Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! 1-0, baby! Just like we drew it up. In case you missed the game, just read Coach’s prognostications from last week – the game pretty much played out exactly as predicted. Just sayin. So now it’s off to Minnesota to play the Vikings on Sunday night. If you’re heading that way this weekend, be sure to hide your young children and keep your wife off the lakeboat. Just sayin. Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme Well, as they say, winning is better than losing and we’ll take the “W”. Much as Coach predicted, there was not very much D going on in the Florida swamps last week. Credit poor execution on both team’s offenses rather than good D as the primary reason the score was not 68-67. The Pack didn’t really pass the eye-test and we took a potential blowout and turned it into a nail biter. As such, in Jacksonville the contest drew the highest local household TV rating for a Jaguars game in 6 years. The rating of 28.7 was 19% higher than the 2015 season opener and 29% higher than the Jags’ 2014 opener. The game reached an estimated 191,000 households on the East Coast and, despite having probably the least entertaining broadcast team that could possibly be assembled for an NFL game (Kevin Burkhardt and John Lynch in the booth and – OMG!... it looked like Pam Oliver was wearing a Freddy Kruger mask on the sideline!?? – I almost threw up my brat when they showed her at halftime. Maybe she’s covering up a face injury? (Click on Link) … whatever happened to that hot weather girl on Fox, Jillian Barberie?, or having hotties like Melissa Stark and Erin Andrews on the sideline at Packer games? Now all we get is homely MINLF types. But I digress…), was the highest-rated program in the Jacksonville market for that week. On behalf of all of Green Bay and its sprawl of French & Indian named annexed villages, let me say “You’re welcome, Fox.” Looking forward to games on NBC, ESPN and CBS. So winning ugly is better than losing ugly, but where do we stand? Plenty of power rankings have us as somewhere between numero uno and numero cinco. The real answer is “Who knows?” after one week of the season. Coach is fairly convinced that scoring more points than the other team is one of the key ingredients to winning, so this year we’ll be tracking the Packers position in the all-important “Points per Game Differential” (our average points-per-game vs. the opponents “points-per-game”). After one game the good news is that we are just inside the top-ten, but it’s hard to see Houston (SB LI) from here. OK, so let’s take a step back from the ledge. Everybody in Packer nation is getting anxious about getting A-Rod a couple of more rings before he retires, Coach included, but let’s keep Week 1 in perspective. Basically no Packers starters play in Pre-Season anymore (unlike teams like JAX, that need to get their starters some real-game experience), so the month of September is extended training camp and a battle of attrition to see which teams have depth. As loyal readers know by now, Coach is fairly relaxed about the Offense, even though Coach MM seems to want to make Eddie Lacey into a scat back running around the end (which did not work, never has, never will) instead of pounding him up the middle behind Ripper (they did this a couple of times to great success). As loyal readers also know, Coach has constant heartburn about the Defensive scheme and Special Teams. ST looked OK, aside from the D having to provide a Schum Shank Redemption for his bad punt near the end. Overall the D didn’t play too badly; in fact, they committed to stopping the run and held the Jags to less than 2 yards/carry, but the D did essentially nothing to stop the pass. So what about the coming week against the Queens? Just like last week's opponent they have an extremely good 4-3 Defense, but this time the Head Coach/D-Coordinator Mike Zimmer has a proven track record against A-Rod and the Pack (recall, news fans, that MZ was the D-Coordinator of Cincinnati and we have struggled against his D). We got away with our not-3-4 D against the Jags running offense, and it’s a bit ironic that we sold out to play the run on D from the nickel and dime formations. Not a huge surprise, though, that Sam Shields was concussed when you put his 184 lb frame in to essentially play linebacker. As our fastest DB is still undergoing concussion protocols (e.g., he still thinks he’s Batman), Coach is wondering about how much we give up in “beef on the field” when we play nickel. So, just for kicks, here’s the listed weights of our starting offense to the Queens D and their Offense to our D. In a nobody-is-surprised moment, our D is on average 27 pounds lighter than the Vikings average offender (double entendre intended) and 11 pounds lighter