With the Packers thumping the Bears and the Vikings providing the ’72 Dolphins with reason to uncork another bottle of champagne (Click on Link), reality is starting to make a comeback. Speaking of needing to get back on track, NFL TV ratings are down a whopping 10% this year. Reflecting on why that might be, Coach recalls the late, great British comedic genius, Benny Hill, when he was once presented with this query: What’s worse, ignorance or apathy? …to which he replied, “I don’t know and I don’t care.” Some blame 2016 NFL apathy on Rodger Goodell for disenfranchising fans by keeping Tom Brady off the field for 4 weeks, or for over-saturating the market with Thursday night, Sunday night and Monday night games; yet others say simply putting the Vikings on television outside of the twin-cities market is nauseating for archetypal Americans – all true, but Coach thinks it’s the disheartening presidential race that is sucking our NFL team spirit out of America. The good news is that the countdown for picking the lesser of 2 evils is just about over. A staggering 1/3 of registered voters (not including the deceased and illegal immigrant voters) are STILL undecided. Since there’s a good chance that demographic includes you, this short clip will provide you a unique perspective (Click on Link) on both of the 2 major party candidates, and might just be the difference maker for your final decision. You’re welcome. Back to football… Create a seam here - X' & O's about the game or a scheme Back in the ‘80s there was a drug addicted, mentally unstable rock star named Joe Walsh of a band called The Eagles, which had a hit song called Hotel California. Joe Walsh’s guitar riffs in that song are amazing and still enjoyed today by music lovers of all ages. Joe’s older brother, William, was the white sheep of the family: always did his homework and got good grades, came home on time, and certainly said “No!” to drugs. Bill liked the game of football, and excelled in the game of Risk! Putting those two passions together, he devised a system of offensive strategy that was the inverse of conventional football wisdom at the time. He thought, “What if we passed to set up the run, instead of the other way around?” He tinkered with this concept as Offensive Coordinator for the Cincinnati Bengals while working under the tutelage of mentor Paul Brown, and then it became known as the “West Coast” Offense (the term coined by mistake, thanks to a reporter’s misquote of Bernie Kosar) when put into action under his reign as head coach of the San Francisco 49ers. Mike Holmgren was Offensive Coordinator for Bill Walsh back then, and Mike McCarthy was quarterbacks coach for Mike Holmgren in Green Bay, so you can see why Mike McCarthy is so familiar with that strategic gem from the gay bay. The concept is ball-control characterized by short (high-percentage), horizontal passing routes in lieu of running plays to "stretch out" defenses, opening up the potential for long runs or long passes. Precise, horizontal stretch-based passes allows the ball to be thrown to intermediate routes; the theory being that the receiver will make up the total yardage. San Fran exploited defenses with relatively weak-armed Joe Montanna using Roger Craig (imagine Ty Montgomery) to catch passes out of the backfield while Jerry Rice (Dvante Adams / Randall Cobb) and John Taylor (Jordy Nelson / Trevor Davis) ran slants and moved the chains with YAC. Granted, none of today’s Packers are anywhere near Jerry Rice’s talent, except maybe Justin Perillo, but you get the idea. Good conditioning, the ability to consistently catch balls (rarely ever dropping them), and longevity, in conjunction with the West Coast Offense, which took advantage of those traits, are what made Jerry Rice a Hall of Famer and the 2nd best receiver of all time. Thursday night, Dvante Adams didn’t drop any of his 13 passes, he gained 132 yards and scored 2 touchdowns, and then he was named NFC player of the week. Ty Montgomery had just as many yards, albeit a mix of the pass (horizontal, YAC) and the run out of the backfield. Yep, all of that offensive production from just an interesting couple of guys -- which, coincidentally, is exactly the same phrase that former Eagles drummer, Don Henley, used to describe Bill Walsh’s younger brother, Joe. WTF - The Coach's take on a bad ref call or a bad play call or the like As I drove to my bowhunting stand this weekend, I couldn’t help but think (in a Jerry Seinfeld sort of way), “What’s the deal with those 2 radio stations near the bottom of the radio dial that always play the exact same thing?” It’s 2 different channels, but they have the same programming at the same time. Why bother with 2? Why not just 1. Nobody actually listens to it anyway, so why have 2? You know the drill… You’re driving through the middle of nowhere and you’re station gets so scratchy that you have to find a different one outside of your saved FAVORITE buttons. So you hit the SCAN feature on the car radio, and it always stops when it picks up reception down somewhere between 87.1 and 90.9. I think it’s public radio (maybe?) and it’s usually like classical music (I think, although it could be opera, or maybe something else I don’t ever listen to), or an interview with a nutjob candidate from some obscure political party that’s run by activists who were beaten up by both stoners and jocks in high school for playing hacky-sack in the hall, or some unknown starving actors playing the characters of a book that they are reading to you, or a couple of ladies talking (Click on Link) about their favorite food dish. When the SCAN feature stops there, you move like lightning to hit that SCAN button again in search of the next available channel as soon as possible – but the problem is, the next available channel plays the exact same crap! I had a double whammy this weekend … I got fooled by 2 separate pairs of nested crap channels on the radio. It played out something like this as I’m driving through the countryside before dawn: …Hey, this is a good song (Click on Link)… Oh, crap, my station is getting out of range, push the SCAN button. Oh, crap, NPR, hit SCAN (wicked quick). Oh, crap, an unexpected NPR-like channel, caught me off guard there, hit SCAN. CRAP! – back to NPR1, hit SCAN fast! CRAP! CRAP! Sideswiped by NPR2 again! WTF? Then I just played Pandora on my phone the rest of the way. The end. Why is Lady Gaga in a Bud Light commercial? Bud Light used to have smiling basketball players cracking beers open together in the locker room after a game. Now that's what a beer commercial is supposed to be. Not some Pop40 bitch that has a face easily modeled by a clown making balloon animals. I thought Spuds MacKenzie was bad, but this is downright unacceptable. I don't drink much of that Anhowzyer-Bush concoction resembling canoe copulation anyway, but now I'm calling for an all-out boycott until Bud Light gets Bob Uecker to mock his baseball career in Miller Lite fashion, only to peddle Bud Light, like the Verizon "Can you hear me now?" guy does these days as he whores himself out for Sprint. The Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof Here’s an actual article from the local paper: The Packers clobbered the Bears with 1 hand tied behind our back last Thursday, so the NFL team from Illinoise is now 1-6 and battling the winless Cleveland Clowns for 1st QB to be picked in the 2017 draft (Man, I’d hate to be THAT guy). Just for the fun of piling on, we broke Hoyer’s arm (Click on Link), too. I’m not exactly sure what the term “epic proportions” means, but it feels like the appropriate term to describe how bad the Bears are. To put this in historical perspective, Chicago’s football team’s season was over before its baseball team’s was. …just further proof that the Bears still suck. The old mathematical axiom asks “What is infinity times infinity?” That’s a good approximation for the quantitative measure of how bad the Bears actually suck. BTW, the answer is “Infinity squared.” You’re welcome. Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground You can throw out the Cornholers’ record, ranking and stats when analyzing this season. Five of their wins have come against teams with losing records and they needed to come from behind in several of those wins against lowly opponents. One area of improvement that cannot be denied is owning the fourth quarter this season vs. caving in during the fourth quarter last year. The Cornholers’ banged up OL vs. WI’s front seven minus their NT and all-world ILB Cichy will be an interesting matchup. Cichy covered up nicely for the NT drop-off last week against Iowa. Nebraska likely will not be able to exploit WI’s second stringers. With Biegel back closer to full strength, he, Watt & Dooley should be able to contain and rough up Armstrong. Armstrong continues the recent Nebraska tradition of throwing forward passes like they are skipping stones. This year’s group of Cornholer receivers is quite talented. Armstrong will occasionally throw jump balls, hoping they come down with it. Tindal & Jamerson are questionable for WI. If the LB’s continue their relentless harassment of opponent QB’s, it won’t matter who we have playing CB. The Cornholer defense has put up good numbers, but against bottom feeding competition. I expect WI’s offense to have a good deal of success against them, provided they aren’t fumbling at the goal line and missing FG’s. Both of WI’s top guards returned last week vs. the Hogeyes. WI tinkered with several OL combinations last week, probably due to very poor pass protection. Hornibrook continues to take T-bone hits, necessitating alternating in Bart Houston. WI should continue to get plenty of mileage out of Houston coming in, rolling out and throwing short to intermediate passes. Opponents are teeing off on WI’s pass blocking on 3rd & long situations. WI is an 8-point favorite, but the Cornholers are our bitches. We own them. Look for WI to roll, with Armstrong being taken off the field in pieces. Expect a score in the vicinity of 31-9. If you're lucky enough to be at the game, be sure to watch closely. We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game With both teams in the top ten of power rankings, this week’s NFL main matinee matchup should help for TV ratings, although Atlanta and Green Bay are VERY different cities in terms of football fandom. Most football fans in Atlanta are either Georgia Tech fans or are fans of other NFL teams because they relocated to Atlanta from somewhere else in search of warmer weather, traffic jams, and elderly strippers. The Falcons have never won a championship; the Packers have won a league leading 13! Aaron has done well against Matt in the Georgia dome the last coupla visits there, including the 48-21 blowout in the #6 vs #1 Divisional Playoff Game en route to winning SB 45 (Badger Underground was there as the fair-weather fans of north Georgia made early for the exits) and the 25-14 victory again the following year during the regular season (Coach and Badger Underground in attendance as part of a “surprise” birthday party road trip drunk fest. Good times, good times). In the Bears game we broke the pitchers arm and as much as we screamed for Cutler to come in the game, the wimp had made himself inactive so we had to settle for a USC pretty boy…who had a 40 something QB rating and we turned the 1-5 Bears into the 1-6 Bears. Questions? “It’s tough in the NFL”, “they are pro’s too”, “they get paid too”, “it’s tough to win a game in the NFL”…yada, yada, yada. The Bears really do suck, even more than usual (more below). But, A-Rod had a 300+ yd game, and importantly, had several passes on target. Even more impressively, with no Eddy or James to run the rock, Montgomery and Cobb picked up the slack while the Ripper added eleven yards. Ripper’s 11 was a 1-yard run followed by 10-yards of YAS (Yards After Scrum). So winning ugly it was, but with about half the team injured and/or inactive, we aint givin none back. There was a palpable feeling of relief in Lambeau after the win and a collective hope that we are starting to rebound a bit. Sooper Bowl LI Watch Ok Packer fans….all we wanna do is git a trophy, so Coach is going to keep tracking how we fit in with the rest of the league: First: With a win over the god-awful Bears we improved our PPG differential to +2.8 and we rank 12th overall. The +2.8 predicts about 11 wins, which matches perfectly with the PPG ranking of our schedule (Eagles, Vikings and Seahawks are above us in PPG ranking, so assuming 3 losses there we go 11-5 on the season). Of course the Stats don’t predict squat on individual games…but they do tend to track over time and 11-5 is about where the eye-test has us right now considering our strength (or weakness) of schedule. Second: We are still well off the mark in both Defensive Ranking (12th) and Offensive Ranking (14th) compared with the 2010 team (2nd and 10th respectively). In fact, the stats say that 2016 is identical to 2015. No wonder if feels like déjà vu all over again. As “proven” above, we will lose to the Falcons…right? Wrong! Linsley out? No problem ---- OL performing better than ever (Josh who? Did he play with Brent Faver?) Chris Banjo and Jared Abbrederis added to IR…to make room for this year's people's champ… …Geronimo Allison! ...which happens to be the coolest athlete name since DeWanna Bonner…honestly, you can’t make this stuff up. Maybe it’s only Coach in a delirious state, but he has a very good feeling about winning agin’ the Dirty Birds. Yeah they have the Speaker of the House slinging the ball all over the yard to guys with names like Orange Julius, but we have a bunch of rookies and first year players who look real. Good ole’ seasoned vet Ladarius Gunter struggled against the Cowboys, but now with two starts under his belt he looks good. 2016 draft picks Kenny Clark (1st round, DT), Kyler Fackrell (3rd, OLB) and Blake Martinez (4th, ILB) all have made really good contributions to the D, and 5th Rnd WR Trevor Davis actually returned a punt for a few yards! Those contributions and Nick Perry (former 1st rounder from USC) tearing it up are starting to give Coach a little bit of confidence. What the heck, Shanker Schum even kicked a punt over 40 yards, will wonders never cease? No kids, we’re not gonna lose. Take it to the bank: Packers 27 - Dirty Birds 20 JB - Packer players you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them Coach and Coach’s brother have a long-standing argument regarding a certain football that was found by Mom long after the 2 of us had moved out. “Is this yours or is it your brother’s?” Of course it was mine. It was a Green Bay Packers edition knock-off of an official NFL “The Duke” football by Wilson, colored red, white and blue, with a mass-produced faux-signature of “#42 John Brockington” on it. Of COURSE it was mine. It doesn’t matter that the football was a piece of crap (Perhaps one of the first MADE IN CHINA experiments? Probably a “free gift” that Dad went out of his way to get for us by taking a test drive of a vehicle that he could not afford and had no intention of buying). And it doesn’t matter that the colored “pigskin” covering started to flake off soon after initial use, making it slippery to the touch and a foreign-material risk to human eyes. I caught probably a thousand pretend touchdowns (and performed their re-enactments in pretend slow motion) diving after that ball into a pile of leaves. It didn’t matter that we raked them without cleaning up the dog poop first … that’s just football in the yard, man. And I don’t want to brag, but I also kicked thousands of field goals and extra points over the telephone line and into the alley with that football. And when I tee’d it up after a score, I could command either touchbacks or onside kicks at will. Of course it was mine. I can’t believe my brother still has it. Imagine the early ‘70s in Green Bay, when championships seemed very recent, yet felt so unbelievably far away. In Charles Dickens’ classic, A Tale of Two Cities, the work begins “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, ….” Enter John Brockington. John Brockington was a stud running back from the Ohio State University and a product of their infamous Head Coach, Woody Hayes (Click on Link). And, yes (for you younger readers), the Buckeyes were really good back then, too. Brockington was selected by the Packers in the 1st Round of the 1971 NFL Draft with the 9th overall pick. Brockington played in Green Bay from 1971-1977. He was traded by the Packers to the Kansas City Chiefs in 1977 after playing in one game that year with Green Bay. He started every game during his time as a Packer, and he averaged 5.1-yards per carry his rookie season! People were thinking Paul Hornung!, Jim Taylor!, John Brockington!(?) Well, he probably was the best player on those early ‘70s teams. Highlights of John Brockington’s Green Bay Packers career include being a 3 Time Pro Bowl Selection and an All-Pro Selection in 1971, 1972 and 1973, NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year in 1971 and a Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame Inductee in 1984. He also was the first NFL player to ever rush for 1,000 yards or more in each of his first three seasons. Unfortunately for John, though, he didn’t have Forrest Gregg and Jerry Kramer blocking for him, and only 1 of those 6 seasons resulted in a winning record. He amassed over 5,000 yards across 85 games, averaging 3.9 per carry. Not too shabby considering the rest of the team sucked – especially the QB’s (Scott Hunter, Jerry Tagge, John Hadl), so defenses usually played Green Bay to run. What is fun (for me anyways) to think about, is the pairings we had in the backfield lo those many years ago. For example,
Brockington’s running style relied on upper and lower body strength. With his powerful legs and a vicious stiff arm, he was the 1970’s version of what we now refer to as “Eddie Lacy” (except the fatass part) or maybe a Running Back version of Mike Daniels. Even though he also had exceptional speed, Brockington preferred to break tackles and run over defenders rather than run away from them. What kid wouldn’t want a John Brockington football?
