Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: No more lipstick on a pig… Coach likes the throwback jerseys as much as the next guy. By that I mean – take ’em or leave ’em, either way I don’t really care, same as everyone else. Just win the fucking football game. It seems like Green Bay Packers, Inc. is spending an inordinate amount of effort on things that have nothing to do with winning the Super Bowl, and more to do with attention getting splash. If Mark Murphy was from around here, he would get that, but he isn’t, so he doesn’t. He is investing a lot money into things that will return little revenue once the number of L’s we have starts flirting with our quantity of W’s, and we are on the precipice of that right now. Last year circa Week 8 somebody needed to tell Matt LaFleur that everybody except Matt LaFleur knew his Special Teams would be the downfall of the team unless a change occurred at the coordinator position. I knew it, you knew, EVERYBODY knew it. So someone, perhaps - like the guy who proclaimed himself the one in charge of communication, should have told Matt LaFleur to course correct. So fast-forward to present day and here we are again – it’s clear that several 1st round picks are not being used to take advantage of their skills and are unable as a group to achieve defensive greatness, or competence. So this time around, at the midweek point of this season, if Murphy won’t open his mouth then I will profess to Matt LaFleur that he must do that most difficult of difficult tasks, fire one of his buddies before the team reaches the point of no return – or limp along until his failure to do so brings an abrupt end to the season. Sure, the Packers looked swell in their fancy schmancy bright green uni’s during warmups last week, but that didn’t hide my ability to see the crappy product on the field once the game started. The need for a new defensive coordinator is hard to miss. …at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Proximate Cause vs. Ultimate Cause WTF Coach? A proximate cause is an event which is closest to, or immediately responsible for causing, some observed result. This exists in contrast to a higher-level ultimate cause (or distal cause) which is usually thought of as the "real" reason something occurred. Hang with Coach here Jimmy. The proximate cause is that we didn’t block or tackle as well as the Jets. Are you sensing a theme yet Jimmy? You might think that some of Erin Fraudgers low passer rating is that he was battered around like a cheap pinata at a meth-head’s birthday party … and that is not really very far off the mark … …but the truth is that he was throwing the ball very poorly right off the bat … you know, like he has been doing all year. Well Coach, Offense and Special Teams stunk it up … but what about the D? The apologists for Defense point to their good play for 21/2 Quarters. As former D-Coordinator Poutine once said: “there is a word for almost winning, it’s called ‘losing’” … and losing we did to finish out the game on D. One of the better defensive plays of the game was DT Lowry batting down a pass on 2nd & 7 … and thank goodness he did! The Jets were running a crossing route that would have gone for at least 25 yards if he didn’t knock it down. I’m not saying we got lucky, let’s just say 99 times out of 100 the play goes for at least 25 yards … and it’s obvious we have not “fixed” the crossing pattern yet. Not to be out done by the Pass D, the Run D had its share of complete SNAFU’s as well. “The Dagger” was the Jets' six-play, 55-yard touchdown drive that was capped by Hall's 34-yard rushing touchdown on the first play of the fourth quarter. When asked what happened on the play, Adrian Amos said: “Somebody wasn’t in their gap up the seam and he just took off”. The Proximate Cause, Jimmy, is that we played like shit… The Proximate Cause, Jimmy, is that we played with no heart. One of the most telling moments were the opposing Coaches’ view of the game. Jets Head Coach, Robert Sahleh, and best friend of Petite LaFleur, had this to say when recounting his half-time speech: “just keep giving the Packers body blow after body blow, keep hitting them in the mouth, we felt like if we kept taking them down to deeper water, they’ll find out they can’t swim.” At the same time in the Losers-Locker-Room, Petite LaFleur was saying: “Ultimately, you hate beating up on your buddy in this league.” LaFleur is soft and so is our team. Guess which Coach Vince Lombardi endorses from Heaven … hint: Vince didn’t believe in “having fun*” and feeling bad about winning. *LaFleur put an emphasis on players “having fun” in practice this week. According to Fraudgers and Petite Fleur we did not execute well. Once upon-a-time there was an NFL expansion team in Tampa Bay called the Creamsicle Buc’s. They were coached by one of the most successful College Football Coaches ever, a guy by the name of John McKay. McKay had a 74.9% winning record at USC, won nine Pac 8 Titles and won 4 National Championships. He immediately knew that he made a mistake in leaving USC … and he was extremely frustrated with his 0-26 start an NFL Head Coach. John McKay was asked after yet another loss: “What do you think of your team’s execution?” McKay replied: “I’m in favor of it!” The Ultimate Cause, Jimmy, is a bit less visible, but very easy to understand. Lack of Leadership When asked if he needed to play better, Fraudgers replied: “maybe a little tick”. Leaders take accountability, Losers shift the blame to others. In the wake of the disaster against the Jets, Rodgers made one thing very clear … Aaron Rodgers said some derivative of “simplify the offense” over 30 times during his 15-minute presser after Jets loss. But what exactly does that mean? Don’t ask Matt LaFleur, when Matt LaFleur is asked about that, he says, “I don’t know what that means.” When Mark Murphy was asked what went wrong, he replied: “Don’t you fret, Erin and I will leave no stone unturned this week when we go looking for who’s to blame, I just know that it’s not me.” As much as we all want Erin Fraudgers off the Team, he aint going nowhere. As much as the crowd cheered when Jordan Love entered the Jets game in the 4th Qtr. … Fraudgers is here for the foreseeable future. If we cut him today, we’d have $151 million in dead cap money … and if we cut him in 2023, we’d have $100 million in dead cap. Like it or not, we have him for 2022, and you’d better hope he comes back next year. If he doesn’t, we will be screwed and we will have to essentially fire the whole team to get under the Salary Cap. Oh, BTW, this is also the reason nobody will take him in trade … Lack of Leadership … and how the hell did we get here?? Let’s take a stroll down Memory Lane Jimmy … you see for 30 years we had one of the best organizations in the NFL. Bob Harlan put in place a structure and system of accountability and inserted Ron Wolf in the role of General Manager. Sensibly, when Mark Murphy took over for Harlan, he kept the structure and tabbed Ted Thompson to play the “Ron Wolf Role”. This worked extremely well up until the point that, sadly, Ted fell into dementia. Murphy waited about 4 years too long, but eventually he pushed TT into retirement… …and the restructuring he did along with that has caused the vast majority of today’s problems. In 2018 Murphy fired HC Melissa McCarthy (also 4 years too late) … but the real sin was confusing the lack of talent with a problem in the organizational structure. Murphy effectively eliminated the GM role and inserted himself. Gutey was hired as “GM” … which in reality is now “Head of Scouting” … while assumed most of the GM role. A bit under the radar, but just as importantly, he also gave Erin a monster contract in 2018, and effectively made Fraudgers the Offensive Coordinator when new Head Coach Little Flower was hired. That structure worked well enough until the Packers had the “audacity” to draft a replacement QB for the aging QB in the 2020 draft. The move prompted an MVP Season in 2020, but then Erin threw down his toys and started crying on the floor. In response, Murphy rolled over again and gave Fraudgers a promotion to Uber Head Coach. The consequence is that he ceded more control to Fraudgers; and Erin got control of more of the team and specifically got more control of the way the Team is run. Not satisfied with the control he gained in 2021, Erin Fraudgers held out again in early 2022 and demanded the franchise-hostage-holding-contract that Murphy eventually gave him. And, as you know, as part of that latest contract, Murphy gave up his title of CEO and ceded it to Fraudgers. After years of posturing, posing, and pushing the blame onto everyone else, Fraudgers runs the Packers. Much like the dog chasing the car, Fraudgers is now in the position of “WTF do I do now?”. He has no one else to blame, no one else to point the finger out … he’s in charge and he’s the one f’ing it all up. It’s just too bad that Fraudgers, Murphy and Petite Fleur can’t man-up like the 33rd President of the United States. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Washington Commanders Unveil New Mascot ‘General Custer’ SUMMERFIELD, MD - The Washington Football Team changed its name this year, finalizing a multiple years-long transition from 'Redskins' to 'Commanders.' Along with the shiny new name, the team announced a brand new mascot: General George Custer. "We wanted a mascot that would represent the ultimate commander," said team owner Dan Snyder. "Someone the fans could rally behind as we make our last stand on defense." General Custer, who famously said, "There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry," will be on the sidelines every game to cheer on the Commanders with the crowd. Native American leaders have been critical of the new mascot. "Commanders is vague enough to be inoffensive, but this mascot makes everything worse. Custer was famous for reveling in the slaughter of native tribes," said Chief Rolling Hamster. "I'd prefer they call themselves the Redskins at this point." Notable Indigenous Person Elizabeth Warren also expressed her disgust. "That you would parade a white man mascot around instead of a Native American is abhorrent. Are you saying Native Americans can't be commanders? I'm tired of rich white people making these decisions!" she lamented from her mansion in Cambridge. According to sources, fans in and around the nation's capital just want to enjoy some football for once in their lives. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Sure, the Packers look like crap to us this year, but – ask any Bears fan, it could be worse. It pains us to see the Vikings at the top of the division (although it is still pretty early), but we should find solace in the fact that, no matter what the Bears do, they can’t seem to get out of their own way and get up to 0.500. Last week they lost 12-7 on Thursday night to the 1-4 Washington Commanders (aka Redskins) – our opponent this week. The Commanders are sort of the Bears of the east coast … just a fucked up organization that has its head up its ass. Hell, they can’t even pick a new team name within a reasonable time frame and, when they finally do, it is widely regarded as very stupid. To be honest, I would not have been surprised if that sad excuse for a game last week ended in a 0-0 tie. Alas, however, the Bears, and the scoreboard, proved beyond a reasonable doubt that they suck even worse than the lowly Commanders, lest there be any doubt. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Jimmy Leonhard out, Paul Chryst Reinstated The Jimmy Leonhard internship has been abruptly terminated following the drubbing in East Lansing, culminating in the immediate reinstatement of Paul Chryst as head coach on Monday. An alternate ad hoc committee of Barry & Ginni Alvarez, Paul Chryst’s neighbors, and his Diet Coke valet ruled 6-3 that athletic director Chris McIntosh and their radical socialist athletic department administrators overstepped their powers in removing Chryst as head coach. Supported by a few big dollar unnamed athletic supporters, the quick re-re-org was surprisingly put in place with little fanfare. Chryst in need of new blood, cleaned house. Leonard who had at first had been busted back down to DC , was sent packing. Jimmy was last seen packing his bags and muttering something about moving to LA to become a Hollywood stuntman or maybe a rent-a-cop in charge of crowd control at the Rose Bowl parade. The reason for the firing was made clear. Congrats to one below average and mistake-prone football team (Sparty) beating another below average mistake-prone football team (Bucky). Hard to believe these two teams were ranked at one time, this season! This loss was a season killer. We were favored by 7 against a team that had been giving up yards in bunches, losing four in a row. Bucky exhibited the same inconsistency, lack of focus, lack of discipline and lack of scoring that we saw prior to the Northwestern game. Just when we were beginning to believe in Graham Mertz, he threw three passes that rank with his career worst. The first was thrown behind his tight end, letting Michigan State back in the game emotionally as they had just been stood up at the goal line. The other two passes hit MSU defenders between the numbers in the hands, only to be dropped. There were no Badger receivers in the same zip code on the last pass, which should have ended the game. To Mertz’s credit, he hit Chimere Dike for a TD pass a play or two later. After letting MSU back in the game with the pick, MSU outplayed Bucky for the remainder of the game. Superior athleticism and size took over. Fortunately, MSU repeatedly shot themselves in the foot with dumb penalties, before handing the gun over to Bucky during the second half for their share of foot shooting. Freshman ball boy Fred Malugnut was installed in Leonard’s place: This team has flaws that may not be resolved this season, short of guys coming back from injuries. It is hard to expect the flipping of the switch that we saw last year starting with the Purdue game. There is no pass rush, with the exception of Nick Herbig. To paraphrase Coach Klein from The Waterboy "Guys, Herbig can't win this game by himself". Then, pulling Herbig aside, whipers in his ear, "Herbig, you're gonna have win this game by yourself." Even with Bostad back coaching the OL, turning that mess around may be too much to ask in one season. When Mertz did have time to throw, he either couldn’t find open receivers or there were no open receivers. During his first day back in office, Chryst was quick to take action. Calling his inner Woody Hayes, and very unlike his previous incarnation, Chryst opened Wednesday’s practice by kicking center Joe Tippman and punching Graham Mertz under his facemask. Who better than Paul Chryst to fire up a team and Camp Randall crowd that can be expected to be flat as a pancake at kickoff on Saturday? Purdue’s passing game is flourishing, which is bad news for a Bucky defense lacking pass rush and lockdown coverage. Purdue’s defense is much stronger vs. the run than the pass. Bad matchups on both sides of the ball for Bucky. On paper, Bucky loses. On the field, they find the grit that has been missing this year to grind out a win 21-17. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Coach has had all he can take looking at Stats and film … ultimately this Sunday will boil down to the question: “Can Erin Fraudgers and Petite Fleur get their collective heads out of their collective asses?” Never mind the very confusing allusion and the picture it may form in your head, here is why we will win: 1. Redskins’ owner Dan Snyder. He’s f’d up the talent for years and now he’s in legal trouble and it looks like he may be kicked out of the NFL Owners Fraternity. 2. Redskin denial. Yeah, there’s a PC argument for changing the name and adopting, literally, the dumbest looking logo in the history of the NFL. Looks like Darth Vader at a Medieval Reenactors Guild meeting. 3. Tell Coach again what the problem is with the original, respectful representation of a brave Brave? 4. Last year we handled them 24-10 at Lambeau and QB Taylor Heinicke was the leading rusher … crappy run defense and all we will stop them. 5. All-time, we have a winning record and we average a 3-point win. We’ve also got a 4-3 record against them in the Fraudgers era. 6. Our Offense is (slightly) better than their Defense. Our D is slightly better than their O … overall that gives us about a point advantage at their place … but Vegas knows we are coming back and has set the line at 5 ½ points. Plan on the Pack finally showing up … with a score that echoes the 1996 Packers averages! (O 28.5 ppg, D 13.1 PPG) JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Born in Los Angeles on October 14, 1908, Adolph Schwammel, known as “Ade” or “Tar,” graduated from Freemont High School in Oakland and then entered the Navy. Eventually, he made his way onto the football team at Oregon State College in 1930. A tackle, he lettered on the gridiron in 1931, ’32 and ’33 at OSC, earning All-America status as a senior. Ade famously invented the “Pyramid Play” in college to block kicks. OSU utilized the play several times until it was banned subsequently by the NCAA. Schwammel joined the Packers in 1934 and appeared in all 13 games, starting ten. In 1935, he appeared in 11 and started eight and was named All-Pro. Unfortunately, that season his 16-yard missed field goal with 55 seconds to play against the Cardinals on Thanksgiving cost Green Bay a victory that may have propelled them to the Western crown. The following season, the Packers won the championship, and Schwammel appeared in all 12 games, starting seven, and was named to the All-Pro second team. When Ade and Curly Lambeau couldn’t agree on a contract in 1937, the burly tackle retired from football. Six years later at age 35 he returned to the Packers during World War II. He played in two games in ’43 and eight in the championship year of ’44. At that point, he retired from football for good. Schwammel went pretty much under the radar in the years that followed until Oregon officials seized thousands of donkey penises that were about to be exported to Hong Kong as aphrodisiacs. Sacks of the donkey male genitals were seized at the international airport in Portland, the Customs Service area commander, Harold Pye, told reporters. The consignment was “falsely declared by Adolph Schwammel of Corvallis, Oregon… as cow male genitals (but) after due examination, my export officers discovered they were donkey male genitals.” A total of 16 sacks of the genitals were seized, he said.
That’s a lot of organs from Oregon. So today we salute you, Ade Schwammel, for Pyramid Plays and Donkey Dicks. What the hell? Go Packers.
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …LaFleur doesn’t realize he’s a head coach. Somewhere along the line, somebody told Matt LaFleur he was a good play caller. …especially when he uses motion to confuse defenses, which results in a completed pass. The problem with that praise, however, is that it now negatively affects him as a head coach. Case in point: 3rd & 8 in field goal range, up by a touchdown, with 10 minutes left in the game. The Belichicks (or even lowly armchair coaches) of the world recognize / appreciate the unlikelihood of converting this down and distance, and value the opportunity to go up by 2 scores at this late phase of the contest. Rather than call a safe run play to take the easy 3-points, LaFleur commits the cardinal sin and calls a pass play that ends up in a sack – out of field goal range. It’s not like our run game wasn’t working (nor was it like our pass blocking was working). Shoot, our RB’s averaged almost 5 yards/carry against the Giants! To make matters worse, following the ensuing punt, the defense gave up a 91-yard scoring drive to the Giants – tying the game, and our defense was gassed / jet lagged / on their heels – you name it. So the head coach of an NFL football team should know to negotiate some ball control at that point in the game. But that’s exactly when LaFluer again ignored his head coaching responsibilities and became a subservient play caller. Point numero B: three consecutive “chuck it, Aaron” pass plays resulting in an immediate 3 & Out. When challenged by reporters this week about those head-scratching pass play calls, LaFleur said they were good plays and he would be praised if they would have worked. Huh? He then explained he was taking what the defense was giving him, “They were daring us to pass.” Again, he did not act like a head coach with strategic means to an end (victory). He acted like a pass play caller with no regard for how tired his defense was, or how effective the run game had been all game long, which is what the head coach should be focused on. LaFeur went on to say he wished the RB’s would have gotten more touches, and that was on him. No shit, Sherlock. Running the ball won’t ever get you praise as a play caller. So what’s really more important to you, Matt? Time to decide. You’re not a bad play caller, but it comes at the expense of making good, “higher level” head coaching in-game decisions. If you want to be known as a genius play caller, that’s a fine goal – but you’re in the wrong role … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme As Coach famously wrote in the opening of his classic novel: The Tale of Two Games (Think hard, you probably read it in H.S.) It was the best of times As you know, the “London Game” was a home game for the Pack; with Packer’s paint in the EZ and very familiar opening ceremonies. The U.S. Military Honor Guards were joined by their British Counterparts and both the Star-Spangled Banner and God Save the Queen King were lustily sung by all. Coach was also very pleased and impressed that the standard Go-Pack-Go prompt was played throughout the game with a loud and enthusiastic crowd response each time. (Albeit the first time was when we were on Offense, which somebody corrected immediately. Man, why the hell don’t they play it at Lambeau anymore??) The crowd included enough Lambeau regulars to quiet the crowd when folks wanted to cheer while we were on Offense … a very disciplined and impressive display by the crowd of ~70% Packer fans!! Plenty of beer was consumed and the Packer fans were gracious and friendly hosts to the Giants fans, pretty much like Lambeau! Oh yeah, there was also a football game. The first half felt a bit choppy and uneven, but when we went up 17-3 with 7:25 left in the 1st-Half it felt like “game over”. With a lead of 20-10 at the Half it looked like we would cruise to victory. It was the worst of times The NFL wants Europe and the rest of the World to embrace NFL football. For all that was done properly to make it feel like Lambeau, they could not help themselves… T-Shirt Cannons? Yeah sure, at a Minor League baseball park to get families to come out and enjoy an affordable night at the ballpark and get the kids a cool souvenir. Kiss Cams? Arghhh, yes, just like at an NBA game between two 3-12 teams. Sponsored by the Tourist Association of Kissimmee, Florida with prompts to “come visit”?!?!? For the sake of Vince, I sure hope he had already rolled on his side and couldn’t see the game from his perch up there in Football Heaven. Another feature during very TV-time-out were live, in-game-analysis by Brit TV Hottie Sam Quek. Primarily the interviews were with “NFL Legend” Maurice Jones-Drew (not kidding, that’s how she introduced him). The insightful analysis was along the lines of “Maurice, was that a cool touchdown?” and “will scoring a TD have an impact on the game?” Coach can only guess that these “explanations” the game were to help explain the game to the “dumb Euros”. Honestly, Coach does not understand for one second who the NFL thinks they are attracting. The stadium was full and the scalped ticket prices high-enough that it was clear they could have filled the stadium several times over. The Euro-Packer-Fans that Coach met understood the game at least as well, if not better, than the average schmoe at Lambeau. Sitting right behind Coach was a German family that went to the Packers-Bucs game two weeks ago, then went to Disney and then travelled onward to England for the Packer game. The whole experience was a very, very cool opportunity to meet Packer fans from around the World, too bad the morons at the NFL think they need to “manufacture fun” to attract fans. Summary learning children? Euro-NFL-Fans = Cool NLF Marketing = Inane Morons Oh yeah, back to the bad news, we also had to play the 2nd-Half. The Packers obviously thought the game was over at the Half. It could not have been more painful … 4 drives, 10:25 TOP, 25 plays, 88 yds and ZERO POINTS in the 2nd Half. Last episode Coach predicted pretty closely the Offensive output (blue below); but the D continued to be a sieve against the run game … which has gotta stop!! The Packers D and Special Teams will again be the difference as the Offense continues to play Preseason Ball and is trying to figure itself out! Coach sees a foreign exhibition of American Football at Tottenham Stadium. Packers predicted 24 actual 22 G-Men predicted 17 actual 27 Ironically, the Special Teams did in fact do their job, but the “Top 5 Defense” has yet to appear. We need the Offense to sustain drives to keep the team in the game, we led time-of-possession at the half, but only kept the ball for 10:25 in the 2nd. So, back to the future, we need to Offense to keep the D off the field until Petite Fleur grows a pair and fires D Coordinator Chuck Berry. As pathetic as 2nd-Half performance was, there was still a chance to tie the game at the end. Late in the 4th