Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …Rodgers has Happy Feet… … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Coach says: you can only play who’s on your schedule! Coach hears you. Yes, we are 2-1, “but”. Yes, the Bears suck, and we killed them. Yes, the Buc’s were down some players, but they have the GOAT, the heat & humidity of FLA where we seldom win in September. Be honest, with Coach here … did you really expect to win? We are only three games into the Season, but we just beat one of the Super Bowel favorites, in their home stadium. Embrace it Jimmy, roll around in it a bit … Coach tole’ya we would win … let’s have a gander back to what Coach said last week, shall we? To summarize:
Brady was too exhausted to throw another tablet this week as predicted… OK boys, you skip ahead to WWGKYA now … or continue if you wanna know ‘bout da game. Uh oh … here we go … Brady’s got our number Despite all the off-season banter about having a “Top Defense” … be honest fer a minute, this pass scared the crap out of you, didn’t it Jimmy? Norm Van der Loop immediately sent a message to Coach … “for buckets sake, the bucking orange popsicles are going to bucking score a bucking touch down on their opening drive, just like the bucking Queens and the Bears.” The first sign of good news in the game came a few plays later when Kenny Clark drove through TB Guard Luke Goedeke for a Brady sack; forcing a FG by the Bucs. Luke-go-what-ety? Ya, da kid from down da road here in Whitelaw. I’m purty sher he knows youse. He went to Valders HS. Better luck next time Luke. Luke’s’ career is off to a splendid start; he has two false starts in 3 games. * * Note: this random and interesting thought about Luke Goedeke, with no apparent relationship with anything about the game, nor any conclusion, was added for your edification. See also: Pennel, Mike and Horror Show, Rocky. The whole off-season Packer Nation has been handwringing about the WR position … “oh know, what will we ever do without Da’Vandre Adams?” For those of youse scoring at home… … add to that the number of Souper Bowls we won with Adams … yeah, bupkus, right? There is no doubt in Coach’s mind that Gutey got the best of the trade with the Raiders. Good luck Da’Vandre! Getting to the HOF with your bestie Carr pulling the trigger looks like a pipe dream. Ask Gutey and you shall receive … we drafted three WR’s this year and added another high profile WR in Free Agency and it looks like we’re gonna be OK. The offense looked great, particularly on the first drive of the game. After a cuppla runs and short passes, Rodgers hit Romeo Nelson-Dubbs on a 21-yard in route. Cobby also had a nice 17-yard reception and Jonesy had a 10-yard run on the driver, which was capped off by Nelson-Dubbs’ first NFL TD. No Davante Adams? No Problem No Sammy Watkins? No Problem No Christian Watson? No Problem Don’t know which one is which? No Problem (Coach doesn’t know either and isn’t going to bother getting to know them until we know they are not too fragile for the NFL.) Alas, all was not perfect on Offense. The Buc’s shut down our running game in the 2nd half and we shot ourselves in the foot several times. This shot downfield with 3:24 left in the 4th Qtr. would have put us up 21-6 … but Nelson-Dubbs ran too deep and knocked-down Winfield. Dammit. Janet. {BTW … Island Resort & Casino is hosting a screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, including costume contests.} Nelson-Dubbs looks like he’s gonna be good, but he’s still got a buncha Rookie in him that Coach will sweat out of him by December. The offense was dominant and used up 16:48 of the 1st-Half on three drives and were about to go up 21-3 when A Jones fumbled. To be fair to Jones, he took a helluva shot from Vita Vea that caused him to fumble … and Rodgers even blamed himself for poor ball placement. But what is it with Erin LaFleur? As soon as something goes wrong, they panic and abandon the plan. Who knows the negative plays cause bad calls by LaFleur or if it’s Rodgers who changes the plays, but they did the same thing in the Playoff loss to SF last January. We were rolling until Marcedes Lewis fumbled, and then Erin LaFleur panicked and went into a shell. But this year seems to be different … we are not 100% dependent on the Offense. Defense & Special Teams. Coach sure hopes that Keisean Nixon got hisself a game ball! That man was all over the place on Sunday. When Jaire Alexander went out early with a groin injury, Rasul Douglas slide outside and Nixon came in as the Nickel DB and he played great! Keisean demonstrates the “Peanut Punch” and forces a fumble early in the 3rd that killed a promising Bucs’ drive. You may be asking yourself, self, who the hell is Keisean Nixon (#25)? He, along with Rudy Ford (#20) and Dallin Leavit (#6), were brought in by Rich Bisaccia to beef up Special Teams, especially coverage units. Nice call Rich and well done Gutey (for bringing in his guys)! The Buc’s drive started on the 2 and they were held to ZERO Yards! The subsequent punt was returned to the Bucs 32-yard line by Amaroni