Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: ...the NFL was right to assign a woman ref to the Super Bowl. This week the NFL announced that Sarah Thomas will be positioned as the Down Judge, also referred to as the Head Linesman, for Super Bowl LV. I’m not sure why they gave her that role, but it sure sounds like a good idea to me. Sarah will be responsible for accurately and consistently counting up to four, unless of course a 1st down is achieved by the Offense. Oh sure, I’ve heard the questions about having women referees… “How can she possibly break up a fight between players?” … “They can’t even drive, how are they gonna navigate the action on the field?” … “Is there no sanctuary left for a man?” … “Does the carpet match the drapes?” … but these are socially unjust and, honestly, not worth answering here despite an impressive array of supporting evidence. C’mon fellas, open your minds a little. Don’t just think about her performance during the game, think of the impact she will have OUTSIDE the lines. There are seven male officials that are part of that Super Bowl officiating team, too. Wouldn’t it be nice to have Sarah get them a fresh cup of hot coffee and a newspaper as they gather in the hotel lobby before heading to the game? Or how about a pleasant Bundt cake on Super Bowl Eve when the guys are going over their notes together (don’t forget their slippers, Sweet Cheeks!) … not to worry if some cake crumbs drop onto the carpeting, guys – Sarah is right there to vacuum it up for you! She’ll take your plate, too. Post-game … it’s always easier for a fit woman to attract a cab with a whistle than it is for middle-aged men. The possibilities are endless. What took the NFL so long to get to this point? As groundbreaking as an NFL woman referee may sound, it was really the Italians who took the first bite at this apple. Claudia Romani, who officiates the game of soccer in Italy (what Europeans call “Futbol”), is perhaps the world’s most famous referee! So kudos to her, and really to Europe as a whole for showing us Americans a thing or two about social justice. Who knows what kind of impact women referees could have on America as we finally can now move forward together as a united people? Maybe someday a woman could even be a doctor, or the CEO of a major corporation! (Ha ha, juuuuust kidding ... OK, back to reality…) So congrats on the choice and THANK YOU to the NFL for this sweeping decision (no pun intended). This is just what football needed. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Coach said last week: “Like any playoff game there will be nail biting moments … but at the end of this one we are going to win comfortably…” The game did, in fact, get tight and after 3 Quarters; we only led by a TD. But as Coach predicted, we won going away with Rodgers taking a knee to end the game when we could have easily tacked on another 7 points. The reality is that the Packers are playing in the “Gold Zone” mindset and can only be beaten by themselves (go check it out, Coach has been saying this for weeks, well before the Packers have been admitting it out loud). Loyal readers will know that Coach always respects good Defense, and the Rams came into the game with the No. 1 Defense. Which means, what? Yeah, that’s right. It means we don’t care and we kicked their collective asses! In a couple of moments of true Schadenfreude (look it up), the Rams “stars” suffered a humiliating loss. You have undoubtedly read that Davante Adams approached Ramsey before the game and told him to “Get it on” and “Follow me around the field” and “Let’s give them the show they came for.” It’s not bragging if you can’t back it up! After getting torched by Adams for the Packers first TD, Ramsey found lots of “other people” to blame. What a frickin’ loser. It’s a team sport, dumbass. You may have noticed after Sunday that the same mainstream media pundits who touted Ramsey’s greatness prior to Sunday were quick to defend him on every play he gave up. Like Pappy Coach used to tell me, when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. When it became clear that they were going home without their snow globe participation trophies, Aaron McDonald didn’t have much to say. Later in The Show!!! we’ll have a look at Elgton Jenkins kicking McDonald’s ass into the offseason. As Coach said, we can only be beaten by ourselves this year. The Defense has gotten better each week and DC Poutine has continued to get better and more creative in stopping the run (well some of the time anyway). In a refreshing change of pace, Poutine actually committed 8 guys to the box when it was a passing situation (1st down and the Rams were behind by 15-points). And, as he’s done on occasion earlier this year, Z’Darious Smith became the “up” Middle Linebacker, or maybe he’s the “off” Nose Tackle … hard to say because ILB Krys Barnes is right behind him. In any case, we are generally committing more beef and better beef to the middle of the field. On this particular play they stuffed Rams RB Cam Akers for no gain. To borrow the Denny Green quote, before we “crown his ass” for being a genius DC, Poutine went back to doing stupid shit. Beginning the play after stuffing Akers above, we had Defensive Tackles dropping into zone coverage while only rushing 3 guys … this dumb ass defensive concept fooled exactly no one and the Rams passed the ball straight down our throats to make it 25-18. Ennewaze … Coach supposes that the Defense is playing “well enough” to carry us and they did get key stops at the end of the game. The scary Unit was, and still is, Special Teams. What does ST Coach Meningitis have to do to get fired? Literally every week there is a new and different F’up, the creativity of this group seems boundless! In this week’s installment of “How can we screw up the game on Special Teams?” long snapper and wasted draft pick* Hunter Bradley just flat ass missed on the snap. * Bradley was selected by the Green Bay Packers with the 239th overall pick in the seventh round of the 2018 NFL Draft. This made Bradley only the ninth long snapper ever drafted into the NFL. Coach loves Gooty, but this was a major error on