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This whole week’s episode of The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! could be one long WTF rant, but we’ll begrudgingly follow suit and be sure to file our dismay in the correct folder. Special thanks to the short week. Now I gotta turn this thing around quickly and pay even less attention to my wife and kids. Glad that Aaron Rodgers shared his secret for how to deal with the tough loss and the quick turnaround "Rodgers footage drinking scotch". (Click on Link). Thank GOD we’re playing the Bears this week. Could not have come at a better time. The Pack is down 7 players and can really use this automatic win, even though beating the Bears will be pretty much like kissing your sister. The whole crapper seems like it’s backing up. A-Rod throws and runs like a girl, McCarthy manages games like he’s Kramer, our players trot around lazily like they’re entitled to win without giving it their best effort and then get burned by opponents that do, our “deepest position” left their jock straps all over the field. What the hell’s going on out here? Oh, and just in case you were wondering… But I digress... Life’s not all bad. For example, congratulations to last week’s Coach Clarahanson “Name A Hottie” contest winner, Trevor Bitterswheat, of Combined Locks for laudably submitting Eva Mendes as a young, Hispanic Cindy Crawford. Good on you, Mate! When notified of his winning entry, Trevor said “It just kinda hit me like, Who’d be hotter than a modern-day Cindy Crawford but younger, of course … and maybe Mexican?” Trevor politely declined the 1st place prize of a Ryan Pickett autographed football, which rolls over in with next week’s prize -- a Samkon Gado wristband with an inked "#35" on it! Good luck. Create a seam here - X' & O's about the game or a scheme Cowboy game summary: Hey, fantastic TD by Starks! Ooops, well that’s the way it was supposed to look...and it did…last year. There were exactly two highlights worth remembering from the Cowboys game: Highlight #1: Brent got his ring from the President of the Pro Football HOF: C. David Baker. You know, as in “C David Baker? He can’t paint the f’ng field for the game in Canton”. And, thanks for coming back Brent, you ole’ good-luck-charm you, at least it wasn’t 33-degrees F and driving rain like it was when we lost the last time you were here. Highlight #2: Some Italian friends of "The Show!!!” were at the game! Ciao (from right to left) Fernando, Luca, and the other guy who we didn't tailgate with, but who happens to be an Ariens Snowblower Dealer from Italy. Receiving serious WTF consideration... Why is there a snow blower dealer in Italy??? BTW, doesn't Luca look at lot like another famous Italian? Ok, youse gize have already called in to a half-dozen radio shows, watched ESPN, kicked the dog and maybe gave yourself a high-ankle-sprain by jumping off of your garage roof in a failed attempt to end the misery. Coach, too, so I'll cease and desist from overanalyzing A-Rod's recent penchant for bad passes, poor reads, late deliveries, hand slaps to the turf, etc., and simply observe that while he played an extremely mediocre game, the reality is that the game was won and lost in the trenches. Yes, the good ole trenches! A place about which our D-Coordinator, the Legume, has yet to exhibit any cognition (OK, just tell the bartender he’s a f’ng dumbass). Dallas needed only five plays and 33 seconds to cover 97 yards and make the score 17-6 at the half. The Packers never got closer than 11 the rest of the way. The picture below is all you need to know about the game. Coach has to admit that he admires the team they put together down there in Ft. Worth. In a true LOL moment, Coach wonders if Mr. Mike Daniels even knows the Denny Green (Click on Link) story behind the quote he appropriated. In a fun sort of “nothing to see here” moment, Brent Favor had glowing post game comments about Cowboys QB, Zit Pressclosed. After spending several minutes praising him, the ever-media-savvy #4 sensed the home crowd and added “Oh yeah, and Aaron is really good too. Throwing 2 INT’s and fumbling twice isn’t so bad. He only lost one fumble.” So where does this leave us going into the Week 7 Bears game? Well more-or-less like 1978 where we finished 2nd in the NFC Central Division with an 8-7-1 record. Good enough for 2nd place, behind..oh, f’it, I can’t stand this. Moving on…so you may recall that Coach has always recommended scoring more points than the other team as a key to victory. So to summarize the 2016 Season so far, we got our asses kicked by the two good teams we’ve played and we’ve squeezed past the three lousy teams we’ve played. If we look only at Team rankings on Point Differential per game, we have a lot of trouble in River City ahead of us. We could easily be 10-6 this year looking at that ranking, with four more losses coming from Philadelphia, Minnesota, the Falcons and the Seahawks. Even more troubling, you may remember way back in Week 5 that Coach explained the “Pythagorean” theorem of football point differential. On that measure, at a “plus 0.2” PPG, we project as an 8-8 team. Of course at this point in the season Coach is just worrying unnecessarily, right? Nah, but even so, this stinks!!! En so? Don’t despair! Coach knows the real recipe for success in this case… ...Lombardi said it ...Holmgren said it …you know it …NFL Coaches have a shelf-life of around 7 years and the Murphy-Thompson-McCarthy-Legume Regime is overdue. It’s time for a coup d’état at 1265 Lombardi Ave. The MTM-Legume Show has to go. I guess the positive way to look at things is that your January should be free to go curling and make some Canadian friends, eh? WTF - The Coach's take on a bad ref call or a bad play call or the like Here's a bad play: PLAYING AARON RODGERS. He's got the worst passer rating in the league, and you can't do worse than that, now can you. Many of you dorks blame his wicked hot girlfriend, Olivia Munn, for sending the bloodflow out of his cerebral cortex and into his frontal lobe. Coach has professed how stupid that is, citing the beauty of Tom Brady's wife, Gisele, and every girlfriend of every starting quarterback -- professional, college, and dare I say high school, that I have ever seen (except for maybe Kirk Cousins' fatass wife). So Coach was shocked when Aaron confessed the possibility that Ms. Munn may have inadvertently been negatively affecting his gridiron production. Rodgers revealed Monday that he was putting dairy back into his diet, saying "Olivia suggested maybe we should eat less red meat and stop eating dairy so that I can extend my career, and I agreed because she rocks in the sack and I am NOT gonna upset THAT apple cart. Then I watched Favre get his Hall of Fame ring at halftime and thought to myself -- that guy ate like 10 Slim-Jims a day, drank like a fish, trolled his cock around town like nobody's business, and look where it got him! I'm putting away the Glenlivet and opening a case of Keystone. Who knows, maybe I'll puke pork rinds on Leonard Floyd Thursday night." Since the Packers have put the scoring of touchdowns on temporary hiatus, Coach had to find alternative examples of football excellence. Kansas State vs. Texas Tech … Coach recommends players with sufficient intestinal fortitude to strive for this end zone celebration (Click on Link) – and expects there will be no 15-yard penalty. Not to be out-done, Texas Tech has revealed this innovative way to fire up the crowd! (Click on Link) I suspect Bears fans will be quick to adapt this into their cheering routine. In case you missed it, home field robbery occurred again in Seattle. This time Richard Sherman mugged Julio Jones blatantly right in front of a ref, and there inexplicably was no call. First of all, if Sherman wouldn’t have mauled Jones, than Jones certainly would have caught the ball – he almost did it with one arm literally tied behind his back. B of all, that catch or pass interference would have set up the game winning chip shot field goal. But as a result of the bad ref call, it now appears Atlanta will likely have to go through Seattle in the playoffs instead of the reverse. Sound familiar Packers fans? Grab your torch and pitchforks, because it’s time to demand that Pass Interference – the most impactful, game changing call in the game of football, be subject to replay review. Why are the refs so in love with the Seattle Seahawks anyways? Why is Sherman being so protected by them? Are there bigger plans in store for Richard Sherman this year? (Click on Link) Not really sure why UW’s basketball star Nigel Hayes keeps making this football blog, but here we go again… This time Nigel was holding up a sign in Madison when ESPN College Gameday was in town Saturday for Bucky vs. tOSU Chestnuts. Do we have another Kaepernick on our hands? No. …for a couple of years now Hayes has been touting that Beer Money Matters, pining for pay to athletes. He is no stranger to using his platform of fame(?) for what he sees as the greater good. FWIW, all the money donated to the site depicted on his sign went to Boys & Girls Club, not to him. He’s a good guy. Kinda funny, too. Who knows, maybe his jump shot will pick up, also. Or maybe Coach will recruit him for Badger Underground insight when he graduates and doesn’t get drafted by an NBA team again this year. Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof The Bears lost again. 