...Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Cards Against Humanity PHOENIX—The Green Bay Packers face an Arizona Cardinals team peppered by accusations that the organization is full of horrible people. TWICE in July, general manager Steve Keim was guilty of extreme DUI and served jail time plus seven days of house arrest, and is required to have an ignition interlock device installed on his vehicle for at least a year. Under heavy pressure from League officials, the Cardinals suspended Keim for five weeks and fined him $200,000. Despite the egregious faux pas by the team’s GM, first year head coach Steve Wilks has been adamant that his players and staff are “...just a bunch of regular guys, doing regular football things.” But recently discovered team memos and play calls have made those in League offices skeptical. Wilks would not comment on Post-It notes found at the team’s practice facility with what appeared to be his handwriting, instructing rookies to conduct various acts such as “Fire a rifle into the air while balls deep into a squealing pig” and other players (depending upon position) to “Pack 8oz of Mexican black-tar heroin” or “Put 50,000 volts straight to the nipples” or “Video yourself getting so angry that you pop a boner.” Moreover, the 2018 Cardinals Playbook was found to have diagrams of Offensive and Defensive play calls with unusual names like: “Two midgets shitting into a bucket” “Chunks of dead hitchhikers” “Earwax, semen, and toenail clippings” “German dungeon porn” and “Ass cancer.” Should the NFL have seen all of this Cardinals calamity coming? Consider this: it was quietly released last week that, at the Owner’s meetings back in February, Cardinals officials suggested doing away with traditional means to determine who takes first possession at the start of a game. As an alternative, they proposed replacing the coin toss with simply giving the ball to the team with the player who pooped last before the playing of the national anthem. That was clearly a red flag, but probably ignored when the idea was shot down because of inability to determine first possession in the event of an overtime scenario. Well, Cardinals, you have officially been exposed, and your shameful shenanigans that threaten the decency of western civilization will be tolerated no longer! …unless you lose to Green Bay on Sunday. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Murphy Declares Success Current Packer Interim President Mark Murphy declared success today, “with our record trending in this positive direction, I believe we can secure a Top 5 draft pick.” Murphy went on to say “I believe it’s obvious that all of the development projects around Lambeau Field are coming together nicely. No matter how bad the team is, there should be enough cash to support healthy bonuses for me. Remember, in the words of Vince Lombardi ‘Winning isn’t the most important thing, blah, blah, I forget the rest”. Mrs. McMurphy Summarizes Coach has “deep insight and knowledge” into several of the spouses at 1265 and, for the sake of anonymity, we’ll just call the subject of this inquiry “Mrs. McMurphy.” Below is actual film footage from Green Bay Police body cameras of a domestic disturbance last Sunday evening at the McMurphy residence. The audio is a bit blurred, but if you lean in closely you can make out “Miarke, I tired of this f’ng broken record, it’s one shitty performance after another, what kind of D*&@less wonder are you??” Defense Inching Toward “Good Enough” For a team that had below par talent on D, and now has a ton of injuries, Mike Pettine has done a really decent job of getting the most out of his guys. The 1st Qtr play above is just good old school football. Can’t get to the guy with the ball? Blow up the f’er in front of you and get there. If we had one or two guys at each level of the D playing like this, we’d be a top 5 Defense. We’ve been making incremental improvements each week, and the chart below bears that out. For the Season we are ranked No. 16 with 24.3 pts/gm allowed, but we’ve improved to 21.0 over the last 3 games and have inched up to number 14. Where we’ve been really good all year is in the 2nd half, we’re at 9.3 pts allowed for the Season and 7.7 for the last 3 games, both Top 10 Defense numbers. Where we have struggled is 1st half points allowed and takeaways. Both are Bottom 10 for the Season, but we’ve improved to middle of the pack over the last 3 games. All-in-all, for a team predicated on winning on the brain, legs & arm of #12, the Defense has played well enough. So, Coach, if the Defense is “good enough for now,” why are we tied with Cleveland at 4-6-1? Well Billy, mainly it’s bad Offense combined with abysmal in-game coaching decisions (not play calling, just idiotic decisions no NFL head coach should make that give way the game) and at least one colossal blunder on the Special Bus Teams. Against Vickies we were only down by 3 with 1:58 left in the 3rd Qtr when questionable-draft-pick-punter-Scott kicked a weak 43 yarder which was returned to the Packers 36. Add on a bonus 5 yd penalty and the Queens went the 31 yards in 4 plays and the Packers were down by 10. The play that was most emblematic of ST execution came with 6:00 min left in the 4th. The Defense was gassed because the Offense kept giving the ball back to the Queens, but they forced them to punt on 4th & 3 at the Packers 37. That’s when… Give Tramon credit, he fully owned up to his mistake right after the game (some think it would be nice if #12 did as well). As it turns out, the Defense did an outstanding job of stopping the dips from St. Paul, but that stop left the ball on the GB 7 yd line with 4:51 left on the clock. We managed a FG on the ensuing drive and that was the final score, 24-17. Offense is the primary problem For the year we have “won” a little over half of the quarters we have played; the problem always seems to be that we fall apart and get blown out too often for that to matter. The chart below has a mind boggling amount of statistics, and they all boil down to:
Toward the bottom of the chart, you can see that we have been absolutely Dead Last in the NFL on “Plays per game” over the last 3 games. We are 30th in 3rd Down conversion percentage, leading to 26th in 2nd Half Time-of-Possession…leading to being ranked 27th in 2nd Half Points scored over the last 3 games. Why Coach, why? Well Billy, since Aaron Jones came back from weed probation, the offense clicks during the first quarter, but then stagnates as MM rests him during the second quarter, then continues to stagnate as multiple factors weigh in, including Rodgers missing receivers and not throwing to open guys underneath. The formula used to be short passes and runs until safeties play closer to the LOS to stop the short stuff, then pop a long pass to Driver, Jennings or Jordy. Now the pattern is one of looking deep, ignoring wide open receivers underneath, continue to look deep, throw the ball away or (particularly on 3rd down), take a sack. (Watch for Rob Demovsky's report on that tomorrow.) The “scripted” first 15 plays are not only working, but are actually creative (McVay/Peyton-ish) with lots false motion and misdirection! ...and then when get to play number 16, it’s back to the same ol shit. Born in the Year-of-our-Lord-1963, in his 11th game of his 13th year of Coaching the GBP, John Michael McCarthy of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, seems to have finally figured out when to go for it on 4th and short. At 7:28 in the 3rd Qtr with the score tied at 14-14, facing 4th down and roughly 25.4 millimeters on the GBP 44, McCarthy decided to go for it….Bravo! Finally! After countless blunders on down-&-distance: go-or-it? kick-the-FG? punt? go-for-the-TD? punt? what-do-I-do? Yes, Coach will admit, Mike made the right decision. Well, sort of... After the game Rodgers “defended” the play by pointing out that Davante Adams had never practiced the play. Aaron, come again? What in the name of Vince Lombardi power football are you talking about? We’ve gone over-and-over the same mistakes being made every week (see also Mrs. McMurphy above). Coach has heartburn for three reasons on this play:
This whole sequence is simply disgusting and is a microcosm of the Season. And just to put some icing on the cake, after Bakhtiari got hurt Jason Spriggs came in and was a disaster. And to think Ted actually traded up to get this guy. Time for the players to get their shit together, live up to their potential, and win out. The remainder of our schedule is loaded with “gimme” games, so if they lose any of these, heads will roll (God willing). Shoot, we still have a reasonable chance of making the playoffs! More on that later, but Coach is gonna take a break from last week’s poop show and cover some other important topics that you'll want to know about… WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Rob Demovsky Spends Busy Day Stating The Obvious, Starting Rumors BRISTOL, CT – Capping off a chock-full week of reporting common knowledge and giving serious thought to shit he can make up about how Aaron Rodgers’ love life is affecting his throwing accuracy, Packers Insider for ESPN and Illinois native, Rob Demovsky, spent a busy day fueling speculations and not ruling things out. “After dedicating a few hours in the morning to drawing a lot of focus, laying groundwork, and considering unnamed sources, Mr. Demovsky conducted a full afternoon of taking stock of things and thinking it through, as well as several hours of careful reflection,” ESPN intern Skippy Sanderson said of the 47-year-old’s breakneck schedule of entertaining various possibilities and doing due diligence. “Between looking ahead and setting the stage, Rob has been putting in 18-hour days of late. No sooner has he finished up an evening’s worth of rewording things he heard on WLUK's Inside The Huddle, than he has to wake up the next morning at 6 a.m. and resume groundless assertions without the benefit of actual player interviews.” Sanderson later added, “...and there is no truth to the rumor that Rob is planning to change his surname to Dipshitsky. In fact, he didn't even start that one.” When sought for comment on his next breaking story about the Green and Gold, Demovsky was trying to squeeze in several more minutes of rushing to judgement before sparking baseless rumors and generating lackluster buzz. Quinten Rollins: “I’ve Always Dreamed Of Playing For The Cardinals Since I Was Released By The Packers And Had No Other Options” MESA, AZ – After signing an unconfirmed length contract with the team, Cardinals cornerback Quinten Rollins revealed Wednesday that he has always dreamt of playing for Arizona from the moment he was released by the Green Bay Packers and had absolutely no other alternatives. “Ever since I can remember being a free agent without a shred of interest from any other teams, I’ve always wanted to wear that Cardinals uniform,” said Rollins, adding that he leapt at the opportunity as soon as he heard the Cardinals were the sole NFL franchise willing to employ him following his disappointing stint with the Packers. “To finally be where I’ve dreamed of playing since back when I was told by my agent that the Cardinals were my only shot at continuing my NFL career – it is really a dream come true.” Reached for comment, Cardinals head coach Steve Wilks told reporters he had always hoped to work with Rollins, dating back to the first time he realized the four-year veteran was the only cornerback the team could get. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Legendary Bears Coach Suffers Heart Attack NAPLES, FL – “Iron Mike” Ditka, the former NFL coach who led the Chicago Bears to a Super Bowl over 30 some years ago, was hospitalized in Florida earlier this week after suffering a heart attack. According to reports, Ditka, when learning the Bears didn’t lose back-to-back division games, grabbed at his upper chest, clenched his jaw and pushed out the words “Earth!...Devil!…Floods!…,” as he writhed in pain. This is Ditka’s 2nd such cardiovascular failure in addition to an acute stroke suffered in recent years. In a show of support for the aging competitor, a Wisconsin tavern has dedicated a menu item to him as a heart-healthy alternative. The so-called “FIB Platter” is a fugly vegetables-only offering, over-priced and heavily-taxed, lacking in sanitary presentation and devoid of flavor. Sunday Snowstorm In Chicago Delays Hundreds Of Murders CHICAGO – The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from a holiday snowstorm that delayed hundreds of murders on Sunday morning and continued to push numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced. “As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume murdering again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Michael Davidson said on Monday, which caused numerous homicide cancellations in the wee early Sunday morning hours which are normally peak murder times. “Unfortunately, we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, but we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible. We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings, especially those ordered by elected officials, and assure concerned citizens that they will be able to resume slayings sufficiently in time to reach their quotas by the end of the week.” At press time, authorities reported that murders were up and running in many parts of the city, with four teenagers already gunned down on Chicago’s south side. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Pathetic Badgers decide to not show up – Minnesota wins axe for first time in 14 years WTF! We entered the season ranked fourth in the country, and were busy guaranteeing a playoff berth. After all, on paper this Badger team was supposed to be the greatest ever to wear the white and red. Finally, we felt ready to play with the likes of Clemson, Alabama, and Ohio State following a 13-1 campaign last year, which resulted in an Orange Bowl win. Well, how’d that all work out? We ended the regular season 7-5 after a disgusting 37-15 loss to Minnesota Saturday. Absolutely embarrassing. Can you believe we gave up 37 points to a Gophers team that entered the game with only five wins? This rivalry shouldn’t ever be within 40 points. Minnesota is the little cousin you beat up on at Christmas. We are thoroughly appalled. You know what the worst part was? ...The fact Wisconsin didn’t look like they gave a damn. They appeared broken; spiritually, emotionally and physically. Anyway, hats off to the Gophers. They deserved to win. Ski U Mah (pronounced “skroo yer ma”). What went wrong on Saturday? Let’s start with those issues which were not present throughout the season. Never attend a Badgers game on Senior Day when the game follows Thanksgiving. Most students are out of town and many season ticket-holders don’t make the trip. The senior introductions are emotional and the ceremony lets the air out of the stadium for even the most exuberant crowds. A totally flat team at kickoff has become the norm. Only last year was different because we were so much better and the Goophs were so much worse. This loss will resonate for some time in the form of Wisconsin’s traditional football & basketball recruiting pipeline from the state of Minnesota. We created a monster as Gopher players now have reason to buy into the Kool-Aid that PJ Fleck is brewing. Our best hope is the self-destructive tendencies that have haunted the Vikings & Gophers for decades. So, what went wrong with this season of high expectations? Here are a couple key points: 1. Graduations & Nick Nelson’s early departure on defense were too much to overcome. Word to the weary, considering the new 4-game redshirt rule, we should have been given a preview of what’s in store for next year. 2. Our offense was pretty bad last year, too, but last year’s defense was not around this year to repeatedly bail them out for turnovers and failed drives this year. Despite our strong running game, receiver separation and play action pass opportunities were not there—just like last year. Here are a couple more points (lean in): 3. Gaglionone. The FG miss against BYU was a killer. Over the years, we have regularly won non-conference games where we under-performed and deserved to lose. Last week’s miss after a promising opening drive set off a celebration on the Gopher sideline that surely reinforced whatever BS PJ Fleck was spewing in the locker room during his motivational speech. 4. Injuries. We couldn’t afford any on the DL or in the secondary. We were hit hard and had defenders running in circles during the second half of the season. Offensively, Coan filling in for Hornibrook during the Northwestern & Ped State games was abysmal. 5. Losing Cephus to #Metoo. His return was something that many of us really looked forward to. It’s not certain that he would have been repeatedly running down the sideline 5 yards behind defenders pulling in Hornibrook deep balls, but he would have been a big target 10-15 yards down the field along with Ferguson. 6. Stupid pre-snap OL penalties. Put Bostad back in charge of coaching the OL. This has been a problem for three years and has been most pronounced in the red zone. 7. Play calling. Whether the blame goes to Paul Chryst or Joe Rudolph, lack of creativity and the inability to break tendency was exceeded only by Mike McCarthy. The major points highlighted above are just a response to us having our highest hopes only a few months ago -- and it was the happiest we’d ever been entering a season; but now, all we have to look forward to is a crappy bowl game. Reports are that representatives of the Holiday Bowl were in attendance on Saturday. Whoop de friggin do! See ya in August! We’re Gonna Kick You’re A$$ – predictions for the upcoming game So you’re a fan displeased with the Packers this year (Click on Link)? Ye loyal readers of little faith, Coach has hope for you! We are currently 6th in a group of 6 teams vying for two Wild Card spots. There are a number of different simulators on-line for you to waste your time with (which Coach highly recommends that you do while being paid at work), but while you dazzle yourself with the magical-statistical models, keep in mind the following table: Indeed, we can make the playoffs in many, many scenarios, but most probably we need to run the table. The scary part? We actually still have a decent mathematical chance to make the No. 6 WC spot with a 4-1 record down the stretch. Scary. Needless to say, we need a lot of help, but the teams we are running against all have pretty tough remaining schedules. Coach's official odds? Certainly better than a Snowman surviving Easter Weekend in Green Bay…. …the Defense is playing well enough …the Special Teams are making mistakes, but survivable …the only real question? Will Rodgers stop pouting and lead this team. He certainly has the physical skills, if he can kiss and makeup with McCarthy we have a very, very good chance of going 5-0 to end the Regular Season. (What do you want me to say, huh? In this section I always predict good things and victories!) And don't forget, the Cardinals Still Suck! Ok, so it doesn’t have the same ring to it… ….but they are originally from Chicago!!! The Cardinals are very literally the oldest team in the NFL (look it up) and have been playing the Packers since November 20th of 1921, when we absolutely throttled them in a 3-3 Draw in Chicago. All-time we lead the series 45-24-4 and have been winning games by an average of 19 to 14. Recently, however, things haven’t been so friendly. In the McCarthy/Rogers era we have played five times, once at home and four times in the desert. Good thing we are playing at home this week, because we are 1-3 in AZ (2x in OT in the playoffs), losing by an average score of 27 to 31. The only recent game at Lambeau was in November of 2012 when we won 31-17. Weird how it’s been with the Cards, we suck on the road… So far in 2018 the Redbirds have two wins, both against the equally bad 49’ers (2-9 on the year). The odds makers have GB as a 14.5-point favorite (see also 2012) …but hold on… if you read the X&O’s above you will see that that statistically we don’t look so formidable. But Coach Doesn’t Care! In a miraculous healing by by St. Vince, AR has his rectal-cranial-inversion cured in a “you-wanna-se-me-throw-a-Tom-Brady-check-down-to-Aaron-Jones-miracle” game, we gonna win! ...AJ will have 19 touches for a total of a buck-50 and 1 TD ...Mudder Jamaal Williams will have 10 carries for 44 yards ...The D will have 2 INT’s and a fumble return for a TD ...And our savior, Jake Kumerow, will have a very Jeff-Janis-versus-Arizona-like 7 catches for 139 yards and 2 TDs. In a get-well game at home in the rain and snow…. GB 38 AZ 10 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Coach was hoping for an epic comeback at Minnesota, earning their first road win of the season. You know, just like in Week 10 of the 1985 season when, down by 10-points to the Vikings, a putrid Jim Zorn (yes, he played for the Packers, too) was replaced in the 4th quarter by the previously-benched Lynn Dickey (because he lost the desire to play football, or so he said the week prior). Well, the big Dick came in and rose to the occasion. It all started with an amazing pass-and-catch to this week’s hero, Phillip Epps. Epps made a tough reception at the 21-yard line on a go route and his momentum from stretching out beyond a Vikings defender caused him to nearly fall out of bounds, but he successfully hopped on one foot along the sidelines for the remaining 14-yards to score a touchdown. That was the 1st of 3 touchdowns the Packers scored in the last 5 minutes of the game, and the Packers won 27-17. Phi Epps was a TCU Horned Frog before being drafted by the Packers in 1982. At 5’-10” and 165-lbs soaking wet, he was also a World-Class sprinter. His personal best of 20.19 seconds in the 200 meters was the second fastest time in the world in 1982. Not too shabby. BTW, his close friend, Carl Lewis, set the world record. Epps played wide receiver for the Packers for 7 years before finishing out his NFL career in 1989 as a wide receiver for the Jets. After his playing days, the NFL retiree took the unusual and admirable step of enlisting in the Naval Reserve. Phillip Epps was stationed as a fighter pilot for 4 years on the S.S. Essess out of Port Mayport in Carolina Beach, North Carolina, before completing his military service with more administrative-type duties behind a desk in New York, New York. After an honorable discharge from the service, Phillip Epps moved back to Wisconsin, retiring in a quaint northern vacation town. So this week we salute you, Phil Epps, and welcome home! Now let’s go shoot down the Cardinals.
