Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …Mattel could turn Rodgers’ lame responses into a “Magic Alibi” 8-Ball. Sure, he’s a 3-time MVP and a master of on-the-field improvisation, but Aaron Rodgers is also a Hall of Fame-level alibi maker. Wouldn’t it be nice to take your excuse-making to All-Pro levels with an “Magic Alibi 8-Ball”? Just imagine being able to share an uncomfortable question or explain your predicament aloud, give the ball a shake and let Aaron Rodgers’ prepared responses take care of the rest. Consider the possibilities… Question: “Have you been vaccinated against the COVID-19 virus?” (note: you have not) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “I have been immunized.” (hey, you got a flu shot in 2018, so you’re technically not lying!) Question: “Do you still have the trust of your teammates?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “Hey, inside that locker room, is a team!” Question: “Were you disappointed that you did not get the Jeopardy host job?” (note: Yes, it completely ruined your “Demand a trade to LA for a dual career” Master Plan) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “I had a blast helping out the folks at Jeopardy, but I’m an immunized QB in the NFL”. Question: “Will you re-sign with the Packers or declare Free Agency?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “My family and I love this city and its fans” (if asked during the season). “Ownership disrespected me with their focus on long-term success” (if asked after the season). …and it could work for NFL owners, too! Question: “Are you considering firing the Head Coach after the Thanksgiving game?” (note: everyone knows that is the plan) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “Are we where we want to be right now? No. But there’s still a lot of ball left to be played.” Question: “Will the team’s payroll be slashed this off-season?” (note: It will.) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “We like the direction we are going.” …in fact, it could work for almost every situation! Question: “Did you read the memo I sent out over the weekend?” (note: Nope.) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “It’s clear that a whole lot of work went into this.” (hold document aloft). Question: “Do these jeans make me look fat?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “[blank triangle]” (pretending the question wasn’t asked is the first appropriate response) Question (again): “HELLO? I’m asking you if these jeans make me look fat?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “Are you kidding? Those jeans are not doing that.” Question: “Did you lose all our money on that gambling app?” (note: you just lost the house) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “Ha, Ha – very funny. Of course, I didn’t” (there’s always the home equity to fall back on). Question: “Were you texting while driving when you hit that parked car?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “No!” (you were actually watching a girl in cut-off jean shorts bent over polishing the hood of her car). Question: “Is this opinion piece racist?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “I’m gonna go ahead and say all signs point to yes, even though I’m not sure why.” So, Mattel, I think you should gather a collection of A-Rod’s most handy, mirror-tested, preplanned responses into a Magic Alabi 8-Ball. It could really help a fella out… at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Always a disappointment to lose any game, but losing a completely winnable game to the ViQueens is a kick-in-the-teeth. The headline on this game (34-31 ViQueens) is that Erin Rodgers lost the game. The Defense and Special Teams contributed as well, but this was the first game this year that the Offense was called upon to win the game … and they failed, primarily due to Erin. The good news is that at 8-3 overall, we still hold the 2nd Seed and (probably) still have a shot at the 1st Seed in the Playoffs. The most amazing thing about this game is that we were even in it at all. We have had tremendously good fortune with very few injuries the last two years, but that has all come home to roost in 2021. The chart below summarizes the current week’s injury list combined with the Injured Reserve list (both short-term IR and “Out” for the Season; and for good measure, Coach included Center Corey Linsley who signed with the Chargers during the Off-Season). Counting both Pro-Bowler Linsley and his replacement (an extremely good rookie, Josh Myers) the Packers are missing 4 Pro Bowl level talents on the Offensive Line. Hat’s off OL Coach Stenavich for keeping that group performing extremely well. The DL/OLB position has been even more devastated. For a position group that was a talent concern before the Season, it’s nothing short of amazing that they are playing well with 7 guys missing. Here’s hoping that Rashan Gary and Tyler Lancaster can make it back for the Rams game. Give BeriBeri and his Coaches credit, they are doing a great job with what they have. An even bigger shout-out to Gutey. The guy put up with a lot of crap during the Offseason and he’s done nothing but put together a tremendously deep roster. So back to the ViQueens, the story of the game is all about self-inflicted wounds. We “lost” the 1st-Half of the game 16-10; but we easily could have scored at least 10 more and “shudda” held them to fewer points. We had almost even T.O.P., both had O turnovers, but we had 8 penalties for 92 yards vs. 3-25 on the Queens. Sure, the Zebras screwed us on a few penalties, but mainly we did it too ourselves and killed our drives and extended the Queen’s drives. The 1st-Half Drive Chart for