his part. The bad snap was compounded by local Mensa-Chapter-Leader and noted football-tackling-expert JK Scott’s decision to pass the ball to our franchise kicker Mason Crosby in hopes that he would either outrun 11 NFL defenders for 20 yards into the end zone for 1-point or be killed. ST Coordinator Mennenga has apparently been schooled by Mike McCarthy on the finer skills of rectal-cranial inversion and failed to instruct his holder of the most basic NFL concept to throw the ball out of bounds when the extended extra point kick is aborted. Let’s just hope for a new ST coach (and even new punter!) next year. Imagine, you’re a coach, a COORDINATOR – on a Super Bowl winning team, and you get fired. Yep, that’s what we need. Not to be outdone by Hunter Bradley’s incompetence, newly acquired Punt-Return-Artist-and-Expert-Fumbler Tavon Austin completely misread this punt and it sailed over his head. The result of this play was a net 64-yard punt and a completely negative change in field position. On the ensuing drive we ended up with our first punt of the game … just saying. The mind-boggling part? Even with Average-D and crappy ST, we are only one or two corrected mistakes away from being one of the all-time dominant teams … … we had 9 drives and scored on 6 of them, punted twice and knelt down to end the game… … and we were (literally) just a couple of minor mistakes away from scoring 63 points. (Coach will help you folks out: 9 x 7 = 63.) Battering ram AJ “Juggernaut” Dillion demonstrated that we can run the ball up the middle on the best Defense in the League … and we went right down the field on our 1st drive. Unfortunately we stalled in the Gold Zone and had to settle for a FG. On all three 1st & Goal plays we were very close to TD’s. All three just inches away, so Coach will count this drive as: Shudda Been: 7-0 Pack The Packers have been running the Inside Zone extremely well since about the Tampa Bay game (more later in The Show!!! down below). The point being that we are doing very well running straight at good run Defenses. On 3rd & 1 Elgton Jenkins blasts Aaron McDonald out of the way and Jamaal hits the hole for 9 yards and a 1st Down. This TD is a work of art by Rodgers and Adams to make the score 10-3. Jalen Ramsey getting thoroughly toasted was simply a bonus. Shudda Been: 14-0 Pack After a good stop by the D and a non-fumbled-8-yd-punt-return by Tavon Austin, AR ran for a TD. This is the drive where JK Scott tried yet another way to prove that he is not really a football player, and Shawn Mennenga not a coach. Shudda Been: 21-0 Pack After the Rams scored a TD, we started at our own 25 with 29 seconds left in the half. Rodgers just barely underthrew this pass to Adams before the Half. If he throws the ball 1 more foot downfield, Adams would have caught the ball in stride and scored. Coach is now officially declaring the State of Wisconsin as “shudda been” 28-10 at the Half over California. Shudda Been: 28-0 Pack Continuing with the inside zone running, Aaron Jones opened up the 2nd half with a 60 yarder…more to come on this later in The Show!!!. With the score 25-10 it apparently “seemed logical” to go for 2 and maybe make the score 27-10. But … the 2-pt conversion has odds only marginally above 50% and the XP is a 96+% play (well for the league, maybe not for us). The “play chart” says kick the XP … but LaFleur was no doubt pissed-off at Meningitis and went for 2. Not smart, when the Rams scored and made a 2-pt conversion, it made for a 7-pt. game. Shudda Been: 35-10 Holy cripes…this drive had two TD’s just evaporate. On 1st & 17, A-Rod just flat out misses MVS up the sideline for what shoulda/woulda been a 92-yd TD. (On 1st & 10 from the 15 Wagner had a phantom holding penalty, backing up the Pack half-the-distance to the goal line.) Three plays later AR sets up Alan Lazard for a TD which he drops… Shudda Been: 42-10 After a 2nd ram-it-through-Poutine’s prevent Defense and embarrass us with a razzle-dazzle 2-pt conversion, we made it to the 50 and just stalled on a series of incompletes. This one is probably the weakest “shudda”, so let’s call it: Cudda Been: 49-18 Shudda Been (at least): 42-18 You know it’s our year when the ball is knocked out of Dillon’s hands and it bounces directly to AR and he gains a yard to make it 3rd & “manageable.” Making up for his earlier drop, Alan Lazard pulls in an A-Rod pass for a TD. You may recall that Lazard put a crown on AR after he got to 400 TD passes and AR returns the favor after this dagger … you can tell this team really, really likes each other. Cudda Been: 56-18 Shudda Been (at least): 49-18 After a great Defensive stop of the Rams, we go the ball back at the Rams 46 with 4:59 on the clock. With the Rams knowing full well that we wanted to run out the clock, we jammed it down their throat to the 13-yd line. At the 2-min warning the Rams were out of time-outs so LaFleur/Rodgers did the classy thing by kneeling 3 times to run out the game clock. Cudda Been: 63-18 Shudda Been (at least): 56-18 Only the Team facing us in the Mirror can stop the 2020 Packers … on to the Buccaneers!! WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Terrell Owens Blasts Today’s Fragile NFL Players Who Can’t Just Play Through Covid Like He Did Paso Robles, CA—Following the rescheduling of multiple games and lackluster performances of teams without key position players as league officials dealt with the spread of the virus, Hall of Fame player and relationship expert Terrell Owens on Wednesday blasted today’s fragile NFL players who can’t just play through Covid like he did. “Back in our day, we were tough, and we were always out there on the field, no matter whether we had Covid or how bad our Covid was,” said Owens, recalling a 1998 game with the San Francisco 49ers when most of the team came down with Covid in the first half and they still held on to beat the Atlanta Falcons. “You think Ben Coates or La'Roi Glover is skipping a game because he’s running a fever or lost his sense of smell? These guys today are quitting on their teams the second they hear they have it, and some of them don’t even have symptoms. Fact is, the entire Vikings team—[Randall] McDaniel, [Robert] Griffith, [Todd] Steussie, [Randy] Moss, all those guys—they had Covid the whole season back in ’98, and they made it all the way to the NFC championship game. Back then, were we feeling achy? Sure. Were we unhappy? Yeah. Were we most likely responsible for our assistant coach’s death from Covid? Probably. But you just went out there and played, man, Covid or no.” Owens also criticized NFL fans for not manning up and attending games anyway, saying that the fans back in the 1990s would have showed up with their ventilators and cheered their teams on the whole game. ADVERTISEMENT – New PEP Cereal from Kellogg’s: it's Mother’s little helper The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Not Winning Is Fine With Bears Brass It’s January, which of course means 3 things:
Last weekend marked the 10-year anniversary of the Bears last playoff victory. Problem? Not for Bears executives. In fact, much to the dismay of Bears fans and delight of Packers fans everywhere, both general manager Ryan Pace and head coach Matt Nagy WERE RETAINED by the Bears for another season. Upon learning this news, Bears defensive coordinator Chuck Pagano quit. That really happened. Bears Chairman George McCaskey defended the decision to maintain mediocrity based on how impressed he was with Nagy and Pace during their 6 game losing streak. Seriously – that’s what he said! As for Bears CEO & President Ted Phillips, he said he had vigorous discussions with Nagy and Pace which led him to believe both are still learning but are excellent people, and all successful organizations despite wins and losses have good people. That’s a lot of words for saying the Bears are committed to being nice losers. Perfect! …let the suckage continue. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Wax Up You Boards! With zero Badger football news and snow a possibility for Sunday at Lambeau, we are getting you in the mood...shoosh! We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Awright, let’s get all of the emotional stuff out of the way first … …yes, it’s been 13 years since the last NFC Championship at Lambeau in 2007 when Favre crushed our souls with the idiotic interception against the Giants. …yes, it’s AR’s first home NFC Championship and he’s undoubtably the favorite to be the 2020 MVP. …yes, both the League and the TV Networks want a rematch of Super Bowl I (Packers & Chiefs). Into that mix you can stir the fact that the Pack are 1-3 in NFC Championship Games on Rodgers watch, and most people will want Aaron to “beat” Tom (Coach will ignore the irony that neither are on the field together at any time). So just what is the AR-Packers history in NFC Championships: 2010 (W) Packers 21 Bears 14 AR threw 2 INT’S, 0 TD’S and finished with a passer rating (PR) of 55.4. 2014 (L) Packers 22, SeaChickens 28 (OT) AR played with a calf injury against No. 1 D and finished with 2 INT’s, 1 TD and 55.8 PR. 2016 (L) Packers 21, Falcons 44 60.0% completion rate, 45 passes, 287-yds, 3 TD’s, 1 INT and a 91.6 PR, mainly from garbage time. 2019 (L) Packers 20, Niners 37 First-half: 1 INT, 2 fumbles, lost one, and 52.1 PR. Average: Packers 21, Other Guys 31 One could argue that over this period the:
So what about this year’s NFC Championship matchup? For the Regular Season and Playoffs, the Pack & the Buc’s are about as close statistically as you can get. We are the No. 1 scoring offense, and they are the No. 2. Defensively they are No. 8 and we are No. 12. The net result in Point Differential is that we are the No. 1 ranked team (9.1 pts/gm), and they are No. 3 (8.6 pts/gm). Add the 2020 “2-points for home field advantage” (or the historical 3-pts) and you match the betting line of 3.5 exactly. Ironically enough, that’s also the Packers historical advantage over the Buc’s. Which means what exactly? The emotional tug on the heart strings for Aaron to win, the history Aaron and Pack in NFC Championships and the 2020 Stats won’t matter, the game is going to be decided on the field and will ultimately boil down to which team makes the fewest mistakes. Oh, and they also have to score more points than the other team. (Unless Coach’s brother is correct, in which case the fix is in from Vegas. At the moment of this writing all the money is flowing to the Packers and Vegas will make a killing if the Pack doesn’t cover the 3.5-pt spread … hmmm … just making an observation here.) So let’s take a high-level view of the 2020 Season and roll in some observations from the 38-10 beatdown we received earlier this year at the Pirate Bowl in Tampa. Key Factor No. 1 – Don’t turn over the ball (Sorry, Coach is contractually obligated to state the obvious.) The Roger’s/LaFleur’s regime has had seven losses over 2019 and 2020 and we had a negative turnover differential in six of those games. In the seventh loss the turnovers were even; that was the 2019 game against the Chargers when the Team never got off the bus. The graph below shows the Point Differential (Scored vs. Allowed) for 2020 vs. the Turnover Differential in each of the 17 games played so far. In case you missed the point, the winning margin and turnover differential are related. If you want to torture yourself --- scroll down to the X&O’s from the Tampa Bay earlier this year and you will find all the gory details of our loss. Suffice it to say, Rodgers’ 3rd-ever pick-6 was a big factor (his other INT was returned to the 2, so basically he threw two pick-6’s in that game, although Davante basically handed that 2nd one to the defender). And, Tampa Bay's four takeaways last weekend were the difference in the Bucs' defeat of the Saints. So what are the Packers doing about it? Well, let’s try to eliminate mistakes. One of the scary turnover possibilities is if recently signed Tavon Austin fumbles another punt. Punt fumbles are obviously the worst as you typically give up 40 yards in field position along with the ball. Coach was aghast seeing Austin in live action against the Rams last weekend, he uses the ball to help his balance when he’s running. The photo above isn’t overly clear, but you can see how far away the ball is from his body. This is a key factor