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Coach is reporting this week with sketchy Wi-Fi from a tavern near deer camp. I hope you got your buck. Of course, Coach did. It’s a familiar ritual with Coach’s legendary hunting camp cronies where we loosely interpret a wildlife slaughter based on U2’s famous 1983 album War, with particular homage to the song, Sunday Bloody Sunday. No big racks to brag about, but a few nice baldies made up for it (assume double entendre). Let’s just say there were bodies strewn across the dead end street, and we’ll leave it at that. Now on with The Show!!! Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme The Seattle Game Coaches Prediction? “4th & 2” replaces “4th & 26”? Hard to imagine it will because “4th & 26” was a loss in the 2003 Playoffs, but what the two have in common were blunders by the Head Coach (look it up). “I was a little relieved” said Pete Carroll, talking about the Packers punting on 4th & 2 with 4:20 left in the game. “I really did like that they punted ball to us right there because we knew we had a shot to kill the game if we could, and kill the clock, and we did it. It was like ‘Oh here we go, this is our time.’” Fantastic, Pete Carroll publicly thanked Fat Bastard Mike for his idiotic decision making. We now have a 3-10 Road Record going back to the beginning of 2017, and we’ve lost 7 consecutive Road Games, 6 of which had Rodgers at QB. Melissa McCarthy used to use Coach-speak to talk about “stacking successes” …. now he needs to talk about his legacy, stacking losses in Playoffs on top of underperforming in Regular Season games. The game summary is that we generally played well enough on Defense and Special Teams, again, but lack of Offensive production kept the D on the field too long in the 2nd half, and then injuries and fatigue took over in the last Quarter. Two additional important factors:
Let’s back up a few minutes before “4th & 2”… At 6:41 left in the 4th Quarter, Seattle had the ball, 1st & 10 at 50 and they were trailing 24-20. The Packers’ potential for a road win was right in front of them. Get a stop and we win. Wilson went deep to Tyler Lockett, who let the ball hit the ground on the Packer’s 16. The play went fast, but keep in mind the angle below is what the Packer’s bench saw live. Even the notorious Packer haters who were calling the game (Joe Buck & Troy Aikman) wondered out loud why the Packer’s didn’t challenge the call. McCarthy only had one timeout left and is generally an awful judge of when to challenge…so no doubt his self-doubt played a role…and he did not challenge the catch – EVEN THOUGH IT WAS AT THE MOST CRITICAL POINT IN THE GAME! Three plays later Wilson had them in EZ on an easy pitch & catch and the SeaTürds went ahead 27-24 with 5:08 left in the game. A contested catch, in Seattle, leading to a game winning score? WTF, September 24th, 2012, Fail Mary, all over again? But how did we get to having only one timeout with six minutes left in the game? Oh yeah, just like we’ve been doing all season, we called timeout twice to avoid Offensive Delay of Game Penalties. Put that mistake on both McCarthy and Rodgers, but Coach is mainly blaming Rodgers. It’s clear that something is wrong, it’s happening every stinking game. Why are we having delay of game penalties? Is McCarthy late getting the plays in? (Sometimes, but not usually.) Is Rodgers really so smart he’s visualizing the play to come, but he needs more time to analyze every permutation and combination? Is Rodgers so P.O.’d at McCarthy’s play call and personnel combination that he loses track of time? Coach doesn’t know, and Coach doesn’t care. You have to snap the f’ng ball and run the play. Hidden in the delay of game penalties is the number of times we are down to a second or two on the play clock. Why does this matter? Well folks, the D-Line is not blind, and they know when the snap is coming when there are only a few seconds left. Just one factor why Rodgers has been running for his life on most pass plays. No problem, 5:08 left, we have the ball 1st & 10 at the 25, down by 3 points, AR at QB, classic setup for a game winning drive, RIGHT? Unfortunately, NO. AR & McCarthy conspired together to lose the game. 1st & 10– Rodgers skipped a ball to deep right to ESB… Question 1 – why are we panicking and calling for a deep pass with over 5 minutes left…we’ve been running the ball well, why not chew some clock? Question 2 – ESB wasn’t open, nor anyone else downfield, so why didn’t we go to the wide-open Aaron Jones for the check down (photo above)? It’s not like he can’t run the ball well …WTF? 2nd & 10 -pass, complete, short left to MVS, for 8 yards 3rd & 2 - pass, incomplete, short right to MVS. What in the name of Vince Lombardi is going on out there? 4th & 2 at GB 33, down by 3 points, we have one timeout and we have arguably one of the most clutch QB’s in the history of the game and we’ve been running well all game. So, we go for it right? Our defense is gassed, our two best DL (Clark & Daniels) are both injured and out of the game. So, we go for it right? No, we don’t. The strategy we choose? Punt. JK Scott punted 67 yards to end zone for a touchback. Seattle then ran for two first downs and they ran out the clock. Similar to the Rams game, a ST f’up at the end, this time by Melissa McCarthy, and AR never gets the ball at the end. So where is the offense going? What happened in the 2nd Half? Who-the-frick knows? Aaron Jones had a terrific 1st half and so did the Packers. In the second half we panicked, we went away from the run, we went away from Aaron Jones and we lost the game. It’s about that simple. Unfortunately, this has been a pattern for Rodger’s all year. He only has 1 interception, but at 61.8% completion he is well below his career average of 64.9%. His average per completion is 7.98, above his career average of 7.87…what does this mean, Coach? Well, exactly like your eyeballs are telling you, Rodgers is holding the ball too long, trying for the home run ball, and throwing it away if it isn’t there. Just like in baseball, the HR is exciting, but it’s not a consistent way to win games. #CubsCanSuckIt We need a few more base hits. Using Aaron Jones is a base hit. Seven or eight yards at a pop may not be sexy, but moving the sticks is! The Refs As coach mentioned above, officially we had 5 penalties for 80 yards…but the Referee’s impact on the game was much, much bigger. Make no mistake, we made plenty of mistakes to lose the game…but…the Referees had a huge negative impact on the Packers and we are just not a good enough team to overcome both our own mistakes and the Refs. We also had one really, really knuckled-headed penalty by a Safety, again! At 4:47 left in the 2nd Qtr, Pack leading 14-10, Seattle had the ball at 1st & 10 at their own 30, when Raven Greene not only knocked down the receiver, he knocked out Jaire Alexander who likely would have picked off the underthrown ball. In addition to stupid penalties, there were other questionable penalties, and one debatable no-call, that wiped-out three potential scoring opportunities for the Packers. In the 2nd Qtr, Trevor Davis had a 53-yard kickoff return following a Seahawks touchdown, exploding through a crease to advance the football to Seattle’s 47-yard line. A holding penalty on Korey Toomer negated the return and forced the Packers to start the drive 33 yards back at their own 20-yard line. Replays showed Toomer’s hands outside the defender’s shoulder pads, but Toomer never actually grabbed or impeded the progress of the player, who was trailing the play and in no position to affect the return. At worst, it was a lackluster effort by the defender, and certainly not a hold by Toomer. Officially it was recorded as a 10-yard holding call, in reality is was a 33-yard penalty. Another ticky-tacky call went against the Packers on the offense’s first drive of the second half. Aaron Jones run off left tackle gained 18 yards and put the Packers at the Seahawks’ 33-yard line. However, ESB crashed down as a run blocker and put one of his hands on the back of Seahawks safety Bradley McDougald, who over pursued the play and missed a tackle on Jones. Officials called a block in the back penalty on St. Brown despite the fact that he didn’t actually block McDougald. The defender’s lack of positioning on the play gave the impression of a block, but it was Jones’ cut – and the resulting missed tackle – that actually put McDougald on the ground. Instead of 1st-and-10 inside field goal range at the 33, the Packers faced 1st-and-20 at their own 39-yard line – a 28-yard flip. A drive later, the Seahawks avoided the same kind of “by the book” penalty that affected the Packers earlier in the game. So, not only were the refs bad, they were inconsistently bad, only negatively affecting the Packers. On first down near midfield, the Packers ran receiver Davante Adams on a deep route from the slot of a 3×1 formation. The route concept forced the Seahawks to cover Adams with linebacker Bobby Wagner, who actually carried the route well downfield. Rodgers bought extra time and eventually underthrew Adams near the sideline. When Adams attempted to track back for the football, Wagner – still running full speed – made contact and impeded his ability to make the catch. By definition, it was clearly defensive pass interference. Had it been called; the Packers would have been set up with 1st-and-goal from inside the 10-yard line. Instead, nothing was called, and the Packers punted it away two plays later. The Seahawks were also exceedingly lucky on two important pass plays in the second half. Both drives led to points. On the first, officials overturned an incomplete pass from Russell Wilson to David Moore on third down. Moore struggled to control the ball and eventually lost it, but replay officials determined he gained control for long enough to consider the play catch. The 27-yard completion set up a field goal. A drive later, Wilson threw deep to Tyler Lockett for a diving, 34-yard catch, the “no catch” explained above. There were enough Packer fans at the game that they expressed their displeasure directly to the Referees at the end of the game. Fan Reaction As you already know, fans are very upset. Following Coach’s lead, the locals are calling for McCarthy’s firing and have invaded 1265 Lombardi Avenue searching out Mark Murphy in protest. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed that evening. After Coach sobered up, he reminded the crew that the American way to resolve this shit show is through the ballot box, and we have democratic process that is the foundation of our Team. The results are in: Mike McCarthy has been mathematically eliminated from fan support to keep his job. Of course, McCarthy immediately lawyered up and hired Broward County election supervisor Brenda Snipes to do a recount; and, unfortunately, interim Packers CEO Mark Murphy has agreed to slow the removal process down. That said, Coach offers compelling data to support the fans’ will… The table below shows the last 2 seasons record of every Packers Coach who has been fired since Lombardi. McCarthy’s record since the beginning of 2016 thru game 10 of 2018 is 44% wins, exactly the same record as the average of the last 2 Seasons of all Coaches who have been fired since Lombardi. Michael McCarthy, you have been weighed and you have been measured, and you have been found to be both extremely overweight and incompetent. The Council has spoken. In no real shocking revelation, McCarthy has known that he was going to get booted for a long time (ref. his alarm when Gutey was hired as GM, and his subsequent immediate run to Murphy: “He can’t fire me, right?”). In a July 25th, 2018 interview in Forbes, McCarthy said: “Well, I mean, when I look at my job from a personal viewpoint, I feel that I have to make sure you look in the mirror and you try to improve each and every day,” McCarthy told reporters Wednesday. “I value the experience that I have in the first 12 years and how you apply it, but I’m also very realistic and clearly understand and make sure everybody around me understands that this is our opportunity, 2018, and that’s really all that matters. {Coach’s comment: aside from the fact that the sentence is nonsensical and incomprehensible, it sounds like he already conceded that his reign is over. The coward should have resigned during the Off-Season.} At press time Coach could not confirm the Packers plans for the future, but former Bears head coach Mike Ditka was seen at St. Brennan’s Inn in downtown Green Bay last week. Oh man, I hope this isn’t the plan, but that would be about Murphy’s level of incompetence to bring in a failed Bears coach. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up McCarthy Confesses “Of course I’m not happy!” GREEN BAY, WI – At an in-home interview with Coach Clarahanson’s hard-hitting ace reporter, Ginger Hamm, Packers head coach Mike McCarthy erupted in response to her inquiry if he’s still happy coaching in Green Bay. Brown County Health & Human Services behavioral psychologists have hinted that McCarthy’s massive weight gain can be easily attributed to depression from his inability to function at a competent level on game days, as evidenced by his team’s woeful record. This video link (click on link) is the main excerpt from Ginger’s one-on-one exclusive with the Packers play caller. Be sure to leave comments for her at the top of the blog! Troy Aikman Warns Fans About Comparing Concussions Between Eras DALLAS – Noting that new rules and increased athleticism have transformed the NFL, former quarterback Troy Aikman warned fans Thursday afternoon during his Thanksgiving Day broadcast about comparing today’s concussions to the brain injuries from earlier NFL eras. “It’s just an entirely different game now. Sure, there are guys doing incredible harm to their brains today, but you can’t compare it to the debilitating damage players suffered in the 70s and 80s,” said Aikman, adding that there was no way to compare the strength of modern concussions until players’ brains degrade with neurodegenerative disease over the next few decades. “Some might say Terry Bradshaw had the greatest concussions of all time, but there’s really no way to compare them to the brain injuries of Peyton Manning or Ben Roethlisberger. Can you say Joe Namath would have had the same concussions if he were being hit by people like J.J. Watt? The NFL is looking at a whole different kind of head trauma now.” Aikman added that in another concussion era, he might have won eight Super Bowls with the Vikings instead of just six. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof It’s a holiday and deer hunting shortened football week, so Coach is offering video evidence in lieu of lengthy, insightful prose to confirm for you, once again, that Chicago sucks. Setting the table, Bears fans are Cubs fans and Cubs fans are Bears fans. You know that. They celebrate that. Whatever. They are, understandably, interchangeable. And, yes, they suck. Watch this video (click on link). Nuf sed. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky won a key game in exciting fashion for only the second time this year, against the pesky Purdue Boilerlancers. The first exciting win came at Iowa City, but didn’t get considered as exciting because it was low scoring, took place at a time when we were relatively healthy, expected to win, and took winning for granted. Few of us saw this Purdue win coming or the way it went down, given the dreadful performances at Northwestern and Ped State. This one has us really fired up, as there was a great deal of adversity to slog through and the cycle of losing big games on the road was broken. Again, self-inflicted adversity in the form of penalties were in the double digits and exceeded 100 yards. The second half deficit was 14 points. Jonathon Taylor was outrageous with 321 yards rushing and likely has played himself into a Doak Walker award and NY Heisman show invite. The second effort yards were the best, especially in OT. Through the first half of this season, a concern was that Taylor gained his yards only 6 at a time, not breaking big runs until the Nebraska game. This guy gives a crap, and gives it his all. He is special. The rest of the team fed off that. For the first time this season, our fledgling QB Coan was not a large game-killing negative and actually threw a couple of nice TD passes with awesome receptions by DD3. Those catches were reminiscent of Horn Dog’s thread-the-needle miracles at the Orange Bowl against the supposed defense-oriented, turnover-chain Huber Law ‘Canes. On D, we gave up points. Though this is most definitively not Lennie’s product from last year, Jimmy has the inexperienced guys in the secondary making plays on Slingin David Brough (who will probably play Sundays in the future). Van Ginkel lit up the stat sheet and reportedly did not find a fire extinguisher for his golden locks until he reached the bus for the ride home. That guy was all over the field, fast, and out to KATN. Looking ahead to the Axe game, we better f’ing win. Welcome to the People’s Temple cult leader PJ Fleck. PJ Fleck: Being Elite PJ Fleck: Failing vs Failure How can any Gophers fan watch these videos with a straight face? Because they're a desperate lot, willing to believe anything that can be spun as remotely positive about their program. That's how false prophets like Fleck get hired and why they continue to pop up on the college football scene and the home shopping network. Minnie hasn’t beat us since 2003, which is enough time for even the most jaundiced Gerbil faithful to lose all hope. Fleck legitimizes their delusion. This state is what psychologists categorize as a symbiotic relationship. He reminds one of the highly commissioned lead sales person of a boiler room pyramid scheme with the follow-up video telling you to imagine yourself working from home with $100,000 in the bank in no time selling weight loss smoothies. To this point, his program has been anything but elite. We cannot take the Goofs lightly and worse yet, cannot legitimize the People’s Temple of Fleck with an upset in Camp Randall. He will never outcoach anyone in the Big Ten, but allowing him to out-recruit us on turf that we have owned must be avoided. Purdue stomped the suspect Bucknuts who were then stomped by Minnie. Our win at Purdue took some of the luster off of Minnie’s win a week earlier, but also gave them further hope that they could hang with us. In addition to a respectable rushing game which will challenge our depleted DL, Minnie’s passing game is a concern for our secondary. They possess 4 good receivers, with Tyler Johnson being very close to breaking school records for yards, receptions & TD’s. Their QB has thrown 6 picks & 6 TDs, but the OL has given up 26 sacks. We predict a solid, but boring Chryst curb-stomping thanks to Taylor raising NFL defection prospects with another blowout rushing game. Minnesota has had difficulty stopping the run this year (ranking 120th). They gave up 430 yards rushing to Illinois and abruptly fired their D coordinator. Despite good performances the last two weeks, it's still the same porous rush D that we know, love and feast on. This will be the 487th meeting of these two teams with Bucky having the edge 60 to 59 and 3 ties. Vegas says Badgers by 10. We expect a more focused effort and predict a 37-19 Bucky win. Even if we are wrong and the game is close, look for the Gophers to find a way to shit down their leg and give UW the game. With the students out of town, the weather cold, the West Division title a distant memory and ticket prices low, get out to Camp Randall. Don’t let deluded, Kool-Aid guzzling Goof fans take over our stadium. We suggest you opt for tickets in family-friendly sections, though... Camp Randall Fingerbang (Click on Link) As far as Paul Bunyan's Axe goes, which succeeded the Slab of Bacon in 1948, the Badgers hold the edge 43-24-3. Last year PJ called the season year zero. They went 2-7 in the Big Ten (5-7 overall). This year they have also won 2 games (Indiana and Purdue) and are 5-6. Let's keep it that way and make this year 0.1, handing them a 5-7 non-bowl eligible record. We’re Gonna Kick You’re A$$ – Predictions for the upcoming game It’s hard to feel confident about the Team, but Coach assures you that we will continue to achieve at a “Mediocre” or “Mediocre+” level for the rest of the year. So far we are 4-0-1 against below average competition at home and 0-5 against “decent” competition on the road. Coach is going to go out on a limb here and predict that we will go at least 3-2-1 down the stretch and achieve an unprecedented 7-7-2 Regular Season record! In related news that shocked the world, after the Vikings got destroyed by the Bears on SNF, Minnesota’s long-time mascot, Ragnar, has now joined Packer Nation. The Queens now sport a 5-4-1 record they are basically the same as the Pack. In an unprecedented prediction that you will only hear here…. ….in an NFL “first-time-ever”, the Packers and Vikings will tie and they will finish their season series: 0-0-2. JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them This week we pay tribute to another great local boy done good, Chester “Swede” Johnston, from Appleton. Chester was a blond-haired blue-eyed son of immigrants that lined up for Curly Lambeau as a 5’-8” 200-pound ball-carrying fullback. He played collegiately at Marquette University and Elmhurst College before following in his father’s footsteps as a professional football player, bouncing around between several here-and-gone teams of the friable 1930’s NFL, but playing out most of his career as a Packer. He was particularly valuable as a punter, being a “spot kicker” that could average 60 yards and hit the sideline. Accurate spot kicking was a revelation in his day, as teams quickly learned the advantages of keeping the ball away from receivers and rolling it out of bounds after getting the full kicking distance, which prevented runbacks and saved wear and tear on would-be tacklers. Hmmmm…a lost art in Green Bay? “Swede” (as his teammates called him) frequently brought smiles to the faces of the guys in the locker room. Whether it was eating herring from a jar at halftime, popping meatballs into his mouth during playbook study, or spreading lingon berries on his ice cream, Swede always had a tasty treat handy. He curiously was very reserved in social settings until he had a drink or two in him, which flipped a switch and then he famously blossomed into the boisterous person that he probably really was underneath all that reticence. Some other recognizable tidbits about Swede include that, after football, he became an entrepreneurial juggernaut, bringing both Volvo car dealerships and IKEA furniture stores to America. Also, the youngest brother of Swede’s wife, Janice, was the highly successful producer and songwriter Mike Chapman, who launched the career of Stockholm rock-dance sensation ABBA. And, most recently, his twin granddaughters, Emma and Sara Koponen, have become budding actresses in the Swedish movie industry… The twins, 25, have 32E breasts, fake super-size lips and spend every day at the gym. Sara says: “As twins we have to look the same, people expect it and we love the attention. We are both obsessed with body modification but we make sure we both do the exact same things otherwise we run the risk of not matching.” The Swedish tarts started working as ringside girls at boxing matches before becoming famous adult film twins, and are setting their sights on new posterior implants, teeth veneers and nose jobs to advance their fame even further. Emma says: “It’s important for us to make our dreams come true — and the main thing, too, is that we do it all together.” At age 16, they began thinking about enhancing their bodies. By the time they were 19, they took out a joint bank loan to pay for matching boob jobs, boosting their chests from an A to a C. Sara says: “Our first boob jobs cost $3,000 each. We were both so excited and we couldn’t wait to look at our new boobs together. We immediately felt better about our bodies and the boys gave us much more attention.” Within a year they both felt a compulsion to have more surgery. Sara says: “We really wanted to go bigger, to have super-sized boobs, and when our surgeon recommended we go to a D-cup we both agreed.” But afterwards, they still could not stop talking about their boobs — and immediately they went back to the surgeon to go bigger again. Sara says: “We told him we didn’t feel big enough and he said he could take us to an E-cup, but no more. We immediately went through with it. Some girls called us nice names like ‘whore’ and I think that’s what got us interested in doing meaningful films that help couples and larger groups of people build stronger relationships. It’s our way of giving back for all the surgeries that we’ve been blessed with.” I know it’s the holidays, and call me a softie if you want, but touching stories like that always just kind of choke me up a bit this time of year. Anyways, Chester Johnston was a great Wisconsinite who won two NFL championships with Curly Lambeau and, in 1981, he was rightfully inducted into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame. Although he passed away 16 years ago at the ripe old age of 92, we are proud to salute the great “Swede!”
