Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Coach hopes your summer was just as adventurous as mine was. In Coach’s Humble Opinion: This time Murphy's gone too far, needs to go. Well, what am I supposed to do now? There’s no place left for a man at Lambeau field. Borrowing the thought provoking quip by chaos-obsessed Dr. Ian Malcom (Jeff Goldblum) in The Lost World: Jurassic Park, “This is the worst idea in the long, sad history of bad ideas.” From time to time there have been some on-again off-again rumblings by unsatisfied fans for a pink slip departure of Packers President, Mark Murphy. The proverbial straw has now unmistakably broken the camel’s back: Murphy replaced the hallowed Leinie’s Lodge with the “U.S. Cellular loft”(?). Are you friggin kidding me? What is this world coming to? No offense to hand-carved brisket on the concourse behind the club seats, or $17 rice-crispie bars on mobile kiosks visiting the luxury boxes, but the Leinie’s Lodge was the best thing Lambeau offered since Bob Harlan gave the joint a $295 million botox treatment. ...not to mention it was within stumbling distance of Coach’s seats! Murphy should have displaced pre-cooked brats and DiJiorno pizza instead. He is recklessly out of touch with Joe the Packer fan, and is ruining the organization by disenfranchising the base that sustains it. The accolades of the atrium garret by Packers brass are correct, it’s a great meeting place (6,000 sq-ft), it’s cool on a hot September day and it’s warm on a cold December night... But who the hell needs to check out a portable device during the game? I mean, who doesn’t already have a smartphone? Are the Packers expecting the Flintstones? Ooooo...and if you DO already happen to have one of these rarest of rare devices, you can bring your phone to the Recharging Station...ahhh! Oh, but good luck getting a signal, though ...unless you already have U.S. Cellular service, of course. And tell me this little plug-in won’t become an electronic superhighway to screensavers of compromising photos from your cousin’s bachelor party smattered all over former Eastern Bloc countries. This isn’t just wrong, it’s wrong for football, and it’s downright un-American. I know, I know, the space should go to the highest bidder, players’ salaries keep increasing, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. Hey, I’m all for making more money under the auspice of free enterprise ... buh-leeve me, but some things are worth a hometown discount. As I’ve emphasized in the past, and assert here again today, MURPHY JUST DOESN’T GET IT. This latest money-grab move of his is a slap in the face to all Wisconsinites. I don’t know what’s in Murphy’s heart, but CNN would probably call it racism. Lawyers from the Atlantic Seaboard and others of Murphy’s ilk need to stay out of the Packers front office. Send him back to where he came from, I say! He could, for example, be “promoted” … to NFL Commissioner, or some other meaningless job that any idiot could do better than who they usually end up with, so we can appoint a new Packers President ... somebody already on the Executive Committee, someone from Wisconsin who knows right from wrong, and someone with the common sense decency to know we’d rather have a Canoe Paddler lager than a charged phone … someone like Dan Ariens. At least, in my humble opinion. …oh, and that Ellie Leinenkugel is a real hottie, so there’s that. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme The Bears and the Packers have met more times than any two other teams in the NFL. George Halas and his Decatur Staleys formed the American Professional Football Association (now the NFL) with the Chicago Cardinals, Canton Bulldogs, Akron Pros, Cleveland Indians, Dayton Triangles, Massillon Tigers, Hammond Pros, Muncie Flyers, Rock Island Independents, Rochester Jeffersons on September 17th, 1920 in Canton, OH. The Packers waited out year-one of the new League and joined in 1921. (BTW, it drives Coach crazy to see the “official” Packer NFL gear labeled “Packers 1921”. Conversely, Coach is amazed that the NFL “allowed” the Packers to celebrate 100 Seasons last year and have a restaurant called “1919”.) Coach knows that you, his aeriodite and astute reader, knew this already…but knowing the history of the NFL and the Packers is important to Coach and therefore important to you! (Apparently also to “Hoody”, who reportedly has one of the largest private libraries on all things football.) Rest assured, the Bears really do suck; still, Coach is always fair and balanced so you can expect a positive slant on our rivalry-of-all-rivalries this week. The Packers have a commanding lead in games won, 97-95-6! And, going into the 199th meeting, we are leading the points total 3,431 to 3,408, which