Holy shit we actually won! What changed? Mike McCarthy finally did what we’ve been telling him to, and stopped doing what we pointed out was wrong. For example, did you see any 1-yard wide out passes to Richard Rodgers (what I call the “Let’s waste a down” play)? No. (Not to mention the typical repeat of that useless play a couple more times in each game.) Did you see plenty of short, underneath passes to wide open receivers and running backs that kept the chains moving? Yep. Do you realize that we only had 8 possessions in the entire game, and 2 of those were kneel-downs? Yet we scored 27-points … that, young lads, is clock-chewing efficient football. Hey, when your defense blows goats, keep your offense on the field as much as possible. We did have 1 punt … a money Schum-shot that was downed on the 1-yard line! (Just like the college punters do all the time.) Special Teams coverage? They stayed in their lanes! Well done (and congrats to Ron Zook for subsequently being named new Head Coach at Oregon after the game). Eminem has clearly decided to heed the deluge of helpful weekly football instruction from Coach Clarahanson (more insight below). Whoever he was taking his football guidance from before was pretty much full of hoo-hah, and their input was not valid. A word of caution from Coach to Mike as we make our playoff push: if you ever consider taking advice from anyone other than Coach Clarahanson, be sure to confirm your sources (Click on Link) Create a seam here - X' & O's about the game or a scheme So, what did go right this week? Let ole’ Coach break it down for you: First – 5 of our 8 drives ended in points. We had 0, zip, zilch, zero, nada “3-&-outs” !! Second – we were on offense for almost 11 minutes more than them. As Hillary would say, “That was huuge!” Third – AR threw the ball right away and with confidence. He hit receivers immediately and without hesitation. While we are all concerned about his hammy going twang, he set a precedence of good throwing in 2014 when he hurt his leg toward the end of the season; maybe, just maybe his hammy hops will make him a better passer down the stretch. Coach thinks it forces him to stay in the pocket longer – rather than prematurely ejectulating toward the sideline, which reduces his field of play by, well, a Third. Fourth - The defense gave up 5.8 yards per play, about the same as their season-to-date average and has them tied for 26th worst in the league, but they got a turnover!! For reference, the 2010 team was 11th in the league at 5.1 yards allowed per play, but they were number 2 overall in turnover differential at +0.8/game. Fifth – we scored more points than they did. Coach is sure that having more points than the other team is highly correlated with winning, but holding the ball longer and taking the ball away more than you give it away is a good starting point to achieve that. Lastly – AR finally put Olivia behind him. As you can see below, AR seemed very eager to enter his side-line tent. But what did he do in there? As it turns out, it was part of A-Rod’s execution plan to improve his game performance. You see, after extensive film study AR finally came to the realization that he needed to “destress” during the game. To break the spell, he recruited Eagles cheerleader, Lilly Dongslapper, to tend to his “sore hammy” in the tent. And you know what, if massaging AR’s muscle is all it takes to win comfortably, then hand out the lotion! When asked if this sideline endeavor at the expense of Ms. Munn was influenced at all by The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! article last week revealing Frank Gifford’s infidelity while married to then-hot Kathy Lee Gifford, Rodgers remarked “Of course, I guess to some degree maybe that put me over the top, but really it just got to the point where my Wang was too much for her Chung and something had to be done about it.” Keep that eye wandering, Aaron! (Click on Link) As a conveniently timed segue sliding into WTF… The Eagles bench was so incensed that Lilly helped Aaron with his tent pole that Head coach Doug Pederson ordered the score board operator to exact revenge by putting up the Down & Distance from that horrible playoff game in Jan of 2004. Those bastards. That kind of stuff only gets under Coach’s skin if we are losing. Well, OK, it just gets under my skin period, but you get the idea. WTF - The Coach's take on a bad ref call or a bad play call or the like College football rankings are worthless. Two teams in the Big Ten (the toughest division in college football this year) that WON’T be playing for the conference championship on Saturday (tOSU and Michigan) are ranked HIGHER than the 2 teams that will be playing for it (WI and PSU). WTF?! Just because TV pundits say their talent level “should” be performing better on the field, does not mean they should get the benefit of the doubt to be in the playoffs. Why even bother playing games then? According to these dolts, the college playoff teams should be decided by electing the 4 teams who they feel had the best recruiting classes(?). That would be worse than giving the presidency to someone who got less votes! Wait… It blows my mind that there is even a debate regarding the 3rd place conference team getting a spot in the playoffs. “Ohio State should be in the playoffs! They pass the ‘eye test!’ They are best equipped to beat Alabama.” …and so on. What a bunch of crap. Maybe Jill Stein can fund a re-scoring of the games so that tOSU won the games that they needed to, LIKE WISCONSIN AND PENN STATE DID. If Penn State wins the Championship, they should be in the playoffs. THEY WON THE EAST! Therefore, if WI beats PSU, then they also should be in the playoffs, for beating the champion of the supposed toughest division in college football. If you want to be in the playoffs, win your conference. If you can’t do that, shut up. I don't think Ohio State can beat either Wisconsin or Penn State at this point. Not only that, they haven't even earned the right to try to. Boom. Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof Titans 27, Bears 21. Bears lose again. Bears have 2 wins and 9 losses. Sure, that’s enough proof that they suck. But there is so much more evidence out there that is unique to the Bears – if you just look for it. Coach went to his NFL.com app and pulled up highlights from the Bears v Titans game last Sunday. Seriously, these are screenshots of the video HIGHLIGHTS footage that the NFL provided for the Bears (pay particular attention to the captions at the bottom of each): That’s pretty bad. By sitting Cutler (er, I mean, “due to Cutler’s injury”), da Bears managed to remain almost-but-not-really competitive at home against Tennessee. Cutler and Barkley better hope Chicago keeps them hanging around with long-term lucrative deals, as the Bears have not developed any quarterbacks (I mean ZERO) to be successful since the departure of Jim McMahon. In fact, until this year (described below), no former Chicago QB has ever went on to win a championship at any level (Jim McMahon retired after he won his last Super Bowl as backup to Brett Favre). Here’s the list of Chicago QB’s since McMahon: Mike Tomczak Steve Fuller Doug Flutie Mike Hohensee Steve Bradley Jim Harbaugh (future Packers coach) Peter Tom Willis Will Furrer Steve Walsh (Joe’s illegitimate son) Erik Kramer (vs Kramer) Dave Krieg Rick Mirer Steve Senstrom Moses Moreno Shane Mattthews (no relation to Clay) Cade McNown Jim Miller Chris Chandler (a.k.a. “Crystal Chandelier”) Henry Burris* Kordell Stewart (a.k.a. “Slash”) Rex Grossman (played for Ron Zook at Florida) Craig Krenzel Chad Hutchinson Jonathan “Mighty” Quinn Kyle Orton Brian Griese (Bob’s son) Jay Cutler Todd Collins (no relation to Tom) Caleb Hanie (nice name, you tit) Josh McCown (no relation to Cade McNown) Jason Campbell Jimmy Clausen Brian Hoyer Matt Barkley Yilch! * - So congrats to Henry Burris (Bears 2002 3rd string backup to Jim Miller and Chris Chandler) for winning the 2016 CFL “Grey Cup” (I know, I thought that was a golf trophy, too) by leading his underdog Ottawa Redblacks (Is that doubly racist?) to overtime victory against the heavily favored Calgary Stampeders in front of a crowd of 40,000 Canadians (Click on Link). I guess it’s now official: the statute of limitations for sucking because you’re a former Bears quarterback expires after 14 years. Nice job, Henry! (or as the French Canadians say, “Awn-ree”!) Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky moves on as expected to Indy after playing lethargically for 3 quarters and then having the D come on strong for the win 31-17. This means that if they win, they will be in the playoffs, right? Nope. Shirley, this would mean at least a berth in the Rose Bowl. Nope; not even that is assured. Refer once again to Badger Underground’s perfect football playoffs scenario. We will not rehash all the details, but there would be 4 x 16 team conferences with 2 divisions per conference. All games count. “So, what would be going on in the Big Ten this year under that scenario?” you ask? Well, remember that the top second place team plays the "worst" divisional winner, with the winner of that game moving on to play the top divisional winner. This means there would be a 12 team playoff with the conference championships providing the first rounds of playoffs.
We are where we are. In taking home the Axe, UW showed once again that they have a killer D and a very suspect offense. Will that formula carry them through the next 2 games? Our answer is an emphatic, “Why not!?” Bucky is good enough to be close to anyone on any day as proven by their entire season. They lost their 2 games by a total of 10 points to the 2 beauty queens of the conference. We are not flashy. We are just a very solid, well coached team. In fact, the other coaches in the conference voted our coach, Paul Chryst, Big Ten Coach of the Year (congrats!) which, by the way, comes with a really sweet watch! Expect a tight game Saturday, as WI is currently favored by 2.5. PSU’s QB Marty McSorely has put up impressive numbers behind an average offensive line, throwing for 300 yards three times. He is 2nd in the nation in yards per completion. We need to get to him like we did during the second half vs. MN’s QB. PSU possesses talented WR’s who can make plays. Though Saturday saw too many lapses by WI’s secondary, they took over in the second half and have steadily improved during the season. Look for WI’s front seven to neutralize PSU’s running game. Keep an eye, though, on WI’s DL. While their starting NT returned last week, he got shoved around by MN. Expect him to return to form Saturday night. The much bigger concern is the loss of Connor Sheehy, who slid over to NT for the last several weeks. He has been a key reason that nobody has been able to run on WI. No word yet whether his broken wrist will be clubbed. PSU’s DL is considered average, which is good considering the below average pass blocking and average run blocking of WI’s OL. Hornibrook returned to practice Tuesday, which again brings us the option of switching horses from time to time should Bart Houston take us into a death spiral with a rash of picks or should Hornibrook suffer a rash of 3rd down sacks. Given that we will be playing in a dome, one would hope that we can minimize the