Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Wisconsinites can handle a shitty Packers season… When Coach lived in California, the plethora of morons out there would say that people from Wisconsin follow the Packers so closely because “there is nothing else to do ‘back there’.” Well, despite what people from California think, there is PLENTY of things to do in Wisconsin besides follow the Packers. In fact, I wish the Packers played only when lake ice is melting because that’s about the only week or two each year that I have open. Starting with the present, there’s… • Bow hunting (bear / deer) starts
At some point Erin Rodgers will be replaced by Jordan Love. There will probably be some growing pains to ride out, as there were with Rodgers, and with Favre, and even with Bart Starr (I imagine), but we can handle it. We’ve got plenty of other great things to keep our attention in Wisconsin (Mrs. Coach would say too many – and, you guessed it, she’s from California) besides the Packers. But, still, they better F’ing win anyway! …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Awww right … we finally won in SF!! Wait what, I thought we won there last year(?) … Yes, we got the W, but much like Robin Yount diving for a routine fly ball in the 9th inning with 2 outs to preserve Juan Nieves’ no-hitter in 1987, we made the W look much more difficult than it was. After controlling and leading the entire game, we let SF score with 0:37 left in the 4th to go up 28-27. As you already know, two AR to DA passes got Mason in range to kick a 51-yard walk-off. But what you may not know is how we led for the entire game … simply put, a lot of little stuff. With Eglington Jenkins out at Left Tackle, that left us with 4 OL who had never played in a true road game and Yosh Nijman making his first ever start (just a handful of real game snaps previously). Yosh played a nice game, but he was also helped by his friends. On A-Jones TD just before the Half, WR Alan Lazard (#13) blocks down on all-pro Nick Bozo and seals the edge allowing the score. Not to be outdone, a little later in the game Bobby Tunyen does an ear-hole job on Nick Bozo and puts him on his ass. This, dear readers, is exactly the kind of football we like! Coach, you’re saying that we controlled the game but almost lost? Yes Jimmy, that’s true. OK, we got jobbed by the Ref’s several times in this game, but we did win… It’s hard not to feel like we get more than our fair share of bad calls … ya know? (Please ignore John Runyan Jr.’s blatant holding that wasn’t called on the critical completion with 37 seconds left in game, I’m trying to make a point here.) We were up 17-0 late in the 2nd Qtr when Jimmy G spiked the ball to avoid a sack. Maybe SF would have scored anyway, we’ll never know, but leaving the ball on the goal-line for them was inexcusable. Apparently, Coach Matt LF didn’t seem to agree with the call… But how did SF get in that position? Aaron Jones scored with 1:02 left in the 2nd Qtr to put us up 17-0. No problem! Right? Let’s grind down the clock and end the half! Right? Fat chance. The historical record reveals that God’s Chosen might have completely overshot Israel if the Packers were providing Kick-Coverage for Pharaoh. Take a look at this a few times … SF did nothing special at all, this is 100% a case of us not being disciplined in our lane coverage on the kick. Absolutely disgusting and putrid. If we did our job on the kick coverage the Niner’s would not have been in position to threaten the goal line, let alone score a TD before half. But there is another point to make on this KO return. Yeah, he is on a streak of a hundred-and-billion-ninety kicks in a row or something like that ... but look at the angle he takes on making the tackle. Crosby corners the runner along the sideline and then times his tackle perfectly. So maybe there’s hope for Special Teams? Yes, there is hope…. SF had just gone ahead 28-27 with 37 seconds left in the game. On the ensuing kick-off, SF kicked it out of the EZ, not running any time off the clock. In SF this week the fans and media have gone crazy, questioning the clock management … When asked why they kicked out of the EZ, the Niners Special Teams Coordinator cited Kylin Hill’s 50 yard run back against the Lions last week. That’s right kids … the Niners were afraid of our return game … a sign of good times ahead. (That was a yummie sip of Kool-Aide.) WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up New Study Proves Referees Are Totally Biased Against Your Team CAMBRIDGE, MA—Sports researchers at Harvard have proven that the officials are totally biased against your favorite teams. Their report, entitled the Referee Equity and Fairness (REF) study, will be published next month in Sports Illustrated. Dr. James Arnot, the lead researcher on the study for more than two decades, said the results were hardly surprising. “We always suspected the refs were against you, but now we have empirical evidence to back up our hypothesis,” he noted. “The REF study proves that the referees, umpires, judges, and other officials at all levels of sport are most definitely always biased against your favorite teams.” The study, which was the first of its kind, looked at thousands of sporting events since the year 2000. Researchers interviewed hundreds of players, coaches, and fans of all teams involved and asked them to rate the fairness of the officials on anonymous surveys. “We found strong evidence of referee bias against your teams in every single survey,” Arnot noted. “This was true at every level, from pee-wee to the pros, and even at the Olympics. Whichever teams you were rooting for, the refs were definitely against them. Honestly, we’re not sure why nobody picked up on this before.” Arnot also said referee bias is almost certainly the reason why your team didn’t make the playoffs last year, and why your fantasy team is doing so poorly. Now that the REF study is concluded, Arnot said researchers will turn their attention to figuring out whether the broadcasters calling the game on TV are actively rooting against your favorite teams as well. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof What happened to every Chicago Bears QB drafted in the first round? CHICAGO—The Chicago Bears just don’t have a great track record when it comes to quarterbacks. It is that one position they just can’t solve throughout their team’s history. Time will tell if this year’s attempt, Justin Field, is any good, but Bears fans would be wise to not hold their breath. Here is a rundown of what has happened to every Bears quarterback taken in the first round in Chicago history. 1. Sid Luckman, 1939 Luckman went No. 2 overall to the Bears. The former Columbia product was a five-time All-Pro and NFL MVP. Luckman led Chicago to four NFL Championships and was the passing champ in 1943, 1945, and 1946. He was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1965. Things went downhill for the Bears from there. (Note: Coach sat in Luckman’s in the 4th row 50-yd line seats at Soldiers Fields in 1997 after the Packers won the Super Bowl, right behind the Packers bench – awesome.) 2. Frankie Albert, 1941 While the Bears had Luckman, they drafted Albert from Stanford. However, the United States would enter World War II by December of ’41, and Albert spent the war serving in the Navy. When he got out in 1946, he landed with the San Francisco 49ers and was Y.A. Tittle’s predecessor. 3. Johnny Lujack, 1946 Lujack effectively took over as the Bears’ quarterback in 1949, and he had a short, journeyman-effectiveness career. The Bears never played in an NFL Championship Game while Lujack was the starting quarterback. 4. Bobby Layne, 1948 Layne didn’t want to play for the Pittsburgh Steelers, who had the No. 3 overall pick. George Halas was able to convince Layne to play for Chicago. The eventual Hall-of-Famer was in the Windy City for only one season as he was the third-stringer behind Luckman and Lujack. Layne tried to go to the Green Bay Packers, but Halas traded him instead to the New York Bulldogs in 1949. Layne would end up with the Detroit Lions from 1950-58 before a midseason trade to the Steelers, where he would play for the very club he didn’t want to be with originally. 5. Bob Williams, 1951 Williams was a star out of Notre Dame and Chicago drafted him with the No. 2 overall pick. In his rookie year, Williams did not start at quarterback and went 14-of-33 for 146 yards and a touchdown while the Bears went 7-5. In 1952, Williams compiled a 3-4 record as Chicago again failed to compete for the championship with a 5-7 record. Williams’ last season was 1955 where he didn’t start and Chicago went 8-4 with no championship game appearance. 6. Jim McMahon, 1982 Chicago took the BYU quarterback with the No. 5 overall pick. Benefitting from a dominant Defense in 1985, McMahon started in the Super Bowl that they won that season. He never started more than nine games in Chicago after injuring his rotator cuff the following year, and his career there ended in the 1989 offseason after a falling out with coach Mike Ditka and ownership. McMahon’s final two seasons were as Brett Favre’s backup with the Packers, winning a second Super Bowl ring after the 1996 season. 