the Pack is a litany of stupid, self-inflicted damage. Coach has done extensive covert research this week to determine what happened to Erin during the 1st-half. As suspected, it turned out that Melissa McCarthy had hacked into Erin’s helmet audio and used subliminal messaging to make him run around and throw stupid long balls. Rather than throw to ESB (you can’t really see him in this clip, but he’s open over the middle and would have easily picked up 15) and keep the drive alive, we ended up kicking a 54-yd FG (yay, Mason). Rather than throw to ESB (you can’t really see him in this clip, but he’s open over the middle and would have easily picked up 15) and keep the drive alive, we ended up punting. Did Coach just repeat his-self? Oh, yes, he did, pretty much the same f’up, two series in a row. To complete the night-mare flashback of McCarthyism, Rodgers also played “Hero Ball” several times. You know, line up in shotgun, get the snap and then run-around until someone gets open. It worked for a while during the 2011-2014 era, but never worked well enough to win important games. Didn’t work then, doesn’t work now. Erin targeted MVS 10 times and hit him on 4. Yes, they did have the exciting 75-yard TD in the 2nd-Half, but if we play smarter football in the 1st-Half that wouldn’t have been necessary. Special Teams didn’t kill us … sort of … Crosby flat out missed a 32-yd FG … which of course would have had us tied at the 60-minute mark. Coach supposes that 1 for 2 is better than 0 for 2. (C’mon man, made the 54-yarder and missed the 32-yarder?) Can we trust the D? Coach should have known better last week than to praise the D. Too early, gotta let Season unfold a bit more. We have had so many injuries on that you knew they would come back to bite us. The Pack have been very tight-lipped about Jaire Alexanders return, but man, Coach hopes it’s soon. Rookie Eric Stokes, Keven King and the “Hero of AZ” Douglas have all had good games … and all had major mistakes against the Queens. Eric Stokes got caught in a “communication problem” and as a result was covering no-one on more than one occasion. Give the Queens credit, they schemed to confuse the Rook. Amos makes a great interception, only to have it waived off due to the penalty. The result was Queens 1st & 10 on the Packer 19 vs. us having the ball at the 37. Three plays later the Queens went up 16-3 … and the game was over. That sequence defined the outcome of the game. We had just missed the chip-shot FG, so it was 9-3 vs. “shudda been” 9-6. Earlier on the Queens 3rd Drive, Savage was called for a 37-yd Defensive Pass Interference penalty. Between the DPI and the over-turned INT (both our mistakes), we “shudda” held them to punt and a 9-6 score. If there is good news in all of this, we almost won a game in a noisy venue, on the road, with a very injured and tired Team, against a Division opponent. Coach was never a Mike Poutine fan, but he did have one very, very memorable quote: “there’s a word for ‘almost winning’, it’s called ‘losing’”. On to the Rams. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up So-Called Diehard Fan Won’t Even Leap Over Stadium Railing To Catch Football LOS ANGELES—Casting doubt on the 35-year-old’s commitment to the franchise, so-called diehard Rams fan Eric Tremblay wouldn’t even leap over a stadium railing to catch a football thrown into the stands by LA quarterback Matthew Stafford Sunday during the team’s recent loss to the visiting Tennessee Titans. “Eric talks a big game about how this team is his life, but he wouldn’t even throw himself off the mezzanine when the time came,” said fellow Rams fan James Witt, expressing sadness that his friend had let him down and ruined his only chance to own an official NFL football. “He’s been talking about going in on season tickets, but now I’m not so sure. He had a chance to prove his loyalty by catching that ball, and he just meekly extended his hand out. So much for ‘bleeding yellow and blue,’ right?” At press time, Rams fans were spotted pelting Tremblay’s house with rocks and garbage after learning he refused to give up his roomy Exit seat to Aaron Donald on a flight back from Cancun during the Rams bye week. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof In Classic Chicago Bears Form, Report Leaks That Head Coach will be fired after Thanksgiving CHICAGO—If there was a word to describe the events that unfolded with the Chicago Bears on Tuesday, it’s dysfunction. Then again, that’s nothing new for this franchise. Matt Nagy met with Bears ownership Tuesday and was informed he’d be fired after Thursday’s game against the Detroit Lions. Nice. Nagy then cancelled the rest of Tuesday’s practice and, according to the players, he told them his meeting with owners was about “them moving forward” and that no one knows what tomorrow will bring, and they said he broke down as he addressed the team as “family.” Because he did not shed any light on his status, it left some players angry, less than 48 hours before the team will try to end a five-game losing streak against the winless Lions in a nationally televised game. Someone could have used a Magic Alabi 8-Ball !!! - "Hey coach, were you just fired?" Noteworthy, up until Tuesday the Chicago Bears have never fired a head coach midseason in their 101-year history, but it’s becoming more and more likely that tradition comes to an end with Matt Nagy. According to NFL insider Jordan Schultz, there are “an overwhelming number” of Bears players who want Nagy fired. And considering Schultz has a podcast with Bears receiver Allen Robinson, it’s hard not to assume that Robinson is the source. “He lost some of the locker room last season, but now it’s gone.” Oh, how the Bears still suck! Not only did Bears fans start a “Fire Nagy” chant at Soldiers Fields at the end of Sunday’s loss to the Ravens, but Bulls fans started their own “Fire Nagy” chant when their team was getting blown out Monday at the United Center. Classic. What’s even more brutal, during a Class 6A semifinals playoff game between Lake Forest and Cary-Grove on Saturday, those same “Fire Nagy” chants were started by Cary-Grove’s student section. It just so happens that Nagy’s son plays for Lake Forest. Ouch. Let’s hope they don’t have a dog. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Careful with that Axe Eugene Opening day of gun deer season “did not play out as we hoped” would be the upper end of the range of expectations. No deer were harmed by BU staff and no dominating performance was handed in by Bucky’s defense. The latter is somewhat distressing as the Nebraska Husker-Du’s effectively used their bye week to write the blueprint for any Badgers opponents after this Saturday’s tilt with the Goophs. Fortunately, the Goophs present a more favorable matchup for Wisconsin on both sides of the ball. They are mediocre at best stopping the run and their quarterback is not mobile or accurate enough to play pitch & catch with receivers occupying seams in our zone or spaces vacated by blitzing linebackers as Adrian Martinez did last week. Their strength is running the ball, but good luck to them running on Wisconsin. What’s there to like about Minnesota? Here comes a regular... One more chance to get it all wrong One more chance to get it all wrong One more night to do it all wrong One more warning One more warning sound We're comin' out We're comin' out We're comin' out One more day anyway One more chance anyway One more night anyway -The Replacements Sconnie 31, Goophs 10. On to Indy. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The all-time series with the Rams could not be any closer without being identical. The record is 47-47-2, with an average score of: Pack 22.9 Rams 23.0 For the 2021 Season we are also very close, with the Pack at 8-3 and the Rams at 7-3. Statistically it’s even closer in 2021. They have an almost 5-point advantage on Offense, and we have a 3-point advantage on Defense. Throw in 2-points for being at Lambeau and Vegas is calling this a push (1/2 pt. in favor of Pack). On the other hand, home or away, St. Louis or LA, the Packers have been Domine of the Rams during the Rodgers Era (5-1); most recently the 32-18 win at Lambeau during the Divisional Rnd of the 2020 Playoffs. The Packers have a heavily-injured roster, and they are looking forward to the Bye Week after the Rams to get healed up. On the other hand, the Rams only have two guys on their injury list and based on health they will have an advantage. But this is the Green Bay Packers we are talking about. Gutey’s done a masterful job of providing depth and Matt LaFleur and the entire Team will be focused on playing well and not limping into the Bye. So, what does that leave? Yes Jimmy, Erin Rodgers vs. Matt Stafford. So, let’s compare them statistically (Coach loves stats)! On one hand, you have Matt Stafford Stafford is shown above signaling to the referee that he would like to go to the left. Why he is signaling to go left is left is a great question, Coach, Sean McVay and the Referees all have no idea. For some reason Forest Gump comes to mind … “stupid is as stupid does.” Maybe you can figure it and let Coach know. On the other hand, you have Erin Rodgers. Coach has done extensive research on this topic and has concluded that no professional athlete has ever spontaneously disrobed his foot and shown his toes to the media. The 2021 Erin Rodgers saga is a truly unique and bizarre chapter in Packers history (R.I.P. Vince Lombardi). But as we all know, Covid-Toe trumps Stupid. So maybe leave the kids’ Colllege Fund alone on this one, but at least lay down a six-pack of Leinie’s Honey Weiß! Packers 24 Rams 23 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them With Turkey-Day here, Coach got to thinking about some of the real turkeys that donned the Green & Gold. While there’s little debate of who the worst Packers player of all time is (Tony Mandarich, duh), it’s hard to gain alignment with your buddies as you pound blue-yummies at the Stadium View on who the 2nd-worst Packers player of all time is. Well, Coach is here to help you end the debate: it's Michael Haddix (you’re welcome). The hope with any NFL running back is that he will be able to at least help a team gain positive yards with the goal of earning first downs. Michael Haddix not only failed to achieve this mission throughout his NFL career, he was historically bad as a pro: averaging 3.0 yards per carry for his career, the worst in NFL history for anyone with more than 500 runs.
Haddix was a 1st round pick of the Eagles in the 1983 draft out of Mississippi State, primarily due to his fullback size and 4.5 speed. This alone was good enough to get him inducted into the Mississippi State Hall of Fame in 2019. Seems like a pretty low bar to me, but I digress… To Haddix's credit, his average was slightly higher toting the rock during his two seasons with the Packers (1989-90). The back averaged a whopping 3.1 yards per carry while playing in 32 games for Green Bay. And who was his blocking tackle up front that busted open those gaping seams for him at the line of scrimmage? You guessed it, Tony Mandarich. So today we salute you, Michael Haddix, a player with the dubious distinction of being the 2nd worst player in Packers history, ironically lined up right behind the first.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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