Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Remember that video store called BLOCKBUSTER? It was owned by Waste Management garbage/recycling magnate, and Miami Dolphins, Florida Marlins and Florida Panthers owner wealthy Wayne Huizenga (a FIB by birth, but was smart enough to leave Illinoise to get rich during the cocaine '80s era by consuming second hand Pablo Escobar money while Glenn Frey broke up The Eagles to do cameos on Miami Vice). Well, the last time Mrs. Coach went to BLOCKBUSTER (circa 1997), she brought home a movie that she predicted I wouldn’t like (hint: Coach never liked a movie Mrs. Coach brought home, but he keeps that to himself because – hey, it’s movie night and… you know). Anyways, 15 minutes into Sunday’s game I found myself saying the same thing that I said to Mrs. Coach 15 minutes into that video: “I’ve seen this movie before.” Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme It must have Orange Julius that beat us, right? Flat out no. We didn’t do all that well against him, but Coach is here to tell you flat out we sucked on D….and it’s not passing defense, it’s run defense. In an almost eerily exact replica of the last nightmare, we were down 24-7 at halftime and 31-7 less than a minute into the third period. Let’s kick the rest of the garbage out to the curb right away…..and get back to the D in a minute. Seventy yards lost on 10 penalties and two turnovers by the Pack vs. 32 yards on 6 for the flaconnette Falcons -- including the scoop and score TD on Rodgers fumble, put the Packers in a hole too deep to climb out of for a road game. Yeah, some of the calls were questionable and some of you don’t like hearing Collinsworth & Michaels explain it…but folks we had 10 penalties for 70 yards -- including seven for 50 yards in the first half alone. That is just poor football. (As an aside, Coach was shocked at how quiet the Atlanta Flatulents crowd was for the opening of their new VW Field in a blowout win, and – how great and loud the Packer fans were, despite the travesty unfolding before them.) Injuries to both tackles put Rodgers on the run virtually the whole game and he didn’t have much run support. Playing from behind after Atlanta went up 7-0 on the first drive, the Packers only had 15 carries for 59 yards in the whole game. The net result is that Rodger’s was chucking it all over the place and ended up throwing 50 times with a below-average 90.7 rating. With 3 of 5 offensive lineman banged up the Offense only managed 7 points in the first quarter, but Coach remains optimistic that the Offense will be solved by week 5 or 6. Typically we struggle out of the gate, and the injuries this year have started to pile-up, nevertheless Rodgers & McScrutiny are likely to figure out the winning formula for 2017 in a week or two. So why is Coach upset about the Packers D, and the run D in particular? For the game the Falconets had 141 rushing yards on 27 carries for a 5.2 yds/carry average. This was not Ron Dayne against Upper West Arkansas Junior College, this was an NFL Team running against Dom Capers’ new Noxious Defensive Package. As you probably have already read on lesser Packers informational outlets, the new Nitwit Defensive Package is based on the premise that – if we have fast guys, they can outrun the fast guys on the other team. It features two DL, three LB’s and six DB’s, sort of looks like a DII basketball team defending the three-point shot while ignoring the hoop. This Defensive alignment drives Coach nuts because the run game is predicated on driving the other guy out of the way, not based on speed. Coach can think of no better way to characterize the Falcons game than by analyzing the first drive of the game. The Pack won the opening coin toss and deferred to 2nd half. Mylanta received the opening kick-off and returned it to the 14 yard line, which normally means your team has an excellent shot to steal back a possession. Not so fast Dommy boy. We showed no ability to deter them at all, they held the ball for 5:09 while they were going 86 yards in 9 plays, and they gained almost 10-yards per snap rate. UFB. But the big news is that the Falcons are very smart and they also read Coach’s insight. They ACTUALLY RAN 6 OF THE 9 PLAYS, INCLUDING THE LAST ONE, RUNNING IT INTO THE END ZONE. Ironically, much of the time the NITRO package lines up in a relatively standard 4 (DL) – 3 (LB) – 4 (DB) formation, but two of the DL are replaced by LB’s and 2 of the LB”s are replaced by DB’s…so in reality it’s a 2 – 3 – 6 formation, with no beef to stop the run. On the last play of the Falcons opening drive they had a 3rd & Goal at the 3 yard line. The photo below is from just seconds before the snap and you can see that Atlanta is in a “heavy” set, 2 TE’s, 1 WR, a FB and HB. Naturally we would counter with classic goal line stand, with 8 or 9 DL and LB’s, right? Hell no, we lined up the Ashwaubenon HS Cross-Country team and the Blackbirds easily penetrated the end zone. (Coach’s firm belief is that the actual Ashwaubenon HS CC team would have done better. The girl’s team.) Moments later Coach punted his remote through the front window as Devonte Freeman easily ran into the end zone standing up. This crappy D always plays well against the crappy teams so that Murphy can hand out his participation medals in February. They just don’t play well when it matters. That’s why this dish is gaining in popularity… If there was one bright spot on D, #1 Pick Kevin King played in 46 snaps and made three tackles — including an impressive open-field stop of Falcons running back Tevin Coleman — and tallied his first career NFL pass break up. Ha-Ha’s homie from Alabammy, Quinton Dial, also played 34 snaps and looked OK, so we’ll