Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Of course our lead story is the big new out of Minnesota last Sunday… Can Anthony Barr Recover This Season? MINNEAPOLIS-It's been a bittersweet week for Anthony Barr. First, he's on top of the world as literally hundreds of adoring Vikings fans in US Bank stadium cheered the injury of Aaron Rodgers -- a direct result of the late hit by the line backer and his subsequent driving of Rodgers' shoulder into the fake turf. Then, Barr found HIMSELF on the sideline later in the same game, concussed. A severe drop in cognitive function was apparent before halftime when Barr seemed to contort into spontaneous awkward body positions consistent with concussion-caused Spastic Cranial Uninterrupted Motor Based Abilities Grouping (a.k.a. SCUMBAG syndrome). Despite their victory over the Packers, most Vikings players were markedly somber in the locker room following the game – clearly distraught over the concussion that Anthony Barr incurred. When asked for his thoughts on Barr's injury, fellow teammate and All-Pro defensive lineman Everson Griffen said "This is, for all intents and purposes, pretty much the end of our season." And backup starting quarterback Case Keenum had similar remarks regarding Barr's impending lengthy duration out of the lineup, suggesting that "...lacing 'em up each Sunday is probably pointless now." Barr's concussion protocols could be a tricky proposition. Some players can bounce right back for the next game after a blunt force hit to the head, such as what happened to Packers swann-song wide receiver Davante Adams a week ago last Thursday. But the vast majority of NFL players, such as former Packers cornerback Sam Shields, could get knocked out of the league entirely by a mild autumn breeze if subsequently continuing to fail concussion interrogations, even despite smoking pounds of medicinal cannabis on therapeutic basement couches every day. And if all that weren’t bad enough, now Barr has been allegedly accused of sodomizing farm animals. Mildred Flapjack of Coon Rapids, Minnesota told local TV55 reporter Michael Michiels “I couldn’t believe my eyes as I was heading out to the barn, when I looked up I saw number 55 straddling Bessy’s backside!” Anonymous sources have confirmed these allegations, which has Midwestern farmers aghast and fearful for their livestock and livelihood. Rumors surfaced after Barr’s longtime friend, Leigh Harffy, let it slip in this recorded therapy session that the two of them would fondle milk cartons showing pictures of missing children, and then steal farm animals – usually sheep or bovines, for their unique method of tenderizing meat (Click on Link). The situation has rightfully provoked outrage and even threats toward Anthony Barr should he recover in time for the Christmas Eve eve game at Lambeau. Community organizer Martellus Wallace claimed “Barr’s lost all Green Bay privileges. Local dairy farmers will go medieval on his sorry ass.” Celebrities have chimed in, too. Off-again / on-again Manitowoc County inmate and Netflix superstar Steven Avery said “…the dude is just plain sick. It’s horrifying to think what he put those poor animals through. There’s a special place in hell for guys like that.” And former NFL running back Orenthal James Simpson concluded “I think he did it. The preponderance of evidence is overwhelming. That’ll be $10.” So, with his lack of cognitive brain function and the court of public opinion weighing heavily against him, can Anthony Barr get his head on straight in time for the playoffs? Well, assuming his backup can stem the tide long enough for the Vikings to muster a winning season, and presuming the Lions will present their pro forma collapse following the annual Detroit Superbowl on Thanksgiving Day, anything is possible. Bet on karma. Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme “Adversity doesn’t build character, it reveals it” - Pliny the Elder (b. Gaius Plinius Secundus) in AD 71 after his defeat in the Navel Battle of Vikingi, and later repeated by Mike Sherman the Dumbass after a self-induced debacle against the Πειρατής του βορρά on October 21st, 2001. All you need to know about the 2017 season can be told in a few illustrations. Too much of this… …led to this... …which resulted in this… ...and of course this... …and is summarized in this (the final Box Score). "So, Coach, is the season over?" No, NOTHING is over until we decide it is!! (Click on Link) As loyal readers know, Coach has been hard on Magic Mike from time-to-time and his completely incompetent Defensive-Coordinator / Bouncer-at-St.