Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Before we get started this week, Coach would be remiss without acknowledging the passing of the greatest drummer of our lifetime, Neil Peart. He will be missed, but remembered forever. In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Women refs should be better looking. Remember when referees were overweight, elderly men? The joke was that they probably would suffer a heart attack running up and down the sidelines trying to keep up with the athletes on long pass plays. Now women are wearing the zebra stripes in NFL games – even in the playoffs, and they appear to be no better or worse than the old guys. Well, why not? After all, there really is no skill required to be an NFL referee these days (what, with instant replay on scores and turnovers, and the ability of coaches to challenge virtually any call). Even a chick can do it. That said, I’m still unsure how women refs got into the game. Did they offer some special skill set that attracted NFL brass? Well, if they’re here to stay, I say make them all hotties. …especially in the playoffs! That’s when ratings are the highest. Men (and approximately 5.1% of women) would stay glued to the set, hoping for perky referee sprints down the sidelines. NFL entertainment value and corresponding commercial revenues would probably experience a nice bounce, too. Imagine the referees actually being cheered when they run out onto the field! I would never miss a play. Roger Goodell has a golden opportunity at this year’s Super Bowl halftime show to introduce the hot female referees of the future during the halftime show with, oh, I don’t know … maybe a wet t-shirt contest(?)! It would be the perfect way to augment the J-Lo and Shakira performances in Miami …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme We won, we are 14-3 and in the NFC Championship. Stop Complaining. Coach knows that sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard or “we had a successful Season, so let’s build a sledding hill”. But let’s be honest, I guarantee that none among you predicted 14 wins. What you want to know, or should be wanting to know, is “can we win the Super Bowl?” and the related question of “if we play the Chiefs in a rematch of SB I, will somebody on TV say: ‘matriculating the ball down the field’?” With 100% certainty, Coach can predict that someone will quote/imitate Hank Stram…RIP. Coach just hopes that they are wearing a tie when it happens. (And if this paragraph makes no sense to you, then don’t embarrass yourself by admitting that out loud. Get a computer and Google “Who was Hank Stram”) And yes, Coach is sagacious and omniscient…just get over it… (you can Google those big words, too). At this point the only question you should be asking is: “are we good enough to win the SB?” The answer is “maybe, maybe not” … and Coach will help you prove “ya er no?” Coach knows that it’s only Game 17 and we can’t expect too much…but for F’s sake, we really don’t know how to get the right players on the field for the called play? The Defense was great earlier in the year and has really come on lately, but FFS, we can’t snag the gimme INT’s? It’s Game 17 and we’re giving directions to the backfield? Well hang-on, son… this was Jared Veldheer’s first start for the Packers, and actually is his only bad play of the game. At this point you probably expect Coach to point out that Valdheer is a retired veteran player who was in the Soldiers Fields stands watching the Packers beat the Bears on the opening night of the Season. But you are wrong, what Coach really wants to highlight is that Chester Marcol caught his own blocked FG and ran it in for a touchdown to score the go-ahead TD in a Packers 12-6 win over the Bears. The connection between the two games is that the Packers won the first game of the 1980 season and the 2019 season over the Bears…and that Chester and Jared both went to Hillsdale College. The fact that Alan Lazard now wear’s Marcol’s number 13 has to do with his equally awesome ability to catch the ball. Yes, this kind of extremely obscure Packer-knowledge is only available here, and on a future subscription-only service that Coach will startup in a few years when his current legal issues pass. Enough tangents for now. Of course, Coach really likes tangents and ridiculous arithmetic tricks, but we’re going to stay on-topic now. Don’t be distracted, but have you ever noticed that Coach favors hyphenations over compound words? Coach is fairly certain that only Miss Reed will take notice and correct it… …did you know that ending a sentence in a preposition is OK? Well if you didn’t, try it… Let’s matriculate our way to the positives of this game, things that matter. The Defense looks good! Yeah, the SeaTurds lost a couple of dozen running backs and signed Skittles-Boy off of the tequila-shots-bar a few weeks ago, but he is a legit NFL running back. So legit that