After foregoing his celestial powers, our hero Armlord breaks his collarbone and relies on his left hand and the rest of the Guardians to protect Green Bay from evil doers in the North Division. Watch as his rogue band of rejects and misfits scramble to revive their chances for a playoff berth. Can they do it? Watch this trilogy finale to find out! -- Guardians of the Tundra Vol. 3, a Lee Stan production. Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! Create a seam here – X’s and O’s about the game or a scheme You may recall Coach’s prediction: “… that we play perfectly on Defense & Special Teams, and, Hundley is “serviceable”. Trust Coach, he sees all in advance…kinda. We got close ta winnin’, much like the Matt-Flynn-moral-victory over the Patriots in 2010 (Pats edged the Green Bay Packers 31-27). Mark Murphy had this to say after the game “I thought the fellas played well again tonight, you can’t expect them to win every week, it’s not realistic. I think I will put an extra $10 bill in every participation trophy”. Hundley had his best game as a pro and was much more than “serviceable” (17/26, 245 yds, 3 TD, 0 Int, 134.3 rating). And, the Defense had three turnovers! You would think with three TO’s we’d have killed them on Defense, but you know better than that. As the chart above shows, the headline is that Hundley scored 28, a full TD better than McCarthy’s “non-Rodgers-average.” However, the Steelers Offense simply overwhelmed the Packers Defense and scored 31 vs. the 28.9 “non-Rodgers-average.” So just like every year since Dom Capers took over as D-Coordinator in 2009, we had a very poor defensive game. The Defensive collapse started after the opening kickoff, which the Stillers returned to their 41. Pittsburgh ran and passed at will and 12 plays later they were in the end zone. Eminem says he doesn’t like stats…the chart below shows why. Aside from being plus-3 on turnovers we got our asses handed to us the entire game. The Packers took the 2nd Half KO and scored, taking a 21-14 lead. On the ensuing drive on 2nd & 17 at the 49, Ahmad Brooks tipped a Roethlisberger pass and Martinez came down with it. The Pack made it to the 31 and promptly went backwards to the 39. In a play that turned the game, McCarthy went for the 57-yard field goal, which went wide left. To be fair to Crosby, the snap was high and right to from Goode to Vogel and the timing was off. In a heavy weight fight like this one was, the obvious thing to do is to punt (at least to Coaches name Lambeau, Lombardi, Holmgren and Scooter McClean). So, no surprise, 6 plays and 53 yards later the Steelers had tied the game at 21. Not wanting to be left out, Special Teams made an important contribution to losing as well. Holding on Ripkowski on one 3rd Qtr punt … and … a killer face mask penalty (Guess who? Yes, Josh Jones!) gave Pittsburgh great field position and another TD. Let’s throw in a 3-and-out, and stupid time management (RB running out of bounds instead of keeping the clock running), on our last drive and the Pittsburgh game-Stealers were setup for a walk-off FG with 0:04 remaining. Game injuries on D? Not really. King went out for a while with a dinged shoulder, and Long-hair was a game-day scratch, but otherwise we had our full complement of guys. Coach leaves it to you, the loyal reader, to decide if awful defense is a result of “Defensive-Scheme-and-Coaching” or “Players”. Hint – the correct answer is “C”, all-of-the-above. Shown above is former Badger star TJ Watt crushing the Packers Hundley on 1st Down of the Packers last drive from the 18. This sequence makes Coach sick and harkens back to the players vs. coaching and scheme question. Please recall that the Packers passed on TJ Watt in the draft so that they could draft the already-injured-King at CB and pick-up a 4th round pick that they used to snag oft-injured Badger Vince Beagle…. Beagle’s contribution so far is that he has no penalties on special teams. Just saying. On the bright side (for Watt), our Defensive coaching and player development are so bad that TJ would be following the track of Datone Jones and Justen Harrell had we drafted him. Note: TJ Watt is from Wisconsin and UW, therefore he is always innocent of any infraction … and Hundley was running forward thru the OL and put his head down, so this play was reviewed and found to be a 100% legal hit. SO I ASK YOU….is there really a reason to keep this Coaching Staff?. Coach recommends starting with Mark Murphy and cleaning out the entire building. WTF – the Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Man I hate being right all the time. This would have been the perfect opportunity for MM to prove me wrong, but Eminem couldn’t resist the temptation to make the worst “Are you f’ing kidding me, McCarthy?” in-game decision of all time. When you’re on the road, late in the game, PROTECTING THE LEAD, in the league’s least-friendly stadium for kickers, YOU DO NOT ATTEMPT A 57-YARD FIELD GOAL and risk giving the opponent fantastic field position. Al Michaels referred to it as “…a fascinating strategy…” but Coach is here to tell you straight up that this may have been THE WORST decision in McCarthy’s long, sad history of bad in-game decisions. If it’s the last kick to win the game as time is expiring – that’s one thing, but this was something completely different. This was just f’ing stoopid. McCarthy has no business coaching football games. And I’m not just talking about NFL games … I mean zero football games: college, high school, YMCA flag football – none of it. He always does the exact opposite of what any reasonable coach w/should do in critical game situations, and he makes us all dumber for having watched it. He lacks the capacity to think like a head coach in the middle of a game, and God-willing he only has 2 weeks left before he finds a pink slip resting gently atop his mahogany desk. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, though. Clinton-Dix Finds Solace in Poor Play PITTSBURGH,PA–Following his team’s gut-wrenching loss to the Steelers in front of a nationally televised audience, Packers Safety Ha Ha Clinton-Dix confirmed he has taken a more laid-back approach to Defense this season. “Yeah, I was never really good at tackling. It’s kinda hard, and I don’t like it. They say ‘practice makes perfect’ but I say nobody’s perfect, so why practice?” Packers fans recall Ha Ha’s rookie season struggles, easily falling for simple juke moves against Seattle that prevented Green Bay’s return to the Super Bowl. Most of this year for Clinton-Dix has been … well, whatever you would call the opposite of a tackling clinic, and Sunday night was no exception. Play after play after play, you could see Offensive ball carriers zigging while Ha Ha was zagging, as if both players were oppositely polarized magnets. Moreover, pass coverage by Clinton-Dix in 2017 has been abysmal. Game after game, in critical down and distance situations, Ha Ha consistently has been out of position. Things have gotten so bad that game announcers have publically suggested Morgan Burnett is a “good” player, just because he returned to the field and was not as glaring of a weakness as Clinton-Dix. “I’m okay with it.” said Ha Ha. “I did about what I figured I would do, so that kinda makes me happy sort of. Can I go now?” The Bears still suck – the Coach has proof Pederson to Team: “Next time show up for the damn game!” PHILADELPHIA- A red-faced Doug Pederson was fuming mad after his team’s 31-3 victory over the Chicago Bears this past Sunday afternoon. “I’m sorry to say it was evident during this week’s practices that my players weren’t taking the Bears seriously.” Pederson said to reporters following the game. “That’s my fault and I need to coach better. Most of the veterans didn’t even show up for practice until the Friday walk-through telling me it was basically a bye week for them.” The Eagles led the Bears 24-0 at halftime following an uncontested touchdown reception by former Bears wide out Alshon Jeffry. Jeffry called out Eagles teammates at halftime suggesting they weren’t trying hard enough and they should have been up by at least 6 or 7 touchdowns by then. Pederson pulled his 1st and 2nd string players in the second half, as most would have expected to send a message that they needed to show more effort or their jobs would be on the line. Following the game, however, the head coach clarified this benching was just merely “…standard protocol for early pre-season games or when you play the Bears.” In response to Pederson’s condescending assertion, Bears head coach John Fox said “I don’t know what the Eagles are bragging about, we BEAT the 29-point spread!” Udder Stuff – commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky wins Axe and is Unbeaten for the Season – Rewarded By Judges MINNEAPOLIS–The Wisconsin Badgers soundly beat an inferior Minnesota team 31-0 with their most complete performance of the season. Enough said. There is too much too look forward to! As Bucky moves into what should be the first playoff round, i.e. the conference championships, we really hope the team and especially the D is as P.O.’d as we are. The team should have a big chip on their shoulder after pissing away the game in Indy last year against PSU. The seniors will remember how it felt to go to Indy favored and scamper away 0-59 losers to none other than their foe this weekend, the Ohio State University. Along with the lack of respect being given on the airwaves and by the FBS beauty pageant judges, there should be plenty of bulletin board material to get the team revved up for this Saturday night! Click here Wisconsin once again finds itself in a game that that if won, puts them over the top. If we win, the pundits will STFU. If we lose, they will be proven right. This is right where we want to be at this stage of the season! This is the game that cements Bucky as an elite program. We will not accept losing late in the game, like in the last 3 Rose Bowls and against PSU and OSU last season. The mantle is full of participation trophies and the closet is full of bridesmaid dresses. We have a chance to prove that a school with high academic standards for its athletes, tougher than schools like Stanford or Northwestern, proves they can run with the least academically challenging school in the Big Ten, Ohio State. Cue your favorite Cardale Jones quotes. Click here So how does Wisconsin win this game? Well, we have a couple of points to consider…. 1. Stop doing stupid shit, including: a. No silly cross field passes by Horn Dog for pick 6. b. Taylor dropping the ball. c. Stop the poorly timed holding and procedure penalties. 2. To avoid a debacle like last year in Indy, we need to get after the passer and play solid coverage, all while keeping up our impenetrable run defense. Ohio State has the best passing game we have faced and our secondary will be tested. If we have a weak link on D, it is the pass defense. Speaking of Wisconsin’s secondary, they haven’t really been tested all season. They have done very well against flawed offenses. A mental collapse like we saw last year vs. Penn State hopefully would be nipped in the bud by the defensive coordinator. Particularly unnerving last year was the number of passes that were interceptable while Jamerson, Tindall and others stood by and watch the ball float into the receiver’s hands uncontested. This cannot recur! 3. If we can get the running game going against tOSU’s standard D, they will sell out and Horn Dog will start hitting our young wide receiving corps and Fumigalli, and the route will be on! The defensive line is strong, the linebackers average and the secondary average. They could not cover Iowa’s tight ends and Iowa had no receiving threats. Pay no heed to Barrett’s bad knee and supposed surgery on Saturday. They have a viable back up and we cannot put it past Urban al Assad that the surgery is a ruse to get Bucky to be overconfident. The judges this year have deemed the PAC-12 unworthy, as well as any other team not in the Big Ten, Big 12, ACC, or SEC. Whoever wins their respective conference championship games should be in the playoffs. In the screwed up set up we have with the FBS, that is the best we can hope for. But, something crazy could happen, like TCU winning and USC or unworthy Alabama sneaking in. As you know, we at the BU are strong advocates for team passing the “scoreboard test” and not an “eye test” to reach the playoffs. And, we believe that a team must win their conference to go through to the next round. If Bucky wins in Indy, they will almost certainly be in the playoffs. If we wind up #2 or #3 we will be in the Rose Bowl baby! This seems like the most probable outcome to the BU, point spreads and pundit predictions be damned. Prediction... Bucky 34 Bucknuts 16 ...in an ass whupping that the score does not reflect. We’re gonna kick you’re a$$ – predictions for the upcoming game …in light of the current situation, Coach exclaims: “What the FUTSA?” (What as to happen For Us To Stay Alive?) OK, we had a “moral victory” against the Stillers, but in real life that was an “L” and the prospect of making the playoffs are getting very dim. But until the light actually goes out, Coach is going to keep showing you the probabilities! One of the few intelligent things that Coach Eminem has said recently is “I don’t worry about Playoffs until we get to 10 wins”. To hit 10 wins, each of the remaining games is a “must-win”. If we run the table and get to 10 wins, we