drive-killing receiver drops that have prevented WI from putting up bigger numbers offensively since day 1 of training camp. Many players remember the trashing at Indy two years ago, and it has been mentioned a number of times that they were beat up coming into the game following a physical game vs. MN. Last week’s MN game was far more physical than the one two years ago. But this year’s Badger team has been a resilient group. Start fast, get up a score or two, hit McSorely early and we should be in for a great game. We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game As Coach correctly predicted last week, the Packers use of interim Head Coach Herm Edwards would lead to a guaranteed victory. His equation for success is complex (Click on Link), but he explains it in relatively simple terms for us. And...wow! We won! Now we’re clearly on the path to Super Bowl victory! Ok, first things first, one game doesn’t prove anything, but Coach doesn’t care. Like any die-hard Packer fan, Coach can easily extrapolate a win over the Feables to a SB LI win in Houston… …."but Coach, can we really get there?" Why yes, Johnny, through the magic of mathematics we can prove that if the Packers win the next 9 games they will be bringing home another Lombardi Trophy! In fact, you can “choose” how the Pack does over the next 5 regular season games (Click on Link) to see their path to the playoffs. By doing so, you’ll find that although the Packers stand today at 5-6 they still have a 20% of making the playoffs, based on over 15,800 simulations of the remaining 5 weeks of the NFL Season. The combinations and permutations are mind-bogglingly-complex, so let Coach simplify. If A-Rod is correct and the Pack does win out, going 10-6, there is a >99% chance that the Pack make the playoffs. If they lose any of the last 3 games (Bears, Vikings and Lions), the odds drop considerably because almost all the playoff prediction scenarios show that we have to win the division to get in the playoffs. This, of course, must be true, because the model was developed by the same math wizards at the New York Times who predicted Hillary had an 86% chance of winning (which in fact was true, yet the 14% grabbed her by her secret server and pulled out an underdog's victory). And that’s why you should keep the faith Packers fans. Coach does.
Packers 24 – Texans 12 JB - Packer players you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them There isn’t much of a history between these 2 franchises … only a handful of Packers players have been signed by the Texans (most recently Josh Walker, previously Ryan Pickett and Corey Bradford … remember him?), and even fewer Texans have played for the Pack (Tramon Williams). Other than Tramon, they all have fairly pedestrian names (no Jadeveon Clowney trade, yet). The Packers have had some players with pretty interesting names over the years, though. Not to be out-done by the list of shitty Bears QB’s (sorry, redundant) above, I submit to you a refreshing stroll down memory lane with former Packers players having names that Coach finds more interesting than anything about Canada. LaVern “Lavvie” Dilweg, was a Milwaukee native who starred in football at Washington High School and later at Marquette. He played on three championship teams as a prolific pass-catching end with the Packers between 1927 and 1934. His grandson, Anthony, sucked shit for the Packers filling in for Don Majkowski at QB while Majik was banged up in 1989-90. Booth Lusteg was the kicker for Phil Bengston’s Green Bay team in 1969, which was Booth’s last stop on his 4th team in his nondescript four-year pro career. He wasn’t that good, but he had a great football name. Kivuusama Mays (Gesundheit!) was a journeyman linebacker claimed off waivers by former Packer general manager Ron Wolf in early December 1999 from the Vikings. A special teamer for the last 3 games in the 1999 season, he did not record a tackle in a Packer uniform. Vai Sikahema (I still like saying that … it makes me feel like I’m counting a flag football rushing cadence out loud in Japanese) was the first Tongan to ever play in the NFL after being drafted in the 10th round by the St. Louis Cardinals in 1986. The speedy kick-return specialist was named to the Pro Bowl in his first two seasons, famously punching the goal post padding after scoring TD’s, before being signed by the Packers in '91. He led Green Bay in punt returns and was second on the team in kickoff returns. He played the final two seasons of his NFL career with Philadelphia, where he now works as a television sports director. Everyone remembers that game winner against the Bengals: Favre to Kitrick Taylor. But it was SANJAY BEACH that holds the unique distinction of being the first receiver to catch a pass from quarterback Brett Favre in his Green Bay tenure. It was a 12-yarder against the Tampon Bay Fuccanqueers. Buford Garfield “Baby” Ray played 11 seasons with the Packers. Ray was one of the largest NFL players (6 foot 6, 250 pounds) of his era. He was a dominant offensive and defensive tackle who was named to the league's 1940s All-Decade Team. Ray was a key player on Green Bay's 1939 and 1944 NFL championship teams under Curly Lambeau. Lawrence "Taco" Wallace played in just one game for Green Bay in the 2005 regular season and did not catch a pass. Wallace's humorous nickname gained him nationwide acclaim. He was signed by the Packers for one season and closed out his professional career in the CFL with the Edmonton Eskimos in 2007. Oh, Canada, our home and native land, ….
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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