1-5. Shocker. Let’s put this in perspective… What would be most insulting? A. Aaron Gabbert B. Aaron Griffin III C. Aaron Hoyer D. Aaron Cutler Trick question! The correct answer is both C and D. Granted, they’re all pretty insulting, but mocking an NFL quarterback by using the name of a Bears quarterback is by far the worst of the worst (Hmmm…I could go for some wurst). Now if only Aaron Houston would be replaced by Brett Hornibrook… Good thing Thursday’s game is being played in Green Bay, where things are done a little more honestly. The big story in Chicago lately is all about the scam artists hard at work on their home-office printers making fraudulent tickets. The Bears are experiencing great difficulty in selling actual tickets, and they have reached out to the 3 notorious crime families of Chicagoland (the Bignoso’s, the Fibono’s, and the Rahmboni’s) to flood the streets with fake tickets so that poor and drug-addicted people come to Soldiers Fields, albeit bewildered, to fill some seats (see also, Democrat voting practices). This effort is not unusual and was actually implemented successfully in Champaigns, Illinoise last year before the hiring of prodigal son, Lovie Smith, was instituted to generate interest in college football teams west of Indiana. Uncomfortable silence (more than usual at Soldiers Fields) arose in one peculiar situation when legitimate ticket holders actually showed up for the game and homeless men were fornicating in their seats (Click on Link). Bears officials courageously addressed that incident by giving those season ticket holders their money back for that game and offered to buy back the rest of their tickets, less a customary 30% “re-stocking” fee. Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground The Underground’s take on the Ohio State game? We lost. That sucks, There are plenty of woulda should coulda's. That OT 3rd down run shoulda been right and not left to the short side. The refs had at least 4 unfavorable holding calls that coulda went the other way. The refs got the big calls right on the Clement fumble and the INT, but were out to lunch on holding calls. A couple non-holding calls gave the Buckeyes a free FG that was the game. There were also a couple phantom holding calls on us. Going back to the predictions, everything was pretty much as planned except Horny played like a true freshman. The running game was better but still not what we are used to seeing. The dropped passes diminished but that one by Steffes in the second half was a killer. Overall, Chryst called a great game. The D was BADASS, but were gassed in the second half when the O sputtered. Missing our 3rd CB Jamerson and Beigel cost us in this game…Watt spent too much time chasing down receivers. In the end, tOSU’s depth chart full of 5 star athletes prevailed, making great plays and flexing their athleticism. The Badgers are definitely a force to be reckoned with, though. Now it is on to Iowa for the fourth game of the brutal 5 game Big Ten gauntlet for the Badgers. This is a revenge game, as WI handed Iowa the West Division title stumbling & bumbling at Camp Randall last year. Our scouting shows that their QB is by far best punting QB in the country. Iowa quarterback CJ Beat Hard nailed a perfect pooch punt (Click on Link, but don’t expect chicks from Iowa to be hot) for 34 yards on a 4th down play against the Goofs. We’ll be in good shape with them regularly punting on 4th down. But we also need to watch out for the drop kick like they did against Ohio state, though. Pretty exciting stuff! The Iowa game has “let down” written all over it, but we don’t see this year’s Badgers team letting down for a game like this. Stay clear of the dropsies if the game is tight and everything is still in front of us. All games are must win and the Hawkeyes always play us tough regardless. They have accomplished nothing impressive this year. The O-line is rounding into shape. Look for break out running. The D may have Biegel and/or Jameson back. We have won there the last 4 times we were at Kinickinickanickernick. Look for a CORN ROAST! At a minimum, we should be looking at another Holiday Bowl unless Nebraska implodes. They play tOSU in Columbus the week after they play us. We pretty much have to win out, which is totally possible (pom poms waving!). We will sneak up and beat tOSU or the Weasels in the championship and land a Rose Bowl (or, dare we say Playoff?) berth at 10-2. This will all be decided on the field and we have that to be thankful for. We still refuse to look at rankings. Our power ranking beauty contest would have us just below Michigan and Ohio State based on the last 2 weeks head to head. We cannot comment on any other teams in the top 10 because we have not played them. Amen. We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game Aside from chanting the Bears still suck and pointing toward long-term sustained success (i.e. Championships), this one is gonna be a bit more of a challenge than usual! … no Lacy, no Starks, no Cook, no Adams, no Bulaga (well Starks & Adams out may be a plus) … no Shields, Rollins or Randall …an MVP Quarterback playing worse than a journeyman …Vic Fangio, the kryptonite of D-Coordinators for A-Rod …no, the reason we will be able to prevail over one of the Bottom 5 teams in the League is this guy: Nobody actually knows what his name is, but he kicked our ass in Preseason so Ted made his first trade since WWII and now he’s a Packer. He was something like 17th on the K-C Preseason Depth Chart, which makes him a big upgrade over Ripkowski and Montgomery. In unrelated news, John Kuhn has three rushing TD’s as a N.O. Saint. NO Shit! Rodgers and McCarthy undoubtedly will look to get into an offensive rhythm by running the new guy early and often. As McCarthy stated Monday, the West Coast offense, at its core, is designed to help make the quarterback successful. McCarthy went on to explain his goals for the Bears game: Goal No. 1: Learn the new guy’s name -and- Goal No. B: Try to figure out the field goal chart that Ron Zook gave him. The key-take-away is that it’s tough to kick field goals, and that Stenerud guy must have been pretty good to kick all those touchdowns. Try this out with that new driver. JB - Packer players you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them Whilst at the Packer game Sunday afternoon, I couldn’t help but notice the buzz about the VIP’s sitting in the luxury box roughly 20 rows behind me. Sure shit -- it was Brett and the boys from SB31. LeRoy, Free, Gabe, etc., and their wives / kids, too. I noticed Deanna first, but when the whole crowd turned to face them after Bill Jartz announced their presence in the VIP box, she slipped back out of sight. I get it. But it got me thinking about the game this Thursday night. Packers v. Bears. Black and Blue Division. Tough guys. Physical play. And that made me think of another guy from Brett’s town of Hattiesburg, Mississippi who used to play for the Packers when more guys were tough than talented and beating the Bears wasn’t so easy. Paul Ott is the son and namesake of a patriotic Mississippi hunting and fishing legend who hosted a regular TV and radio show called Listen to the Eagle (Click on Link). You can see young Paul running with his hound dog in episodes that his daddy recorded back in the 1970’s. Paul added-on his mother’s maiden name to his surname “Carruth” as a tribute to her when she died of cancer during his Junior year at Alabama, where he played for Bear Bryant in his last season as head coach. In his final collegiate season, Carruth received an invitation to the 1985 Senior Bowl in Mobile. “I got down there and Forrest Gregg was our coach,” Carruth said. “They have pro teams’ coaches, so the Green Bay staff was our coach that week. I got down there and coach Gregg came up to me that first day and he said, ‘I want you returning punts and kickoffs.’ He said, ‘You break tackles and generally that’s what you need on punts and kickoffs.’ I said, ‘Yes sir!’ I was just glad he knew who I was.” Carruth earned MVP of the Senior Bowl that year for his performance, which included a reception for a touchdown and a long punt return.
Following the Senior Bowl, Carruth signed with the Birmingham Stallions of the USFL for the 1985 season. The USFL folded the season after that, but Ott Carruth had made enough of an impression on the Green Bay Packers coaching staff to receive a call to come play for them. The 6-1, 220 lb. fullback played three seasons with the Packers (and one season with the Chiefs) for a total of 45 games with 22 starts before injuries pushed him out of football. In his rookie season, he had 442 all-purpose yards while receiving 12 starts and scoring four touchdowns for Green Bay. POC also ran into a tense situation early that 1st year, as the NFL only allowed teams to carry two quarterbacks on the active roster. “I had played quarterback in high school, got demoted to halfback in college, and got demoted to fullback in the pros,” Carruth joked. “They called me the emergency quarterback and I called myself the disaster quarterback because it was going to be a disaster if I had to play quarterback. The fourth game of the season, we were playing the Vikings. I had played on special teams, but I hadn’t played from scrimmage yet at fullback. Our quarterback gets a virus — I mean before the game he’s throwing up, he passes out in the locker room, he can’t even come out for warm-ups.” That forced Carruth to go through warm-ups at the quarterback position as the backup quarterback. Vince Ferragamo (the only Packer to don #5 since Paul Hornung had last worn it, and one time standout quarterback with the Rams), was the Packers regular backup and got the start. “He gets sacked and he goes one way, his helmet goes the other way and I’m sitting there, ‘Get up Vince! Get up!’ I was sitting there thinking my first play in the NFL from scrimmage is going to be at quarterback,” Carruth said. “He got up, went over there, put his helmet on, and went back in the huddle. The next series or so I got to go in at fullback and kind of moved on in to the starting role pretty quick and enjoyed it. It was quite an experience playing against guys you had watched growing up. One guy on our team — he was in the NFL when I was in the eighth grade. It’s quite different when you get to the pros.” Later in the season, Carruth actually hoped he would get a crack at playing quarterback. “We were playing Tampa and we were ahead a pretty good bit,” Carruth said. “I actually begged coach Gregg to let me go in and play quarterback. He said, “Nah, nah, nah. We’ve got to play these guys again later in the season. I don’t want to rub anything in.’ In ’87, I was the only player in the league to catch a touchdown, throw a touchdown and rush for a touchdown. So I did throw a touchdown pass.” These days Paul Ott Carruth, 55, enjoys being a wealthy oil magnate for McCullough Oil Company in Trussville, Alabama. And I thought he was just a tough, scrappy running back. They’re ba-ack. Jerry’s kids are back in town with a new-look offense! Ezekiel “Let’s go smoke some pot” (Click on Link) Elliott and Dak Prescott (is that backwards?) are churning out the yards in their rookie campaigns. Yeah, but they only beat the Bears (an automatic W), the Foreskins, the Bungles, and the Forty-whiners. They lost to the G-men, who we just beat. So the media darlings from Dallas come into Green Bay (4-1 @ 3-1), much to the delight of Fox’s advertising sales team and to the dismay of NBC’s (for getting Green Bay at home vs. Debate #2). One of these teams will lose and inevitably end up a 1-and-done Wild Card team, whereas the other will win and inevitably end up a 1-and-done Wild Card team. Mark Murphy will be happy and call it a successful year, Jerry Jones will be pissed and call it a successful year. Create a seam here - X' & O's about the game or a scheme So we are 3-1 and that’s a heck of a lot better than the reverse. Most power rankings have the Packers in the Top 10 and that’s a heck of a lot better than being in the Bottom 10. The Defense has played pretty well and is No. 1 in opponent’s yards/rush at 2.0 yards/attempt and is No. 1 in opponent’s rush-yards/game at 42.8. But are we a super-bowl bound team? Obviously it’s too early to tell, but the running D is certainly a good sign. As Coach has tried to explain over-and-over again, it’s a lot easier to win if you score more points than the other team. And on that measure we are “OK”, currently ranked 11th in Net Points per game. The “however” is that we have beaten three bad teams with negative point differentials, and we were two lucky bounces away from getting blown out by the #2 St. Paul Purple Muscle Eaters. Our next two games are at Lambeau against a good Ft. Worth Beltbuckles team and a very, very bad Chicago team. Almost makes you feel sorry for the Bea….ahh never mind, in the famous words of Jim Krueger of Manitowoc’s own Happy Schnapps Combo: “The Bears still suck, the Bears still suck, the Bears still suck, the Bears still suck They really really really really really really suck Yes the Bears...Still...Suck!” How’d I get on that tangent? Oh yeah, the point is that we’ve beaten 3 crappy teams and lost to the only good team we’ve faced. It will be interesting to see the No. 5 rushing team, the Dallas Cowpies, at 4.6 yds/attempt, face the Packers No. 1 Rushing D. Even more interesting, we are going to see our 29th ranked passing attack (6.3 yds/attempt) against Dallas’ 18th ranked passing D. Maybe A-Rod will stick it to the Cowboys this weekend. A cuppla weeks back I talked about the “hidden yards” in each game (the net yardage gained and lost that doesn’t easily show up on the stat sheet but has a large impact on where teams start each drive). Coach walked out of the Giants game thinking, “jeesh, we’re lucky that Eli sucked worse than Aaron or weeda got kilt, hey?” So Coach dug a little deeper into why he had that impression and why he talks about himself in the 3rd person, and frankly the result makes it shocking that we’ve won three games. Hang with me here (Coach loves brightly colored and confusing spreadsheets, so no exception here)… The first table below shows our average offensive yards/game and that of our opponents, as well as how they rank vs. the rest of the league. The net is that we are averaging 4 ½ yards/game better and, tah-dah, this means we are very average at No. 17. But hold on a minute, you say, what about “hidden yards?” The table above shows that our opponents’ 40 drives in 2016 have an average starting position at the 31.4-yardline versus our average starting position of the 25.7-yardline on our 42 drives. This means that on average we “start” 44.3 yards “behind” per game, before you even get to how well Aaron or Mike Daniels do in a game. Add in our +4.5 Off/Def yards/game and we are net 40 yards behind per game. Just digest that for a moment and think about what that means… …with the new touchback rule, most drives after kickoff are starting at the 25-yardline. So for the Pack, the net negative 40 yards is like giving the opposing team one drive that starts at our 35-yardline in each and every game! (100 yd. field – (25 yd. start + 44 net neg/gm)). For cripes sake, it’s amazing we wonned anee games aweready. So why in the name of Billy Bush are we giving up so much hidden yardage? 1. We are No. 26 in net yards/punt….our punter, Jakob Shankem is among the worst in the league. He absolutely sucks. He’s like the Chicago Bears of punters. Because McCarthy is more interested in getting recognized for clever strategy than the results (or lack thereof) it actually produces, he will stubbornly defend Schum’s roster spot for 2 more games until Ted overrules. Ironically, Schum’s last game as a Packer will be against the Bears! We have a couple of options to replace him: 1.a) Determine if Tim Mastay has stayed in shape or has put on 15 "working" down at the local Buffalo Wildwings 1.b) Sign a High School Punter, like Senior Evan Legassy from Florida, who has better hang time and better net punting stats than Jake Scum. 2. We don’t stay in our lanes on kick-off returns. Ask any HS Football Coach, heck, ask any Middle School Volleyball Coach in Wisconsin, and they will tell you the number one factor in successful kickoff coverage is “lane discipline”. At the pro-level it’s getting a bit more complicated now-a-days with fancy Chris Krosses and what not, but the basics are very simple. 2.a) Kicker lines up team and counts that there are 10 guys (oops, 11, gotta count myself) 2.b) Kicker runs up to ball and drives his toe thru to the laces on the other side of the ball (OK, nobody has kicked that way for 30 years, but you get the idea with Garo Yepremian; BTW, 25% of Coach really admires Garo’s sense of hirsute style) 2.c) Now here’s the tricky part ---- run straight down the field in a 5-6 yard-wide “lane” ---- yes Johnny, run STRAIGHT down the field. The Pack suffered mightily in the late 90’s and early 2000’s with hotshots on the outside who always cheated to the inside, inevitably giving up 2 or 3 big returns a game to when the returners made a move to the outside. Give Ron Zook, Packers Special Teams Coach and former failure at Illinois, a little bit of credit. We had good net punting results the last couple of years with Mastay punting, primarily because of Janis’ speed and cover skills. Kickoff coverage has been in the top-half of the league, due to good directional/distance accuracy by Mason Crosby and good lane discipline by the cover teams. For what-ever reason, though, so far this year we have struggled with kick-off returns right up the middle. Scheme wise we haven’t changed, and the opposition hasn't done anything too tricky…we just need to “stay in our lane” and tackle the guy with the ball. Pretty much every kick return we’ve had our speed guys make contact with the returner between the 10 and 15-yard lines, but then the others in the middle get out of position and reach with arm tackles that are easily broken. WTF - The Coach's take on a bad ref call or a bad play call or the like I heard you say it Sunday night… “Why aren’t they running Eddie Lacy more?” It seems like every time he gets lathered up, McCarthy pulls him out and they go pass-crazy. Eddie ran 11 times for 81 yards before he hurt his ankle on his last run of the night. Coach has figured out Eminem’s strategy: whatever works well in the first half, stop doing it in the 3rd quarter because we don’t want to become predictable. Instead, go 3-and-out 7 or 8 times in a row by dropping Aaron back 7 steps (to let defenders catch up and cover receivers), have him scramble around and ignore open receivers underneath (see also, West Coast offense), and then punt the ball 29 yards down the field. For all the creative play calling in the 1st quarter, MM sure mismanaged the rest of the game starting about the time he pulled his workhorse out when the Giants became completely disinterested in tackling him. Adding insult to injury… Eddie Lacy hosted a VIP Bowling Night at The Gutter in Suamico to raise funds for Freedom House, which serves homeless families in Brown County. Lacy said when he first heard of the cause, he fell in love with it. "I myself and my family and a bunch of other people had to go through Hurricane Katrina and you know, I had no house, so I had to fall back on hard times." Guests bowled for prizes and had the chance to mingle with their favorite players. That’s cool and all, but when asked about how he was able to bowl less than 24 hours after he left the Giants game with a sprained ankle, Eddie said “Uh, you know, I kinda forgot about that stuff and, you know.” He then giggled and added, “It’s really hard to walk today, but mostly cause, you know, Starks dropped his ball on it landed on my other foot. Heh-heh.” Against Coach’s better judgment, he’s putting A-Rod on the WTF watchlist. He has the 31st best completion percentage in the league (note: there are only 32 teams in the NFL). In the last 16 games, Rodgers had a total of five passer ratings less than 70. It took him 46 games as a starter to compile his first five passer ratings that low. This year’s average passer rating is his lowest (87.7) and is 5 points lower than last year’s. All Aaron’s fault? Nah (see also, Dropsy Nelson, Duh-vante Adams not being “set” at the snap that nullified Cobb’s TD, Richard Rodgers drop in the end zone, etc.)