7. Jim Harbaugh, 1987 The Bears drafted Harbaugh with the No. 26 overall pick. When Chicago offloaded McMahon in 1989, Harbaugh went 1-4 as Mike Tomczak took the majority of the starts. In 1991, Harbaugh produced an 11-4 record, but Chicago lost at home in the wild-card round to the Dallas Cowboys. The Bears started falling apart in the last year of Dikta and the first year of Dave Wannstedt, which led to Harbaugh signing with the Indianapolis Colts in 1994 free agency. The following year Harbaugh led the Colts to the AFC Championship Game, and a follow up wild-card appearance the year after. 8. Cade McNown, 1999 Chicago drafted McNown with the No. 12 overall pick from UCLA. McNown went 3-12 over his solitary two seasons with the Bears, producing a 16-19 touchdown to interception ratio. Chicago traded McNown to the Miami Dolphins in 2001, but they never started him in a game. 9. Rex Grossman, 2003 The No. 22 overall pick from Florida was limited to seven starts through his first three seasons. In 2006, Grossman was along for the ride as the Bears defense and returner Devin Hester led the Bears to a 13-3 record and the No. 1 seed in the NFC. Chicago lost to the Colts in Super Bowl XLI. Grossman started eight games over the next two years for Chicago before signing as a backup to Matt Schaub with the Houston Texans in 2009. 10. Mitchell Trubisky, 2017 It’s not Trubisky’s fault the Bears traded up 4 years ago from the number 3 pick in the draft to the number 2 pick and selected this one-season starter at North Carolina instead of Patrick Mahomes or Deshaun Watson. Trubisky fell into an NFC North title in 2018 when Packers incompetent head coach Mike McCarty and diva QB Aaron Rodgers had an infamous falling out amidst the support of a Defense that couldn’t stop a wall. The Bears lost at home in the 1st round of the playoffs that year and Trubisky is now Josh Allen’s backup with the Buffalo Bills. Yes, that last 1st round QB selection was only 4-years ago. So why did they feel the need to move up in the draft again to take another QB in the 1st round this year? Well, because the Bears still suck. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Battle of the Over-Rated’s We haven’t seen Graham Mertz throw this many TD’s since his 1st start against Illinois, except this time they were to the opposing team. We yearn for the days of Curt Phillips. Does Danny O’Brien have any eligibility left? Pinning this loss entirely on Mertz would be unfair. Working through your progressions isn’t easy when the pocket collapses play after play and the running game gets blown up all day. Play calling didn’t exactly put Mertz in a position to win. The sideline shot of a slack-jawed Paul Chryst is losing it’s charm. Over and over again we saw the same exact play on the same down and distance, time after time – it was only a matter of time until Notre Dame jumped the routes. Badgers fans have been clamoring for matchups like Wisconsin vs. Notre Dame for years and when we finally get it, we put the bed-shitters on display. Wisconsin football has turned into Nebraska. :-( We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The Steelers are coming in at 1-2 and look like a wounded animal. Mind you, not quite like the wounded Lions were. BTW – the Lions are now categorically the best 0-3 team in the league. They will prove the Bears to be the worst 1-3 team in the League come Sunday. Now you are edified, carry on with your day. So, back to the Stillers... They are averaging 16.7 points per game on Offense, and they too have had an offseason QB controversy. After intense scrutiny Big Ben admitted that he has focused his off-season work on imitating Will Ferrell and hopes that he can be a stand-in on Saturday Night Live. At press time it was unclear if Ben was aware that Ferrell left SNL in 2002. Isn’t it strange that 20 years ago on SNL, Will Ferrell looked like the age he is now? And today, just like Coach, he pretty much looks the same as he did 20 years ago. SNL has sucked ever since he left, but I digress… On Defense they are giving up 22 points/game and they have a number of injuries. Yes, he should have been here instead of trading back and picking Kevin King in the 2017 draft … no point in going there … maybe we’ll have him for a year or two at the end of his career. No matter, we are going to win this weekend because the team has progressively gotten better every week and that trend will continue. *If you don’t understand the reference, then you are not truly a Packer fan. Go back and study SB XLV and call Coach in the morning to see if you will be allowed back into the fan-base. The Packers are gonna win for a lot of reasons, but an important one is the improvement of the Defensive Line. Kenny Clark will easily repeat his 82 snaps from last week (say whah?), and Keke Kingsbury hopefully will never see the field again… The only new UDFA to make this years’ team was DL Jack Heflin. He had his first 4 snaps in the NFL on Special Teams last week … and Coach guarantees that he will play more than a handful of snaps on D this week. Described as a “trashcan full of dirt” by an NLF scout, Jack Dirt is gonna make a few tremendous plays on D this week and be a difference maker in the win! Book it Danno … Pack by 14. Packers 31 Steelers 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Above Coach mentioned the Bears have drafted a total of 11 quarterbacks in their century-plus of football, so that got me wondering if the Packers have drafted that many as well. Nope ... only 7. On average, the Packers draft a QB in the 1st round approximately every 15 years, whereas the Bears do it approximately every 9. So who’d we take? Vito “Babe” Parilli has been the subject of Coach’s references in numerous prior episodes, so no need to regurgitate that here. Randy Duncan never even played for Green Bay, despite being the #1 overall draft pick in 1959. Duncan went to Canada to play for the British Columbia Lions, who paid more money than what Green Bay was willing to dole out. Rich Campbell has been the subject of a prior JB article, so feel free to look up Coach Clarahanson archives if he strikes your fancy. So that leaves us with Jerry Tagge or Don Horn. Hmmmm … Horn or Tagge? … Tagge or Horn? …Well, since Tagge played NFL football ONLY for the Packers, and he’s FROM GREEN BAY, I guess he gets the nod. As a teenager in the mid-1960s, Tagge sold concessions at Lambeau Field during Packers games, then coached by Vince Lombardi. He graduated from Green Bay West High School in 1968, and went on to play QB for the Nebraska Cornhuskers where he led them to consecutive national championships in 1970 and 1971. It’s safe to say that was Jerry Tagge’s high water mark. In the NFL, Jerry Tagge was bad. Real bad. So bad that after 3 years with the Packers the team was willing to mortgage their future (a.k.a. the rest of the 1970s) to replace him... Halfway through the 1974 season, after announcing that veteran QB Jack Concannon, Tagge's backup, would start the upcoming Sunday against the Lions in Detroit, head coach Dan Devine obtained veteran John Hadl from the Los Angeles Rams for five – count ’em, FIVE draft choices and waived the Packers' other quarterback, Dean Carlson. Hadl, 34, and in his 13th season of pro ball, was expensive. To get him, the Packers gave up 1st, 2nd and 3rd round choices in the next draft, and a 1st and 2nd choice in 1976. ...which basically was the 2nd worst trade in history, behind Minnesota giving 5 players and 6 draft picks to Dallas for Herschel Walker (including Jesse Solomon, Isiac Holt, Emmitt Smith, Russell Maryland, Kevin Smith, and Darren Woodson.). But I digress… Jerry Tagge didn’t start any games his 1972 rookie season (not a sin), but did play in four games. The following 2 years, he was the starter at the beginning of each season and played in about half of the games. Those were some lean years…(Ready?): Three TD’s and 17 picks. Ouch. Tagge’s 18-game career 50-years ago was roughly the extent of playing 1 current NFL season, and his QB rating over that “season” was a measly 44.2. Imagine how bad that is. Thank God we’re not Bears fans that have to live through it on a regular basis. The good news? Granddaughter Shelby Tagge is a “dancer” that has become somewhat popular in small venues with cozy seating and shiny poles. Alas, more bad news for the Tagge’s in recent days, though…
Deputies and paramedics responded to a 911 call last Saturday after a dancer at a South Florida adult entertainment club fell from a 12-foot pole, the Fort Lauderdale Herald-Times reported. Broward County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson Velma Doleman-White told the Herald-Times that the caller said the injury occurred about two hours before the 911 call. The woman, identified as Shelby Tagge, was taken to an area hospital with non-life-threatening injuries to her neck, pelvis and anus, although it was unclear if those injuries were related to the fall. I guess the acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree. Good luck, Jerry.