than the Queens defensive players. Full disclosure, I used our “nickel” starters, but that is how the Legume lines them up 70% of the time. For reference, he lined up our D in the actual 3-4 formation less than 10 times in Jacksonville. Methinks thou dost protest too much, you say? OK, probably -- so expect Dom to mix things up quite a bit versus what we saw in Week 1. With both Shaun Hill and Sam Bradford less familiar with the Packers D than Bridgewater was, Coach MM probably didn’t want Capers to give much for them to look at on film. Expect more 3-4 with gap discipline, providing Peterson paltry places to penetrate past the primary point of play . WTF - The Coach's take on a bad ref call or a bad play call or the like I know what you’re thinking … 2 time-outs in a row – that’s the WTF this week, right? Well, no (even though it deserves at least Miss Congeniality consideration). This week’s Wednesday Taco Feature is dedicated to a bonehead play by Morgan “that’s the shittiest 1st half I’ve ever had in my life” Burnett. Granted, it was only the Jags’ 2nd drive, but it should have easily been killed back in their territory -- yet ended up with them getting 3 points. 3rd and 12 and Bortles drops back to pass, nobody is open near or past the 1st down marker. So, Bortles concedes the set of downs to try again later and simply dumps a 2 yard pass to a receiver underneath. Burnett, for no fathomable reason other than to try to show up Joe Thomas who picked off a pass on the prior defensive stand, mugs the receiver before the ball gets there and celebrates like it’s a good play or something (maybe it was an “I’m on TV!” moment?). Anyways (which is the American abbreviation for “go to hell, I’m done talking about this with you” -- pay attention from now on when people say that to you and you’ll see that Coach is right), instead of letting the receiver catch the ball for a 2-yard gain and an inevitable subsequent punt, Moron Burnett gives them an automatic 1st down. It’s a massive failure of what Bill Belichick calls “Situational Football” -- his teams are masters of it, which is why they usually are in the SuperBowl (or close to it) every year and have the best record in the NFL since he’s been leading the Pats. He teaches his players to completely understand the game situation on each play and adapt accordingly -- whether it’s starting to rain and the ball is getting wet, or a defensive back is severely in pain and likely can’t keep up with receivers (see also, Richard Sherman NFC Championship Game), or it’s 3rd and 12 and the ball is passed underneath for a potential 2-yard gain… professional football players should know what they are expected to do for the team in each game situation. It’s not that difficult. I could figure out how to play each situation for like half the money Burnett makes. Though, other than failing the Football 101 quiz this week in Jacksonville, Coach generally likes Morgan Burnett. Let’s just chalk it up to being his final 2016 preseason performance. Speaking of safeties, ever notice that Ha Ha Clinton-Dix looks like a lot like … someone else? Buh-weet Sings (Click On Link) Come to think of it, we have several Doppelgangers on our team. How about Brett Hundley …another Will Smith? And our Quarterback? Well,he looks a little like that famous TV celebrity from The Bachelorette…but maybe that’s a stretch. I’m not sure who this guy looks like. The Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof Well, all 4 NFC Norris Division foes played on the road opening weekend against teams from the AFC South (aka, the weakest division in football, including FCS and MLS teams). Tallying the results is kinda like preflight checks in an airplane cockpit: Packers win over Jaguars? Check. Vikings win over Titans? Check. Lions win over … Colts??? Uh… Check! Bears win … ha ha ha ha ha ha ha … over … hee hee (sorry, I can’t contain myself) … Texans? Wah, Waahhh (insert your favorite game show fail music here – usually a horn of some sort, sliding down several octaves. Coach’s favorite happens to be The Price is WRONG – bum bum ba-buuuuuh (Click on Link). This just in: the Bears still suck. Welcome to Shitcago, Josh Sitton. Get used to losing, you poor bastard. Maybe Alshon Jeffry can give you pointers on how to cope. Here’s hoping money CAN buy you happiness, cuz it ain’t gonna come from playing football in Chicago. Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground The Badgers beat Akron as expected and for some unknown reason moved up in the polls even though no one lost. The polls are meaningless at this point and as you all know… Badger Underground advocates doing away with them altogether as a way of picking playoff teams. Let it be decided on the field! We will not bore you with the details of our perfect plan. See that in its entirety in the archives, but suffice it to say the ranking should be a forecast of how good a team is based on wins and losses to date (sort of prediction of future performance based on past performance … I know, preposterous). So we are now forced to hold our collective nose and cheer for tOSU to stomp Oklahoma and Michigan to do the same to Colorado. LSU will hopefully roll over Missy State. Such is what you have to do with the stupid system today. Although the Akron Zips (Click on Link) are ironically named after a famous war hero who was fatally injured in battle, Bucky got out of the the game with only one significant injury -- which will still test their depth, though, during the first half of the conference schedule. After a couple of near picks early, Bart Houston found a groove, connecting on a bunch of passes. Clement racked up over 20 carries in the first half before leaving with a minor ding, leaving 2nd and 3rd stringers to rack up style points for the playoff committee. The defense continued its dominance, though one wonders whether they will have an adequate pass rush against the conference elite. The jury is still out on whether the secondary is good enough against legit passing attacks. “Anyway,” maybe Bucky warrants the top 10 ranking and maybe not. Let's check things out after game 4 of the Big 10 season. If we come out of that nasty gauntlet 3-1, then we are worthy. Looking immediately ahead, we play lowly Georgia State on Saturday for the first time in history this Saturday and face an ominous 35 point spread. The storied history of the GSU Panthers (which, as you know from last week's show, are really Jaguars) started in 2010 (way back when the Jacksonville Jaguars were watched on TV – in Jacksonville). The only noteworthy thing about them is that their first coach was Bill Curry who was also the starting center for the Packers in SuperBowl I, and purportedly coached like old Vince. Badger Underground recommends setting the DVR for the Georgia State game and watching the replay following a day on a local lake or in a tree stand (good luck, bow hunters, and remember: Cutter beats Off in the deep woods!). We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game To get a victory in Minnesota, sometimes we have to be good, sometimes we have to not beat ourselves (see also, TJ Rubley), and sometimes the Vikings reveal that they simply are hardwired to self-destruct. Both teams have entered the season with a SuperBowl-or-Bust attitude. Although it’s cute that the Queens think they’re good, we are actually good and we’re too savvy to beat ourselves. So, assuming the refs keep it fair, we should be OK when we pop US Bank stadium’s cherry Sunday night. The more likely scenario is that the Vikings will choke – just as they always do in big games. In case you missed it, here is an excellent video summary of key plays (Click On Link) as broken down in real time by Football Prestige Worldwide, LLC from the last time the Queens were on the big stage, which reveals from a technical perspective why they aren’t capable of consistently playing well against talented teams that otherwise give them opportunities to win. And, to be accurate, the game Sunday night isn’t going to be the 1st big event in their “new” stadium. The venue was actually broken in on August 20th courtesy of the metal militia to promote the forthcoming 40th Metallica release, which is ironically (for Minnesota) entitled “Hardwired… to Self-Destruct.” Time to get a new back patch for my jean jacket! So, wer’re gonna win in another squeaker. Not just because the Vikings are overrated by themselves and the media types they listen to for drafting players, but also because of simple quarterback play. Now, Shaun Hill has proven that he could beat the Packers back when he was a Lion playing on Thanksgiving, and the US Bank stadium home opener in Minneapolis is sure to have similar “this is as close as we’re going to feel like a team that plays in in the Super Bowl” excitement level. But Shaun Hill is no match for Aaron Rodgers (OK, I get it, they don’t actually oppose each OTHER, but 25 points or more wins this game and ol’ Shaun doesn’t have it in him). And what if Sam Bradford plays? See above, because Shaun will come in when Sam is carted off the field ala Teddy Bridgewater. Speaking of the Gimp, the word from the twin cities is that his surgery went well. (BTW, have you ever heard a team say their star player’s surgery didn’t go well? Anyways....) In fact, according to Hillary Clinton’s campaign staff, there is no doubt that Teddy is healthy and will be ready for the playoffs (should they qualify, of course). Recent photos from Bridgewater’s therapist – the same one who turned Adrian Peterson on a lightning-fast track recovery from his ACL injury without