keep an eye on his progression. So much for those three running backs drafted back in April, Ty Montgomery is looking more like a legitimate starter and he had 35 rushing yards on 10 carries (the Packers were playing from behind all game) but added six receptions for 75 yards and two total touchdowns. Note: Eddie Lacy was a healthy scratch for the Seattle Seahawks this week. WTF - The Coach's take on what’s messed up in football lately McCarthy Fires Head Physician GREEN BAY—Long time Team Physician (and unofficial locker room photographer) Pepper Burruss was released by the Packers early Monday morning for what team spokesperson Randy Aussie referred to as “…inability to field a healthy squad for one freaking game.” Burruss’ replacement has not yet officially been named, but Rob Demovsky of the ESPN Future Sports Reporters Apprenticeship Program (FSRAP) has indicated that the job is in all likelihood between Packers Strength & Conditioning Assistant Coach Chris Gizzi (of post-911 flag-carrying fame), and former NFL journeyman QB Chris Chandler. When learning of the abrupt change in physician staff, Tight End Martellus Bennett dropped a pass. In related fitness training news, (ouch)… Click on Link One of Mike Holmgren’s greatest coaching skills was his ability to adjust strategy in-game based on how circumstances unfolded, and he masterfully managed games. Honestly, do you ever remember criticizing him for a bad decision during a game? Nope. When they lost, it was clearly player fault – not sideline ineptitude (#TJRubley)…or it was the referees in Dallas. In contrast, McCarthy’s worst skill is his inability to manage in-game decisions at the Head Coach level. In the span of about 2 minutes of game time, we went down by 3 touchdowns. And, although Coach isn’t happy about any of them, 2 of them were completely avoidable (and we should have won by 4 points). Let’s face it, things just didn’t go our way in the 2nd Quarter…culminating in that turning point phantom pick-play penalty. Shit happens. Sometimes you just gotta pack it in for the half and regroup … especially when you know you’re gonna get the ball to start the 3rd quarter. After all, you DID defer to the 2nd half, right? But Mike McDonald broke into his best rendition of David Coverdale circa 1987 Whitesnake “Here I Go Again” dialing up too much Offensive aggression deep in his own territory with long down and distance and a minute left in the half. Instead of keeping your team within shooting distance and giving your team a chance to run the ball in the 3rd period, and despite having 2 backup tackles and no Jordy Nelson, MM kept ordering Aaron to sling it down the field. That shit is fine when you’re playing the Browns or the 49ers, but not the Seahawks and definitely not the Falcons in Atlanta when they are opening the season in their brand new stadium. THINK, you knucklehead. You’re the Head Coach, not the Offensive Coordinator anymore (#Belichicksmart). The Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof “We need a better punter.” CHICAGO—Following the team’s blowout 29-7 loss to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday, Chicago Bears quarterback Mike Glennon told reporters that -- despite his lost fumble and interception, he would be the first person to admit the team is in dire need of a new punter. “It’s certainly not an easy thing to say, but at the end of the day, someone has to step up and accept that mistakes were made by our punter, Pat O'Donnell” remarked Glennon, who pointed to O’Donnell's shanked punt in the third quarter as playing a major role in the team’s unraveling and conceded that blame for the team’s loss rested squarely on the veteran punter. “Going forward, there will have to be some serious adjustments made to our punt unit—when individual players aren’t doing their part out there, we’re going to fall short as a team. Pat didn’t play well, and he needs to accept responsibility for that.” Glennon went on to acknowledge that Bears long snapper Andrew DePaola will also need to step up his performance significantly before next week’s game against the Steelers if the team is to have any chance of turning its 0-2 season around. When reached for comment, Head Coach John Fox boasted “Our loss to Tampa was important for the hurricane stricken citizens of Florida. Sometimes nice guys finish last, but it’s worth it when you think of all the spirits you’ve lifted along the way. Sure, the date of our final game this season will probably be confirmed before the Cubs’ last game is, but Tampa has a real shot at making the playoffs. Reducing their chances by winning today would have been just plain mean to the folks that live around here. By the way, did you hear that many workers in Pittsburgh steel mills lost their jobs over the last 10 years? People should talk more about that this week.” Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Let’s try to find fault and opportunities for improvement in Bucky’s decisive 40-6 win against the Roaring Cougs of BYU on Saturday. Let’s think for a second. Anyone have any pointers? Beuler? No, because it is really tough to find any fault in anything the Badgers did. The best negative comment we can come up with about this road trip is that the PBR swilling, beer pong playing Badger fans (Click on Link) trying to tailgate were forced to party pre-game at a hotel in Grand Junction, Colorado 240 miles away. Coach was slightly worried about winning, given that this was an away game, at a high altitude venue, and the fact that over the last 25 years we tend to lose a very win-able game at some point in the season to mar an otherwise perfect season (see Cincy in ‘98 or the Goofs in ’93). Alas, this was not that