Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Maybe a week away from football will be good for this team. Alone time. An opportunity to relax, or spend time with family, or do charity work, or maybe catch one of these classic Kevin Spacey movies (in no particular order)… The Usual Suspects? American Beauty? L.A. Confidential? Swimming with Sharks? The Negotiator? Baby Driver? Inseparable? Rebel in the Rye? See No Evil, Hear No Evil? Moon? Rocket Gibraltar? A Show of Force? Doomsday Gun? Seriously, those are his movies. It’s amazing any boy survived. But, hey, it’s time for Packers football again!... Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme You never know what might happen at Lambeau, so Coach made sure he brought his rubbers. Good thing, too, because it rained most of the game and the guy next to me without any protection got 2 soakers. They say wet weather favors the Offense, so it appears intermittent showers fell primarily when the Saints had the ball. After the game, head coach Mike McCarthy said the loss was “My fault.” But backup starting quarterback Brett Hundley was quick to take blame off of his coach’s shoulders saying “I think I should have played better.” Defensive Coordinator Dom Capers showed support by stating unequivocally, “Both of those guys are right.” While searching for a way summarize the ‘Aints – Packers game, one word kept popping into Coach’s head. In unrelated news, Coach has decided to pursue a graduate degree in etymology. There seemingly are not enough adjectives in the English language to describe the completely impotent and misguided efforts of the McCarthy led Packers, particularly the Defense. Clearly academic research is needed to expand the English language vocabulary sufficiently to describe our current coaching staff. As Coach pointed out prior to the Saints visit, the game plan should be conservative on Offense -- lots of running, and would require Defense and Special Teams to win the game. This was an ugly game from the start, but doggoneit, we were in this thing until … wait … you know this tune, concentrate … another Defensive collapse. “Shut the front door!” you say? (Coach can hear the surprise in your voice.) Cryminey hey guy, GB was up 14-7 at the half! Jones and Hundley were running like crazy and --- exactly as Coach had called for --- we were up 2-0 on turnovers and Special Teams were…well Special Teams were…we’ll come back to that. NO took the 2nd half kickoff from the 2-yard line and ran it out to the Aints 41… and the meltdown began. The Pack shut down a couple of runs, gave up a couple of passes to Michael Thomas and they had 3rd & 9 at the Packers 47 and…well, just read the play-by-play description. (12:48 - 3rd) (Shotgun) D.Brees pass deep middle to M.Thomas to GB 26 for 21 yards (H.Clinton-Dix) [M.Daniels]. No better indictment of your defense than when your best D-Lineman makes a tackle of a wide receiver 21 yards downfield. Two plays and a blocked extra point later and the score was 14-13 in our favor. The chart below is the “ESPN Win Probability” tracker showing the Packers withering against the Saints. While it doesn’t “prove” anything, it’s interesting how the Stats match the eyeball test. fter the first of our four feckless and impotent 2nd Half drives, we come to the play in question which tilted the stat-o-meter.NO’s 2nd drive of the 3rd Quarter started with 1st and 10 at NO 16. We are up by a point, and we have them trapped in the shadow of their own goal post…PERFECT TIME for a 3 & out!! Right? In a bland reference to outdated 1980’s technology and the washed-up Chris Berman, let’s go to the video tape: (8:48 - 3rd) (Shotgun) D.Brees pass short left to T.Ginn pushed ob at GB 37 for 47 yards (H.Clinton-Dix). Yup, Defensive meltdown…they popped a wide receiver screen and, after plenty of missed assignments by other inept guys on D, the late arriving and No-Longer-Laughing-Clinton-Dicks “held them” to a 47-yard gain. Not that Clinton-Dix sucks (heh heh), after all -- half of the defensive players were standing upright and looking at the sideline for the call to come in when the ball was snapped. (sigh) Eight plays and a kick later the Pack fell behind for good... “Hold the Saints to 17 and you can win the game” Coach said last week. For the first half that formula was working, but Coach didn’t count on the team quitting on McCarthy and McCarthy quitting on the team in the second half. Coach directs your attention to the table below, which