Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Jason Garrett will have to choose Sometimes the best coaches are former quarterbacks that, well, weren’t very good quarterbacks. These are the 2nd and 3rd stringers, or the journeyman QB’s, who normally stand next to the head coach the whole game while the better quarterback plays. So, unless the good guy is hurt, they get to experience the process of play selection on the sidelines as each game unfolds. Also, they still have to prepare alongside the starter each week, so they learn the intricacies of game planning for defenses and making appropriate adjustments. These experiences build valuable coaching acumen. Doug Pederson is a good example of an average QB turned Super Bowl winning coach. Jim Harbaugh (former Colts QB) went to the Super Bowl, but lost it (he was also a Bears QB). Tom Flores played QB for the Raiders and won 2 Super Bowls for them as head coach. There are plenty of other examples, too, of teams having sustained success in the playoffs that were coached by a former journeyman quarterback (e.g., Sam Wyche, Ted Marchibroda, June Jones, Gary Kubiak, John Rauch, and so forth, and so on). There is one blemish on that honorable list, however: Jason Garrett. As the 3rd stringer, he backed up Troy Aikman and Wade Wilson when the Cowboys won their last Super Bowl almost a quarter-century ago. He has been the Cowboys head coach for the last 9 seasons, in which time they gone a measly 2-3 in the playoffs. They have never even made an appearance in the NFC Championship game during his lengthy coaching tenure. It’s no surprise that Garrett’s boss, Jerry Jones, has refused to extend him in the final year of his contract. In all likelihood, Garret will be out as head coach of the Cowboys next year if he doesn’t win more playoff games at the end of this season than he has in all of his previous coaching years combined. So what might he do instead? The way I see it, Jason Garret has two options: either return to the Homeland set on Showtime as double-agent Nick Brody, or continue selling Progressive Insurance. He sure as hell won’t be coaching in Dallas next year… At least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme The good news out of the Iggles game? Well Coach correctly predicted the Packer’s 27 points and well the big win for the Eagles generated a rating of 12.6 on Fox for “Thursday Night Football.” (That means roughly 12.6% of households with televisions watched the game, which was an 18% jump from the same slot last season when the Vikings and Rams played.) What would any game involving the Eagles be without someone being taken away in handcuffs? Last Thursday it was Eagles QB Carson Wentz who got drunk and had to be hauled away in cuffs when he got into it with a Packers fan. Oh yeah, and we’re 3-1. Oh boy, hard to believe that 3-1 sorta feels like crap. Where do we start on this one? Well we absolutely got hosed by the Refs; supposedly there is an emphasis on player safety, but that was not at all evident when Darrius Shepherd took a nasty shot to the head on the first punt of the game. BTW, dumb-ass Eagles fan sitting behind me cheered “Yeah, kill him!” when Shepherd took that wicked hit. Coach deftly reminded him that any putz running unrestricted at full speed can hit a man that’s standing still and looking up in the air, but a takes a real football player to willingly absorb that hit AND hang onto the ball. A fellow Packers fan behind him subsequently added in a brief void of crowd noise, “Yeah, numb nuts.” That was sweet. Shockingly, no penalty was called at all. The very next play, the Packer’s first play from scrimmage, had another cheap shot. This time it was Jamaal Williams on the receiving end and he was knocked out of the game. Shockingly, Eagles #96, Derek Barnett, was not ejected from the game. Moving on to other egregious FU’s by the refs, how this is not pass interference is absolutely beyond Coach. Live at Lambeau it looked like PI, on the replay board it looked like PI and watching the video over and over after the game it looked like PI. Coach really does not understand. Coach has a question for y’all. Are you paranoid if they really are out to get you? I’m beginning to think that Coach’s brother may be right, maybe they really are deciding some of the NFL games ahead of time. …then I remind myself, they’re too stupid to pull that off. All of this contributed to the loss for sure, but that’s not why we lost. We lost because: Special Teams were not Special We lost the turn-over differential They ran the ball down our trotes We went nowhere with the run game In the 1st Qtr we looked great, again. A TD followed by a FG and we were up 10-0. After the FG we kicked off and … It is not a good day at Lambeau when Mason Crosby has to make tackles 60 yards downfield. Given the short field, Philly was able to punch in a TD. We added another FG and then….Crosby kicked the f’ng ball out of bounds on the ensuing kickoff!! The Eagles got the ball at their 40 and 11 plays later it was 14-13 Eagles. When the Packers got the ball again at their own 25, a holding penalty, a short pass and then a Rodger’s fumble gave the Eagles the ball at the Packers 17-yard line. Four plays later, another TD and it’s 21-13 Eagles. Game over… 21 points on poor kickoff team performance and a fumble. Hard to win that way. The Eagles became the first team to EVER beat Aaron Rodgers at Lambeau Field when he had a 10-point lead (58-0-1). Also, you have to give a little bit of credit to Eagles D-Coordinator, Gym Shortz. He had the Eagles fully committed to stopping the run. In this play the Eagles are in a standard 4-3 Defensive alignment, with a safety playing up in a 4th linebacker spot. Essentially, they are playing a high school style 4-4 defense. Bear Bryant would be proud, Alabama used to play this a lot back in the 60’s. Ironically this is the kind of defensive alignment that is supposed to enable the play-action pass, but we aren’t going after it. We had 77 yards rushing on the day. For the guys not named Rodgers, we had 31 yards on 15 carries. That’s right kids, AR was the leading rusher with 46 yards. It would be comical if it wasn’t so sad. In the 2nd half, we saw the new guy’s offense go out the window. All the passing that ensued would even make Mike McCarthy blush. When asked after the game what happened to the running game, Coach Petite Chat replied, “I really don’t know, I was running out of ideas, so I just said, ‘Aaron, what the heck, why don’t you just try to win the game?” The death of Petite Chat’s offense was sealed when we passed 5 times inside the 1-yard line in the 4th Qtr. What in the name of God’s-green-earth are we doing? Put in a guard at FB and let Vitale run it in. One yard and we have no confidence in our OL? This from a Coach that says he wants to run? On two of the five attempts Jimmy Graham refused to use two hands to catch the ball. WTF? It is clear that he and AR are not on the same page. Defense? What Defense? Through four games, the Packers are allowing 142.3 rushing yards per game. The last time Green Bay allowed that many yards per game for a full season came in 1983, when teams ran for an average of 165.1, and I had a Metallica back patch sewn to my jean jacket (other kids would ask me, “What is Metallica?”). The D line and linebackers were getting blown off the line all night. For the second week in a row we have to point at Lowry. In this clip Lowry has low awareness and gets blown out of the hole by the tackle blocking down. In the process he gives up a 30-yard run, the Eagles longest of the season. As good as the pass defense has been, the run defense has been completely inept. In a key insight, Coach Petite Chat said: “I know we better fix it otherwise teams are going to – that’s going to be their blueprint to beating us,” Packers coach Matt LaFleur said. “They’re going to try to run the football and grind it out.” Smart feller. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Cowboys Forced To Use Spray Bottle Again To Prevent Jones From Making Statements FRISCO, TX—Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was once again sprayed by team assistants during a recent press conference. As the aging executive fielded questions, aides were poised throughout the room, ready to spring into action. Luckily, they were prepared with their locked and loaded spray bottles when the inevitable happened. "No, Jerry! Bad Jerry!" the aide said as Jones began explaining how he intends to circumvent NFL salary cap rules in order to sign quarterback Dak Prescott to a blockbuster contract this year in the $130 million range, right on the heels of signing both linebacker Jaylon Smith ($64 million) and running back Ezekiel Ellliot ($90 million). The aide sprayed him in the face several times with the bottle of water. "What did we talk about? Heel, Jerry!" Jones whined a little but eventually backed off and sat back in his seat on the stage. "He's learning," the aide said. "You just have to know when to use positive reinforcement and when to resort to physical punishment." She said that the team’s PR department has purchased treats that are given to Jones when he's a good boy and refrains from inflicting damage to the Cowboys by making ill-advised statements divulging the organization’s unsavory practices. "Showing him a little love and care will result in drastically changed behavior if you keep at it," she said. "No, Jerry! Bad!" she then shouted as she saw Jones handing a $1,000 bill to a referee and was forced to spray him again. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Loud Flatulence Gives Away Suspect’s Hiding Spot, Illinois Police Say CHICAGO – Law enforcement was able to “sniff out” the location of a Bears fan wanted for a controlled substance over the weekend after the suspect passed gas so loudly that it gave up his hiding spot, officials said. The Lake County Sherriff’s department posted on Facebook to share how flatulence played a role in the arrest at a Chicago park. “If you’ve got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas so loud it gives up your hiding spot, you’re definitely having a shitty day #ItHappened,” the sheriff’s office said. The department posted a photo of officers struggling to breath behind the perpetrator as he was being detained. Officials have not released a name for the suspect or provided more information about the case. “We’ve gotta give props to Chicago PD for using their senses to sniff him out!” the sheriff’s department told WGN after the station reached out for more information about the case. The Chicago Police Department was “surprised” to see the incident “slip out, which stinks for the arrestee,” the City of Chicago posted Twitter. The city also gave props to officers for "airing out a wanted person's dirty laundry and fanning the flames." No one was injured in the arrest, the city said. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Undefeated #8 Badgers Take On Kent State After again stinking up the month of September and messing up the Big Ten’s conference RPI, NU seemed to figure out how to play good football just in time for the Wisconsin matchup. Let the whining begin for why this WIN felt like anything but that. Week 5 marked the return of Paulie-Mike McChrysthy. No going for it on fourth down, no making a statement to the players and to the opponents, no style points for the pollsters, no covering of the spread for the betters, no reason for the students to hang around after Jump Around. Paul Chryst went by the book and even outdid himself, punting from NU’s 37 yard line (for a touchback). The offense was unwatchable after the first drive. Come back Riverboat Paul, please. You showed your playbook vs. South Florida, Central Michigan and Michigan, but not vs. Northwestern? In fairness, a significant factor behind Chryst reverting to conservative play calling was dictated by Northwestern’s defense. Getting Jonathan Taylor his 100 yards was a close second. Why is it that Mike Hankwitz defenses seem to play Wisconsin so much tougher than other opponents? Perhaps it is angst over his firing after only two seasons as the Badgers defensive coordinator in favor of this guy: Though we foreshadowed last week the NU history of playing our run very well, they executed quite effectively a game plan that will be repeated until we prove we can beat it. NU’s defense didn’t just stay in their lanes, unlike Michigan. They bunched the defense between the hash marks, taking away Jonathan Taylor’s inside runs and forcing Jack Coan to beat their secondary with outside throws. Channeling his inner Curt Phillips, Coan missed too often on those throws. With pass interference being allowed both ways, one well-thrown sideline pass downfield to Cephus was disrupted by un-flagged mugging. Equally disturbing was an earlier deep pass that was underthrown to Cephus and picked off after he made no effort to come back and fight for the ball. It was not a banner day for Wisconsin’s offensive line or receivers. What happened to all those weapons we had as recently as a week ago? Michigan State put up 31 points on these guys. After Bucky scored their second defensive touchdown on Noah Burks’ 68 yard interception return and making the score 24-3, it appeared as though we had a good chance to beat the ridiculous 24-point spread. A dropped punt and fumbled onside kick changed all that and more importantly, cut into precious postgame drinking time. Starting with the pregame buzz-killing Wildgoose facemask on Northwestern’s early punt, this game was unfolding all the weirdness of the 2015 Jazz Peavy debacle. It has become quite apparent that much needs to be cleaned up on special teams. This is the second week in a row where we have fumbled an onside kick. Punt catcher Jack Dunn, who has recently began actually putting up some positive return yards, was positioned too deep and/or didn’t react quick enough to short punts and found himself running up and catching the ball just above his shoelaces. If you are going to punt so often inside the opponent’s 45 yard line, avoid at all costs the Josh Bidwell habit of kicking into the end zone for a touchback. Ron Zook might be a step up for this team as a special teams assistant coach. The Badgers defense is right where we need them to be. They got by just fine during the first half while both starting safeties served targeting suspensions. Starting NT Bryson Williams should return this week or next. DE Loudermilk had possibly the best game of his career, though it’s DE Henningson grabbing the headlines. The secondary continues to cover very well. In other news, 4th string Badgers quarterback Alex Hornibrook was 29 for 40, 316 yards and 3 TD’s, despite 8 sacks vs NC State. These numbers come a week after putting up 255 yards & 2 TD’s against another ACC opponent (Louisville) with a secondary where pass coverage is optional. FSU plays Clemson next. Perhaps bad Hornibrook resurfaces and we can again feel good about Jack Coan being our starter and Graham Mertz being the highest rated backup in the country. Around the Big Ten, very few meaningful matchups have taken place. Nebraska did not get overlooked this time by Ohio State and got run through the woodchipper. The Badgers next real opponent, Michigan State, outscored Indiana 40-31 a week after beating Northwestern 31-10, which came on the heels of a bizarre loss to Arizona State. The Arizona State loss doesn’t look as bad after they knocked off #15 Cal over the weekend. Minnesota continues to win barely and unimpressively vs. lesser competition. Iowa’s only meaningful game was a one-point win vs. Iowa State. BU will be watching their matchup with Michigan this Saturday very closely. Tin soldiers and Nixon’s gone. We’re finally on our own. Kent State actually boasts a rather impressive list of notable alumni: Lou Holtz, Nick Saban, Jack Lambert, James Harrison, Antonio Gates, Drew Carey, Michael Keaton, Arsenio Hall, Don King, Steve Harvey, Steve Stone, Chrissie Hynde and Joe Walsh. Their foosball team, however, ranks dead last out of 130 FBS team in rushing defense. They lost to Arizona State 30-7 and to Auburn 55-16, making their strength of schedule stronger than half of the Big Ten. Kent State beat Bowling Green by 42, and Notre Dame is only favored over BG by 45. Should we be worried Kent State beat Bowling Green by 42, and Notre Dame is only favored over BG by 45? Nah. Football is not a sport where you can extrapolate spreads to actual results from small data samples. We at BU give Kenneth State zero chance this weekend, largely because this year’s Badgers secondary is better than most we have seen over the last 10 years. They aren’t going to run on us. The spread is 37 points and we shouldn’t need the defense scoring two TD’s to cover it. Only Paul Chryst belly right playcalling and a bunch of dumb turnovers prevent us from covering. Badgers 41, Golden Flash 3. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game We play the Cowgirls this week! Yeah, we lost last weekend, but so did they! Heading into Sunday’s game we are tied for first in the league at plus-4 in turnover differential. We have an opportunistic defense, and Aaron Rodgers is mostly allergic to interceptions. Something that may not be so obvious to Coach’s loyal readers is that the Cowboys are terrified of Rodger’s! Among the few wise people in Texas, the good folks at Cowboys Coffee Talk rated the Top-10 “Cowboy Killers”, and guess who are numbers 2 & 1 on the list? #2 Aaron Rodgers QB Green Bay Packers In recent memory, the list of Dallas Cowboys killers begins and ends with Aaron Rodgers. He was always played well against Dallas having recorded a 101.7 passer rating against them in 7 career regular season games. In those games he owns a 4-3 record and has passed for over 1700 yards, tossed 11 TD passes compared to only 1 INT and has added 2 TD’s on the ground. In his 2 postseason victories against Dallas he has thrown 5 TD passes and averaged 340 passing yards! He has broken the hearts of Cowboy fans on more than one occasion now with his last-minute heroics and remains the Arch nemesis of present day Dallas Cowboy fans. Amen. #1 Bart Starr QB Green Bay Packers During the 60’s the Cowboys were the team that couldn’t win the big game. They were dubbed “next year’s champion” after failing to win a championship year after year and the biggest reason why was the great Green Bay team led by Coach Vince Lombardi and another Packers QB. Bart Starr and the Packers went 4-1 against Dallas in 5 regular season games. In those games Starr threw 7 TD passes compared to only 2 interceptions and ran for another TD. In back to back NFC (NFL) Championship games Bart Starr went for 495 passing yards and 6 TD’s without throwing a single interception leading Green Bay victories both times. He also ran in the game winning TD during the final seconds of the 1967 Championship game known as the “Ice Bowl”. Back to 2019… The two keys to this game are Jerry and Aaron. Jerry because he has always let his ego get in the way of decision making… ...and Aaron, cuz, well, he’s the Cowboy killer. The most recent time we played was Oct 8th, 2017 in Dallas. We came back from a 21-12 half-time deficit and AR completed a TD pass to Davante Adams with 11 seconds left to beat the Cowboys 35-31. During Thursday’s loss to the Eagles, Rodgers looked like his old self for the first time since the Packers’ run to the 2016 NFC title game (via Dallas, TX). He was brilliant escaping pressure, proving his legs can still be a weapon. His 422 passing yards marked the eighth time in his career he eclipsed 400 yards; despite the Packers’ inability to run the ball, Rodgers carried the offense up and down the field all night. Rodgers, who turns 36 in December, is 13-13-1 in his last 27 starts. In many of those outings, he hasn’t performed nearly as well as he did on his way to MVP honors in 2011 and 2014. But Thursday was a throwback night and it should give the Packers’ offense tremendous optimism over the next 12 games. “When you have one of the greatest quarterbacks ever, you trust him to continually gain yards and get down the field,” Packers coach Matt LaFleur said. “We were able to accomplish a lot of what we wanted to do.” The Dallas offense finally looked mortal in the Saints’ loss. Ezekiel Elliott rushed for just 35 yards, the third third-lowest output of his career. The Cowboys’ vaunted offensive line looked overmatched for the first time. Dak Prescott threw for a season-low 223 yards on 22 of 33 passing with an interception. Coach Poutine is gonna figure out the run game and shut down the Cowgirls! And, now that Rodgers is free to go back to whatever offense he wants to run, Coach supposes that AR will throw 60 passes and we will run 15 times. Forget that the Cowboys are favored by 4 ½ points, go bet the kids' college fund on the Green and Gold. Pack 34 Cowgirls 31 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them If you go to Lambeau to watch a game you’ll no doubt see video ads of Aaron Rodgers pimping Bergstrom automobiles on the JumboTron, but he curiously seems to be making another overt statement with his mustachioed appearance. Coach took an unscientific survey in the stands asking, “Who do you think Aaron is trying to look like?” To no one’s surprise, I received a plethora of responses. Rather than generate a bunch more charts of detailed data, I’ll just generalize my findings for you below:
In case YOU didn’t know, Jim Del Gaizo was the last Packers quarterback with an audacious mustache to wear #12! In 1973, the Packers, with Head Coach & GM Dan Devine, were trying to rebound from a couple of lackluster post-Lombardi era seasons, so they reached out to the Dolphins for a quarterback from their undefeated 1972 roster. Bob Griese wasn’t available for trade, nor Earl Morrall, so the Packers gave up two 2nd round picks to get Miami’s taxi squad / 3rd stringer, Jim Del Gaizo. In case you’re wondering, the Dolphins used those picks to get a couple of guys that you probably DID hear of: Tight End Andre Tillman and Wide Receiver Freddie Solomon. ..and what of Del Gaizo? Well, after starting two games for the Packers that season, he was traded to the New York Giants for a high 1976 draft choice, which Dan Devine quickly relinquished to Kansas City in a trade for QB Dean Carlson who played in one game as a Chief in 1973 and never took a snap for the Pack. Not surprisingly, photos of Dean Carlson show no evidence of meaningful facial hair. Like, Del Gazio, Zeke and Lynn wore #12, but neither could grow any semblance of a respectable mustache. In fact, anonymous sources have implied that Dickey wore an extra-large facemask on the front of his helmet just to hide the “lack of manhood” beneath his nose. So Jim Del Gaizo, we join Aaron Rodgers in tribute to you. If for no other reason, chicks dig a guy with a thick, bushy mustache riding his upper lip.
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: NFL should get rid of its ugly ties “Chelsea battles Arsenal to a nil-nil draw!” That headline might be exciting for wine-sipping effeminate Eurotrash and Ale guzzling UK hooligans, but keep that shit out of America. Nothing is worse in NFL competition than a tie. Both teams come away feeling like they lost, so why not treat it like a loss. That’s right, I said it: a game that ends in a tie should be treated as a loss for both teams! Currently, both teams get the ball at the end of regulation unless the team winning the 2nd coin toss scores a touchdown. Seriously, that is the rule. Oh, and there is only 10 minutes in the final period. What a crock. Also, there’s player safety issues with extending games and all that. Come to think of it, let’s get rid of overtime, too. Crazy ideas? Well, let’s think about this for 11 seconds… When time is dwindling down, if you knew you were probably going to “lose” because you have the same number of points as the other team, you actually have nothing to lose if you recklessly go for the win. Teams would frantically try to score points as time expires. That would be awesome, and coaches wouldn’t have to worry about the public scrutiny of losing after throwing caution to the wind because they would have been charged with a loss regardless. In all reality, head coaches would probably start getting pretty aggressive by the midpoint in the 4th quarter. Of course, overtime would still be necessary in the playoffs, but… baby steps… we’ll improve that later. So, NFL, get rid of the current overtime rule debacle for regular season play, and increase the scoring in the League without adding more stupid and controversial, subjective penalties that are difficult for refs to interpret. Ties-equal-losses would be much better than the current, complacent limping into overtime that NFL teams exhibit today, and would be very easy to implement in year 101. Besides, its no fun kissing your sister... at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Awright! OK, so it was an ugly game and the Defense had to ride to the rescue again, but the Packers are 3-0 and are now 6-0-1 (all-time) against the Broncos in Lambeau. AND More important to you, of course, is how did Coach do in predicting the game? Not to fear, Coach almost perfectly predicted the outcome! If not for the Broncos kicker doinking an extra point on the North End Zone upright, and Mason Crosby missing wide right on the same goal, Coach would have been within 1 point again this week. Just sayin’. Three games into 2019 and what can we conclude (aside from the Offense should have been playing together all Pre-Season)? JK Scott is really good and getting a lot of work. Thank goodness he is killing it; he’s averaging 43.7 net yards per punt. A really, really scary stat is that we are No. 2 in total punt yards/game, just behind the Jets. More important than his net average is that he is making clutch punts that he didn’t last year. Much like in the Bears game, Scott had a booming punt when needed. At 4:34 in the 3rd with the Offense stalled…again…at the Packers 32-yard line, JK nailed a 66 yarder to the Denver 2 (short return called back on illegal block). Denver hit a long pass on the run (thanks Mr. King), but eventually gave up an interception to Savage at the GB 28. A win for Scott, give Denver a shorter field and probably the King mistake would have been a TD. It’s no exaggeration to say that without Scott we lose this game (and likely the Vikings game as well). The Defense is Grrrrea….good. The Defense has been the highlight of all three games so far. We are No. 1 with 2.7 take-aways per game and No. 1 with a 2.0 turnover margin. The pass rush is fantastic and the Smith Brothers already have 2 ½ more sacks than the sad-sacks that they replaced. Our D-coordinator Poutine is focused on making the opponent stay on the field and eventually give up a turnover…much like Capers in-fact. It is working so far, and we are tied with Carolina with 4.0 sacks/gm. The “but” is that we are giving up an average of 4.9 yards/rush, which ties us with Cincinnati and Arizona for 