-Rita’s-Bingo-Night. But we must give Mike credit for his inspired speech and actions after the devastating injury to #12. (Click on Link) To be sure, losing Aaron Rodgers for the game to a broken clavicle was devastating. Like everyone else, Coach hopes for a 7 to 8-week recovery, as when #12 broke the left shoulder in 2013. But ’cause this time it’s his throwing side, Coach’s professional opinion is “this aint a good sign.” Important point --- we had no, none, nada, zip pressure on Case Keenum and we made the career journeyman look like a superstar. OK , slow down here, grab a pencil and take notes --- neither #12 nor #7 play on Defense. Hundley actually did pretty well under the circumstances. He was running for his life on virtually every snap. 3/5’s of the line was on the bench by the end of the game. Bulaga and Bakhtiari started, but were re-injured and Lane Taylor had his ankle rolled up in a pile. Of big concern to Coach is that B&B were limited in practice this week and Taylor didn’t practice at all on Wednesday…and don’t forget our #3 thru #5 backup tackles are on IR…hell, we even have a punter on IR. By the way, Vince Biegel, after spending the last several weeks at NuMale medical center, has finally been pulled off the Physically Unable to Perform list. But back to football… With #7 in charge the pattern under TT/MM/Big-Legume is unchanged. We have beaten the four teams we faced this year who had losing or break even records over their last 6 games, and we have lost to the two winning teams we faced. Now is the perfect opportunity for Eminem to back up last year’s proclamation that he is indeed “…one of the most successful coaches in this league.” Either that’s true, or Aaron Rodgers will prove by process of elimination that he can take any tool with a weight problem and a whistle into the playoffs. WTF - The Coach's take on football news that’s messed up NFL Ceremony Honors Retired 52-Year-Old Cornerback As Oldest Living Former Player SEATTLE—In a wildly successful attempt to garner more revenue for teams during their bye week, the NFL conducted a ceremony that filled CenturyLink Field with rabid Seahawks fans last Sunday. Eliciting a standing ovation for their longtime cornerback as he gripped his walker and slowly hobbled to midfield, the service honored 52-year-old Ronald Dutton as the league’s oldest living former player. “Ever since my father retired in 2002, he has missed being out on the field, and he would like you all to know how thrilled and excited he is to be honored by you all today,” said Dutton’s 22-year-old daughter Kayla as the hunched and visibly confused former Pro Bowler was directed to look into the camera for a photo-op with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell before gingerly attempting to lift his arm and wave to the roaring crowd. “We would like to thank the NFL for taking the time to salute their alumni, especially when those like my father have so little time left. Though as happy as he is today, I just know he wishes all of his teammates were still alive to be here with him.” Following the ceremony, Dutton’s family reportedly returned him to his assisted living home after the Seahawk’s great drifted to sleep in the stands during a 7-minute video clip of his career highlights played on the stadium’s giant screen in the north end zone. The Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof When you’re the butt of Rob Riggle’s jokes every Sunday on Fox’s pregame show, you’re either Terry Bradshaw or da Sheekahgoa Bears… Too F’ing hilarious to pass up! (Click on Link) Bears Kicker: “I’m not gay, I just like to slow dance up close with guys.” BALTIMORE-Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but Bears placekicker Connor Barth is not gay. The fabulous eight-year veteran baller said as much on Chicago’s 670 THE SCORE radio show during a post-game phone interview from the steamy locker room after Sunday’s victory over the Ravens. “I just put it out there and asked Mitchell if he wanted to dance, that’s all. It’s not like I tried to kiss him or told him that I liked him or anything. Why, did he say something?” When asked about the awkward moment on the field, rookie quarterback Mitchell Tryburntskin laughed it off and said “I told him to get in line behind everyone else!” Rival GM Ted Thompson was reportedly interested in Barth when current Green Bay placekicker Mason Crosby uncharacteristically struggled making kicks 3 years ago. Recently, Crosby missed a couple of “gimme” extra point tries that almost cost the Packers their victory in Dallas. When asked if the overall success and long term contract of Crosby was a barrier to entertaining the thought of having Barth at camp in Green Bay next summer, Thompson smiled and winked saying “…no, I’m still