…all of which would have given him a passer rating over 100 against NYG. Mostly Aaron’s fault? Yeah (see also, film of wide open Packers receivers on short routes underneath being ignored in lieu of a long balls to tightly covered wide outs). Take what they give you, Aaron, or you will be bookended by Bretts before Wild Card weekend ... if McCarthy decides to grow a pair. Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof The Bears compiled 522 yards of offense against the Colts (one of the worst D’s in football) on Sunday, and STILL LOST. That’s right, they lost again. …and this time WITHOUT Jay Cutler! THAT’s impressive. Maybe they’re worse than I thought (if that’s possible)? Bears head coach (for the time being), John Fox, told media outlets this week “We don’t have a plan” for when Jay Cutler returns from his thumb injury. Cutler briefly returned to practice on a limited basis September 28, but since has been shut down and the Bears have repeatedly declined to put a timetable on returning from his “injury.” Their marked improvement in offensive production has been pungent since Cutler left the field, even though the Bears can’t seem to turn that production into victories yet (no surprise). Prior to getting hurt, Cutler threw 1 touchdown and had 3 interceptions in seven quarters of action, which on average is his career best. Kudos to Jay, though, for staying in shape while he rests his thumb -- running track events to work his legs out in the interim, which sets a good example as the leader of his team's offense. Oh, and have you heard the new Chicago Bears Fight Song!? (Click on Link) Hey, that’s pretty good! Glad to learn you FIB's have seen the light. And you correctly used the oft-confused word “lie.” Coach understands that FIB’s pronounce words a certain way (incorrectly) in Illinoise, but hey that’s just the quaint local accent. Shoot, even some cheeseheads have a slight hint of an accent (Click on Link). So when you say the word “lay” it sorta sounds like you are saying “lie.” I can forgive that. But I must say that I am overtly impressed with your correct writing of the verb “lie” (used without an object) as opposed to the verb “lay” (used with an object). They are completely different things. …and thank heavens you didn’t use the noun form of the word lie, as that would just be silly. For less studious observers, Coach provides examples below. The person on the left is tired, and he is going to “lie” down. The person in the middle is horny, and he is going to “lay” the amorous chick he is with. The person on the right is guilty of abandoning 4 Americans that were surrounded and murdered by radical Islamic terrorists in Libya, and she is going to tell us a “lie” about it. By the way, if you tour abroad, use your American accent to tour a broad. As it turns out, chicks in other countries think men with American accents are very sexy because we sound like movie stars to them. Kinda how you think a British woman (like the Garmin GPS map lady) is super-hot because of the sound of her voice (until you see her crooked teeth, pale skin, and her bony frame supported by swollen cankles). I recommend southern Europe for you to test Coach’s theory out. Good luck, and you’re welcome. Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground This week’s Planned Parenthood “Keys to the Game” for beating Ohio State are pretty simple:
As you know by now, Badger Underground is totally against using the rankings for anything at all except maybe for bragging rights. They should be kind of like the NFL Power rankings which we are sure NONE of you look at (Click on Link). Anyway, we cannot help ourselves. Bucky moves up 3 slots without playing. WHOO HOO! This fantastic turn of events is due to the ‘Canes missing an extra point against Florida State, Houston losing deplorably to Navy, and Tennessee losing to Texas A&M. With the bye week gone, we move on from our bout in the Big House with the Weasels and Mr. Khakipants, back to Camp Randall for a showdown with the Russian-backed Buckeyes and their leader, Urban al-Assad. Indiana showed us the key to beating these guys and gave us plenty of hope by hanging tough for the better part of last week’s game. Based on this, Badger Underground is projecting a blow out of epic proportions. We are certain fellow pom pom wavers will agree with us as we survey them while downing our Spotted Cow’s during the pre-game on Breese Terrace. Experts are saying our running game will keep the ball out of Barret’s hands. Oggie and Clement will have gaping holes to prance through. The dropped passes will miraculously stop. Hornibrook will not look like the freshman that he is. The D will be BADASS as usual and be forcing fumbles all day. Oh, yes you may say Ohio State is really good. They are OK. They may even be almost as good as Bucky, but not this Saturday and not in Madtown. This will go down as a big upset, but it is not. This will be the third top ten team we have beaten this year. These Buckeyes are not who everyone thinks they are. Plus, this weekend we have our secret weapon... (Click on Link). We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game It’s relatively simple, we now have the Preseason of September behind us and now we can play, Coach predicts at 24-17 Packers win with:
JB - Packer players you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them Travis Jervey was a product of Coach Dickie Dingle’s Wando Warriors at the Citadel, and was the 4th fastest guy at the 1995 Combine when he ran a 4.3 Forty. He averaged 7.7 yards per carry his Sr. year at the Citadel and at 6 feet, 220 pounds with a 400-lb bench press he sparked the interest of Ron Wolf. (Coach doesn't like to brag, but he once ran a half-marathon and, sorta like Travis Jervey, Coach has 200+ pounds on his 6' frame and can half-bench 400 lbs ... down.) Ron drafted Jervey in the fifth round in 1995 and in one of his bigger mistakes, he passed on drafting “the college fumbler” Terrell Davis. Davis, a future MVP running back, killed the Pack in SB XXXII. Travis played 9 seasons in the NFL, the first four with the Pack and then SF and Hotlanta. Infamously being one of the fastest ball carriers to bounce off of his linemen's backside, alas his career as a running back was rather pedestrian. He had 503 yards on 129 carries and 2 TD’s. But! He also had 4 fumbles on 26 carries with the Pack which caused Mike Holmgren to use him very sparingly in the backfield. He finished his career as the 9,949th ranked running back since 1960 with 60.8 fantasy points (or so, as I recall). Make no mistake -- Travis Jervey is one interesting character. Just two other players in professional football appear to have had a legacy of three generations in the sport. George Pyne III, who is Travis’s age, is the third generation of his family to play. Clay Matthews III, is also a third generation pro-football family, so load that up in your NFL trivia gun -- the Pack had 2 of the 3 “three-generations-in-pro-football” families. As a Packer, Jervey lived with fellow pedestrian running back LeShon Johnson, who grew up riding bulls in amateur rodeos and kept 18 pit bulls as pets in Green Bay. So Johnson didn’t flinch when Jervey pursued a newspaper ad for a female mountain lion ("cougar" to the lay person). They split the $1,000 cost and picked up the declawed cub at the airport. They named her Nala, after a character from “The Lion King.” After Nala took a chunk of flesh out of Jervey’s arm he was encouraged by Mike Holmgren to "donate" the cub to a zoo. Not to distract you from Fox 11's Good Day Wisconsin weekly visit to the N.E.W. Zoo, but Jervey also purportedly had pet alligators and a python named Cruz. So what to do with a strong, fast guy with no wiggle (see also, Jeff Janis)? He never played special teams in college, but excelled when the Packers asked him to cover kickoffs and punts, which helped salvage his career. “I was just like, ‘This is easy,’” he said. “There’s no pressure. There’s no fumbling.” In the Super Bowl following the 1996 season, Jervey laid one of the first blocks that sprung Desmond Howard’s 99-yard kickoff return touchdown, as the Packers beat the Patriots in Numero 31. In 1997, Jervey made his only Pro Bowl and in 1999 he signed a 4-year free agent contract with the 49ers worth $6 million. Home-Opener 2002, Coach decided to take his then 13-year old daughter, decked out in her #42 Sharper jersey, to her 2nd ever Packer game. The Pack had struggled with Special Teams coverage units the year prior so on the opening kick-off Coach tried to explain the beauty and intricacies of Kick-Off coverage to said daughter. Unfortunately, she was struggling with the bright September sun directly in her eyes and so didn’t see much, but heard her father cussing up and down as Allen Rossum (who had just been signed away from the Packers) returned the opening K.O. about 40 yards…primarily because the Outside-Contain broke down…”they didn’t stay in their gol darn lanes”. (Do you see a pattern emerging here?)