he scored 2x against the Pack…but he was a non-entity when they needed him most. This series in the 1st Qtr featured 3 runs by Lynch that resulted in a 3-n-out and really showcased our D. Blake Martinez is leading the NFL in tackles-that-don’t-matter-5-yds-downfield, but in this case, WTF??? That’s a tackle in the hole man, that’s actually good. Fumble? No S*&T Sherlock. Live, from almost as many rows up as the original Lambeau Field had, it was obvious that it was a forced fumble and recovery by the Pack. It seems that the more the NFL tries to video tape, go slo-mo and legislate everything on the field, the further away they get from calling the game right. After about 10 minutes of discussion and video review, the NFL determined that:
Duh. Coach thinks he needs a Millennial to step in here and demonstrate the proper emoji for “WTF, you gotta be F&^%$&g kidding me” This play has to be Exhibit A in next Summer’s NFL Rules Committee meeting; prima facia evidence that replay should be eliminated until they replace the monkeys who review the plays with 5 guys in a bar. Yes, AR has been too focused on Davante Adams, but in this game, Adams was consistently getting free, and Rodgers was consistently finding him. Let’s get past the negatives and think about this observation for 7 nanoseconds. This is exactly what La Fleur was hired for. Dot. Period. (Note for the beleaguered reader who makes notes, please note that this is the first time all year that Coach has written “La Fleur” instead of “Petite Chat” or “Petite Fleur”. You should note that. Coach notes this because this game is the first evidence all year that La Fleur is actually getting Rodgers to play his game. If Rodgers actually checks his ego at the Locker Room Door, this team will be good for as long as Rodgers doesn’t screw the Salary Cap. Write that in your notes.) This week’s episode is notably light on statistics and charts that you, the loyal reader, has become accustomed to, and local beat reporters have relied on in times of writer’s block to plagiarize for Sunday’s paper. In their place you’ve been given a seemingly drunken rant, but don’t be too disappointed and kindly withhold judgement until after you’ve reached the picture portion of The Show!!!... WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up ABC To Broadcast Four-Hour Lecture On Toxic Masculinity To Compete With Super Bowl Miami, FL—In a bold competitive broadcasting maneuver, ABC has announced the network will air a four-hour lecture on the dangers of toxic masculinity during Fox’s airing of the Super Bowl, sources confirmed Monday. Various feminist experts will be featured in the exciting new annual event to teach men not to be horrible people. "Instead of watching men be a bad influence by throwing a ball around and competing to score points, we will have world-renowned feminists lecture all men on why they are so terrible," said feminist scholar Altoona Breth, who has a doctorate in patriarchial studies with an emphasis in virtue signaling. "We know lots of men might initially tune in to the Super Bowl, but after being inundated by patriarchial norms reinforced by all the tackling and physical exertion, they will surely change channels to follow our condescending feminist lectures." "It's the can't-miss event of the year," she added. The event is sponsored by Harper’s Bazaar and will be emceed by former 1st Lady and U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton. Numerous liberal corporations will fund the event with commercials that also lecture men on not being awful in order to sell their products. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears guard Kyle Long ‘Stepping Away’ From Football CHICAGO—After only 7 years into his NFL career, 3-time ProBowl guard Kyle Long ironically cut his career “Short.” The Bears 2013 1st round draft pick announced via a tweet during Wild Card Weekend that he does not expect the Bears to ever make the playoffs and, as a result, will play no more. Long had one year left worth $9.6 million on his contract with Chicago. The son of Hall of Famer Howie Long and younger brother of Super Bowl champion Chris Long said “It’s only gonna cost me about nine million dollars to quit the Bears, which it totally worth it.” Kyle Long will now join his family on the couch, and perhaps on television like his dad, for the foreseeable future. Congratulations, Kyle, on getting out. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground For your convenience, we have summarized the College Football Championship for you: The Clemson Tigers surprised LSU with a strong start... But the LSU Tigers came back strong in their own right -- displaying much more talent, which gave them the victory. There now...I bet you forgot all about what Coach was ranting about earlier, didn't you? You're welcome. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Not that there's anything wrong with it... Coach wants to go on record castigating The Atlantic for propagating this kind of unwarranted assertion. We are all certain Jimmy is a very passive and accommodating young twink…who will gladly comply with the commands of his superiors. Coach is sure that after he attends to his meticulous personal grooming that Garoppolo will show up for his beating. Now let’s go positive and review the recent history of the Pack and Niners in the playoffs, the two teams that have met the most in the last 25 years of Post-Season play. Sunday’s NFC Championship Game at the Field of Jeans in Santa Clara will mark the eighth postseason meeting between the Packers and 49ers. Green Bay won four of the previous seven. Here’s a look at those seven: 1/6/96 at S.F.: Green Bay rolled 27-17 in this divisional-round game. Brett Favre went 21-for-28 for 299 yards and two TDs. And Coach was there… 1/4/97 at G.B.: The Packers dominated the divisional round game 35-14 en route to the Super Bowl title. It was George Seifert’s final game as the 49ers’ head coach. And Coach was there… 1/11/98: at S.F.: Green Bay won the NFC Championship Game 23-10, holding the 49ers to 33 yards rushing. Of particular note, both teams finished 13-3 , but the Niners had top seed and hosted the NFC Championship Game…yup, just like this year. 1/3/99: at S.F.: The 49ers won this dramatic wild-card game 30-27 on a 25-yard touchdown pass from Steve Young to Terrell Owens in the final seconds. Note: these are the only two games in the series that Coach did not personally attend. 1/13/02: at G.B.: The Packers won this wild-card matchup 25-15. The game was tied 15-15 early in the fourth quarter. And Coach was there… 1/12/13: at S.F.: The 49ers took this divisional-round game 45-31 on an average performance by Colin Kaepernick and a horrible performance by DC Capers and anyone who has played at any level above PeeWee FB. Our DL had only 1, sometimes 2, down-lineman and two outside LB. Behind them Capers played man-defense (D-backs were facing away from Colin-of-the-anthem-Kaepernick) allowing the douche-bag to run for 181 yards and two scores. And Coach was there... and actually got involved in an altercation on the bus to the downtown parking lot…I'll tell yooce gize 'bout that MF’er another time. 1/5/14: at G.B.: Phil Dawson’s 33-yard field goal on the final play gave the 49ers a 23-20 win at Lambeau Field in this wild-card game. Wait. What. Phil Dawson was still alive in 2014? Go figure. And Coach was there… So what should we feel confident about for a victory this time around? After two Seasons of absence, it turns out that Jimmy Graham is in fact alive. The next step in his training is walking while chewing gum, and Coach is extremely confident that he will pass this test! Zed Darius Smith was snubbed in all of the end-of-season all star voting. This was his chance to show up on a beach and perform acts of athleticism that absolutely no one cares about. Shame on them, Z-Dog is pissed-off and ready for post-season. While the D playing well is key (#9 scoring D), the offense has been the problem all year #14 scoring O). On the first Packers offensive play of the game Aaron Jones erupted!!! Does the play above look a little bit familiar? Perhaps the sketch below will help… Vincenzo Lombardi was a fanatic for detail and execution. That’s right folks, exactly 60 Seasons after Lombardi showed up in Green Bay, Matt LaFleur is running several of Lombardi’s plays, most especially the Packer Sweep. Have a good-close-look at both of the clips above…there is no difference. Obviously, there is no comparison to Lombardi…but, La Fleur went 13-3 (81%) vs. 7-5 (58%) for Lombardi in his first year…BUT…we are bigger, faster and more talented than we have ever been, which should be enough to bury them… Packers 24 49ers 20 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Back in 1951, things were very different in the NFL and in Green Bay. Lambeau Field was not built yet and games were played at old City Stadium at East High School. That year, the Packers had the biggest player in the NFL, DE and OT Enrique (Ed) Ecker at 306 lb and 6’7”. He was a mountain of a man and scared the crap out of opposing QB’s. Undrafted out of small Jesuit John Carroll College in the Cleveland area, young Enrique started out with the Bears and then went to the Chicago Rockets for a year before coming up to Green Bay in 1951. While Enrique was the biggest player in the NFL, he otherwise did not make much of a name for himself on the gridiron. The only noteworthy event was in a 1951 game at Wrigley Field against the Bears. Ecker swapped places with RB Tony Canadeo for a 1 yard rumble into the end zone. Everyone thought Ditka was being so creative with the Fridge in 1985, but now you know where the idea comes from. Enrique parleyed his imposing frame after the NFL into a career as a character actor in Hollywood. He usually played a henchman for bad guys, like as a giant in the Peter Gunn TV series or the guy with bad dental work in a James Bond movie. Alas, being a giant on TV does not provide as of income as one might think, so Enrique worked nights until he retired at the local Ralph’s grocery store near his home in Van Nuys in order to make ends meet. One evening a patron dissatisfied with the elder Ecker’s bagging skills confronted him, and one thing led to another, which eventually led to fist-to-cuffs. The police were called and Sgt. Jerry Potter arrived to arrest the geriatric gentle giant on assault and criminal mischief charges.