summarizes the 2nd half drives of both teams. In the process of kicking our collective asses 19-3 over the final 2 Quarters, they ran 41 plays, moved the ball 269 yards and held the ball for over 20 minutes. In that same period, we managed 21 plays for 80 yards and 9 minutes of possession. Look at the table!! They averaged 6.6 yards-per-play compared to our 3.8, including the kneel-down-time to run out the clock at the end. While we were completely ineffective on Offense, the Defensive ineptitude was even greater. So, what did happen on Defense? “That was kind of a gift touchdown having 10 people on the field.” Capers said. That’s right … the Big Legume acknowledged that we were completely screwed up on substitutions. Once again Capers outsmarted himself trying to run so many sub packages that no one watching can keep count. More importantly, neither can his players. The first time we had the 10 men on the field was a third-and-two in the first quarter and the sidelines called time out before the ball was snapped. The second time the Pack had two defensive players run off the field, to defend third-and-one, but only one ran on… and Saints running back Mark Ingram ran outside left end for a 12-yard touchdown that tied the game, 7-7. Complementing the inept approach was lack of execution. When guys are out of place they arrive late to the play and need to clutch and grab rather than tackle properly. Montez Brice put on a clinic for us Sunday afternoon of how to execute these moves. Not wanting to be left off the list of incompetents were Special Teams. Coach agreed with M&M’s decision to try to steal 3 points at the end of the 1st half, but the snap and hold were crappy and the 59 yard FG attempt was ruffly 49 yards short. This was accompanied by absolutely drive killing penalties on special teams and a shanked punt. Vogel punted 5 times and there were penalties on three of them, all on Josh Jones. (Vogel has been good so far this year, of course he saved his worst game for the Saints.) OK, so the Saints game was a disaster, let’s write that off and have a look at what the Packers must face over the Bye Week. After all, that bad stuff is correctable. …On offense, we are getting healthy and we should be playing every one of our starters except for #12, Tom Wrigglesworth. …Aaron Jones looks like the real deal at RB and was named FedEx Ground player of the week for his game against the Saints. Never mind that the FedEx plane crashed in the movie “Castaway” because, after all, Tom Hanks was great in that movie. Remember he had to lose like 40 pounds over the course of that movie being filmed so that starvation from being on a secluded island for a long period of time seemed more realistic? That was pretty cool of him, eh? Anyway, … …#7 clearly can run, he keeps his wits about him, and he’s at least a good college level QB. Can he make the reads fast enough and trust his receivers enough to be an NFL QB? Coach will give him the benefit of the doubt despite the Saints game. Let’s hope he improves. After all, he was back at practice Wednesday after time away for the bye week, so that should help. … Special Teams have played well in between stupid meltdowns. Getting rookies (Jones) to play well and fixing the snap/hold should be straightforward fix, and with Vogel and Crosby doing the kicking Coach is optimistic we can be in the top 10 for overall ST. … Coach (seen here) is not at all optimistic about the Defense, because there is no evidence to support improvement. Just sayin. Hey, if you want blind optimism, go down to the “We’re Gonna Kick You’re A$$” section. Spoiler alert: Coach predicts a Packers victory! S.A.F.L…. McCarthy said in a press conference rant last week that “Statistics are for Losers.” Coach agrees. New Orleans beat us in every statistical category except for rushing and turnovers, but they killed us on time of possession, first downs, passing and most importantly: scoring points. Stats don’t tell you who will win any given game, but they do a fantastic job of helping understand why a team is winning or losing, and more importantly, what needs to be improved to win more games in the future. The table above compares Weeks 5-7 of 2017 to the 2017 Season so far … and gives you, the inquisitive reader of the ever-insightful-Coach Clarahanson Show!!!, a handle on how our Defense is trending. Pay close attention, the color coding is very complex: Red – is bad, means we suck (ranking 21-32) Yellow – also bad, means we suck