have a 92% chance of making the playoffs. Have fun with this playoff simulator (Click on Link). Lose to the Bucs and those odds drop to 30% Coach just has to tell you young’ins, this really is like last year (remember “…run the table?”) or the 70’s & 80’s. Debating 73 different low-odds-scenarios to make the playoffs was a staple every year. So, here we go kids, we need to beat the Creamsicles so that AR can ride in on a white horse for the Charlotte Kitties game in WK 14. “Coach, can we beat Tampa Bay?” You bet Jimmy! The Buc’s are 2-1 over the last three games, beating the Jets, the Fish and losing to Atlanta. Statistically they are mired in the bottom of the League next to us. For the season, we have been beaten less badly than they have. As the table below illustrates to the casual observer, we usually lose by 2.6 points and they usually lose by -3.5! Jimmy, that’s what we call exciting! They have been pretty decent over the last 3 games, but that has been driven by an unsustainably positive 2.3 turnover differential. If we take care of the ball, we will take care of TB and the Buccaneers. And!! There are other key factors to consider in the game… …TB is the worst franchise in the NFL history, ranked number 32 with an all-time winning percentage of 38.9% …The Pack leads the all-time series 32-21-1. …TB insists on rolling with the Creamsicle uniform. …and most importantly, Jamies Winston is coming off of the injury report and will play against the Packers. It is believed that the shoulder he injured this fall was actually a re-injury of the purloined-crab-shoulder. Fans may recall that Winston sprained his shoulder while stiff-arming the fish monger in the Publix Deli while practicing during his time at FSU. You can take this one to the bank… Packers 27 Bucs 20 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Sunday, December 1st, 1985, where were you? (Yeah I know, some of you were just a twinkle in your father’s eye back then… or a stubborn sperm hell-bent on piercing rubber and an IUD whilst your steadfast egg-mate overcame toxic venoms dispersed by the pill. But I digress…) In Green Bay, WI it was 27F and snowing…12 inches overnight and another 5-6” between 1 pm and 4 pm…when the Packers were playing the Tampa Buccaneers and the weather was the star of the game. This game was known for many things including the lowest recorded home attendance ever at Lambeau Field. As always, the game was sold out but only 19,856 fans went thru the turnstiles and there were over 36,000 no-shows. Don’t worry… …Coach completely ignored the “travel ban,” jumped into his German-engineered “Peoples Wagon” and made his way from the East Side of Green Bay to Lambeau. Green Bay, no stranger to snow removal, was completely overwhelmed by the wet heavy stuff. Most of the streets were un-plowed and it took Coach the entire first half to make it to the Stadium. Coach is proud to report that he was the 19,857th fan to attend the game, but by the time he got there they had given up taking tickets and all the gates were wide open and his attendance was, sadly, not reported. The good news of so few fans is that the atmosphere in the stadium was like 4th grade recess in a blizzard (which is another great story for another time). Coach walked right in and sat down in row 19 of Section 20, the 50 yd line right behind the Packer’s bench. Kicking some snow to the side to create a place for my feet, and a ¾ full 5th of Wild Turkey. BTW – Section 20 is correct – the stadium was much smaller, just the benches up to row 60 and a few 1st-generation Skyboxes, so no “Sect 120” as it is labeled today. (Math note: a ¾ full 5th is actually 3/20th of a gallon, which doesn’t sound like much, but Coach assures you, the discerning reader, that 3/20th of a gallon is sufficient for one person for a half-a-game. And, please remember kids, this was 16 years before Koran wielding nut jobs took flying lessons into the Twin Towers…no metal detectors and security checks like today… so there was plenty of smuggled venison sausage, beer and hard stuff that regularly got passed around the stadium. Ahh the good ole’ days.) Oh yeah, back to the game. The game was fantastic! Lynn Dickey was slinging the ball all over the place and Eddie Lee Ivery rushed for 109 yards on 13 carries through the snow! The Packers absolutely dominated the Buccaneers en route to a 21–0 victory. Despite four turnovers, the Packers offense gained 512 total yards on 31 first downs, with the Buccaneers recording only 65 yards on 5 first downs. Packers wide receiver James Lofton received passes totaling over 100 yards from quarterback Lynn Dickey by halftime. Green Bay ran 72 plays to Tampa Bay's 36. Packers defensive end Alphonso Carreker sacked Buccaneers quarterback and future Pro Football Hall of Famer Steve Young four times. It was Young's second game in the league after he left the USFL. You remember the USFL… starter league for Packers greats Reggie White and Harry Sydney, and had teams with rich owners who knew nothing about football and later became President of the USA and mocked present-day football players for drawing attention to themselves instead of showing reverence to our flag? But I digress… "When I looked out the hotel window this morning, I felt this was going to be incredible," Steve Young said later in the Tampa Bay locker room. "I've heard about Lambeau Field, the history of the Packers and everything ... a snowstorm in Green Bay. What else could you ask for?" The Buccaneers rolled up 65 total yards while Young's 11-yard scramble was the Bucs' longest play of the game. The closest they came to scoring was a missed 35-yard field goal attempt by Donald Igwebuike. In a sweep of symmetry, Coach was at Lambeau 11 years later during Young’s last game at there. Coach enjoyed a brief moment of schadenfreude as Young limped passed him and into the 49’ers locker room with sore knees and broken ribs during the 1996 Divisional Round Playoffs. Thank you, Reggie, Gilbert, Santana and Sean. Gemütlichkeit. Back to the Snowbowl! One of Coach’s favorite Packer Trivia Questions is “When was Lynn Dickey’s last game?” Yup, the Snow Bowl. He had a heck of a game, but injured his neck in a weight lifting accident the following week…and never played again. Some say he actually embellished the injury because he lost the will to play. (Actually, HE said that, but that’s a story for another day. Back to our story of this day…) The Tampa Bay team was created in 1973 under terms of the 1970 AFL/NFL merger agreement that expanded the NFL to twenty-eight teams. A “name-the-team-contest” resulted in the name "Buccaneers," a reference to the pirates who frequented Florida's Gulf coast and grabbed pillows during anal intercourse. However, the logo is a bit of a mystery. Top cultural anthropologists have been engaged to research the question, but as yet no one has been able to pin-point the exact origin of the creamsicle shaded swashbuckler. The Buccaneers joined the NFL in 1976 in the AFC West Division. The following year, they were moved to the NFC Central, joining the Packers, Bears, Lions & Vikings. The Seahawks, the other 1976 expansion team, switched conferences with Tampa Bay and joined the AFC West.
The Cultural DNA of the Buc’s has not changed. The history of the franchise is one of despair and losing, punctuated by a few winning seasons. Longtime USC coach John McKay was recruited as the team's first head coach. Despite McKay's coaching, the Bucs often appeared incompetent, with missed tackles, fumbled snaps, and a frustrating inability to score (#ChicagoBears), and the patience of fans and local media soon wore thin. The team's notorious 26-game regular season losing streak -- including a then-record 0-14 season (a record since broken by the 2008 Detroit Lions, who went 0-16) -- prompted "Throw McKay in the Bay" bumper stickers. The 1976 Bucs are widely considered one of the worst NFL teams of all time. They were shut out five times and scored only 125 points the entire season, an average of nine per game, while giving up 412. The Buccaneers suffered so many injuries that they were forced to hire players off the street and from the CFL. Late in the 1977 season, fans wore bags on their heads and encouraged the team to "go for 0" (as in zero wins). After a particularly dismal effort during the streak, coach McKay gave perhaps the quintessential comment on the team's plight. In a post-game press conference, Tampa Tribune sports editor Tom McEwen asked McKay about the execution of his team's offensive line. McKay responded, "I’m in favor of it." McKay is arguably the most quoted Coach in NFL history, a couple of Coach’s other favorites: - On why he rarely had bed checks: “You usually wind up staying up all night, or until your best player comes in.'' - "We can’t win at home, we can’t win on the road, so we were going to petition the league for a neutral site." - On Bill Capece, who was waived in 1983 after missing a field goal and extra point: “Capece is kaput.'' - On place-kicker Pete Rajecki having a bad camp with the Bucs because McKay made him nervous: “I don't think he's got much of a future here, because I plan on going to all the games.'' - On his disdain for the Packers: “If a contest had 97 prizes, the 98th would be a trip to Green Bay.'' Too bad he wasn’t coaching during the SnowBowl…. …alas we will not have snow this weekend, Soccer Moms in their Suburban’s have warmed the planet to the point where I will mow the grass on December 1st. But rest easy fans, Coach will be there, even if he has to wear shorts. So this week we salute Mother Nature of the North, Green Bay’s weather, as an honorary Packer and perennial X-Factor for the team. Now let's go kick some Buccaneers ass!
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! Create a seam here - X's and O's about the game or a scheme It turns out that there was a game last weekend, a 23-zip ass-kicking by the Baltimore Raven/Browns. The first home shutout since the Pats put on a 35-0 spanking on the Pack 12 years earlier-to-the-day, November 19th, 2006. Coach was at that Pat’s game, and it was awful. Coach was also at last week’s Raven game, and it was awful. The only positive thing to say about those games is that the 38-10 whooping at Lambeau by the Jets in 2006 was even worse. Courtesy of Iopollo Sports Information Services (ISIS), we have a more detailed picture of just how awful the offense was. As ISIS points out, “the Ravens dropped 7 and rushed 4 most of the game, and Hundley didn't know where to go with the ball. He was tentative and insecure, facing a strong secondary committing a lot of men to making sure he didn't know where to go with the football. “The running game was non-existent (22 designed runs, 56 yards, 2.5 yards per carry and a lost fumble) so the Ravens were just happy to wait for Hundley to screw things up, and he did.” Yep, that’s what we all saw. While some have pointed to the play of our Legume-led-Defense as a positive outcome of the game… Coach remains in the Missouri-mode … “show me.” Baltimore has one of the worst offenses in the NFL and is one of the most injured teams in the NFL. The Chart below is from ManGamesLost.Com and shows the cumulative impact of all of their injuries. The Chart also shows that, even with the AR injury, the Pack has had only an average level of injuries and negative impact. This Coach is getting more and more upset when he starts to think of Eminem compared to some of the coaches of yore and how they have handled losing a starting quarterback. "Gentlemen, we will chase perfection, and we will chase it relentlessly, knowing all the while we can never attain it. But along the way, we shall catch excellence" Vincent Thomas Lombardi (June 11, 1913 – September 3, 1970) “Gentlemen, we will chase complexity, and we will chase it relentlessly, knowing all the while we can also achieve confusion.” Michael John McCarthy (November 10th, 1963 – until present day. Unknown date of firing from GPB, Vegas over/under is week 13) “Oh, and yeah (sniff), we also had a great week of practice (sniff), so if we can get that great practice (sniff), and of course, all of things we actually practiced (sniff), and some of those things that we discussed, but didn’t actually practice (sniff), to translate over to the game (sniff), then you know (sniff), we should do pretty well. It’s hard to win games in the NFL (sniff). Brett Hundley (cough) is my quarterback.” Congratulations Mike, you’ve reached your goal of confusion and have achieved symmetry. {Crowd makes polite golf clap here.} That's no hyperbole, and this level of futility got Coach thinking about truly great coaches. Mike McCarthy is a good coach. Just ask him. And maybe he is, compared to his idol and mentor Marty Schottenheimer. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and ignore his first couple of years. Favre retiring and A-Rod growing into the role was a bit bumpy. Since 2009, the beginning of the Rodgers/Capers/Thompson/McCarthy era, the Packers have won a remarkable 67% of their regular season games. Not bad, probably in the same league as Bellichick (77%) and Lombardi (75%) and maybe even the ’72 Dolphins who Shula coached to 14-0 (100%). But how does McCarthy stack up against the other Coaches when he has to use his back up QB, a real test of how well the Coach can direct his Team? Bill Bellichik has won 13 out 19 games (68%) without Tom Terrific in the 262-game-Brady-era. Don Shula won all 9 games started by backup QB Earl Morrall (#15 below) when he replaced starter Bob Griese during the Fins perfect ’72 Season. (Earl Morrall was known known as one of the greatest backup quarterbacks in NFL history. He played twenty-one seasons in the NFL as a QB and occasionally punted. During the 1968 Baltimore Colts season, he filled in for an injured Johnny Unitas leading to an NFL championship shutout victory in Super Bowl III, and during the 1972 Miami Dolphins season he filled in for an injured Bob Griese, leading to Super Bowl VII.) I knew Earl Morrall, and Brett Hundley is no Earl Morrall. Vince Lombardi won 12 games out of 18 started by backup QB’s. Most of those games were played by Zeke Bratkowski, #12 below, when he stood in for Bart Starr. Mike McCarthy has won 4 out 13 games (30%) without Aaron Rodgers in the TT/MM/Big-Legume/AR-era. No doubt that the QB is the most important position in the NFL. But let’s be crystal clear here…there is zero data to support McCarthy’s claim that he is any more than an average Joe at coaching. There have been some positive moments when Matt Flynn and Brett Hundley have stepped in for AR…but it’s just too painfully obvious that the whole team is not prepared sufficiently to play in the NFL. This is true on Defense and even more so on perpetually bad Special Teams play. What it really shows is that we are no more than a less-than-mediocre team, with a less-than-average coach and one fantastic player. As much as Coach dislikes the Cowboys and disdains their former Coach JimmyJohns-son, he did say something worth repeating… “…Success in the NFL is not based on who makes the most great plays, it’s who makes the less bad mistakes.”** ** Note: Jimmy Johnson is an NFL-pre-game-talking-head and former friend of Jerry Jones. He also makes a really good sub sandwich freaky fast. Please excuse the completely non-grammatical construction of his comments. The great Coaches sweat the details and match the scheme to the abilities of the players. McCarthy loves to make it complex and ensures that there is confusion on the field. If you want to vent your frustration and justified righteous indignation, Coach has found two web sites for you to peruse. The “McCarthy’s 5 Worst Coaching Traits” (which are comprised of…) 1. Play Calling (see #2) 2. Game Management/Adjustments (Coach thinks this is same as #1) 3. Player Selection and Substitutions (OK, but maybe this is #4 or #5) 4. Defensive Coaching Oversight (Duh.) 5. Fragile Ego – Public Relations (Coach doesn’t see how this affects wins / losses, its just entertainment value in post-game press conferences). Explanations of McCarthy's 5 Worst Coaching Traits (Click on Link) ...and the “Fire McCarthy” Facebook page. WTF - Coach's take on football news that's messed up In case you hadn’t heard, the NFL says Jerry Jones’ conduct is detrimental to the league … he is preparing to sue the NFL in order to remove Commissioner Roger Goodell from office. You see NFL ratings and revenue are way down this year, and Jones is not going to sit idly by while the precious income of millions of Americans migrates away from NFL merchandising toward a smoking hot stock market (#EarlyRetirement). Funny how Jerry Jones was just inducted in the Hall of Fame only 4 months ago, and now he’s a problem (#OrenthalJamesSimpson). A posthumous induction probably would have been better. …and we still wait for Jerry Kramer to be inducted? Note that Jerry Kramer actually played in the NFL, and won five NFL championships (instead of buying a team that won 3). Oh, and Kramer was named to the NFL's 50th Anniversary Team, which featured all Hall-of-Famers -- except him. Yep, Goodell has to go. Packers Duo Teams Up for Hollywood Sequel: Up In Smoke II GREEN BAY-Last year’s most exciting rookie, Geronimo Allison, has apparently taken this year’s most exciting rookie, Aaron Jones, under his wing. Pulled over in Manitowoc County for driving at speeds in excess of over 90mph, Aaron Jones admitted to Sherriff’s Deputy James Franz that he had been smoking marijuana. Ironically, teammate Allison was pulled over on that exact same stretch of I-43 for the exact same offense, and was hauled in to the County Corrections office for possessing marijuana, but at that time claiming “Uh, that’s not mine.” “I told Aaron” said Allison “when you smoke as much weed as we do, you’re gonna eventually get busted. But don’t be like me, tell the truth.” Jones gave credit to his sinsemilla sensei, Geronimo, for the guidance. “G gave me lots of good advice. We spent about an hour together in my backyard -- following my dog around with a baggie after he ate my stash.” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof None of these stats will shock you:
Bears’ Sitton to Packers GM: “Please Take Me Back, Ted!” CHICAGO—Bears Left Guard Josh Sitton is sick of being a loser. He said as much in a post-practice press conference Tuesday afternoon. “I can’t take it anymore, exclaimed the multiple-time pro-bowler.” Even without Aaron Rodgers, the Packers were able to defeat the bottom-dwelling Bears two weeks ago. In a frustrating rant, the UCF alum told reporters “I only took the job here because of the money, I always knew the Bears had no chance of being competitive. But now I realize the money isn’t worth it. I know this is gonna sound bad coming from one of the players on the team, but the Bears really suck.” Unconfirmed sources have alleged that, in a secret meeting arranged by Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya in October 2017 between Josh Sitton and Packers Director of Player Personnel Elliot Wolf, Sitton offered his guaranteed money from the Bears to the Packers organization if GM Ted Thompson would take him back for the league minimum salary. When reached for comment this past week regarding Josh’s open offer, Thompson said “We’re pretty set with loads of healthy talent available on our offensive line right now, but I’ll think about it.” Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground On a day of very poor NCAAF matchups, the Wisconsin vs. Michigan tilt was moved to 11 am to accommodate the evening Fox broadcast of a Pac-10 matchup. BU staff were among the many deer hunters lured away from the woods to watch Wisconsin vs. Michigan live. Much of the 12% decrease in opening weekend whitetail deer kill may be attributed to the duration of this game preventing hunters from getting back to their stands on a timely basis. That said, the time spent watching this game was worth it. Michigan is the best opponent that Wisconsin has faced this season. Wisconsin had at most a slight advantage on both sides of the LOS, before making some big passing connections in the second half and wearing Michigan down. For the second week in a row, Hornibrook completed some spectacular passes into keyhole tight windows with freshman receivers making great plays on the ball. As long as passes like these are going to be attempted, interceptions will continue to happen. The one interception thrown by the nation’s interception leader was thrown to a window that did not exist. That stuff needs to stop, along with red zone procedure penalties and holding penalties wiping out Jonathon Taylor touchdowns As foreshadowed here, Michigan’s run game was shut down by Wisconsin’s stout front seven. Michigan did do some damage via the passing game, with a pivotal first half TD disallowed. Immediately following was a momentum-changing make-up call overturning a Danny Davis III reception to convert a third down. It all evens out (#EvenSteven). Peeking ahead to Minnesota, everything on paper indicates that Wisconsin should shitstomp the Goophs on Saturday. Expect a large contingent of Badgers fans in attendance. In games where MN has failed to run the ball, their offense has melted down. After changing to a more mobile QB a few weeks ago, only 42 percent of passes have been completed since. MN is without their top WR. Wisconsin’s defense has enjoyed a steady diet of one-dimensional offenses all season. This Saturday should be a feeding frenzy. There’s nothing special about the Goophs’ defense against the run or pass. DE’s are undersized. They too have done ok against the many weaker Big Ten offenses, but have been lit up by the better teams. As coach Fleck has pointed out, failure is part of the growth process. There has been a lot of growing taking place at U of Minnesota this season. Wisconsin comes into this game 16.5 point favorites. Losing this game would be comparable to tripping on one’s dick, something Wisconsin has set out to do with flat first half performances during the last three axe game meetings. This game is the Goophs’ Rose Bowl. Winning it would make their season (#Pitt v. Miami). Expect a hard hitting game like the last three, prolonged if Wisconsin commits the usual array of first half sloppiness. Note that Wisconsin came out of the Minnesota game suffering injuries which contributed to defeat in Indy a week later two out of the last three years. Three years ago, Wisconsin lost their top offensive lineman and another offensive lineman due to injuries vs. MN. Containing Melvin Gordon and heating up Joel Stave came easy for the Bucknuts. Last year, having already lost NT Sagapolu to a broken wrist a few weeks earlier, Conor Sheehy broke his wrist vs. the Goophs. Once the DL exhausted itself with a short rotation vs. Penn State, Watt & Biegel became far less effective in the second half, allowing the secondary to be exploited. Recalling our Cotton Bowl victory over Western Michigan last year, Wisconsin is quite familiar with PJ Fleck (aka, captain of the cliché). In Badger Underground’s up close and personal background check, we discovered that PJ’s first wife was a hottie (#Sha-wing!). Too many nights chasing tail in Kalamazoo and a rumored one-nighter with a booster’s wife, apparently a visit or two to local gentlemen’s clubs and a passion for motor-boating led to wife #2. During the Gopher wooing process, PJ was spotted rowing the love boat on Lake Minnetonka with this new girl in town. As this season has spiraled downward for Minnesota’s fighting rodents -- taking a 9-win team and transforming it into a 5-win bowl ineligible team, PJ has again swapped out—this time for a trendy life partner. We’re gonna kick you’re a$$ - predictions for the upcoming game ...in light of the current situation, this week Coach debuts: “What the FUTSA” (what has to happen For Us To Stay Alive?) This week the Pack is a 14-point underdog game to the Stillers. So, “What the FUTSA”? Not so long ago, the Pack was a 14 pt underdog on the road during a season with high expectations. * *Maybe you have heard of the Super Bowl? The Packers won a trophy there in 2010 by beating the Stillers. In game 14 of that Season, the Packers were 14.5 pt dogs as they entered Foxboro to play the Pats on December 19th, 2010. The Pack came into the game at 8-5, with a loss the previous week in Motor City after AR was concussed in the 1st half. Problem? No problem! Matt Flynn to the rescue! We actually kicked NE’s butt for the entire game, with a couple of tiny exceptions. Defense? No problem! Offense? No Problem! Ahh, well we did have 2 turnovers and were minus 2 for the game. Special Teams? Ahh…… Dan Connolly rumbled 71 yards with what is believed to be the longest kickoff return ever by an offensive lineman (Click on Link). The Packers kicked their asses for 59 minutes…only to be submarined by a guard on a kick return. Oh yeah, Tom Brady did pitch two touchdown passes as the New England Patriots edged the Green Bay Packers 31-27 for their sixth straight win. Do you see the symmetry? I see the symmetry. You don’t? Well squint and hold your left foot up after you put some aluminum foil on your head, dummy. We started this year with high expectations only to see China Doll on the sidelines again. But now we have a budding Earl Morrall. He can’t win a game, but he can throw a pass into a moving car (Click on Link), so, you know, we have that working for us. I doubt Bend Roverburger can do that! Basically, we are counting on Big Ben and the Stillers fans to choke on their yellow towels, and, that we play perfectly on Defense & Special Teams, and, Hundley is “serviceable”. Should be no problem, Coach recommends you go 5 large on the Pack. F*** the Pittsburgh Steelers (Click on Link). Packers 27 Stillers 26 OK, hey I can dream too….. “Playoffs?” … Cue Jim Mora …”Playoffs?” No, no more local-talk-radio buzz about the playoffs. Coach isn’t going to weigh in on probabilities, other than to point out “Norm, it don’t look so good.” But, Coach will lay out the picture for you. IF we make it to 10-6, then we have a pretty decent shot of making the playoffs. Knock yourself silly with the following playoffs calculator. As you’ll see, if we drop to 9-7 and it’s more like 25% chance. How the Packers can make the playoffs (Click on Link For us to go 10-6, we need to go 2-1 over the next 3 games, and then we need Aaron Rodgers to ride a white horse into Bank of America Stadium in Charlotte on December, 17th and win the last 3 games. Coach captured secret footage of Bianca Jagger actually training the horse for Rodgers to use. JB - Packers you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them Back-up QB … a relevant topic in Green Bay these days. Since 1992 we’ve never really had to think about it … though now twice in the last 5 seasons it’s been a topic of crisis when AR broke his left and right clavicles. TJ Rubley, Brett Hundley, Matt Flynn, Seneca