After Atlanta scored early in the 2nd, Coach was not to be deterred and he pointed out to daughter that the former Packer Travis Jervey would stay in his lane on the ensuing kick. “Watch this, you’ll really find it interesting.” She was enthralled and immediately asked, “is that the guy with the lion?” and went back to covering her face from the sun with zero apparent interest in the game. After the kick, Mr. Travis returned to the bench area immediately in front of us and was surrounded by three trainers holding towels. From his head and shoulder movement Coach initially thought that perhaps he was making equipment adjustments to cope with “having had the wind knocked out of him”, until a very healthy stream of human urine emerged from below the towels. Upon return to our domicile Coach overheard daughter’s response to mother’s question about how she enjoyed the game: “the best part was the guy with the lion who pee’d behind the bench.” In an effort to make more money, the Village of Ashwaubenon (aka “Green Bay”) secretly lobbied NFL officials for a 3rd round bye and 2 road games to start the 2016 season so that the Milwaukee crowd would spend like drunk sailors during the weekend of the Giants game. You see, the so called “Gold Package” games are the tickets originally designated for season ticket holders at the now-razed Milwaukee County stadium. Bob Harlan and Packers Board of Directors decided that those tickets holders would get the 2nd and 5th home game in Lambeau each year (with a “bonus” / penalty of having to also buy the 1st home preseason game ticket). This tradition has been a financial bonanza for the local taverns, retail shops and hotels on the 2nd and 5th home game weekends (and less so for the 1st preseason home game). And this year, with the 2nd game being a Sunday night event, our fan friends following 43 from Franklin will be spending an extra night at the Fairfield Inn. With the new Lodge Kohler hotel opening soon across from Lambeau, Coach expects many more of these financially convenient game schedules to occur each year from now on. Pure genius, Lloyd. Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme Hmmmm … what to watch, Packers v. Giants or Donald v. Hillary, Round 2? Unlike last time, I’m pretty sure America will be tuned into the match up on the grid iron. Monday Night Football, Saints v. Falcons, brought in only 8 million viewers as it was scheduled at the same time as the 1st presidential debate. That is the lowest MNF audience ever. Ever! In contrast, over 80 million people watched the debate, and it turns out 99.99999% of them regretted it. Are you ready for some football?... As Coach accurately reported last week, Aaron R looked much better in Week 3 against the Lions, planting his front foot on 63.7% of his passes compared to 47.26% over the previous 14 games. And Coach is excited to report that AR is likely to continue to improve…and has proof why! In documents purloined from the U.S. Government A.L.L. (Alternate-Lifeform-Lab) in Roswell, N.M. it has been revealed that Aaron Charles Rodgers is actually an experimental war droid. The droid was conceived to throw intermediate range concussive devices and released to the NFL for prototype optimization. The very rare photo below of a DARPA technician adjusting Rodgers during a TV timeout was captured late in the 4th quarter during the Week 2 Vikings game. The documents go on to reveal that DARPA plans to set Rodgers front-plant-foot-setting to 90% for the rest of 2016, so we should be in good shape from here on out. And you were worried. In unrelated news, Coach has denied accusations that he jumped-the-shark (look it up). The D will get better, too – we certainly hope anyway. (as if you read other publications…) Local bald newspaper sports hack and part-time 1265 suck-up Pete Dougherty points out that the Packers are again the youngest team in the league (yawn) and amazingly played 7 rookies on D against the Kitty Kats in Week 3 because of injuries to Matthews, Burnett, Shields, Datone Jones, Guion and also the suspension of Pennel. Thank God someone did a story on that! One can only assume the D will get better over the coming weeks as the injuries heal and the abnormally high numbers of starting rookies get more experienced. [Coach saves that line and republishes it in Week 5 every year.] We all love to have a look at the Power Rankings each week to see where we stack up against the rest of the NFL. I know, I know -- they don’t mean a damned thing, but Coach still looks at it! Last week we explored the important concept of scoring more points than the other team as being a critical element of winning games. Our current 2-1 record projects to an 11-5 record…but our offensive points scored and defensive points allowed predict a 9-7 Season. To be fair it is early in the 2016 season and again this year we have the youngest team in the league, so we have a lot of room to move upward…but Coach don’t like being mediocre and that’s what it is so far. Other folks, who are smarter than you, and who frankly have too much time on their hands (like guys who write lengthy blogs into the late evening hours for no pay in the hopes that the coupla dozen guys that usually read it continue to do so even if the Dumb and Dumber quotes are wearing thin), have done lots of mathematical ciphering and guzinta’s on the correlation between scoring more points than the opposition. Coach will spare you the details of the "Pythagorean expectation" (Click on Link), but can’t wait to share a few observations about the Pack under the M-T-M Legume Regime:·
WTF - The Coach's take on a bad ref call or a bad play call or the like Coach was musky fishing all day Saturday (hint: soak a sucker out the back of your boat when you’re casting in case a big girl follows your bucktail … she might go for that oily rough fish if she’s too shy to bite on your figure 8), so I watched the Badger game on the radio while retrieving double cowgirls and untangling bird’s nests. For those of us blessed enough to get to listen to Matt Lepay on the Learfield Sports radio network, it’s better than coverage on TV. (Same goes for his play-by-play of Badgers basketball games.) Lepay describes the plays so well, you’re afraid to watch it on TV because you might miss something (plus, no Michigan / Notre Dame / tOSU / SEC major network bias). …He’s a straight shooter – good or bad for Bucky, he calls it like it is. So, when he says TJ Watt was held twice on key 3rd down conversions during Michigan’s 11-play, 77-yard drive that spanned 4:41 in the middle of the 1st half, there’s no doubt in my mind that was the case. In my mind I pretended to hear Mr. Lepay exclaim “WTF refs!” over the speakers. One wonders how things would have turned out if UM went scoreless on every drive in the 1st half. That said, UM’s kicker did miss a couple of gimme FG’s plus a 3rd opportunity, so that kinda makes up for it. (Not really.) Also, Coach would rather see a missed call than a mistake call that is so bad the ref has no business being on the field. (Actually, Coach will stand for neither.) Badger wins matter, but if we’re gonna lose 1 or 2 games… doing so to a top 4 team, on the road, in the opposite division, ain’t so bad. In fact, we could face Michigan again in the Big Ten championship game in Indy this year – beat them, and go to the playoff final four. Then again, we could beat them in the Big Ten championship game, and NOT get invited to the playoff in lieu of both Michigan and Ohio State. Stay tuned for that WTF. BTW, Matt Lepay graduated from Ohio State. Huh, that’s weird. During the bye week, Coach had opportunity to study up on NFL film footage from around the league. Recall Packers players will no longer don the backpack microphone (WTF?) because it caused Randall Cobb a collapsed lung in the divisional playoff game last year, so I focused mostly on chatter from players and coaches on other teams in order to see and share what this year’s football trends will be on the field. Here are the team recordings (Click on Link) that I spliced together to get you up to speed quickly. Pretty cool stuff. And now you know how Coach gets much of his sagacious football wisdom. The Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof Holy crap, the Bears won a game! 17-14 against the Lions. It’s true. Look it up. That means a perfect storm of 3 things congruently coalesced conveniently for Cutler: (1) he did not play; (2) Chicago faced one of the worst teams in football, at home; and (3) the opponent turned the ball over several times leaving the Bears in scoring position. Yes, all that played out, allowing the team from Shitcago to squeeze out a victory turd. Noteworthy, the Bears narrowly escaped losing 7 in a row to the feeble Lions, perhaps screwing up their only chance at consistency. At this rate they’ll be 4-12 or, what Bears fans call, “a winning season.” Bears head coach John Fox learned late this week, though, that last year’s 1st round pick, WR Kevin White – who missed all of his rookie season due to an injury, is out for the rest of this year, too (broken fibula). Determined to not let that drag the team down farther (if that is even possible), Fox reflected on the perfect Bears storm and confirmed that Jay Cutler will not be taking another snap as a Bear. That’s bad news for us, potentially. Maybe they’ll turn things around? Maybe they found the silver bullet? …but after further review of John Fox’s comments following the game, there’s probably no need to worry: "The problem in the first three games was that we didn't execute for 60 minutes. It helps when you do that." That’s right up there with Buccaneers former head coach John McKay’s quote when asked about his team’s execution; he said, “I’m for it.” By the way, if you’re the jackass with the lavender/beige-ish colored Ram 2500 (Is that your girlfriend's truck?) who was parked next to me and backed out into my truck at the Buffalo Wild Wings on Oneida Street this week, you’re a piece of shit for that hit and run, you dickless douche bag. My son was with me (we shared the garlic fried mushrooms, he gets the traditional wings with honey BBQ and I get the boneless medium-hot buffalo with a Sam Adams Oktoberfest, FWIW) and he asked if I thought it was a drunk that hit us. I explained it was a drunk from Illinois. He said, how do you know that? I told him it was obvious:
Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground The Badgers hanged tough and beat the spread versus the weasels. Hanging tough and losing close games to favored opponents doesn’t cut it anymore, though, like it used to during the Dave McClain or Steve Yoder eras. Last year’s giveaway to Iowa and takeaway versus Northwestern messed up what should have been a much more memorable regular season. Badger Underground could sense late in the 1st quarter against Michigan that we were going to lose. UM looked like the better team and was beginning to gash our defense. Why did Michigan look like the better team? In part because we killed our own drives early, late and throughout the game by dropping easily catchable passes like a 6th grade youth football team. Then the defense put on a show for the remainder of the game, marred only by dropped interceptions and a well-executed pass & catch late to put MI up 14-7. TJ Watt stepped up and showed that he was not just riding the coattails of offenses having to game plan around minimizing Vince Biegel’s disruptive play. Dooley settled down and put in a strong three quarters. WI’s defense played bad-ass physical, laying the wood frequently. Yes, Michigan missed three FG’s which would have changed the game. Two of the attempts, however, were ill-gotten. The first followed a couple of dropped interceptions, the second of which probably would not have gone for 100 yards the other way. The third followed a bad call on a punt for knocking down the upright center and a phantom defensive holding penalty which instead should have been an offensive holding penalty. WI blew an opportunity to go up 14-7 as Hornibrook Bart Houstoned a pass over the head of a wide open Jazz Peavey. And Bucky’s final drive ended with a Wheelright drop, a Fumagalli drop and an underthrown ball to Rushing. The defender had his left arm wrapped around Rushing as he rode him away from the ball. There’s no way we should expect to get that call on the road with an underthrown pass and an athletic one-hand interception catch. Had Rushing made more of an effort to come back to the ball, the story might be a bit different. Again, it needs to be reiterated that this is the third straight year of sub-par receiver play. Lack of speed, lack of separation and too many drops have cost us some big wins. Erickson failed to get much separation last year and the year before, but he did not drop the ball like Wheelright and Peavey do. Hopefully, one or two of the talented freshmen emerge in the coming weeks—preferably against tOSU. Hornibrook looked like a talented redshirt freshman QB. The backup center and RG were beaten often by a talented UM front 7, causing rushed and inaccurate throws. Harbaugh sent blitzes often. Had the drops not began in the first quarter and we made them pay for blitzing, another defender would have stayed back, our offense would have stayed on the field longer and we would have had more of a running game. Michigan had no respect for our receivers and blitzed away while we couldn’t beat single coverage. Though it pains Badger Underground to do so, we must admit that Michigan is a talented, well-coached team on both sides of the ball. There is talent everywhere on the field. I do take satisfaction, however, in Peppers and Butt being taken out of making big plays to beat us. More importantly, however, our cheerleaders are much better looking than those varmints across the pond… Looking past this weekend’s bye, we take on Ohio State, a surprisingly weak Iowa team, an overrated Nebraska squad and some potential letdown games against mediocre teams. Though our secondary has performed much better than expected in our three big games, Ohio State could light them up. This is a game where we will miss Jamerson, the speedy 3rd CB. Unfortunately, he and Biegel likely will not return until the following week. Our best hope is that inexperience on tOSU OL allows us to disrupt their passing game. For the first time since the Akron game, we should have all the starters back on our OL. Find a way to win tOSU game, and everything is on the table--including a potential playoff berth. Lose this game, we could still end up in the Big Ten championship game if we run the table. There is no way that the Cornholers, with their rock-skipping passing game, are going to beat us in Madison or tOSU in Columbus. The Hogeyes are a mess and playing them at their place doesn’t worry the Badger Underground like it used to. We often find a way to lose at Evanston, but I don’t see that happening again this year. Fingers crossed. We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game Weather report: New York will be directly in the path of Hurricane Matthews come Sunday night. Related, a tropical storm will begin riding up the mid-Atlantic seaboard by Wednesday and could impart significant damage to residential dwellings that it leaves in its wake. There will be no safe haven for the Giants this weekend. The Packers and Giants have a long and storied tradition. The Mara family (current owners) formed the N.Y. football Giants in 1925. Following the tradition of the day in bigger cities, the Giants adopted the name of the local baseball team (NY Giants, Pittsburgh Pirates, etc.). Almost immediately a rivalry developed, with the Giants from the biggest city in the league and Packers from the smallest city. That’s amazing if you consider the record of the Packers, who were always on the brink of financial collapse during the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s.