the use of banned substances (a-hem), shows that Teddy is well ahead of schedule and might even be ready to return to action for the game in Lambeau on Christmas Eve (someone tell Hillary’s staff that this insensitive term for a date is December 24). JB - Packer players you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them Speaking of quarterback play, we are fortunate to have the best QB in the league right now. Like Teddy Bridgewater, our guy was a late 1st round draft pick, and clearly better than the QB selected in front of him (in Bridgewater's case, he was picked after the Cleveland Clowns selected Johnny Manziel -- this would be another good time to insert your favorite gameshow fail music). Bridgewater played college ball at Louisville, and our #1 draft pick played at Cal-Berkeley. But Aaron Rodgers wasn't our first #1 draft pick QB from the University of California. Oh no, that distinction goes to one Rich Campbell in 1981 -- which infamously followed a pattern by then-coach / GM Bart Starr of ignoring good advice from his knowledgeable scouts and taking bad advice from football blowhards (present company excluded, of course)... You see the Packers, like every NFL team, wanted an elite quarterback to collect numerous Lombardi trophies in the 80's. So, Midwest scout Red Cochran (great football name or beat reporter name, by the way), pleaded with Mr. Starr to draft the kid from Notre Dame in the 2nd round of the 1979 draft (Joe Montana?, I think his name was???) because of his uncanny knack to win games regardless of the score in the 4th quarter. But Bart selected a running back named Steve Atkins (no relation to anyone good in the NFL or anyone associated with a carbohydrate-free diet) from that 1979 college football powerhouse, Maryland. Subsequently, when Starr chose nose tackle Charles Johnson from, you guessed it -- Maryland (again!) in the 3rd round ahead of Montana, Cochran stormed out of the draft room majorly pissed off. So, what does this have to do with Rich Campbell and where am I going with this? Stay with me...
Two years later director of player personnel, Dick Corrick, tried to convince Bart to take Ronnie Lott from USC with the 6th overall pick, based on input from Lloyd Eaton, the Packer's West Coast scout. Eaton was a respected scout and had a reputation for being a straight shooter. (By the way, having the 6th overall pick 2 years after NOT taking Montana should tell you how terrible the Terrapin-twins draft went.) As the story goes, Corrick and Starr brought Lott to Green Bay for a pre-draft visit, which included dinner at the Town & Country Club in Allouez ("Ronnie, this is what we call a 'Supper Club' ... Would you like a Brandy Old Fashioned, Sweet or a Kitty Cocktail with a cherry?"). The dinner was a resounding success in Corrick's mind, so he made one last pitch to Starr the night before the draft and went home thinking he had convinced Bart to take Lott. However, the next morning Starr said he couldn’t ignore the input of some of his assistant coaches (not scouts, assistant coaches!) and chose to draft Campbell. The 49ers scooped up Lott soon after as their 1st round pick. When Starr announced his decision in the Packers’ draft room, Lloyd Eaton whispered to Bob Harlan, “That’s a mistake. He can’t play.” Eaton extensively studied Campbell and Lott, who had both played college ball in California. Harlan asked Eaton at that point, “Then why didn’t you speak up and say something?” Eaton responded, “They don’t listen to me anyway.” (Harlan should have known at that point what sort of GM was needed -- it took him a while, but he eventually figured it out when he went for broke to get Ron Wolf.) When the Packers got thoroughly pummeled on the field by the 49ers five years after that draft, Lott, oozing with sarcasm said to reporters after the game, “I remember I flew up there before the draft. Coach Starr was there and coach (John) Marshall had been my coach at USC. I had a feeling I was coming here. But they took Rich Campbell and had a lot of success with Rich.” ...bum bum ba-buuuuhh. If Bart would have drafted Joe Montana there’s little chance he would have selected Rich Campbell in 1981 instead of Ronnie Lott. And now, my friends, you know the rest of this Paul Harvey story. Don't blame Rich Campbell for sucking. It's not his fault that he got drafted by the Packers in the 1st round. And go easy on Bart, he still reigns as the best quarterback the Packers have ever had and he did give us multiple world championships...not to mention he's a gentleman's gentleman. But just imagine what the 80's could have been for us -- besides parachute pants, music television, and buckets full of cocaine.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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