interested in him.” Udder Stuff - commentary from the Badger Underground Are these Badgers for real? Are they coasting through games and hiding their true talent? We sure hope so! Last Saturday was pretty painful to watch as Bucky made a game of it against the Boil Lancers of Purdue. What a relief it was when we had that red zone pick late in the game and the Water Heater Fabricators knockin’ on the door. Even though at no point did the Badger Underground staff feel we were going to blow the Boilerpopper game, but the adage that “bad things happen when you turn the ball over” bit us multiple times, leaving the underdog hanging around and believing in themselves. Hornibrook came out threading the needle on two early passes, providing the illusion that he could continue to do so and get away with it. Pick #1 was thrown into a crowd of defenders. Yes, Danny Davis III ran the wrong route, but it would have been him vs. 2-3 defenders for a 50/50 ball. Hornibrook’s other pass that should not have been thrown took place on a screen route. It was obvious to everyone in Camp Randall & those watching the game at home that the play was well defended and going nowhere. It shoulda been thrown into the ground or outta bounds for the cry yi yi! Despite these self-destructive tendencies, Wisconsin did put up 494 yards of offense on a rainy day. If Jonathon Taylor had not fumbled near Purdue’s goal line, Wisconsin would have gone up 24-9, Taylor would not have sat out the next series and would have increased the likelihood of reaching his thousand yard in six games record. Hornibrook did pass for almost 200 yards and completed some huge third down passes late in the game to ensure the win. The most important was to Kendrick Pryor for 20 yards on third & 12 late in the game, preventing a final Purdon’t possession. Jonathon Taylor needs to share some tough guy pills with Braderick Shaw. He ended last year and came into this year with the most burst of any RB on our roster. Yeah, an early knee injury slowed him, but carry opportunities due to other RB injuries are going to waste. Taylor runs through arm tackles like they are high-fives, while Shaw gets taken down regularly with arm tackles. Regarding our previous mention of the vanishing Jazz Peavy, it was finally disclosed that he has been dealing with a leg injury for a few weeks. Third down go-to man turned decoy Fumigalli had zero targets probably due to continuing hamstring issues and a wet field. Cephus continues to dazzle with speed and good hands not seen in the Badgers offense for a few years. Too bad greater effort was not made to accelerate his development a year ago (before the 2nd half of the Ohio State game) when Wisconsin needed him the most and had all the other pieces in place for a playoff contender. Wisconsin’s offensive issues are correctable and yes, they would have triggered defeat at the hands of Penn State or Ohio State were those teams in Madison last weekend. There is plenty of time to clean that stuff up, but the ill-advised picks thrown by Hornibrook the last two weeks are coming at a time when he should be improving, not lapsing. Exceeding that sloppiness has been the rash of illegal procedure calls, particularly over the last two weeks. We don’t recall ever seeing anything like this since Barry arrived at Wisconsin. Wisconsin teams are typically disciplined, commit few penalties and take care of the ball. Focus boys, focus! Defensively, Wisconsin went vanilla after losing T.J. Edwards to targeting and losing Loudermilk to injury. Purdue took advantage, moving the ball and eating clock before their own self-destructive tendencies took over. The drop off from Edwards was noticeable as we got shoved around a bit. We go into the Maryland game as 24-point favorites. Maryland has three first string QBs and a playmaking receiver. They are down to their third string QB, but he can put up some numbers. They have beaten Texas and a Minnesota team in transition. Their problem is that they can’t stop the run or pass and can’t get to opposing QBs. This all plays into Wisconsin’s hands, with the inability to get to Hornibrook being a key to fluffing up those second half red zone conversion and QB rating statistics that were racked up against similar lesser defenses. We are still looking for the bubble screen and other TE plays that were a staple under Paul Chryst as OC. Even with Fumigalli’s injury, we have other TE’s who can catch the ball. It was cool to see Garrett Groshek come in as QB and run the ball twice for 32 yards. We see some stunt pounding formations with Garrett the true freshman from Amherst Junction along with Brad Shaw and Taylor and double TE’s. We call it the Oreo