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Coach realizes you don’t have much time to get too deep into the weeds this week with football analysis; what, with the condensed schedule of Thursday Night Football and all the packing of your blaze oranges for deer camp this weekend. Coach wishes good luck to all of you fellas out there in search of a big rack! Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Hey, hey, hey! 4-0-1 at home and 4-4-1 overall. Coach predicted an 18-point win and the Pack delivered 19…. we’ll take it!! Help Coach out here, because there was such broad national interest in a game of 3-4-1 vs. 5-4 teams, the opening kickoff was moved to 3:25 CST. But….CBS barely cutover to the game on time, and when they did we get the No. 4 CBS Broadcast Team of none other than Kevin Harlan and Rich Gannon? OK, for Preseason it’s cute to have Bob Harlan’s son and a former Vikings QB do our games, but Regular Season games? And move to the featured 2nd game slot? Huh? Just to recap where we are on the season: Yeah, well, it is better than 3-5-1. #MarkMurphy Back to the win, plenty of ups and downs to talk about…. but the season is not over and we are very much in the hunt from a record standpoint. Defense….give’em a B+ Most importantly there was a Montravius Adams sighting, not only did he get on the field, he actually had a sack late in the 4th Qtr. It came on the Dolphins 2nd to last play and set up a Reggie Gilbert sack on 4th down to close out the game. Wow, when was the last time we finished a game with successive sacks (that weren’t called personal fouls)? Fantastic! Although he did not record a sack, Clay Matthews was as active as anyone in the Dolphins backfield. From the first play of the game, Matthews was constantly in Brock Arswiper’s face applying pressure and effecting his throws. When it was all said and done, Kyler Fackrell, Kenny Clark, Raven Greene, Adams, Dean Lowry and Gilbert all had sacks. Some of the sacks came by effort while others were due to Pettine’s scheme. Loyal readers know that Fackrell drives Coach nuts, but he was moved all over the formation and used equally in run support, pass rush and coverage and moved past Clay Matthews and Nick Perry in the stats column. Give ’ole Ficky his due, he actually had a very good game. Bashaud Breeland had a pick, Reggie Gilbert recovered a fumble and Raven Greene had a great game as well. Raven who? Yes, our UDFA Safety played 30 snaps in place of Kentrell Brice and played well all game. He had a dropped INT, but otherwise looked really good back there. (On the other hand, rookie Josh Jackson had an illegal contact penalty, gave up several completions and missed a couple tackles, so he remains a work in progress.) Let’s give Gooty and Pettine full props here, the Defense really was good, albeit against Brock Oddweiner with 3 backup OL in front of him. But still, three times we faced a short field after the blocked punt, the fumbled punt return, and the offense turning ball over on downs, and the D gave up no TD’s. We are not a Top-10 D, but we are leading the NFL in sacks (even if 13 of those are against Buffalo & Miami). Clearly Pettine has this group performing well enough to be a playoff team, even if the talent is average at best. Offense – give’em a solid B Four redzone trips, four TD’s. Keep this up and we might even be good. Clearly the more Aaron Jones touches the ball, the better we do. He had two TD’s as did Davante Adams; so much had been written about those two guys that Coach is going to skip it here, suffice to say they are both the real deal. Let’s dig a little deeper, Marcedes Lewis got his 2nd catch of the year and it’s obvious that he can do more. Absolutely nobody was expecting him to have a catch and he rumbled for 30 yards. We actually had several 2 TE sets, and even 3 a couple of times. Whether it’s Joe Philbin (OC) or M McCarthy we don’t know, but it’s a very encouraging sign. The offense was by no means perfect. AR is still missing some throws that are normally automatic, but he had a 112.1 rating against the Fins and is running much better. He’s also starting to practice more, so I’m optimistic that he will return to form for the last few games of the season. However, we still have to overcome McCarthy. Ever since he got beat up for taking field goals instead of TD’s in the 2014 NFC Championship game, he seems to want to prove to everyone that he can be aggressive. Especially when it’s stupid. At 5:36 in the 2nd Qtr, facing a 4th & 2 at the Miami 49 yard line, leading 14-6, we go for it on 4th down. Rodgers gets sandwich sacked by Quinn going over Bahtkiari and Wake running past Jimmy Graham. After the game Jimmy Graham piped in with a modest assessment of his contributions: “I’m always trying to improve on my blocking and I take pride in it. A couple of those big plays, a bunch of ’em, I was in there making some pretty big blocks against a d-line that’s really good. Just kind of shows me that I’ve been doing right and going in the right direction.” The mind boggles. Why are we going for it on 4th & 2 at midfield when the D has been bottling up the struggling scarecrow Osweiller? 99.9% of football coaches surveyed said” “Punt, dumb-ass.” If we do go for it (Point 1), why are we calling a pass play when A Jones has been running wild? If we do go for it (Point 2), why do we have a play where the TE is blocking the right side instead of Bulaga? If we do go for it (Point 3), why do we have a play where the TE is Jimmy Graham and not Marcedes Lewis? The mind simply boggles. Special Teams D- How does Zook have a job? This could have been a disastrous game, against a good team we would have been blown out. JK Scott had a punt blocked. The punt-return unit gave up a 14-yard fake punt. Tramon Williams lost a fumble on a punt return. Raven Greene picked up a first down on a fake punt on a “we have fake punts too” moment a bit later in the game, which was nice, but looked really amateurish. Coach Melissa McCarthy defended Zook in his post-game press conference and pointed to Zook’s creativity in employing Offensive Linemen as returners. “Literally nobody else does this.” Good point Mike, that is true. Mike went on to explain that Coach Zook has several ideas planned. Look for these additional gifts to the other guys in a game soon: Fake FG giving up a 1st Down, Short or blocked Crosby FG returned for TD, JK Scott punt returned for TD, Crosby KO returned for TD, Successful onside kick (#BrandonBostick). WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Packers Hall Of Fame Digs Deep To Fill Two 15’x20’ Rooms ASHWAUBENON, WI – After viewing several old street maps, a rusted charcoal grill, and a pair of beer-stained wooden folding tables, visitors to the Packers Hall of Fame confirmed Monday that the curators had clearly dug deep to fill the two 15-by-20 square-feet rooms at their disposal. “The first room had photos of fans tailgating around the stadium from the past, and a handful of framed newspaper clippings by the entrance, but the next display case was basically just full of old railroad spikes,” said Bellevue resident Robert DeCleene, who spent less than a minute examining a 1948 photograph of the neighboring apartment building before concluding the structure, which is now rented out to ticket holders from out of town, looks more or less the same today as it did then. “In the second room, they had all these pictures that local kids had drawn of the team. Which is nice, I guess, but it’s not exactly history, is it? And there’s a whole exhibit that, as far as I can tell, is just about Village of Ashwaubenon board members.” HOF visitors were heartened to discover that the wall nearest the exit was occupied by a trio of well-stocked vending machines. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Promotion Offers Fans Free Pizza If Bears Kicker Doesn’t Miss 4 Times CHICAGO – In an effort to reward fans’ patience with their young, mistake-prone kicker, the Chicago Bears announced a new promotion Monday offering fans free Chicago-style (overpriced, lots of fat, heavily taxed, long lines, taste falls short of expectations) pizza if placekicker Cody Parker doesn’t miss more than 3 kicks in any one game. The move follows another putrid performance at Soldiers Fields on Sunday by the Bears kicker where he missed four easy kicks, including both extra points and field goals, “We’re excited to offer our fiercely passionate fans a large, deep-dish one-topping pizza of their choice, provided Cody can limit his misses to three each game” said Bears’ Director of Public Affairs Harold Palm, adding that fans would also receive a free order of breadsticks if two players managed to properly respond to an audibled assignment from quarterback Michael Trinkowski without running into each other. “We expect to see a new sense of excitement at the stadium, even though fans recognize how unlikely it is that we could come back in a close game against a good team if we need to rely on our kicker.” At press time there was still no confirmation from head coach Matt Nagy regarding the rumor that Bears owner Virginia Halas-McCasky instructed him to always kick a field goal immediately after crossing the 50-yard marker in the 4th quarter of home games, regardless of the down. Udder Stuff – commentary from the Badger Underground Despite Local Claims, Roadkill Not For Consumption STATE COLLEGE, PA – Local police reported Saturday night a very unusual occurrence. For the first time in many years, they witnessed the road kill of a badger. They say they have seen plenty of gopher and even wildcat incidents, but this is a once in a decade event. In unrelated news, the University of Wisconsin football team lost in Happy Valley to Penn State behind the performance of 2.5 QB rating of Jackie Coan. Purdue Graduate Self-Identifies as Badger Fan LAFAYETTE, IN – In a remarkable revelation, Purdue graduate Joe Jumulscem came out Friday as a Wisconsin football fan. Although Joe remains a diehard Boilermaker fan for basketball, he himself came out and said he has harbored these strange feelings for almost 20 years now. Said Joe, “I went to see Purdue play in Madison one time. Drew Brees lit them up, but I felt a bit off. The next morning, my Wisconsin buddy took me to a place on Park Street and everything starting making sense. The bartenders wore a fake penis hat and did ventriloquism acts with a goose, all while we watched raunchy porn and ate breakfast with beer and whisky. It was right then and there it became clear to me that I was a Badger football fan. From now on, until I die I will cheer for the Badgers. Even this weekend, when UW play my alma mater, I will be in the stands in red and white. Even though the game this weekend means nothing in the Big Ten, I will be cheering for a Badgers victory. I understand that my tendencies will not be understood by many, but I cannot deny what I feel.” And now, a thoughtful commentary about college football and deer hunting, sports that unmistakably conflict with each other in Wisconsin... In recent years, BU staff have lamented over the conflict between open opening day of gun deer season and a big Badgers football showdown. Last year’s 11am Michigan kickoff contributed to a lower than projected deer kill, subsequent higher than projected car vs. deer strikes and crop damage. Our advice remains to kill your trophy buck early, properly secure the carcass for successful transport to the nearest sports bar, or in many parts of Wisconsin a local tap featuring a 1080p 36” tube tv fueled by an illegal DirecTV subscription. Upon arrival, attempt to talk the bartender into grilling your freshly culled tenderloins and put back as many tap beers as you can prior to kickoff. And on this particular Saturday, shots might not be a bad idea. With this Badgers football season laid to waste and the opportunity appreciation participation trophy secured, our advice is to set your DVR Thursday night to cover the slim chance that something good happens in West Lafayette, remain in the woods until dark, text photos of kills between friends, volunteer hunting advice where none was requested, and – one by one, fill your generous allotment of doe tags. This BU writer has had tremendous luck filling tags as other hunters exit the woods nearly in unison for offsite lunch/rehydration breaks, Badgers kickoffs and Packers kickoffs. This is not the year to compromise a potentially great hunt with a very likely bad football game. For those of you without such conflicts, Purdue is currently a 6-point favorite this Saturday. It’s not a given that the spread will change much if Alex Hornibrook is healthy. As Purdue attempts to gather itself following a season-changing inexplicable shitstomping at the hands of bottom feeding Minnesota, Louisville’s Sunday firing of Bobby Petrino has yielded rampant speculation that the top candidate for his replacement is none other than Purdue coach Jeff Brohm. Brohm is a Louisville guy and said nothing in his Monday press conference to lessen speculation that he will be changing zip codes in January. By the by, did you notice that Paul Chryst handed off much of the playcalling responsibilities this season to Joe Rudolph? Is that a playbook or a cookbook that Joe Rudolph carries on the sidelines? If the thought of firing Joe Rudoph comes to mind, note that he is the team’s top recruiter. Wisconsin has faced the top two Big Ten pass rushes in recent weeks—Michigan and Penn State. Despite a dominant running game, Jack Coan was under siege Saturday. As bad as Hornibrook has been when healthy this season, Coan’s passing numbers have rivaled those of Tanner McEvoy at his worst. The formula for winning Saturday is a flat Purdue team and a healthy Hornibrook throwing darts in tight windows to receivers with zero separation. Good luck with that, fellas … I’ll be shitfaced by the time any Wisconsin Vs. Purdue highlights make it to the cable sports networks on display at the tavern. We’re Gonna Kick You’re A$$ – predictions for the upcoming game OK, Seattle… what does it look like? They lead the league in rushing at 153 yards per game, they have a 2-2 record at home and a rabid crowd. No problem! …We’ve looked really good on the road! Oooops, maybe not. We are going to have to sharpen up the road end of things, and there’s no better place to convince yourself you can be good on the road than in Seattle. Actually, coach is much more bullish about our road record this year. We did get handled by the Skins and the Lions, but we did fairly well vs. the PattyRots and the Lambs, so I’m optimistic about how we will play (#Shocker). We have to acknowledge that history is not on our side. McCarthy & Rodgers have played against Carroll & Wilson 6 times and the record is split. We’ve lost all three times we’ve played in Seattle and they’ve lost all three at Lambeau. But, with the exception of the 2014 home opener, we have played them to less than a TD, and please remember that the Fail Mary game is in there, too (#VikingsTie). If there is one theme in every one of our losses, it is that we shot ourselves in the foot. If we stop doing that, we win. Keys to the win in Seattle: 1) Aarons (Jones & Rodgers) outplay McCarthy’s input 2) Mike Pettine continues on the path he is on and takes the wraps off the defense. We will have to stop the run and be plus 1 on turnovers. 3) Zook is locked in a closet and is not allowed onto the field. This is the only way that Coach can think of to make this an “our O&D against your O&D” game, otherwise it will be a real Fook-up out there. 4) Pete Carroll is knocked out of the game by a ref. Notice how well the ref keeps his balance. Now is time for the Packers to get a road win. 4-0-1 at home is great, but 0-4 on the road is unacceptable. In a “let’s start this season over” effort, Packers finally flush the SeaTurds into the Sound. JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Well, as you can probably tell by now, Coach is pretty geeked up for the big deer hunt this weekend, and all the thoughts of big racks reminded me of a former Packers great and Wisconsin original, "Jugs" Girard! He was quite an athlete... Earl Francis “Jug” Girard played for the Pack from 1948 – 1951 (drafted 7th in the 1st round) and was, get this: an end, halfback, quarterback, punter, kickoff returner, defensive end, and punt returner. We can barely even get Nicked Perry to play at linebacker a whole game, fer da chry-aye-aye! Jug was also a Wisconsin Badger, and was selected as a first-team All-American halfback at age 17 when he was just a Freshman at Madison. Not too shabby! Of course, there was a little skirmish occurring during his college years (often referred to as “World War Two”), and Girard showcased his athletic abilities while serving in uniform overseas as well… By the way, Girard was discharged from the Army in November 1945, but reenlisted a day later to continue in the military for another year. After his service he went back to Madison and finished out his education and college football career there. He made a whopping $8,000 playing for the Packers as a rookie in 1948, and he also played for the Green Bay Packers BASKETBALL team after the 1948 football season. Like most of us, Jug always wanted to kiss a girl where it stinks and, sure enough, he met and married a pretty little thing named Joan Leddy from odoriferous Kaukauna in April of 1949. He spent that summer playing baseball for the Green Bay Bluejays, where he led the league with a .367 batting average. He even played minor league baseball for the Cleveland Indians in Dayton, Ohio, and he’s actually in the Wisconsin State League Baseball Hall of Fame. Girard was a standout passer and rusher for the Packers, and he even blocked 3 punts. In 1952 he was traded to Detroit (won 2 NFL championships there) and then was traded for a brief stint in Baltimore before being traded again to Pittsburgh. He retired in 1958 after 10 years as a star in the NFL, and died 40 years later at 69 (unsure with who). Girard was originally from Marinette and, as you probably know, that is one seriously F’d up deer hunting DMU. As they say, most guys up there have their deer shot before Opening Day. It is definitely a Deliverance ride when you meander north toward Marinette, and then veer west to Pound / Beaver as you head into Middle Inlet on your way to Spread Eagle. Coach isn’t too worried about pissing off the locals by blogging that; after all, I’m 99.8% sure there is zero wi-fi or cell service anywhere up there and – even if they could get internet, most of them can’t read anyway.
