Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …Ron Wolf knew the mastery of timing. …like when to bet the house on a QB (Brett Favre), or when to fire a coach (Ray Rhodes). It’s about being predictive, not reactive. It’s about analyzing leading indicators (if we don’t make a change, we’re not going to win), not lagging ones (we lost another playoff game due to woeful performance, so I will get rid of the coordinator now even though it was an obvious need several weeks ago). Do these names ring a bell … Maurice Drayton? Shawn Mennenga? Mike Pettine? So now we are at a pivotal point for the future of the Green Bay Packers, and I’m convinced Aaron LaFlurphy will probably make the wrong choice… We have 2 options: A) “Play Rodgers” and at best be a potential spoiler to teams seriously in the hunt for the playoffs. This is also known as “Placate Rodgers” to keep him from publicly whining about not being able to play out his last year(s). Since Rodgers is really the de facto Team President and GM anyways, he will ensure his coach insists #12 plays every snap all the way through Game 17. B) “Play Love” from here on out and give the youngster the NFL reps he desperately needs to steepen his learning curve for NFL success. On the surface Option B is the best thing for the Packers, even though it might look like they are not doing everything they can to win every game this year. In reality, Love can’t play much worse than Rodgers (statistically he had a good chance of playing better!), and it’s not like there is any chance to win the Super Bowl this year, so 1265 please don’t pretend the rest of this season is anything more than the 2023 Preseason. That said, Coach reminds you that Packers President (on paper) Mark Murphy has tiny balls when it comes to how things might look, and his tool Matt LaFleur has no balls whatsoever. Therefore, I’m completely confident that Rodgers will play out every game this season, gaining the Packers nothing, and arresting Jordan Love’s development another year. …at least in Coach’s humble opinion. PS Coach reminds you, the loyal reader, that The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! is not published for preseason games, so this might be it for 2022, folks. Sad but true. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL To Provide All Refs Seeing-Eye Dogs ATLANTA, GA — To help improve the accuracy of calls on the field, the National Football League will now provide each referee with a seeing-eye dog. "What'd you see, Fido? Bark twice if there was holding!" yelled Shawn Hochuli at his new service dog. "Good boy. Does the red team still have the ball? Oh crap, I forgot you're colorblind, Fido!" The NFL made the move to provide service dogs as part of a concerted effort to raise the level of officiating. "We are really hoping to reach a point where at least occasionally, a call makes sense," said commissioner Roger Goodell. "It's a big ask of these canines to comprehend the intricacies of what's a 'rub route' and what's 'pass interference', but we feel confident they will be more accurate than our current system of a blind man taking a wild guess. Or, excuse me, a blind woman taking a wild guess." Thus far, the seeing-eye dogs have been welcomed heartily by officials and players alike. "It's a massive improvement already," said Philadelphia quarterback Jalen Hurts. "The dogs at least guide the refs out of the way when play starts - and a couple of the smarter pups have already caught on to 'offsides', and other simple penalties. They've also eliminated those embarrassing moments when the poor referee does the whole penalty announcement facing the wrong direction. Visual impairment is tough, man." At publishing time, Atlanta fans across the nation were reportedly screaming about how Fido is so unbelievably biased against the Falcons. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Here are the worst 5 teams in the NFC, as ranked by the NFL. Last place is at the bottom… Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan Last year, Bucky went to the Axe game ranked #14 and something to play for. They lost miserably 20-23 in OT. This year, they are limping across the finish line unranked and barely bowl eligible. Likewise, Minnesota had a flash of promise in the early going after pummeling MSU, but have settled into steady mediocrity. This year we are back in mid-70’s form with neither team really having anything to play for except pride. Only Iowa, Purdue, and Illinois have a chance to go to Indy. The most important thing on Saturday for Bucky is to atone for the debacle last year. There is no reason they should not win except for the fact that they have trouble stringing together two wins in a row. Hopefully, the D can hold top Goof RB Ibrahim at bay after a 263 yd. outing last week against the stingy Iowa D. Herbig will come out fired up after having to sit out the first half after a BS targeting call last week. We do not hold out a lot of hope for the offense unless Braelon ‘the gimp” has a banner day with ample back up from Mellusi and Guerrendo. Mertz and the receivers have been spotty at best. As for last week’s squeaker against the Cornholers, Mertz was better than the box score or Twitter rants would have you believe. For one, this was the 3rd straight game playing in gusty high winds. This was the second straight game of the OL getting manhandled. The WR’s sucked with 4 drops, led by three by Chimere Dike. Another pass was thrown on target to the TE in the end zone, but the TE wasn't looking for the ball. The pass thrown for the pick hit a wind gust, though we question throwing a pass like that into the wind. Mertz woulda been better off throwing a bullet like he did in Q4 for a TD. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Do you remember 2016? Well, honestly, Coach barely remembers breakfast, let alone a more recent Season either* ... ... after a 4-6 start we beat the Iggles 27-13 and went on a 6-0 run, the “Run the table” year. (*Note: for the record, Coach can remember almost all the games in the 70’s thru the 2010 SB, but more recently they get a bit foggy ... it’s all lost in a blur of “Rodgers is self-centered and the Defensive Coordinator and Special Teams suck, heh?”) All the stats and everything we’ve seen this year says we will git kilt ... but who knows, let’s say the D plays like our talent is supposed to be and Erin Fraudgers pulls his thumb and cranium out of his rectum ... then “why not us?” ... in an “any given Sunday” prediction: Packers 27 Eagles 13 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Ok, good job remembering 2016. Next, can you remember who wore #4 for the Packers before Brett Favre? At 6'1" 195-lb, Chuck Fusina was a 5th round draft pick (#133 overall) of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the 1979 NFL Draft. He spent his 1st 3 seasons as back-up to Doug Williams. In 1983, he left for the fledgling USFL. Fusina signed with the Philadelphia/Baltimore Stars where he blossomed under coach Jim Mora (Playoffs? Are you kidding me? Playoffs? Playoffs?). In his 3 seasons with that team, he passed for over 10,000 yards and led all USFL quarterbacks with 66 touchdowns and a QB rating of 88.6 and led the Stars to back-to-back USFL titles in 1984 and 1985. He was named MVP of the 1984 USFL Championship Game. When the league folded in August 1986, Fusina returned to the NFL for one last season … with the Green Bay Packers, as the 3rd string QB. In 1986, Forrest Gregg was the coach, and was in process of transitioning the team from a finesse passing squad with Lynn Dickey to a mob of thugs. Randy Wright took over at quarterback and was unimpressive, completing 53% of his passes for 3,247 yards, 17 scores and 23 picks. He was backed up by a has-been Vince Ferragamo (#5), who saw little action, and our featured Fusina – who suited up for 7 games in which he went 19 of 32 (59.4%) for 178 yards, no TD’s and 1 pick. That’s about it.