However, over the last 20 years the Giants are 5-4 against the Packers, including the agonizing Playoff losses in 2007 and 2011. (Note – while the Ice Bowl and the 1997 NFC Championship games were officially colder; Coach has never felt as frozen as at the 2007 minus 1 degree game when you-know-who-dumbass-gunslinger threw an OT INT in the direction of the only receiver that wasn't wide open on that play, leading to the loss. (What’s happened? It used to the #4 F’ng it up in the playoffs, but now it’s the D!) There are some reasons we could lose the game on Sunday. Of course, none of them make sense so you’ll probably hear about them ad nauseum on TV pregame hype shows. Pay attention for these gems:
What will have an effect Sunday night? Well, we’ve had time to heal. The Giants will be playing on a short week, having to travel across the time zone twice in two consecutive weeks. The Giants have consistently self-destructed via the yellow flag this year, and teams don’t typically flip a switch to turn that off. Coach is predicting a 10+ point win for the Pack, we will be comfortably ahead the entire game and in the 2nd half we will have two INT’s to seal the deal. Let’s hope it’s a memorable game. Speaking of which… Remember 12 years ago (almost to the day), when Brett Favre got concussed against the Giants at Lambeau and threw a TD he didn’t remember? Coach took his mom to her first-ever game, sitting in the South EZ “Brown County” seats. Mom, a life-long Packer fan who unfortunately lives in Bear country, was delighted with her first game at Lambeau at age 72. What most people remember is that Brett was concussed in the 3rd Q by Giants DL William Joseph. Brett went staggering to the sideline and 2nd string back-up QB, and now Philly Head Coach Doug Pederson, came onto the field and began to call the next play in the huddle. A confused Pederson looked up to see Brett trotting back onto the field. Remember now, this was 2004 and the concussion protocol consisted of smelling salts, tape and a little bit of analgesics inside the jock strap, so Brett grabbed his helmet from the trainer and ran back into the game. Poor confused Doug looked at the sideline, shrugged and ran back off. Naturally, Super-Man chucked a TD pass to Javon Walker on 4th & 5 and then ran off the field where he stayed for the remainder of the game. (Ironically, Javon cannot correctly add 4 and 5.) After the game Brett had no recollection of the TD or much of anything else about the game. Alas, Pederson finished 7 of 17 for 86 yards with an interception. Before we depart this stroll down memory lane and the reasons why we’re gonna beat the Giants Sunday night, Coach would be remiss not to offer you a helpful tip as you play the game of life... If you’re gonna have kids, make sure you don’t use Giants WR’s names for your boys. For example, what young lad would be proud to say “Here!” during attendance when the teacher calls out “Amani?” or “Odell?” or “Tavarres?” Not that “Dvante” is a strong northeastern Wisconsin / western European name that gets beckoned at dawn for milking the cows, but it certainly glides off the tongue better than “Plaxico” doesn’t it? Shoot, around these parts, name your kid “Hakeem” and he might get killed. Remember these former Giants receivers?... Ramses Barden, Thabiti Davis, Omar Douglas, Edwin Lovelady (Coach’s personal favorite, just because of the surname), Mario Manningham, Sinorice Moss, Jamaar Taylor, Odessa Turner, Steve Smith (just kidding on that one). Try it … say the first name of a Giants wide receiver out loud, and then say your name last after it. Pretty stupid, huh? You’re welcome. JB - Packer players you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them Thinking about a cuppeltree guys that were both Packers and Giants… Robert Calvin “Cal” Hubbard was twice a New York football Giant, book ending his distinguished career as a Green Bay Packer between 1929 and 1936. As an amazing fact, Cal Hubbard is the only person to be enshrined in both the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the Baseball Hall of Fame. (Not Jim Thorpe, not George Halas, not Deion Sanders, not Bo Jackson, not even Tim Tebow.) He is also a member of the College Football Hall of Fame (playing football at both Centenary College and Geneva College). Not too shabby. Much like Coach, Cal Hubbard was not a fan of big cities -- he didn't feel comfortable in New York and a 1928 road game in Green Bay led him to request a trade to the Packers, threatening to retire otherwise. As a Packer, Hubbard and the team won the NFL title in each of his first three years there (1929–1931). Head coach Curly Lambeau had Hubbard play in the line -- ending his days as a linebacker, and the 1929 team surrendered just 22 points. The NFL named its first official All-League team in 1931 with Cal Hubbard being one on that inaugural list. He was chosen for the honor again in 1932 and 1933. After football, Cal was an umpire in the American League (AL) from 1936 to 1951 until a friend shot him in the eye with a BB gun (your mother was right!), when he then became relegated to being an umpire supervisor until he retired in 1969. Kinda like your boss, who was probably put in that position because he sucked at what you are doing reasonably well, but kissed enough ass and had no problem firing people his boss didn’t like or know very well. Cal was a country boy at heart, growing up in rural Missouri and returning there in retirement until having to move to an even warmer climate for health reasons. Before dying of emphysema in St. Petersburg, FL he tutored promising talent (Click on Link) including the likes of both Keith Hernandez and Dave Parker. Probably the best player acquisition from the Giants was Don Chandler. He began his Pro career on the 1956 NFL champion New York Giants and ended it on the 1967 Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers. In between he was one of the best punters and place-kickers of his era (note we said best player acquisition, not best player). Chandler was part of two pro football dynasties: the Giants of the late-50’s/early-60’s and on the 1965, ’66 and ‘67 Packers teams which were champions in Lombardi’s final three years. Over his 12-year career, he played in a whopping 9 championship games, including the overtime classic at Yankee Stadium in 1958, and the Ice Bowl nine years later. He’s perhaps best remembered for one crucial kick in 1965 that many, including Chandler, thought he missed. It remains the most controversial field goal in NFL history and the cause of the extension of the goal posts from 10 feet to 20 feet above the cross bar and the placement of two officials under the uprights for FG attempts. Leaving the best for last, the coaching acquisition of Vincent T. Lombardi -- who came from, you guessed it, the NY Giants! The NY Giants dynasty of the late 50’s had two of the best-ever coordinators, Vince Lombardi as Offensive Coordinator and Tom Landry as Defensive Coordinator (yes, he of Cowboy pride and bigot prejudice). The link below will take you to an excellent documentary on Vince’s life and the path that led him to the Head Coach position in GB. It’s interesting that the primary reason we got him was racism. The Mara’s, upstanding NY WASP’s, couldn’t fathom having an Italian Catholic as head of their team. So, despite the fact that the Mara’s recognized his superior talent, they released him to take a head coaching position that they couldn’t offer. Lombardi was not a social reformer, but he was a fierce defender of all of his players, particularly African-American players who faced discrimination. He went as far as refusing to play exhibition games in the South where his black players would not be allowed in white hotels. Watch the documentary and you’ll be even more proud of Your---Green---Bay---Packers!
A Football Life: Lombardi (Click on Link) |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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