formation, the Wisconsin version of the wishbone. We finally get it together this Saturday against yet another lesser opponent. Dry field, 70 degrees, students late arriving, one turnover, one procedure penalty, no Hornibrook interceptions, Wisconsin 49, Maryland 17. We're gonna kick your a$$ - predictions for the next game The Saints have been on a roll of late and have won three games in a row in very strong fashion. In a surprise to Coach, they are actually #5 in Point Differential, while we fell to #14 after last week’s loss. “So does that means we will lose, Coach?” Hell no! Coach doesn’t care if 3/5’s of the OL is out and if Morgan Burnett is out at Safety. This is a real-man’s game, and real teams play and win with who they have on the field. Brett Hundley has been tutored by Mike McCarthy for 3 years and has an outstanding set of WR/TE’s, plus Aaron Jones in the backfield with him. The Packers probably have the fastest backfield in the NFL this week. Brett part deaux had a chance to practice with these folks, something the #2 QB doesn’t normally do during the season. It was evident Wednesday in the Don Hutson center that Martellus Bennett is already very comfortable dropping passes from Hundley. There are plenty of nay-sayers out there, and the Vegas line swung by 12 points (from Packers favored by 6 to now being 6 point dogs)…but Coach doesn’t care. We have a very good team with Super Bowl aspirations -- and we are playing at home, against the ’Aints. New Orleans has been taking the Packers lightly after the news of Aaron Rodgers going onto the IR; so lightly in fact that they substituted their regular practice regimen for a hacky-sack exhibition with the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team! For chrypes sakes, hey - we gotta hand it to dese guys. Count on me and all my inebriated bleacher-mates to pour deafening screams onto Drew Brees at high noon on Sunday, and that will make a difference. But perhaps not as much of a difference as the confidence that 3-star Mike has instilled in his players. (Click on Link) Nobody cares about injuries when it comes time to receive either your Lombardi or Participation trophy at the end of the year. Losing Aaron Rodgers is tough, but Packer fans, suck it up: New Orleans is next. GPB: 24 Aint’s: 21 “…just win baby” – Al Davis JB - Packers you forgot about, but stories you'll remember about them A lot can happen in 40 years… …but one thing hasn’t changed, Coach’s fond memories of his childhood idol in the Packers backfield, the blocker for Big John Brockington, unsung hero at fullback and number 1 pick by the Packers (soon after he blew his knee out in the college all-star game) in 1974, Barty Smith! There are some memorable names on my 1977 bubble gum card – I loved watching them all every Sunday at noon (the Packers weren’t good enough to get afternoon or Monday night games back then). And look at those stats! Which 2017 Packers are going to surpass 8 sacks, much less the 16 total that Dave’s Pureifory and Roller put up? Nicked Perry had 8 last year, but the $42 million hairdo with the wayward drone toy only had 5. And although another one of Coach’s all-time fav’s is Steve Odom, this week’s focus from the 1977 team stats leaders will be on Barty Smith, who had an underwhelming 554 yards rushing that year and less than 2,000 yards over 6 years. But he was a fullback and did a ton of blocking for John Brockington and Terdell “Turd Burglar” Middleton while trying to keep John Hadl off his own backside. By way of comparison, Ty Montgomery only had 457 yards last year. Anyway, enough with that crap. I betcha didn’t know Barty comes from a show biz family: And fullback Barty is not to be confused with wide receiver Barry Smith, who was a major flop as the Packers 1st round pick in 1973, and more infamously the illegitimate step-brother of Sonny Bono: Barty was a tough guy. Green Bay loved him for it and he loved them back. Said Barty of his years in GB, ““I lasted six years and we weren’t very good, but I remember fondly the way we were taken in by the people there. As mediocre as we were, we were treated exceptionally. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be there now as Super Bowl champions. That boggles the mind.”
After football, Barty parlayed his acquired affection for beer in Green Bay to land a lucrative sales job as a VP selling Coors, Corona, and other watery brews. You know, like making love in a canoe… Anyways, hats off to Barty Smith, and may the Packers play this week like he did (except that this time we win)! Now let’s go martyr the Saints.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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