Wallace, Scott Tolzien, and who knows, maybe Joe Callahan. Hopefully they’ll all be answers to trivia questions, but recent history says we should always have a proven backup on the roster. With this week's JB we consider two of the best backup QB’s to ever play the game, Zeke Bratkowski of the Packers and Earl Morrall of the Colts and Dolphins. During a 1989 interview, Earl Morrall was asked what it took to come off the bench and be an effective quarterback and team leader. His response was, "When you get the chance to do the job, you have to do the job. That's all there is to it." In his more than two decades in the NFL, Earl Morrall played for six different teams, starting in 1956 as a first-round selection by the San Francisco 49ers and eventually was traded in 1968 to the Baltimore Colts. When regular Colts QB Johnny Unitas was injured in the final exhibition game, head coach Don Shula made Morrall the team's starter (#KurtWarner). Morrall went on to lead the Colts to a 13-1 record, then added two playoff victories en route to winning the NFL's Most Valuable Player award, leading the Colts into Super Bowl III (upset by Namath's Jets). Two years later, Morrall again replaced an injured Unitas in Super Bowl V, and the Colts won 16-13 over the Dallas Cowboys. In 1972, when Shula was the Dolphins head coach, Bratkowski joined him there and replaced the injured Bob Griese for the Dolphins during the team's Game 5 win over the San Diego Chargers. The victory gave Miami a 5-0 record, with Morrall building on that win to lead the team to the first undefeated regular season in the NFL since 1942 and the only undefeated season ever at 17-0 (14 regular season wins and three playoff wins). Morrall started 11 out of the 17 games that year. Morrall retired from the Dolphins in 1977 and was the oldest quarterback to start and win a football game in the NFL until Doug Flutie and then Vinny Testaverde broke his record almost 30 years later. In those 21 seasons, Morrall was part of 255 games, completing 1,379 passes for 20,809 yards and 161 touchdowns. Earl Morrall became the quarterback coach at the University of Miami and during his time there he worked with Jim Kelly, Bernie Kosar, Vinny Testaverde and Mark Richt. Unfortunately, Earl died in 2014 and isn’t around to coach-up Brett Hundley. The Packers' all-time great backup QB Zeke Bratkowksi came to national prominence during his sophomore season at Georgia in 1951, and was twice the SEC passing leader. During his three-year career with the Bulldogs, he completed 360 passes for 4,863 yards. Bratkowski was considered one of college football's greatest quarterbacks of his day and was the NCAA's all-time leading passer until 1961. He also led the NCAA in punting his senior year in 1953 with a 42.6 yard average. Bratkowski was selected by the Chicago Bears as a "future choice" in the second round of the 1953 NFL draft and joined the Bears in 1954. After Bear’s QB George Blanda was lost for the season with a separated shoulder, Bratkowski started and won the last four games of the season. Bratkowski played with the Bears thru 1960 and then was traded to the Los Angeles Rams in 1961. He played in Los Angeles for 2½ seasons before being signed in October 1963 by Vince Lombardi for the $100 waiver fee to become the "super sub" to Bart Starr. Nicknamed “Uncle Zekie” he became an ideal backup and spot starter during the Lombardi championship era. The most important point is that he won 67% of his games a starter in place of Bart Starr. In a 15-year NFL career, he passed for 10,345 yards and 65 touchdowns.
In the Western Conference playoff game versus the Baltimore Colts in 1965, Bratkowski relieved the injured Starr early in the game and led the Packers to a 13–10 overtime victory on December 26 at Lambeau Field. The Pack went on to win the NFL championship game against the Cleveland Browns on January 2, 1966. Can Brett Hundley do something like this? I dunno…but Zeke’s win was the first of three consecutive NFL titles for the Packers, unprecedented in the playoff era, and yet to be repeated. After coaching under Phil Bengtson in 1969 and 1970, Bratkowski came out of retirement to play again for the Packers in 1971 under first-year head coach Dan Devine, and appeared in six games -- with one start. The following year, Bratkowski became an assistant coach for the Chicago Bears, where he wasted a coupla years holding a clipboard on the sideline as a Bears player-coach, kinda like Burt Reynolds in Longest Yard, until he retired after the ’74 Season. A superbly conditioned athlete, Bratkowski was an early advocate of aerobic training for pro football players. He was inducted into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame in 1989 and he was elected to the National Polish-American Sports Hall of Fame in 1995. I have to admit, I didn’t know that existed. I bet the induction ceremony is a hoot! A big Coach Clarahanson salute to you, Zeke…we wish you were still available to help! Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! Things could be worse. Create a Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme In just one week, Brett Hundley got his first deer kill... …sautéed the backstrap… …and took the heart out of his first Bear kill... Coincidence? Coach doesn’t think so. …as Coach predicted last week… “…we will win because they are still the Bears. ” Any time we beat the Bears it’s good and we need to revel in this victory for a few days. Let’s have a quick look at the Grades a la Bob McGinn style: Offense B: Hundley actually looked good on a few passes, racked up 212 yards, 1 TD and no interceptions for a 110.8 QB rating. We also ran for 160 yards against a very good Chicago run defense, even though we lost Aaron Jones and Ty Montgomery to injuries during the game. But Jamaal Williams came through in the rain and torn up the grass in a 2nd coming of Edgar Bennett. Bennett never liked the “mudder” label and maybe Williams won’t either, but when the weather turns cold the legend never grows old on the big lake they called 'gitche gumee'; the lake (Click on Link), it is said, never gives up her dead when the skies of November turn gloomy…well any way, you get the picture, we need a good mudder, 3.3 yards/carry never looked so good. Defense C+: We shut down Chicago’s No. 6 rushing attack and held scoring to 16. But that includes giving up 268 yards passing to a confused and marginally talented rookie and the dumb luck “pylon-touchback-challenge.” Satisfying for the day, but Coach isn’t buying it until we stop a decent offense. n.b.: New Orleans & Detroit Special Teams D+: We’ve been making the snap-and-hold an exciting play all year and Sunday was no exception. Vogel didn’t get the ball down and Crosby’s 35 yd 4th Qtr FG went wide right. Mind bogglingly, Trevor Davis also fielded a punt in the EZ and ran it out as dead coaches everywhere rolled over in their graves and we had yet another holding penalty on another punt return. On the positive side, we averaged positive net field position on the exchange of punts…first time all year. Overall: a solid C We had no turnovers and fewer mistakes than the Bears and we won. Did I mention that they really, really, really, really, really, really suck? Yes, the Bears still suck. We’ll take the W and are not looking back. In related news, Vegas has now shifted the over/under line on McCarthy’s firing from G13 to G14. Feel free to send your wagers to Coach in non-sequential C-Notes. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Man claims wife's bosom depicts image of Vince Lombardi PEACHTREE, GA–Tire salesman Orson Buggi, 43, of rural Atlanta says his wife’s mammary's are the spitting image of the Packers legendary coach from the glory years in Green Bay. “I’m not even a Packer fan” said Buggi in a southern drawl, who remarked that he first noticed’s the strange red markings in the shape of Vincent Lombardi’s face on his wife’s chest when she exited the shower after returning late from her shift dancing at the Clermont Lounge in old-town Atlanta. Skeptics scoffed at this Hooter’s style Shroud of Turin, but Buggi says he doesn’t care if people believe him or not. “It’s already starting to fade.” he said. “After we get drunk and go motor-boating at the lake this weekend it will probably look like someone else.” In the past, Buggi has also claimed to have had French toast that looked like Hillary Clinton in a pant suit and a boil resembling Gary Berghoff (a.k.a. “Radar O’Reilly) of M*A*S*H fame. ADVERTISEMENT-Hi, I’m Jim and I lost 15 pounds on NaturalSystem! As Michigan’s head football coach, it can be hard for me to find time to eat a sensible meal. And when I started losing lots of games … I started gaining lots of weight. Just like you, no matter what I tried I just couldn’t seem to shed the pounds. But since I’ve begun only been eating NaturalSystem’s meat-like bars with real food flavor, the fat is just melting away. I exercise more, I need less sleep, and I’ve got so much more energy! And it’s especially great for guys like me, who don’t cook their food! You, too, can lose the weight you’ve always wanted to lose – just like Jim, by ordering NaturalSystem bars. Order online now and get NaturalSystem’s Thanksgiving bird-flavored meat bar for half off, plus free shipping! That’s right, you’ll get 2 incredible fat-burning meat bars for the price of 1, delivered right to your door. That’s a $14 value. Just use the PROMO CODE “KHAKI” in the box when you checkout online. Don’t delay, order now! The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Even when we are at our worst, the Bears suck worser. Trivia quiz Sports Fans, name is the only team in NFL history to win a challenge that costs them the game? Ding, ding, ding…correct! The Bears! With the Pack leading 10-3 in the 2nd Qtr., the Bears were driving for the first time in the game. On 3rd and 13 from the 25, Mitch Tebowbisky threw a short swing pass to Benny Cunningham who made it to the 2-yd line while flying out-of-bounds superman-style. Bears Coach, and Packer Fan, John Fox challenged the call on the field of OB at the 2 because the end zone pylon moved. After a short replay delay, the Zebras came back with a ruling: Yes, Cunningham did in fact hit the pylon before his knee hit the ground… …BUT >>> wait for this >>> the ball was loose, so rather than a TD, it was the equivalent of fumbling the ball into the Endzone… touchback ... Packers ball at the 20-yard line. So instead of 10-10 it remained 10-3 and the Packers had the ball. That 7-point differential held until the 23-16 final score. …that noise you heard was the collective exhalation of all 43 Bears fans who attended the game, as the Referee’s foot, Cunningham’s fumble and Fox’s blunder created a nexus with their shrunken cajones!! As discerning readers of this publication know, the Pack now has 8 wins in a row at Lambeau Field South! For the moment, let’s just soak it all in and bask in the complete dumpster fire that inhabits Lambeau Field South (LFS). As you can see in the foreground, the Chicago Park District has been granted temporary loan of the Vince Lombardi Statue from Lambeau Field North (LFN). Under terms of the agreement, the statue must remain at LFS until the Bears franchise is no longer an embarrassment to the NFL and the City of Chicago. The easiest path to this outcome is if the McCaskey family sells the team. A more likely path is for Jay Cutler to be named General Manager and Head Coach. It is unknown at this time if the rumor is true that the Packers will move balance of their 2017 home games to Lambeau Field South. Packers Coach Mike McCarthy said “Well, I can’t comment on internal discussions…” and added later “…this is the only place that Brent has won a game and I always seem to suck as a coach in Green Bay….” Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger underground Bucky, Don’t screw this up! Despite all the griping and Rodney Dangerfield comparisons, Bucky is sitting pretty at #5 in the CFP. If they play D like they did against the Hogeyes, they will be unbeatable. As you know, Iowa hung 55 points on ESPN darlings Ohio State the week before but were shut on offense at Camp Randall and could only muster 66 yards total offense against our banged up but inspired D. If we beat the Weasels this weekend, which we should and roll through the Gopher hole next week, which will will, we will be 12-0 and probably in the top 4. It’s almost a sure thing… …this of course reminds us of that time of the big party that we all recall vividly aside from the murdered brain cells sacrificed in the name of high octane home brew and Absinthe. The wife, she invited a bunch of friends and so did you. A friend in your gang hooked up with a hottie in her gang and well one thing led to another. As your buddy was ducking out to catch an Uber to some undisclosed location with said female, your guys shout encouragingly to him in unison, “Don’t screw it up!” That’s how we collectively feel about the Badgers right now. Anyways, we are starting to think the Badgers are better than their #5 ranking and we can prove it through simple transitive logic… We beat Iowa Iowa beat Iowa State Iowa State beat the Sooners and their fancy TV ratings offense The Sooners clobbered Ohio State in Columbus Iowa Beat the snot out of Ohio State Ohio State is liked by ESPN, and is their Big 10 candle amongst their SEC allegiance ERGO, Bucky is better than Oklahoma and Kirk Herbstreit can blow it out his poop chute Also, We beat Northwestern Northwestern beat Michigan State Michigan State beat Penn State Penn State is Liked by ESPN, especially that Sequan “Heisman” Barkley So THERE. Documentary Crew’s Night Vision Camera Captures Inquisitive Jim Harbaugh Poking Lens ANN ARBOR, MI—During an on campus visit to the University of Michigan for interviews leading up to the big game in Madison on Saturday, the FOX technical crew captured an incredible unplanned shot of head coach Jim Harbaugh using a static night vision camera positioned on the practice field Wednesday evening. “The camera first captured him coming onto the field at 2:30 a.m., but he was just rapidly pacing and dropping down for push-ups,” said director Felicia Comerford, who revealed that Harbaugh then froze, narrowed his eyes, and intently studied the camouflaged camera that he had spotted in pitch-black darkness 120 yards away from him. “Then he suddenly burst toward the camera in a full sprint. He was on it in seconds. He apprehensively circled around it several times and then disappeared off camera, popping up two seconds later inches in front of the lens, sniffing it, poking it with his finger, and then licking it.” Comerford added that the magnificent shot even tops the stunning and unexpected footage they captured the previous day of a pacing Harbaugh suddenly tearing into a freshman linebacker. And from the cutting room floor, this piece recorded Thursday will not be aired by FOX during the pregame or halftime shows owing to time restrictions. But Badger Underground was able to recover it for your additional insight… Harbaugh to doctors: Shock therapy? Yes, please! ANN ARBOR, MI–Saying that he had hardly noticed the time go by while receiving the series of electrically induced seizures, University of Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh was reportedly disappointed Thursday upon learning that his electroshock therapy session was over so soon. “Oh, is our time up already?” Harbaugh was overheard saying as Dr. Leo Marvin carefully removed electrodes from his forehead that were used to deliver dozens of 480-volt shocks over the course of his 45-minute session. “These sessions are my favorite part of the week, but they always seem to go by so quickly. Well, I’m looking forward to picking this up where we left off when I come back next time.” Harbaugh added that he considered the moment during the session when he began uncontrollably vomiting to be a “real breakthrough” in his treatment. Hard to believe they’re not going to release that! Regarding the actual game, though, our prediction for Saturday, considering a blustery, cold opening to deer season we predict a lowish scoring affair with Bucky prevailing 20-6. We’re Gonna Kick You’re A$$ - predictions for the next game “Playoffs?” … Cue Jim Mora …”Playoffs?” Yes, local talk radio was abuzz this week with discussion of playoffs. Coach isn’t going to weigh in on probabilities, but he will lay out the picture for you, let’s assume that: …you need to be 10-6 to make the playoffs as a Wild Card Team… …AR returns, at the earliest predicted date and he is the QB for the final two games 0f 2017; Home on Dec 23rd against the Queens and New Year’s Eve in Daytwa… …AR wins both of those games… …which means we need improve from our current 5-4 to 8-6 by the time No. 12 is back. Can Brett Hundley go 3-2 over the next 5 games? In an effort to continue the education of you, the loyal reader, Coach will now explain one of the more obscure Defensive Statistics of the NFL: “Opponents Plays/Punt”. Think of it this way, the more I stop you, the more I force three-and-outs, the fewer plays you have per drive and you punt more often. This statistic simply measures how many plays you allow between punts. Low is good, high is bad. In what should be no surprise to anyone who follows the Pack, we are dead last, numero trentadue for the total year, and over the last three games our worst-in-the-NFL 20 plays/punt dropped to 25 plays/punt. We simply cannot stop the other team. This is also reflected in our -5.0 point differential over the last three games, which is good for 20th in the league. Baltimore is not a powerhouse team invading Lambeau, but they are 15th in Opponents Plays/Punt and No. 8 in Point Differential. Of course these Stats don’t prove anything, but they do say that 4-5 Ravens have performed somewhat better than the 5-4 Packers in 2017. But who cares? The Packers are gonna win anyway!! Why, because it is opening weekend of the “Gun Deer” season in SconnieLand and… …the Packers always do great when they are playing at home on opening weekend, and… ….every red-blooded buck will have his gun in-hand on Saturday morning…for Bambi tells us so. JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them It was the year of our Lord 19 hundred and 79…Bart was in his 5th year of Coaching and this Coach was new in town, young, single, good looking and living the Courvoisier life! Packer games every Sunday and bratwurst seven nights a week. Bart Starr retired in ’71 and was the QB Coach in ’72, the last time the Pack made the Playoffs with Bart on the sidelines. After Vince left Bengston, Devine and Starr each had their chance to run the franchise into the ditch (from Bengston thru Infante, each one of them had a worse winning % than the guy before). Certainly a hero like Starr could lead us to the promised land of a Super Bowl victory. Or could he? To be sure, Starr has always been revered in Green Bay, and it was no different then, but by 1979 the fans were growing restless. 1975, ’76 and ’77 were awful years and 1978 finally was a bit of sunshine at 8-7-1, so 1979 the entire Packer nation was full of hope and expectation that this would be the year of victory! However, 1979 didn’t start very well and the Packers were 1-3 when Dandy Don Meredith and Howard Cosell came to town for the first-ever Monday night football game at Lambeau. The New England Patriots were heavily favored and were expected to destroy the Pack. In one of the stupidest moves of Coach’s entire life…I turned down an offer of a free ticket to that game. Coach was deluded in thinking that his new job at the big toilet paper mill in town was actually more important than going to the game…how stupid I was. As it turns out, Coach lived just down the street from Lambeau, so when he got home from said “important” work, he opened the window and had a view of the lights and more importantly the roar of the crowd as he watched the Pack stun the Pats on his crappy little TV.
Two days later, on Wednesday, October 3rd, 1979, Coach’s life changed forever. While out on an evening run up Onieda street, another runner popped out of one of the side streets and we literally bumped into each other. And who was the other runner? None other than Bart Starr hisself. Coach and Coach Bart had a nice run for a half a mile or so and a really nice chat. Coach Bart asked for a few tips on defense so Coach Clarahanson naturally was happy to oblige. That day started a firm and lasting friendship between Coach and Coach. Whenever Coach sees Coach on TV or at Lambeau Field, Coach always waves to Bart. You can tell he’s a close friend, because he always waves back. P.S. Coach asked Bart if he had any tips, and Bart replied: “Why yes, yes I do… Just always remember, the Bears really do suck.” Nice! Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Nice costume. Hey, Deadbeat -- it’s bad luck to sneak into your kids’ room to steal their Halloween candy before a Packer game! That’s right, I blame you. After a brief suspension from taking clandestine footage on Packer premises due to a “minor” infraction of team policies, Coach had full photography and audio recording privileges reinstated before the game Monday night. Enjoy… For good luck, I randomly pick a player and fornicate with his shoulder pads before each game. Last time it was Kevin King, and before that Aaron Rodgers. No, those sweatpants don’t make you look fat. It’s your ass that makes you look fat! I wonder if the Defense is gonna play worth a shit tonight… How did we get in a vagina? Just worry about what WE can control. The Defense has our back! Did you know that chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows? It’s true … uh-huh! Pssst, gimme your mother’s phone number. Uh, when’s the part when we’re supposed to kneel? Dom … are you there?... Dom … come in … Dom … can you hear me? I think they’re on to us… My arms are stuck! What the heck is wrong with my shoulder pads tonight? Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme OK Sport, here’s what you need to know about the Lions game. A team that was reeling and playing like crap kicked our asses. And that was the good news. Oh, OK, Hundley started OK. The first drive he got us into FG range and we actually threatened to score…that is until Derek Hart skipped a one-hopper snap back to Vogel and the kick was blocked. Crosby, Hart & Vogel (seen below) came out early at halftime during the Badgers performance and Crosby literally had to show Hart how to snap the ball while avoiding collisions with the marching band (#AnimalHouseParadeScene). I shit you not! The Defense looked good for exactly 2 plays and on 3rd and long Mike Daniels drew a 15-yard head-butting-knumbskull penalty and the rout was on…Detroit took the 1st down and went the length of the field for 7. After that we performed typically and Detroit never had to punt…for the whole fricking game. Hundley looks like he could be a game manager – and didn’t throw a pick, but he didn’t score any points until garbage time. But to his credit he did play better than the week before. The Defense? Oh boy. Actually, let’s be fair, the Defense matched the 30-points-allowed they have averaged for the 13 games that McCarthy hasn’t had Rodgers available. Coach is simply running out of ways to show that Capers sucks and needs to be fired. Every stinking year except for 2010 we just plain sucked on defense. There’s a legitimate point to be argued about lack of talent…but Jumpin’ Jehosaphat, we are halfway through the season and we still don’t know who’s supposed to be on the field? I guess you can call it improvement that we never had 12 or 10 on D, but we had several plays where guys got on at the last second and were confused on assignments (same as Saints game). Why in the Sam Hill from Kentucky can’t we just have a base set and put the best guys out there??? Let’s reflect on a coupla infamous Mike McCarthy quotes: 1. “Statistics are for losers.” Coach agrees. So here’s an interesting loser statistic, noting how MM compares with one of the guys he calls a “peer”… When A-Rod is not your QB, you draw on your core abilities as a leader, motivator and coach. As it turns out, your core abilities are not very good. Just saying, the facts prove that you suck as a coach when #12 is not covering up your ineptitude. 2. “I am one of the most successful coaches in the National Football League.” Yeah, we remember when you whipped that dandy out exactly 1-year ago when everyone was calling for your head. But you forgot to add “…when Aaron Rodgers is my quarterback.” Said another way, when Aaron Rodgers in not your quarterback, you are one of the LEAST successful coaches in the National Football League. You are freakin lucky you have a job. Based on actual coaching skill, any of these head coach’s would still have their jobs (health permitting), and likely would have won multiple super bowls since 2005, if only their GM had not passed up on drafting Aaron Rodgers: Mike Nolan - 49ers (note, this was Mike McCarthy’s previous boss) Nick Saban – Dolphins (brief experiment) Romeo Crennel – Browns (handed McCarthy his only loss in calendar year 2011) Lovie Smith – Bears (the Bears still suck) Jon Gruden – Buccaneers (had previously won a Super Bowl with a great defense and Brad Johnson handing the ball off to Mike Alstott) Jeff Fisher – Titans Mike Tice - Vikings (had 2 chances at Rodgers in 1st round) Dennis Green – Cardinals (Rodgers was not who he thought he was) Joe Gibbs - Redskins Steve Mariucci (fired in 2005) and Dick Jauron (the Bears still suck) - Lions Bill Parcells - Cowboys (shocker - had 2 chances at Rodgers in 1st round) Marty Schottenheimer – Chargers (another former boss of McCarthy) John Fox – Panthers (the Bears still suck) Dick Vermeil – Chiefs (remember that move across Missouri?) Dom Capers – Texans (yep, Capers fired at end of the 2005 season – it IS possible!) Marvin Lewis – Bengals (Cincinnati’s Wayne Fonts) Mike Martz (fired in 2005) and Joe Vitt (fired after 2005 season)– Rams (imagine Rodgers with Martz!) Jack Del Rio - Jaguars Jim Haslett – Saints (fired after 2005 season) Norv Turner – Raiders (fired after 2005 season) Notice that all teams who have won Super Bowls since 2005 drafted AFTER the Packers that year except for the Ravens (drafted Joe Flacco) and Saints (acquired Drew Brees). McCarthy, your day of reckoning is near… NFL Insiders: McCarthy on NFL Coaches Watch List Over/Under for "McCarthy-Fired" Upped to Week 13 of 2017 Season LAS VEGAS–Odds makers confirmed that Mark Murphy joined Ted Thompson Tuesday afternoon in delivering the news to Mike McCarthy that he is officially “on-watch” after yet another disastrous performance. Shortly after he received the news, the head coach had time to react on the practice field. As of publication, The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! staff were not able to confirm if Mike had cabbage for lunch. Good news and turds