Upon arrival Potter told Ecker he was under arrest and was going to jail. “I don’t remember his exact words, but he said something like, ‘I’m not going anywhere and you’re not taking me,’” Potter recalled. Police didn’t have a lot of options back then. Officers didn’t carry non-lethal options like stun guns and chemical spray, and Enrique might have just shrugged them off. Instead, Ecker and Potter talked. “I just explained to him, ‘You are under arrest, you do have to go over to the jail with us, but it’s not a big problem,’” Potter said. “‘Your manager can follow us, you’ll be released and it won’t even take that long.’” Enrique was compliant, but told Potter he wasn’t going to be handcuffed — largely because they didn’t make handcuffs in Ecker’s size! Potter had an answer for that, too: a set of leg shackles from the Los Angeles County Jail. “I’ll use them if you make me,” Potter said he told Enrique. “I said it in a joking manner and it got him laughing. When Enrique started belly laughing, it seemed like the whole room was shaking in an earthquake.” With the shackles on Enrique, officers moved him into the back of Potter’s Ford Crown Victoria police cruiser, which worked only because Potter’s car did not have the standard partition in it separating officers from those in custody. Still, Enrique fit awkwardly across the back seat, his head in one corner and his feet in the opposite corner. Potter and another officer, Jerry Zahner, took Enrique to the jail where he was booked, fingerprinted — on an 8.5-by-11-inch sheet of paper since a standard card was too small — and released him after posting bail. “He was a big man,” Potter said. “But fortunately, he cooperated. ... Once we started talking and got to be friends, it went well.” Before Enrique left the jail, Zahner managed to snag a souvenir… “While he was there being fingerprinted and photographed, I politely asked him, ‘Would there be any chance I could get a whole handprint of yours, just because I don’t get to arrest a giant every day?’” Zahner said. “And he was more than obliging.” “I have an interesting story,” Potter said of the incident. “The shocking thing is every time somebody forces me to tell this story, somebody in the group or audience will say, ‘I remember that,’ even 30 years later.” Zahner is still with the Van Nuys Police Department, and he still has Enrique Ecker’s hand print.
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Rodgers had the yips. As we head into the playoffs, much consternation exists in Packer Nation regarding noteworthy lackluster performances in recent weeks by Number 12. Some dim-witted, socially inept fans have suggested that his drop in performance had to do with a significant drop in his bedroom satisfaction due to a change in the leading ladies in his life. Really? It was all because of insufficient gameday felacio? It sounded even more puerile when a fan with a thick Wisconsin farmer accent called into a local radio show to assert that ridiculous notion. But I digress… Looking at real data, there is a solid case to be made for Rodgers’ inability to complete passes at an elite level dating back to the Vikings’ Anthony Barr 2017 cheapshot sack, when Aaron’s collarbone was severed. His accuracy has been inconsistent ever since he returned from that injury. That said, the injury itself appears to have had little to no effect on his arm strength. In fact, Rodgers still appears to have no trouble flicking the ball over 65 yards in the air and, unfortunately for Packers fans, he often OVERTHROWS receivers on deep balls. Other possible reasons?
So what’s the problem? In those periods of inconsistency, I believe Rodgers simply had the yips. What are "yips"? Well, like porn, it’s one of those things that isn’t easy for me to define, but I know it when I see it. And, hey, I’m not suggesting Aaron is a pussy – far from it. In fact, he probably stands in the pocket too long, all too often, absorbing more hits than he needs to! But, like any human being, Rodgers is susceptible to the physical effects of a mild form of the psychosomatic condition known amongst the mental trauma community as PTSD. His muscles unconsciously tense up (the yips) to the point where he lacks the fine motor control that he once took for granted before he was sidelined in a sling for an extended period of time. Take, for