Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme The best that can be said for the Week 3 game against the Ohio River Bungles is that we won. We won despite, alas in spite of, the M.A.S.H.-like status of the injury list. This felt like one of those games where Colonel Potter lost complete control of the roster. All 7 game-day inactives were starters, and Brian Bulaga only lasted about half of the game until he re-aggravated his kankle. To win with that many starters missing is an accomplishment. The win was ugly for sure, but we’re not apologizing for beating the “best 0-2 team in the league, who are way better than their record” according to Rob Demovsky and other people that Coach has zero literary respect for. Oh, by the way, when the season is over, this W will count. Packers head coach Mel McCarthy was quoted after the game as having said “…we will advance thru adversity after a juggernaut game last week.” Please message Coach CH if you have any idea what that means. The first half was fugly as the Falcons (oops) Bengals converted 4/5 third-downs on scoring drives of 79 yards and 60 yards. Combine that with the Pick-6 on Rodgers and the Bungles were up a comfortable 21-7 at halftime. The 14-0 deficit in the second quarter is getting to be a trend with Pack, now 34-0 over the last two games. A deficit that can obviously overcome at home against a mediocre team, but not on the road against a playoff quality team. Now the good news. With rookies and first time starters all over the line-up we won the game. After a rough start, the Packers didn’t give up another third-down conversion (excluding a 4th Qtr PI on Kevin King). The defense woke up on the final five drives, with second-half sacks from Josh Jones (2 total) and Ahmad Brooks giving the Packers the stops they needed to get the game into overtime. Jones also had a key 3rd-down tackle to start the extra period, which gave Rodgers a chance to win it. Previously injured rookie DT from Auburn, Morticiavious Adams, had several snaps and looked decent, and Morgan Burnett was all over the secondary, playing 3 different positions (Nitro LB, Slot Corner and Safety). Unfortunately, one alarming development has emerged. As Clay Matthews closes in on the franchise record for sacks, Coach has noticed that he’s a bit envious of newly acquired Ahmad Brooks and is worried that Brooks will eclipse his spotlight this year. Clay is shown here below trying to prevent Brooks from sacking Bungles QB Andy Warhol. Oh, the other good news? We have AR & Lambeau! Combine the lack of a running game with constant pressure, injuries at both offensive tackle spots, no Randall Cobb and the Packers still scored 27 points. Sure-handed Lance Kendricks had his first TD of the year; keep an eye on him as he will regularly be open with all of the attention on Germichael Finley (oops) Michael Bennett. Rodgers did it all, completing 28 passes for 313 yards and 4 scrambles for 23 yards. And Lambeau? The crowd was rocking! Even thought it was a Milwaukee Season Ticket Holder Game (Golden Ticket), the crowd was L.O.U.D. (Although for the 2nd home game in a row AR had to quiet the crowd when we were on offense. What’s with you, dumbasses?) Injuries are going to be a big part of the story this year. Coming out of the Bengals game we have both a lengthy injury list and a fully loaded IR/PUP list. Ponder this for a full nano-second, the top-5 tackles who entered training camp are all injured. Bakhtiari and Bulaga are injured (the only 2 tackles with experience on our roster) yet still on the active roster, but “Dawnny” Barclay, Jason Spriggs and now Kyle Murphy + long snapper Brett Goode are on IR. Sheeeez! Let’s hope Colonel Potter can find 45 guys to suit up Thursday night. WTF - The Coach's take on what’s messed up in football lately Players Ignoring National Anthem Sends Fans into Mass Ambivalence GREEN BAY- Sunday afternoon before kickoff, upon the sight of NFL players remaining seated on the bench during the musical rendition of Francis Scott Key's poem and ode to our country's flag, "The Defense of Fort McHenry" (a.k.a. the Star-Spangled Banner), an oppressive wave of ambivalence seemed to settle over Packer Nation. The acquisition of outspoken players like Martellus Bennett, Lance Kendricks and Kevin King, who have carried Wisconsinites' hopes for a Super Bowl on their shoulders since the start of training camp, drove many to a maddening indecisiveness on how to react when these players remained seated on the bench while others were locked arm-in-arm on the sideline. Sunday's sit-down brought a simmering political wort to a boil. "A bunch of people in my section immediately voiced their support for these players, though there were some who wanted to wait and see how well they played before making any judgments." Said longtime Packers fan Pat McRoin, "As long as we win, I don't care what they do. I remember when Lofton forced chicks to go down on him in a nightclub stairwell. If we can sweep that shit under the rug and put him in Packer Hall of Fame, I can keep my eyes on the Jumbotron during the National Anthem. At least that way I'll get the words right. I always forget that 'Whose broad stripes and bright stars' part." The cowering offices at 1265 Lombardi Avenue again refused to make any official statement on the demonstration, citing a "no-win situation" media clause. Despite all the political rhetoric as the season unfolds, from the sound of each game’s first whistle until the final gun, Packers fans can still look forward to being entertained