both roll downhill. McCarthy is shown below just after he used his new assertive style to explain that Dom had been doing a fine job, but maybe he should try a little harder. WTF - The Coach's take on football news that’s messed up Well, Martellus Bennett was unexpectedly released on Wednesday for failing to disclose a condition (let Coach crack that code for you: oven-mitt hands, and has more baggage than O’Hare). In what will likely turn out to be a genius personnel maneuver, the New England Patriots claimed Bennett off of waivers only 9 months after his stellar performance in their Super Bowl victory. In other news, former Packers Tight End Jarred Cook, who they could have re-signed for less money than Martellus Bennett, is having a banner year with the Raiders. In other, other news… Aaron Rodgers Balloons To 450 Pounds After 3 Inactive Weeks In Wisconsin GREEN BAY–Relegated to watching others practice and play football following his broken clavicle injury, it was obvious when the national TV cameras turned their lenses toward Aaron Rodgers on the sideline Monday night that he had let himself go. “Yeah, I may have started dairy again. Lack of calcium weakens bones, you know. …AAAND the doctors say I “may” have acquired an eating disorder. Apparently I swallowed a lot of aggression since Anthony Barr’s cheap shot – AND A LOT OF PIZZA’S! I like that John Candy. And Chris Farley. He was from Wisconsin, too. Fat Albert was really Bill Cosby, ….” “Eating disorders like this usually stem from an incident that the afflicted can’t seem to get past.” said neuropsychologist Craven Moorehead. “In Aaron’s case, it appears he was the last player left in the hospital waiting room. He’s been terribly despondent ever since then, and randomly references famous people who were infamously overweight.” No official statement was released regarding Rodgers’ new look by his former girlfriend Oliva Munn, who purportedly likes a “chubby.” The Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof The results are in from last week’s poll question: Could Alabama’s swim team beat the Bears swim team? 61.2% - Yes, there is more talent on Alabama’s roster and they are better coached 23.7% - No, the worst swimmer on the worst NFL team is probably better than most starters on any college team 11.7% - I didn’t know the Bears played football, too 3.4% - Undecided Bears Fan Uses Bye Week to Shoot Himself in Penis at Hot Dog Stand The suspect attempted to flee, but the pain from the gunshot wound was too severe for him to continue running CHIGAGO–There are no wieners in this story. Dripping with irony, and with blood from his turnip, a man is in the hospital after he reportedly shot himself in the penis while robbing a hot dog cart vendor in Chicago Sunday afternoon. The Chicago Sun-Tribune reports that police found a 39-year-old man going by the name of “Kasten Ootcher” slumped over in a parking garage across the street from the corner kiosk that he allegedly held up at gunpoint. Ootcher reportedly walked up to the vendor and held a gun to his head demanding cash. As the suspect began to flee with his ill-gotten bootie, he shifted the gun on his waistband and apparently pulled the trigger, shooting himself. Police were able to use surveillance cameras to positively identify Ootcher. His blood-stained boxers and Chicago Bears “dad” cap matched the ones seen in the footage. Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground Headline: Bucky wins and goes to 9-0 on the season, drops 2 spots in the AP ranking. Barry is none too pleased. We are frankly not going to get so worked up about this nonsense. While we at BU feel that the college football playoffs should involve no voting like a gymnastics meet, this flawed system will probably work OK this year. If Wisconsin takes care of business the next 3 weeks, they will be 12-0. If they win in Indy, they should be in the playoffs. If they lose any of these 4 games, all bets are off and they probably will go back to the Cotton Bowl. Our recap of Saturday’s game against the Hosers is that Bucky played a more complete game than usual. Wisconsin finally hung some style points on a lesser opponent. Most of the points; however, were set up by the defense causing turnovers. A red zone defensive stop prevented the good guys from having to dig out of a 14-0 hole. Another first half, another Hornibrook interception, another sloppy performance by the offensive line, another highlight reel Jonathon Taylor run called back by a holding penalty. Though this game featured another Taylor fumble, it did not result in a turnover. Offense, defense, and special teams played relatively error free football although it seemed like about 50 yards of Taylor’s rushing gains were called back for holding. We lost our emerging star WR Cephus for the rest of the season to a leg injury. It will be time for the rest of the receiving corps to step up. DDIII, Pryor, and Taylor look like they have it in them to do just that and Fumigalli and Neusome will be solid. The problem with young wide receivers is that they often disappear in big games, particularly if they get laid out once or twice by good DB’s like the ones who will be wearing black & gold this Saturday. They are not likely to see wide open green spaces against Iowa’s secondary. Looking ahead to next week, CRIPES! This could be a real game for once! The Bumble Bees of Iowa absolutely crushed the Buckeyes and are now ranked. On again, off again QB Nathan Stanley from Menomonie, WI was “on” with 5 TD passes. Mirror image Barrett of tOSU had 4 picks. The Hawkeyes beat Iowa State and Ohio State and shoulda beat Penn State. We need to be on our game even though Iowa does not travel well. We cannot afford to step on toes and other nonsense like the last time they came to Camp Randall. This game will be a doozy. If we have a decent game plan and play error free we should win going away. Wisconsin has played to the level of their competition this season, often times going vanilla on both offense & defense. Anticipating greater resistance from BYU, that game stands out as their cleanest of the year. Though Wisconsin was favored by only 9 points vs. Indiana, they are favored by 12.5 against Iowa. This favorable spread comes despite the loss of Cephus, the loss of LB Orr and the >50% chance that they will be without leading tackler D’Cota Dixon. The dropoff from Orr & Dixon is significant. Though you wouldn’t think so from the scoreboard, Wisconsin does have a diverse offense that can put up points when they are not in self-destruct mode. Good OL, good RB, good TE, WRs who can get separation and a QB who has his moments. Wisconsin has come out running the ball in most games. Look for Chryst to break boring tendencies, except during the postgame interview. Iowa will force Hornibrook and the receivers to beat them. Iowa LB Josey Jewell will remind you of Jack Cichy. Look for him to get his 11 tackles, preferably 15 yards downfield chasing Taylor from behind. Their DE’s could present problems for Wisconsin’s undisciplined OL and QB who is lacking in pocket skills. BU staff likes the matchup between Wisconsin’s defensive line and Iowa’s offensive line. Due to injury, Iowa went through a rough period breaking in two freshman tackles against opponents who didn’t get much respect a few weeks ago, but now reside in the top 25. Against Ohio State’s aggressive pass rush, Iowa’s immobile QB stayed on his feet and shredded the Bucknuts’ secondary. With Wisconsin lacking edge rushers, the tackles likely will not be tested. Bank on this though—Iowa will not run the ball like they want to on Wisconsin. The Badgers defensive line is intact for the first time since the BYU game. Obasihi came back last week and Loudermilk is back this week. With Orr and Dixon in the lineup, there is no doubt that Bucky could handle Iowa’s tight ends. Their starting LB’s cover well, TJ Edwards in particular. The BU staff thinks we will be ok, but this is a matchup to watch. Losing Dixon against IL or IN doesn’t jump out at you, but this guy is all over the field and is a hard hitter who you want playing all snaps in big games. Look for WI to dial up blitzes and stunts that have been kept under wraps for most of this season. Look for a trick play such as a fake punt. We’re glad Iowa blew out Ohio State. Iowa will not be sneaking up on the Badgers as a result. Look for Wisconsin to prevail 27-21 and befuddle the idiot pundits on ESPN. We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game The primary reason that we will beat the Bears on Sunday is that they are, of course, The Bears, and the Bears still suck (even worse than the Packers). Actually, they are playing much better than we are on Defense and rookie Mitchell Turdbiscut is playing a little bit better than Chet Huntely. So let’s say statistically, and considering Capers hasn't been fired yet (yet), there is an overall slight advantage for da Bears. But, wait a minute, they are the Bears! Of course we’ll beat them…although they do have an almost 15 point advantage in the all-important "differential" over the last 3 games. Alas, it will be two shitty teams duking it out, and the team that shits itself the least will win. Let’s face it, this game is gonna be about as enjoyable as spending an afternoon with a lame-ass group of couples who happen to also include two chicks that you banged in college, but neither one of them knew about the other, and each thinks your carnal knowledge about her is “your little secret.” Meanwhile, their husbands, who aren’t aware that you tapped their wives, are bragging behind their back about how awesome their trophy wives are in the sack – but you snicker in silence. And every now and again at the get-together, each broad gently wipes against you as she walks by to hand her hubby another beer, or grabs your arm and smiles into your eyes to remind you of your “shared” secret whenever someone tells a funny joke that everybody laughs at. Yeah, it’s gonna suck. But I digress… No matter what happens we still have the memories of domination over the Bears for the last 25 years, and no bolted-together collar bone can take that away. JB - Packers you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them [OWING TO DA WRITER’S BLOCK OF A DISTRAUGHT COACH FOLLOWING DA LOSS AT LAMBEAU ON MONDAY, MRS. COACH WAS KIND ENUF TO AUTHOR DIS WEEK’S JB ARTICLE FER DA FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS OF The Show!!!, LET ME KNOW IF YOOCE LIKE HER STUFF AND MAYBE I’LZE LET ’ER WRITE FER YOOCE GIZE AGIN IN DA FUTURE, HEY…] Hi fellas, Mrs. Coach here reporting for duty! I'm going to whisk you back to reminisce about a great time in Green Bay... Back when I was just starting to blossom as a young woman, Mike Hunt was already pretty popular around these parts. Being one of the best physical specimens in town, Mike Hunt’s reputation (with famous bushy blonde hair) made every young aspiring football player in Green Bay jealous – everyone wanted a piece of Mike Hunt. But there’s a lot more to Mike Hunt than most guys around here realize. Born and raised modestly in Kuter, Minnesota, Mike’s father worked early mornings at the only bakery in town. A star in high school with many connections amongst the football insiders, Mike Hunt’s talents earned a fully paid college education as an Oregon State Beaver (Click on Link). …oh yeah, and nothing got around more in the Oregon State football locker room than Mike Hunt’s legendary Kuter pie! (It was so good they still whisper about in the halls there today.) Although widely regarded as ubiquitous with the guys at school, on occasion many could see Mike Hunt and Gloria Stitts together out in public – what a pair, those two … especially after a heavy night of drinking! -- but, hey, that’s college life – am I right? Ha ha! Mike Hunt was first drafted professionally in 1978 by the Green Bay Packers. Mike Hunt? Packers? It just made sense. Part of the feared “Green Cheese” line backing corps, Mike Hunt paired up on the inside with Mike Litorous, was flanked on the outside by Drew Peacock and Harry Balzac, and was occasionally relieved by Conny Lingus or Duncan Akokanit. These characters were usually hanging around together away from the game, too, and often the subject of lighter-side news articles. I particularly recall during training camp in 1979 when they rode their motorcycles onto a dock in Algoma and accidentally collided with a moored charter boat – Mike Hunt stunk like fish for 5 days! His best game was arguably the season opener of his 3rd (and final) year in the league, Labor Day weekend in 1980. It coincidentally was also the first day that Lambeau Field unveiled the “Jumbotron” video board high above the north end zone, so everybody in the stadium saw Mike Hunt up close and personal that day – over and over again. On a more serious note, though, as a result of showing up for the team every game as a rookie -- Mike Hunt really took a pounding...some say to a point beyond recognition, and was only able to muster 3 performances the following year due to pesky soft tissue bruising. Similarly, on September 21, 1980, hammered continuously by Rams that entire Sunday afternoon, Mike Hunt wore down and took a particularly severe head shot. This proved to be the final professional performance for this week’s legend of Packers lore. Some say a short career isn’t worth noting (they just want to stick it to Mike Hunt). …But, still active around town today, and (okay perhaps a little tougher to look at and perhaps there’s some dust on the cap) Mike Hunt is still as great as ’78 as far as I’m concerned … and would not shy away from a good licking!