Quarter the Pack drove 69 yards down to the Giants 6-yd line with 1:11 left in the game. With 1:05 left in the game and the score 20-27, we made it to the Giants 6-yd-line with 1-yd needed for a first down. On both 3rd and 4th downs Rogers checked out of run plays into passes, both of which were batted down. The well-coached Giants D put in 8-in-the-box and Rodgers took the bait; runs would have worked extremely well both times. The shot above shows the hole that “didn’t exist” on 4th and 1 … clearly Dillon would have gotten the 1st if not a TD. Coach went looking for answers and direction, so he contacted his old buddy! Former Packers Guard and Pro-Bowler, TL Jang. When asked for his analysis of the game, he said: “it’s simple, fun the rucking ball!” Coach thinks that ole TL Jang may be onto something. Rodgers’ EPA-per-drop-back is at a level like his 2015-2018 late-McCarthy-era period. Rodgers average depth of target has moved up from lowest to fourth lowest and he leads the league in the percentage of his attempts going behind the line of scrimmage (26.2%). Despite the modest efficiency on these pre-dominantly RPO/designed passes, the real problem is when Rodgers tries to throw down the field. Rodgers ranks 23rd in adjusted completion percentage (which counts drops as completions) and 26th in yards per attempt. Rodgers said after the game: “We wanted to come here and put on a show and win a football game, the crowd was outstanding. This was a fantastic experience for all of us. Very clearly Fraudgers is not focusing on winning football games, he wants to “put on a show” … which explains the psychology of checking out run plays to weak pass plays. The confusing thing is that Fraudgers is just missing passes downfield, what the hell is going on out there? Coach did some undercover work and discovered that Rodgers skipped all team practices this week and was interviewing for the prestigious job of Manager of the famed soccer club Richmond AFC. So, the MVP quarterback is not playing like an MVP and is skipping practices and missing throws during games? The MVP quarterback who talks all off season about being “all-in” is interviewing for other jobs? Maybe it’s time to shake things up a bit, time to rattle #12’s cage? Maybe time for a little bit of Jordan Love? Coach recommends giving Love a spin around the block, give him the 2nd quarter against the Jets. Sure, it will piss-off Rodgers … but does Coach care about that? No! Coach doesn’t care about “putting on a show” … Coach cares about winning the f’ng game. On the defensive side, it is clear to see how poorly coached this team is. D Coordinator Chuck Berry had zero track record of being able to put together quality defenses. Berry is a prime example of someone who has failed up through ‘who he knows’ rather than earning the promotions he’s given, a reality we are paying for. Green Bay continues, week after week, to post bad rush defense performances and week after week the team continues to operate within the same structure with the same errors and the same breakdowns. If you’re a coach who can’t adapt scheme to personnel, you’re a bad coach, and have no business at the highest levels of football. The Packers are not only getting beaten in the run game, but their structure is handing offenses easy yards. The Packers have given up the 2nd-fewest passing yards in the NFL through 5 weeks (885), yet somehow, we've allowed the most yards of any defense on crossing routes by FAR in 2022 (327). Time for Petite Fleur to prove the NFL Coaching Ranks are not just a fraternity, not just a revolving door of re-treads. Time for Petite Fleur to prove that DC Joe Barry is not the 2022 version of 2021’s ST Coordinator Mo Drayton … that is the Coach who is simultaneously incompetent and untouchable. Mike Zimmer is out there … just saying … WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Rams Yell At Cooper Kupp From Sidelines As He Sits In Endzone Playing With Ladybug He Found INGLEWOOD, CA—Shaking their heads in frustration as the team lined up to take a first-down snap, members of the Los Angeles Rams were overheard yelling at wide receiver Cooper Kupp from the sidelines Sunday as he sat in the endzone playing with a ladybug he found. “Hey, Cooper! Cooper! Eyes up, we’ve got a game to play,” shouted head coach Sean McVay, waving his arms in an attempt to get the attention of the 28-year-old who was plucking individual blades of turf from the field and shouted back that he was busy building a home for his new best friend. “We talked about this in practice, bud, you need to stay alert. Until the whistle blows, the play is still going on—stand up! Put your friend down and get in the game, please—if you do, there’s a Capri Sun with your name on it. Oh, great, now [Cam] Akers is skipping over to join him.” At press time, Kupp was reportedly inconsolable after the ladybug’s house was carelessly crushed by an opposing player. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Snatch Defeat from the Jaws of Victory MINNEAPOLIS—The Bears played one of the worst halves in the history of sports that use halves, and they lost a game they could have won if not for another knuckleheaded play late in the 4th quarter that proves they just suck. It’s hard to understand how Chicago could have come out so flat, especially against a team that played in London 7 days before. The Bears started with a delay of game penalty on their first offensive play, as they only had 10 men on the field (doh!). Teams rehearse their first 15 plays or so in the days leading up to a game, like a Broadway cast going over its lines. You English majors will appreciate that reference, and also recognize this as foreshadowing. What followed was a mess, a mess that would lead to a 21-3 hole. That’s when the Vikings let up, got hit by jet lag, took pity, or maybe a little of all of those, and the Bears slowly crawled their way back to within the point spread as the clock ticked closer and closer toward zero. But this is the Bears we’re talking about. Down 29-22, the Bears had every reason to think they could score on the Vikings again, grab a two-point conversion and sneak out of Minneapolis with a victory. Then Bears receiver (and former Viking) Ihmir Smith-Marsette, after a 15-yard reception, inexplicably tried to get more yards rather than get out of bounds to stop the clock with about a minute left. Minnesota’s Cameron Dantzler pulled the ball out of Smith-Marsette’s hands and – BOOM, game over. Justin Field, Matt Eberflus or not, the Bears still suck. Some things will never change. Thank God we play them twice each year. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground “Air Wisconsin” goes 1-0! Bucky put out a dominating performance with 6 touchdown passes, 299 yards passing, a career day for Chimre Dike and some serious injury bullets dodged. This was a good start to the Jimmy Leonhard era. Do note that this Northwestern team is so bad that the refs didn’t even bother with phantom holding and pass interference calls. “We have to play off our passing game,” said Leonhard. “Teams are going to stop the run. They are going to load the box and dedicate a lot of attention to our running backs and o-line. We have to be able to balance that a little bit.” Ya think? Here at BU, we welcome this obvious piece of insight. Our title is tongue in cheek, but with hope opposing teams see a lot more of our Dairy Air! i.e. chasing derriere’s into end zones. Fans like us have been screaming for more first down passing. We got it during the first half as WI built its lead. Same goes for play-action passing and RPO. Mertz was 7/10 on play-action on Saturday, and that previously he'd been 6/9 FOR THE YEAR. You may ask, is there a reason that an offense predicated on being able to run the ball would not run play-action a lot every game? Answer: bad offensive line. Play action takes a bit longer to develop. It is a ton easier and a ton less risky to pass on first down when the defense like Northwestern’s has zero pass rush. In contrast, the OL was not good against Illinois and Mertz was under siege all day. Against Northwestern, nobody was putting any pressure on Mertz. Compounding matters for Northwestern, nobody could cover in the secondary with or without 8 men in the box. Who knows what the final score would have been if Chryst were coaching, but likely it would have been a win. It's safe to say that Chryst would have run a RB into the 8-man box for little-to-no gain 10 more times, and then put our QB in must pass situations 10 more times, and then made it much easier for the NW defense to make a big play 10 more times. It was refreshing to watch an offense that for a change did not look like a constipated old man attempting to drop a deuce. We think Jimmy may have left the O Game Plan to OC Bobby Engram who finally released the pent-up hounds. We can’t wait to see how this continues with more formidable foes. Mertz seems to relish it with just one guy whispering in his ear. Jimmy Leonhard in some ways is the anti-Chryst. His press conferences are insightful. He tells it like it is. One tidbit of note was a comment that players had fallen into a pattern of folding as soon as anything went wrong. This began taking shape as far back as the 2018 season when the defense collapsed following turnovers by Jonathan Taylor and Jack Coan after blowing a big lead. The defense similarly collapsed in the 2019 Rose Bowl vs. Oregon following a Danny Davis fumble. This weekend’s tilt in East Lansing has the Badgers favored by 7.5 points. Fortunately for Bucky, Michigan State is in the midst of their own tailspin. Rushing totals for the last four games were 42, 38, 100, and 7 yards for an average of 66.8 yards per game. Not surprisingly, the Spartans are riding a four-game losing streak. The line play hasn’t been great. With a strong rushing attack as an ally last season, quarterback Payton Thorne passed for 248.7 yards per game, with 27 touchdowns and 10 interceptions. His numbers this season: 205.7 yards per game, with nine touchdowns and seven interceptions. Defensively, they are allowing 292.0 passing yards per game, the worst mark in the Big Ten and 445.5 total yards per game, the No. 13 mark in the league. Their scoring defense (27.0 ppg) is 11th in the Big Ten. Twelve times in 26 games, the Spartans have allowed at least 300 yards passing. This season the Spartans have intercepted one pass and have allowed 14 touchdown passes. Too bad the Badgers are not a good enough passing team to take full advantage of this. Michigan State might get star senior safety Xavier Henderson and defensive tackle Jacob Slade back from injury this week, but there still are significant issues on the back-end UW might exploit. This game likely comes down to how well the Badgers can limit MSU's passing game. Thorne will test the Badgers cornerbacks deep, and the Spartans can put up points in a hurry if they don't hold up. Pressure up front and smart play outside will be crucial for UW. MSU likely won't be able to stop UW on the ground without committing extra bodies, but that will stress an already struggling secondary. We expect Graham Mertz to have another strong day and the Badgers win a tight one 31-26 Bucky. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game J – E – T – S ... Jets, Jets, Jets As explained in X&O’s above, the NFL Coaching Ranks is not a revolving door fraternity of buddies getting jobs cuz they know somebody. As of this writing, Coach cannot confirm that Petite LaFleur will have a sleep over with his brother and best buddy when they come to town this weekend. After a nice plate of warm pancakes together on Sunday morning … Coach is sure that they will do everything possible to “go to war” against each other and then have a nice BBQ over at the LaFleur’s afterwards. The Packers and Jets have only played 13 times and the Jets are one of the few teams that have a winning record vs. the Pack. We are 5-8 against the Jets and lose by an average of 5 points. However, during the Rodgers era, we are 3-0, including the memorable 9-0 slug fest at the Meadowlands during the 2010 SB Season and the 2018 44-38 OT thriller. With Rodgers we average a 28-21 win. Vegas must be looking at the historical margin as the betting line is Packers by 7.5 points. However, during the Rodgers era, we are 3-0, including the memorable 9-0 slug fest at the Meadowlands during the 2010 SB Season and the 2018 44-38 OT thriller. With Rodgers we average a 28-21 win. Vegas must be looking at the historical margin as the betting line is Packers by 7.5 points. It turns out that we are evenly matched. Looking at Avg yards gained vs. avg yards given up on D, the two teams are also evenly matched, with a slight advantage to us. Looking the same numbers from a ranking standpoint, you see the same thing, but with a slight advantage to the Jets.