Rodgers … wow … in FG range, well done Amaroni!! “However” … a BS “running into the kicker” penalty, plus an added on Illegal Block on the repeat kick, cost us a net 33-yards in field position. Crapola. With 3:04 left in Regulation Time, we punted back to Brady & the Bucs … and the collective sphincters of all Packer Nation tensed. Fast as you can say “I feel the pain of Vicki Vallencourt breaking up with me” the Bucs were in the EZ … and the score was 14-12. Crapola. And then … and then … next thing you know … another Gutey find, last year’s other scrap-heap-bargain basement find … De’Vondre Campbell … was tipping away the 2-pt conversion attempt and we win!! After three games we have the Number 6 Scoring Defense (15 ppg) and what looks to be pretty good Special Teams … we’ll take it! With the Offense at #27 we have some work to do, but with both tackles back and some pretty good young talent, Coach is very optimistic about where this team is headed! WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Brett Favre Defends Use Of State Welfare Money To Build Shelter For Homeless Volleyballs HATTIESBURG, MS—Defending his decision to divert millions in government funds to a sports center at the University of Southern Mississippi, Brett Favre told reporters Thursday that he actually used state welfare money to build a shelter for homeless volleyballs. “Sadly, the media is accusing me of stealing money from the poor, when in reality, I was using that money to construct volleyball courts to help some of the most vulnerable and disenfranchised sports equipment in our state,” said the former NFL quarterback, adding that the $5 million sports complex was specifically designed to give Mississippi volleyballs a safe environment where they could rest, find a support system, and, someday, with hard work, maybe even make it to the Olympics. “As a proud Mississippian, I promise all these welfare funds will be used appropriately to provide nets and courts to the poorest volleyballs in the nation’s poorest state. Many of these less fortunate volleyballs have led difficult lives in which they have been bumped and spiked into submission. Today, with the help of these funds, maybe the volleyballs can heal.” At press time, Favre blasted the release of text messages between himself and former Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant, claiming that a volleyball at the welfare office had assured him everything was above board. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Fans Reflexively Hold Breath Every Time Jarred Field Moves CHICAGO—Clutching the arms of their chairs and forcing themselves not to look away, the entire fanbase of the Chicago Bears was reportedly reflexively holding their breath during their game against the Houston Texans last Sunday every time 2nd year quarter back Jarred Field moved. “I can’t watch,” several Bears fans were heard to involuntarily utter whenever the 10th overall draft pick from a season ago changed directions, twisted his legs, or moved his body in any way. “Oh, god, please don’t try to escape those guys, just fall down. It’s not worth it! Did he land weird on that one? Is he okay? Oh Christ, our linemen need to stay the fuck away from him!” The Texans pass rushers, like the Packers and 49ers in preceding weeks, were not halted in the least bit by the Bears offensive line and put relentless pressure on Field, inching him ever closer to a season-ending injury. In the 3 games played, Field – the face of the Bears franchise, ranks 23rd amongst NFL quarterbacks and has only 2 TD passes versus 4 interceptions, yielding and a meager passer rating of 50.0. At press time, the entire Bears fanbase was reportedly doing research on Carson Wentz, Teddy Bridgewater, Cam Newton and Robert Griffin III, paying special attention to their success in the league following early career injuries. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Engram and Chryst Unveil Offensive Playbook Against tOSU Secretly housed for months deep within a hidden library in Science Hall under lock and key, Paul and Bobby ceremoniously removed the 2000 page leather bound and embroidered document that had been painstakingly compiled and vetted for the last 8 months. It took the two of them to heave the tome into a pickup and get it to the Camp Randall meeting room, landing on the work table with a thud. We witnessed the fruits of this epic planning mission Saturday night. TV pundits are saying that this groundbreaking and innovative playbook was instrumental in all 21 of Wisconsin’s garbage time points, which started with 13 minutes remaining in the first half, Badgers down 0-28. Here are some highlights. A Braelon Allen wildcat run led to UW’s first TD. He also completed a 10 yard pass that left the Buckeyes scratching their helmets. The zany new receiver routes were instrumental in a whopping 104 receiving yards. The new OL blocking stunts had the 3rd string Buckeye D tied in knots. Here at BU, we think that maybe the coaches’ time would have been better spent getting the team fired up and ready for the game. We can’t wait to see what excitement is in store next week against the Fighting Ill. In case you are wondering (which we were), this was not the worst loss ever by the Badgers. Even worse than the 2014 shallacking to tOSU 0-59, the worst was 0-63 against Minnesota a week after killing UW Whitewater 106-0, in 1890. Saturday’s 21-52 drubbing was really over at 0-28 and was our worst case scenario. The team just plain did not show up and did not look ready to play (for the second time this year). 