averages to 17.33 pts/gm for the good guys versus 17.21 pts/gm by the Bears. Amazing when you think about it … that’s across 100 years! The most important statistic is of course Championships, where the Packers lead the NFL with 13 and the Bears are “Number 2” with 9. Another interesting generalization is that the Packers have always been an innovative and creative team on Offense, going back to Curly Lambeau and players like Don Hutson who essentially invented the passing game in football. And, in those years where we have had a dominant defense, we have won the NFL Championship. The Bears on the other hand have always focused on Defense, and when they have generated sufficient enough Offense to go with the D, they tend to do well. If you allow me to summarize the Packers referencing Hutson, Canadeo, Starr & Favre (not to leave out Reggie and Ray, but I’m making a point here), the Bears can be summarized by Papa Bear and Number 51, Dick Butkus. Prior to starring in prize winning TV commercials, Butkus was an author as well! His 1971 tome Inside Defensive Football won no Pulitzers, but 48 years later almost every word still applies to football, no matter how fancy and complicated everyone seems to think it is… Butkus was truly a great player, and it’s no coincidence that virtually every picture in his book shows either the Bears, or the Bears-and-Packers. A true Packer fan can show respect for Butkus, while still hating him like he’s tapping the chick you’ve had your eye on since Freshman year when she was in your Economics 101 class. Hey, at least it got you to shower every day. But I digress… Is Mr. Butkus’ wisdom still relevant when judging Poutine’s D? Borrowing a few quotes from his book, I’ll let you decide: …”to make it all the more interesting, no one has yet been able to devise an offense that couldn’t be stopped or a defense that couldn’t be beaten…. coaches have used both highly complex and stunningly simple offenses and defenses with equal success…” Clearly this is a nod to Lombardi, who focused on the simple. What is interesting is how the heart of the “new” LaFleur offense is actually being complex by making most plays look like simple runs. Butkus goes on to say: “Bart Starr often drops back into his own end-zone and fires a pass on first down. He will also run a draw play at your 10-yard-line…it is exactly this kind of confident daring that makes great quarterbacks and is the sort of all-out offense that defense must learn to stop!” The essence of what Lombardi preached, execution, is at the heart of what Butkus is saying, and you can only hear that kind of clarity from guys like Belichek today. Let’s hope Matt LaFleur is out there listening. “But one thing that I have learned is that in Football, regardless of the systems and formations used, is primarily a game of hitting. That is what football is all about – two forces with opposing objectives constantly in collision. The team that hits harder for the longer period of time wins." Every time Coach heard Packers HC Petite LaFleur talking about “thudding up” because they didn’t want to “tackle to the ground” it makes me want to vomit. Coach may be a bit hard on the Petite Fleur, it’s only his first year as Head Coach after having been an Offensive Coordinator (remember that Lombardi, Holmgren and McCarthy were all relatively unknown OC’s before coming to Green Bay). I suppose I should give him two or three weeks of leeway before holding him to the Rodgers-only-has-a-coupla-years-left-so-don’t-F-it-up standard. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Raiders Impressed By DeShone Kizer’s Ability To Point Out Football Field OAKLAND, CA—Noting that the 3rd year quarterback’s grasp of the game and its nuances was obvious, Oakland Raiders personnel executive Mike Mayock was impressed Sunday by DeShone Kizer’s ability to point out the football field. “The second we brought DeShone in, we just knew he was a knowledgeable asset. As we stepped into the stadium together, he located the 50-yard line without hesitation. Not to mention his dazzling performance against us in Winnipeg. Can’t believe Green Bay let this guy get away!” Raiders head coach John Gruden provided additional accolades after sitting in the tape room with Kizer to go over his plays at Cleveland and Green Bay. “DeShone could easily identify whether the plays were passes or runs. He’s just a natural talent and the right fit for our team. I didn’t even have to ask, he just started naming things on the football field. He said grass, he said end zone. He even knew exactly what the football was. I’m confident DeShone will be just as impressive on the sidelines as he was during our orientation – or ‘Raiderentation’ as we like to call it – with him.” Lions Creeped Out By