0 Comments
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: I hope you took the Under… “0” was the correct number, despite the over/under betting line being at 2.5 … the number of times Fox would show a closeup of Jerry Jones during the game. The ingoing assumption, of course, was that Jerry Jones would be in the visitor’s luxury box at Lambeau for the big rivalry game on Sunday, but - alas, he did not show up. Why not? That’s a good question, Jimmy, considering we’ve been accustomed to seeing Jones and his big greedy gap-toothed smile with fists raised high whenever the Cowboys score a touchdown. Similarly, we took joy in seeing Jones’ scaley, bug-eyed face buried in his hands at the moment Dallas lost on the last play of the game. Jones has historically been in good favor with the League office because he is viewed (rightly or wrongly) as a revenue-generating machine — even without the aid of pay-for-play sledding hills. Plus, he LOVES the attention, so it’s a sick symbiotic relationship. Then, why no opportunities for closeups of Jerry this go ’round? Well Jimmy, it’s because he is on the NFL’s naughty list for his Halloween escapades. That’s right, Jerry Jones dressed up as a blind referee for Halloween this year and posted it on Facebook. That’s pretty much like asking your boss if that woman standing next to him (his wife) is his hooker. Sure, in some respects it might be accurate, but still -- you don’t do it! … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme (You may recall that he was thrown out of his stepson’s BB game in 2019 for berating officials.) So, the 2022 Season is saved and we’re going to the Super Bowel!! Alrighty, soze, we’re not in the Playoffs yet, but we are ahead of all the other 4-6 teams! We have a slippery and tenuous tether on 9th place!! {Cue Jim Mora playoff rant.} And … we’re a full game ahead of all of the last place teams, including the 16th place Bears. {OMG … did Coach just say that?} Excitement and anticipation were high all around as Amiz Ramadan lined up to make the Packers opening kick-off and all at once Coach’s buddies said: “who the hell is #17?” Hey guys, Ramadan’s kick wasn’t too bad … “yeah!” … but it was returned to the 40 … “booo!” … Then we held the CowGirls to 3 & out … “yeah!” … but the punt was bobbled by #8 … “boo!!! boo!!!” … the stadium collectively mouthed … chants erupted … “WTF, why is Amarone Rodgers still on the Team, let alone returning punts?!?!?!?” … Then we went on Offense … “yeah!” … but then the guy we used 2 second-round picks to traded-up for dropped two passes in-a-row on our way to killing our promising first drive … “booo!” Then we gave up an 83-yard TD drive after our punt … “boo” … where did the D go? … “boo” … Then Fraudgers was sacked, and he fumbled … “boo!!!” … the assembled faithful were churning in their seats and on the edge of turning on the Pack… ...but Rudy Ford stepped-in and saved the day by intercepted CowGirl Dak in the EZ. Rudy thus prevented a 14-0 zip 1st Qtr. hole that would have started a blowout for the CowGirls and ended the Season for us … “yeah!!!” … Rudy, Rudy, Rudy!! Where, you might ask, did Rudy come from? Well, he was hiding on our roster … another one of Rich Bisaccia’s finds … we just gotta get Beri-Beri out of the way and let Bisaccia be DC (maybe HC). After the pick we got the tutter … “yeah” … and then Rudy got another INT … “yeah” … that set us up on the Girls 24-yard line … “yeah” … and next thing Ya know, we’re up 14-7 … “double yeah!!” … Just when you might start to believe that this 2022 team could be a good one, ST gives up a long KO return … “Boo” … and the D gives up a 66-yd TD in the last two minutes of the 1st Half …. “Double Booo” … 14-14 at the Half. To start the 3rd Qtr. the Offense goes 6 & out on the opening drive … “Booooooo” ... accompanied by a WTF-type-headshake … OK, let’s see what D can do? Three & out …” yeah” … followed by Amarone Rodgers fumbling the subsequent punt, leading to a 48-yd Cowgirls TD. … “booo, kill Amarone Rodgers, WTF, fire Murphy, why are either of them still on the Team? Booo, Booo” … And so it went, back and forth on the field and up & down emotionally … Admit it … when it got to 28-14 in the 4th quarter, it felt bleak to youse at home and likewise to the fair-weather crowd who started to filter out of Lambeau (not Coach, he always stays ‘til the end. BTW, he got some really nice new ice fishing bibs, they were actually too warm in the 20 deg temps). Most of those wimps were newbies who wore light clothes and tennis shoes to the first true cold-weather game of the Season … dumb asses. It gets cold early here. (See also: Berra, Yogi). And then it happened, Erin Fraudgers looked good leading a 14-point come-back to get to a 28-28 tie, but there were a lot of factors involved. Is he fixed? Is he back? Hmm, maybe. What Coach saw gives Coach confidence for the rest of this Season. Confidence also that he will always have the preferred pronouns of he/him/and f-off-if-you-even-look-at-my-pronouns:
The important point? Coach is telling ya what lads … the Savage-pounding-of-the-Slot formation was really fun to watch as he beat the heck out of the CowGirls petite fleur (see last week’s translation lesson) …
Watson looked like Jordy on the fast crosser, this was a staple of the Rodgers to Nelson era in the middle 20-teens. Let’s hope this wasn’t a one hit wonder for Watson. And so it went, back and forth on the field and up and down emotionally as a fan … Without a doubt the Season would have been truly over had we lost, perhaps not mathematically, but emotionally we’d have been toast and the Vets would have begun making Offseason plans. So how do we stack up Coach? At this point we are mediocre to below average in almost every statistical measure, much like the 2007 & 2011 NY Giants. But those Giants Teams went on to beat us on the way to SB Wins both years. That’s just facts … does that mean we are on our way? Hell no Jimmy, are you stupid? No, it means we have a chance to have a chance. Hopefully the Dallas game was the start of a turnaround. The biggest concern is still Petite Fleur. He has no problem with the players disrespecting him in public. At the end of regulation, we pissed-away a chance to win with almost 2:00 minutes left on the clock. You either try to score or run out the clock (a very strange strategy when you have a 4x MVP at QB). Petite Fleur did neither, we ran out of downs and we still left time for Dallas. Frankly Fraudgers had a valid complaint. Petite Fleur had no idea what to call in this situation and Erin is justifiably pissed, but that’s not the point. The point is, the Coach, any Coach, can’t let the inmates run the prison. Try shouting f’bombs at your boss in front of your co-workers tomorrow at work and see how it goes. Coach’s view: While not perfect; the roster is good; the problem is coaching. Murphy will do nothing about this problem because he’s within a couple of years of retirement and Fraudgers dead money on the Cap is high if he retires or is cut. Net/net: we are destined to have Petite Fleurodgers at least thru 2023. Buckle up kids. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Tom Brady Realizes It's Easier To Be Hit By 300-Pound Linemen Than Stay Home All Day With Young Kids The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Protection Scheme Involves O-Line Asking Defense To Go Easy On Jared Field While He’s Going Through Some Stuff CHICAGO—Taking a new approach to better safeguard their quarterback, the Chicago Bears were reportedly using a protection scheme Sunday that involved their offensive line asking the defense to go easy on Jared Field while he’s going through some stuff. “We’re always trying to refine things to make things easier for Jared, which is why we’re having left guard Cody Whitehair pull the defensive linemen aside to fill them in on Jared’s personal issues before the snap,” said Bears head coach Matt Eberflus, adding that he hoped the Detroit Lions defense would refrain from blitzing Field after the offensive line told them the sad story of how he’s struggling with heartbreak. “We’ll have the left tackle pick up any linebackers or safeties and let them know that Jared’s really getting it from all sides right now, he’s not sleeping well, and really the last thing he needs is to get sacked on his blind side. We’re hoping that this new offensive scheme will allow Jared to relax in the pocket and clear his head until he works things out at home.” At press time, Eberflus was scolding Bears wide receiver Darnell Mooney for yelling that he was open, reminding him not to bother Field when the quarterback had so many other things on his plate. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Badgers, Team of Destiny, Shows Who They Are The university of Wisconsin football team is destined for a mediocre finish and a crappy bowl game, at best. Sure, they are not mathematically eliminated from an opportunity to get Kevin Bacon’ed in Indianapolis, but we all know that the chances approach zero when taking into account the fact that the Badgers proved who they are on Saturday, a team that wilts in important games. Not only that, but Illinois must lose to Northwestern. Mertz acted like his bell was rung for most of the game as he scampered away from the onslaught unleashed by the pathetic UW OL. Repeatedly chucking the ball downfield to receivers who were not open and often double-covered compounded matters. When not absorbing hits behind the line of scrimmage, Braelon Allen sought to avoid hits on his injured shoulder by racing for the sideline, ignoring cutback opportunities and chances to gain first downs by turning upfield. The D did OK against a an equally pathetic Hawkeye offense, except for going soft when special teams and the offense presented Iowa with a short field. If it weren’t for the blocked punt, big punt return allowed and a decision to not field a punt, the game woulda been pretty even. As it was, the errant Mertz passes, and crappy special team play sealed the deal for the 5th place Badgers. Big Ten Interim Coach Bowl 2022 The hapless Badgers take an 8 game winning streak and a 13 point spread to Lincoln. The Huskers have QB issues with their main guy out hurt the last 2 games and Chubba Purdy (no, not a made-up name) or Logan Smothers sharing snaps. Their defense ranks last or next to last in several key metrics. Braelon Allen could rack up 150 yards without taking a hit and Graham Mertz could complete 20 passes in a row without taking a sack. Bucky rolls, 42-7. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Like a lot of the new Expansion Teams in the AFL, the Pack has not played the Nashville Oilers very often. Unfortunately, our bad teams of the 70’s and 80’s gives us a 6-7 record all-time, dating back to their vagabonds’ origins in Houston, then Memphis, now Nashville. We’re 2-2 in the Fraudgers’ era, with both teams winning at home and the Pack averaging a 48-11 win in the two games played at Lambeau. However, ... the stats don’t look as rosy this year and they don’t point to a 35+ point blowout (N.S. Sherlock). The Oilers are leading the AFC South, but so what? The Nashville Oilers could easily be the poster child for NFL mediocrity. No team is completely horrendous (well, maybe the last place Bears) and no team is completely good. Their QB is Ryan Tannehill … and he’s a good system QB. When Petite Fleur was there and his Coach, he was good … and he still is “good”. Derrick Henry was a great / is a “really good” running back, but his avg yds/carry is behind both A Jones and Quadzilla. We held Derrick Henry under 100 yds rushing when we beat the Oilers 40-14 in 2020. They have a buncha receivers and some are above average … but nobody that scares you. We’re about matched on O (24th & 25th ranking respectively). Their Defense is ranked #8 vas. Our #16, but they are giving up almost 19 pts/game so maybe they won’t be a big problem. We are going to win this game for one reason and one reason only, Rudy Ford will make 23 interceptions and return 21 of them for touchdowns. OK, a bit more seriously. Rudy Ford looks to be a leader on Defense, something we haven’t had since Zilarious Smith was active in 2020. He’s the Rasul to your Damarious Randal. He may not intercept another ball in 2022, but he’ll be on the field and he’s a leader. Yes, the math says we’re close to being out of contention to win the Norris Division this year, but we are not out of it yet!! Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No!! dammit!! And we're not going to give up now! We’re going to drive the Death Mobile at ramming speed and we’re gonna put some fear into the rest of the NFL. Packers 38 Titans 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Coach realizes that many of you will enter the woods with a weapon for the first time this year on Saturday, with it being opening day of the gun deer season and all. And, although Coach has at least 2-weeks’ worth of all day sits in full camo logged with his new bow in the tree stand, he is excited for another chance to bag a buck with his daunting bolt action 30-06 and high vis blaze orange Elmer Fudd ear-flap hat. So let’s bag a couple of bucks, boys… 1923, 100 seasons ago, was the first season for which we have reliable unofficial statistics. Although the NFL did not begin to formally compile basic stats until 1932, the Press-Gazette accounts were complete for all 10 Packer games in 1923.
Fullback Buck Gavin was second in rushing behind Curly Lambeau that year. Gavin actually played in the Packers backfield both in 1921 and in 1923. Buck did not go to college, as he was the LeBron James of the NFL in those days. Well, maybe not LeBron good, but credibly LeBron dumb. Tackle Cub Buck led the team with 88 punts and in scoring by converting 5 of 8 PATs and 6 of 16 field goals (ouch). Buck also completed 8 of 11 passes, no doubt from punt formation. Green Bay finished 3rd in the 20-team league that year, tied with the Milwaukee Badgers whom they beat twice. Green Bay scored 85 points and gave up just 34, throwing seven shutouts that season. Green Bay’s road victory over the St. Louis All-Stars on November 4 represented the team’s longest ever road trip to that point, nearly 500 miles. The Press-Gazette began naming an All-Pro team for football in 1923, too. Curly Lambeau was named to the second team and Cub Buck to the third. So this week we salute a couple of Bucks from 100 years ago, and good luck out there this weekend, fellas -- you never know what might come your way! Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …I feel sorry for the horse. Metaphorically speaking, Cowboys fans are the horse holding up the peculiar duo of the Dallas NFL franchise’s faces (neither of whom are actually from Texas), Jerry Jones and Mike McCarthy. Cowboys fans are very different from regular NFL fans, or from regular Texans for that matter, because they are blind to reality. No matter how much their team sucks, they still believe the Cowboys should receive accolades of a top tier NFL football team. They are the Notre Dame of professional football (ranked #6 before the season started, now at #20). At least Bears and Lions fans know when to hide from sunlight for decades on end. It’s been over a quarter century since the last time the Cowboys were in the Super Bowl. Still, they dole out approximately $10,000 per seat license fee (just for the right to buy season tickets), and pay an average ticket price of $726 which is the League high before secondary market scalping (Raiders tickets go for the highest price on the secondary market, followed by the Bucs, Broncos, Pats, and Packers – note that Dallas does not even make the top 5 in secondary market prices, because they do not bring in many visitors to that “glorious” stadium we hear so much about). “So what about it, Coach, I mean … what’s your point?” My point is that Dallas Cowboys fans are pathetic. And, like most pathetic groups of people, they need self-affirmation to make them feel better about themselves when in reality there isn’t reason to; the classic tactics include putting others down (see also, Skip Bayless), or constantly trying to convince others of their greatness (“Let’s call ourselves ‘America’s Team’ because then people will have to be on our side or they’re un-American!”). Although Jerry Jones thankfully does not do the former, he is infamously preoccupied with the latter. Which leads me to my final thought on the matter… Mike McCarthy must not be a Cowboys fan. Despite the pressures of being Jones’ right-hand-man, and being on the proverbial chopping block with Sean Payton looming in the “ready for fire” on-deck circle, McCarthy carries himself with a gentlemanly class, avoiding any opportunity to denigrate others. Nor does he crave the camera eye, speaking practiced lines meant to impress NFL minions as if he is some sort of football sage. Nope, he’s pretty much the same guy that grew up in Pittsburgh, had a decent run in Green Bay, kept his head up when failing to evolve with NFL whippersnappers, and now is treading water in Dallas. … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Hold on to your tookess … we are now the worst ranked Team in the NFL, according to at least one guy on the Interweb. We scored 9 points against the 32nd ranked Defense. Coach, what happened? Jimmy, let’s start with what Coach predicted last week (go back and check, it’s only a dozen thumb scrolls down from here) Mason Crosby is gonna have another field goal palooza in Detroit on Sunday. Packers 22 (5 FG & a TD) Spartans 17 Coach was off by two points. You know, Jimmy, if we had a qualified NFL Head Coach, you know, one who made decisions during the game, we would have scored exactly 22 points … to the Lions 15. 