They’re ba-ack. Jerry’s kids are back in town with a new-look offense! Ezekiel “Let’s go smoke some pot” (Click on Link) Elliott and Dak Prescott (is that backwards?) are churning out the yards in their rookie campaigns. Yeah, but they only beat the Bears (an automatic W), the Foreskins, the Bungles, and the Forty-whiners. They lost to the G-men, who we just beat. So the media darlings from Dallas come into Green Bay (4-1 @ 3-1), much to the delight of Fox’s advertising sales team and to the dismay of NBC’s (for getting Green Bay at home vs. Debate #2). One of these teams will lose and inevitably end up a 1-and-done Wild Card team, whereas the other will win and inevitably end up a 1-and-done Wild Card team. Mark Murphy will be happy and call it a successful year, Jerry Jones will be pissed and call it a successful year. Create a seam here - X' & O's about the game or a scheme So we are 3-1 and that’s a heck of a lot better than the reverse. Most power rankings have the Packers in the Top 10 and that’s a heck of a lot better than being in the Bottom 10. The Defense has played pretty well and is No. 1 in opponent’s yards/rush at 2.0 yards/attempt and is No. 1 in opponent’s rush-yards/game at 42.8. But are we a super-bowl bound team? Obviously it’s too early to tell, but the running D is certainly a good sign. As Coach has tried to explain over-and-over again, it’s a lot easier to win if you score more points than the other team. And on that measure we are “OK”, currently ranked 11th in Net Points per game. The “however” is that we have beaten three bad teams with negative point differentials, and we were two lucky bounces away from getting blown out by the #2 St. Paul Purple Muscle Eaters. Our next two games are at Lambeau against a good Ft. Worth Beltbuckles team and a very, very bad Chicago team. Almost makes you feel sorry for the Bea….ahh never mind, in the famous words of Jim Krueger of Manitowoc’s own Happy Schnapps Combo: “The Bears still suck, the Bears still suck, the Bears still suck, the Bears still suck They really really really really really really suck Yes the Bears...Still...Suck!” How’d I get on that tangent? Oh yeah, the point is that we’ve beaten 3 crappy teams and lost to the only good team we’ve faced. It will be interesting to see the No. 5 rushing team, the Dallas Cowpies, at 4.6 yds/attempt, face the Packers No. 1 Rushing D. Even more interesting, we are going to see our 29th ranked passing attack (6.3 yds/attempt) against Dallas’ 18th ranked passing D. Maybe A-Rod will stick it to the Cowboys this weekend. A cuppla weeks back I talked about the “hidden yards” in each game (the net yardage gained and lost that doesn’t easily show up on the stat sheet but has a large impact on where teams start each drive). Coach walked out of the Giants game thinking, “jeesh, we’re lucky that Eli sucked worse than Aaron or weeda got kilt, hey?” So Coach dug a little deeper into why he had that impression and why he talks about himself in the 3rd person, and frankly the result makes it shocking that we’ve won three games. Hang with me here (Coach loves brightly colored and confusing spreadsheets, so no exception here)… The first table below shows our average offensive yards/game and that of our opponents, as well as how they rank vs. the rest of the league. The net is that we are averaging 4 ½ yards/game better and, tah-dah, this means we are very average at No. 17. But hold on a minute, you say, what about “hidden yards?” The table above shows that our opponents’ 40 drives in 2016 have an average starting position at the 31.4-yardline versus our average starting position of the 25.7-yardline on our 42 drives. This means that on average we “start” 44.3 yards “behind” per game, before you even get to how well Aaron or Mike Daniels do in a game. Add in our +4.5 Off/Def yards/game and we are net 40 yards behind per game. Just digest that for a moment and think about what that means… …with the new touchback rule, most drives after kickoff are starting at the 25-yardline. So for the Pack, the net negative 40 yards is like giving the opposing team one drive that starts at our 35-yardline in each and every game! (100 yd. field – (25 yd. start + 44 net neg/gm)). For cripes sake, it’s amazing we wonned anee games aweready. So why in the name of Billy Bush are we giving up so much hidden yardage? 