So we take a moment this week to salute you, Jug Girard, a great athlete from Wisconsin and former Packers Swiss army knife. Now it’s time to get it on in Seattle and then on with the hunt! This week we'll snare the Dolphins like plastic six-pack rings floating in the ocean, but before we dig into the football portion of our program, we must congratulate last week's contest winner, Timmy Baldwin from Dyckesville! Timmy correctly submitted the winning entry to What's The Best Question From A Porno? with "Well, we don't have any money for the pizza, but is there any other way we can repay you?" which narrowly beat out runners up "Can I slide in between you two ladies?" and "Did somebody call for a plumber?" Good on you, Timmy! Now, on with the football... Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Wow, another kick in the teeth….another winnable game pissed away. You know Coach likes the stats….and the Pats game was interesting in that by being down by 7 at the half vs. the Pats we were very consistent with the 1st half of the season where we are normally down by over 5 at the Half. Unfortunately, we got outscored 14-7 by the Pats in the 2nd half, not our usual 2nd half “win.” Tree-four-en-wun … what else does Coach need to say? We got close to beating two of the best teams in the NFL, on the road no less, and their coaches both say they really respected us in the morning. Very comforting. Yes, we were close to having a chance at beating the Rams … and at the end of a mediocre game, the mediocre team fumbled and killed the chance at the end. Yesss, we hung with the Patriots until we shot ourselves in the foot with an Aaron Jones fumble on the first play of the 4th Quarter. So, we’re kinda good? No, we are constantly shooting ourselves in the foot. In a summation of the mediocrity, we have now “won” 45% of the quarters we’ve played, and “lost” 42% And the total scoring just proves that out. Half way through the Season and we are down by 12 points or averaging a 1.5-point loss/ game. Very rewarding for Packer fans, I am sure. Coach loves hearing from most of yooce gize, as always, and a coupletree uvyahz sez I’ve been too hard on Melissa McCarthy and not taking players to task. Fair point, there is some truth to that – here are some of the really stupid things that contributed to losing to the Pats: Offsides on opening kick - (14:54 - 1st) M.Crosby kicks 65 yards from GB 35 to NE 0. C.Patterson to NE 36 for 36 yards (J.Moore). PENALTY on GB-J.Jones, Offside on Free Kick, 5 yards, enforced at NE 36 / 1st & 10 at NE 41 vs. 36 – bad kick coverage, and we gave Brady 5 more yards and a 59 yard field to get to the EZ … 7- 0 Patriots before we touch the ball. Roughing the Punter - 4th & 21 at NE 27 (4:27 - 3rd) R.Allen punts 50 yards to GB 23, Center-J.Cardona. T.Williams ran ob at GB 31 for 8 yards. PENALTY on GB-R.Tonyan, Roughing the Kicker, 15 yards, enforced at NE 27. Several plays later, NE 4th & 3 at NE 49. (2:34 - 3rd) R.Allen punts 44 yards to GB 7, Center-J.Cardona, downed by NE-M.Slater. The net result is a 24-yard loss in field position, we had ball at the 7 vs. the 31. Fumble instead of TD - 1st & 10 at NE 34 (14:52 - 4th) (Shotgun) A.Jones left tackle to NE 28 for 6 yards (L.Guy). FUMBLES (L.Guy), RECOVERED by NE-S.Gilmore at NE 24. S.Gilmore to NE 24 for no gain (B.Bell). We gained 69 yards on that drive, if we had started at the 31 instead of the 7 after the roughing penalty, the fumble would have been in the EndZone. TD Packers. Losing DB’s – in addition to fragile Kevin King going out yet once more, we self-destructed again when Jermaine Whitehead, supposedly the smartest DB we have, is ejected. 1st & 10 at NE 45 (3:21 - 2nd) C.Patterson right guard to GB 45 for 10 yards (B.Martinez; B.Breeland). PENALTY on GB - J.Whitehead, Disqualification, 15 yards, enforced at GB 45. Addition by subtraction? Some of you challenged all-knowing Coach when he supported Gooty for asserting himself last week by dumping Chuckle-Chuckle-Clinton’s-Dick on the Foreskins for a 4th rounder in 2019. Hey, don't get me wrong, you're entitled to your opinion, even if it is stupid. ...but let's go to the video tape, just to be sure. Is it Rodgers’ “Thumb Year”? Do you remember the 35-year-old Favre breaking his right thumb (throwing thumb) during the 2004 preseason? The season started with the Packers on a losing streak of four of their first five games, then winning their next six games to go 10-6 and finally ending in a Wild Card playoff loss to the Minnesota Vikings. After 8 games, the 2004 Packers were 4-4. Rodger’s will turn 35 in December (like Favre in 2004) and has been playing on one leg since the 2nd Quarter of the 1st game (basically his preseason). More importantly it’s obvious that even though the brace is off, his knee is still bothering him. Whether it’s pain in the knee or in his head is unknown, but he’s just not playing well. AR Exhibit 1 (9:36 - 1st) 1st & 10 at GB 49, Rodgers short arms a ball to Jimmy Graham. The result of the drive was the Packers’ first FG, but the whole drive sputtered like this. If AR steps into the throw it would normally be an easy completion and maybe the drive ends in the EZ. AR Exhibit 2 (1:13 - 1st) 1st & 10 at NE 48 (Shotgun) A.Rodgers pass incomplete deep right to M.Valdes-Scantling. Wow, AR, what the hell is going on out there? Normally this is a Packers’ TD, but Rodgers just flat out underthrows the ball to MVS. So instead of 7 we punt to NE a few plays later. AR Exhibit 3 – Shoelace Penalty!! (5:51 - 1st) 2nd & Goal at NE 9 PENALTY on GB, Delay of Game, 5 yards, enforced at NE 9 - No Play. Aaaaarrrrooooon, WTF! Rodgers ties his shoes, loses track of the time and gets another 5-yard delay of game. Who knows if we could have gotten a TD, but this certainly didn’t help. So yes, interested reader from Manitowoc, the Players are at fault, but how does that fit into the overall picture? Coach, talking in the 3rd person, has invented something that he likes to call the “Yen Diagram” (yup that’s right, Coach invented Yen Diagram, any likeness to the Ven diagram is strictly coincidental). To win in the pro sports you have to have good players, good coaches and a good scheme (game plan or plan of attack). Fall short in any area and you won’t win, the other guys are always just too good. As Coach has pointed out earlier, we have drafted poorly for the last 3-5 years and one consequence is the whole poop-bag of mistakes listed above. But that still leaves the questions: Who prepares the Players? Who Develops the Scheme, Game Plan and decides who’s in the game? It took some lengthy and in-depth research, but Coach found out that it’s the Coaches who decide those things. Maybe McCarthy isn’t to blame, he has grown up as a Coach in Green Bay’s very successful Organizational Model, but that structure was changed by Packer’s President Mark Murphy in early 20218. The previous Organizational Model was implemented by Bob Harlan and the Packer Board in 1989 (see below). Since he hired Ron Wolf as GM in 1991, the team president has stayed out of the day-to-day football operation, and it's produced sustained success. It was during the 1970s and 80s when the team's executive committee -- of which the president is the head of -- meddled in football when the Packers struggled the most. Harlan’s Organizational Model very much gets all the crap out of the way and puts the responsibility on the GM to run the football operations. Ron Wolf did that successfully for several years, as did Ted Thompson up until the last few. Many teams around the league have adopted this successful model. So as Ted Thompson’s management of the team slipped over the last few years, what did Murphy do? Nothing. Nothing that is until he changed the structure of the Packers management of Football Operations and made it into a big committee reporting to him, rather than just find a GM. OK, we’re going on a bit long here and your daughter is probably banging on the bathroom door by now while your legs are falling asleep on the commode…but look at these excerpts from the GB Press Gazette in January of 2018 when Murphy announced the new Structure (GB P-G in italics below): GB Press Gazzette GREEN BAY, Wis. -- Halfway through Monday's news conference to introduce Brian Gutekunst as general manager and discuss a new power structure, Green Bay Packers president Mark Murphy caught himself. "I realize I'm not an owner," Murphy said. But he's sure acting like one now. In an unusual maneuver for the publicly-owned team, Murphy made the bold move of taking away the GM's power over the head coach and assigning it to himself. It means the three top people on the football side -- Gutekunst, salary-cap manager Russ Ball and coach Mike McCarthy -- all will report to Murphy. While it looks like a power play on Murphy's part, he insisted both in his news conference and in a side session afterward that he made the decision as a way of combating the breakdowns in communication and collaboration that occurred in the final years of Ted Thompson's tenure as GM. "What this process showed me, within football, we have silos, and we've had some breakdowns in communication," Murphy wouldn't say where the breakdowns occurred between the reclusive Thompson, the opportunistic Ball and the veteran head coach. Nor would he indict Thompson or Ball -- who have been running the personnel department. "I thought it would be very helpful for Mike McCarthy, for the head coach, to report directly to me," Murphy said. Murphy wouldn't say whether he would have made these changes had he not hired a first-time GM. "I didn't necessarily go in with the idea that I want to have this structure," Murphy said. "But I have had a sense for a couple of years that I needed to be a little more involved and I think what this process did for me was to make it clear what that exact involvement will be. I'm excited about it. I think this is going to be very positive for us moving forward." Murphy addressed the kind of problems that can be foreseeable -- such as who's authority it is to sign and draft players (it's Gutekunst's) and who can fire the coach (it's Murphy) -- but such a change in structure can also come with unintended consequences. When Murphy, during the news conference, rattled off a list of things he'll help McCarthy with, he included game-planning. So, let’s summarize for our loyal readers, Mark Murphy:
You: “So, Murphy-the-Mechanic, my car seems to have a flat tire” Murphy-the-Mechanic: “Oh sure, I can help, let’s install an new Participation Trophy on the dash-board in your car, that should help; and I’ll drive the car for you”. You: “Keep your fricking Participation Trophy, me and AR will find a real mechanic somewhere else”. Coach has outlined the "new" (and twice-proven unsuccessful in Green Bay) structure for you below. To those of you who work in the Corporate World, let’s just say that the new committee-based structure is working out exactly as you would expect. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Injury Prone Bulaga No Longer Returning Kicks GREEN BAY, WI – Phasing out one of the most famous and explosive parts of his game, Packers right tackle Bryan Bulaga told reports Wednesday that he plans to protect his body for the remainder of his career by no longer returning kicks. “I’m not in my 20s anymore, when I could return four or five kicks a game. My knees just don’t recover from the pounding as quickly as they used to, and it’s getting more difficult to stave off ProBowl pass rushers after a 30-yard punt return” said Bulaga, who has been beloved by Packers fans for his elusiveness, lightning-fast speed, and electrifying spin moves. “As you get older, you have to learn your body’s limitations, and I just can’t juke past tacklers and sprint down the sidelines like I used to. I won’t rule out returning a few punts during the playoffs if we need a spark, but after 9 years as the Packers’ return man, it’s time someone else took over.” Special Teams coordinator Ron Zook confirmed that while Bulaga intends to stay fresh by mostly focusing on blocking, he has no plans to give up his gunner duties in punting situations. Should The Miami Dolphins Change Their Crude, Offensive Nickname? WASHINGTON DC–It seems like every week there’s another controversy in the NFL. Most recently, mainstream media outlets have rightly made it a priority to suggest that it’s time for the Miami Dolphins to change their crude, offensive nickname. The word is just plain vulgar and immediately brings such a revolting image to your mind that it’s got to go. Obviously, most football fans have heard some nasty, rough talk in their day, but a word as obscene as “Dolphins” should not be brandished on national television every Sunday. It’s horribly offensive to anybody who thinks about what that term means. Parents don’t want their kids seeing that word when they’re watching football together as a family. In recent years, a softer reference to Miami’s mascot as “the ‘D’ word” has fallen into favor, but inevitably some young boy will recklessly blurt out “Dolphins” in front of his grandmother and nearly give her a heart attack. How can we justify putting that word on a jersey when we wouldn’t use it in mixed company? It’s embarrassing for the NFL and it needs to change. Have some decency for God’s sake. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof From time to time, Coach likes to give the Chicago Bears a break and shift the focus from how bad that team sucks to the core, to a more comprehensive look at the dirtbags from that shithole city, and the team’s maladroit media outlets. For example, leading up to the Bears game Sunday, the pregame show on Chicago radio station 670AM ”The Score” featured some unique insight on the divisional outlook from co-host Patrick Mannelly. Seriously, Mannelly suggested that the Sunday night matchup between Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady could be a preview of the NFC Championship game. That statement is so retarded on a number of different levels, but Coach particularly likes that he overtly implied the division-leading Bears won’t be a participant in the NFC Championship game, yet there’s a chance the AFC Patriots might be. Perfect. In other news, a coupletree nightsago Coach mentored the local troop of Webelos at our local Municipal Court where they earned their Justice Badge. Good job, fellas. They got to listen to all the excuses for speeding and rolling through stop signs by people making their pleas in front of the judge, and then we discussed which excuses were pretty good for future reference, and how some of those cited were real losers for getting caught – and we didn’t have to put up with any broads trying to butt in to our conversation, so that was nice. After about 45-minutes of people explaining, more or less, that they were remorseful for their rudimentary traffic violations, one guy stood out from the crowd. He loudly announced to the judge that he was from Chicago and that he drove all the way up to Green Bay that afternoon just so the judge would reduce his points “...like they do in Illinois.” The judge indicated to the gentleman the he would be offered the same 1-point reduction (fine reduction) as everyone else that had similar speeding offenses. The jerk was beside himself and said, “I’ll pay triple the fine if you reduce my points some more.” The judge then implied that justice doesn’t favor those who can afford to pay more. Then, as that prick was signing his paperwork, he mumbled just loud enough so the judge could hear him: “That was a long drive for 1 point” …and the judge chuckled toward him and said “I can give it back if you want!” which got everybody laughing at the self-centered FIB as he left the courtroom. Things quieted down and the next case came up (guy ticketed for loose dogs), and in the middle of his plea the judge waves his arms and stops him saying “Can you believe that guy from Illinois?” Everybody started laughing (again), including the guy with the $2,000 fine for letting his pitbulls run wild. Anyways, the point is, people from Illinois are a bunch of dicks. I’m just glad I had the opportunity to share this life lesson with the boys before they learned it later in life the hard way, paying tolls when driving on roads that fund corrupt politicians, or getting cutoff by self-absorbed jackasses driving BMW’s and using their horn instead of their blinker. The Bears, and dumbshit Illinois dickheads, suck. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Wisconsin Bowl Eligible after Boring Win Over Scarlet Knights We like boring wins in which we ramble for over 300 yards rushing and hold the opponent to under 20 points as we did on Saturday. It was also nice to have Dion and Loudermilk back on the field. However… There is cause for concern. Bucky is just not as good as expected.
Looking to Penn State, the Badgers visit Happy Valley (no, not Kaukauna) this Saturday. The specter of McSorely lighting up the secondary looms big. Sagapulo is out, but Loudermilk is back and supposedly healthy. This may help slow down any running attack, but that is not the main threat. Despite McSorely’s performance against Bucky in Indy two years ago, this is not the same Penn State team we have seen the last two years. Gone are the offensive coordinator, Saquon Barkley, and TE Mike Gesicki. Though a 3-way tie for the Big Ten West is unlikely, beating Ped State moves the Badgers up the bowl ladder to the Also-Ran Bowls (AKA the Outback and Citrus Bowls). It looks likely Coan will be the starting QB and that is probably the best choice regardless of Hornibrook’s status. We pounded the ball with success and can hopefully do so again in Happy Valley, although the PSU D is more like the NW D, so we do not have our hopes up for the same running success this week. Given Ped State’s league-leading pass rush, this may not have been the best matchup for Hornibrook despite the possible return of starting LT Van Lanen. Though Jack Coan is far more mobile, he is not to the point yet where he is seeing the field. He is still throwing mainly to primary receivers and not at all getting through progressions. He missed several wide open receivers last Saturday, for a team that hasn’t had many wide open receivers. A physical running game coupled with Ped State’s difficulty in stopping the run is our best chance of neutralizing their pass rush. Paul Chryst may far surpass his Fat Mike-like easily anticipated play-calling this week. Expect multiple 3rd down draw plays to Groshek and one or two punts from the Penn State 45 yard line. When was the last time you saw a new look on offense from Fat Mike or Predictable Paul? This game is there for the taking if State Penn continues to drop passes, we win the turnover battle and are able to minimize bone-headed plays. You heard it here first, Bucky takes care of business at Penn State--Badgers 23, Nittany Lions 21. So let's go hit the road! We’re Gonna Kick You’re A$$ – Predictions for the upcoming game The Finns are 5-4 overall, but they are not a good road team (sound familiar?). They are 1-3 on the road and have lost 27.0-20.5 on average. On our side the Pack haven't lost a game at home, even if the wins(tie) have not been pretty; we’ve averaged a 13 point win at home (29.8 to 16.8). By the transitive property, Coach thereby observes should win by about 10 points (a 28.4 to 18.6 win)! Sweet. It is interesting how Vegas uses this kind of data, the line on the game is 9.5 pts, almost exactly the difference if you look at the Pack’s home wins vs. the Fins road losses, and, with the Over/Under at 47.5, that’s almost exactly what you’d expect. The Packers are 3-5 against-the-spread so far this year, and Vegas usually gets these things right over the whole season, so look for the Pack to cover the spread. Oh, and if we can get out of our own way and run the ball, we should have a great day. At 4.8 yards per rushing attempt, we are ranked No. 5 overall, unfortunately we are ranked No. 28 in rushing attempts/game. Here’s hoping that the sphincter doesn’t break when Melissa McCarthy gets his noggin removed from his posterior. But the main reason we’re gonna win is that it’s a great Alumni weekend! First of all Ryan Grant is back! (Again, sweet.) Secondly, Jurko is back!! (Salty.) If Jurko wasn’t hurt in the 1st Qtr of the 1995 NFC Championship Game in Dallas, we would have gone to the Super Bowl that year, too. Coach knows this is true cuz Jurko told me that in Kam’s Bar before Packers kicked the Bears asses 34-21 in a MNF game at the U of I’s Champaign Memorial Stadium in 2002. Third, and most importantly, the son of the 1985 Packers Safety, Kenny Stills, is playing WR for the Fins. In a Miami radio station interview this week Ken acknowledged that his dad is still a Packer fan and regularly told him that the Bears Still Suck. The clip below is a shot of Kenny Stills welcoming the Bears fullback to Lambeau Field on Nov 3rd, 1985. In a valiant “let’s start turning this season around” performance, the Packers finally are healed of their 2018 rectal-cranial-inversion….this one’s gonna be fun: JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them I bet you thought this week’s JB was going to be about Ryan Grant, because we already saluted John Jurkovic many moons ago. Wrong again, grasshopper. This week we show our foe some disrespect by noting that former Packers Tight End Marv Fleming won all 5 championship games that he played in when he was a Packer (3 NFL Championships, plus SB’s Uno y Dos), but only won 2 of 3 Super Bowls that he played in when he was a Dolphin. Ha ha! Packers rule! Dolphins can suck it! But this story is more about Marv than the teams he played on. Marv “Flemball” Fleming was drafted by Lombardi in the 11th round in 1963. He had no backup for 5 of his 7 years as a Packer, which is surprising because he infamously had hands of stone while in Green Bay. Then, when he went to Miami, his hands became glue. Coach thinks Marv’s catching performance improvement was likely due to his upbringing in sunny, beautiful Compton, California, and then being in the similarly warm and beautiful inner city of Miami.
Some cool stuff about Marv:
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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