example, Aaron’s terrible mechanics. “Stop right there, Coach, Aaron’s always had bad arm angles and odd footwork, but they never were a problem before!” I agree; however, if his entire body is tensed up on top of having bad mechanics, it exacerbates the likelihood of him being inaccurate. Additionally, the game film shows he tends to throw in more of a defensive posture (e.g. throwing off his rear heel while backing up), instead of wielding an aggressive pass by leveraging oblique muscle torque as he did in his heyday. Try this at home: I bet you can’t tighten your oblique muscles in a throwing motion with your other skeletal muscles taught. OK sit down now, you look ridiculous. So what can be done? The good news is that Rodgers’ problem isn’t really insolvable mechanics, it’s more between the ears. Overcoming his psychological barriers will probably require him to take more of his own advice: R-E-L-A-X. That simple? Well, maybe! In what became the game-winning drive in Detroit, you could see him saying (when the camera zoomed in on in the huddle) “Calm down,” which most casual viewers likely interpreted as the field general leading his troops. On the other hand, as Coach believes, it was Rodgers verbalizing to himself what he needed to do to complete passes accurately. A salient need for this year’s Super Bowl run will be to have Mr. Rodgers keep from tensing up on Sundays. No offense to Dan Patrick, but maybe Princess Olivia should be brought back in for the playoff run. She famously claimed “No sex with Aaron the morning of a game” (wisely realizing it would be too reckless to have him risk exhaustion, or a back injury, or – worse, pull a hammie during some aggressive Dutch-door action), but when asked if blow jobs were out of the question she replied with a smile, “Not necessarily.” So maybe our farmer friend from the radio call-in show was on to something after all! I mean, nothing relaxes a man more while heightening his senses than a good morning hummer. …At least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme It’s been over a week since the squeaker in Detroit (actually our 2nd squeaker against Detroit this year) so Coach is going to assume that you, the loyal reader, has already studied the dusty corners of the internet where only the intrepid explore and, before you scrambled to erase your browsing history, you looked at all the main-stream-media analysis of the game (which means Coach is going with “analysis-lite” on the X’s & O’s this week). Quick aside, did you know we were featured in a recent Jeopardy episode? The Answer: “Detroit” The Correct Question: “Which NFL Team led for two full games, 8-quarters, of football during the 2019 Season but was beaten in both by the Green Bay Packers?” Wow, what a regular season? Nobody, I mean nobody, predicted 13 wins. While this is a very positive and unexpected result for the newly wed Aaron Rodgers and his best buddy Petite Fleur, this is Title Town and we don’t really care about 2019 if we don’t bring home another Lombardi Trophy. Let’s stay focused on that as we think about how we closed-out the 2019 Season. Big, unexpected win in St. Paul, MN followed by a nail-biter, narrow, win over a 3-win Lions team? Huh? Vikings-bad or us-good? Hell, they were playing for playoff positioning and went on to kick-ass over the NO Saints in the Wild-Card Round. They had every right to want to kill the Pack and couldn’t do it!! We good! Lions-good or us-bad? More like us believing our own press clippings. Much like the game against the Chargers, it was obvious that we believed the press and Vegas and we just did not show up to play. Coach, what do we conclude? Well if we “decide” to play, we have a team that could win the next two games and be in the Super Bowl. Some thoughts on the negatives… Turnover differential: We’ve lived on turnovers all year and we “only” broke-even with Detroit on turnovers. And we beat Detroit anyway! Penalties: For the whole season we are averaging 6 penalties per game and were the 9th least penalized team. This level of discipline bodes well for the Playoffs, but we shot ourselves in the foot in this game. And we beat Detroit anyway! Rushing: We’ve become a rushing team. While 120 yards is not bad, the 4 yds/attempt was in the bottom 1/3rd of the NFL for the week. We need to do something like our Season Average of 4.4 yds/carry during the Playoffs. And we beat Detroit anyway! Defense: In the 1st Half we played sloppy and lazy. The last two games Coach was praising Lowry after beating him up earlier in the Season. On this run both Lowry and Lancaster get just blown out of the hole against a mediocre D-Line. Are they tired? Maybe, but no excuses come Playoffs. And we beat Detroit anyway! What the hell? This exactly the same play the Vikings ran the week prior. We got lucky that Diggs overthrew the ball in St. Paul; Not so lucky this time, Amendola hit wide-open 3rd string QB Blough