1. We are No. 26 in net yards/punt….our punter, Jakob Shankem is among the worst in the league. He absolutely sucks. He’s like the Chicago Bears of punters. Because McCarthy is more interested in getting recognized for clever strategy than the results (or lack thereof) it actually produces, he will stubbornly defend Schum’s roster spot for 2 more games until Ted overrules. Ironically, Schum’s last game as a Packer will be against the Bears! We have a couple of options to replace him: 1.a) Determine if Tim Mastay has stayed in shape or has put on 15 "working" down at the local Buffalo Wildwings 1.b) Sign a High School Punter, like Senior Evan Legassy from Florida, who has better hang time and better net punting stats than Jake Scum. 2. We don’t stay in our lanes on kick-off returns. Ask any HS Football Coach, heck, ask any Middle School Volleyball Coach in Wisconsin, and they will tell you the number one factor in successful kickoff coverage is “lane discipline”. At the pro-level it’s getting a bit more complicated now-a-days with fancy Chris Krosses and what not, but the basics are very simple. 2.a) Kicker lines up team and counts that there are 10 guys (oops, 11, gotta count myself) 2.b) Kicker runs up to ball and drives his toe thru to the laces on the other side of the ball (OK, nobody has kicked that way for 30 years, but you get the idea with Garo Yepremian; BTW, 25% of Coach really admires Garo’s sense of hirsute style) 2.c) Now here’s the tricky part ---- run straight down the field in a 5-6 yard-wide “lane” ---- yes Johnny, run STRAIGHT down the field. The Pack suffered mightily in the late 90’s and early 2000’s with hotshots on the outside who always cheated to the inside, inevitably giving up 2 or 3 big returns a game to when the returners made a move to the outside. Give Ron Zook, Packers Special Teams Coach and former failure at Illinois, a little bit of credit. We had good net punting results the last couple of years with Mastay punting, primarily because of Janis’ speed and cover skills. Kickoff coverage has been in the top-half of the league, due to good directional/distance accuracy by Mason Crosby and good lane discipline by the cover teams. For what-ever reason, though, so far this year we have struggled with kick-off returns right up the middle. Scheme wise we haven’t changed, and the opposition hasn't done anything too tricky…we just need to “stay in our lane” and tackle the guy with the ball. Pretty much every kick return we’ve had our speed guys make contact with the returner between the 10 and 15-yard lines, but then the others in the middle get out of position and reach with arm tackles that are easily broken. WTF - The Coach's take on a bad ref call or a bad play call or the like I heard you say it Sunday night… “Why aren’t they running Eddie Lacy more?” It seems like every time he gets lathered up, McCarthy pulls him out and they go pass-crazy. Eddie ran 11 times for 81 yards before he hurt his ankle on his last run of the night. Coach has figured out Eminem’s strategy: whatever works well in the first half, stop doing it in the 3rd quarter because we don’t want to become predictable. Instead, go 3-and-out 7 or 8 times in a row by dropping Aaron back 7 steps (to let defenders catch up and cover receivers), have him scramble around and ignore open receivers underneath (see also, West Coast offense), and then punt the ball 29 yards down the field. For all the creative play calling in the 1st quarter, MM sure mismanaged the rest of the game starting about the time he pulled his workhorse out when the Giants became completely disinterested in tackling him. Adding insult to injury… Eddie Lacy hosted a VIP Bowling Night at The Gutter in Suamico to raise funds for Freedom House, which serves homeless families in Brown County. Lacy said when he first heard of the cause, he fell in love with it. "I myself and my family and a bunch of other people had to go through Hurricane Katrina and you know, I had no house, so I had to fall back on hard times." Guests bowled for prizes and had the chance to mingle with their favorite players. That’s cool and all, but when asked about how he was able to bowl less than 24 hours after he left the Giants game with a sprained ankle, Eddie said “Uh, you know, I kinda forgot about that stuff and, you know.” He then giggled and added, “It’s really hard to walk today, but mostly cause, you know, Starks dropped his ball on it landed on my other foot. Heh-heh.” Against Coach’s better judgment, he’s putting A-Rod on the WTF watchlist. He has the 31st best completion percentage in the league (note: there are only 32 teams in the NFL). In the last 16 games, Rodgers had a total of five passer ratings less than 70. It took him 46 games as a starter to compile his first five passer ratings that low. This year’s average passer rating is his lowest (87.7) and is 5 points lower than last year’s. All Aaron’s fault? Nah (see also, Dropsy Nelson, Duh-vante Adams not being “set” at the snap that nullified Cobb’s TD, Richard Rodgers drop in the end zone, etc.)…all of which would have given him a passer rating over 100 against NYG. Mostly Aaron’s fault? Yeah (see also, film of wide open Packers receivers on short routes underneath being ignored in lieu of a long balls to tightly covered wide outs). Take what they give you, Aaron, or you will be bookended by Bretts before Wild Card weekend ... if McCarthy decides to grow a pair. Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof The Bears compiled 522 yards of offense against the Colts (one of the worst D’s in football) on Sunday, and STILL LOST. That’s right, they lost again. …and this time WITHOUT Jay Cutler! THAT’s impressive. Maybe they’re worse than I thought (if that’s possible)? Bears head coach (for the time being), John Fox, told media outlets this week “We don’t have a plan” for when Jay Cutler returns from his thumb injury. Cutler briefly returned to practice on a limited basis September 28, but since has been shut down and the Bears have repeatedly declined to put a timetable on returning from his “injury.” Their marked improvement in offensive production has been pungent since Cutler left the field, even though the Bears can’t seem to turn that production into victories yet (no surprise). Prior to getting hurt, Cutler threw 1 touchdown and had 3 interceptions in seven quarters of action, which on average is his career best. Kudos to Jay, though, for staying in shape while he rests his thumb -- running track events to work his legs out in the interim, which sets a good example as the leader of his team's offense. Oh, and have you heard the new Chicago Bears Fight Song!? (Click on Link) Hey, that’s pretty good! Glad to learn you FIB's have seen the light. And you correctly used the oft-confused word “lie.” Coach understands that FIB’s pronounce words a certain way (incorrectly) in Illinoise, but hey that’s just the quaint local accent. Shoot, even some cheeseheads have a slight hint of an accent (Click on Link). So when you say the word “lay” it sorta sounds like you are saying “lie.” I can forgive that. But I must say that I am overtly impressed with your correct writing of the verb “lie” (used without an object) as opposed to the verb “lay” (used with an object). They are completely different things. …and thank heavens you didn’t use the noun form of the word lie, as that would just be silly. For less studious observers, Coach provides examples below. The person on the left is tired, and he is going to “lie” down. The person in the middle is horny, and he is going to “lay” the amorous chick he is with. The person on the right is guilty of abandoning 4 Americans that were surrounded and murdered by radical Islamic terrorists in Libya, and she is going to tell us a “lie” about it. By the way, if you tour abroad, use your American accent to tour a broad. As it turns out, chicks in other countries think men with American accents are very sexy because we sound like movie stars to them. Kinda how you think a British woman (like the Garmin GPS map lady) is super-hot because of the sound of her voice (until you see her crooked teeth, pale skin, and her bony frame supported by swollen cankles). I recommend southern Europe for you to test Coach’s theory out. Good luck, and you’re welcome. Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground This week’s Planned Parenthood “Keys to the Game” for beating Ohio State are pretty simple:
As you know by now, Badger Underground is totally against using the rankings for anything at all except maybe for bragging rights. They should be kind of like the NFL Power rankings which we are sure NONE of you look at (Click on Link). Anyway, we cannot help ourselves. Bucky moves up 3 slots without playing. WHOO HOO! This fantastic turn of events is due to the ‘Canes missing an extra point against Florida State, Houston losing deplorably to Navy, and Tennessee losing to Texas A&M. With the bye week gone, we move on from our bout in the Big House with the Weasels and Mr. Khakipants, back to Camp Randall for a showdown with the Russian-backed Buckeyes and their leader, Urban al-Assad. Indiana showed us the key to beating these guys and gave us plenty of hope by hanging tough for the better part of last week’s game. Based on this, Badger Underground is projecting a blow out of epic proportions. We are certain fellow pom pom wavers will agree with us as we survey them while downing our Spotted Cow’s during the pre-game on Breese Terrace. Experts are saying our running game will keep the ball out of Barret’s hands. Oggie and Clement will have gaping holes to prance through. The dropped passes will miraculously stop. Hornibrook will not look like the freshman that he is. The D will be BADASS as usual and be forcing fumbles all day. Oh, yes you may say Ohio State is really good. They are OK. They may even be almost as good as Bucky, but not this Saturday and not in Madtown. This will go down as a big upset, but it is not. This will be the third top ten team we have beaten this year. These Buckeyes are not who everyone thinks they are. Plus, this weekend we have our secret weapon... (Click on Link). We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game It’s relatively simple, we now have the Preseason of September behind us and now we can play, Coach predicts at 24-17 Packers win with:
JB - Packer players you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them Travis Jervey was a product of Coach Dickie Dingle’s Wando Warriors at the Citadel, and was the 4th fastest guy at the 1995 Combine when he ran a 4.3 Forty. He averaged 7.7 yards per carry his Sr. year at the Citadel and at 6 feet, 220 pounds with a 400-lb bench press he sparked the interest of Ron Wolf. (Coach doesn't like to brag, but he once ran a half-marathon and, sorta like Travis Jervey, Coach has 200+ pounds on his 6' frame and can half-bench 400 lbs ... down.) Ron drafted Jervey in the fifth round in 1995 and in one of his bigger mistakes, he passed on drafting “the college fumbler” Terrell Davis. Davis, a future MVP running back, killed the Pack in SB XXXII. Travis played 9 seasons in the NFL, the first four with the Pack and then SF and Hotlanta. Infamously being one of the fastest ball carriers to bounce off of his linemen's backside, alas his career as a running back was rather pedestrian. He had 503 yards on 129 carries and 2 TD’s. But! He also had 4 fumbles on 26 carries with the Pack which caused Mike Holmgren to use him very sparingly in the backfield. He finished his career as the 9,949th ranked running back since 1960 with 60.8 fantasy points (or so, as I recall). Make no mistake -- Travis Jervey is one interesting character. Just two other players in professional football appear to have had a legacy of three generations in the sport. George Pyne III, who is Travis’s age, is the third generation of his family to play. Clay Matthews III, is also a third generation pro-football family, so load that up in your NFL trivia gun -- the Pack had 2 of the 3 “three-generations-in-pro-football” families. As a Packer, Jervey lived with fellow pedestrian running back LeShon Johnson, who grew up riding bulls in amateur rodeos and kept 18 pit bulls as pets in Green Bay. So Johnson didn’t flinch when Jervey pursued a newspaper ad for a female mountain lion ("cougar" to the lay person). They split the $1,000 cost and picked up the declawed cub at the airport. They named her Nala, after a character from “The Lion King.” After Nala took a chunk of flesh out of Jervey’s arm he was encouraged by Mike Holmgren to "donate" the cub to a zoo. Not to distract you from Fox 11's Good Day Wisconsin weekly visit to the N.E.W. Zoo, but Jervey also purportedly had pet alligators and a python named Cruz. So what to do with a strong, fast guy with no wiggle (see also, Jeff Janis)? He never played special teams in college, but excelled when the Packers asked him to cover kickoffs and punts, which helped salvage his career. “I was just like, ‘This is easy,’” he said. “There’s no pressure. There’s no fumbling.” In the Super Bowl following the 1996 season, Jervey laid one of the first blocks that sprung Desmond Howard’s 99-yard kickoff return touchdown, as the Packers beat the Patriots in Numero 31. In 1997, Jervey made his only Pro Bowl and in 1999 he signed a 4-year free agent contract with the 49ers worth $6 million. Home-Opener 2002, Coach decided to take his then 13-year old daughter, decked out in her #42 Sharper jersey, to her 2nd ever Packer game. The Pack had struggled with Special Teams coverage units the year prior so on the opening kick-off Coach tried to explain the beauty and intricacies of Kick-Off coverage to said daughter. Unfortunately, she was struggling with the bright September sun directly in her eyes and so didn’t see much, but heard her father cussing up and down as Allen Rossum (who had just been signed away from the Packers) returned the opening K.O. about 40 yards…primarily because the Outside-Contain broke down…”they didn’t stay in their gol darn lanes”. (Do you see a pattern emerging here?)
After Atlanta scored early in the 2nd, Coach was not to be deterred and he pointed out to daughter that the former Packer Travis Jervey would stay in his lane on the ensuing kick. “Watch this, you’ll really find it interesting.” She was enthralled and immediately asked, “is that the guy with the lion?” and went back to covering her face from the sun with zero apparent interest in the game. After the kick, Mr. Travis returned to the bench area immediately in front of us and was surrounded by three trainers holding towels. From his head and shoulder movement Coach initially thought that perhaps he was making equipment adjustments to cope with “having had the wind knocked out of him”, until a very healthy stream of human urine emerged from below the towels. Upon return to our domicile Coach overheard daughter’s response to mother’s question about how she enjoyed the game: “the best part was the guy with the lion who pee’d behind the bench.”
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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