52 points was the most allowed by a Leonard-coached D. Needless to say, Benton and Herbig had their draft bubbles burst on the “draft changing” night as they over-confidently dubbed it in a pre-game presser. Ten NFL reps were in the booth during the game and many more were watching on national TV. We will see how these players respond in coming weeks. Chryst's awe-shucks demeanor and humility are admirable, but Bucky needs a little fire and cockiness, somewhere between PJ Douche (always the center of attention) and the current milquetoast approach. Bucky being pretty good is getting stale. Also, one of his family members should tell him to close his mouth when not talking as his mouth-breather look is unbecoming for the head coach. Bring back the Paul "Turnover chain my fcking ass" Chryst! Bret Wins Coveted Badger Underground Prize MADISON, WI – Yes, it is true. Univerisity of Illinois Head Footbal coach, Bret Bielema has won the BU annual Mr. Creosote look-a-like contest. He is no doubt an inspiration to recovering anorexics everywhere. Dane County area Old Country Buffets have decided to go on full lockdown until Sunday night. We still like our chances to win the Big Ten West. It comes down to the Minnesota game and we won't let them win the Ax in our house (again). The guys with broken legs will be back by then, the starting tackles will be back by then and our top cover corner will be back by then. Remember that most players out there right now are part of two very good recruiting classes in a row—at least on paper. It wouldn’t surprise us if the team goes on a big winning streak starting Saturday and waltz back into the OSU woodchipper in the Big Ten championship. And, what about those FIB’s? These guys lost to Indiana. The Illinois offense is better than it was last season and UW’s defense isn’t as good as it was last season. The Syracuse QB transfer is a big upgrade, but he’s no Tony Eason. Though the running back is good, Wisconsin’s scheme full of plodders should stop him. Other than a little frickin play action, cut out the stupid stuff that cost us the Wazzu game. Time to get dialed in. This is a statement game, not a hangover game. The players don’t care that Bielema coached the Badgers when they were nine years old. Getting revenge against Bret Bielema will fall on the backs of the cantankerous old people who can remember the ancient tale of betrayal from 2012. We’ll venture 28-17 Bucky. Looking around the Big Ten, here is a word from this week’s BU sponsor, Thongwatcher USA, subsidiary of Voyeurs Anonomous, (Join Here): We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Now with the Bucs behind us, it’s “on to Cincinnati” in the famous words of Hoodie. The Patriots have started the Season 1-2, but the two losses have come against teams that are a collective 5-1. Traditionally, Hoodie uses the first part of the Season to figure out his team and then comes on strong later. But we all reach our “Sell By” date at some point, and evidence is begging to mount that the Hoodie should be thinking about greener pastures. The New England Patriots lost longtime offensive coordinator Josh McDaniel this offseason, as he left to go mismanage the Las Vegas Raiders. And, Hoodie hasn't officially named a defensive coordinator since Matt Patricia left to coach the Detroit Lions in 2018 (Patricia is back now as Obenführer der D-Line). "I'm not big on titles," Belichick said at the NFL league meetings. Bill Belichick at this week’s press conference denying that he is old and tired to be GM, Head Coach, O-Coordinator, D-Coordinator and Supervisor of Game Ball Pressure. Interesting approach Bill, but so far not a demonstrated strategy for winning. Since Tampa Tom left the Pats, they have had an unsuccessful experiment with Fig Newton at QB and then drafted Alabama QB Mac Jones at 15th overall in 2021. Coach isn’t sure why, but some have questioned Jones’ commitment to athletic training and if he “really loves football”. Mac has pretty decent career stats thus far … … and the Pats made the Playoffs with him at the helm last year. However, fussball is a pretty tough sport and Jones had an owwie last week. Apparently, the hang nail he suffered will prevent him from playing at Lambeau this week. His replacement? Funny you should ask Jimmy; Coach was wondering the same thing. Brian Hoyer. Axel Edward Brian Hoyer joined the Pats in 2009 as an undrafted free agent. He went on to start games for eight different teams, the second-most in league history (Ryan Fitzpatrick has started for 9). This is his third stint with the Pats. After making the team in 