Fan Who Followed Them In Preseason ALLEN PARK, MI—The Detroit Lions admitted to reporters Friday that they were creeped out by a fan who actually showed up for their first preseason game this year against the defending Super Bowl champion New England Patriots. “This weirdo in a Lions jersey had been hanging around the stadium the whole game. Did this guy seriously intend to stay for all 4 quarters?” said quarterback Matthew Stafford, who claimed the entire team was unnerved by the idea that some disturbed loner spent hundreds of dollars on a ticket and overnight accommodations just to watch them play a meaningless preseason game. “He was there since warm-ups, just sitting up in the stands. He even brought binoculars so he could watch the players doing drills on the other side of the field. What kind of creep does that? I hope he didn’t come all the way down from the UP -- this wouldn’t even be worth it if he lived in Detroit.” During a 4th quarter injury timeout, Lions officials had requested security to remove the fan, later identified as Michael P. Goulet from Kalamazoo, after he had asked if there was any Lions merchandise for purchase. God Feeling Pretty Confident With His Fantasy Draft This Year HEAVEN—A report from the throne room of the Most High confirmed Tuesday that the Lord is feeling "pretty confident" with his NFL Fantasy Draft this year. "God's pretty sure He's got this one in the bag," said an angelic messenger in a statement to humanity. "Highest score, every week – and we don't really think anyone else in his fantasy league will even come close." The angel also said that in addition to drafting the players who will score the highest in each of their respective positions each week, God has provided a count of the hair on each player’s head, predicted the exact points and stats of every single player each week, and suggested every passing thought and motive of all players in the NFL. According to reports, God has yet to predict a player stat incorrectly. However, some have cried foul on the Almighty's undefeated season last year, alleging that the Most Holy has ordained the winners and losers since before the foundation of the world. Whether or not these allegations prove to be true, the Lord is projected to win every single week for another perfect season, netting heaven's already infinite coffers with some additional street cred. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Quarterback Resorts To Unusual Treatment OAK PARK, IL – Area doctors report the baffling case of 24-year-old man who had injected his right arm with his own semen intravenously for several months, a “cure” intended to treat his chronically inaccurate passing. It does not appear to have worked. After reportedly injecting semen into his arm every month for 7 months, the man finally sought medical attention. During his checkup, the doctor was alarmed by a patch of red swelling on his right forearm, after which the man admitted he’d been injecting himself with his own semen using a hypodermic needle he purchased online. Most recently, he had injected three “doses” of semen, entering both his blood vessels and his muscles. “This is the first reported case of semen injection for use as a medical treatment,” the doctors at Allysa Milano Cosmetica Hospital in Oak Park wrote in their subsequent case study, titled “An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous Abscess,” published in the Illinois Medicals Journals. Ironically, the swollen region grew and hardened around the area on his arm where he’d injected his semen, and an x-ray revealed an area of trapped air beneath the man’s skin. The doctors immediately hospitalized the patient, treating him with an intravenous antimicrobial therapy. The doctors performed a search of medical literature as they prepared their own case study, revealing not a single case of intravenous semen injection for improved coordination or strength. According to their research: “Although there is a report of the effects of subcutaneous semen injection into rats and rabbits, there were no cases of intravenous semen injection into humans found across the literature.” The authors then offered a warning: “It’s dangerous for the untrained to perform intravenous injections on themselves, especially when they’re injecting things that aren’t supposed to be injected into veins, like semen.” (Semenly sound advice.) Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Here at Badger Underground we are all jazzed up about the awesome 49-0 start of the season Friday night in Tampa. And for this staffer all the more so, because I was dispatched to see the game in person as hurricane Dorian threatened the other side of the state. My scouting report revealed that female fans of the University of South Florida Golden Brahma Bulls like to wear cowboy hats with interesting green shirts. Mascot Rocky D. Bull was less intriguing, but I spotted some avid Bulls fans proudly sporting their green garb amongst a sea of visiting red. Of the 47,000 in attendance, I estimate that >75% were pro-Bucky. Before the game, BU research led us to wonder which USF team would show up. Last year they stormed in and won their first 7 games under Charlie Strong (formerly HC of Louisville and Texas) and then proceeded to lose their next seven, including the Gasparilla Bowl in their home stadium, becoming the first team in college football history to start a season 7–0 and lose their final seven games. Another question was how USF’s new QB would fare. College journeyman Blake Barnett was starting QB at Alabama before Jalen Hurts beat him out. Barnett transferred to Arizona State and now is at USF. According to the USF website, Barnett is on the Johnny Unitas Golden Arm award watch list. As we now know, Jimmy Leonard’s D shut the Bulls out with only 26 yards rushing, 2 picks, and a fumble recovery for TD. So much for the Bulls’ hype, Bucky rules! Likewise, we wondered which Badger team would show up. Last year was a huge disappointment after the preseason #4 Badgers finished 2018 at 8-5 (5–4 in the Big Ten) before a final uptick by beating The U (again) 35-3 in the Pinstripe Bowl. We truly experienced the SI jinx! Well, Junior Badger RB Jonathan Taylor, supported the stellar D with 4 TD’s (2 rushing and 2 receiving) and 135 yards rushing. Thankfully, he logged no fumbles after putting 10 on the ground last year. True Freshman Nakia Watson is a nice surprise and looks like heir apparent at Running Back U, pounding 80 yards in relief of JT. Unnamed sources at the Washington Post have confirmed that the “Freshman” is actually ex-Badger and current LA Charger holdout Melvin Gordon III in a “Watson” jersey, inserted to get some much needed reps before his impending team change. Badgers quarterback Jackie Coan was a solid and serviceable game manager, solidly underwhelming that is. Badger Underground is looking forward to true Freshman Graham Mertz getting some playing time and tearing apart the back end of defenses like Coan can’t do. There was an obnoxious guy at the game screaming “Mertz!” after every Coan incompletion. That guy was me. The nicest thing that can be said about Jackie’s performance is that his first completion was to none other than Quintez Cephus! We were worried about Becky Badger and her team slow-walking on the Cephus reinstatement. Well, after viewing the footage of the interaction between Cephus and Danny Davis provided by Cephus’ attorneys (Click on Link), Becky’s team did the right thing and fast-tracked his eligibility, much to our delight. Returning to practice this week, teammates noticed that Quintez looked bigger, faster & stronger than two years ago. Rather than easing him into more snaps ahead of the Michigan game, we were ecstatic that HC Paul Chryst used the dynamic athlete on multiple 3-way opportunities Friday night in Tampa — no, not with cowboy hat-wearing cougars from St. Pete, but as a receiver, edge rusher on defense, and kick returner. Awesome. Speaking of cougars, it’s time to match those racks!... We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game You may remember Robbie Gould, the Bears kicker for the 2005-2015 seasons and their most prolific ever, who set an NFL record for 33 FG’s in a season during 2015. The brain trust at Halas Hall got rid of him when he asked to get paid what he’s worth (the 49’ers say thank you). Since dumping Gould the Bears have struggled kicking, and you undoubtedly recall this exciting and high-degree-of-difficultly double-doink that Cody Parky executed to lose last year’s Wild-Card playoff game. The Bears were 5.5 point favorites at home, but because they suck… …they lost. Rather than summarize the delicious tidbits of Bears ineptitude in SI’s recent publication that highlights them bringing in nine – count ’em, NINE – kickers for tryouts this year (while still paying Parky over $3.5 million to not have him play), I’ll just give you the link here. It’s very telling about how feeble-minded that organization is, how they lack the mental capacity to win a championship, and above all it’s really funny (probably because it’s true). Madness at 43 Yards: The Bears Kicker Competition Through the Eyes of Those Who Lived It (Clink On Link) It starts out with “Obsession! Conspiracy theories! Questionable Math! Welcome to the Bears kicker competition. Seven months after the ‘double-doink’ sunk their Super Bowl hopes, Chicago is obsessed with finding the right foot as pressure builds toward their next big kick. An inside look at the wildest kicker search