Contrary to spineless sports reporters that hide behind thoughtless demagoguery (see also, Pete Dougherty), Coach readily gulped down a beer bong’s worth of green Kool-aide last week and correctly predicted a beat down of the Seahacks. Stop reading the newspapers, turn off the radio, just tap your smartphone bookmark for The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! and you’ll learn all you need to know. Like these guys… Plus you’ll get keen insight on the pulse of the team that can be found nowhere else. For example, ... And of course, Coach Clarahanson will have answers to the tough questions that others won’t touch… Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme “Tell me, Coach, why is it that our running backs average less than 4-yards per carry, but our wide receivers average more than 5-yards per carry out of the backfield?” Good question, Bobby. You see, it’s all about something called match-ups. “Match-ups?” Yes, match-ups. Or better yet, mis-matches. “Mis-matches?” Yes, MIS-MATCHES. Are you friggin deaf, kid? MIS-MATCHES. Some dipshits on ESPN call it an X-factor, but here’s what it comes down to: Putting a 6’ tall, 216-lb wide receiver who can tote the rock behind the QB creates quite the conundrum for defensive coordinators. If the DC wants to stop Monty’s running ability, a linebacker will be assigned to follow him relentlessly in support of the defensive front line (or "front" for short). The downside to that is, since Monty is also a speedy receiver, he can easily beat that run-stopping linebacker when he flares out of the backfield for a pass. …when A-Rod recognizes this front, he will audible to a pass for Monty (“But, Coach, how does Aaron recognize the linebacker is spying 88?” …that’s a good topic for a future X’s & O’s, but suffice it to say he watches what the linebackers do when he taps his heel to the ground to send a guy in motion). “OK, Coach, then why doesn’t the D just put one of those trendy big safeties in a linebacker position to cover Monty on pass routes?” Well, they do. And that’s why Monty is averaging 5.2 yards per carry … because our athletic linemen can easily block undersized fronts intended to thwart passes to receivers coming out of the backfield. And that, young lad, is a desirable match-up. “Thanks, Coach. Here’s another thing I get confused about when I watch NFL football … What exactly is Pass Interference?” Well, Bobby, it’s a pretty well defined and simple-to-interpret penalty. According to NFL Rule 8, Section 5, Article 2 (yes, this is the ACTUAL cover of the rulebook), … In fact, the only ways to screw up this call are macular degeneration, complete incompetence, or personal bias. Now Coach has opined several times this year already that the time has come to make PI a reviewable penalty. So, together let’s review a questionable non-call from Sunday: Jared Cook’s sideline go route on 3rd and short, which would have resulted in – at a minimum – a 1st down in field goal range. Clearly, the pride of Portland State, DeShawn Shead, violated at least 3 of the 7 prohibited Pass Interference acts on this play. Coach was at the game in his sweet 35-yard line seat and, despite consuming a modest level of antifreeze conveniently portioned in cylindrical aluminum containers, I could easily see this PI display in front of me – and, worse, I could also easily see a ref within 5 yards of these 2 players yet he failed to make the call. With instant replay technology, a penalty would have properly been called. Thank Vince this play did not have an impact on the eventual outcome of the game. “Wow, thanks, Coach! Boy, any idiot should have been able to make that call!” That’s right, Bobby. Even lawyers with steroid injected biceps who wear shrink-wrapped black and white striped shirts on NFL gridirons Sunday afternoons should be able to make that call, especially with the benefit of readily available slow-motion instant replay technology. And, ya know what, kid, I enjoyed answering that last question so much that I’ll grant you one more. “OK! Can you tell me what a ‘catch’ is?” Uh, no. Nobody can. Piss off, kid. Hey, something really cool (maybe 2 things?) by Mike McCarthy… (that’s right, I said it. Hey, I give credit when credit is due…) On 4th and short, not quite at mid-field, it was tempting to fake a punt (heck, we ALL thought Seattle was going to do it on the previous series). Very shrewdly, Eminem had Ty Montgomery run behind Center when Schum was back in punt formation. Now, they didn’t actually run the fake, but they DID force Seattle to burn a timeout early in the 2nd half – and they