and put the Lions up 7-0. And we beat Detroit anyway! Some thoughts on the positives... Kicker: Mason Crosby is 22 for 24 FG on the year and 40 of 41 on extra points. Good enough for the Playoffs! Punter: JK Scott has recovered from Coach Meningitis’ attempt to “fix” him. Good enough for the Playoffs! Returns: Tyler Ervin is now ranked #19 in yards/punt return as you can see above, he’s also a threat on kick-off returns. Good enough for the Playoffs! Defense: Played really poorly in the 1st Half and then turned it on in the 2nd Half and shut down Detroit. The Defense finished the 2019 Season ranked #9 in points allowed. The D gave up way too many yards but got stops and turnovers when it mattered. Good enough for the Playoffs! Offense: We finished the Season as the #14 Scoring Offense and peaked at No. 7 when we spread the ball around and didn’t have Davante Adams. Is our running game good enough? Yes, normally it has been good enough throughout the Season, let’s hope this ass-kicking in Detroit on 4th and 1-yard was just an aberration. Is our passing game good enough? Sometimes yes, sometimes no… Coach is getting tired of saying that Jimmy Graham needs to be in sweatpants, but for whatever reason LaFleur is afraid to de-activate him. Graham has had a few nice plays this year, but more often than not he is a liability. Bench him. What’s left? Yes. Rodgers. Once again, this team will go as far as Rodgers can take them. We’re in the “pretty good zone” as a team, but AR is not playing anywhere near his peak level when he dominated the NFL in the year of our Lord 2011. As I said before (and ignoring his perfect QBR against the Raiders in Week 7), Aaron has occasionally had the yips. “The Problem” is that he doesn’t know it or isn’t willing to acknowledge it. Probably the most disturbing comment was Rodgers post-game presser where he acknowledged that he was missing passes, but he was confused why the passes weren’t’ connecting because they felt so good when he was throwing them. Coach understands. There’s a point in your 30’s where you can’t beat the 20-year-olds anymore in Rec-League basketball. Your mind knows where they are going before they do, but the body doesn’t cooperate. What does a rational person do when something doesn’t work? That’s right, STOP! We’re in a close game, and we need a first down? Right. Let’s chuck it 30 yards down field and watch the ball hit the turf. And then do it again. And again. Let’s just hope that in the Playoffs AR can sink his last ball with his 7-iron. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Woke Football League Modifying Stadiums To Feature Moving End Zone SAN FRANCISO, CA—A group of intersectional trans-vegan fair trade gender neutral climate activists announced plans to form a new Woke Football League, sources confirmed Tuesday when stadium reconstructions began across the country. “The WFL will offer a globally conscious and socially just alternative to the National Football League,” WFL spokesperson Peter Glasier told reporters. “Today’s fans are tired of the same old game, with its established rule book and time-honored traditions, which we now know are bad because they were created by a bunch of white men 100 years ago.” In the new league, teams will march down the field toward the Woke Zone and score points by throwing the ball to a receiver beyond the Goal Line. However, hurlers must keep their throwing elbow in contact with their hip, and the Goal Lines will constantly move away from the players as they approch the Zone. “We want to demonstrate that Masculinity has no place in our league and True Wokeness can never be fully achieved,” Glasier explained. Much like in the NFL, a first down is earned by traveling 10 yards, only the WFL player must also send a virtue-signaling tweet supporting the latest woke cause or organization. The opposing team may throw a challenge flag, at which time the supposedly woke organization’s Twitter will be scoured for any non-woke tweets, prompting the first down to be canceled. Coaches will have unlimited challenges. A team wins by proving they are more woke than their opponent (because no real points are ever made). Games are expected to last an average of 3.5 months when overwhelming fan indifference and common sense take hold. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Fans Unsure Why Some Teams Still Playing Football In January CHICAGO—Bears fans across the country reported their confusion after discovering that some NFL teams still play football well into January. Puzzled fans saw four Wildcard games being played on television this past weekend. “The season’s been over for a solid month,” said one man in Chicago as he caught the game at Chili’s. “Is this a re-run or something?” He eventually concluded that the teams must be playing just for fun. “Fools!” he chuckled. “They need to rest up an extra month or two for next season, like the Bears do every year.” The strange occurrence gave fans an idea though: perhaps the NFL could have some kind of playoffs or postseason where teams that did well enough in the regular season could compete for a championship. “It’s not a bad idea, an extra month of football,” said one woman, who’s somehow a Bears fan despite there being dozens of other teams to choose from. “You could do an elimination-style tournament where the final two teams remaining can compete for the top prize, like a trophy or something like that to display as world champion for that year.” Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Yeah, Bucky fumbled his way out of another Rose Bowl victory, and Ohio State shoulda beat Clemson in the 1st playoff round. If there were no playoffs, tOSU would have played Oregon in the Rose Bowl instead. It would have looked something like this... ...And although the PAC-12's best would come to play regardless of the Big Ten representative... The intensity of the Scarlet & Grey talent would have schooled the Ducks... ...and Ohio State would be the Rose Bowl winner. So now it's on to NCAA basketball, and the perennial favorites... (Don't plan on a Big Ten team beating these guys) But before we go, here's our prediction for the National Champs... We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game What a Wild-Card weekend! In 3 of the 4 games, the “Vegas loser” not only won the game but beat the line substantially. Even more surprising to Coach, my “point differential” predictive model took a hit and went O-fer in all 4 games. (Over the last 10 years the higher Reg Season Pt Differential has won 75% of Playoff Games. Coach believes this change is due to Pete Dougherty plagiarizing my model in his Wildcard Weekend piece in the Sunday paper while suggesting additional otherwise-obvious and thoughtless points regarding teams with a 1st-round bye having a better chance at getting to the Super Bowl – uhm, duh. …2-minutes of my life I can’t get back.) And just like last year, all the games were close, average score 18-points, with a six-point average win (21-15). Pete Rozelle is smiling up from his grave, the long-time NFL Commish dreamed of “parity” when he designed the NFL revenue sharing formula. Now it seems his vision reigns, at least as far as the Wild-Card Round of the Playoffs. It really does seem to have been anyone’s game last weekend. Now let’s dig a little bit deeper for the Divisional Round. The table below has:
In the Divisional Round, all of the games seem to have much clearer outcomes. On the AFC sides both the Ravens and Chiefs look much stronger and should easily win at home. On the NFC side, Vegas really likes the Niners over the Vikings, with the same 9.5 pt line as on the AFC side. However, on all of the individual stats the Vikings and Niners are much closer. Who knows, the Niners have looked weaker the last few weeks, maybe the Queens can pull off the upset? (And if they do, that would set the Packers up as playing for Home-Field in the NFC Championship when they play the SeaTurds in the last game of the weekend). What is Seattle gonna try agin’ us? They are a running team that is down to their 3rd string RB, so they will have to rely on re-signed Marshmallow Lynch. He did score against the Eagles, but he only had 7 yards on 6 carries. He is not a threat. He is a decoy. That means they will rely on trick plays and Russell Wilson running all over the yard. He is a threat and a decoy. They will look at the 2019 game tape and be tempted to try flea-flickers like the one above and no-doubt Wilson will go out on a pass route at some point as he did in his Big Ten Championship and Rose Bowl performances. Let’s hope that BJ Metcalf has about as much accuracy as Stephanie Diggs. Yes boys & girls, this one is going to boil-down to how well Rodgers can control the game and how crazy the crowd is at Lambeau. The chart below is truly amazing. During the Favre/Rodgers era, the Packers are 8-1 at Lambeau vs. the Seahacks. And these games are typically not close, the average score as been 30-17. Coach was at all of the home games against the Blue & Teal and enjoyed them all (except for the 2016 game when Coach, Sr. was dead in Iowa). …and undoubtedly the most fun games in that stretch were the two playoff games. January 12th, 2008 was the “Snow Globe” game. The game started poorly with Ryan Grant losing two fumbles and the Seagulls taking a 14-point lead. Grant recovered his composure and went on to run for 201 yards and 3 touchdowns, both Packers playoff records. The Pack won, 42-20. The following week was Favre INT disaster against the Giants…different story for another day. The wildest ending was the Wild Card game, January 4th, 2004. Mike Sherman was our Coach and Mike Holmgren was running the Hacks. Former Packer QB “Mr. August” Matt Hasselbeck led SeaTac back to tie the game at 27 with 55 seconds left in the game. Favre got the Pack down to the 29 with 