game! Lefty sophomore Joe Willie Hornibrook broke legendary Badger QB Darrell Bevell’s completion record of completing 18 of 19 attempts (and the missed completion was a ball that hit the receiver in the hands). This was after a couple games where the QB and receivers were not in synch and there were nauseating cases of the dropsies. This result was a BIG POSITIVE in our book! The D was fairly stingy, limiting the anemic BYU offense to a below-average performance even for them. Backup redshirt freshman Merrell Hoge, Jr filled in for a hobbled starting BYU QB and shot his wad early. Ol’ Teddy T certainly has a gleam in his eye over RB Ula Tulatau who looked tough during the first quarter and finished with 58 yards. Similarly, Squally Canada (9 yards, 3 carries) must be on Ted’s radar screen as well -- if for nothing else but his name appeal. On offense, our receivers caught everything (except one) in sometimes challenging situations. The running game was solid with true freshman Jonathan Taylor leading the way, even though there were no huge runs…note that the BYU run defense are no slouches. Above all, the OL was the star squad, spanking the poor Mormons relentlessly in pass protection and clearing lanes -- even for the garbage time squad. If we continue on this track through the Big Ten schedule, NCAA playoffs are a real possibility. …although Purdue and Maryland might be sneaky-good this year…watch out! Bucky moved up in the subjective, politicized, media influenced rankings, so we have that going for us. We are even ahead of the Buckeyes. Too bad USC beat Texas in OT, or we woulda moved up more, and the Big Ten woulda looked better by virtue of the Maryland win over Texas. Since Bucky now has a bye week, we will analyze the upcoming Big Ten opener against the Northworstern Mildcats in our next edition. We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game As they say, never get too excited by one win or one loss. The Packers looked awful last week, but as with most NFL games there were a handful of plays that made the difference. This week’s game is against the Cincinnati Bungles, and they may have just the cure for what the Packers need. The tiggers Offensive juggernaut has scored only 9 points in 2 games. Cincy QB Andy Dalton owns a 54.5 completion percentage, zero touchdown passes, four interceptions and a 47.2 rating. Hopefully we can continue that trend for him. But as of mid-week this week we had 13 guys on the injury list, including most of our best players. Pass rusher Nick Perry (hand surgery required) was a new addition to the injury report this week, joining the likes of Jordy Nelson (was kneed in thigh, swelling during game), Mike Daniels (re-aggravated hip), and Randall Cobb (too short). The Packers were already without left tackle David Bakhtiari (strained tongue) and right tackle Bryan Bulaga (FIBitus). But it’s going to be in the mid-80’s for this late September kickoff on Sunday. That’s 2 weeks in a row that Coach can’t go bow hunting because of the very real threat of being eaten alive by mosquitos in my tree stand. Nary a sighting of spike bucks tied with twine onto minivan rooftops was had last weekend either. The good lord would not have me stay out of the woods unless a Packers victory was guaranteed, right? Besides, November 20 of this year is the 25th anniversary of Brett Favre's debut with the Green Bay Packers, a comeback win over Cincinnati. …you remember that historic 1st TD pass of his to Kitrick Taylor, right? We won’t lose to them now either. Pack 37, Bengals 13. JB - Packers you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them Because of you, the loyal Coach Clarahanson Show!!! reader who has asked for more stories about Lombardi’s guys, we return this week to the glory years by honoring Bob Jeter. In the 1959 Rose Bowl, the Iowa Hawkeyes defeated the California Golden Bears, 38–12. Robert DeLafayette Jeter, Jr., Iowa's star halfback, was named the Rose Bowl Player Of The Game and Iowa was subsequently named national champion by the Football Writers poll. After that, Jeter went to British Columbia (that’s in Canada) to play for the BC Lions of the CFL for 3 years before joining the Green Bay Packers of the USA’s National Football League. Jeter won 3 NFL championships as the Packers cornerback from 1963-1970, coming to the team the year after Green Bay had won 2 consecutive championships. For those scoring at home, that's 5 NFL championships in the '60s (which should be the standard for every decade...I'm talking to you, Mark Murphy). When Jeter's performance started to slide in the twilight of his playing years, he was scooped up by the Bears where he finished out his career. Bob Jeter is also less famous for his offspring, Rob (attaway to keep things not confusing in the house), who was a disciple of legendary Wisconsin basketball coach, Bo Ryan. Rob Jeter was briefly hired as head coach of the UWM (University of Weak Minds) men’s basketball team in Milwaukee after the dismissal of Bruce Pearl (who had just teased the nation with surprising NCAA-tourney success amidst conduct unbecoming of the school, and was subsequently scooped up by the Machiavellian A.D. at Tennessee). Unfortunately for Rob, it turns out he stunk as a head coach and recruiter, and left the UWM men’s basketball program in shambles. In 1985 Rob’s dad, Bob, was inducted into the Packers Hall of Fame. He died in Chicago (see also, Dreams) 9 years ago of cardiac arrest at the relatively young age of 71, but Bob Jeter was a great Packer and we salute him as a 3-time world champion! Now we're gonna go kick the Bengals ass. See ya!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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