Assuming the standard:
This one will boil down Erin Rodgers finally having a good game in 2022 and the D starting to round into form. Coach bets we will, finally. Packers 24 Jets 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Carlos Alan Autry was born in Shreveport, Louisiana, on July 31, 1952. When he was two, his family moved to the San Joaquin (Joe-a-kwin) Valley in California where they picked cotton to make a living. His parents divorced, and Carlos grew up with his mother’s name, Brown. At 6’3″ 210 pounds, he earned a football scholarship to Fresno State and became the first person in his family to attend college. In 1975, the Packers picked him in the 12th round of the draft, and he made the team as a third-string quarterback. Carlos wore #19 and barely played in his rookie year, but when starter Lynn Dickey went down to injury in 1976, Brown started three games late in the season and proved he was overmatched in the NFL. He completed 26 of 74 passes for two touchdowns and six interceptions in those three games, all losses. He was cut in 1977 and later played a year in the Canadian Football League. Through some Hollywood people he had met, he started acting in movies in the late 1970s. He appeared in North Dallas Forty, Popeye and Southern Comfort as Carlos Brown. However, in 1981 Carlos met his father for the first time as an adult and went back to Autry, Alan Autry. He continued acting in movies like Brewster’s Millions and Amazing Grace and Chuck before hitting it big on television. In 1988, he landed the role of Captain Bubba Skinner on the new television series “In the Heat of the Night” and stayed for seven years. From there he starred on another series, “Grace Under Fire,” for two seasons and then formed his own production company. In 2000, he followed in the footsteps of fellow actor/mayor Clint Eastwood by being elected mayor of a California city, in Autry’s case Fresno. He was then reelected in 2004, but term limits ended his political career in 2009. He still makes occasional film and television appearances. From growing up as the son of divorced farm workers to the NFL to Movies and Television to Politics, Carlos Brown aka Alan Autry has lived the American Dream through hard work and dedication and, for that, we salute you Carlos / Alan!
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: we underestimate the Brits… It’s fair to say things didn’t start out so well with jolly ol’ England. What, with the tyrant King George III and all. But we kicked the Red Coats’ ass back across the pond and, after another brief scuffle in 1812, we became the best of friends. We even mourned with the Brits when the celebrated Queen of England, Elizabeth II passed earlier this year. Coach likes the Brits. They are tough sons of bitches. Geez, they held off Hitler’s Nazis by themselves (for the most part) for almost 3 years. Recall that England only had 47 million people back then, and the German territories had 87 million. What the Brits lacked in tanks and Percocet they made up for with guts and ingenuity. Coach won’t get into all the WWII details, but – long story short, the Brits won (with a little help from us and the Ruskies). Benny Hill and Monty Python. As a young lad Coach would stay up late to watch these classic rebroadcasts on PBS and L'dMAO. The Benny Hill Show was a series of live skits that more or less spent an hour objectifying women. No surprise, it was one of the most watched TV programs in British history. Monty Python episodes were uniquely hilarious, topped only by their classic feature length films like The Holy Grail and Life of Brian. If you haven’t seen these, or don’t find them funny, I do not want to meet you. Coach knows you readily recognize the Brits for their significant contributions to Rock ‘n Roll. You know the bands … Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd, The Smiths, Sex Pistols, Queen, The Kinks, and of course, Herman’s Hermits. OK enough on that. Now let’s talk beer. Newcastle Brown Ale, Boddington’s Pub Ale, Old Speckled Hen, Harvey’s Imperial Extra Double Stout, Fuller’s ESB, and Coach’s personal favorite: Robinsons Trooper Ale. All made in England, and all delicious. Go get yourself some of these and you won’t regret it. Cheers! So, in summary, the Brits may have bad teeth and their chicks might be homely, but admire their stiff upper lip, enjoy their sense of humor, sip their delightful ales, crank Stairway to Heaven and Bob’s your uncle you’ll have a dench time … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Yes Jimmy, we won. Winning is good. 3-1 is better than 1-3. And you are what your record says you are … … but even Erin Rodgers said that this is not sustainable… …beating a 3rd String QB in OT? Yeah, winning is good, but as the greatest Coach of all-time said: “You are what your point-differential says you are”. It’s early in the Season, we’ll come around, yada, yada, yada. In a mind bogglingly confusing analysis of the NFL … The EspiN has us ranked as the #4 team. Really? While we all want to win our last game of the Season, we aint that good yet. So far, based on 4 games … we’ve outscored the opposition by 6 points, in total … Is this important? Does it matter? What does Coach mean by Point Differential? Well Jimmy, it means scoring more points than the other Team … and yes … scoring more points than the other guys is important. Let’s have a stroll down memory lane. 2019 – for the Season we were 100 Pts behind the Niners and they kicked our asses in the Playoffs – no surprise. 2020 – We were basically tied with the Buc’s and Saints for the Regular Season … and managed to pee away our chances at home (see Season ending summary). 2021? Yeah, we won 13 games … but we were well out of the money. The point is … that while Coach is convinced that we will be good by the end of this season … we are a lucky 3-1 and it don’t look very good doing it … 3-0 against shitty teams and 0-1 against mediocre teams … The summary of the game is that Rodgers sucked in the 1st Half, and then made it look like he had the sun in his eyes when catching a routine fly-ball. Rodgers had an 11.2 passer rating while completing 4-11 for 44 yds. and a pick-six late in the first half. It was 2nd second-career pick-six at Lambeau and it gave the Patriots the lead at the half. What was wrong with him? Bellycheckenvy… … yes, sorry guys, Erin has Bellycheckenvy. Rodgers did everything in his power to give the game to his biological father, William Bellycheck. After some post game slathery on the field, Erin followed up by wearing his best Bellycheck Monk cloak to the post game presser. Erin admitted that he "missed the throw so badly" on the pick-six that Patriots rookie cornerback Jack Jones actually had to come back to make the play. "If I had thrown the ball where I was supposed to, he probably picks it in stride," Rodgers said. Not that length always matters, but Erin has suffered George Costanza level shrinkage recently. According to official statistics, Rodgers’ completion length is last in the league at about 3 ½ * ... a mark that continues to shrink with each passing girlfriend. One would think that with Jameis Winston’s completion length at 9 *, Rodgers would man-up and rise to the challenge. (* Of course the measurement is in yards you fool! You got lost in inuendo, didn’t you?) So how did it get this way? Who did we struggle against? Starting QB, 2nd stringer Brian Hoyer was knocked out in the 1st Qtr.; “You can't be 2-2 losing to a third-string quarterback" Rodgers muttered uncharitably from the podium. Hoyer was replaced by rookie Patriots 3rd string QB, Francis Zappa. Give Coach Hoodie some credit, he drafted this kid out of Western Kentucky in the 4th Round of the 2022 Draft. The Zappa kid was running and passing all over the place and in the end had a 107.4 passer rating compared with Rodgers paltry 89.1. Hoodie gave Zappa a fairly simple offense and he played it largely mistake free, handing off regularly to Damien Harris and Rhamondre Stevenson. They combined to gain 152 yards on 32 carries, with 105 of those coming after contact. Even with little threat of the passing game, the backs continually gashed us on the ground. New England basically ran the classic UW Offense, only unlike the Badgers against Illinois, the New England version was successful against our pathetic run defense. Our passing D was pretty good, and we had a Pro Bowl performance by Defensive-End Rashan Gary. He had two stops in run defense, but that was nothing compared to what he did as a pass-rusher. He had three sacks — one knocking Brian Hoyer out of the game and another forcing a fumble that he recovered — and two more pressures on only 21 pass-rushing snaps. Late in the 4th Qtr. our D finally took control. New England failed to get a first down on any of its final three possessions, including the key one in overtime. With the Patriots taking over on the 49-yard line and needing just a field goal to win, the Packers got a three-and-out with two run stops and a pressured incomplete pass. "That was huge," LaFleur said. Yes Coach, thanks for the insight. The mediocre run defense caused us to slip back one spot to #7 in PPG allowed. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up ‘Let’s Clear Some Cap Space,’ Says Stone-Faced Bill Belichick Watching Players Dig Own Graves FOXBOROUGH, MA—Standing in the misting rain at a site adjacent to Gillette Stadium, a stone-faced New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick was heard to utter, “Let’s clear some cap space,” on Friday as he watched players dig their own graves. “This is always a difficult decision, but we’ve got to make some cuts and look to the future,” Belichick said while over a dozen dirt-covered Patriots veterans, including wide receiver Nelson Agholor, tight end Jonnu Smith, quarterback Brian Hoyer, and guard Shaq Mason as they stood waist-deep in holes they’d been digging for hours. “This is what’s best for the team. We’ve got to get younger, and that means freeing up some roster spots. We don’t have room for all of you—c’mon, Kendrick [Bourne], keep digging!—and so your time here must come to an end. We thank you for your hard work as a member of the Patriots family, and we wish you the best of luck down there.” At press time, a satisfied Belichick had reportedly returned to the bowels of Gillette Stadium, where he began asking several high-profile Patriots chained to a radiator what it was going to take to get them to return on team-friendly contracts. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Andy Reid Slams Soldiers Fields Eating Conditions KANSAS CITY—When asked if starters should play during the preseason, Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid on Thursday pointed to his team’s preseason matchup with the Chicago Bears and specifically criticized Soldiers Fields eating conditions. “It is absolutely inexcusable to have to play in a stadium with such low standards for burgers and pizza,” said Reid during a press conference, adding that Soldiers Fields had been for years one of the worst stadiums to eat a bucket of nachos during halftime. “Frankly, it’s dangerous—I was trying to get an Italian beef sandwich, but the concession stand was so far away that I nearly pulled a muscle walking there. The eating conditions there have always been terrible, but this year it almost got to the point where I would’ve rather forfeited the game than force my guys to go out there and play the second half while I was still so hungry. They were out of a bunch of items, and the beer guy kept ignoring me. It’s a disgrace.” Reid stated that he had no choice but to file a formal complaint with the NFL over Soldiers Fields inferior pretzels and disturbing lack of barbecue options. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground The Paul Chryst Era—A reflection Here are the highlights: 1. 2017 Orange Bowl victory over the punks from Miami. “Turnover chain, my F’ing Axx” were the words read from the lips of Paul Chryst late in the game on the sidelines. Alex Hornibrook played lights out and Jonathan Taylor carved up the much-hyped Hurricaine defense. Though we ended the season 13-1, a late collapse vs. Ohio State in the Big Ten Championship game cost us a trip to the playoffs. 2. Beating #5 LSU at Lambeau (2016). Unranked Wisconsin avenged the 2014 defeat in Houston, resulting from Gary Anderson refusing to run Melvin Gordon during the second half, triggering a 17-point LSU rally. This win legitimized the Paul Chryst program and was accomplished after Melvin Gordon had moved on and with Bart Houston at QB. Not even the unexpected Packers’ release of Josh Sitton during the game could kill the buzz from this one. 3. Crushing #11 Michigan at home (2019) and Michigan on the road (2020), and prevailing 24-10 at home (2017). The Badgers built a 28-0 lead on Michigan in the 2019 game before a national TV audience, with a 312-96 yardage advantage in the first half, then led 35-0 with 5:13 left in the third quarter. Michigan came into the game ranked No. 11, with Wisconsin at No. 13 in the AP poll. 4. Bowl victories. Chryst teams went 6-1 in bowl games, with the next-most notable win coming against Western Michigan in the Cotton Bowl. Though a lesser bowl, the Joel Stave-led team beat USC in the 2015 Holiday Bowl in San Diego. Most agonizing was turning over the ball to Oregon late as we were going for a two-score lead vs. Oregon in the 2020 Rose Bowl. 5. Rallying to beat Purdue 47-44 in 2018. The Badgers were sliding after three losses in the previous five games, then found themselves on the ropes. Jonathan Taylor racked up 321 yards on 33 rushes. Danny Davis also caught two touchdowns, including a one-handed catch in sloppy conditions. 