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: The annual free concert at Lambeau might be the best venue on earth… …whether you prefer Country or Western music, we all can agree that a free concert at Lambeau is a pretty good thing. And if you happen to get July-like weather in late September the day before the 1st home game of the season for this concert, that’s pretty awesome, too. Now, consider that the fine folks in Green Bay also throw in free parking at the stadium, with tailgating encouraged (of course), and carry-ins to the concert are totally allowed … well shit, brother, that’s just amazing stuff you can’t find anywhere else in what is left of America. At the risk of sounding braggadocious, Coach was fortunate enough again to find himself a row or two from the front of the stage for this year’s act, Jake Owen. Although almost everyone around me seemingly had a cooler full of beer in tow, Jake was kind enough to reach into his own cooler up on stage and occasionally toss out cans of cold beer to the crowd, too! That was awesome. About 5-ft to my left, a man proposed to a woman in between songs, and that took the crowd by storm. Jake had the newly engaged couple immediately come up on stage and he ad-libbed some words to his song on the fly to customize it just for them. Later on, he pulled a little kid up on stage that was holding a cancer-research fundraising poster, and had the parent take a photo the two of them. Also memorable, Jake drew the crowd’s attention to a little girl sitting on her daddy’s shoulders throughout the show, and pointed out that she was wearing an American flag decorated hat – everyone cheered as if Gilbert Brown just sacked a QB. So, yeah, even though I am not what you’d call a Country Music aficionado, or what you’d call a fan of Mark Murphy, Coach left that gig thinking it was about the best entertainment event anyone could possibly have for free. I calls ’em as I sees ’em: Nice job on this one, Murph …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme OK, we came back in the 2nd half and beat a mediocre Lions team, and for sure 1-1 is way better than 0-2 … but did they pass the eye test for you? Hmmm, didn’t think so. Watching the Packers get pushed all around the yard on Defense does not inspire confidence in the Team. As the 1st Half ended, Coach and his band of merry men debated booing the Pack off of the field … alas, in the end we sat silently, which is what the other 77,000 in attendance decided to do. This was very bizarre for Coach, usually there are hearty cheers at the end of the Half at Lambeau and naturally booing on occasion when warranted. But never, ever has Coach seen the crowd just sit in silence. The lack of reaction reflected the mood: “…really, ‘Last Dance’? Forget dancing and prancing, this Team is going nowhere fast.” Sure, there were highlights, none better than Aaron Jones going off for 4 TDs. Even more encouraging, the Defense showed signs of a pulse in the 2nd Half, including this 4th down pass break-up by Rookie 1st Round Pick, Eric Stokes (below). …and other than 1 big mistake that gave up a TD (playing man on crossing route, when the rest of the D was in zone), he actually scored out very well across the entire game. While the signs of life are great, they only came after LaFleur ripped D Coordinator BeriBeri a new one at half-time. LaFleur ordered BeriBeri to dial up the pressure on Goff and Preston Smith delivered. But let’s be honest with ourselves kids, Borky is the team MVP so far… Borky has punted seven times this year including three times in the Lions game. Each one of his punts has helped the team. Even his “bad” punt (his first against the Lions), the one that didn’t look too pretty, was a net 46 yards as it went O.B. for no return. Have another look at the chart, his last two punts landed on the Lions’ 9-yard line. This guy is going to single-handedly save at least 2 wins this year. Add-in Kylin Hill’s 41-yard kick-off return that setup the Packers’ 2nd TD, and maybe, just maybe, Special Teams are starting to turn the corner. Fingers crossed… WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL Clarifies That The Entire League Isn't Gay, Just The San Francisco 49ers NEW YORK CITY, NY—After generating buzz over their "football is gay" marketing campaign, the NFL has clarified that they weren't really talking about all of football or the entire league being gay, they were just talking about the San Francisco 49ers. "Yeah, we're sorry about that," said an apologetic Roger Goodell to reporters. "I suppose we should have been more precise in the language we used. I take full responsibility for the confusion and vow to do better in the future. But yeah-- the 49ers are totally gay." Californians were quick to brag on the announcement that an entire football team from their liberal state has finally chosen to come out of the closet. "I mean, we always knew, but it takes courage to come out and this is an exciting step for progress in equality and acceptance," said Goodell. "We hope that over time, all the other gay teams will come out of the closet as well." "Or at least Aaron Rodgers. I mean come on, man!" The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof It's funny, because it's true... Here are the actual September 23 rankings of the NFL's top 10 backup quarterbacks in 2021; not by me, of course (why TF would I rank backup quarterbacks?), but by NFL insider Nick Shook of NFL.com (some cache there). And remember, the Bears traded UP to #11 in this year's draft to select Justin Field... Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground NCAA Investigating God For Giving Gifts To Athletes The Underground has been following a booster scandal that many are already calling the most damaging in the history of collegiate sports. The NCAA announced Tuesday that it has launched an investigation into God, Divine Creator of Heaven and Earth, for allegedly giving gifts to Notre Dame student-athletes. Reports indicated that over the past several decades, the Almighty has provided numerous players from the University of Notre Dame football program with an abundance of unwarranted media and referee favoritism, and questionable wealth following their departure from the school. Both the university and the players themselves are now said to be facing heavy sanctions and punishments. “We take these allegations incredibly seriously and are doing everything in our power to determine the precise nature of God’s relationship with these college athletes,” said NCAA president Mark Emmert. “There is mounting evidence that the Lord—in blatant violation of NCAA rules and regulations—bestowed upon these players special gifts and innate abilities that student-athletes at other universities never received.” We reached out to God for comment regarding these allegations late this week as he was purportedly preparing to attend the Ryder Cup, but he did not respond to our texts and his voice-mail box was full. We will continue to bring you developments on this story as they become available. ADVERTISEMENT We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game We are going to go out to Corduroy Field and have, well … (a field day?) What Coach? But all the talking heads say we get killed there all of the time, how can we possibly win? For starters, it’s unlikely we will have to face Rookie QB Trey Wichita. We will also be hitting them with heavy doses of Quadzilla, maybe some Kylin and probably even Erin Rodgers will play the LaFleur offense and throw the ball to MVS & Lazard (watch for both to