in why he has fumbled 10% of his punt returns over his career (see last week’s issue for more). Contrast that with how Tramon Williams is carrying the ball “high ’n tight” (like most of the girls Coach picked up in college) in this TD punt return against the Lions. Williams was just re-signed by the Pack after he was released by the Ravens following their Playoff elimination last weekend. Who knows if he’ll be activated from the practice squad this weekend, but he certainly can field punts without fumbling and will provide depth in the D-Backfield (fingers crossed, Kevin King left Friday’s practice with a “tight back”). Key Factor No. 2 – hold the Buc’s under 24 (Coach reminds you again, he is contractually obligated to state the obvious.) Coach has been going crazy about our Defense since 2011. Bitching about poor defensive performances was the single biggest motivator to start this blog. Well, that, and an affinity for large breasts and sarcasm. But I digress… In 2019 we gave up an average of 21.6 pts/game … and it has ballooned to an average of 26.6 pts/game in 2020 and we are now ranked 20th in Road Points Allowed. On the flip side, we allowed 19.9 pts/game at Home in 2019 and 19.3 pts/game in 2020. This puts us at the No. 4 Defense in Points allowed at Home. Over the last 4 games we’ve allowed 16 pts/game, which puts us at No. 3 in scoring Defense. The point of all of this is that we are certainly capable of playing good enough Defense to get to the Super Bowl and win it. Key Factor No. 3 – score more than 27 points. Both Offenses are capable of producing a shootout and Tampa Bay’s scoring on the Road is actually 32.5 pts/game. If we split the difference between the points our D is allowing at home, and how many the Buc’s score on the road, they should score in the neighborhood of 24 points. Not-for-nothing, the Over/Under is 51.5 … if the Buc’s score 24 and we score 27 it’s Under, we score 28 and it’s Over. The questions that you, the ever loyal and venerable reader, should be asking is: “OK Coach, I get it, but how are we going to do it? Didn’t we get gashed 38-10 by these punks in Week 5 this year?” The following clips and comments will make you smarter and you will enjoy the victory even more (after memorizing this section)! Let’s start with what LaFleur is calling on Offense this year. Last year and the start of this year we had been primarily running an outside zone run scheme. Against teams with defensive speed this just doesn’t work… ya gotta go North & South. You can see the problem with the Outside Zone Run Scheme on the very first play of the game last fall. Lucas Patrick couldn’t get out fast enough to block Devin White, the Buc’s star ILB, and the run is stuffed. Contrast that with last weekend when we faced the No. 1 D in the League and lit them up by running straight at them. Guard Elgton Jenkins in the clip above is destroying all-universe DT Aaron McDonald. The Inside Zone Run actually did work against the Buc’s last fall, we just didn’t run it enough. You can see the Bucs are playing in a Nickle D and only have 6 in the box, so A-Rod sticks with the Inside Zone Run on the run-pass-option (aka RPO) and AJ Dillon has a huge carry (BFD!). LaFleur admitted (and ARod also emphasized) this week that he got away from the running game back in October, and the pass-centric comeback effort was doomed by Tampa Bay defensive coordinator Todd Bowles' pressure packages that the Packers struggled to handle, particularly when left tackle David Bakhtiari exited the game with an injury and Rick Wagner was miscast into that position. Last week the Rams opened the 2nd-half in a similar Nickel defensive alignment, so A-Rod went with the run in the RPO and Aaron Jones was off for 60 yards. Run inside and run more often than we did against TB last fall, that’s the formula! And when or if they move up to stop the run, ARod will kill them over the top! Last week the Defense rose to meet the moment (at least when Poutine wasn’t holding them back with ridiculous concepts, see X&O’s above). The Buc’s O-Line is OK, but Kenny C should be able to wreak havoc on Brady at times up the middle and force him to scramble, perhaps forcing a pick or two. All of that running and defensive stuff is important, but let’s be honest about what is really fueling this team. 1) Aaron Rodgers is in the Gold-Zone and he is making every other team in the league give him gold. On his running TD, AR completely faked out former Bears 1st Round Draft Pick, Leonard Floyd. It turns out the Floyd is pretty good, but his talent was not obvious until he was able to get away from the Bears organization (go figure). 2) The players and coaches have all commented on how important it was to have a crowd, and the crowd was loud! Coach can confirm, those inane plastic signs make a lot of noise when they are whapped on the metal bleachers. If you’re at the game on Sunday and don’t have a sign, pound your heel into the empty bleacher in front of you. That’s makes an insane amount of noise, too! Coach is going to officially call this a 4-point win. Packers 28 Buccaneers 24 Like any playoff game there will be nail biting moments … but at the end of this one we are going to win going away and if we don’t turn over the ball, this should be more like 31-21. Either way, I’m calling Over. See you in Tampa, boys! Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Coach thought, “What better way to enter Championship Weekend in Green Bay than to tell the guys about a real champ and local hero, Champ Seibold?” Champ grew up in Oshkosh and went to the University of Wisconsin before eventually playing Left Tackle for the Packers between 1934-1940. Of course you’ll recall he was a particular standout performer in 1936 when the Packers won their 5th NFL Championship … not too much unlike the Packers targeting their 5th Super Bowl victory this year, but let’s not get two weeks too far ahead of ourselves just yet. The reliable Packers blocker was part of many good teams during his tenure, which included numerous Hall of Famers, and he even won another NFL Championship in 1939. That summer he also joined the Chicago police force. Go figure.