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Maybe a week away from football will be good for this team. Alone time. An opportunity to relax, or spend time with family, or do charity work, or maybe catch one of these classic Kevin Spacey movies (in no particular order)… The Usual Suspects? American Beauty? L.A. Confidential? Swimming with Sharks? The Negotiator? Baby Driver? Inseparable? Rebel in the Rye? See No Evil, Hear No Evil? Moon? Rocket Gibraltar? A Show of Force? Doomsday Gun? Seriously, those are his movies. It’s amazing any boy survived. But, hey, it’s time for Packers football again!... Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme You never know what might happen at Lambeau, so Coach made sure he brought his rubbers. Good thing, too, because it rained most of the game and the guy next to me without any protection got 2 soakers. They say wet weather favors the Offense, so it appears intermittent showers fell primarily when the Saints had the ball. After the game, head coach Mike McCarthy said the loss was “My fault.” But backup starting quarterback Brett Hundley was quick to take blame off of his coach’s shoulders saying “I think I should have played better.” Defensive Coordinator Dom Capers showed support by stating unequivocally, “Both of those guys are right.” While searching for a way summarize the ‘Aints – Packers game, one word kept popping into Coach’s head. In unrelated news, Coach has decided to pursue a graduate degree in etymology. There seemingly are not enough adjectives in the English language to describe the completely impotent and misguided efforts of the McCarthy led Packers, particularly the Defense. Clearly academic research is needed to expand the English language vocabulary sufficiently to describe our current coaching staff. As Coach pointed out prior to the Saints visit, the game plan should be conservative on Offense -- lots of running, and would require Defense and Special Teams to win the game. This was an ugly game from the start, but doggoneit, we were in this thing until … wait … you know this tune, concentrate … another Defensive collapse. “Shut the front door!” you say? (Coach can hear the surprise in your voice.) Cryminey hey guy, GB was up 14-7 at the half! Jones and Hundley were running like crazy and --- exactly as Coach had called for --- we were up 2-0 on turnovers and Special Teams were…well Special Teams were…we’ll come back to that. NO took the 2nd half kickoff from the 2-yard line and ran it out to the Aints 41… and the meltdown began. The Pack shut down a couple of runs, gave up a couple of passes to Michael Thomas and they had 3rd & 9 at the Packers 47 and…well, just read the play-by-play description. (12:48 - 3rd) (Shotgun) D.Brees pass deep middle to M.Thomas to GB 26 for 21 yards (H.Clinton-Dix) [M.Daniels]. No better indictment of your defense than when your best D-Lineman makes a tackle of a wide receiver 21 yards downfield. Two plays and a blocked extra point later and the score was 14-13 in our favor. The chart below is the “ESPN Win Probability” tracker showing the Packers withering against the Saints. While it doesn’t “prove” anything, it’s interesting how the Stats match the eyeball test. fter the first of our four feckless and impotent 2nd Half drives, we come to the play in question which tilted the stat-o-meter.NO’s 2nd drive of the 3rd Quarter started with 1st and 10 at NO 16. We are up by a point, and we have them trapped in the shadow of their own goal post…PERFECT TIME for a 3 & out!! Right? In a bland reference to outdated 1980’s technology and the washed-up Chris Berman, let’s go to the video tape: (8:48 - 3rd) (Shotgun) D.Brees pass short left to T.Ginn pushed ob at GB 37 for 47 yards (H.Clinton-Dix). Yup, Defensive meltdown…they popped a wide receiver screen and, after plenty of missed assignments by other inept guys on D, the late arriving and No-Longer-Laughing-Clinton-Dicks “held them” to a 47-yard gain. Not that Clinton-Dix sucks (heh heh), after all -- half of the defensive players were standing upright and looking at the sideline for the call to come in when the ball was snapped. (sigh) Eight plays and a kick later the Pack fell behind for good... “Hold the Saints to 17 and you can win the game” Coach said last week. For the first half that formula was working, but Coach didn’t count on the team quitting on McCarthy and McCarthy quitting on the team in the second half. Coach directs your attention to the table below, which summarizes the 2nd half drives of both teams. In the process of kicking our collective asses 19-3 over the final 2 Quarters, they ran 41 plays, moved the ball 269 yards and held the ball for over 20 minutes. In that same period, we managed 21 plays for 80 yards and 9 minutes of possession. Look at the table!! They averaged 6.6 yards-per-play compared to our 3.8, including the kneel-down-time to run out the clock at the end. While we were completely ineffective on Offense, the Defensive ineptitude was even greater. So, what did happen on Defense? “That was kind of a gift touchdown having 10 people on the field.” Capers said. That’s right … the Big Legume acknowledged that we were completely screwed up on substitutions. Once again Capers outsmarted himself trying to run so many sub packages that no one watching can keep count. More importantly, neither can his players. The first time we had the 10 men on the field was a third-and-two in the first quarter and the sidelines called time out before the ball was snapped. The second time the Pack had two defensive players run off the field, to defend third-and-one, but only one ran on… and Saints running back Mark Ingram ran outside left end for a 12-yard touchdown that tied the game, 7-7. Complementing the inept approach was lack of execution. When guys are out of place they arrive late to the play and need to clutch and grab rather than tackle properly. Montez Brice put on a clinic for us Sunday afternoon of how to execute these moves. Not wanting to be left off the list of incompetents were Special Teams. Coach agreed with M&M’s decision to try to steal 3 points at the end of the 1st half, but the snap and hold were crappy and the 59 yard FG attempt was ruffly 49 yards short. This was accompanied by absolutely drive killing penalties on special teams and a shanked punt. Vogel punted 5 times and there were penalties on three of them, all on Josh Jones. (Vogel has been good so far this year, of course he saved his worst game for the Saints.) OK, so the Saints game was a disaster, let’s write that off and have a look at what the Packers must face over the Bye Week. After all, that bad stuff is correctable. …On offense, we are getting healthy and we should be playing every one of our starters except for #12, Tom Wrigglesworth. …Aaron Jones looks like the real deal at RB and was named FedEx Ground player of the week for his game against the Saints. Never mind that the FedEx plane crashed in the movie “Castaway” because, after all, Tom Hanks was great in that movie. Remember he had to lose like 40 pounds over the course of that movie being filmed so that starvation from being on a secluded island for a long period of time seemed more realistic? That was pretty cool of him, eh? Anyway, … …#7 clearly can run, he keeps his wits about him, and he’s at least a good college level QB. Can he make the reads fast enough and trust his receivers enough to be an NFL QB? Coach will give him the benefit of the doubt despite the Saints game. Let’s hope he improves. After all, he was back at practice Wednesday after time away for the bye week, so that should help. … Special Teams have played well in between stupid meltdowns. Getting rookies (Jones) to play well and fixing the snap/hold should be straightforward fix, and with Vogel and Crosby doing the kicking Coach is optimistic we can be in the top 10 for overall ST. … Coach (seen here) is not at all optimistic about the Defense, because there is no evidence to support improvement. Just sayin. Hey, if you want blind optimism, go down to the “We’re Gonna Kick You’re A$$” section. Spoiler alert: Coach predicts a Packers victory! S.A.F.L…. McCarthy said in a press conference rant last week that “Statistics are for Losers.” Coach agrees. New Orleans beat us in every statistical category except for rushing and turnovers, but they killed us on time of possession, first downs, passing and most importantly: scoring points. Stats don’t tell you who will win any given game, but they do a fantastic job of helping understand why a team is winning or losing, and more importantly, what needs to be improved to win more games in the future. The table above compares Weeks 5-7 of 2017 to the 2017 Season so far … and gives you, the inquisitive reader of the ever-insightful-Coach Clarahanson Show!!!, a handle on how our Defense is trending. Pay close attention, the color coding is very complex: Red – is bad, means we suck (ranking 21-32) Yellow – also bad, means we suck less (ranking 11-20) Green is good, means we rank in the top 10. The most important statistic is winning and we are 4-3. But, for the season, we are 15th Point Differential (scoring more points than the other guys) and over the last games we are 26th… that’s a red for those of you keeping score at home … and 26th means we suck, which is bad. But Coach, all we really care about is winning another NFL Championship, right? That’s right Jimmy, our team of crack coaches will have this solved in a jiffy. After all, they have a fine track record of playing some really swell football, don’t you see Jimmy? Your name is “Jimmy” … right, Jimmy? But Coach, I saw something on ESPN that says our Defense has let down Aaron Rodgers, is that true? No, no Jimmy, you need to pay better attention to the President, this is fake news, pay no attention. Why just the other day Mike said to relax, in no time we’ll be right back in the hunt for the playoffs. But Coach, I did some research about Super Bowls, going all the back to the early days of Al Gore inventing the internet, and it looks like you need to have a pretty good team to win the Super Bowl! One that is good on Offense (90% are in Top 14), but more importantly a team that is great on Defense and has a high point differential (90% are in Top 9). And Coach, why is McCarthy getting so defensive in his press conferences? The Offense is barely in the hunt of Super Bowl contenders and the Defense looks to be way off the mark. Why is he acting as if we have a good team this year and saying that he is a good Coach? Well Jimmy, it’s simply because Mark & Ted & Mike & Dom make such a great bunch’a’fellas funning with Packers fans. They think we’re just negative because we pay attention to how they play and don’t appreciate Participation Trophies. No, Jimmy, that’s not the case with true Packer fans -- we’ve been frustrated since this crew showed up because they are mediocre on a good day. Jimmy, have a look at the chart below. Seven out of the last 8 years we have had a good enough Offense to be in a serious discussion for winning the Super Bowl, but we’ve only won a single Lombardi Trophy. In amazing symmetry, 7 out of the last 8 years our Defense has sucked and we have not been to the Super Bowl more than once. Are you following me Jimmy? Our Defense has been awful for 7 out of the last 8 years. Being awful for 7 out of 8 years gets most guys fired at any job. Are you catching my drift, Jimmy? But Coach, don’t you think it’s unfair to blame the Coaches? After all, Aaron is hurt. Well Jimmy, Mike and his crack staff of clowns think they know how to make a winning team (just ask them) but the evidence says otherwise. Let’s go to the video tape to see if we can prove them correct. A-Rod has played in 123 of the 135 games that MM/DC have Coached together. In those tilts we averaged, averaged, let me say it again, averaged, a 28-21 win in those games! That’s fantastic Coach, then why haven’t we won more Super Bowls? Very simple Jimmy, the Offense Ranking and Point Differential Ranking were in the mix and have usually been ranked in the Top 10. But the 22-point average on Defensive points allowed is not good enough, it needs to be around 16 points. I’ve tried to explain this to you Jimmy, now listen, Defense wins Championships. Just to remind you Jimmy, we have flamed out in massive Defensive Collapses in every year except 2010. But wait a minute Coach, you said MacArthy was pretty good, right? Yes, General Douglas MacArthur was a fine leader (maybe a bit overzealous in Korea, but a fine leader). Coach Mike McCarthy?