have breakout games, they have 5 catches total between them so far). While all of those are important factors, the two most important reasons are: Number 1: Dating back to 2015, the Niners and Packers have played 5 times. Four times in SF and once in GB. If you listen to all the talking heads, you would think we have been beaten by 30 points every time. ACTUAL RESULTS? WE HAVE WON 3 OUT OF THE LAST 5 GAMES! Go look it up… Number 2: Let’s face it, through two games the Defense is colossally terrible. Yes, they played better in the 2nd-Half after Peter LaFleur told defensive coordinator Joe Barry to either play coverage or get after the quarterback because playing man and sending just four in the first half wasn't creating any pressure. Maybe it helped, but two of the Lions’ 2nd half drives ended because they were backed-up on penalties, one was an unforced Goff fumble and one they went for a pass on 4th and 1 that the Rook broke-up. But that’s not the point! The point is that Coach LaFleur absolutely tore the stupendously incompetent Coach BeriBeri a new one … ...which makes this Coach optimistic about a firing in the near future! The Niners are favored by 3 at home … but pay no attention Boys & Girls … we gonna win and SHOCK DA WORLD! Packers 27 49ers 21 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them So this year the Packers will don their “new” 1950’s unis. Although Coach isn’t really all that big on the throwbacks, I kinda dig these Kelly green jerseys with the gold stripes. As you might have heard, the early 1950s were not a particularly successful time for the Packers on the field. It was, however, the dawn of an extraordinarily eventful decade OFF the field, with the Packers organization at a turning point between Lambeau and Lombardi, and a franchise-saving stock sale that helped lay the groundwork for the eventual construction of Lambeau Field, which in turn set up the team to stay in Green Bay through modern times. Early in that decade, Gene Ronzani was the head coach and the Packers usually lost twice as many games as they won. You probably wouldn’t recognize the names of most of the starters during those years, much less the 2nd stringers. But there was a band of backups who will forever live infamously in Packers lore for their off the field shenanigans… Opening day of deer season in 1953 was November 21, with a Packers game against the San Francisco 49ers the following morning in Milwaukee. Eight reserve players on the Packers squad accepted an offer to use a friend’s deer camp 20 short miles northeast of Green Bay. After a not-so-productive daytime hunt, that evening got pretty wild with heavy drinking, high stakes gambling, cow tipping, and a drive to the local gentlemen’s club to see the sexiest ladies in Euren. They met the madam, Kathy Tuer, who (they later bragged) gave them “…several fine Euren specimens.” The Euren 8 consisted of Peter Seaping, Yuri Nari, Harry Pisseur, Stacey Rect, Rod Stream, Dick Dribble, Willy Shakes, and Billy Rubin. Those guys did not see any playing time against the 49ers the next day. After a brothel shower in Euren, they headed down Highway 42 and barely made it to County Stadium in time for the noon kickoff. Reeking of alcohol that Sunday morning, Ronzani kept them all on the bench and the Packers lost 37-7. As performance of each of the “8” waned in subsequent games and into the next season, guys got cut and the gang eventually disbanded. So this week we raise our glass to posthumously salute a motley crew who often followed their Euren trips with a shit performance. To Euren 8!!
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Rodgers is what we thought he was… Is he tanking? No. Don’t be ridiculous (or that stupid). Conspiracy theorists, get a life. Has he lost a step? Probably. He is not as elusive as he once was, and he is more apt to be sacked because of it. …and don’t be too impressed by his ability to throw a football into a net at the Don Hutson Center. You’d be surprised how many guys can consistently throw a football into a small target 60 yards away (I know for a fact TJ Rubley still can, Joel Stave, too), but hardly any can do it while being chased by fast, 300-pound men (including Rodgers). Jordan Love can drop it in on the run, but not as consistently as 4 or 5 other guys in the NFL right now. Did Ass-Rod’s lack of participation in OTA’s and mandatory mini-camp affect his play, and the play of those around him? Probably. I know I can’t prove that, but you can’t prove me wrong either. And, let’s face it, Coach has been 100% accurate on stuff like this (unfortunately) since Al Gore invented the Interweb. So what does that make Erin Rodgers? As far as I can tell, sifting through mounds of data, interviews and video footage, Rodgers is, as Ron Wolf so eloquently put it, a diva. A prima donna entering a mid-life crisis as a desperate, insecure celebrity, just like Silvio told us about… Pardon the double negative, but Rodgers can’t stand not being the center of attention. If he was truly finding wisdom in silence, then why was he posting photos of himself in Hawaii and wearing an “I’m Offended” t-shirt during a promotional interview … for a televised celebrity foursome golf match!? Yep, he’s a dandy. He’s a real fancy boy. But he’s only in his element when everyone loves him, and now they don’t. Apologies to the greatest quarterback ever and alien from another planet, Tom Brady, but as those of us human beings hovering at (or on north side of) 40 know – you can’t hold time hostage and bounce back year after year at the top of your game, and now Ass-Rod’s clever(?), “beautiful mystery” strategy has backfired into the Summer of Love by his own hand. He can’t undo that, and football is only going to get easier and more productive for Love while just the opposite occurs for Rodgers. In late January, Rodgers proved to us all that he was no longer a match for the poise of Tom Brady on the gridiron (even at 7 years Brady’s younger) … and that drove Erin CRAZY. So what did he do? He took his ball and went home. Then, jumping the shark, he dragged Brady onto his turf, a golf course, where Rodgers could publicly display more skill (I didn’t watch, but he got the attention he wanted). It’s a good thing Rodgers has a 12 on his jersey because he needs both digits. When he’s not called #1, he plays like #2. Now, if you want to crown him, then crown his ass, but he is who we thought he was. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Erin Rodgers’ 36.8 passer rating was the fourth worst of his career in 191 regular-season games as a starter. As has been widely reported, Rodgers and LaFleur anticipated that the Saints would blitz heavily, just like in last year’s game. LaFleur and Rodgers, like many generals who fail in battle, planned to fight the last war, and did not anticipate what was in front of them. {See also: “French prepare for WWII by building the Maginot Line”; see further: “Germans ignore Maginot Line and drive around it by going through Belgium.”} When the Saints rushed 4 and dropped 7 into coverage, we didn’t adapt. LaFleur and Rodgers, like many generals who fail in battle, did not change the plan. “Plan, plan, plan; but no plan survives first contact with the enemy.” {As frequently referenced by Coach, see also: Von Clausewitz, “Vom Kriege”, 1832} Instead, Erin resorted to his typical fallback plan, the Melissa McCarthy Offense. Step back, run around, pat the ball, and hope somebody gets open. The airwaves have been filled this week with lamentations of “Erin quit” and “watch out Lions, Erin has never lost 2 in a row under LaFleur”, but Coach firmly disagrees:
Not only did he not quit (damn, another double negative!), he tried too hard! Erin R is a narcissist who doesn’t trust anyone but himself and as a result he loses the games that really count by trying to do it all himself. The LaFleur offense has a run/pass option on virtually every play, so one can only conclude that Rodgers was the one deciding not to run the ball. He pulled the same crap during the 2019 Season and in the 2020 NFC Championship Game. Last January he wouldn’t hand off to AJ Dillion and ditto, same-ole’-shit against the Saints (Dillion had 3 carries @ 5.7 yds/carry in NFC Championship and 4 carries @ 4.8 yds/carry in Saints game). The only exception during the 2019 Season was when Devante Adams was hurt and out for 4 games and Erin was forced to play the LaFleur Offense (see previous episodes of The Show!!!; there was a 9 pt/gm Offensive improvement in 2019 with Adams out of the lineup when Erin was forced to play the LaFleur Offense). Michael Jordan weighs in … Coach asked MJ this week what he thought of the Packers opener in Jacksonville: “Last Dance? Last Dance? Are you f’ng joking? Last Prance maybe, yeah it’s probably the Last Prance for that poser.” Coach tried to reach Erin for comment, but his agent said he was unavailable while practicing for other engagements. According to Erin’s agent, fans should R-E-L-A-X! ...Erin Rodgers will be fully ready for the 2021 Vaudeville Season. And who exactly is the Defensive Coordinator? Halle Berry? Chuck Berry? BeriBeri? Yes, with the help of crack physicians over at Google Doc’s, Coach has determined that our new Defensive Coordinator is BeriBeri, whose symptoms include:
The Defense was completely confused all day and appeared to have significant loss of ambulation. You can see Chandon Sullivan pointing to (?? Nobody ??) to pick up Chris Hogan on this TD. The D was out of place and anything but coordinated all game long. Last week Coach detailed how bad DC BeriBeri’s Defenses were in Detroit and Washington … and now we are tied with the Nashville Oilers for 30th in Def Points Allowed. “I’m really proud of my scars. I really am,” BeriBeri said shortly after he was hired. “I think in life, you’re hardened in life by tough experiences. Now don’t get me wrong, I think you can learn a lot from having success and being in a good place. But I think when true growth takes place, I think it’s when things are really, really hard.” While Coach agrees with the sentiment, it doesn’t appear that he learned any lessons from having his ass previously kicked as DC. BeriBeri may be very “energetic”, but that has not translated into good Defense. We are only one game into the 2021 season, but this looks to be a repeat of the Bob Slowik debacle in 2004. “Fire BeriBeri” is Coach’s mantra until BeriBeri can prove he is capable of something better then atrocious defensive football. Was it all bad Coach? No… It turns out that Elgton Jenkins is one of the best defenders on the team. He not only graded out as the 2nd best offensive Left Tackle in the entire NFL for Week 1, he also made defensive tackles on both of Erin’s interceptions! In fact, Jenkins had more solo tackles than defensive STARTERS Za'Darius Smith, Tyler Lancaster, Darnell Savage and, of course, Kevin King. On both tackles Jenkins took good angles to corner faster DB’s, he fought through blocks, and he made great open field stops. If BeriBeri isn’t any better by Week 3, Coach thinks Elgton should take over … well at least he should be teaching tackling. Other Good Things Rookie Class – good news / bad news Rookies played 167 snaps against the Saints and did very well overall, 7th most for any team on the opening weekend and more than double last year’s season average of 73 across the NFL. The good news? The early indications are that the 2021 Draft Class is going to have several contributors. The bad news? Heed Sean Jones’ warning … you lose one game for every rookie you start! The best news? Borky!! Punter Craig Hentrich was a real weapon as a member of the Packers’ ’96 Super Bowl team, and Ron Wolf often lamented that one of his biggest mistakes as GM was letting Hentrich get away (Wolf didn’t want to be the first GM in the NFL to award a $1 million contract for a kicker). We have struggled with punting ever since, but Coach is hopeful that have just signed the best punter since Hentrich. Lost in the Massacre-in-Jacksonville is how well Borky punted. Every one of his punts landed around the 20-yard line, whether he was 59 yards away or 32 yards away. Only one of his punts was returned, but even that one was a net 43 yards. He also had no problems holding on the only FG attempted by Crosby. Early days with Borky to be sure, but here’s hoping one piece of the Special Teams puzzle is solved… stay tuned! WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up ‘We’re So Screwed,’ Says Detroit Fan After Seeing Lions Scheduled to Play More Teams this Year DETROIT—Dashing any hope he had for the upcoming season, Lions fan Paul Benson told reporters Thursday that Detroit was “so screwed” after seeing they got matched up against other teams again. Following a 41-33 drubbing by the San Francisco 49ers at Ford Field, Benson said “Ah, shit, this season is gonna suck,” upon realizing that the Lions would face other NFL teams multiple weeks in a row, decrying how unfair it was they had to repeatedly go head-to-head with professional football franchises. “It’s back-to-back-to-back-to-back games, and for half of them, we have to go play in a whole different city. What the hell? In the first four weeks, we play teams that have won the Super Bowl. The NFL is always fucking screwing us like this—it’s bullshit!” At press time, Benson told reporters that he was looking forward to the bye week. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Naked Drive-thru Order Gets Bears Coach Nabbed CHICAGO—A Wendy's drive-thru worker called police after current Chicago Bears head coach Matt Nagy allegedly pulled his SUV up to the window and placed an order in the nude, the Chicago Sun Times reported. The worker, who took down Nagy's license plate number, told Douglas Park, Illinois, officers after the late-night incident on Aug. 24 that the suspect "was kind of obscene, I mean, being naked and smacking the heal of his hand to his forehead at the drive-thru?" Nagy awoke in the driver’s seat of his SUV, blue and red lights bouncing off his rearview mirror. He purportedly could not recall how he got there, saying the last thing he remembered was drinking whiskey with a few colleagues at a bar earlier that afternoon. At the time of booking Nagy claimed he just realized the parking lot of the Wendy’s was near his new condo. He’d failed to pair food with the evening’s whiskey. After going home to his apartment—and at some point after he had gotten undressed—he realized he was starving. Neglecting to put his clothes back on, he got in his car to hit the all-night drive-thru. The team allowed Nagy to coach Sunday's season opener (a blowout loss) against the Rams. The Wendy's manager, Mia Letko, said she was working the second drive-thru window when, "The cashier alerted me [that] `a guy coming to your window is naked!'" Added Letko, "He murmured ‘Pace ... Pace!’ to me. I didn't know that meant so I just said, `Here you go with your food, sir.'" The order? A single combo: burger, fries and a drink. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky Struggles to Beat 27 Point Spread It is hard to be excited about the win on Saturday. Like the week before, Wisconsin enjoyed a 2:1 time of possession advantage and dominated on the ground (galloping 352 yards). The D shutout the hapless Eastern Michigan Eagles of Ypsilanti, MI, a suburb of Ann Arbor. Mertz did not suck, going 14-17 for 141 yards and no INT’s. Coach Chyrst let up n Q3 and trotted out the second stringers. Backup Chase Wolf ineptly tossed a pick 6 which necessitated bringing the 1st stringers back to cover the 27 point spread, which they did. Bucky is on a bye week, so we will gear up for some in depth ND reporting next week. In other news, when we were UW students, the most noteworthy blow off class was underwater basket weaving. It was not popular, but everyone got a kick talking about it. Times have changed. Now the rage is a 2 credit course in body painting. To say the least, this class is in high demand and is heavily over subscribed both to attend and to land a coveted spot as a painting subject. Here are some examples of the handiwork coming out of this class! These artists have talent. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Don’t be frightened by the Portsmouth Spartans, kids. The final score may have been 41-33 against a very good 49’ers team, but they were down 38-10 midway through the 3rd Quarter. When the Niners started pulling many of their starters, the Spartans outscored them 23-3 in garbage time. It made the score and the stats a lot closer, but the game was never in doubt. The 49ers simply had more talent on both sides of the ball, and that talent played to its potential. The basic reality for Detroit is that passing offense was anemic and Jared Goff was bad. Jimmy Garoppolo hit the Lions for 314 passing yards on just 25 pass attempts. The Lion’s defense was just bad and ineffective as the Niners rolled up 38 points in the first 37 minutes of the game, on the other hand, they didn’t quit until the final whistle. Was that an anomaly or the start of a trend? After 3 disastrous years with Head Coach Patty Patricia, the Spartans have a Rookie HC, Dan Campbell. In his opening press conference, he threatened: “We’re gonna kick you in the teeth, and when you punch us back we’re gonna smile at you, and when you knock us down, we’re going to get up, and on the way, we’re going to bite a kneecap off." Rah rah aside, he seems to be a complicated fella. "I know this," Campbell said before practice Thursday. "New Orleans kicked the hornet's nest so we're going to get everything they've got, and we have to assume we're going to get their A game and that's how we're preparing." Well, let’s hope that’s the case! Coach would like nothing better than the Packers to show-up on Monday night and repeat the November 24, 1940, game when the Packers thrashed the Spartans 50-7. The Packers raced out to a 43–0 lead in the most lopsided game in the rivalry's history. The betting line has grown to 11 points in favor of the Packers … Coach says, don’t touch this one until we know what sort of team we have this year. It’s a Division Game and we go off to a shaky start on the 2021 Season. We will win, but likely in a tight-one. Packers 31 Spartans 27 ADVERTISEMENT – Pole Dancing Lessons Hey Ladies! Have you always wanted to be a stripper, but didn’t know how to get the proper training? Well, pole dancing lessons have come to the Fox Valley! Our poles are STRONG, so there's no size limit! Sign up today and MAKE IT RAIN $! JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Do you remember when… …we had one of the most creative Offenses in the NFL, QB’d by No. 12? A QB with supreme confidence who could competently throw out of our own endzone to a HOF wide receiver from a college in California? Coach does... After beating the Bears in the season opener, the opening home game of 1981 had a lot of parallels to last Sunday’s melt down in Jacksonville. Everyone came to stadium with high hopes for the season and left thinking we were the worst team in the League. On a very hot Sept 13th, the Pack pounded the Falcons for three Qtr.’s and held a 17-0 lead going into the 4th ... and then the Defensive wheels fell off. Speaking of hot days … Coach’s date, affectionately known as “ice cream”, accompanied Coach to the game and the Candle Stick* after the game, prior getting lost in the soft vanilla folds of local dairy treats. {*BTW, “The Stick” was one of the main-stays of Packer Football in the 70’s & 80’s … and was where everyone went to enjoy the free-post-game-Wonder-Bread-ham-salad-sandwiches and copious amounts of economical macro brew.} OK, where were we? Oh yeah, 1981 and number 12... Coach has been openly critical of the current #12 the past few months, and that’s in part because he is only the 2nd best Packers passer to wear that number. The best passer in a 12 jersey was, hands down, Lynn Dickey. Whatever throw Rodgers can make, Dickey could make with both of his cleats tied together. Actually, that’s not that far off, as Dickey infamously seemed to scamper from defenders “with cement blocks on his feet.” But he was also known as the guy who “could throw a football through the eye of a moving needle.” Lynn Dickey threw footballs like darts into a bullseye. Toward the end of his career he finally was fortunate enough to work with weapons on par with what Rodgers has had his entire career … Dickey had a top-rated wide out (James Lofton), a speed demon on the other side (John Jefferson), a dependable receiving Tight End (Paul Coffman), and a serviceable offensive line (Larry McCarren, Ron Hallstrom, Greg Koch, etc.). In just over 100 games, he threw for almost 22,000 yards and had over 130 touchdown passes. Gaudy numbers in those days when defenders could chuck and hold receivers downfield until the ball was in the air, and there was no such thing as “illegal hands to the face.” In 1983, Dickey set the longstanding team single season passing yardage record gaining 4,458 yards (even more than Brett Favre ever threw!), which was finally broken in 2011 after the rules had changed considerably in favor of the passing game. …and he never had a passer rating as low as Rodgers did last week. In fact, when he played on the road against New Orleans in 1981, he had 5 TD passes and only 2 incomplete passes! In hitting on 19-of-21 passes, or 90.5%, Dickey set the franchise record for completion percentage in a game with at least 20 pass attempts – which sits alone at the top in team annals still today. Interestingly, according to the data recorded in the NFL's official play-by-play of Dickey's pinpoint-accurate day, even his two incompletions were on target (see also, MVS). The Packers easily defeated the Saints that day, 35-7. Ironically (or prophetically?), Lynn also wore number 10 for three years; the same number he donned for the Houston Oilers as a backup before being traded to Green Bay. If Jordan Love (also #10) can eventually throw like Lynn, then Dickey will be known as the 2nd best QB to wear number 10 for the Packers, and Rodgers will be known as “that guy on Jeopardy! who played sports.” Unlike Rodgers, Dickey was burdened with a Packers Defense that yielded only one ProBowler over the 9 seasons he started as QB in Green Bay (last week’s hero, Willie Buchanon). As prolific of a passer as Dickey was in that era, the team’s record with him under center was a paltry 47-56-2. 1983 was a classic example … the team went 8-8 (Dickey’s high-water mark). The Packers scored a whopping 429 points that year, but gave up 439! As bad as the Packers D is today, it’s doubtful they will give up that many points, even with 17 games! …fingers crossed.