Perhaps the most unique, yet unimportant, piece of trivia about Champ is that he wore a different number every year he played for the Packers. Usually he was one of the last to report to camp and sign a contract, so he would get whatever jerseys were left at that point. He also was part of the 1935 team that first shifted the Packers jersey color scheme from blue/gold to green/gold in the middle of the season. The colors went back and forth between blue and green over numerous years until Curly Lambeau was forced to retire in 1949, and then forever more the Packers remained green and gold (actually, hunter green and mustard yellow to be precise, but I digress...). After retirement from football (and from his side job keeping the peace in The Windy City), when his father started getting a bit long in the tooth Champ returned to Oshkosh to run Seibold’s Tavern on Commercial Street and became a quiet, famous neighbor amongst the locals. Champ passed away of an apparent heart attack in 1971 at the tender age of 59 at his home on Lake Street in Oshkosh, and that town hasn’t been the same since. So, Champ Seibold, you were a true Champ in many ways, on this Championship Weekend, we salute you!
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: ...Aditi Kinkhabwala has a face for radio. What the hell is NFL Network thinking? It’s run by (or really, it’s governed by) Jerry Jones, and we all know he’s a terrible evaluator of talent. They must be trying to check some perverse diversity box or something, because reporter Aditi Kinkhabwala is too ugly to make television appearances on NFL news. C’mon, NFL Network – stick with mainstay hotties that made Coach interested in watching your cable programming in the first place. Honestly, we like football, but could care less about what is happening to teams outside of Green Bay (or insert your home team city if you happen to be a fan of another team, except Chicago of course). Just stay with what you’re good at, featuring the likes Colleen Wolfe… ...and Marjorie MJ Acosta… ...and Molly Qerim… ...and, of course, Wonder Woman... So, NFL Network, use your head and give a guy a break. You have a great cable channel, but you also have SeriusXM channel 88. Keeping Aditi Kinkhabwala featured on that radio channel (only) is the best use of her talents. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Here’s what you need to know about the Packers v Bears game… … we are really good; we went 13-3 for 2020 and we are the No. 1 Seed in the NFC Conference Tournament. Davante Adams broke the franchise record for most catches in a season with 115 and Bubby Tunyan tied Paul Coffman for the Packers TE record with 11 TDs. And … no matter how you dress up a pig, it’s still a Bear … wait, that made no sense … anyway … … the Bears still suck. Our QB threw a lot of passes and it turns out that he is really good. At 121.5 Rodgers had the 2nd Best Passer rating ever for a full NFL Season, narrowly missing the opportunity to break the record. Narrowly missing the opportunity to break his own record of 122.5 that is. And he is the oldest on the list… Rodgers also likes the old “they don’t respect us” chip-on-the shoulder for motivation. One of the biggest last offseason is that we were a “bad” 13-3 team and that there was no way we would win the Division. Sports Illustrated and ESPN had us winning 9 games and the Division, but the rest of the football universe had us at 2 or even 3. Hmm…guess we did better. Rodgers also led the Packers to becoming just the fourth team in NFL history to finish with more touchdown passes than punts in a season, (2018 Chiefs, 2007 Patriots & 1990 Houston Oilers). In the process he led the Pack to a 2020-Season-Sweep of the Bears, and he clicked the odometer over to 101 wins all-time against Bears. For the Season we beat them by a combined average score of 38 to 21 … a three score beatdown. Coach highly recommends listening to 670 SCORE in Chicago (available on Radio.Com App) after every Bears’ loss. Grab your popcorn and sit back and enjoy as the locals beat up on the Once Proud “Monsters of the Midway”. Want to feel a little better about the Season and this team? Remember to waaay, waaay back, two weeks ago when Coach was telling about the new kid, Dafney? What, what? Yeah, him. Well he went from bouncer in Des Moines to a touchdown pass from AR in about 3 months… After the game he said he fell because his feet went numb. Numb? Yes, he was concentrating so hard on not dropping the ball his feet went numb and he fell down. (Hear that MVS?) So the routine for a Rookie UDFA is something like … tie shoes, remember to buckle helmet, pay attention and go out there when called for Special Teams… …yeah, on the ensuing kickoff Dafney is out there on the coverage team… and well… let’s just say that Corduroy Patterson knows who the rook is now. When asked which play was his favorite? “Probably the hit,” he said. “’Back in the day, your grandpa, he was hitting. He had some toughness to him.’ I feel like that’s definitely something I’d love to say to my grandkids one day.” Coach likes this guy … somebody on the Rams is gonna be really sore after getting his ass kicked by this guy. Liking it, want some more Gooty feel good? With 7:46 left in the 2nd Qtr, GB leading 14-10 after the bomb to MVS, the Bears wanted points. On 2nd & 5 from their own 25 Turdbisquit rolled out to his right and Preston Smith (91) was there to disrupt his running lane and obscure the pass. The ball is a little bit behind Kmet and Jaire Alexander (23) and Kamaal Martin (54) are there to knock it out. Rashan Gary (52) is on the spot to cover the fumble and we’re in business on the Bears 22. Six plays later and Rodgers is throwing the TD to Dafney, it’s 21-10 and the game is over. Obviously Turdbisquit loves Kmet as he tries to toss him another one in the 4th, but Packers safety Adrian Amos (31)… What ya gotta love is that it doesn’t matter who plays QB for the Bears, it’s always the same-ole-Jay. Who put these guys together for the Defense? Smith (& Smith) & Kamal Martin & Kenny Clark & Snacks & Kingsley Keke & Krys Barnes & Adrian Amos & Rashan Gary & Darnel Savage & Vernon Scott & Jaire Alexander & Chandon Sullivan? Who? Yeah, that guy Gooty you were dis’ing last April for not taking a WR. BTW, we have the No. 1 scoring Offense in the NFL! What a WASTE it would have been to take a WR in the 1st round. Just sayin … can’t do better than No. 1. D Perfect? Heck No! Coach is with King Mongkut of Siam, keeping Kevin King out there at CB is just a puzzlement. For the life of me it doesn’t make sense why Tramon Williams is playing for Baltimore and not for us … Kevin King is a non-stop “how not to do it” demonstration. Coach has 7 clips of major mistakes by King in this game alone … unfortunately waaay too many to capture here, so we’re just gonna show two for now. With only 3 yards to go for a 1st down, King lines up 8 yards away from Robinson. Even Turdbisquit can see this and he tosses and easy 1st down. You know that kid in little league that plays center field closes his eyes when the ball is coming to him? Watch King’s head as he comes in for the tackle. Not only is his head down (they are coaching against this technique because the tackler can hurt their own head and neck) but look at his trajectory! There is only one conclusion … his eyes are firmly closed. There’s an old principle in sports that Coach likes to use… It’s a lot easier to play Defense if you actually try to play Defense. Try it sometime, it’s really works. So to sum up, Special Teams, Defense and Offense all had good nights, but none were perfect. Rodgers had a 1st Half that was better than the careers of most NFL QB’s as he went 10 for 10. Yes, he was on fire, and then he attempted pass #11 … The Packers were up 21-13 at the Half and received the 2nd Half KO. On 1st & 10 on the GB 47 AR unleashed another TD bomb to MVS … and … three plays later we punted. Catch the ball and it’s 28-13 and game over (again). The scary part (for other teams)? We are only one or two corrected mistakes away from being one of the all-time dominant teams … something we are very close to doing as we enter the Playoffs. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Phillip-Morris Sponsors First-Ever NFL Broadcast on Nickelodeon Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes was not fortunate enough share the gridiron with Patrick Star on Sunday as the NFL simulcast one of its Wild Card games on Nickelodeon, but Drew Brees and Mitchell Trubisky were! “I was excited when Phillip-Morris representatives pitched the idea to me” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Adding, “For some reason, the good folks at Phillip-Morris really share my interest in winning over kids to NFL football so that they stay addicted to it well into adulthood.” The Wild Card playoff contest between the Chicago Bears and the New Orleans Saints featured one-of-a-kind kid-focused content and Nick-themed elements throughout, including guest reporters Miley Cyrus and Keith Hernandez, original on-field graphics, and commercial breaks featuring some of the most popular Phillip-Morris products, as well as public service announcements encouraging kids to avoid vaping. Phillip-Morris public relations executive Chester Fields acknowledged Goodell actually came up with the idea to have green slime dripping down the television screen when the Bears offense had the ball, suggesting it would make the broadcast “more watchable.” At press time, Goodell admitted to reporters, “Perhaps this Nickelodeon broadcast wasn’t the choice of every NFL fan, but it made us some fat stacks in a year when we really needed the cash and we would have been fools to walk away from that kind of money.” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Trubisky Forced to Perform Fellatio On Saints Defenders Once again the Bears proved they have no business being in the playoffs. Never mind that they backed their asses into the championship tournament without having more wins than losses, they embarrassed themselves and the NFC North Division by getting blown out on national TV (again) by a team other than the Packers. It’s like what you tell a drunk punk with beer-muscles after you punch him in the nose: “Just stay down, man.” But no, Nagy, Trubisky, Foles, they all showed up, and for 3 hours we had to listen to the announcers remind us that the Bears coach and both starting quarterbacks will probably lose their jobs because the team is so bad. IN A PLAYOFF GAME! You don’t need me to tell you this, the rest of the world was screaming it on Sunday: The Bears still suck. Aaaah, that’s a shame. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground National Championship Edition Despite a strong appearance by Ohio State, Alabama talent dominated the college football landscape. ADVERTISEMENT – Be a good wife: Clean the house and lose weight. Good advice, from your friends at Total! We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game 3:35 pm Saturday Lambeau Field Be there for the beat down… …The Rams are 2-2 over their last 4 games... A split with the SeaChickens (including the Playoff Win last weekend) A 23-20 loss to Jets An 18-7 win over the Cards Is it any wonder? The Cleveland – Los Angeles – St. Louis – Los Angeles Rams are just confused, really confused. Granted the Pack has made a few logo tweaks along the way … Yeah … let’s go with consistency. The Pack and the Rams go way back, and we beat them in our first four games in 1937 and 1938 in Cleveland and Green Bay. The overall series is very close, they are ahead by one game (46-47-2) in the series and win by an average of 0.2 pts/game. The only team that is any closer with the Pack is the