less (ranking 11-20) Green is good, means we rank in the top 10. The most important statistic is winning and we are 4-3. But, for the season, we are 15th Point Differential (scoring more points than the other guys) and over the last games we are 26th… that’s a red for those of you keeping score at home … and 26th means we suck, which is bad. But Coach, all we really care about is winning another NFL Championship, right? That’s right Jimmy, our team of crack coaches will have this solved in a jiffy. After all, they have a fine track record of playing some really swell football, don’t you see Jimmy? Your name is “Jimmy” … right, Jimmy? But Coach, I saw something on ESPN that says our Defense has let down Aaron Rodgers, is that true? No, no Jimmy, you need to pay better attention to the President, this is fake news, pay no attention. Why just the other day Mike said to relax, in no time we’ll be right back in the hunt for the playoffs. But Coach, I did some research about Super Bowls, going all the back to the early days of Al Gore inventing the internet, and it looks like you need to have a pretty good team to win the Super Bowl! One that is good on Offense (90% are in Top 14), but more importantly a team that is great on Defense and has a high point differential (90% are in Top 9). And Coach, why is McCarthy getting so defensive in his press conferences? The Offense is barely in the hunt of Super Bowl contenders and the Defense looks to be way off the mark. Why is he acting as if we have a good team this year and saying that he is a good Coach? Well Jimmy, it’s simply because Mark & Ted & Mike & Dom make such a great bunch’a’fellas funning with Packers fans. They think we’re just negative because we pay attention to how they play and don’t appreciate Participation Trophies. No, Jimmy, that’s not the case with true Packer fans -- we’ve been frustrated since this crew showed up because they are mediocre on a good day. Jimmy, have a look at the chart below. Seven out of the last 8 years we have had a good enough Offense to be in a serious discussion for winning the Super Bowl, but we’ve only won a single Lombardi Trophy. In amazing symmetry, 7 out of the last 8 years our Defense has sucked and we have not been to the Super Bowl more than once. Are you following me Jimmy? Our Defense has been awful for 7 out of the last 8 years. Being awful for 7 out of 8 years gets most guys fired at any job. Are you catching my drift, Jimmy? But Coach, don’t you think it’s unfair to blame the Coaches? After all, Aaron is hurt. Well Jimmy, Mike and his crack staff of clowns think they know how to make a winning team (just ask them) but the evidence says otherwise. Let’s go to the video tape to see if we can prove them correct. A-Rod has played in 123 of the 135 games that MM/DC have Coached together. In those tilts we averaged, averaged, let me say it again, averaged, a 28-21 win in those games! That’s fantastic Coach, then why haven’t we won more Super Bowls? Very simple Jimmy, the Offense Ranking and Point Differential Ranking were in the mix and have usually been ranked in the Top 10. But the 22-point average on Defensive points allowed is not good enough, it needs to be around 16 points. I’ve tried to explain this to you Jimmy, now listen, Defense wins Championships. Just to remind you Jimmy, we have flamed out in massive Defensive Collapses in every year except 2010. But wait a minute Coach, you said MacArthy was pretty good, right? Yes, General Douglas MacArthur was a fine leader (maybe a bit overzealous in Korea, but a fine leader). Coach Mike McCarthy?…well that’s another matter. The truth is that the Packers are good with Rodgers and are terrible without him. If we look at Eminem’s record with Aaron Rodgers and without Aaron Rodgers, the difference is absolutely shocking. With Rodgers, McCarthy has a 71% winning percentage. In the 12 games he has coached without Rodgers, he has a 27% winning percentage. At 27%, that puts him between Gene Ronzani and Scooter McClean on the all-time Packers Coaches list. Remember the foam “TV Brick”? C’mon Coach, you are so unfair, losing is normal when you lose your #1 QB!! Not so fast Jimmy, let’s think about this. If you have two apples and I give you Brady and Belichick, what do you have? That’s right, two apples, an aging superstar and an outstanding coach. In 17 seasons with the Patriots, Belichek is 225-80 (counting playoffs) with a 4-2 record in Super Bowls and 15 seasons of double-digit