So, despite losing his will to play in 1985 (when he was at the top of his game) because the Packers defense was too limp to win more than half of their games each season, this week we stand at full attention with our Dickey salute! Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Aaron Rodgers is kinduva dick… Yes Rodgers, No Rodgers, Yes Rodgers, No Rodgers … yada, yada, yada … whadda disgusting Off-Season. Aaron Rodgers is a great passer and gives us a good shot at getting to a Conference Championship. He’s also a complicated douchebag. “Last Dance?” I’m sorry, Rodgers was 1-4 in NFC Championship Games on his way to a 1-0 Super Bowl record. He’s no Michael Jordan. Let Rodgers get to 4 or 5 SB wins and then he can talk about last his “Last Dance Season.” Until then he can shut TF up. For a supposedly “smart” guy, he knows nothing about roster building in the NFL or how the salary cap works (You want MORE top players? Then you gotta give up YOUR top salary – which you explicitly did not. It's really that simple.). …and if he doesn’t respect Packers management, why did he get engaged to Mark Murphy’s daughter? Oh, and publicly suggesting he wants to recruit different receivers for the team because it affects his job is kinduva dick move. He calls himself a leader, but how does that dick move affect his current receivers? A-Rod's choke in the NFC Championship game was not THEIR fault. It’s like Margaret Thatcher said: “Being a leader is like being a lady; if you have to tell people you are one, you aren’t.” So thanks to A-Rod (the A is for "Ass" now) for graciously coming back to the team this year, despite how awful it must be for him (because, as he says, it’s not like people want to come to Green Bay). Or he can fuck off, either way is fine with me. Quite frankly I can do without his practiced-in-the-mirror lines of self-awareness insight that he recites without err when the mic is on (for example, and ironically, "There's wisdom in silence" -- Ooooooo!). But, since he is here, he better bring the Lombardi trophy back home by playing well and improving the play of all the others around him, because his “beautiful mystery” strategy has backfired and nobody wants to hear him talk about anything other than how great it felt to win another Super Bowl in Green Bay. Oh, and here’s a tip for the Big A: finding yourself through juice cleansing and perineal sun tanning with your girlfriend does not an NFL Champion make. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Coach is relatively optimistic about 2021 … let’s go through why he feels that way. The table below shows the Defensive Points Allowed and Ranking for 2019 and 2020 and the same for Offensive Points Scored. Obviously going 13-3 two years in a row means we had a good team and there is a lot of green in the chart. But … will we be … Better or Worse in 2021? Roster? Better! Gooty went all in on keeping the 2020 Team together for 2021, and arguably we have the best draft class in several years (more analysis on this point in the weeks to come). Gutey got a lot of unwarranted criticism from Erin R. during the Offseason, but Coach gives him high marks for everything he’s done to make the 2021 Roster better than the 2020 Roster. He also fired the can’t-punt-or-tackle-never-utter-his-shameful-name-again punter. (You know, the guy that could easily outkick coverage and could be counted on for a shank when the game is on the line.) Gooty replaced him with Corey Bojorquez. Borky was the NFL leading punter in Buffalo last year and was a salary cap casualty (to the Pack via the Rams). Trust me kids, this will make a positive difference of one or two more wins this year. The two biggest unknowns on the roster are the new Defensive Coordinator, Joe Barry and the new Special Teams Coordinator, Maurice Drayton. Offense? Better. Everyone is back from the No. 1 Offense in 2020, including Erin Rodgers. He purportedly is among the best Throwers-of-the-Football ever, and camp reports suggest he is still very accurate. Erin, now it’s up to you to prove in 2021 that you are also among the best Quarterbacks ever. Until then, shut up cupcake and go win championships. We’re in Year 3 of the LaFleur Offense. We lost All-Pro Center Corey Linsley and Bakhtiari is on the PUP list (so he won’t be back until game 7 or 8), but we have a great OL Coach. We have the softer part of the schedule to start which will allow OL Coach Adam Stenavich to get the new boys in line (no pun intended). Coach Predicts 33 pts/gm average for the Regular Season Defense? Better (??) All of the Defensive Assistant Coaches are back and we picked up a real Inside Linebacker in De’Vondre Campbell, which argues for incremental improvement over the No. 9 scoring Defense in 2020. But … we also have a new Defensive Coordinator, Joe Barry. But what is Barry’s track record in his previous four previous seasons as a DC? 2007 & 2008 Lions 2015 & 2016 Redskins Joe has been lauded as running the “Vic Fangio Defense” (great!), but it’s not much different than Last Year’s Coach Poutine (huh)! Early reports are that Barry is liked by the players. Yes, and your point is? Well hopefully being motivated translates to good defense. Somebody smarter than me will have to translate all of that into why that made him a good DC candidate. All Coach knows is that Barry’s track record is not good yet LaFleur is very high on him. At the time of this writing Coach cannot confirm the rumors that Barry has compromising photos of LaFleur. Special Teams? Who the hell knows? We have been bad on ST forever (except for Crosby “keekin’ touchdins”) … and … we looked awful in the 2021 Preseason. I guess the most positive things you can say are that we fired Meningitis (the previous slug/ST Coach), and we signed a new punter. “Drayton’s track record” you ask... What did the Packers see in Drayton? Per the GBP website:
LaFleur in 2021? Better. We have enough of a track record that we can start to look at how he’s done so far. LaFleur is good and he’s learning from his mistakes, so he should continue to improve. Fleur’s 26 Regular Season Wins puts him at 2nd all-time on the all-time NFL Coaching list for “best-record-in-his-first-two-seasons” (after George Seifert’s 28 and ahead of Steve Mariucci’s 25 …neither of which are now considered superior coaches). LaFleur’s accomplishment is diminished by some because he has Rodgers. But recall, Siefert inherited a loaded, Super Bowl winning roster from Bill Walsh that was QB’d by Joe Montana. On the other hand, LaFleur inherited a team that was in disarray and went 6-9-1 under Melissa McCarthy and Joe Philbin. LaFleur has done a masterful job in turning around the culture of the Pack. Another criticism that’s been leveled at LaFleur’s record is that “he didn’t play anybody.” There is some truth to that argument. In 2019 we had the 19th hardest schedule and in 2020 we had the 21st hardest schedule* On-the-other-hand … when you beat your divisional opponents twice, your opponents’ “strength” is bound to take a hit. And, of course, using the “Pythagorean Predicted Wins” formula, we won more games than predicted. In 2019 we won 13 games vs. 10.5 predicted and in 2020 we won 13 vs. 12.2 predicted. (See previous installments of The Show!!! for details; the predictions are based on Offensive Points Scored and Defensive Points Allowed). In his first two seasons, LaFleur brought home more wins than we “should have had.” We’ll see how this plays out in the 2021 Season where we will have the 4th hardest schedule (as measured by Opponents 2020 W/L record). It’s also interesting to note that at the 2021 Packer Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony (for Charles Woodson and Al Harris), everyone who spoke mentioned the positive impact of LaFleur on the Packers. LaFleur was not on the program, nor did he speak, yet all the various speakers mentioned him. 2021 Prediction? 