6. Beating PJ Fleck & his cult followers 38-17 at their place (2019). Jonathan Taylor, Jack Coan & Quintez Cephus brought the axe back to Madison, following a bitter defeat the year earlier. The Paul Chryst Era—This Was the End Maybe Jonathan Taylor covered up other deficiencies that were the seeds for decline. Maybe Graham Mertz is a coach killer. Maybe there was too much turnover on the defense and among the assistant coaches during the offseason. We had been through down periods before during Chryst’s tenure, only to bounce back. We lost 3 in a row before beating Purdue in 2018 and bounced back the following year to narrowly miss the playoffs. Following the no-show in Columbus, this team was in trouble going into the IL game last Saturday. Even the ESPN Gameday panel were all picking Illinois, talking about UW in “used to be“ terms. The final tally of 16 carries for 21 yards says it all. Braelon Allen running for all of 8 yards? A year ago--not 10 years ago or 20 years ago--but just a year ago, the Badgers had 61 rushes for 391-yds vs. Illinois. What happened to that offense and team? The Badgers trailed 14-10 at half. Players said Chryst invoked his inner Barack Obama, telling them it was time to draw a line in the effing sand. Illinois took second-half kickoff + drove 75 yards for a TD, Guerendo fumbled the kickoff and Illini added a FG. 67-26 record or not, it was time. On to the Jimmy Leonhard internship and hopefully the Jimmy Leonhard era. We are 10-point favorites vs. a terrible Northwestern team. Don’t F it up. Culling lesser scapegoats from the herd here on out will have diminishing returns. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game With the win last week, we now have 250 wins at Lambeau, most in any one stadium in the NFL and we are now tied the Bears at 785 wins all-time. Ironically, this weeks’ opponent is 3rd on the list. We’ve played the Giants 62 times, leading them by 6 wins and about 2 points/game. And … London is a home game … ergo advantage Pack!! Last offseason the G-Men blew away the Front Office and the Coaching staff. It turns out the new Coach, Brian Michael Daboll, is a Canadian! An alien for crying out loud! Coach knew we should have completed that wall. In a little-known part of his history, Brian Daboll was involved by his father in a plot for Canada to invade the U.S. Fortunately, Niagara Falls Sheriff Bud B. Boomer took matters into his own hands and was able to thwart the plot. Young Brian Daboll was released to the custody of his mother as he was a minor and could not be held responsible for his actions. In a bizarre scene at the court room for Brian’s trial, Brian’s mother repeatedly denied ever having met Sheriff Boomer. Given the proximity of Bud to Daboll’s family, there was constant speculation about Brian’s resemblance to “Sheriff Bud”, as Mrs. Daboll used to call him. Of course, every crisis reveals heroes among us, and Bud Boomer was no exception. You can find his heroics captured in a Michael Moore documentary (seriously, “that Michael Moore” was the film maker). OK Jimmy, on to the game. First of all, Coach will be there! B of all, what do the stats tell us? Well, we’re almost tied on Off & Def for PPG with the NY Giants. Throw in some home field advantage and we have about a 2 ½ point advantage, basically the same as our historical win margin. In the Rodgers era we are 4-3 against the G-men … so all the way around we look pretty even. The Giants started 2-0 for the first time since the 2016 season, and the schedule not been very tough so far … kinda like our schedule ... The Giants QB, Daniel Jones has been playing better this year under Daboll. He’s gone an injured ankle, but he did practice this week, so he’ll likely play on Sunday. Expect Rashan Gary to put Daniel Jones back on the bench this weekend. After Rashan Jones puts Daniel Jones out of the game, expect the Giants to lean even more heavily on Saquon Barkley. Barkley is leading the NFL in rushing-yardage, but he is well behind Aaron Jones in yards/carry. Despite Barkley getting back to form, Rodgers is still the best player in this game and the rushing duo of Jones and RB A.J. Dillon also more than make up what Barkley does for the Giants. Interestingly both the Pack and the Giants have very poor run defense. The Pack is at #22 giving up 5.0 yds/carry and the Giants are at #27 giving up 5.1 yds/carry. Everything points to this game being very close. If this game was not in London, it would be a simple choice to predict a Packers win. But with this being the first time the Packers have ever played overseas; it is difficult to know how they will manage the travel. Some teams manage it better than others. Coach predicts that this one will come down to Special Teams play and maybe a turnover. Rudy Ford has been nothing but spectacular on punt coverage this year, forcing fair catches on just about every punt. This game will be no exception. The Packers D and Special Teams will again be the difference as the Offense continues to play Preseason Ball and is trying to figure itself out! Coach is there now to see this foreign exhibition of American Football at Tottenham Stadium! Lots of Packers fans representing as I type this in the pub… Packers 24 G-Men 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them What would a Green Bay visit to London be without recalling the story of a local boy who, after starring as a back for the Green Bay Packers, visited over there and by a twist of fate saved millions of lives. Myrton Basing grew up in Appleton and went to Lawrence University before playing for the Packers. He started 28 of his 41 games taking handoffs and catching passes from Curl Lambeau, which led to a career total of 9 TD’s. He retired from football a year before the Packers won their 1st NFL championship. After leaving football, Basing moved out to Colorado to run a hike and hunt outfitting camp. Myrton’s wife Mabel convinced him in 1940 to join her in visiting her extended family in England, having recently lost several male cousins fighting the Nazi’s in mainland Europe. During a long countryside hike along a rural stretch of the river Thames, Basing scratched his face on a rose bush. The seemingly harmless wound became infected, and the infection spread. Basing was subsequently transferred to the Radcliffe Infirmary when his infection became severe. On February 12 a young medical doctor named Charles Fletcher injected Basing with a top-secret concoction previously only tested on mice by Oxford Professor Howard Florey, with the intent to someday cure soldiers of bacterial infections resulting from battlefield wounds. This nicknamed “miracle mold” was later smuggled to the USA for mass production after it was fine-tuned by Fletcher for use on humans. Today we call it “penicillin.” As for Myrt Basing, he was injected regularly over four days with the first ever human-sized dose of penicillin , and within 24 hours he was greatly improved. But even though his medical team went as far as extracting the precious penicillin from his urine and re-injecting it, supplies ran out before his cure was complete. He relapsed at the beginning of March, and died a month later. Like leaving the Packers right before they won it all, Myrton Basing needed penicillin right before it was actually made good enough to work. He was at the forefront of football greatness, and at the vanguard of saving soldiers from infectious death (or at least painful venereal disease). For that, Myrt, we salute you!
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …Rodgers has Happy Feet… … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Coach says: you can only play who’s on your schedule! Coach hears you. Yes, we are 2-1, “but”. Yes, the Bears suck, and we killed them. Yes, the Buc’s were down some players, but they have the GOAT, the heat & humidity of FLA where we seldom win in September. Be honest, with Coach here … did you really expect to win? We are only three games into the Season, but we just beat one of the Super Bowel favorites, in their home stadium. Embrace it Jimmy, roll around in it a bit … Coach tole’ya we would win … let’s have a gander back to what Coach said last week, shall we? To summarize:
Brady was too exhausted to throw another tablet this week as predicted… OK boys, you skip ahead to WWGKYA now … or continue if you wanna know ‘bout da game. Uh oh … here we go … Brady’s got our number Despite all the off-season banter about having a “Top Defense” … be honest fer a minute, this pass scared the crap out of you, didn’t it Jimmy? Norm Van der Loop immediately sent a message to Coach … “for buckets sake, the bucking orange popsicles are going to bucking score a bucking touch down on their opening drive, just like the bucking Queens and the Bears.” The first sign of good news in the game came a few plays later when Kenny Clark drove through TB Guard Luke Goedeke for a Brady sack; forcing a FG by the Bucs. Luke-go-what-ety? Ya, da kid from down da road here in Whitelaw. I’m purty sher he knows youse. He went to Valders HS. Better luck next time Luke. Luke’s’ career is off to a splendid start; he has two false starts in 3 games. * * Note: this random and interesting thought about Luke Goedeke, with no apparent relationship with anything about the game, nor any conclusion, was added for your edification. See also: Pennel, Mike and Horror Show, Rocky. The whole off-season Packer Nation has been handwringing about the WR position … “oh know, what will we ever do without Da’Vandre Adams?” For those of youse scoring at home… … add to that the number of Souper Bowls we won with Adams … yeah, bupkus, right? There is no doubt in Coach’s mind that Gutey got the best of the trade with the Raiders. Good luck Da’Vandre! Getting to the HOF with your bestie Carr pulling the trigger looks like a pipe dream. Ask Gutey and you shall receive … we drafted three WR’s this year and added another high profile WR in Free Agency and it looks like we’re gonna be OK. The offense looked great, particularly on the first drive of the game. After a cuppla runs and short passes, Rodgers hit Romeo Nelson-Dubbs on a 21-yard in route. Cobby also had a nice 17-yard reception and Jonesy had a 10-yard run on the driver, which was capped off by Nelson-Dubbs’ first NFL TD. No Davante Adams? No Problem No Sammy Watkins? No Problem No Christian Watson? No Problem Don’t know which one is which? No Problem (Coach doesn’t know either and isn’t going to bother getting to know them until we know they are not too fragile for the NFL.) Alas, all was not perfect on Offense. The Buc’s shut down our running game in the 2nd half and we shot ourselves in the foot several times. This shot downfield with 3:24 left in the 4th Qtr. would have put us up 21-6 … but Nelson-Dubbs ran too deep and knocked-down Winfield. Dammit. Janet. {BTW … Island Resort & Casino is hosting a screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, including costume contests.} Nelson-Dubbs looks like he’s gonna be good, but he’s still got a buncha Rookie in him that Coach will sweat out of him by December. The offense was dominant and used up 16:48 of the 1st-Half on three drives and were about to go up 21-3 when A Jones fumbled. To be fair to Jones, he took a helluva shot from Vita Vea that caused him to fumble … and Rodgers even blamed himself for poor ball placement. But what is it with Erin LaFleur? As soon as something goes wrong, they panic and abandon the plan. Who knows the negative plays cause bad calls by LaFleur or if it’s Rodgers who changes the plays, but they did the same thing in the Playoff loss to SF last January. We were rolling until Marcedes Lewis fumbled, and then Erin LaFleur panicked and went into a shell. But this year seems to be different … we are not 100% dependent on the Offense. Defense & Special Teams. Coach sure hopes that Keisean Nixon got hisself a game ball! That man was all over the place on Sunday. When Jaire Alexander went out early with a groin injury, Rasul Douglas slide outside and Nixon came in as the Nickel DB and he played great! Keisean demonstrates the “Peanut Punch” and forces a fumble early in the 3rd that killed a promising Bucs’ drive. You may be asking yourself, self, who the hell is Keisean Nixon (#25)? He, along with Rudy Ford (#20) and Dallin Leavit (#6), were brought in by Rich Bisaccia to beef up Special Teams, especially coverage units. Nice call Rich and well done Gutey (for bringing in his guys)! The Buc’s drive started on the 2 and they were held to ZERO Yards! The subsequent punt was returned to the Bucs 32-yard line by Amaroni Rodgers … wow … in FG range, well done Amaroni!! “However” … a BS “running into the kicker” penalty, plus an added on Illegal Block on the repeat kick, cost us a net 33-yards in field position. Crapola. With 3:04 left in Regulation Time, we punted back to Brady & the Bucs … and the collective sphincters of all Packer Nation tensed. Fast as you can say “I feel the pain of Vicki Vallencourt breaking up with me” the Bucs were in the EZ … and the score was 14-12. Crapola. And then … and then … next thing you know … another Gutey find, last year’s other scrap-heap-bargain basement find … De’Vondre Campbell … was tipping away the 2-pt conversion attempt and we win!! After three games we have the Number 6 Scoring Defense (15 ppg) and what looks to be pretty good Special Teams … we’ll take it! With the Offense at #27 we have some work to do, but with both tackles back and some pretty good young talent, Coach is very optimistic about where this team is headed! WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Brett Favre Defends Use Of State Welfare Money To Build Shelter For Homeless Volleyballs HATTIESBURG, MS—Defending his decision to divert millions in government funds to a sports center at the University of Southern Mississippi, Brett Favre told reporters Thursday that he actually used state welfare money to build a shelter for homeless volleyballs. “Sadly, the media is accusing me of stealing money from the poor, when in reality, I was using that money to construct volleyball courts to help some of the most vulnerable and disenfranchised sports equipment in our state,” said the former NFL quarterback, adding that the $5 million sports complex was specifically designed to give Mississippi volleyballs a safe environment where they could rest, find a support system, and, someday, with hard work, maybe even make it to the Olympics. “As a proud Mississippian, I promise all these welfare funds will be used appropriately to provide nets and courts to the poorest volleyballs in the nation’s poorest state. Many of these less fortunate volleyballs have led difficult lives in which they have been bumped and spiked into submission. Today, with the help of these funds, maybe the volleyballs can heal.” At press time, Favre blasted the release of text messages between himself and former Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant, claiming that a volleyball at the welfare office had assured him everything was above board. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Fans Reflexively Hold Breath Every Time Jarred Field Moves CHICAGO—Clutching the arms of their chairs and forcing themselves not to look away, the entire fanbase of the Chicago Bears was reportedly reflexively holding their breath during their game against the Houston Texans last Sunday every time 2nd year quarter back Jarred Field moved. “I can’t watch,” several Bears fans were heard to involuntarily utter whenever the 10th overall draft pick from a season ago changed directions, twisted his legs, or moved his body in any way. “Oh, god, please don’t try to escape those guys, just fall down. It’s not worth it! Did he land weird on that one? Is he okay? Oh Christ, our linemen need to stay the fuck away from him!” The Texans pass rushers, like the Packers and 49ers in preceding weeks, were not halted in the least bit by the Bears offensive line and put relentless pressure on Field, inching him ever closer to a season-ending injury. In the 3 games played, Field – the face of the Bears franchise, ranks 23rd amongst NFL quarterbacks and has only 2 TD passes versus 4 interceptions, yielding and a meager passer rating of 50.0. At press time, the entire Bears fanbase was reportedly doing research on Carson Wentz, Teddy Bridgewater, Cam Newton and Robert Griffin III, paying special attention to their success in the league following early career injuries. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Engram and Chryst Unveil Offensive Playbook Against tOSU Secretly housed for months deep within a hidden library in Science Hall under lock and key, Paul and Bobby ceremoniously removed the 2000 page leather bound and embroidered document that had been painstakingly compiled and vetted for the last 8 months. It took the two of them to heave the tome into a pickup and get it to the Camp Randall meeting room, landing on the work table with a thud. We witnessed the fruits of this epic planning mission Saturday night. TV pundits are saying that this groundbreaking and innovative playbook was instrumental in all 21 of Wisconsin’s garbage time points, which started with 13 minutes remaining in the first half, Badgers down 0-28. Here are some highlights. A Braelon Allen wildcat run led to UW’s first TD. He also completed a 10 yard pass that left the Buckeyes scratching their helmets. The zany new receiver routes were instrumental in a whopping 104 receiving yards. The new OL blocking stunts had the 3rd string Buckeye D tied in knots. Here at BU, we think that maybe the coaches’ time would have been better spent getting the team fired up and ready for the game. We can’t wait to see what excitement is in store next week against the Fighting Ill. In case you are wondering (which we were), this was not the worst loss ever by the Badgers. Even worse than the 2014 shallacking to tOSU 0-59, the worst was 0-63 against Minnesota a week after killing UW Whitewater 106-0, in 1890. Saturday’s 21-52 drubbing was really over at 0-28 and was our worst case scenario. The team just plain did not show up and did not look ready to play (for the second time this year). 52 points was the most allowed by a Leonard-coached D. Needless to say, Benton and Herbig had their draft bubbles burst on the “draft changing” night as they over-confidently dubbed it in a pre-game presser. Ten NFL reps were in the booth during the game and many more were watching on national TV. We will see how these players respond in coming weeks. Chryst's awe-shucks demeanor and humility are admirable, but Bucky needs a little fire and cockiness, somewhere between PJ Douche (always the center of attention) and the current milquetoast approach. Bucky being pretty good is getting stale. Also, one of his family members should tell him to close his mouth when not talking as his mouth-breather look is unbecoming for the head coach. Bring back the Paul "Turnover chain my fcking ass" Chryst! Bret Wins Coveted Badger Underground Prize MADISON, WI – Yes, it is true. Univerisity of Illinois Head Footbal coach, Bret Bielema has won the BU annual Mr. Creosote look-a-like contest. He is no doubt an inspiration to recovering anorexics everywhere. Dane County area Old Country Buffets have decided to go on full lockdown until Sunday night. We still like our chances to win the Big Ten West. It comes down to the Minnesota game and we won't let them win the Ax in our house (again). The guys with broken legs will be back by then, the starting tackles will be back by then and our top cover corner will be back by then. Remember that most players out there right now are part of two very good recruiting classes in a row—at least on paper. It wouldn’t surprise us if the team goes on a big winning streak starting Saturday and waltz back into the OSU woodchipper in the Big Ten championship. And, what about those FIB’s? These guys lost to Indiana. The Illinois offense is better than it was last season and UW’s defense isn’t as good as it was last season. The Syracuse QB transfer is a big upgrade, but he’s no Tony Eason. Though the running back is good, Wisconsin’s scheme full of plodders should stop him. Other than a little frickin play action, cut out the stupid stuff that cost us the Wazzu game. Time to get dialed in. This is a statement game, not a hangover game. The players don’t care that Bielema coached the Badgers when they were nine years old. Getting revenge against Bret Bielema will fall on the backs of the cantankerous old people who can remember the ancient tale of betrayal from 2012. We’ll venture 28-17 Bucky. Looking around the Big Ten, here is a word from this week’s BU sponsor, Thongwatcher USA, subsidiary of Voyeurs Anonomous, (Join Here): We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Now with the Bucs behind us, it’s “on to Cincinnati” in the famous words of Hoodie. The Patriots have started the Season 1-2, but the two losses have come against teams that are a collective 5-1. Traditionally, Hoodie uses the first part of the Season to figure out his team and then comes on strong later. But we all reach our “Sell By” date at some point, and evidence is begging to mount that the Hoodie should be thinking about greener pastures. The New England Patriots lost longtime offensive coordinator Josh McDaniel this offseason, as he left to go mismanage the Las Vegas Raiders. And, Hoodie hasn't officially named a defensive coordinator since Matt Patricia left to coach the Detroit Lions in 2018 (Patricia is back now as Obenführer der D-Line). "I'm not big on titles," Belichick said at the NFL league meetings. Bill Belichick at this week’s press conference denying that he is old and tired to be GM, Head Coach, O-Coordinator, D-Coordinator and Supervisor of Game Ball Pressure. Interesting approach Bill, but so far not a demonstrated strategy for winning. Since Tampa Tom left the Pats, they have had an unsuccessful experiment with Fig Newton at QB and then drafted Alabama QB Mac Jones at 15th overall in 2021. Coach isn’t sure why, but some have questioned Jones’ commitment to athletic training and if he “really loves football”. Mac has pretty decent career stats thus far … … and the Pats made the Playoffs with him at the helm last year. However, fussball is a pretty tough sport and Jones had an owwie last week. Apparently, the hang nail he suffered will prevent him from playing at Lambeau this week. His replacement? Funny you should ask Jimmy; Coach was wondering the same thing. Brian Hoyer. Axel Edward Brian Hoyer joined the Pats in 2009 as an undrafted free agent. He went on to start games for eight different teams, the second-most in league history (Ryan Fitzpatrick has started for 9). This is his third stint with the Pats. After making the team in 2009, he was cut in 2012, re-signed in 2017, cut in 2019 and re-signed in 2020. Overall, he has thrown for 10,000 yards, 53 TD, 35 INT’s and a Passer Rating of 82.9 Jim McMahon is probably on to something. Chicago is where QB’s go to die. Hoyer made one appearance at Lambeau in 2016 with the Bears when he proved the Bears really, really, really, really, really, really suck, the Bears still suck. Statistically (yes Jimmy, only 3 games) we match up pretty well. The Pats and us are both anemic on Offense, and they just got worse with Jones’ injury. Defensively we are doing much better and are giving up 9 fewer points per game. Add-in home field advantage and we have an almost 10-point advantage. The initial line was “only” 8.5 for the Packers, but Coach predicts the line will go beyond the current 10.5. Historically the Packers and Pats have had very few match-up and we are tied overall (including our win in SB XXXI) So, to summarize … a 1-2 team with a substandard QB and a tired Coach is coming to town on Sunday. What’s not to like? Romeo Nelson-Dubbs had a fantastic game in Tampa Bay last week, look for him to break the Packers Rookie Record of 9 catches in a game this (Max McGee, 9 in 1954), maybe even this week. The Defense will continue to dominate and probably get 2 interceptions of Hoyer in addition to a guaranteed forced fumble. Last but not least, Special Teams will continue to improve. Dec 19th, 2010, … On Sunday Night Football at Foxboro, Guard Dan Connolly exposes Packers Head Coach Melissa McCarthy’s plan to sabotage Packers Special Teams. No such luck Melissa. Your evil plan worked for over a decade, but now Rich Bisaccia and his boys to the rescue … Rudy* Ford (#40) has been an absolute killer on coverage teams ... *Rudy was in fact nick named for the movie … Coach sees our first double digit win of 2022 … a nice blow out at Lambeau. Packers 31 Pats 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them So Bakhtiari is back(ish), but Yosh Nijman has actually filled in quite nicely in David’s stead, so what do you do when you have 2 serviceable Left Tackles and 0 rock-solid Right Tackles? Yosh is just gaining confidence at LT, and he has struggled at RT in years past. Bakhtiari is a savvy veteran … why not try him over on the right side? Elgton Jenkins, an interior lineman, is doing what he can over in the Right Tackle spot, but – let’s face it, he’s no Greg Koch. Drafted in the 2nd round out of Arkansas in 1977, Koch backed up veteran right tackle Dick Himes that season and started only three games, two when Himes was hurt and one when left tackle Mark Koncar was injured. A year later, Koch beat out Himes in training camp and held the right tackle position through 1985. In nine years with the Packers, where he missed only two games and started all but four after his rookie year, Koch was never chosen for the Pro Bowl or named to an all-pro team. The closest he came was in 1982 when he was chosen second team by the Newspaper Enterprise Association. But Koch had the abiding respect of most of the players and coaches who counted on him the most. Teammate Larry McCarren said of Koch, “The man was born to drive block. Strong, athletic … he'd rip off the ball, ram his head right into the defender's numbers and knock him off the line of scrimmage. He could single-handedly punch a hole in a defense, and he did it consistently. You see a lot of grabbing on and wrestling in today's game, but with Greg, it was all about hitting folks. When it came to pass protection, he had to temper that aggression but even when making the transition from bruiser to technician he'd still find a way to get the last shove in. Greg made second-team all-pro after one season. He should have been a regular honoree, not to mention a perennial Pro Bowler." Never shy about speaking his mind, Koch didn't endear himself to every teammate and coach. He also walked out of camp for 16 days before the 1985 season over differences with new offensive line coach Jerry Wampfler. While Koch started 16 games that season and played well, he was cut on Aug. 4, 1986. A week later, he signed with Miami and started 16 games there. After a lengthy holdout in 1987, Koch signed and started one game for the Dolphins before being traded to Minnesota, where he ended his career starting at right guard in the NFC championship. After football Greg teamed up with his brothers Charles and David to form what has become the 2nd largest privately owned company in the United States (with 2019 revenues of $115 billion). Their father, Frederick, developed the preferred cracking method for the refinement of heavy crude oil into gasoline, and the boys brought that technology forward with successful distribution channels in the years leading up to the current decade, thereby facilitating energy independence for America.