took a chunk out of something Seattle relies on heavily to win: momentum. Well done, sir. Oh yeah, what’s the 2nd thing? Late in the game, Christian Ringo (no relation to Christine Michael or Christian Mingle) was on the sideline with only 10 guys on the field to defend a Seattle 3rd down. It looked like he was confused and being yelled at to run onto the field before the snap; however, methinks it was a clever headfake by the big Legume in order to get a speedy 300-pounder barreling into the offensive line as the ball was snapped. If it wasn’t planned, it SHOULD be – the Seachickens were completely bewildered by Ringo’s maneuver and they didn’t know how to handle him as his inertia plowed their Guard backward into Rusty Wilson. From the stands, it looked like an awesome play. Or, maybe sometimes it’s just better to be lucky than good. WTF – The Coach’s take on a bad ref call or a bad play call or the like We’re gonna start this week’s WTF like we begin each game, with the National Anthem. Before the beatdown of the bluebirds at Lambeau, singer Brett Young screwed up the lyrics … twice. Hey, hillbilly, the words are ON the screen! Just read it! Coach gets sick to his stomach when listening to celebrities like this who lack devotion and fail to properly deliver our solemn, patriotic song. I wanna punch that guy in the face, or better yet have him go quail hunting with Dick Cheney. At Family Night, there was a local 9-year old girl who sang Francis Scott Key’s classic ode to America at Lambeau with an opera-quality voice, and she did it perfectly. She’s in 4th grade. WTF, dude? Normally respected MJS Packers insider Bob McGinn laid an egg in last Sunday’s column. Although he grew a pair and called out the Packers – saying they needed to match Seattle’s intensity in order to win, clearly he was wrong. (Click on Link) It has come to Coach’s attention that many, many followers of the Green Bay Packers live well beyond the outskirts of Suamico, Slab City, and Shoto. So, for those of you supporting the Packers from afar, I thought I'd help to keep you in tune with Packers happenings by sharing some of the big Packers news stories from this week's Green-Bay Press Gazette: California Rookie WR Trevor Davis Buys 1st Winter Coat at Dick's Sporting Goods in Ashwaubenon Backup QB Brett Hundley Bow Hunts in WR Jeff Janis' Backyard There, now you should be all caught up…You're welcome. BTW, I'm withholding my commentary on why I think the bow hunting reporter is a racist, but I do look forward to his upcoming feature article on Packers that can swim. The Bears Still Suck – the Coach has proof Good thing we’re playing the Bears this week. That makes it 4 wins in a row! Just need the Giants to do what the Bears couldn’t (beat Detroit), and we are on our way to SB51. Good thing Coach’s niece lives in Houston. I’m sure she won’t mind us coming down there for a week and using her place as CenCom for refills of ice and pizza deliveries. Who’s with me!? Of course we couldn’t count on the Bears to beat the Cryons in Rock City…WR drops the 4th down pass that would have put them in FG range to tie the game as time ran out. And that, of course, followed the mandated phantom holding calls against the Bears late in the game as outlined in Appendix B of the NFL bylaws post-1985. Man, they suck. But I give John Fox credit for exiling Jay Cutler (er, putting him on IR) in order to remain competitive in games. So what’s Jay been up to? (Click on Link) Bears senior executive, Barry Dingle, was in New York this week lobbying the NFL to schedule 4 games against the Cleveland Browns each year in order to give fans the appearance of a .500 team. Said Dingle, “After careful consideration, we’ve offered to forego all playoff tie-breaker scenarios in consideration of the 4-wins format, if it even comes to that. We could have been 7-9 this year if we played the Browns 4 times. That’s good enough to be in the playoffs, right? Well, isn’t it? Wait…why is everybody laughing?” Udder stuff – commentary from the Badger Underground Russell Wilson Joins Elite Company in UW Badger QB Hall of Fame More than having a smokin’ hot wife, Russell has entered the UWBFQB hall of fame as the latest in a long line of Sconnie QB’s that have become leading NFL quarterbacks. In fact, his latest performance against the Packers puts him in the lead in the most pass attempts (2,178) – he now has more than doubled the NFL pass attempts of any other Badger QB. And with 44 INT’s, he is also closing in fast on Randy Wright’s record 57 passes caught by someone on the other team. Going by last weekend’s stellar Lambeau performance with 5 INT’s, it should not be long before he takes the lead in that category as well! Way to go Russell! Here is a synopsis of the other big time NFL QB’s hailing from UW:
4. Jim Sorgi – Although he never started a game in the NFL, Jimmy was Payton Manning’s back up at Indy 2004-2009 and is still a dead ringer for Milwaukee Brewers Manager, Craig Counsell. In Indy, he was as busy as a Maytag repair man. 5. Scott Tolzien – Journeyman Scott was claimed as an UFA by SF and then passed through GB a coupletwotree years ago, and now gives pointers to Andrew Luck. 6. John Stocco - Stocco declared for the 2007 NFL Draft following the 2006 season, but was not selected (ouch). He was invited for a three-day tryout with the Green Bay Packers, but did not get a contract. He was subsequently invited to try out with the New York Giants, but did not make the roster. He then bought some instant water, but did not know what to add. 7. Darrell Bevell – The Seattle OC, Darrell peaked in college (and awesomely ran in a Rose Bowl winning touchdown right in front a heavily inebriated gathering of team Clarahanson/Badger-Underground), though he did not play in the NFL. Yeah, I was just being sarcastic about the effectiveness of Randy Wright's message in his PSA. I drink to excess all the time. Just like you! We’re gonna kick you’re a$$ - predictions for the next game Chicago Study: Office Packers Fans Up To 238% More Obnoxious This Week A study released today by the Chicago Workpeoples' Association (CWA) found that the office Packers fan has become up to 238% more obnoxious this week. "This is just incredible. We haven't seen a spike like this since, well, you know," said CWA spokesman Jim Stansel, referring of course to the NFC Championship game in 2011 when Team Clarahanson descended upon the spaceship toilet bowl en route to Super Bowl 45. The study indicated, to little surprise, that Packers fan obnoxiousness has been on a steady simmer ever since the 26-10 Week 7 win over the Bears at Lambeau. However, after the Packers impressive win over Seattle last Sunday, office Packers fans have begun to perk up in a big way. The study noted that mentions of "Aaron Rodgers" and "Jordy Nelson" had increased by 152% and 134%, respectively, within Chicago workplaces this week. It also reported several instances of Packers fans worming boasts about the team into conversations about seemingly unrelated topics such as President-elect Trump’s likely cabinet appointments, Die Hard -- a Christmas movie?, and why $10 is the logical choice for a white elephant gift amount even though the office party organizer either picks $5 (can't get crap) or $15 (too much for people that you really only pretend to like so 8-hours doesn't feel like 8-days). Same ol’ Jay is still out, which makes the Bears’ chances better, and Alshon Jeffry will be back from his 4-game suspension for violating the league’s substance abuse policy (again). Coach has rare footage of the events preceding Mr. Jeffry’s indictment (Click on Link). But it’s the Bears’ defense that has improved the most over the course of the year (particularly their D-line performance), and they are noticeably better than what we saw in Lambeau Week 7. That said, their secondary is possibly the worst that A-Rod has faced in a while, so look for him to carve them up on the frigid lakeshore. In the all-time series between these two teams, there have been 6 ties, the Bears have 94 wins, and the Packers have 93. From those 193 games, the teams are basically tied in all-time scoring (17.1 vs. 17.2). But the most important stat, quantity of championships, isn’t even close. We are WAY ahead of da Bears (44% more), 13 to 9. We have been leading in that regard for more than 50 years! This season, the Bears are giving up an average of (can you guess?) 17 points! So, we score more than 17, then we should win (if history has anything to do with it, which it actually doesn't ... still fun, though). What DOES have something to do with it... The Pack is on a roll, peaking at the right time, and the Bears still suck. It makes no matter that the natural elements of Soldier field are less than ideal; for, like a Gay Focker, Rodgers passes on grass -- ALL the time. Eminem will pull A-Rod out at garbage time again and, in the process, not show the Queens too much on film for next week. Packers 27 – Bears 16. The all time series? ...it will be all tied up. Book it. JB – Packer greats you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them If this column was called “JM” instead of JB, it would stand for John McNally. But