13-4 Barring injuries that remove key starters for a significant number of games (in addition to David Bakhtiari), LaFleur will coach the Packers to a 13-4 regular season record and he will overtake George Seifert for the best 3-year start in NFL history. LaFleur has been on an upward trajectory in his first three years as an NFL HC, George Seifert was on a downward trajectory. Fittingly, LaFleur will win the NFC North, the NFC Conference and Super Bowl Championships. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up ‘It’s Him Or Me,’ Says Unhinged Aaron Rodgers Demanding Packers Fire Team Custodian ASHWAUBENON, WI—Threatening to test the trade market if the front office didn’t intervene, a visibly unhinged Aaron Rodgers told Packers brass Wednesday that it was “him or me” in reference to team custodian Glen Pardlo. Pardlo, employed at 1265 Lombardi Avenue since 1995, has two Super Bowl rings. “I can’t let another season go by without getting help cleaning up around here,” said the reigning NFL MVP, who has reportedly been at odds with the custodian since taking over as the Packers’ starting quarterback in 2008. “The front office just isn’t giving me enough protection when you look at the scraps on the field. I’m a real attention-to-detail guy, so it just tears me up to work with someone who’s so careless. I need to have a janitor I can trust, and the franchise has repeatedly failed to invest in this position. It’s been a long time coming with me and Pardlo. I’m at the end of my rope.” At press time, Rodgers fueled trade rumors by following the Broncos’ custodial staff on Instagram.. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Training Camp Marred By Players Engaging In Questionable Moonlighting Gig CHIGAGO—Remember when training camp controversy meant a couple of backup linemen battled a little too long after the whistle? Well, in Chicago, those days were the good times. The salary cap plummet has forced Bears execs to watch top talent like CB Kyle Fuller and DT Roy Robertson-Harris go to other teams. And the reach of Bears management tightening their purse strings has affected the guys much farther down the depth chart, too. According to anonymous sources, “more than a few” unnamed Bears players have had to resort to the adult film industry just to make ends meet. “Sure, it’s an embarrassment,” said President and CEO of Chicago Bears Football Operations, Ted Phillips, “but it’s the reality of the game today. At least it is in this town anyway.” Phillips went on to say that “Although technically not illegal, gay porn is not something the Bears generally promote nor condone, uh, publicly.” When asked for his thoughts on teammates ostensibly baring it all for extra cash, Chicago’s top draft pick Justin Field exclaimed, “They get paid for that? Damn, I thought it was like a rookie hazing thing.” Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky Sucks in the Red Zone, Loses to Penn State Looking at the gaudy stats, one might think Wisconsin won going away. 2:1 in time of possession! More yards gained, especially on the ground! The D gave up only 16 points. But jeesh, WTF happened to the usually stout O-line? Mertz is now sporting a 18.5 QB rating that would make Jay Cutler blush. For all the talk of offseason improvements, he looked like the same old Graham that we saw last year after the Illinois opener. Three trips inside the 10-yard line yielded ZERO points:
Progress was noted, however, as Mertz did not have to run to the sideline to get the play from new offensive coordinator Paul “The Gunslinger” Chryst. You can’t blame Paul Chryst, however, for not wanting to show his cards with Eastern Michigan lurking. Hats off to Penn State for executing a winning game plan on both sides of the LOS. Coach James Franklin presented game balls post-game to Scott Nelson on offense and Graham Mertz on defense. Sooo, Bucky gets a tune up game against Eastern Michigan Eagles (point spread 27) and then a bye to get ready for Notre Dame. Speaking of Notre Dame, guess where Badger QB Jack Coan landed? Jackie passed for over 300 yards and 4 TD en route to an OT win for the Irish over Florida State. Remember where you were and the smile that crossed your face upon learning that Jack Coan broke his foot late in camp last August? While we at the BU are hoping for a miraculous turnaround by the Badger squad, we just do not see anything good happening at Soldier’s Fields in a few weeks. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game We have a better roster… We have a better team… We will be playing at a Pro-Packer venue… We have a better QB statistically… We have a better QB ethically and morally… Pro-Packer Venue Beware the overconfidence we had against the LA Chargers in 2018. The OL partied all night and it showed on a hot Los Angeles day, let’s hope the lads are all tucked in by 9:00 pm EDT the night before the game. We are 1-3 in Jacksonville (against the Jags), but we usually have had a pro-Packer crowd, but never seem to be able to overcome the heat. ...or in Nashville. ...or in Phoenix. (I already mentioned L.A.) Never-the-less … we will prevail this time … hydration my son, hydration. Better QB The Saints QB, former #1 overall draft pick Jameis Winston, is nowhere close to Erin Rodgers on a statistical basis nor on the “eyeball test.” Winston did not play much last year, but he was a turnover machine in Tampa Bay while taking the team up and down the field. On any given Sunday Winston might play well, and we don’t know if Sean Payton has fixed the turnover problem, but count on Winston to chuck up a few picks. A bigger challenge for Payton is to fix the character of Winston. While busy winning a Heisman Trophy at Florida State, Jameis Winston was arrested for stealing crab legs from a Publix supermarket. Of course, it's not Winston's first brush with the law -- he was also investigated for allegedly raping an FSU student. Ironically, in both instances he got crabs. In his only game against the Pack, he was 21-of-32 passing for 270 yards and two touchdowns in a 26-20 loss to the Brett Hundley-led Packers on Dec. 3, 2019. In the end, character does matter, and he will not beat the Packers. Packers 33 Saints 24 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them With my new favorite Brewers player being number 27, Willy Adames, that name kinda rang a bell to me … like I had watched another great athlete with a similar name and number, perhaps long ago... Sure shit, I did! So we kick of this season's look back at Packers of yore by saluting number 28, a cornerback from San Diego State: Willie Buchanon! Willie B. played for Green Bay from 1972-78, when Coach was a wee lad and the Packers went a paltry 42-55-3. No pressure Eric Stokes, but Willie Buchanon became a starter as a rookie and was called the best cornerback to enter the NFL in a generation. Selected by Green Bay in the 1st round, the 7th overall pick was the 1972 NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year. Buchanon was a 2-time Pro Bowler, was an All-Pro in 1978, and was named to the Green Bay Packers All-Time team (of course, he is also in the hallowed Packers Hall of Fame). Willie had 28 picks total in his career, with 2 returned for touchdowns! He also recovered 15 fumbles! In 1978, the Packers defensive back led the NFC with 9 interceptions, including FOUR on September 24, 1978 against the San Diego Chargers that tied him for the still-standing NFL record for most interceptions in a game. The Chargers were so impressed, they traded for him the following year. In 1981, he tied another all-time NFL record – this time playing for San Diego: most fumble recoveries in a game (4)! Buchanon was an Oceanside, CA native, so it was a natural fit for him to finish out his career near home … presumably to spend more quiet time with family. So this week we salute you, Willie Buchanon, for being all that you were cracked up to be coming out of college, and providing young lads like myself some vivid examples of excellence despite being surrounded by lesser talent in that 70’s shitshow.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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