2009, he was cut in 2012, re-signed in 2017, cut in 2019 and re-signed in 2020. Overall, he has thrown for 10,000 yards, 53 TD, 35 INT’s and a Passer Rating of 82.9 Jim McMahon is probably on to something. Chicago is where QB’s go to die. Hoyer made one appearance at Lambeau in 2016 with the Bears when he proved the Bears really, really, really, really, really, really suck, the Bears still suck. Statistically (yes Jimmy, only 3 games) we match up pretty well. The Pats and us are both anemic on Offense, and they just got worse with Jones’ injury. Defensively we are doing much better and are giving up 9 fewer points per game. Add-in home field advantage and we have an almost 10-point advantage. The initial line was “only” 8.5 for the Packers, but Coach predicts the line will go beyond the current 10.5. Historically the Packers and Pats have had very few match-up and we are tied overall (including our win in SB XXXI) So, to summarize … a 1-2 team with a substandard QB and a tired Coach is coming to town on Sunday. What’s not to like? Romeo Nelson-Dubbs had a fantastic game in Tampa Bay last week, look for him to break the Packers Rookie Record of 9 catches in a game this (Max McGee, 9 in 1954), maybe even this week. The Defense will continue to dominate and probably get 2 interceptions of Hoyer in addition to a guaranteed forced fumble. Last but not least, Special Teams will continue to improve. Dec 19th, 2010, … On Sunday Night Football at Foxboro, Guard Dan Connolly exposes Packers Head Coach Melissa McCarthy’s plan to sabotage Packers Special Teams. No such luck Melissa. Your evil plan worked for over a decade, but now Rich Bisaccia and his boys to the rescue … Rudy* Ford (#40) has been an absolute killer on coverage teams ... *Rudy was in fact nick named for the movie … Coach sees our first double digit win of 2022 … a nice blow out at Lambeau. Packers 31 Pats 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them So Bakhtiari is back(ish), but Yosh Nijman has actually filled in quite nicely in David’s stead, so what do you do when you have 2 serviceable Left Tackles and 0 rock-solid Right Tackles? Yosh is just gaining confidence at LT, and he has struggled at RT in years past. Bakhtiari is a savvy veteran … why not try him over on the right side? Elgton Jenkins, an interior lineman, is doing what he can over in the Right Tackle spot, but – let’s face it, he’s no Greg Koch. Drafted in the 2nd round out of Arkansas in 1977, Koch backed up veteran right tackle Dick Himes that season and started only three games, two when Himes was hurt and one when left tackle Mark Koncar was injured. A year later, Koch beat out Himes in training camp and held the right tackle position through 1985. In nine years with the Packers, where he missed only two games and started all but four after his rookie year, Koch was never chosen for the Pro Bowl or named to an all-pro team. The closest he came was in 1982 when he was chosen second team by the Newspaper Enterprise Association. But Koch had the abiding respect of most of the players and coaches who counted on him the most. Teammate Larry McCarren said of Koch, “The man was born to drive block. Strong, athletic … he'd rip off the ball, ram his head right into the defender's numbers and knock him off the line of scrimmage. He could single-handedly punch a hole in a defense, and he did it consistently. You see a lot of grabbing on and wrestling in today's game, but with Greg, it was all about hitting folks. When it came to pass protection, he had to temper that aggression but even when making the transition from bruiser to technician he'd still find a way to get the last shove in. Greg made second-team all-pro after one season. He should have been a regular honoree, not to mention a perennial Pro Bowler." Never shy about speaking his mind, Koch didn't endear himself to every teammate and coach. He also walked out of camp for 16 days before the 1985 season over differences with new offensive line coach Jerry Wampfler. While Koch started 16 games that season and played well, he was cut on Aug. 4, 1986. A week later, he signed with Miami and started 16 games there. After a lengthy holdout in 1987, Koch signed and started one game for the Dolphins before being traded to Minnesota, where he ended his career starting at right guard in the NFC championship. After football Greg teamed up with his brothers Charles and David to form what has become the 2nd largest privately owned company in the United States (with 2019 revenues of $115 billion). Their father, Frederick, developed the preferred cracking method for the refinement of heavy crude oil into gasoline, and the boys brought that technology forward with successful distribution channels in the years leading up to the current decade, thereby facilitating energy independence for America.
So this week we salute you, Greg Koch, for knocking the snot out of Packers foes in the 1980’s and for dropping the price of gasoline to $2 per gallon in 2020.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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