5 seconds left, but Longwell had too much Applebee’s the night before and missed a 47-yard opportunity to win the game. After winning the OT coin-toss Matt Hasselbeck leaned into Ref’s mic and famously exclaimed: “We want the ball and we’re gonna score!” Well Mr. August was correct, he did in fact throw the winning pass! On 3rd and 11 at their own 44, Hasselbeck dropped back and threw a pick to Al Harris, who ran down the Visitor’s sideline into the North Endzone. Whatta game!! Coach is completely confident that AR and Lefleur will get on the same page. Unless we catch the Badgers’ turnover bug, the Pack will turn the corner on a close game midway through the 2nd quarter and we’ll win going away. Packers 30 SeaHoax 13 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Remember another #25, Dave Hampton? The crib notes version is that Hampton was drafted by Vince Lombardi out of Wyoming in the 9th round in 1969, and then about 20 minutes later Lombardi left the Packers and 3 years later Hampton was traded to Atlanta. He was a running back that also returned kicks, and he was pretty good at it. However, in 1970 he got hurt and his replacement is this week’s hero, a local dairy farm boy from Greenwood, Wisconsin, Larry Krause. (See how I tricked you there with the old “bait and switch”? Gotcha!) Pat Peppler, the Green Bay Packers' director of player personnel, took a chance on the running back out of tiny St. Norbert College in De Pere in the 17th round of the 1970 NFL draft. The 6-foot, 208-pound Krause had a solid camp, but he was Phil Bengtson's final cut. "Back then, if a team claimed you at that point they had to put you on their 40-man roster," Krause said. "The Packers cut me and hoped to get me through waivers. But the Steelers called and claimed me." The bottom line was this: Krause would be on an NFL roster. He just didn't know if it would be in Green Bay or Pittsburgh, and the Steelers wanted Krause at practice the next day. See also, Taysom Hill. Then Peppler made the call that Ted Thompson never did … a call to the Steelers' Art Rooney Sr. "I told Art he was a local kid, and we'd like to keep him," Peppler said. "Art was a great guy and let Krause go. He knew down the road the favor would be returned." Due to an injury suffered by Dave Hampton, Krause became the team's primary kickoff returner in '70. He carved out his niche as a Rookie, leading the special teams in tackles and being one of the NFC's top kickoff returners with 18 returns for 513 yards (28.5 avg.). "In the 1960s, every kid in Wisconsin watched the Packers game on Sunday," Krause said. "And now I was one of them. Lucky for me, NFL teams were just starting to hire special teams coaches and keep players just for special teams," he continued. "I was kind of a new breed as teams realized the importance of special teams and started emphasizing it more. I played on all of them." "I took a lot of pride in being the first guy down the field on coverage," he said. "I had to lead the team in tackles. That's how I'd stay on the roster." Krause's first and only NFL touchdown was a memorable one - and it came ironically against the Steelers in Pittsburgh on December 6, 1970. His 100-yard kickoff return keyed Green Bay to a 20-12 victory, evening its record at 6-6 before the Packers lost their final two games on the road. Bengtson retired after the 1970 season, and that was not good news for Krause. "Phil liked me and gave me opportunities," Krause said. On the other hand, Dan Devine had little interest in Krause as a position player when he took over the following year. In 1972, the Packers won the NFC Central title with a 12-4 record. It was a difficult and challenging season for Krause, however, as he broke his jaw in the preseason finale and spent the entire season on injured reserve. In 1973, Krause remained a special teams mainstay and standout. He returned 11 kickoffs for 244 yards (22.2 avg.), but had only 1 return in his final 1974 season. Devine resigned after the 1974 season to take the head coaching position at Notre Dame after a frustrating 6-8 campaign that included the Packers losing its last three games on the road. "Our team was divided under Dan Devine. It was the old Packer guard and the new Devine camp," Krause said. "Devine never had the full cooperation of the staff. As in any organization, there has to be one purpose, one focus. We never had that." Those sorts of things are difference makers between a team that loses half its games and a team with a 2nd round bye. Just sayin.
Krause went into the Banking & Insurance industry after football, and is now retired on a lake 20 minutes north of Antigo. Nice. It's a bye week for Coach, too! See ya next week when I'm back to set the table for the Divisional Round matchup. In the meantime, enjoy these pics from episodes past... |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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