So this week we salute you, Greg Koch, for knocking the snot out of Packers foes in the 1980’s and for dropping the price of gasoline to $2 per gallon in 2020. Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …the internet isn’t good enough. So Coach gets back from the Sunday night shenanigans on Holmgren Way after bar time and thinks to himself, “I shood watchda replay uv da TV broadcast ta see if dey menchin’d alda tings dat I seen on da feeld dat da refs didint.” (Yes, my mind bubble still has a Trivers accent). I’m not saying we didn’t miss a tackle or two (yeah, I’m calling you out Darnell and De’Vondre), but I did see a whole lot of wholding by the Bears that didn’t get called hwen the bad guys ran the ball. Cool Hwip. So why not check out YooceTube to see how Melissa looked – I mean hear what Colinsworth said – during the game? For free, all I could find was lame-ass Larrivee radio calls on NFL.com, voiced over a few scoring plays. WTF? This is the INTERNET! The place a guy (or gal) is supposed to be able to see and hear anything they want for free. Ain’t no way I’m paying for post-game replays … not as long as there is an internet. The following day, an exhaustive search resulted in merely the audio from SNF on NBC, with a distorted picture that was for the most part zoomed in to a spot on the field where the action of interest was not visible. Somebody has to trot the entire game replay out for all to see. Like they do for games played years ago … it’s all out there on YouTube, why wait? The NFL can still do their full-game and 60-minute compressed replays during the week, but I shouldn’t have to wait for watching the game on tv just because I went to see it in person. If I can’t scrub the internet to find decent bootlegged copies of Mike Tirico kissing Collinsworth’s ass a he complements Chris’ midweek interviewing skills, whilst the sideline camera man “accidently” does a closeup of Melissa Stark’s cameltoe en route to Quay Walker tying his shoe, then China has clearly taken over internet content in America and somebody needs to do something about that shit … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Last year Matt LeFleur became the first Packers Coach to win his first 6 games in a row against the Bears … and now he is the first Packers Coach to win his first 7 in a row … and we are now tied with the Staleys at 783 wins all time (remember they have played 29 more games than the Pack). More importantly now we have 104 wins all-time against the Staleys and have continued our steady progression in wins! During the Rodgers era we are 25-5 and have averaged a 10-point win. … How, you say? Why, you say? McMahon said: “I think {Chicago is} where quarterbacks go to die.” Or maybe they just don’t know how to select QB’s? The latest “Savior of the Franchise”, Julius Field, demonstrates deiner Fußball Wissen (not that hard to guess the translation Jimmy). You probably have some idea how bad Justin Fields was in Sunday night’s game between the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers. His first of 7 completions during the game was a flea flicker to Equanimeous St. Brown that gained 30 yards. His next 6 completions gained a total of 40 yards and he was sacked 3 times for 22 yards. He threw an interception, and he threw the ball while 4 yards beyond the line of scrimmage at one point. He fumbled. He was super bad when called on to pass. And yet you still don’t know just how bad he was. This is pretty much the summary of the game … we beat somebody we were supposed to beat and are now 25-5 against the Arlington Heights Staleys. We kicked their ass on every level … but this is a Team we were supposed to beat handily. So, what did the game tell us? Who the hell really knows, but it beats the crap out of losing to a crummy team. Notes: (1) It drives coach to distraction that anything “Official” in the NFL does not include Playoff Games. In the “Official Stats”, Erin is 24-5 against the Bears. (2) Why is that you ask? It’s because the MF’ers don’t include the 2010 NFC Championship at Soldier Field. While Coach & Coach might have had seats so far up in the Spaceship that you could see downtown Kenosha if you turned slightly left, it was still a great time and it damn sure looked like a real game. Coach & Coach will never forget the Chicago Park District Official Concession Stand … which was a homeless guy selling Amstel Light out of a soggy 24-can case in the Men’s Room (while Coach may stretch the point from time-to-time, this is absolutely a true story, thank goodness the guy was there or Coaches’ BAC might have fallen below 0.20). Sorry, Coach digresses, the real point is that FB Quinn Johnson’s dad was the doorman at the hotel and “Will’s Northwoods Inn” in Lincoln Park had three different versions of the “Bears still suck” on the juke box, which completely confused the dejected Bears fans who wandered in off the street … with no foreknowledge that Will’s is a great Packer’s bar in the heart of the Lincoln Park neighborhood. (3) At this point No. 1 was so long that nobody really cares about No. 2, except when it comes to squeezing out a McCaskey Family business plan. Does anyone think that the Staleys are really moving to Arlington Heights? They have fancy architectural renderings of a new stadium complex and options on real estate out at ye olde horsey racetrack. But … they don’t own the property nor do the McCaskey’s have the cash to complete the real estate transaction, let alone pay for a Modern NFL Stadium. Here’s betting it’s a ploy to get the City to build a new stadium, with an accompanying pickle ball court, so that the Staleys will stay in Chicago. Coach truly wishes he could bless you with a heartfelt apology for the interstitial notes above … but Coach doesn’t care enough for that … …OK, back to the game. We blew them out as expected and as the drive chart above demonstrates, just a handful of plays determined the outcome. It could have been a much bigger blowout … or it could have been closer. Two Packers offensive miscues prevented a true blowout: Rodgers botched a handoff, shown further below, and center Josh Myers early shotgun snap that hit motion man Christian Watson on the way by. The turnover and lost yardage ruined two drives and gave the Bears a chance. Yeah, it’s always great to beat the Staleys … but it’s more important to focus on the mistakes … the things that have kept us from winning NFL Championships #14 thru #16 during the Rodgers era. The challenge areas? Run Defense – hate to keep picking on the guy, but Jarrod Reed is just a liability in the run game. Keep your eyes on #90 above and below. Jarrod Reed is the free agent DT we signed during the off-season to provide “veteran depth and leadership” in the D-Line. He’s lined up just inside (above) Preston Smith in the clip above and he is pushed out of the hole like a little girl. So far he’s done OK in pass rush, but mainly has provided big holes and poor tackling in the run D. Not buying in yet? Look at 90 again below... Let’s look at Jarrod again … the still shot above is from the clip below. Jarrod lines up as the right DT and properly moves down the line to his left toward the hole. And just when he’s in position to make the tackle he reaches and tries to arm tackle Bears RB David Montgomery. 9 yards later Quay Walker does his best Blake Martinez imitation and has Montgomery on the ground. If there was one alarming thing from Sunday night, it was our hideous run defense. David Montgomery rushed for 122 yards and Khalil Herbert added 38 more as Chicago ran for 180 yards on a 6.7-yard clip. Last season, the Packers ranked 30th with 4.70 yards allowed per carry. In response, Gutey signed veteran defensive tackle Jarrod Reed and drafted linebacker Quay Walker in the first round. The Walker selection should have been a game-changer. The Packers have played almost every defensive snap with De’Vondre Campbell and Walker at inside linebacker rather than Campbell and a sixth defensive back. Bigger personnel – and better personnel – should mean better run defense. That hasn’t been the case, though. Green Bay is an awful 29th with 5.56 yards allowed per carry. They’ve allowed 10 carries of 10-plus yards; only Carolina (11) has allowed more. According to SportRadar, the Packers’ missed-tackle percentage of 12.8 percent is the third-worst in the NFL. Our 16 missed tackles are the fourth-most in the League. Last season, by contrast, the Packers missed only 87 tackles (second-fewest) and had a missed-tackle rate of 8.7 percent (eighth-best). The Buccaneers fielded the most pass-happy offense in the league last season but are one of the most run-centric attacks this season. Expect a heavy dose of Leonard Fournette. Do we have the ability or desire to stop him? And how were Special Teams you ask? Much, much improved. Amari Rodgers? No so much. When asked about Amaroni’s role on the team, Erin Rodgers characterized him as “returning for us right now”. Well, if “returning” is his role, then the attempted return above looks like his resignation letter. Amaroni is indeed doing better than last year, but if he continues to put the ball on the carpet he will be gone. Not to be left out of the bumbling, stumbling review for the Pack … Erin turns the wrong way out of the snap and causes a fumbled hand-off with AJ Dillion. LaFleur of course blamed himself for the fumble because it’s in his contract to never even hint in public that Rodgers might make a mistake. In a little bit of fun “blast from the past trivia”, former Packer Mike Pennel recovered the fumble. Pennel has bounced around the NFL, hell, he’s even bounced around with the Bears. He was cut and resigned during the week before the game. We salute you Mike for your persistence in the face of limited talent. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Aaron Rodgers Downplays Rocky Start To Season As Normal Ups And Downs Of Massive Global Conspiracy GREEN BAY, WI—Downplaying his team’s underwhelming win over the hapless Bears on national TV following their 23-7 Week 1 loss to the Minnesota Vikings the previous Sunday, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers told reporters Tuesday that the rough start to the season was just part of the normal ups and downs of a massive global conspiracy. “Look, I threw a couple balls in the dirt at home this week and things didn’t break our way last Sunday, but that’s the reality when you’re living in the inescapable grasp of a shadowy cabal of entrenched elites who decide everything before it happens and control our movements,” said Rodgers, who attributed his own lackluster performance to the regular difficulties of getting adjusted to a new season in a world where a surveillance system run by malevolent rogue actors is constantly working to interfere with your psychological grip on reality and leave you unable to process anything but fear. “We weren’t really able to establish a consistent passing game against the Bears or the Vikings defenses, or the global military-industrial complex, so credit to all of those entities for bringing the pressure. We just have to focus on what we can control, which is basically nothing in light of the massive hegemonic system that is ultimately judge, jury, and executioner to us all, and get those wrinkles ironed out before week three. Do I expect us to execute the passing game to be better this Sunday? Yes. Do I think our defense has been infiltrated by lizard people who are in thrall to the deep state and potential double agents of the Detroit Lions? Also yes. But ultimately you’ve just got to take it one game at a time.” Rodgers added that he hoped for a more positive result in this weekend’s game against the Bucs, but understood that a lot of dominoes had to fall for the global conspiracy to exercise its agenda in favor of the Packers, and the receiving corps also needed time to develop into a cohesive unit. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof QB Rethinks Life Choices After Starting Season 2 With Bears CHICAGO—In the wake of taking consecutive severe beatings at the hands of San Francisco 49ers and Green Bay Packers defensive rushers in the first 2 weeks of the 2022 NFL season, Bears QB Jarred Field admitted to reporters Wednesday that he was seriously rethinking his life choices. “There’s no clearer sign that you’ve completely hit rock bottom than realizing you’re on the turf looking up at Lucas Patrick wearing a Bears jersey and extending his hand to help you up,” said a visibly distraught Field, adding that he hoped being on the Chicago Bears roster provided the wake-up call he needed to finally turn his life around. “I went through some pretty real times when things got seriously bad, and I just ignored it and kept going. But then one day, it hit me: I’m in the Chicago Bears’ locker room, and I have no one to blame but myself. In some ways, I’m grateful to end up here—it’s like the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe you just have to find yourself in my position, realizing that everything you’ve done in life has led you to quarterbacking the Bears, to understand how bad things have truly gotten. I only hope there’s still time to get back on track, and maybe, if I work hard enough, I can end up in the AFC West someday.” At press time, Field had reportedly gone on an angry drug-fueled binge after someone offered him a look at the rest of the Bears’ roster. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky Does 318 Pushups The rescheduled annual “Spring Game” that fans have been cheated out of for the last seven seasons provided several feelgood moments on Saturday. The fact that the Badgers had their way with an outmanned Mountain Worst team that has had 1 winning season in the past 20 does not tell us much about how they will do next week in Columbus against the Buckeyes. The fluffing of stat lines is now complete. Thank you, Paul Chryst, for devoting so many snaps to the passing game. No regrets seeing Mertz taking snaps with Bucky up 52-0. The backup QB looked good, so good that Chase Wolf has entered the transfer portal and will be starting next week for Notre Dame. It appears Vito Calvaruso's injury resulted from his own teammates breaking his kneecaps postgame last week. The all-red unis donned by Bucky on Saturday looked cool. One of the reasons to avoid red pants on the road (other than special occasions) was to not look like Nebraska. Since Nebraska hasn't looked like "Nebraska" in over 2 decades, we’re fine with looking more like Nebraska as long as they don't play like Nebraska. How about this road look? Here at BU, we did a “representative” survey around Wisconsin to see which possible outcomes are most likely next Saturday and then analyze what we feel is the most likely: Mama said there would be days like this, 2014 Indy Ending, 0-59 Loss: No, Wisconsin is not heavily favored this time as they were in 2014, but we could lose big like the sorry NM State Aggies or Toledo Rockets did last week. The survey says 17% of respondents think this will happen. BU speculates that this cohort is made up of Badger fans with some weird pessimistic disorder and tOSU transplants. Loser talk, “Respectable Loss Ending” - 24-42 Loss: Bucky plays well enough in the first half and is even winning at half time. There are glimpses of brilliance on both sides of the ball. Vito is back and makes a long field goal. But, tOSU regroups at halftime and steamrolls to a victory. The survey says 43% of respondents make this prediction, including most non-homers and many regular Badger fans. Scooby Doo Ending, 33-34 Loss: “We woulda won If it weren’t for those darn refs!!” The Badgers play outta their mind with few mistakes and have some lucky breaks, but some optically challenged or paid off ref makes a call on par with the Jerry Rice fumble non-call and Bucky goes down in flames. 35% of Homer-twinged fans chose this outcome. Simple Math Ending, 38-35 Win: Bucky won last week 66-7 and Brutus won 77-21; therefore, Wisconsin will win by 3 by playing great, being Appalachian State lucky, and tOSU laying an egg. Vito kicks an air-bending 55-yard winning field goal off the upright as time expires. 3% in our survey think this will happen (made up primarily of respondents from Fitchburg nursing homes). Wazoo Anomaly Ending, 28-10 Win: Bucky shows that they are the real deal and that everyone except fringe W Anon Homers were mistaken in their assessment of UW’s prospects. Reminiscent of the 1981 drubbing of #1 Michigan, Bucky dominates and beats a very good Buckeye team. 2% think this will happen. There are always a few. Results: 97% of respondents say Bucky loses and 13% say we’ll win. Yes, this adds up to 110%. We suspect some tabulation irregularities in our market research department. No, we are not going to investigate. BU chooses scenario B. Though we had a run of going 4-2 vs. tOSU 1999-2004, including the final win with John Stocco at QB, this matchup will be one where you really see the difference between 5-star and 3-star talent. In the last decade, OSU has simply lapped the rest of the conference, Wisconsin included. They have become the Alabama of the B1G, but it doesn't seem like the B1G even has a Georgia or LSU to challenge them consistently. Meanwhile, Wisconsin has become something more like Florida or A&M in the SEC--usually solid but not a true threat. Urban Meyer took their recruiting to another level. He moved on from recruiting Ohio kids like Tressel used to and swung to national recruiting. It's paid off and the recruiting gap has widened since he left. Ohio State replaced us several years ago in fielding the conference’s best offensive line. Our offensive line is a work-in-progress and the jury is out on our defense with eight new starters minus our top cover corner. Besides, Ohio State will be sporting black uniforms. We are screwed, Melvin Gordon color scheme or not. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Tom Brady does not like change… The 104-year-old quarterback voiced his thoughts on the NFL's number-rule changes during the Offseason. "The number rule is crazy," Brady said. "Literally, guys changed their numbers today. I'm playing two guys who had different numbers in the preseason. So, yeah, you've got to watch film and know who you're studying but so do running backs. They've got to know who to block. So does the offensive line. So do the receivers who are adjusting their routes based on blitzes. "So, one guys has got a 6, one guy has 11, one guy has got a 9. And they change every play when you break your routes and get to your spot. It's going to be a very challenging thing. It's a good advantage for the defense, which that's what it is." Thanks for clarifying Tom … Just looking at the stats so far (yes, with only two games the stats are not representative), but looking at the stats so far enawayze, we should be 14 to 15-point underdogs. However, the betting line only favors the Buc’s be 1.5 to 2-points. What gives Coach? Why is the line so low? The Bucs & Brady have kicked our ass the last two times we played. Jimmy, there are four reasons we will beat the Bucs on Sunday. One - Brady has a banged-up and young O-Line and has lost his top three receivers, including Mike Evans (Chris Godwin & Julio Jones are injured). Fortunately, Jon Runyan Jr. called his dad, the NFL Punishment Commissioner, and ordered to him suspend Evans for a game. Well done guys! More importantly, since Brady passed the century mark in age a few years ago, he has become more-and-more of a “stay off my lawn old-guy”. After an altercation with his neighbor over autumn leaf piles, he was sentenced to community service working with grade school age children. Brady is shown below teaching sportsmanship at Haywood U. Backoff Elementary School in Tampa. Two - A little bit of D in the first half is going to go a long way in getting Brady to throw a few more tablets. OLB Preston Smith was great in both Run and Pass against the Bears. He rushed only 14 times but still managed six pressures and two sacks, including one forcing a fumble. Smith was also at least partially responsible for helping stop Fields short of the goal line on the decisive 4th-and-goal play. In this clip Preston beats off the block, holds the edge and slides down the line to make the tackle with Quay Walker helping on clean-up. Look for a lot of this against the Bucs. Criminey sakes, how the hell was Rasul Douglas sitting on a Practice Squad last year? On 2nd & 15 Douglas immediately sniffs out the play and goes in for the kill without hesitation, proving all his film room work is paying off. No throwing-of-shoulders at ball carriers here - Rasul uses his arms to wrap up. {If everyone on D starts to do that, we will be a Top-5 D.} Three – Road Grader Dillion Aaron Jones went off for a gazillion yards against the Bears. He had 170 total yards on just 18 touches, forced 13 missed tackles and scored the team’s first two touchdowns. A third of his touches (six) gained 10 or more yards. Half (nine) gained eight or more. All of that was fantastic, but nothing was more exciting to Coach than watching Dillion blast Bears All-Pro LB Roquan Smith out of the hole on the Goal Line. The Creamsicles from Tampa will load-up against Jones … so expect Dillion to have an even better game this weekend and he’ll be a big part of wearing down the Bucs Defense in the heat. Four – Special Teams. Hard to believe Coach is saying this … but aside from Amaroni Rodgers muffed punt, the Special Teams played well! How about that for a nice change?!?! The two FG and three Extra Points were back to routine, automatic and boring. Fantastic!! Then mix in the Kick and Punt Coverage Teams were great all night. Dallin Leavitt (#6 above) is listed as a Safety on the roster … but he was really acquired to boost Special Teams. He and Rudy Ford (#40, also acquired for Special Teams) were great covering kicks all night last Sunday! Expect more of this on Sunday … and pinch myself … maybe even a forced turnover on ST! Coach sees a solid road win! Packers 24 Bucs 20 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Coach knows what you’re thinking, “What ever happened to Skidmark Gilberri?” Well, folks, I’m here to tell ya – it ain’t a particularly happy ending… Number 2-2 Dan Gilberri was an undrafted free agent out of Palmer College in Davenport, Iowa signed by the Packers during training camp 2005 to, more or less, take the practice load off of starting and backup RB’s Ahman Green, Samkon Gado and Tony Fischer. Gilberri never saw playing time in his lone year with the Pack, not even in a preseason game, as he was disciplined early in training camp by head coach Lindy Infante for doing early morning doughnut burnouts in the Lambeau Field parking lot before team practice; hence, the nickname “Skidmark.” Unfortunately, success continues to elude Gilberri – now outside of football. When questioned by police recently regarding a domestic dispute, Dan Gilberri failed to prove he was not the registered sex offender attached to the identity he stole, and now he awaits an Oct. 10 court appearance on charges of criminal impersonation, with accompanying charges of identity theft and forgery. Gilberri moved to Connecticut about a year ago and took up residence in the Sunset Motel in Clinton. Police said Gilberri purloined the identity of Kris Kowalski in order to obtain a Connecticut driver's license and credit cards. Gilberri was living in Florida at the time and Kowalski was his neighbor. Police think Gilberri figured his four drunk driving arrests would make it difficult to get a license legally in Connecticut, and subsequently carried on a life under the assumed identity of Kris Kowalski. The scheme worked well, although Clinton cops who came to know him before his arrest said they always wondered why the guy they knew as Kris Kowalski was called "Dan" by his friends. But last month, "Kowalski" was arrested for disorderly conduct, after an alleged fight with his girlfriend, Pink Uvenus. Running a routine computer check of his background, police say they were startled to find that "Kowalski" was a convicted sex offender in Michigan and not registered as required with the state of Connecticut. While every scrap of identification in his possession labeled their suspect as "Kowalski," the former standout running back at Waterloo East High School was adamant that he was not a convicted sex offender. Finally, a check of his fingerprints with the FBI revealed the "Kowalski" they knew was actually a Dan Gilberri. So this week we salute you, Dan “Skidmark” Gilberri, and good luck in court.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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