24th in the league. When the focus is on confusing the O-line with the blitz, we are not assignment sure in the run gaps. We are also still paying the price for “thudding up” instead of tackling in training camp, we have way too many missed tackles. No better example than Denver’s 2nd TD. With 4th & Goal on the GB 1, at 5:59 in the 3rd, Philip Lindsay ran straight into Dean Lowry who went high and tried to take him down by the shoulders… It didn’t help that Raven Greene and Montravious Adams were out, either. The Offense? Is a puzzlement. The off-season story was that the Offense would be predicated on the run, which would set up play action passing. LaFleur, true to the philosophy, is running much more than his predecessor Melissa McCarthy. We rank in the Top 10 in rush play percentage and are No. 15 in rushing attempts per game. We would be in the Top 10 if we only ran more plays per game! Why aren’t we running more plays per game? The problem is that we rank 26th in yards per rush, paired with a nice 25th in yards per pass and we have the 28th position in yards per offensive play. The net result is we end up in long 3rd downs and we are not converting them. Is the new offensive scheme working? The positive view is that we have gained more yards and scored more points each of the first 3 games, so maybe it is and maybe we are inching our way there… …but Coach is not so sure the QB is buying in. Who knows what’s in AR’s head, but there was a sequence in the 3rd Quarter where AR’s play and body language was “see Coach, I’m trying it your way and it doesn’t work, let’s do it my way.” The whole series was a bust and disgusting. Penalty on 1st, and then on both 2nd and 3rd Rodgers threw the ball in the dirt. Easy to say he should have hung in there as Coach opines from his couch, but it sure looked like he quit on both plays. Clearly AR is frustrated…and as he walks back to the huddle after 2nd down it looks like LaFleur is talking to him thru the helmet speaker, and AR basically flips him off. Wow, I really hope I’m wrong. If I’m right, then LF needs to grow a pair and get all over Rodgers, again, like last game. But there is good news! Edgar Bennett is back! You may remember that Edgar was a “mudder” and was a star of the great teams of the 90’s. Unfortunately, the synthetic/grass mixed field is way too clean now and we don’t get true mud anymore, so we don’t get the great shots that we used to! Make no mistake, the track was plenty wet and slick on Sunday, and... Facing 1st & 10 at the GB 26 at 13:30 in the 4th Qtr, the score was 24-16 and it felt like maybe another 3 & out like the one above and we might only be a 2 pt conversion away from a tie game. Then Jamal Williams contributed 19 yards to a 51 yd drive that ate up 7:41 and resulted in a Mason Crosby 41 yard field goal to put the game away. Game ball to Jamaal. Coach really liked his successful ground and pound style in Q4 when we really needed it, even though we hadn’t been able to run on Denver all day!! WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Dishonorable Mention WASHINGTON D.C.—Congratulations to London Fletcher, who was inducted into the Washington Redskins’ Ring of Honor during a ceremony on Monday night. Don’t remember much about him? Well, don’t feel bad… Apparently the Redskins didn’t either. The video board at FedEx Field actually had Fletcher’s last name misspelled as “Flecther” during the ceremony that honored him. That is just sad. Even the mentally bereft Bears spelled Butkus correctly when they honored him at halftime of a game against the Packers, in which the Bears were thoroughly pummeled by Brett Favre and company. Too bad, London, you deserved better. Six-Year-Old Saying, ‘Why Not Make NFL Tickets Free?’ Surges To Top Of Democratic Polls HOUSTON, TX—A new candidate has come out of nowhere to surge in the polls in the Democratic primary, and she’s only six years old. Cindy Carruthers of Dearborn, Michigan, was on a local news segment where children gave their opinions on world problems, and she remarked that her dad was really mad it cost two-week's take-home pay just for 2 tickets, parking, and beverages to go to a Lions game. Cindy asked, “Why can’t we just give everyone everything they want for free?” The message quickly went viral and really resonated with Democratic voters, propelling Cindy from unknown to third in most polls, ahead of Bernie Sanders and just behind Elizabeth Warren and Joe Biden. "She really has a plan for everything,” said Emily Estridge, one of Cindy’s enthusiastic supporters. “While Elizabeth Warren only has a plan for getting people free health care and free college, Cindy has a plan to get everyone free everything…including the all-American game of NFL football that everyone wants to see – regardless of their income. She’s truly a visionary.” Her new candidacy has upset some of the other candidates, with Bernie Sanders accusing Cindy of stealing all his ideas. Others say the math in her plans doesn’t add up, to which Cindy says she doesn’t like math and instead likes “Rainbow Dash.” In a show of solidarity, both the NFL owners and the Players Association have rebuked Cindy’s free-NFL-for-all platform as a radical pipe dream, claiming that bold government fiscal programs such as this are not sensible and should be limited to much simpler endeavors such as providing health care to our military veterans, and subsidizing solar panel companies to eliminate the need for oil. Even President Trump has taken notice, vowing to trounce Cindy in the general election since Trump himself can “already read and write at the level of an eight-year-old.” There are also concerns Cindy may be gaffe-prone like Joe Biden, as one day at school Cindy referred to her teacher as "Mommy" by mistake, prompting a round of laughter from her classmates. Still, Cindy has unveiled her new popular campaign slogan, “But I want it!” and has already qualified for the next Democratic presidential debate, though she may not be able to attend since it will be on past her bedtime. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Trubisky Makes Miraculous One-Handed Pass CHICAGO—Bears quarterback Mitchell Trubisky made a mind-boggling, gravity-defying one-handed pass against the Washington Redskins on Monday night, which arguably could change his life. It propelled him into unprecedented superstar status, but it also left him needing to prove he is more than just a guy who could throw a football using only one hand. "It's bittersweet because I think my career is much more than one pass," Trubisky said after the game. "But it was a very iconic moment and just a prolific moment in my career. I don't mind getting tagged on Instagram and seeing myself bunched in with some of the best passers of all time. It gives me motivation to do something even crazier." The pass came in the third quarter of his 29th career game. It led to a complete blowup on Twitter, and almost immediate text conversations with Michael Jordan and a new friendship with LeBron James that is really taking off. Trubisky's one-handed pass rocketed the 3rd year pro into the NFL stratosphere. It also put him under a microscope, even among players around the NFL. After the game in which he flung that pigskin with just a five-finger death grasp, opposing cornerback Josh Norman publicly stated a perception that Trubisky is desperately trying to disprove… "His world is based on hype and that one pass," Norman said. "Everybody sees that, everybody knows him for that, and people don't really look at the film and watch him, and really don't know how crappy of a player he is. Mitchell Trubisky is just a guy version of Jay Cutler." Trubisky subsequently stated, “You hear the talks. It's funny when people are like, 'He's only this one-hand pass guy, blah, blah.' I don’t let that bother me. It’s a moment that changed my life forever, for better or for worse, and I’ll never forget it. I’ll remember it all … the smell of the stadium, the dew on the grass." Now just about every move Trubisky makes will be scrutinized. But, as dozens of his Bears quarterbacking predecessors can relate to, Mitchell (or “Mitch Dog 1” as he prefers to be called) still lacks playoff success. He has appeared in just one career playoff game, and that didn't go so well (despite having a defense loaded with ProBowl’ers), leading to a home loss to the visiting Philadelphia Eagles. And, aside from his ability to throw a pass one-handed, other than that he pretty much sucks and remains ranked near the bottom of all NFL QB’s. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bursting Into The Top Ten – Badgers Take On Northwestern “Michigan expects to beat Wisconsin every year.” – Charles Woodson, FS1 pregame show trash talk. “We are going to make a statement.” – Michigan QB Shea Patterson, on the trip to Madison. Michigan was in town for the first stop on the Badgers 2019 No Mercy Revenge tour. Recall that BU foreshadowed that the mere threat of a passing game would yield run game dividends, but underestimated the impact of a QB with average foot speed and wrongly assumed that highly respected long-time UM defensive coordinator and Captain Kangaroo look-alike Don Brown would have an answer. Michigan was actually looking forward to this matchup as it marked the first time this season that they would be playing their familiar base defense against Wisconsin’s traditional Mr. Greenjeans offense. Here is what Brown had to say during the bye week as the Wolverines were preparing for Wisconsin. “This is a little different deal now,” said Brown. “We finally can play Michigan defense, where we can go back and run our stuff that we run all preseason and all spring practice. And, quite frankly, I’ve been writing Wisconsin cards, and I’ve kinda been, ‘Woohoowoo!’ because I can whip them out like that! (snaps fingers) because it’s all the stuff our guys know and are comfortable with. And we’ll jump into it at a high level, without question.” ...and then the Badgers trounced his D scoring 5 touchdowns ... 4 in the 1st half. Perhaps an offseason of reflection and the realization that he was paralleling the offensive stodginess and slow demise of Mike McCarthy crept into the psyche of Paul Chryst. We had to wait for the postgame press conference to confirm that Paul Chryst was in fact the one making the calls to go for it (and succeeding!) three times on fourth down, including a perfectly executed pass over the Michigan defender to Cephus as he was going out of bounds. One report from a recruit in the locker room before the game quoted this nugget from Chryst: “This is going to be the weakest (DL) front you play the rest of the year. If you guys don’t man up and manhandle these guys, then you’re a disappointment.” All of that led to RB Jonathan Taylor running for over 200 yards in about half of a game's worth of playing time (was named the Big Ten's offensive player of the week!). Taylor is averaging a touchdown every 6.4 times he touches the ball, which is an absurd statistic. And Chryst is once again an offensive genius now that he can rely on a QB that can run and throw the ball downfield. With Saturday being designated red & white stripe day, alums were asked to wear red and students were instructed to wear white. The only real disappointment at Camp Randall that day came in the form of heavier rain holding off until after the game, which denied stadium-goers the largest wet t-shirt contest in UW history. Northwestern is in town for the second stop on the 2019 Revenge tour and Bucky is favored by 23 points. With significant player turnover from last year, Northwestern has looked no better than average in all phases of the game. Clemson transfer Hunter Johnson has taken over at quarterback. As a high school senior in 2017 Johnson was rated higher than Alabama’s Tua Tagovailoa, Georgia’s Jake Fromm and Miami’s Tate Martell. So far, he has completed 48.5% of his passes for an average of 4.5 yards, with one touchdown and four interceptions. Ideally we hang 70 points on Northwestern like we did in 2010. Still PO’d about getting cheated out of the game-winning Jazz Peavy TD catch on our home field on opening day of the 2015 gun deer season. And they took our spot in Indy last December. Time to return the B1G West to its natural order and remind them of their place in life. As long as Badger receivers take 15 steps in the end zone after securing the ball, they should be fine. We at BU would prefer no letdown from last Saturday, but will settle for a Badgers 35, Purple Nerds 13 victory. Like last year, perhaps riverboat gambler Paul Chryst will elect to kick a last minute field goal to cover the spread. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Lombardi was 10-1 in the playoffs….and the “1” was a 17-13 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles in 1960. The Packers and the Eagles were coming off of a decade of mediocrity and this was the Lombardi Packers’ first trip to the post season. Paul Hornung said later: “I’ve always remembered Vince’s speech, he told us, ‘We’ll never lose another championship.’ And we didn’t.” There are many memorable moments from that game, and some argue it was the true beginning of the modern televised pro-football era. According to David Maraniss’s book “When Pride Still Mattered,” Lombardi later regretted not attempting two additional easy field goals, saying: “When you get down there, come out with something. I lost the game, not my players.” (An echo that would chide McCarthy in the 2014 NFC Championship game, although he f’d up that game in numerous other creative ways, too.) In the 4th Quarter the Pack went ahead 13-10, followed by the Eagles scoring to go ahead 17-13. With 1:20 remaining, Green Bay began its final drive. The Packers reached the Eagles’ 22, out of timeouts. On the game’s final play, Starr swung a pass to Taylor, who bulldozed past two defenders to the 8 before Bednarik and safety Bobby Jackson tag-teamed him to the ground. Taylor tried to get to his feet, but Bednarik sat on him until time expired. “You can get up now, Jim, this fucking game is over.” Bednarik thrust his hand into the air in celebration… “I wanted to kill him,” Jerry Kramer said, and went on further laughing, “I still call him Cement Head Charlie.” So, we still hate Philadelphia? Well, kinda, we hate them for 4th & 26 in the 2003 NFC Championship game, but frankly that was mostly our fault for letting Ed Donatel run the Defense. We lead the all-time series 27-16-0 and we are 6-1 over the last seven games, dating back to 2007. It’s hard to really hate a team that we’ve been dominating by an average score of 26-18. Particularly when good ‘ole boy Doug Pederson is the Coach. You might remember Doug, as he was a prominent bow hunter around these parts back in 2003. He dropped this nice 8-pointer on the McCoy’s farm just off Highway B near Cataract in Monroe County. He also brought along a couple of his buddies from work for the hunt, some dude named Wesley Walls and another guy called Brett Favre. Favre mentioned to the senior McCoy he likes the hills in the area. "I told him they get steeper every year," McCoy said. "He told me the football field gets bigger every year, too." Nice story. Anyways… OK…onto this week, the Iggles are 1-2, but don’t be fooled by that record. They are an above average team and Wentz is leading the best Offense we have seen so far in 2019. They lost 27-24 to Detroit last week, but they fumbled twice, dropped a couple of trouchdown passes, and gave up a kickoff return for a TD while controlling the ball for 32:18. That loss only proved that age-old NFL adage of any-given-Sunday. With only three games played this Season you have to read any stat with a grain of salt, but to-date we are:
Sorry Douggie, ole pal, the Packers Offense will continue inching toward respectability and our Defense will continue to shine. Pack 27 Iggles 20 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Many a Packers-fan has been pleasantly surprised by the innate abilities of rookie defensive back Darnell Savage. It’s too early at this point to know if he’ll turn into a dominant player, but that begs the question – who was the best Packers defensive back of all time? To be honest, there have been so many great ones, it’s impossible to pick. However, if the question was more specific to “Who was the most dominant Packers d-back with only one eyeball?” then the answer would be none other than Bobby Dillon. At 10-years old, little Bobby Dillon lost the use of his left eye in a series of unfortunate accidents while playing in his home town of Temple, Texas. That didn’t stop him from playing football, though. He played college ball for the Longhorns where he earned the nickname "Big Dil" and went on to the NFL when the Packers made him the 28th pick in the 1952 draft. Dillon played in Green Bay for 8 years, leading the team in picks for 7 of them, recording 9 interceptions in 3 of those years, and had 4 INT’s in 1 game against the Lions (still an NFL record), with a career total of 52. No current player is even close. He was inducted into the Packers Hall of Fame in 1974, but has been unjustly overlooked for the HOF in Canton. Watch for Hall of Famer Ron Wolf to be pining strongly to get Dillon on that ballot. Bobby Dillon passed away earlier this year at the ripe old age of 89. You’ll be heartened to know that he lived a full life following his NFL career. He became president and CEO of WilsonArt International, and raised his only son, Bob Jr., who recently launched a successful whiskey company, albeit riding on the coattails of his father’s famous name. So, Bobby Dillon, we posthumously salute you with the words from the Baltimore Colts’ favorite target of Johnny Unitas and Pro Football Hall of Famer, Raymond Berry: “Bobby Dillon was one of the most superior athletes you’ll ever find in the NFL. He had tremendous speed. Great brains. Great range. Great instinct.” In other words, the Packers Big Dil was a dominating one-eyed monster. …maybe that could have been stated a little better?