victories. Brady is 207-61 as a starter, counting a 24-9 record in the postseason. In the games Brady has missed since taking over as the starter in 2001, Belichick is 15-6, a 71% winning percentage. This includes a 3-1 mark to open the 2016 season when Brady was suspended for the first four games for the Delfategate debacle. Bellichick’s winning percentage without Brady is identical to McCarthy’s 71% with Rodgers and only marginally behind Vince Lombardi’s 75%. Coach, is McCarthy doing anything to turn this ship around? Well, I’m not 100% sure Jimmy, but the Packers have announced that Brent Favor is coming back to try to help sort out the steaming mess at 1265 Lombardi Ave. So, Eminem, statistics are for losers? Yes, you are correct, and the statistics show that you are a loser when you don’t have Aaron Rodgers as a security blanket. Let’s hope Favre can straighten you out. WTF - The Coach's take on football news that’s messed up Okay, we’ve all seen bad ref’s, but this guy (Click on Link) might be the most clever idiot in stripes! Now, on to important international news… North Korea to Green Bay Packers: “You’re #1 (Or Else!)” PYONGYANG–Everyone knows that leader Kim Jong Un loves NBA basketball, but not many Americans realize that he is also an avid observer of the NFL. In fact, his favorite team is the Green Bay Packers. Not surprisingly, every single North Korean also lists the Geulin Bei “Pojang-eobja” as their favorite NFL team, too. Sakchu resident Kim Chi Suks said through a translator, “I imagine Green Bay is much like Sakchu, where people eat dogs and everyone loves their leader.” And Chagang Province resident Kim He Lee exclaimed “GO POJANG GO! The Gom still ppal-a!” Much like in Green Bay, on those rare instances when the Packers lose a game, the whole country of North Korea is pretty much in mourning. Although, in North Korea, there is actual mourning … as the first born son of every parent is hanged publically Tuesdays at noon in retribution for each family not cheering enough to produce a Packers victory. In Green Bay, people just bitch at work on Mondays, and then they watch Inside the Huddle on Fox11 at 5pm and feel better about themselves and the team (that Jordy Nelson is so positive!). In light of his recent clavicle injury and, as a result, his unusual availability at this time of year, it has allegedly been reported by unverified sources that Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers has been extended an official visa invitation from North Korea to visit the emperor’s palace late this November where an exhibition football game in honor of Kim Jong Un will take place between the Hamgyong Wapitis and the Hoeryong Dholes. Rodgers could not be reached for comment, but issued this brief statement through his Vietnamese interpreter: “Phúc yea!” The Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof Sure, no surprise the Bears lost to the Saints last week. But when you suck as bad as they do, you’ll get upset players on the opposing, winning team – that’s right, the Saints were upset that they let the Bears become moderately competitive! It’s true, this really happened (taken from the NFL’s Kevin Patra)… Saints RB Mark Ingram: Game was close because ‘I sucked’ NEW ORLEANS–The New Orleans Saints running back used a variation of “sucked” 18 times to describe his performance in the 20-12 vistory over the Chicao Bears, …. “I let my teammates down. I put us in a bad position. The game was only close because I sucked. That’s the bottom line,” Ingram said, via EPSN’s Mike Triplett. “I sucked. I sucked. That’s the bottom line: I sucked.” Well then, if Mark Ingram sucked THAT bad, and they won?...clearly the Bears have zero respect around the league and are considered to be less than real men by those who play against them (not just us Packer fans). It’s science (Click on Link). The good news for Bears fans is, as I say once every year, at least they won’t lose this week (because it’s their bye, ba-dum bum). Here’s something I never have to say: “In the playoffs, the Bears…” (because … they suck). Udder stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground Here at the Badger Underground we have this weird, nagging feeling that will not go away week after week. With Bucky ranked #4, 8-0 and sitting pretty atop the Big Ten western division, we should be feeling good, but we do not. That feeling is that the continued uninspired play will catch up with them and spoil the perfect season. The last 12 