Coach, wasn’t his nickname “Blood” …as in Johnny “Blood” McNally? Yes, it was. …And I thought I told you to beat it, kid. Johnny “Blood” McNally was Joe Brown’s favorite historical player. For those few of you who didn’t know Joe Brown, he was the greatest Packer fan of all time. That’s been well documented as historical fact and, as Jerry Jones would say, it’s not even a debate. Weird that Bob Harlan wouldn’t grant Joe a field level ticket request for what he knew was his last visit to Lambeau as Joe was battling ALS (a.k.a. “Lou Gehrig’s disease”) as a young husband and father of 3. Harlan did offer up “handicapped parking and a wheelchair spot” but Joe would have none of it … he soldiered through in great discomfort on the metal benches, was thankful to be at the game and was glad they won that day. I’m sure the former Packers President is otherwise a decent guy, so it’s really too bad Bob Harlan will burn in hell for that. Anyways, on to Johnny “Blood”… Behind Coach’s sweet 35-yard line seat on the visitor’s side of Lambeau, up on the Packer Ring Of Honor, you’ll see Johnny “Blood” McNally and his years as a Green Bay Packer. Is that the coolest football name ever, or what? This is John McNally holding his own bust (I knew a chick who did that all the time at keggers). It’s also cool that pretty good future players Bart Starr and Eddy Lacy both got to wear his jersey number(s). As legendary off the field as he was on it, John McNally was a central figure in the Packers' early championship success. More importantly, he preceded the birth and subsequent Public Service Announcement of Randy Wright, so he could not help but fall into the category of “massive partier” and was an early role model for “git yer werk dun by day en party at night, eh?” types. George Clooney played “Dodge Connelly” in the movie Leatherheads, which was loosely based on John McNally’s football life. One of Coach’s favorite Dodge Connelly quotes from that movie is “You’re only as young as the woman you feel.” In 1922, while working for a newspaper in Minneapolis and still answering to the name John McNally, he and a friend, Ralph Hanson heard they could make extra money by playing football for a semipro football team in the city. They decided to try out under fake names, which would protect McNally's amateur standing in case Notre Dame agreed to take McNally back someday after having been kicked out. They headed over to the team's practice field on McNally's motorcycle. "On the way there", McNally said, "we passed a theater on Hennepin Avenue, and up on the marquee I saw the name of the movie that was playing, Blood and Sand with Rudolph Valentino. Ralph was behind me on the motorcycle, and I turned my head and shouted, 'That's it. I'll be Blood and you be Sand.'" Of course he would say that … He got to be “Johnny Blood” while the other guy had to “Ralph Sand.” Johnny Blood played for Duluth, Milwaukee and Pottsville, and upon coming to Green Bay Curly Lambeau offered him a salary of $110 a week if he did not drink after Wednesday, but only $100 if he did. Of course, Johnny Blood accepted the $100 a week option. (Blood) McNally's Career Stats: We make a lot out of Ty Montgomery both running and receiving, but the Packers, Lambeau and Johnny Blood basically invented the idea of the running back /receiver. Have a look at his average yards/catch of 16.7 for his career. That would put him right at the top of the league table today. And... remember…in his day the ball was a bit more closely shaped to a rugby ball, so it was both more difficult to throw and to catch than it is today. Not too shabby, John McNally.
BTW, to close out this JB, I thought you should know that, if you stated any jersey number, Joe Brown could -- without hesitation -- name for you 2 or more Packers throughout history who wore that number. For example, if you said “15” Joe would say “Bart Starr and Johnny Blood” before you could blink. …and he was not just dedicated to the great ones. He was just as attentive to the likes of Bucky Scribner (13), Paul McJulian (16), Scott Brunner (18), Vinny Clark (25), Harlan Huckleby (35), Tom Flynn (41), LeShon Johnson (42), Mark Cannon (56), Dave Croston (60), Jerry Boyarski (61), Keith Uecker (70), … you get the idea. I remember visiting Joe at his place of employment one Tuesday afternoon and randomly blurting out “73” to which he quickly responded “Alan Veingard and Steve Okoniewski” as we drank cans of Busch Light out of the hidden compartment in his office refrigerator. We miss you, Joe. Respect.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
Categories |