by bone crushing blows, which will in all likelihood result in legal battles over head trauma years down the road -- that inevitably yield similar ambivalence. Noteworthy, some oft-concussed former players were also part of the pregame demonstration on Sunday. The Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof Diehard 8-Year-Old Chicago Bears Fan Showing Early Signs of Masochism LOCKPORT, IL—Expressing a mixture of alarm and heartache over the boy’s recently discovered disorder, the parents of diehard 8-year-old Chicago Bears fan Conner Evans told reporters Tuesday that their son had begun showing early signs of masochism. “A year ago we identified the first stages of his condition, and it’s been absolutely devastating as a parent to see our little boy struggling with something like this,” said the boy’s mother Lindsey, noting with sadness that the little boy’s self-flagellation includes watching the entirety of every Bears preseason game, regularly checking their official team Twitter page, and, in perhaps the most tragic and definitive confirmation of his disorder, recently purchasing a Pernell McPhee poster to proudly display in his bedroom. “I thought something might be wrong when Conner made himself so angry by obsessively rewatching clips of the Bears blowing late-game leads last year, but it was his insistence that they’re going to be good this season in the face of all objective reasoning that confirmed his masochism for me. I want to help him, but we’ve been told there’s very little we can do. I just hope he can stay strong, because he will most likely be dealing with this for the rest of his life.” The boy’s grief-stricken mother added that it was hard not to blame the boy’s condition on his father, a sadist who likely inflicted his longtime Bears fandom on his son. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Big Ten Update: Our crack investigative reporter was able to obtain this secret and salacious dossier of a double secret emergency meeting at Big Ten HQ in Chicago last week. A faction led by the AD’s from Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State want a division realignment, citing a perennial patsy schedule for Wisconsin and near automatic championship berth. Our reporter was able to learn about several proposals which include: The top Eastern team this year will trade with Illinois for the 2018 season.
Bucky was idle this week, but there was a superficial analysis of weak points of each ranked team on ESPN.com which caught our eye. The ESPN analysis of the Badgers amounted to a glowing review which in a nutshell says:
Gaglionone is certainly a risk in any upcoming tight game with his hit and miss place kicking. Perhaps he should lay off the South Milwaukee diet and try the South Beach. We need to avoid more injuries especially to Hornibrook and the LB’s. Our run defense in particular is un-tested. The secondary looks great against a fill in BYU QB, but what will happen against McSorely in December? Moreover, here are a couple pointers to consider:
After next week at lowly Nebraska, we need to pay attention to Purdue and Maryland, although each squad lost this week with Maryland turning in an especially piss-poor, putrid performance. Rankings Analysis (as if it really matters): Bucky moved down a notch after being passed by Georgia and TCU with Okie State moving down. Big whup. Regarding the aforementioned strength of schedule, Maryland did us no favors by losing big to Central Florida, nor did MSU who lost big to over rated and unranked Notre Dame. What has happened to MSU? They still benefit from easy entrance requirements for those recruits who cannot get into Michigan or Wisconsin, or would be buried on the depth chart at tOSU. All this nonsense will come out in the wash if Bucky keeps winning. We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game Coach supposes that you are aware the Bears beat the Steelers 23-17 on a Jordan Howard rushing TD in OT. Coach is not sure if you know the rest of the offensive story…in true Bears fashion they have found in QB Mike Glennon a very able replacement for “Jay” (if you are still struggling for a definition of “one dimensional,” Coach will lend you his H.S. Geometry text book). Coach is very certain that one of our very able young DB’s will have a Pick-6 and continue Jay’s tradition at Lambeau. That’s the “good news” for this coming Thursday. The bad news? The Bears, at 33 minutes, dominated the time of possession, ran the ball well, played very good special teams and matched Pittsburgh at 2 turnovers each. Jordan Howard had 138 yards rushing with a 6 yards/carry average and has led the Bears to the third best rushing attack in the NFL at 5 yards/carry. We have struggled mightily against the run thanks to our new Nitro, NASCAR & Noxious defensive packages…so buckle your chin strap we are going to see Howard carry the ball 30 times on Thursday night. Further bad news? The Bears have a good defense again. You may recall that Coach did an in-depth analysis on Mr. Vic Fangio’s 3-4 defense last year (see Packers-Bears 2016 post archives). The Bears are now starting to shape into the same sort of swarming/blitzing defense that tormented the Packers when Fangio was DC under Khaki Pants Harbaugh in San Francisco. The Bears have some real studs in the Front 7 … including book-end OLB’s Willie Young and last year’s #1 Pick Leonard Floyd. With our meatball-surgery recipients at the tackle spots, Rodgers is going to be running for his life all night and we will be limited to quick-rhythm-short-passing