quarters of football have been like one long boring game. We lump this all together because we cannot keep the games straight. The long-awaited clean game where the Wisconsin offense all but eliminated procedure calls, clipping penalties, fumbles, dropped passes and interceptions did not take place. Many points have been left on the field this season, with a group that had many games under its belt coming into this season. Another concern is Hundleybrook’s errant throws for interceptions sprinkled among some competent, high percentage completions to a receiving corps that is starting to look pretty good; Cephus, Fumigalli, Pryor, Davis. In between killing drives, getting TD’s called back and turning the ball over, Wisconsin’s offense put together some beautiful drives. Wisconsin’s defense has been spending a great deal of time on the field, thanks not only to the offense’s lapses, but to the lack of an edge rusher. Despite that, they did contain the conference’s leading receiver. Maryland’s offense 2 weeks ago was a good sample of what they should face in the Big Ten championship game. Nick Nelson got away with one egregious mugging of a Maryland receiver, but otherwise played a sound game until the above-mentioned bone-headed penalty. TJ Edwards and Dakota Dixon continued to perform at beast-like levels. Chris Orr went out with an arm injury, which supposedly was not serious. The DL has been down a couple of big bodies, several weeks for Obasih and the last couple of weeks for Loudermilk. Having both back for the Iowa & Michigan games would be a big boost for what can be anticipated to be physical games. Senor Alvarez had a couple of dimes bet on beating the 24-point spread against the Turtles, placed a call to the sideline, followed very shortly thereafter by WI kicking a late FG to win by 25. Of course, beating up on Lovie Smith’s Bears Light team in Champagne is hardly worth mentioning – or paying attention to the point spread, as that was like an exhibition game to warm up for the preseason. Whacky plays, light a lateral pass to an offensive linemen for a 15-yard scamper – yeah, you can do shit like that against the fighting Ill. Wisconsin has not exactly been playing at the level of a #4 ranked team, but most of the flaws are correctable. There is also an element of playing to the level of the competition. BU staff would prefer to see these guys peak at the end of the season. The young receivers continue to accumulate catches. Cephus continues to emerge as the go-to guy. Spreading the ball to Neuville when defenses are focusing on Taylor, Fumigalli and Cephus is a good thing. Danny Davis III should be back vs Indiana. Pryor finally returned from his moped injury with a big catch against Purdue and two more vs. Maryland. AJ Taylor caught a perfectly executed 23-yard TD, splitting two defenders in the end zone. Clean things up, avoid key injuries, let the young offensive talent continue to develop, take care of business and this team should be able to hang with whoever they face in Indy. Paul Chryst has for some time been one of the greatest offensive minds in the game. Weapons are emerging which should allow him to run a very diversified offense, limited only by Hornibrook’s immobility against pass rush which can be expected from Ohio State or Penn State. If you watched the OSU/PSU game, you saw two quarterbacks who are starters on top-5 teams who are not any better than Alex Hornibrook. Both quarterbacks floated balls to the sideline and multiple passes that could have/should have been stepped in front of and picked off. Welcome to Big Ten quarterbacking... it's not the same as watching Aaron Rodgers. Vanilla offense, vanilla defense. Work on basics and limit mistakes. Empty out the playbook only if necessary in the next 3 games, but preferably not until the conference championship in Indy. [This week's Badger Underground INTERMISSION: "Bananas, Popsicles, and Sausages"] (sorry about that last one) Okay, we're back...] Looking ahead, Indiana passed on 62 of its 97 plays vs. Maryland last week and will pose a good test for Wisconsin’s secondary. Like Maryland, IU fields good receivers. Though D’Cota Dixon was listed as questionable earlier in the week, he practiced Weds. Wisconsin will have senior DL Chikwe Obasih returning this week and Isaiahh Loudermilk returning next week. If that holds, they will have full DL depth for the first time in many weeks against Iowa. Indiana could be without their QB and leading