ever held, from those who lived it.” Coach is particularly encouraged by this excerpt from the article: Nagy has a stable of pithy mottos he trots out to his team: “Be you.” “We’re chasing great.” “It’s a we thing, not a me thing.” He spent the spring and early summer trotting out a new one: “Remember the hurt.” Yeah, dwell on that! Blame it all on the kicker…Nobody else played in that game. Without a doubt, it’s the least helpful / thoughtful / inspirational motivational saying by a head coach; ever. For the record…the Bears’ new kicker is Eddy Pinero, shown here clubbing a shanked kick in pre-season. Not Ficken good. In an excruciating repeat for the Bears faithful, “Eddy” will miss a potential game winning field goal from 43 yards…. Pack 17 Bears 16 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them In today’s NFL it’s commonplace for quarterbacks to wear red colored jerseys in practice. This of course is a reminder to all players and coaches that they are not to be hit in drills. Normally, the red jerseys are worn by all quarterbacks – except in the case of the Dallas Cowboys, who do not single out their quarterbacks as anything special (because they are not). Depending on injuries or what drills the team is working on, other players like running backs and wide receivers may also don the red. If, however, your team’s main color is red (e.g. Washington, Arizona, Kansas City, 49ers, etc.), or you’re retarded like the Lions, then the QB wears either a yellow, black or green jersey. A lot of NFL fans think it was Bears-killer Brett Favre who first wore the red jersey in practice … a strategy that protected him from being frequently hit and helped him achieve ironman emeritus status for consecutive games played at quarterback. Actually, however, although it WAS a Packers QB who was first in the NFL to armor himself with a red jersey in order to prevent defenders from hitting him in practice, you probably don’t remember his name. Bill “Guppy” Troup played in seven NFL seasons from 1974 to 1980, for both the Baltimore Colts and then later the Green Bay Packers. After being released by Baltimore, Troup went north to the CFL's Winnipeg Blue Bombers, where he served as Dieter Brock's backup for the 1979 season, before being picked up by the Pack in 1980 when their 3rd stringer Steve Pisarkiewicz departed after one only game and, ironically, went north to play for Winnipeg before subsequently pleading guilty to an indecent exposure charge (creepy). Anyhoo, Guppy saw his most extensive action for the Colts in 1978, when Bert Jones was injured and then Mike Kirkland also went down. The other 2 Green Bay field generals in 1980 were the much more well-known QB’s Lynn Dickey and David Whitehurst, who never wore a red shirt during practice; which is shocking, considering that head coach Bart Starr encouraged Vince Lombardi-like hitting drills as much as possible. At his first practice in Green Bay, Guppy Troup put a loose red mesh tunic over his jersey, to which head coach Bart Starr asked “What’s that for, son?” Guppy replied, “I can’t get hurt, so tell the fellas not to hit the guy in red.” An astounded Starr responded, “What makes you think you’re gonna get hurt?” “Well, I’m not,” said Troup, “but Lynn and David will, so you’re gonna need me to run the offense. That’s how it was in Baltimore and that’s just how it is in the NFL.” And Guppy was right. The oft-injured Dickey pulled his groin muscle in the very next game as he tried to elude a sack given up by Larry McCarren, and David Whitehurst (you guessed it) got hurt when he was hit in practice the following week. QB Bill Troup went 4 for 12 in his Packers debut, gaining 48 yards, but getting sacked twice for -20 yards, and he gave up 3 interceptions for an overall passer rating of 6.9. Ironically, Guppy was brought in to replace Pisarkiewicz as the Number 3 QB, who just a few weeks earlier went 2 for 5, for 19 yards, with one sack and zero interceptions, yielding a passer rating of 51.3. …not great, but better than Troup’s, and better than Whitehurst’s 5/15 for 55 yards with 1 pick, 3 sacks, and a QPR of 17.4. In case you’re wondering, Dickey was sacked 37 times that year, for a whopping -314 yards (QPR 70.0).
After retiring from football at 29 years old, Guppy joined the Professional Bowlers Association and later toured with his son, Kyle, who became a top 5 competitor on the PBA tour. Sadly, Bill Troup passed away in 2013 at the relatively young age of 62. So, Paul William “Guppy” Troup III, we posthumously salute you as a humble man, ahead of your time, who had fertile bowling sperm, and is solely responsible for the success of Brett Favre.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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