and running. ….but the Bears are also the comedic gift that keeps on giving. In a true “only this franchise can really suck this bad” kind of moment…the Bears should have won the Steelers game in regulation. Classic Bears Fail (Click on Link) The picture above hardly does justice to the “galactically stupid” Marcus Cooper (from that football powerhouse, Rutgers) of the Chicago Bears showboating his blocked field goal return by (attempting) to walk into the endzone, only to have the ball swatted away on the 1 yard line. Most of the time the play-by-play description of a game is kind of dry and goes something like: “2nd & 6 @ 34, B.Bob run right for 3 yards" So just out of curiosity, Coach had to see how they wrote this one up. Well, here it is (note: even the play-by-play guys were laughing while writing-up this record length play)… To make it even more "so typical" Bears…the part that is really, really, really funny and really, really, really typical: they get the ball for an untimed down at the ½ yard line, where you assume Jordan Howard will punch it into the EZ, and they jump for a 5-yard illegal procedure penalty!!! Only the Bears can twice, count it twice, during 0:00 secs of elapsed game clock, turn 7 points into zero points twice and then settle for 3…putting themselves into an OT game that they could have won in regulation (but actually should have lost -- the FG attempt before halftime should have never been granted with an offensive penalty when there is no time left on the clock). Bear down Chicago Bears…you are putz’s. In moments like this, perhaps we can better understand the Bears if we turn to the poetic prose expressions of the NFL’s fans overseas…. If you need this translated, you are probably a Bears fan. So, there you have it folks…more insightful analysis...in the end the Packers, despite having Dom Legume at Defensive Coordinator, will beat an improving Bears team 21-17, because:
JB - Packers you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them Perhaps one of the most influential contributions to Green Bay’s early Super Bowl success was the great homework done by the Packers scout, George Halas, Sr. You see, back then, NFL teams would only scout other NFL teams, because they didn’t play any AFL teams. That is until Tom Miller, assistant to the Packers’ general manager, hired George Halas to do just that. I know what you’re thinking (…that name, it … it just sounds so familiar. Why do I know that name?). Well, does George – “Papa Bear” – Halas ring a bell? I knew you could make the connection! Even way back in 1966, the Bears sucked. So much so that they didn’t make the playoffs (just like the modern day Chicago Bears) and George J. Halas, Sr., Chicago Bears scout (and nephew of George S. “Papa Bear” Halas, Sr.) found himself at home in December instead of scouting another opponent. So on the Sunday before Christmas when Tom Miller sent his pro scouting staff of 1 (Wally Cruise) to Yankee Stadium to watch the Giants face the Dallas Cowboys, he also put Halas on a plane to San Diego to watch the Kansas City Chiefs defeat the Chargers (I bet you didn't know that -- WAY back then -- the Chargers actually played in San Diego, not Los Angeles ... it's true ... look it up!). Halas sent the Packers his scouting report on the Chiefs, and they liked it so much that they hired him for another week – sending him with Cruise to the AFL Championship Game in Buffalo on New Year’s Day 1967. Halas delivered his AFL Championship game scouting report on the Chiefs to Lombardi the next day, and he helped craft the game plan for Super Bowl Uno. In particular, he emphasized that KC’s deep backs played WAY too deep and suggested that the Packers send fullback Jim Taylor into the line on a fake and throw to the tight end or split end cutting short over the middle (#maxmcgee). The result: 35-10 Packers, and the coveted trophy became named after the Packers' legendary coach. But there’s more… You see, back then scouts had to have another job besides their weekend scouting (because scout pay didn’t last all year long). So during the week, the 42-year old George Halas also sold GE products out of their Wiring Services division. In February 1967, soon after the Super Bowl I victory, Halas talked the Packers into buying a soil-heating system for cold-climate athletic fields called the “electric-blanket” to be located 6-inches under the playing surface. But on December 31 of that same year, the system Halas sold to the Packers had malfunctioned in the subzero cold, leaving moisture on the field while it was covered by a tarp. Immediately after the tarp was removed -- the moisture froze, creating conditions more like an ice rink than a football field. That, of course, was the Ice Bowl! The Dallas punks couldn’t deal with the ice and, alas, we went on to Super Bowl II.
BTW, George J. Halas, Sr. was born in 1919 … just like the Packers! After his contributions to the Packers, he continued to serve as the Bears lead scout until 1974, and he passed away in 2000. Thank you, Papa Bear’s nephew of the same name, for helping us win the first 2 Super Bowls. You sucked in Chicago, but you don’t suck here. Sa-lute!
2 Comments
Joseph McCarthy
9/26/2017 10:10:20 pm
This blog is awesome, but I suspect some part of your quadruple personality is communist and should be black balled.
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The Gulag
9/26/2017 10:38:05 pm
благодаря
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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