rusher, evening out the injury concerns. Indiana’s defense is much improved over the previous two years, but still gives up a lot of points. The stats lie a bit as they have faced two struggling offenses in Michigan State and Michigan. They’ll face a third this Saturday. Cephus & Taylor were listed as questionable on Monday’s injury report, but practiced some on Weds. Game on if Cephus & Taylor are held out. I don’t view this week as a trap game, but you need your playmakers on the field making plays. Wisconsin is favored by 9, look for them to win by 8, 24-16. So the all-important initial playoff ranking put Wisconsin at #9. If you are waiting for a Paul Chryst team to "win with style points", you're in for a long wait. Paul Chryst is the ultimate pragmatist. In his mind he knows that ALL that matters is that we get to Indianapolis undefeated. Could his play calling be more creative? Yes. Could he tell Leonhard to blitz more? Yes. Could he run up the scores? Yes. Will the score of our game versus Illinois matter when we meet up with OSU in the Big Ten Championship game? Nope. If we beat OSU we will be in the playoff... if we don't, we won't. The rest is all pregame warm-ups... just avoid stumbling and getting hurt (literally and figuratively). Maybe Wisconsin moves up to #4 or 5 if they win out and go to Indy. The Big Ten tiering continues to look as follows: Tier 1—Ohio State & Penn State Tier 1A—Wisconsin Tier 2—Michigan, Iowa, Northwestern, Michigan State (who is gonna lose to both OSU & PSU) Tier 3—Indiana, Maryland, Purdue Tier 4—Rutgers, MN Tier 5—IL We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game Geez, Coach, with all that doom and gloom the X’s and O’s above, do we stand a chance of beating the Lions? Fricken A, Jimmy, are you still here? Holy shit, kid, you are tenacious. Well, there is hope... …What’s worse than having a bad Defense? Having a shitty Defense! And that’s what the Lions have. …MacArthur has had two weeks to coach up Brent Hundley, although Brent was only around since this Wednesday. …The closest the Lions have come to winning a Super Bowl was their undefeated 2008 Preseason. … even if their QB in currently the best one in the division right now, let’s face it – they’re still Detroit. …MNF is not a venue for losers. The Lions will lose to the Packers on Monday Night Football. Primarily because they are outside of their food chain. They are outmanned and outgunned, and according to Packers head coach Mike McCarthy "Lion tastes good." Mike McCarthy addresses threat from Jim Caldwell (Click on Link) JB - Packers you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them This week, we reminisce about Sheboygan's 2nd favorite son (#SamDekker) and UW-LaCrosse alum, WR Billy Schroeder. Bill was drafted by the Packers in 1994. He did not quite make the team that time around, so he went to the Boston Patriots and Rhine Fire of NFL Europe. Billy returned to the Pack in 1997 and was known for his speed and getting yelled at by Mike Holmgren. Bill led the NFL in 2001 in reception yards per catch and then cashed in and went to Detroit. After bouncing around with the Lions and Buccaneers, Bill retired as a Packer in 2008. He stayed in Green Bay and became an assistant coach on Coach's son's high school football team, where they rarely win a game against mediocre competition -- a perfect fit for Bill. Assistant high school coach does fill the Hummer2 with petroleum, so Bill has earned himself a lucrative contract with Glaxo-Smith-Kline hawking Breathe Right Nasal strips. Coach's favorite memory of Bill Schroeder as a Packer was actually in the Silverdome against the Lions. Leading up to the game, Schroeder was complaining to the Packers coaches (via the local media) that he wasn't getting opportunities to showcase his talents (#KeyshonJohnson). So, on a critical 3rd down and medium distance, Favre throws the ball to Bill on a crossing route (he's wide open), but Schroeder never looks back for the ball and it bounces right off of his helmet. He was held in contempt of the court of public opinion from that point forward and his contract was not renewed. Glad everyone has been able to let bygones be bygones and Billy is now back in the Bay with us bad boys again. So, to the 2nd favorite Bill Schroeder in Wisconsin, we salute you!
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9/6/2023 12:14:57 am
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
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