22 points … let Coach count the waze … oh yeah, it’s simple … you’ve been struggling on offense and you’re playing the worst Defense in the NFL … and you pass up easy scoring chances for FG’s because you want to make a point. To the drive chart … The point is not only that Coach is very smart, but the point is also that we could all see the game from a hundred miles away. On the road? Tough season? Need a win? Take the f’ng points. Yes, you made a point Fraudgers. You said you wanted to pass the ball and you did. You made bad pass after bad pass… … none worse than this underthrow of Toure that would have been a certain TD. Is Erin washed up? Maybe. Is the thumb hurting more than she lets on? Probably. But the objective in not to pass the ball, the objective is to win the game. The game can be summarized on one play, one play that it is the metaphor for the game, one play that is the metaphor for the entire season and the same play that is a summary of what’s always been wrong with the Rodgers-led-Packers. Aside from the stupidity of throwing to your best buddy and BFF, an injured tackle, rather than hand it off or pass to an actual receiver on 4th & Goal from the 7” line … you pass off your back foot while falling down and literally underthrow a 7 inch pass by 10 yards. The hell of it is, the D and Special Teams played well enough to win this game. Coach is going to totally skip stats this week, because they don’t tell you a damn thing about the game, all you need to know is: Coach’s key insight: “There is no in ‘I’ in ‘Team’” Wayyyt, whhaatt? The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say ‘I’. And that’s not because they have trained themselves not to say ‘I’. They don’t think ‘I’. They think ‘we’; they think ‘team’. They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don’t sidestep it, but ‘we’ gets the credit…. This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done. - Peter Drucker Coach counted 241 uses of the word “I” and 3 uses of the word “we” by Erin Fraudgers in his post-game comments. It’s obvious that the self-absorbed, petulant, asshole is turning off his teammates by his use of the first person singular to explain the actions of 11 men on the field who are trying to work as a team. “I have to throw the ball to win” Coach: No. Erin, to win you must not turn over the ball” You only need to see Fraudger’s reaction on the field to see his true character revealed … he is not solving the problems of this team, he is the problem. … even pop-culture icon Lil Wayne thinks Erin Fraudgers is the problem … Coach, but really, what is going on? Jimmy, honestly Coach is getting tired of explaining this. Just scroll down to the Redskins Game summary … ooopps, can’t say Redskins … scroll down to the Washington Custodians game summary and look for the graphic below … it explains it all. The problem is that Fraudgers is now running the team, and he can control everyone, except himself. Recently Erin Fraudgers said: “Guys who are making too many mistakes shouldn’t be playing. Gotta start cutting some reps." Coach totally agrees with Fraudgers on this point … Fraudgers needs to get fewer reps. So what about the guy listed as Head Coach? Jimmy? Did you ever wonder what Petite Fleur means? Jimmy, c'est l'heure d'un petit cours de français… “If our coach wasn’t such a Petite Fleur, he would grow a pair and bench the self-absorbed, petulant, asshole that is playing QB until he pulled his head out of his rectum.” Good Jimmy, you’re doing great, you’ll be speaking fluent French in no time. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Skip Bayless Reminds Viewers Gas Never Hit $5 Per Gallon During Troy Aikman’s Era LOS ANGELES—Declaring that fans would “never again” see a comparable player or prices, Skip Bayless reminded viewers Monday that gas never hit $5 per gallon during the Troy Aikman era. “When Aikman captured his first title, you could fill up your entire car for $19—I’m talking the entire tank for under 20 bucks,” said Bayless, who scoffed at co-host Shannon Sharpe’s assertion that he was completely overlooking the 1990 oil crisis that caused widespread sticker shock at the pumps following the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait. “$1.06 in 1998. Can you believe that? Back when Aikman was the most dominant quarterback in the NFL, you could afford to fill up your entire tank of gas, and grab a snack for the road. Face the facts!” At press time, Bayless added he wouldn’t even consider placing Aaron Rodgers in his top five of all time considering the rising price of meat. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Da Bears lost again, this time at home to the Dolphins. I mean, how can you be worse than the Packers this year? Even their really intimidating blowup bear thingy popped. Somehow, they just find a way… the Bears still suck. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Heartland Trophy at Stake After a decisive shellacking of another opponent with a deceptively good record last Saturday, Bucky takes on the ascendant Iowa Hawkeyes this week. Sure, they have super sucky offensive stats this year, 111th out of 131 teams at 18.5 points per game. The OL has been quite the turnstile, averaging 3 sacks a game and a high volume of hurries. Herbig and Benton are licking their chops. Too bad this is Bucky’s weakest pass rush in years. Hawkeye play calling has been even less creative than the wafer-thin playbook predictable down & distance patterns that led to Paul Chryst’s ouster. Like Wisconsin, the Hogeyes had a couple of feelgood games against Purdon’t and the Mildcats the last two weeks as fans were threatening mutiny. Somewhat scary RB Kaleb Johnson had 200 yards rushing last week, but don’t lose sleep over that. One-dimensional offenses with an inability to pass the ball are the easiest to shut down for any defense with a pulse. Iowa will be disproportionately targeting the tight ends. Please cover them, as we have left them running free over the middle of the field the last several times we have played them. With two key starters in our secondary now back and making a difference, we like our chances of snuffing out any hint of an Iowa passing attack and stuffing their run. Maybe we will pick up some coverage sacks and better yet, turnovers. By comparison, the Badgers average of 29.9 points per game, giving us an 11.4 point advantage on O. Despite last week’s gale force winds, intermittent rain and foolish multiple attempts to heave 50/50 balls deep into the wind/rain to receivers who had no interest fighting for the ball, Mertz ranks 16th in the country in yards/attempt--one of the best passing efficiency metrics. Even crazier, he's 8th in yards/completion. He excels at throwing to receivers who are open and does also throw good passes into tight spaces that subsequently get dropped. Too bad his stats don’t reflect even more how well he has played this season. Don’t expect much separation vs. Iowa’s secondary and our weak-handed receivers will lose every 60/40 battle for the ball. Our OL is as intact as it has been all year. Saturday would be a good time for taking the next step in their progression. Two areas of concern on offense are continued pre-snap penalties vs. Iowa’s much higher level of penalty discipline and the health of Braelon Allen. Allen has been running out of bounds and avoiding contact since early in the conference season. Over the last 3 games plus, he has exited with a stinger or other shoulder injury. Following a bye week of recovery, he