Bears. But for 2020 it’s been a different story. We have the No. 1 Scoring Offense at 31.8 ppg and they have the No. Scoring Defense at 18.5 ppg. The Net Scoring Margin for 2020 favors us 6 points and we will be at home with about 6,000 screaming fans (including Coach, of course) … and guess what? Vegas favors us by a TD. In the Rodgers’ era we are 4-1-0 and have won by an average of 8 points. In a weird twist, we lost in LA in 2018 and 2019 (to the Rams and Chargers respectively) in games where we were favored … but also on very hot days. And the whole “Rogers series” games have been played on hot days in Sept/Oct (in either location). This time around the weather is going to be a bit different. It will be 50+ deg colder in Green Bay when the Rams step off of the plane, with snow in the forecast for the end of the week (please, please let it be 15 deg and snowing during the game). A big deal? Yoobetcha. Jared Goff is TERRIBLE in cold weather. The reason Goff didn’t start last week wasn’t because of his thumb surgery, it was because he was BENCHED! Ponder this, Grasshopper… In his LIFETIME, Jared Goff has played in exactly 2 games with temperatures below freezing, both in the NFL (Chicago & Denver). He completed only 34 of 72 passes, threw for zero TD’s and had 5 picks. Need a larger sample size? OK, let’s consider games he’s played in up to 40F (that’s only 8 games!). His total completion percentage is UNDER 50% across that span. He did manage 2 TD passes in those 8 total games, but that is still putrid. Coach knew Eli Manning; Jared Goff is no Eli Manning. Here’s something else to ponder… Surprise! It also turns out that the better team wins a lot in the Playoffs. Much has been made out of the fact that only two of the home teams won during Super-crazy-long-Wild-Card-weekend. The important point that the pundits have completely missed is that 4 out of 6 were won by the team with the better Regular Season Point Differential. One of the two losers was the Steelers, who completely collapsed down the stretch and maybe shouldn’t even be considered. There’s always an outlier, even in a good data set. The Rams v. SeaChickens game also bucked the trend. They are Division Rivals (so anything goes) and they had very close point differentials in “the Reg” (so anything goes) and the Rams have the No. 1 Scoring D while Seattle had the No. 15 D … (and Defense wins Championships when Offenses are less than stellar). Coach suggests that this Point Differential Rule is a “good rule to keep in mind” (and explains very well getting our asses handed to us in SF last year in the NFC Championship). But more important than the weather, the history and the stats, we just have a much better team. First of all their QB, Jared Goof, sucks. As I mentioned earlier, Coach Sean McVay cleverly hid his benching of Goff behind the guise of a hand injury. You can bet on a trade sooner rather than later to get the Rams out of Goof’s horrendously crippling contract. If history means anything to predicting the future, I would say the Bears will trade away a first round pick to absorb Goof’s contract. More on that next year… Rams All-World DT Ronald McDonald got a rib owwie against Seattle and probably will be active for the game, but Coach doesn’t give a rip. We have one of the better O-Lines he has faced and we have a far better QB at getting rid of the ball quickly. Our QB has a history of beating the Rams. Back in 2018 we had this shifty young receiver who could really stretch the field, but he only hung onto 38 of the 73 balls (52%) thrown his way, but man-oh-man he was exciting! Well fast forward two years and he is still exciting and scoring TDs and he’ll be a weapon against the Rams. More importantly, MVS has improved since 2018! His catch percentage has rocketed from 52.1% in to 2018 to 52.4% in 2020! To be fair, he has improved his yard/target by 38% from 8 to 11 and he’s scoring more TD’s. We also just significantly improved the depth on the O-Line. You remember Jared Veldheer, right? Be honest. The Packers grabbed him off the scrap heap at the end of last season when they lost Bryan Bulaga to an MCL sprain in Week 16. Now they plucked him of the Colts practice squad. He actually played for them in the Wild Card game last Saturday! Now he will become the only NFL player to suit up for 2 different playoff teams in the same season. That’s wild, weird, wacky stuff, man. Gooty is really amazing … we lost three top-notch NFL lineman: Bulaga to Free Agency, Lane Taylor to injury and David Bakhtiari to injury and we still have one of the best O-Lines in the NFL.) Hey, don’t look now, and don’t tell anyone!! ST Coach Meningitis actually did something good! One of the few weapons the Bears have is their kick returner, and former Vikings 1st Rnd Pick, Corduroy Paterson. Our opening kickoff strategy was to kick it into the corner, like a punt. If he tries to return it we tackle him in the corner for short yardage, if he doesn’t it’s a harmless touchback. Unlike a punt, if we kick it OB, it’s a penalty and the Bears would have it on the 40. Give Meningitis credit for trying it and Crosby for kicking it extremely well, alas, we also have to give credit to Corduroy for getting his feet OB. This technically made the kick a penalty (which they did not flag) and the ball was out to the 40. We got hosed on the call, but no matter, it was a creative and gutsy way to start the game. Coach really wants to see exceptional ST’s play this weekend, and this is a great example. Can we cut King before next week? The game of NFL football appears too big for him. ...keeping with the trend of Gooty signing veterans … we coulda had Tramon Williams if we’d resigned him. Okay, King’s here for the duration. Crap. It’s up to Poutine and Jerry Gray to try to get him to play better in the Playoffs. But Gooty did just sign Snacks Harrison to the D-Line two weeks ago, providing another huge interior lineman to clog things up and free up Clark to do damage, do that's pretty neat. Snacks played fairly well for the few snaps he was in against the Bears. The combo of Kenny Clark and Krys Barnes is already pretty good. Add Snacks in the mix and we are going to see continued improvement in the Run Defense. Rams RB Cam Akers ran the ball for 131 yards and a TD on 28 carries against the SeaChickens last week. So frickin’ what? Aaron Jones can do that without breaking a sweat, backwards, in high heels (not that there's anything wrong with it). Coach has two thoughts about Akers:
Like any playoff game there will be nervous moments … but by the end of this one we are going to win comfortably and have the full week plus one day to get ready for the Saints or Bucs. Packers 35 Rams 21 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Rarely do I feature a former Packers coach as the JB tribute, but this week as we bite our nails hoping the special teams phase doesn’t give away the upcoming playoff game against the Rams, a former Rams player -- and later Super Bowl winning Packers special teams coach, comes to mind … Nolan Cromwell. After playing quarterback for the Kansas Jayhawks, Cromwell was drafted by the Los Angeles Rams as a defensive back in 1977 and played his entire 11-year career in Los Angeles. He made the Pro Bowl as a safety 4 consecutive years (in a row!) and was a standout on special teams. Unfortunately, riding the coattails of the Bears underwhelmingly successful Super Bowl shuffle video, Cromwell also starred and "danced" in the 1986 Rams promotional video Let's Ram It, rapping "I like to ram it, as you can see, nobody likes ramming it more than me," after introducing himself as "Hollywood handsome, Dodge City tough." Yes, that really happened. To be fair, Cromwell DID like to ram it, as confessed by his wife and former Rams cheerleader, and Miss Hollywood USA 1980–81, with a guest appearance in 1980 on TV’s paradigm-shifting comedy-drama series The White Shadow, Mary Lynne Gehr! Not too shabby. After retirement as an active player, Cromwell began his coaching career immediately with the Rams. He served as a defensive and special teams assistant in 1991 before being hired by Mike Holmgren to coach special teams for the Green Bay Packers 1992 - 1997. Five different times during just the 1996 season, one of Cromwell's players was honored as Special Teams Player of the Week. For reference, none of Shawn Mennenga’s players have ever been named Special Teams Player of the Week; however, multiple players on other teams have won that honor when playing against the Packers under Mennenga’s tenure.
In Super Bowl XXXI, Desmond Howard became the first special teams player to ever be named a Super Bowl MVP. "As a special teams coach when you've got a group of guys like Lamont Hollinquest, Jeff Thomason, Bernardo Harris, Travis Jervey, Chris Hayes, you know you could go down the list of the guys I had and you go 'Wow,'" Cromwell gushed. "Every one of them made their block. There are always people you cannot block. And the way I did my returns, I didn't have everybody blocked. The returner had to make a couple guys miss." Cromwell explained they just focused on making the right blocks and hoped for the best. "When I talked to the team a good return is 10 yards or plus, and that was our goal. Because I knew if we could get 10, usually you've kind of broke through the main cover proof, and once you got that far, Desmond could do his thing." Cromwell thoroughly enjoyed his time in Green Bay and said that he still has a lot of friends in the area. He acknowledged that he watches the Packers "all the time." "It was very gratifying to a special teams coach and to the special teams players that we contributed to a lot of wins throughout the year, and especially during the Super Bowl," Cromwell said. "But the other thing I think was the fans at Green Bay, they appreciate the game of football. They really have a sense that things can happen on special teams, good and bad. And they understand it and I think as a majority they have a feeling that that is a big part of the game, which it is.” Yep, there you have it, Packers fans are smarter than Shawn Mennenga. And so – for confirming that, Nolan Cromwell, we salute you! Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: It was a damn good Regular Season! Was it perfect? No. Does it mean shit? No. But you can’t do any better than the #1 Seed at the end of the Regular Season, so that’s pretty damn good. …at least, in my humble opinion. As you know, the bye week applies to Coach, too. However, I will take this brief opportunity to congratulate our Regular Season Contest Winning Grand Champion, Jon Kahktoestin of Reedsville! Jon’s entry of “right boob” was spot on for “What’s the best way to crush a beer can?” Looks like we may have found a few new run stoppers! For his winning entry, Jon will receive a gently used 2020 Packers Season Ticket Holder facemask and a partially completed Wisconsin scratch off ticket that I found in my bar jacket from I don’t know when (likely pre-China Virus) that technically still could payout. So congrats, Jon, and good luck with that scratch off! And for the rest of you blokes, be sure to enter the new weekly contests where the prizes double each time we go deeper into the Playoffs! How does a pair of tickets to the big game in Tampa sound? Sorry Jon, contest winners are only eligible to win once per Season, so you’re out the rest of the way for winning prizes until the 2021 Draft edition comes out. Yeah, you probably should have waited ’till the Playoffs to enter, but – hey, rules are rules! This ain’t the Big Ten, you know.
See ya for the Divisional round! |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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