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Smear The Queer was awesome I’m not sure what happened to my old red, white and blue “the Duke” football autographed by John Brockington. I think it went flat. When I was a lad we used it to play Smear The Queer and make “fantastic diving catches” into piles of leaves laced with some accidentally raked-up dog doo. I saw some kids doing that same thing the other night. It was good to see. My kids asked me what they were doing. My wife said “I think they’re just trying to tackle the kid running with the football.” Then I got to thinking, why hadn’t I seen this in many, many years, and why haven’t my kids ever had the opportunity to partake in it? Then I realized it’s probably because the name is so offensive that the game was shamed out of existence. Growing up it was also known as “Kill The Man” or “Kill The Guy” (short for “Kill The Guy With The Football”). We now know that those names are no better as we dutifully recognize sensitively toward victims of active shooters and gender neutrality. Worse, they don’t even rhyme. Regardless of what it’s called, it was a healthy, psychologically invigorating activity for adolescent boys. And, I say, it was the perfect way to learn life lessons and networking skills. Did we invite-back the wussie kid that would never take the ball? Albeit with some reluctance … yes, we did! Smear The Queer was very inclusive. “The more, the merrier” we used to say. After all, perhaps he had a pool, or offered some other valued service to the neighborhood, such as occasional access to a garage refrigerator that could supply us with beer. Sometimes when we couldn’t find enough guys to play, we’d ask (beg) older sisters and other girls from the neighborhood to play along. Of course we had to invoke “girls rules” that helped in the periodic negotiations with them, meaning that when they had the ball we had to approach them with arms extended outward in a “corral” position before attempting contact, and we had to immediately abort the tackling process at the instant a girl said “give.” We were completely self-regulated, and no boy ever dared cross the line. It was still fun, though. In fact, since girls generally develop sooner than boys, those games were often a titillating variation on the game. And the post-game “showing of the bruises” provided for opportunities to hone flirtation skills that might come in handy later, should said beer fridge become accessible. But I digress... You may recall that in the guys-only version of the game there was an even more fun “sub-game” (with an equally offensive name) within the game, in which someone would purposely get the ball into the hands of the kid who typically refused it, and then everyone would simultaneously shout out the name of the sub-game and immediately take affirmative action to pile on top of that kid in a heaping helping of humanity. That, too, was awesome. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a bully, nor do I condone bullying. But Smear The Queer, or Kill The Man (or whatever other provocative names it’s had over the years), is a right of passage for a boy to find out what kind of man he’s going to be. For me, I was a little afraid I might catch the ball at first. But when it was unavoidably going to land in my hands, I clenched my jaw, held on tight to the ball and ran, juked and spun like a musky trying to shake a bucktail. Eventually I looked forward to getting the ball and boxing out bigger kids in order to catch it. In the process I and tore holes in just about every Junior High sweatshirt I ever had, but I also learned some meaningful lessons about life; like the importance establishing credibility amongst peers, you can achieve more than you think if you're determined enough, how people feel respected when you don’t treat them as an afflicted exception, real men never hit girls -- they are not punks, and if you get too cocky you can end up with face full of crumbly white dogshit. Us best-of-friends knocked the living daylights out of each other whilst our mothers remained blissfully unaware. Times were different back then, though. Throwing a football to a kid with the implied intent that everyone was going to drag him to the ground as fast and physical as humanly possible was completely acceptable. The thought of having girls in the Boy Scouts was preposterous, and Mark’s older sister Cheryl purposely (I’m pretty sure) walked slowly past us wearing a tube top and extra-short cutoff jeans just to hear us whistle and howl for her, even though she’d always roll her eyes and insincerely say “Oh, stop it you guys.” Those were the days. I wonder about those young men I saw playing together the other day. How did their game start? I imagine one kid with a football walked around to various other kids’ houses and asked the person answering the door if the kid that self-identifies as a boy who lives there could play. And likely some socially-responsible adults attempted to intervene, intending to prevent the possibility of inappropriate language and behavior of unruly children. In any event, I’m glad they overcame their obstacles, and I bet they managed to have as much fun playing the inappropriately-named game as I did. At least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Wow…2-0 after two games…and more importantly 2-0 in the Division and the Conference. Let’s not get too excited too early, but this beats the hell out of 0-2! Not to mention… how many times in the Sherman-McCarthy era did those early Season losses come back to haunt the Pack during Playoff Seeding? In 2001, the Green Bay Packers held Detroit to six points in the season-opener, then blanked Washington in Week 2. That’s the last time the Packers have opened a season as strong on defense as they have this year. And what did Coach tell you last week? OK, yes, you are right. Both wins were ugly...but they were wins and face it, Coach is a lot smarter than you are, sorry. Quit doubting the edification you receive here. OK, maybe Coach is being a little tough on you, the sensitive reader. Coach has to let you in on a little secret sauce that he applied to the game. You probably already realize that Bart Starr, great humanitarian and player, coach and ambassador for the Green Bay Packers, passed away recently. What you likely don’t realize is that Coach arranged for a powerful weapon to be unleashed upon the hapless Vikings. Cherry Starr, First Lady of the Green Bay Packers and Bart’s Wife, was accompanied onto the hallowed terra firma of Lambeau Gridiron by none other than Brent Favor, along with many former teammates and players that he coached!! (What a guy, we will never forget him, and we won’t forget Brent either.) Starr went a remarkable 10-1 in the postseason and led the Packers to five NFL Championships — including wins in the first two Super Bowls. Starr was the NFL’s MVP in 1966, was named to four Pro Bowls and led the NFL in passer rating five times. “Bart Starr was a winner and a gentleman, period,” former Bears tight end and later head coach Mike Ditka said. “It was (Vince) Lombardi’s team, but Bart Starr was the quiet glue that held the whole thing together. He was a great leader.” They also actually played a game too. Every news outlet in the land has already reported the “we went up 21-0 in the 1st Qtr and then scored zippo the rest of the way and the Defense saved our ass again.” Coach ain’t gonna repeat that simple assessment again, he gonna go deeper. Let’s start with some of the basics of winning any football game: Special Teams – We punted 8 times with a net average of 44.4 yds/punt. We kicked off 4 times and had zero/zip/nadda return yards. All three extra points were successful, and no FG were attempted. There were no negative plays for us or big plays for them on ST; and we blocked the extra point after the Diggs TD. Let’s give the guys a solid A-. Penalties / Turnovers / Time-of-Possession / Mistakes – Minnesota had more yards overall, but they had 8 penalties for 100 yards vs. the Packers 6 for 35 and 4 turnovers to our 2. We should probably give one more turnover to Mr. A. Rodgers for the incomprehensible loss of possession on downs, but in the end a Vikings penalty turned a 10-point swing into a 6-point swing (more on this further below). We also held the ball for over 8 minutes more than the Queens. Job number one in football is to keep the ball away from the other guys anyway you can, so let’s give the Pack a solid A on this front. Defense - Let’s dissect the yards allowed by the Pack. The Queens ran for 198 yards on 27 attempts for a gaudy 7.3 yds/att and one TD. But, 75 yards of that came on one rush by Derwood Cook. Excluding that gash-play, they gained 4.7 yards per carry. Similarly, they gained 230 yards passing on 30 attempts (14 completions), for 7.7 yds per attempt. However (note that “however” is a synonym to the “but” used in the previous sentence), two of those completions went for 106 yards to Don Beebe and Stephany Diggs. Excluding those two, the Queens 124 yards on 28 attempts, for 4.4 yards per attempt. Without those three explosive plays, the purple rats only had 240 yards. To be clear, Coach is not excusing the explosive plays, they definitely count, and the defense needs to adjust, but we were dang close:
We did get one gift from the new rules this year that the Refs in the video booth can “insert” penalties not called on the field. In years past this would have never been a penalty, and in an “open mic” moment, you could hear the Referee questioning the replay official about why the game was stopped….hilarious. At 1:10 in the 2nd, 1st & goal after Beebe’s long YAC, Cousins passed short middle to S.Diggs for 3 yards and an apparent TOUCHDOWN. The Replay Official reviewed the play for possible offensive pass interference, and the play was REVERSED. In the red circle above you can see Dalvin Cook Blocking Darnell Savage more than 1 yd downfield. This was part of the aftermath of the AR 4th down debacle when we should have kicked a FG. If the Refs hadn’t intervened, it would have been a 10 pt swing instead of the 6 it ended up as (-3 Packer FG plus 7 Viking TD). Offense – yes dear, we are still in the Preseason. One week ago, the Packers had minus-12 yards and no points in their first three drives. After the Bears game AR said “it can’t get any worse”. This week? Three drives, 176 yards and three TD’s. A combination of unscouted looks, scripted plays and the Queens initially playing their safeties two-high led to big running lanes and room for Davante Adams. However, by the end of the 1st Qtr Zimmerman went to a single-high safety look and started putting extra help on Davante. The net result was not pretty. Poor blocking by the guards, Jimmy Graham running like molasis, a fumble by G’Mo, a low and outside shotgun snap turned fumble and the Offense was going nowhere. First three drives, 21 points. Next 8 drives? Nothing. The Pack had 8 punts, two fumbles and one turn-over on downs. Once we got into “normal” (non-scripted) offense it just didn’t work. Was it the Packers learning the offense or good Viking defense? Don’t know, but we didn’t go anywhere. No wonder Rodgers was frustrated. The good news? Apparently Petite Fleur has a pair of cajones. Let’s back up to the 2nd Qtr. On 3rd & 1 at the Minneapolis 25, coming out of the 2-minute warning, Rodgers threw a “0” yard out to G’Mo that went for zero yards. Note: a play that is designed to go sideways is a very stupid call in that situation. Rodgers claims that he thought we had a first down, so he ran a quick dive play and did not get the 1st. (Hey, ya know what? It turns out that there are orange topped poles on the side lines that actually show the down…I guess AR didn’t know that...or he would have known that it was 4th down.) An absolutely boneheaded play that lacked situational awareness. Fast-forward to the 1st drive of the 4th quarter…it appeared as if Rodgers “version 2018” was in control. Maybe LaFleur was sending in stupid calls, we’ll never no. But what it looked like to Coach was the same-old-same-old with Rodgers. We have a lead and we’re pinned back on our end of the field….and we run 4 pass plays in a row, OUT OF THE SHOTGUN? As Rodgers came to the sideline at the end of that drive, Lafleur gave Rodgers some feedback…after watching AR flounder and check out of “the offense” in 2nd and 3rd Quarters, LaFleur let the Prima Donna have it for poor decision making…and Rodgers couldn’t handle it.. Hallelujah! To be candid, Coach has not been sold on LaFleur so far. But you know what, we may just have a coach after all. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL Commissioner, All 31 Owners To Report Directly To Murphy NEW YORK—In a genius power grab maneuver to take control over all aspects of the NFL, Green Bay Packers President Mark Murphy announced Tuesday after an emergency gathering of NFL owners that he will have Commissioner Roger Goodell report directly to him for all football related matters. Coinciding with the move, Murphy also stated that he will have all 31 NFL owners report directly to him as well, thereby giving him complete control over NFL operations and all decisions made within the league. “It’s not really all that different than how things used to operate, it’s just a little clearer now that all NFL decisions will go through me. We have a true partnership in place now that will really benefit the NFL,” Murphy said following the meeting. “If Roger and Jerry or some of the other owners can’t agree on something, then they will come to me, kiss my ring, and I will work it out. I gave them my word, on the souls of my grandchildren, that I would not be the one to break the peace we’ve made here today.” At press time, Murphy could not be reached for comment on the untimely disappearance of his older brother, Freddie, who was last seeing in a fishing boat on Lake Tahoe earlier that same day. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears GM Introduces Players to New Offensive Step-Coordinator CHICAGO—After an abysmal Offensive performance in front of the world on opening night of the 100th anniversary of the Bears and the NFL, and also recognizing that they actually lost their 2nd game of the season in Denver -- before the refs gave them a couple of extra opportunities to come back and score at the end of regulation (by calling a woefully wrong penalty for roughing the Turdbiscut which the NFL later admitted was egregious and gave the Bears a 1st down on top of 15 crucial yards closer to field goal range, and then subsequently putting 1-second back onto the clock after time expired in order to enable a field goal), Chicago Bears general manager Ryan Pace took a moment Tuesday to introduce his players to their new Offensive step-coordinator. “Everyone, this is Dale. You’re going to be seeing a lot more of him from now on, and I want you to make him feel nice and welcome,” said Pace of the new addition to the North Division’s bottom-dweller, explaining that the team may have noticed him around the practice field recently and joining in on team dinners in the past few days, and that he would now officially be a permanent fixture on the sidelines. “We want to make him a part of the Bears family. Just give him a chance, and you’ll see that he cares about you just as much as any other coach would – so I want you to give him all your attention and respect. We know you love your normal coaches, but Dale cares about you, too. That means no sass and no pranks, go it?” At press time, the Bears’ new Offensive step-coordinator had been overheard referring to several of the defenders as “a bunch of little shits,” after they got the best of the offensive linemen in one-on-one drills. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Underrated #14 Badgers Take On Overrated #10 Michigan Welcome Michigan fans, cheerleaders and Fox sideline reporters to Madison! Even Vegas has no clue who will win the Badgers vs. Weasels tilt at Camp Randall on Saturday, defaulting to the home field copout 3.5 point spread favoring Wisconsin. Good luck getting any insight from either coach’s press conferences held this week. Geeze. In lieu of subjecting the press corps and fans to any further suffering through Bill Belichick-wannabe press conferences hosted by Jim Harbaugh, the University of Michigan has enlisted the services of the early Star Trek series character, Captain Pike. In Harbaugh’s place, instead of going through the motions of answering questions, Captain Pike’s contract requires that he simply stare straight ahead, say nothing and click a “YES” or “NO” button to indicate his answers. Wisconsin is exploring version 2.0 with the buttons “APPRECIATE” and “OPPORTUNITY.” Starting with the “power ratings” cited by betting services, there are several stats that should be thrown out of any analysis of who will win this game. Michigan is 0-13 as an underdog, dating back to 2013. Going back further, they are 1-21 in their last 22 games as the underdog. Michigan is 0-4 at Camp Randall in its last four tries. The last win came in 2001. A comparable stat may be the graphic that flashed last Sunday while the Packers raced out to a 21-0 lead, stating that the Vikings were 5-1-1 vs. the Packers in their last 7 meetings. You can also throw out the Badgers 764-0 combined scoring against their first two opponents, who amounted to the NCAA equivalent of the Miami Dolphins in their level of competitiveness. Feeling good about Michigan barely getting by Army in overtime at home? Cast that aside as well. Michigan had a TE filling in for their injured left tackle, their top receiver was out with a high ankle sprain, QB Patterson was battling through an oblique injury that caused him to be very tentative running the read-pass-option offense and holding onto the ball, multiple defensive starters were out due to injury and the offense was transitioning to a new system under a new offensive coordinator. Crucial turnovers also made the game appear much closer than it was. Lastly, Army is actually a good team this year (BEAT NAVY!). Where does that leave us going into Saturday? What we will get out of Jack Coan is a big unknown, given that this is his first big start where the offense will be looking to him for more than 7 passes. As an aside, prior to committing to Wisconsin, Coan had an offer on the table from Michigan. With Cephus back on the field racking up catches and with Coan more capable of throwing (as opposed to floating) downfield and out routes, Michigan will at least have to respect our passing game more so this year than the last two years. Enter Jonathan Taylor. Despite the offense being one-dimensional in the last two games vs. Michigan, Taylor still accumulated 233 yards in those games. With all-world sack & TFL machine Rashan Gary now wreaking havoc and filling the stat sheet in the NFL (rrrrrrright), Michigan will be hard-pressed to slow down the Taylor pain train. Defensively, we hope this is not the week that Michigan’s offense figures out their new scheme. The left tackle Runyan is back. Though top receiver Peoples-Jones is questionable, expect him to play. Oblique injuries like Patterson’s are tough to come back from. It took Ryan Braun 6 weeks and a cabinet full of steroid-infused gummy bears to come back from a similar injury. Brandon Woodruff required eight weeks of recovery after straining his oblique. In both cases, they didn’t have linebackers running at them as they released the ball. We at BU think QB Patterson will continue to roll out and pass, but will not break long runs like he did last year. Outside LB speed and setting the edge has been good enough against lesser competition. Though it may get exposed by Ohio State, this week is not as much of a concern. Unlike last year’s game, Wisconsin now has a stout front seven. So how does this game play out? Coan has a Scott Tolzein-like day playing within the system, passing for 180 yards while not turning the ball over, moving the chains and handing off to Jonathan Taylor for 175 rushing yards. Paul Chryst punts at least once from inside Michigan’s 45 yard line, Wisconsin’s defense contains Michigan’s offense and the Badgers grind out head-scratching 24-17 win. Wisconsin students arrive late and leave en masse with the game in the balance following “Jump Around.” Two Michigan students are transported from Breese Terrace to UW Hospital during the middle of the 4th quarter, following inaugural (but successful) beer bong hits in the dangerous hot sun. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Reason numero uno that we will beat the Broncos is that we are going to follow the same formula as we have the first two weeks, namely: Play Special Teams at a Top-10 Level Use the D to shutdown yet another running game and make another mid-tier QB try to beat the Packers (the Ponies acquired QB Giuseppe Flacco from Baltimore in the offseason, and so far this season he has played as you’d expect…somewhere between mediocre and shitty, also known as shittiocre, as in “Bill Rabeor on The Fan morning show is great to listen to, but that Rookie guy is shittiocre”). Expect the Offense to improve another notch…maybe even score 28 points this week… With only two games played this Season you have to read any stat with a grain of salt, but to-date we are:
These are all great marks; the only real blemish is the offensive scoring is ranked 26th. As you can see in the table above, we ranked better than the 0-2 Broncos in every category shown. Why is Denver so bad? Well, average talent, a bunch of new Coaches and Joe Flacco at QB. What’s not to like? With Joe at the helm, and rookie Offensive Coordinator Rich Scangarello, they are actually ranked below the Packers’ Offense. Vic Fangio (shown in his clown gear below) is the new Denver HC this year. At previous stops as Defensive Coordinator in SF and Chicago, Vic has had the defensive kryptonite that has stopped AR. AR’s career record against Zimmerman, Fangio and the new Bear’s DC, Cuck Pagano has been terrible, but Zimmerman and Pagano were “solved” by the Pack…much as we will “solve and destroy” the Denver D. But it gets even better!! If you lean in and listen very carefully, Coach is gonna tell you that we have another secret weapon this week. Recognize this guy? Well if you don’t recognize him, let Coach give you a hint. That didn’t help? Maybe the little clip below will… Yup. Former Packers Defensive Coordinator Ed Donatel is the DC for Denver. After being fired by Mike Sherman for the 4th & 26 meltdown against Philadelphia in the 2003 NFC Championship Game, Ed has bounced around as a Defensive Backs coach. In a laugh out loud moment last week in Denver, the Ponies had just pulled ahead 14 to 13 with only 30 seconds left in the game. To be fair, Denver got hosed by a roughing the passer call on Chubb (looked like Clay last year), but then Chicago stalled and was facing…. …insert drum roll in your head… …4th & 15 against a Donatel Defense! …that’s when the Bears got the 1st down, and thanks to an extra added 1-second put back on the clock by the refs, the new placekicker, Eddy Piñata, made the field goal and won the game. And Donatel’s reputation remains intact. Coach hates to disappoint, but good ole Eddy Donatel ain’t gonna get that chance on Sunday. Our offense will have more than three drives and this one will not be close at all. Pack 31 Broncos 17 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Thanks goes out to Tyree Drexler from Whitefish Bay for submitting the question of the week: “Who was the lightest ever NFL player to throw a touchdown pass?” Well, Tyree, that would be none other than Packers player Pid Purdy. Everett Virgil "Pid" Purdy played in both Major League Baseball and the National Football League. He went to Beloit College before joining the Green Bay Packers in 1926, measured a meager 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighed only 145 pounds…but throwing a touchdown pass on that light frame is not his only record. Purdy is the first player ever to hit a home run in the Major Leagues and score a touchdown in the NFL, and he might be the only person in the history of the planet to hit a home run, score a touchdown and kick a field goal. In one game, Pid tied ribbons to his shoelaces. When asked why, “So they can see how fast I am,” Purdy responded. He had a dropkick game-winning field goal for the Packers, and he also dropkicked a 51-yard field goal against the New York Giants which was the World Record for the longest dropkick until 1941. He only played in the NFL for 2 years, as there was more demand for his baseball skills in the roaring ’20s. Sadly, in 1951 Purdy died of unspecified reasons at the too-young age of only 46. On his tombstone someone wrote: “safe at home.” One of the possessions he left behind was a scrapbook, and inside of it was a signed photograph of him with Jack Dempsey, and another item was a signed picture of Knute Rockne that says: “to my good friend Pid Purdy.” So Pid, we salute you as a great athlete from 90-plus years ago as both a member of the Packers and as a major league baseball player.
For his winning entry, Tyree receives an autographed black and white glossy rookie photo of DeShone Kizer, and a free body paint kit from Guys & Dolls Adult Party Store in Menomonee Falls. Good on you, Tyree! |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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