reinjured the shoulder last week and returned to the game only to tweak it again while going down gently out of bounds. He does not show up in the injury report, but don’t be surprised if he is a late scratch or fails to finish the season. He ain’t right and will not be initiating collisions with Iowa defenders. On D, Iowa is physical and disciplined. They are 6th nationally at 14.3 points allowed per game. Expect a grinder with both passing attacks being limited. Bucky is allowing 23.1 points per game for 51st, yielding a 9.8-point advantage for the Hogeyes. The averages only partially reflect the improvement in Bucky’s secondary the last two weeks. The reality is that both defenses are comparable. On special teams, Iowa has a crazy good punter. He’s like some modern day Pat O’Day, also from Australia. He has an uncanny ability to place the ball inside the 20 with 23 of his 55 punts landing there. It’s a bit of a wash, as our punter is also really good too and would probably win the arm-wrestling contest. And now, a word from our sponsor. Whew! OK, we’re back. Here at BU, we are not sure if coach’s astute analysis holds, but we will give it a try. This intensive analysis plus 2 points for home field gives a razor thin 0.4 points for the other side. Bah! BU says turnovers will determine the winner of this game. Look for Bucky to come out on top, 20-17. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game What (you may ask) does Roman Economic Policy have to do with the Packers? Absolutely nothing. The point is that now that “we” have been mathematically made the punch line of NFL jokes, you have more time to read National Geographic than at any point you since 1991, courtesy of Petite Fleur and his boss, Erin Fraudgers. Aside from how you feel about the performance on the field, this puts the financial viability and future of the franchise in danger. Coach, isn’t that a bit of hyperbole? What do you mean it puts the franchise in danger? Jimmy, look at all dat real estate over to da West a Lambeau. Over dare where da Shopko and Red Lobster whaz. Youse tink anybody gonna buy up dem milon dollar condiments when we’ze 5-12? Youse tink dare aint no debt dare? Hold on ta yer deer tag, the exit wind from all dose private jets getting’ da hell outta here is gonna be really strong. If we don’t stay at the top of the NFL, all that accumulated debt is gonna sink the franchise. That’s right, Murphy the financial genius, better have a pretty gol darn good plan to cover the debt on all a dem empty condo’s where the tumble weeds are starting to grow now … On to this week, how will we beat the Cowgirls? Well, we won’t if we only go by statistics. They have a better ranked Offense, a better ranked Defense, a better ranked Special Teams and have the 4th ranked point differential to our 25th ranking. Even giving us two points for playing at home, the margin should be something like an 8-point Cowgirls win. But why then is Vegas only giving us 4 ½ points? 3) Even with all our injuries, we have a better roster, if we can only get out of our own way. 2) We have won 8 out of the 10 games we’ve played against the Cowgirls in the Fraudgers era. 1) They have Melissa McCarthy Because Coach is contractually required to predict a win: Packers 16 Cowgirls 15 Coach recommends putting duct tape on the kids’ college account piggy bank … JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Well congrats to former Packers center, Jeff Saturday, who on Monday was named interim head coach of the Indianapolis Colts. Saturday spent his final season as an NFL player in Green Bay. Though Saturday was elected to the Pro Bowl by fans, he was not the best version of himself in 2012 and appeared to have lost a bit of his physical ability. He was replaced at center by Evan Dietrich-Smith late in the season. Fortunately, Saturday will not be remembered for that, but instead for his spectacular seasons in Indianapolis. Saturday had an illustrious 13-year stint as the Colts center, getting his nuts smashed by the top surface of Peyton Manning’s right hand. Manning eventually went exclusively into the Omaha shotgun formation – purportedly meant to enable a quick audible into the hurry-up offense, but ultimately it ended up extending Saturday’s career. Jeff made the Pro Bowl six times and won one Super Bowl with the Indianapolis Colts … and now he’s their head coach.
...Which got Coach to thinking, “What other former Packers players were also NFL head coaches?” Can you name the other five? Ok, 1st, the easy ones … Curly Lambeau, Bart Starr, and Forrest Gregg, duh. Now, another player from the Lombardi era, Jim Ringo! He had a less than stellar stint with Buffalo in 1977 (he went 3-11 and got fired, see also 2022 Green Bay Packers former head coach Matt LaFleur). And finally, hiding in plain sight, Doug Pederson! He won a Super Bowl as Favre’s backup, another ring as the Eagle head coach, and now he is turning around a pesky Jacksonville Jaguars team. So, yeah, congrats to Jeff Saturday (and Doug Pederson). Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Elvis was right… The “get right” games came and went, in all of which we didn’t. Then the dreaded “now we have to play the best team, on the road, after their bye” game came, in which we still didn’t look good, but also totally didn’t piss our pants on national tv while covering the outlandish-for-the-NFL 10.5 point spread. Still, it feels like we had a long rigid shaft poked into our backside. So here we sit at 3-5. Not out of playoff contention, but certainly on the cusp. Recall we were the Number 1 seed last year! Losing Devante Adams isn’t the reason … if he came back this week this team would still be far from the NFL’s best. We can get back on track with the guys we got. It’s a pretty simple thing, football … just need to block well on offense and tackle well on defense, and not give away the ball. Sure, easier said than done, but all of these things are completely doable by the Green Bay Packers and achievable with better leadership and coaching – but time is running out (thanks, Capt. Obvious) and it’s gotta start now in Detroit, because Elvis was right: It’s now or never… at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme If Coach told you before the Bills game that we have:
As much as Coach loves the stats … they story of this game was only the 1st Half … and we were killed in the 1st. Coach doesn’t want to say the Bills stopped playing at the Half … but that’s what the eye-test says. On the first Bills drive we looked great, forcing a 3 & out (drive chart below). Arrggghhh, but! Yet again Alexander dropped an interception what would have put us in business about the Bill’s 30-yd line. We forced the punt, but on the ensuing drive we lost Watson to a concussion and choked on 4th down, giving the ball to the Bills 39 ... and the route was on. We watched as the Bills piled up 24 points and scored on four straight possessions. Rodgers was able to hit Romeo Dubbs on a spectacular 19-yard TD, but that was just the liver-sausage spread in the two-TD sandwich made by the Bills. In the first half we had one good drive on Offense and three more that we choked away. We had five drives on defense and had negative plays on all five and gave up scores on four of the drives. The score was “only” 24-7 at the Half, but it did not feel that close. Yes, the run offense looked much better, but the Bills were defending the pass and were in a 2-Hi Safety look until mid-way through the 2nd half. Two plays in this game summarize the game and the 2022 Season for Coach. With the Bills leading 7-0 on their 3rd Drive, at 3rd & 14 on the Packers 21-yard-line, Josh Allen was under pressure and scrambled left. It’s a bit hard to see because because he misses so badly, but Jaire Alexander turns Allen back to the inside where he has help (proper technique) and Darnell Savage closes his eyes, dives, and completely misses Allen. WTF. We came into the year with the Offense would be a work-in-progress, but with the expectation and understanding that we would have a Top-5 Defense. We now rank 16th, and our Ranking continues to drop every week (go back and look at previous episodes of CCH). The other expectation we had is that the Special Teams would get better. The second have Kick-Off was fantastic! Keisean Nixon returned the ball 49-yards out to the 50!! Hooray!! Packer Nation exhaled, collectively mouthing “maybe we have a shot in this game!” Alas, no. Safety Innis Gaines, activated for this game … was called for holding and the Offense started at the 16-yard line. We gained 72 yards on the series and kicked a FG … but if we started at the 50? Yes Jimmy, 72 yards is enough to get to the Endzone. That would have put the score at 24-14 and, who knows, maybe a punchers chance. When players continually make the same mistakes … we must conclude that the problem is the Coaching. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Brett Favre Makes Amends By Sending Photo Of His Penis To Every Mississippian On Welfare SUMRALL, MS—In an effort to address the backlash against his alleged participation in a massive scheme to misuse state funding, former NFL star Brett Favre on Friday was reportedly making amends by sending every Mississippian on welfare a photo of his penis. “I am sorry for what I’ve done and letting the most vulnerable people of Mississippi down, and it is my greatest hope that you’ll accept a signed photograph of my cock as my request for forgiveness,” said Favre, explaining that over the next few weeks, each of the approximately 440,000 Mississippi residents currently on welfare would receive a signed copy of one of several different photographs of his erect member. “While it may not make up for the welfare money you were expecting, this is a genuine dick pic from a Hall of Fame NFL quarterback, and would look really nice on the mantle. You could also sell it, if you’re hard up for some money, or ladies could perhaps use it to pleasure themselves, and derive some benefit from that. Ultimately, I hope that a picture of my penis will convey my deepest apologies for my actions, and that I can be back in the good graces of the great people of Mississippi.” At press time, residents across Mississippi were opening their mail to find a picture of Favre’s penis, with the handwritten signature “Sorry—Brett. P.S. u like this?” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Jared Field Hands Off Letters To His Family In Case He Doesn’t Make It Out Of Next Sack Alive IRVING, TX—Shoring up his resolve as he made peace with his likely fate, Chicago Bears quarterback Jared Field reportedly handed off letters to his family Monday in case he didn’t make it out of the next sack alive. “Take these letters, David [Montgomery], and see that they are delivered to my family should the pass rush prevail and I meet my maker during this next sack,” said Field, thrusting a stack of envelopes containing messages to his parents, sister, and close friends into the running back’s arms and urging his teammate to tell his family he loved them. “There is no way around it, David: We are losing the battle in the trenches. I can only be sacked on so many occasions before there is a sack I will never return from. Our offensive tackles are weak and cannot hold out much longer, and before we know it the blitz will be upon me. I want my family to know that it was them I thought of as my pass protection fell and I looked in vain for a receiver to get open. Run, David, run like the wind! It doesn’t look good for me, but duty requires me to remain here in the pocket and protect the football to my last breath. Oh, god, the linebackers will soon be here, and then I may be sacked for all time.” At press time, Field was lighting a last cigarette as the Dallas Cowboys defense breached the offensive line and began charging toward him. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bowl Qualifying Terrapins Come to Madison Best case, we wind up 8-4 and most likely will experience another toe stubbing or two against the paltry field we face in the next month. We predict a 7-5 finish. The field looks pretty unimpressive with 4-3 Maryland, up next, as the toughest competition. On paper, we should win out, but after the Wazzou, FIB, and MSU debacles, we are not counting on that. Throw out the stats for this Saturday’s matchup vs. Maryland. While a 24-hour soaker will be winding down by kickoff, rain may still be a factor and Lake Mendota whitecap-inducing winds fire up. The much-anticipated aerial circus may never get off the Camp Randall turf. That’s good and bad. Tualia Tagovailoa, brother of Miami Dolphins QB Tua Tagovailoa, returns from a knee injury. The younger Tagovailoa is averaging 285.9 passing yards per game this season, with 13 touchdowns and five interceptions. His completion rate of 72.5% is tied for the No. 2 mark in the Big Ten. He has rushed for three touchdowns, but prefers to extend plays in an attempt to give his receivers more time to get open. With only one legitimate pass rushing threat and inconsistency in setting the edge, containing this guy is a big ask for the Badgers defense. Maryland also has playmakers at receiver and running back. (Why do guys like this overwhelmingly choose to attend schools like Maryland, Rutgers and Nebraska vs. schools like Wisconsin?) Their running game is on par with Wisconsin’s. 6-foot, 200-lb freshman Roman Hembry averages 6.5 yards per carry and is difficult to bring down on first contact. Defensively, Maryland is stout against the run and soft against the better passing attacks. Maryland has held only two teams below the 200-yards passing this season. In the other six games Maryland allowed an average of 311 passing yards per game and 14 touchdown passes. It is not clear whether leading tackler linebacker Jaishawn Barham returns from injury this week. With the exception of punter, Maryland has superior special teams talent. Don’t rule out them running back a kickoff or punt. Play this game on a dry field with wind not being a factor, it’s a bad matchup for Bucky. The elements work in our favor and the anticipated return of guys spending recent weeks in the tub yield a turnover-marred win, 21-17. The BU sponsors, Voyeurs International came through again. This week’s titillating offering is entitled “Side Boob Safari”. Enjoy. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The primary reasons we will spank the Portsmouth Spartans are: 3) We usually do! We have a 105-73-7 winning record all-time, and we are 19-9 in the Rodgers era. 2) Mason Crosby is back on form … in his 17th year kicking for Pack, his 2022 FG made percentage of 80% is almost at his career median of 81%. Don’t forget, Crosby is a long-time Spartan’s killer. 1) And, the number one reason we will win is … drum roll please … that they suck more than we do! There’s a good reason the Spartans are at the bottom of the NFC North … The have the 32 Ranked Scoring Defense and the 31st worst Point Differential. Mason Crosby is gonna have another field goal palooza in Detroit on Sunday. Packers 22 (5 FG & a TD) Spartans 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Since it appears our expectations for this year need a reset, Coach was thinking back to another time when the Packers aspired to achieve the measly 0.500 mark. The Pack ascended to mediocrity in 1981, nearly making the playoffs with their 8-8 record. Their offense improved to 14th by scoring 324 points, but the defense allowed 361, 20th in the league. They were 5-3 against losing teams and 3-5 against the rest, 4-4 both at home and on the road. They started the season 2-6 and lost Eddie Lee Ivery in game one, but then won six of seven games to reach the season finale with an 8-7 record. A victory over the Jets and the team would sneak into the playoffs with a 9-7 record. But, of course, the Jets whipped the Pack 28-3, and the Green and Gold’ season ended without a playoff birth. So who were these sad sacks of the new decade? Who were the Dean Lowry’s back then? Well, one of them was Byron Braggs. Braggs attended and played college football at the University of Alabama for the legendary coach Paul "Bear" Bryant from 1977 to 1980. He played on Alabama's 1978 and 1979 National Championship teams. Then the Packers selected him in the 5th round of the 1981 draft to play defensive end ... which he did, rather unremarkably. After football Braggs worked as a Criminal Investigator/Special Agent for the U.S. Customs Service. Subsequently that entity became a part of the Department of Homeland of Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). Braggs served as the Acting Chief Intelligence Officer for the Washington DC field office, and eventually retired from ICE in October of 2016. How ‘bout that, eh? So this week we remember you, Byron Braggs, because nobody else probably will. Salute!