…well that’s another matter. The truth is that the Packers are good with Rodgers and are terrible without him. If we look at Eminem’s record with Aaron Rodgers and without Aaron Rodgers, the difference is absolutely shocking. With Rodgers, McCarthy has a 71% winning percentage. In the 12 games he has coached without Rodgers, he has a 27% winning percentage. At 27%, that puts him between Gene Ronzani and Scooter McClean on the all-time Packers Coaches list. Remember the foam “TV Brick”? C’mon Coach, you are so unfair, losing is normal when you lose your #1 QB!! Not so fast Jimmy, let’s think about this. If you have two apples and I give you Brady and Belichick, what do you have? That’s right, two apples, an aging superstar and an outstanding coach. In 17 seasons with the Patriots, Belichek is 225-80 (counting playoffs) with a 4-2 record in Super Bowls and 15 seasons of double-digit victories. Brady is 207-61 as a starter, counting a 24-9 record in the postseason. In the games Brady has missed since taking over as the starter in 2001, Belichick is 15-6, a 71% winning percentage. This includes a 3-1 mark to open the 2016 season when Brady was suspended for the first four games for the Delfategate debacle. Bellichick’s winning percentage without Brady is identical to McCarthy’s 71% with Rodgers and only marginally behind Vince Lombardi’s 75%. Coach, is McCarthy doing anything to turn this ship around? Well, I’m not 100% sure Jimmy, but the Packers have announced that Brent Favor is coming back to try to help sort out the steaming mess at 1265 Lombardi Ave. So, Eminem, statistics are for losers? Yes, you are correct, and the statistics show that you are a loser when you don’t have Aaron Rodgers as a security blanket. Let’s hope Favre can straighten you out. WTF - The Coach's take on football news that’s messed up Okay, we’ve all seen bad ref’s, but this guy (Click on Link) might be the most clever idiot in stripes! Now, on to important international news… North Korea to Green Bay Packers: “You’re #1 (Or Else!)” PYONGYANG–Everyone knows that leader Kim Jong Un loves NBA basketball, but not many Americans realize that he is also an avid observer of the NFL. In fact, his favorite team is the Green Bay Packers. Not surprisingly, every single North Korean also lists the Geulin Bei “Pojang-eobja” as their favorite NFL team, too. Sakchu resident Kim Chi Suks said through a translator, “I imagine Green Bay is much like Sakchu, where people eat dogs and everyone loves their leader.” And Chagang Province resident Kim He Lee exclaimed “GO POJANG GO! The Gom still ppal-a!” Much like in Green Bay, on those rare instances when the Packers lose a game, the whole country of North Korea is pretty much in mourning. Although, in North Korea, there is actual mourning … as the first born son of every parent is hanged publically Tuesdays at noon in retribution for each family not cheering enough to produce a Packers victory. In Green Bay, people just bitch at work on Mondays, and then they watch Inside the Huddle on Fox11 at 5pm and feel better about themselves and the team (that Jordy Nelson is so positive!). In light of his recent clavicle injury and, as a result, his unusual availability at this time of year, it has allegedly been reported by unverified sources that Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers has been extended an official visa invitation from North Korea to visit the emperor’s palace late this November where an exhibition football game in honor of Kim Jong Un will take place between the Hamgyong Wapitis and the Hoeryong Dholes. Rodgers could not be reached for comment, but issued this brief statement through his Vietnamese interpreter: “Phúc yea!” The Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof Sure, no surprise the Bears lost to the Saints last week. But when you suck as bad as they do, you’ll get upset players on the opposing, winning team – that’s right, the Saints were upset that they let the Bears become moderately competitive! It’s true, this really happened (taken from the NFL’s Kevin Patra)… Saints RB Mark Ingram: Game was close because ‘I sucked’ NEW ORLEANS–The New Orleans Saints running back used a variation of “sucked” 18 times to describe his performance in the 20-12 vistory over the Chicao Bears, …. “I let my teammates down. I put us in a bad position. The game was only close because I sucked. That’s the bottom line,” Ingram said, via EPSN’s Mike Triplett. “I sucked. I sucked. That’s the bottom line: I sucked.” Well then, if Mark Ingram sucked THAT bad, and they won?...clearly the Bears have zero respect around the league and are considered to be less than real men by those who play against them (not just us Packer fans). It’s science (Click on Link). The good news for Bears fans is, as I say once every year, at least they won’t lose this week (because it’s their bye, ba-dum bum). Here’s something I never have to say: “In the playoffs, the Bears…” (because … they suck). Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground Here at the Badger Underground we have this weird, nagging feeling that will not go away week after week. With Bucky ranked #4, 8-0 and sitting pretty atop the Big Ten western division, we should be feeling good, but we do not. That feeling is that the continued uninspired play will catch up with them and spoil the perfect season. The last 12 quarters of football have been like one long boring game. We lump this all together because we cannot keep the games straight. The long-awaited clean game where the Wisconsin offense all but eliminated procedure calls, clipping penalties, fumbles, dropped passes and interceptions did not take place. Many points have been left on the field this season, with a group that had many games under its belt coming into this season. Another concern is Hundleybrook’s errant throws for interceptions sprinkled among some competent, high percentage completions to a receiving corps that is starting to look pretty good; Cephus, Fumigalli, Pryor, Davis. In between killing drives, getting TD’s called back and turning the ball over, Wisconsin’s offense put together some beautiful drives. Wisconsin’s defense has been spending a great deal of time on the field, thanks not only to the offense’s lapses, but to the lack of an edge rusher. Despite that, they did contain the conference’s leading receiver. Maryland’s offense 2 weeks ago was a good sample of what they should face in the Big Ten championship game. Nick Nelson got away with one egregious mugging of a Maryland receiver, but otherwise played a sound game until the above-mentioned bone-headed penalty. TJ Edwards and Dakota Dixon continued to perform at beast-like levels. Chris Orr went out with an arm injury, which supposedly was not serious. The DL has been down a couple of big bodies, several weeks for Obasih and the last couple of weeks for Loudermilk. Having both back for the Iowa & Michigan games would be a big boost for what can be anticipated to be physical games. Senor Alvarez had a couple of dimes bet on beating the 24-point spread against the Turtles, placed a call to the sideline, followed very shortly thereafter by WI kicking a late FG to win by 25. Of course, beating up on Lovie Smith’s Bears Light team in Champagne is hardly worth mentioning – or paying attention to the point spread, as that was like an exhibition game to warm up for the preseason. Whacky plays, light a lateral pass to an offensive linemen for a 15-yard scamper – yeah, you can do shit like that against the fighting Ill. Wisconsin has not exactly been playing at the level of a #4 ranked team, but most of the flaws are correctable. There is also an element of playing to the level of the competition. BU staff would prefer to see these guys peak at the end of the season. The young receivers continue to accumulate catches. Cephus continues to emerge as the go-to guy. Spreading the ball to Neuville when defenses are focusing on Taylor, Fumigalli and Cephus is a good thing. Danny Davis III should be back vs Indiana. Pryor finally returned from his moped injury with a big catch against Purdue and two more vs. Maryland. AJ Taylor caught a perfectly executed 23-yard TD, splitting two defenders in the end zone. Clean things up, avoid key injuries, let the young offensive talent continue to develop, take care of business and this team should be able to hang with whoever they face in Indy. Paul Chryst has for some time been one of the greatest offensive minds in the game. Weapons are emerging which should allow him to run a very diversified offense, limited only by Hornibrook’s immobility against pass rush which can be expected from Ohio State or Penn State. If you watched the OSU/PSU game, you saw two quarterbacks who are starters on top-5 teams who are not any better than Alex Hornibrook. Both quarterbacks floated balls to the sideline and multiple passes that could have/should have been stepped in front of and picked off. Welcome to Big Ten quarterbacking... it's not the same as watching Aaron Rodgers. Vanilla offense, vanilla defense. Work on basics and limit mistakes. Empty out the playbook only if necessary in the next 3 games, but preferably not until the conference championship in Indy. [This week's Badger Underground INTERMISSION: "Bananas, Popsicles, and Sausages"] (sorry about that last one) Okay, we're back...] Looking ahead, Indiana passed on 62 of its 97 plays vs. Maryland last week and will pose a good test for Wisconsin’s secondary. Like Maryland, IU fields good receivers. Though D’Cota Dixon was listed as questionable earlier in the week, he practiced Weds. Wisconsin will have senior DL Chikwe Obasih returning this week and Isaiahh Loudermilk returning next week. If that holds, they will have full DL depth for the first time in many weeks against Iowa. Indiana could be without their QB and leading rusher, evening out the injury concerns. Indiana’s defense is much improved over the previous two years, but still gives up a lot of points. The stats lie a bit as they have faced two struggling offenses in Michigan State and Michigan. They’ll face a third this Saturday. Cephus & Taylor were listed as questionable on Monday’s injury report, but practiced some on Weds. Game on if Cephus & Taylor are held out. I don’t view this week as a trap game, but you need your playmakers on the field making plays. Wisconsin is favored by 9, look for them to win by 8, 24-16. So the all-important initial playoff ranking put Wisconsin at #9. If you are waiting for a Paul Chryst team to "win with style points", you're in for a long wait. Paul Chryst is the ultimate pragmatist. In his mind he knows that ALL that matters is that we get to Indianapolis undefeated. Could his play calling be more creative? Yes. Could he tell Leonhard to blitz more? Yes. Could he run up the scores? Yes. Will the score of our game versus Illinois matter when we meet up with OSU in the Big Ten Championship game? Nope. If we beat OSU we will be in the playoff... if we don't, we won't. The rest is all pregame warm-ups... just avoid stumbling and getting hurt (literally and figuratively). Maybe Wisconsin moves up to #4 or 5 if they win out and go to Indy. The Big Ten tiering continues to look as follows: Tier 1—Ohio State & Penn State Tier 1A—Wisconsin Tier 2—Michigan, Iowa, Northwestern, Michigan State (who is gonna lose to both OSU & PSU) Tier 3—Indiana, Maryland, Purdue Tier 4—Rutgers, MN Tier 5—IL We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game Geez, Coach, with all that doom and gloom the X’s and O’s above, do we stand a chance of beating the Lions? Fricken A, Jimmy, are you still here? Holy shit, kid, you are tenacious. Well, there is hope... …What’s worse than having a bad Defense? Having a shitty Defense! And that’s what the Lions have. …MacArthur has had two weeks to coach up Brent Hundley, although Brent was only around since this Wednesday. …The closest the Lions have come to winning a Super Bowl was their undefeated 2008 Preseason. … even if their QB in currently the best one in the division right now, let’s face it – they’re still Detroit. …MNF is not a venue for losers. The Lions will lose to the Packers on Monday Night Football. Primarily because they are outside of their food chain. They are outmanned and outgunned, and according to Packers head coach Mike McCarthy "Lion tastes good." Mike McCarthy addresses threat from Jim Caldwell (Click on Link) JB - Packers you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them This week, we reminisce about Sheboygan's 2nd favorite son (#SamDekker) and UW-LaCrosse alum, WR Billy Schroeder. Bill was drafted by the Packers in 1994. He did not quite make the team that time around, so he went to the Boston Patriots and Rhine Fire of NFL Europe. Billy returned to the Pack in 1997 and was known for his speed and getting yelled at by Mike Holmgren. Bill led the NFL in 2001 in reception yards per catch and then cashed in and went to Detroit. After bouncing around with the Lions and Buccaneers, Bill retired as a Packer in 2008. He stayed in Green Bay and became an assistant coach on Coach's son's high school football team, where they rarely win a game against mediocre competition -- a perfect fit for Bill. Assistant high school coach does fill the Hummer2 with petroleum, so Bill has earned himself a lucrative contract with Glaxo-Smith-Kline hawking Breathe Right Nasal strips. Coach's favorite memory of Bill Schroeder as a Packer was actually in the Silverdome against the Lions. Leading up to the game, Schroeder was complaining to the Packers coaches (via the local media) that he wasn't getting opportunities to showcase his talents (#KeyshonJohnson). So, on a critical 3rd down and medium distance, Favre throws the ball to Bill on a crossing route (he's wide open), but Schroeder never looks back for the ball and it bounces right off of his helmet. He was held in contempt of the court of public opinion from that point forward and his contract was not renewed. Glad everyone has been able to let bygones be bygones and Billy is now back in the Bay with us bad boys again. So, to the 2nd favorite Bill Schroeder in Wisconsin, we salute you!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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