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Erin ain’t no Lady, and I’ve got better things to do… There is officially better stuff to do in Wisconsin during the NFL season than bother watching the Packers. When Coach was a kid the Packers were terrible, but still I watched them because there wasn’t much else to do in small-town Tundramerica. Then as I got older and started to chase girls, drive various and sundry motorized vehicles, etc., I was already used to watching the Pack every Sunday at noon (that was the only day/time they ever played back then), and they started getting better. I made time on Sundays to ubiquitously watch semi-competitive Packers football in addition to pursuing fast cars and fast women the remainder of the week. But now my interest in peering over a fake, pay-only sledding hill to watch a self-absorbed flat-earthing quarterback (who passive aggressively complains about personnel problems that he ultimately created, and then publicly compliments himself on his locker room leadership) throw footballs 5-yards short of his running back on a flat route - has waned. The late great British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher famously once said “Being a leader is like being a Lady, if you have to tell people you are one – you aren’t.” So we’ve officially reached the point that those responsible for keeping the smallest-market team a viable attraction have feared most: Packers apathy. Us locals simply just don’t give shit anymore, because the prices at Lambeau are high, the coaching problems are pacified, the quarterback drama is heavy, the stadium beer girls are gone, and the snow-plow-attendance-guesser animation pales in comparison to bow hunting deer, reeling in muskies, and watching TikTok video loops of guys taking shots to the nuts. Of course, an SNF road victory over the Bills might change our minds on all that... at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Petite Fleur Exposed! After a debilitating, demoralizing and soul crushing 23 – 21 loss to the Washington Custodians … Head Coach Petite Fleur admitted that he was pleased at how often Aaron Rodgers comments the Coach’s perfectly coifed eyebrows. “I’m really flattered that he notices how much effort I put into my appearance for him.” When the assembled press was eventually able to get him to focus on football, he was at a loss for words. Looking like a grade schooler who lost his puppy, Petite Fleur said. “I don’t know what to say, I guess I’ll just repeat what I’ve said after the last several games, ‘we’ll have to study the tape this week and see what we are made of”. Coach did a little research this week and found out exactly what the 2022 Packers Team is made of … … a relatively in-tact and pretty looking exterior with the guts of the Team squeezed out all over the road. This week we face a good Buffalo Bills team on Sunday night and if the streak goes to 4-straight, Coach assures you that you will not be restricted battery powered torches and rubber-tipped pitch forks when we storm 1265 Lombardi Ave. Eventually QB Erin Fraudgers was found after going into hiding and skipping his weekly Pat Macaufeed appearance. When asked for his assessment of the game and 2022 Season, she simply repeated his observations from last week: “I told you guys that it's not my fault, I’ve been playing perfectly” … to prove the point he showed his weekly report card from QB Coach Tom Clement. “Seeee”, exhaled Fraudgers, Tom gave me a D+ and told me I played my best game of the Season”. The line of thinking that drives Coach to distraction is “don’t worry, we played poorly early and still won the Super Bowel back in 2010.” Let Coach disabuse you of any such nonsensical thinking … … the 2010 Season started with a record of 4-1, just like this year. … the 2010 Season continued with two additional losses, just like this year. … but in the 7th game, we beat the Queens and started on a 6-3 run to end the Season … … while there maybe similarities on the record through the first six games … the biggest difference is that:
If you want to play a “hands” position, you can’t be … … dropping the f’ng ball … You wanna how bad this team looks? Just ask Jace Spermburper. (You remember him, don’t you? The 2018 3rd Rd TE who was a complete bust and is out of the NFL?). Spermburper was picked ahead of Terry McLaurin who eventually went to the Custodians later in the 3rd. After the game same ole’ Jace Tweeted: Coach isn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at that. The Packers could have drafted McLaurin. At pick No. 75 of the 2019 draft, they selected tight end Jace Spermburper. At No. 76, Washington grabbed McLaurin. For that matter they could have drafted Amron St. Brown at No. 112 (4th Rnd) of the 2021 Draft instead of packaging the No. 92 (3rd) and No. 135 (4th) picks to move up to grab Amaroni Rodgers Meanwhile over in Detroit, St. Brown caught 90 passes as a rookie, including 56 in the slot. Spanning his first and second seasons, he had eight consecutive games. There are many more examples, but let’s stop before imploding our collective craniums. Add these guys to Allen Lazard and Romeo Doubs, and we might have a receiver corps even better than in 2011 when we had Greg Jennings, Donald Driver, James Jones, Jordy Nelson, and then-rookie Randall Cobb. Wait Coach, I didn’t get to see last week’s game, can you summarize for me? Why of course Jimmy, and there’s no better place to start than on the scoreboard. We led at halftime, got behind in the second and almost pulled it out in and exciting finish. “So, you are saying we almost won?” No Jimmy, Coach is saying that we lost … and despite an exciting finish we really had our asses handed to us. There were a couple of good things that happened in this game, which we’ll come back to in a little bit. Concentrate now Jimmy … and really absorb the stats below: Our Offense “controlled” the ball for 22 minutes and 53 seconds (insert sarcasm emoji here). Our Offense had 47 plays to the Custodians 72 plays… … why you ask Jimmy, well it’s simple football math that Curly and Vince used to teach, you can’t:
The good things? (Coach, there were good things? Yes, Jimmy, two good things.) First: Zach Tom was a last-minute fill in at Left Tackle for who-knows-if-he-will-make-it-through-October-let-alone-the-Season-LT, Dave Bacterain. Good ole Dave was a last-second scratch and Zach Tom did a nice job filling in. Super for Dave if he makes it back, but it looks like we’ll be OK if he doesn’t. Second: The Commanders managed only one quarterback hit, and Erin Fraudgers wasn’t sacked, despite the Rook and 4 of the 5 being in new positions this week (so maybe Luke Butkus has figured out how to Coach?) Third: De’Mondre Campbell had our second interception of the year and returned it to the house. Normally scoring a TD on D leads to a 80+% chance of winning a game … not so last Sunday because of … Fourth: The defense was disruptive at times, especially early. The Packers finished with six passes defended, six tackles for loss and nine quarterback hits. Fraudgers and his buddy Petite Fleur talked all week about “having fun” and “simplification”. Coach really wished they would simply work on playing football. You know working on things like blocking, tackling and … … catching the f’ng ball … Let’s look at a coupla clips to make the point Normally reliable Alan Lazard dropping a drive killing 3rd down on the first drive of the game. Fraudgers double clutching on a pass before throwing it in the dirt at Dubbs feet. Sammy Watkins fessed up this week that he ran the wrong route and wrecked the timing for Erin. In proving the adage “if he could catch, he’d be on Offense” … Jaire Alexander drops the first of two “shudda been” interceptions by him. How is this guy even on the team anymore? The good news on this one is that it happened early enough in the game that the D was fresh and held the Custodians to a FG. How is this guy even on the team anymore? Oh wait, did I just use that line? Well, same guy, same problem … Look guys, our 2022 season is teetering on the edge of full-blown failure. We went 1-3 through the soft part of the schedule and we have some real games ahead. The offense is playing like crap, and blame can’t be placed on any one thing. It’s the quarterback, blocking, catching and simply running the damn play as designed. The defense is outstanding one drive and dog-crap on the next. This team doesn’t do anything one thing consistently enough to consider an identity. This rudderless squad better find a stabilizing force soon or we’ll be talking about draft position in December In the literary business this is called foreshadowing … … in the football business we simply observe that this is a view many are looking forward to … WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Despondent Buffalo Fan Wonders If Day Will Ever Come When He’ll Be Too Blackout Drunk To Remember Bills Super Bowl Victory EAST AURORA, NY—Lamenting that he may never get a chance to miss the greatest day of his life, local Buffalo Bills fan Mark Padula was reportedly despondent Thursday as he wondered if a day would ever come when he would be too blackout drunk to remember a Bills victory in the Super Bowl. “I’ve been a fan for almost 30 years, and it’s tough thinking that I may never wake up hungover on a Monday morning and be told the Bills are champions,” said Padula, who recounted formative memories of watching the Jim Kelly Bills and shaking his father awake on the bathroom floor to commiserate in their losses. “I just want that moment where my friends and family are going crazy around me while I’m passed out drooling on the couch. As a Buffalo fan, some people have been waiting their whole lives for that. Even just one chance to piece together memories of an amazing win from online clips and my friend’s description of the game would be enough for me.” At press time, Padula stated that his sadness over never having a celebratory drink in honor of a Bills Super Bowl win meant he needed a drink. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Complain They Are At Disadvantage Because They Are Much Worse Than All The Other Teams CHICAGO—Staring up at almost all other teams in the conference standings, Bears head coach Matt Eberflus held a press conference in which he complained that their team faces "an unfair disadvantage by virtue of the fact that our organization is much, much worse than all the other teams." In a fiery rant to the reporters gathered, Eberflus accused all the other NFL teams of having an unfair advantage by "playing decent football and not immediately falling flat on their faces in games." "It's unfair to expect us to field competitive teams when our guys fall apart every season," Eberflus told reporters. "If we managed to score more, had better defense, and were able to maintain any kind of momentum in games whatsoever, we would fare much better than we typically do when Sundays come around." Eberflus even alleged that teams "cheated" by "playing much better football and generally not being a joke of a football team that can't compete like professionals if their lives depended on it." According to sources, the Bears are planning on a "rebuilding decade" starting this season and hope to make another playoff appearance in 2030, with the lofty goal of "maybe even making it past the wildcard round." Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Last Place Bucky Beats First Place Purdue Following the recent trend of losing in sucking-hind-tit fashion followed by a supposedly season salvaging win, the Badgers won last Saturday over the formerly first place Boil Lancers. Incidents of dog kicking and curb jumping have abated, at least temporarily. Pom poms are waving even by some objective non-homers. The student section, for those who bothered to show up, enjoyed a good time with JUMP AROUND. And dammit Elroy, the Badgers are not yet mathematically eliminated from playing in the Big Ten Championship game and winning it! Sure, there were some highlights, but here at BU, we are not basking in the glow of lowered expectations. Teasing us with some optimism for the remainder of the season is that we dominated despite Purdue looking like a bad matchup on both sides of the ball and we were coming off a deflating loss at East Lansing. Nick Herbig (almost our entire pass rush threat) was held out and we were still missing bodies on the DL. The refs held off until garbage time blow calls that cost us 7 points. We were dialed in on both sides of the ball. The OL looked the best we have seen all season against a legitimate opponent. Rolling out and generally having time to pick out receivers, Graham Mertz played an “A” game. Unlike the previous week, he didn’t throw a single pass that was anywhere near being intercepted. He is second in the Big Ten in TD passes and on track to finish the season second only to Russell Wilson for single season TD passes for a Badgers QB. For all the fond memories you have of Randy Wright, Darrell Bevell, Brooks Bolinger, John Stocco and Scott Tolzein, Mertz could have all of them in the rearview mirror if he can continue to get up after the hits like he has absorbed the last two weeks. He also has a better arm than any of those guys, who had the luxury of throwing to better receivers. Defensively, our top cover CB returned for the first time this season to deliver shutdown coverage for 73 snaps. CB Ricardo Hallman, who was lit up late by Michigan State, was benched after two snaps and a PI penalty. Linebacker play has been trending upward after several games of underperformance. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Quick Jimmy, what’s the reward for a 3-game losing streak? Yes, ding, ding, winner, winner, chicken dinner! We get to the play the best team in the League! The Bills have the No. 2 Offense, the No. 1 Defense and are 1st in Point Differential. If you consider that we are playing in Buffalo and the difference in points, we “should” be a 20-point underdog, not the 11-point dogs that Vegas has assigned us. Historically the Bills are one of the few franchises that has an overall lead on us, 8 games to 5 with a 2-point average winning margin. During the Fraudgers era we are 2-1 against the Bills. And they’re supposed to get out of that funk – with a game at the powerhouse Buffalo Bills coming up on Sunday night, no less – without two of their top three veteran receivers and their rookie home-run threat? “Yeah, you know, it’s definitely not where we want it to be in terms of that room, but injuries are a part of this game. You’ve got to adjust, you’ve got to adapt,” LaFleur said. “It’s not the first time. We’ve gone through this before here.” Last year, the Packers were without Davante Adams (COVID), Lazard (COVID) and Marquez Valdes-Scantling (hamstring; injured reserve) for their Thursday night game at the undefeated Arizona Cardinals. With Equanimeous St. Brown, Cobb and Amari Rodgers starting, Juwann Winfree coming off the bench and tight end Robert Tonyan suffering a torn ACL, the Packers stunned the Cardinals 24-21. That game was supposed to be the blueprint in this post-Adams world. Instead?? (See above.) Acknowledging that they have some pretty good players, LaFleur predicted that they might be able to slow-down Jake Kumerow, but they won’t be able to completely stop a powerhouse like him. The difference in this game will be how well Amarone Rodgers plays. Is he a bust? No (well not technically yet) … “We’ve got to get some guys ready to play. Bottom line,” LaFleur said. Ready or not, your top receivers for this game will be Sammy Watkins, Romeo Dubbs, Amaroni Rodgers, and Samori Toure… yup, and the guy they snagged in the 7th round from some-where-or-other-State. Here’s betting LaFleur and Rodgers figure it out (mainly because Coach always predicts a win) … Packers 24 Bills 23 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Not may Packers defenders had memorable enough plays to have earned nicknames for them. Going into Buffalo, Coach reminds you of the Paup Smear, named for fan favorite and stand-up guy OLB Bryce Paup. The 6’5” farm boy came to the Pack in Round 6 of the 1990 draft, which was the same year as Round 2 selection, Hall of Famer, LeRoy Butler. Despite his tutelage under incompetent head coach Lindy Infante, Paup’s impact on the field improved as he gained NFL experience. In the first game of the 1991 season, Bryce was involved in a sack that sidelined Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Randall Cunningham for the remainder of the season. His aggressive physical style on that play endeared him to fans, who subsequently referred to this infamous tackle as the “Paup Smear.” Bryce was a solid and dependable performer and clocked 11.5 sacks with a Pro Bowl appearance to boot in 1994. This sadly was his last year in Green Bay and off he went to Buffalo where he led the team in sacks in 1995 and was the NFL Defensive Player of the Year. Despite wild spreading rumors, Bryce Paup is no relation to Micah Hyde. On December 20, 1997 Bryce made his return to Green Bay where he was greeted by a standing ovation before kickoff by Packers fans. I remember, because I was there. It was quite a moment to see such a welcoming ovation for an opposing player. Some of this may have had to do with the fact that Bryce had become a Green Bay resident in the off season, and the Packers just won the Super Bowl several months prior, and this was the last game of a season in which they dominated opponents en route to their 2nd consecutive Super Bowl appearance (remember the Super Bowls?). The Packers went on to beat the Bills that day 31-21.
After retiring from professional football, Bryce went on to coach High School ball in DePere and at Green Bay Southwest, while also being on the Green Bay Packers Board of directors. So this week we salute a most deserving Packers great, Bryce Paup. Now go remind your wife to make an appointment for her annual checkup. |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
Categories |