Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Changing the clocks back and forth an hour is stupid. In other words, “springing ahead” and “falling back” are a pain in the ass and make no sense. One would think someone’s gotta be getting rich off of this senseless stupidity, but Coach has run the numbers and – it’s official, nobody wins. Getting up at 4am to bow hunt during the rut sucks a lot more than getting up at 5am, you know that. And regular people that don’t hunt also like the extra hour of daylight during normal living hours, so let’s just leave the clocks there. Even worse, “falling back” 1-hour is a nightmare for the Packers. That’s right, the Packers have now lost 7 straight games that have occurred the weekend of the end of Daylight Savings Time. “Why?” you ask … well, in case you forgot, the Green Bay Packers were cursed by the Sokaogon tribe ever since the infamous Esox spearing incident of 2014 at Pensaukee Shoal. Since then, the Packers are doomed never to win on a Daylight Savings Time day ever again until they field a top ten defense. Is the curse real? Yes, it is. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme 28-22 Vikings … you just have to be f’ng kidding me! The talk all week was “we won’t overlook the Vikings Coach; they are the best 1-5 team in the NFL”. We had a lot of injuries…but the Vikings as many or more and had basically no secondary. Did we exploit it? No. And it was really windy, so it was hard for us Coach! Oh wait, the Vikings had to play in the wind too. Honestly, dear readers, the biggest disappointment in this game was that they simply played harder than we did and they wanted to win the game more than we did. Football is many things, but ultimately it has to be played with great emotion and drive…and we didn’t show up. Coach is getting more and more skeptical that this team is going anywhere this year. This play is all you need to know about the game: Look anything like the Camaro run down in Nawlin’s? Yup, same deal. OK, short week, short article, gonna go way light on the stats here. So what happened? 1st Half we played to an “un-even* 14-14 tie” *more on that later The 3rd Quarter we self-destructed, and they kicked our asses all over the field. They outscored us 14-0 (28-14 @ end of 3rd), but it might as well have been 35-0. Disgusting. The 4th Quarter we had better statistics and closed a bit of the distance, 8-0 (28-22), but the game was never close and we didn’t pass the eye-test. Coach, what do you mean by an “un-even” tie in the 1st Half? Well Billy, even though both teams scored 2 TD’s and we led 17:24 to 12:36 in TOP, they averaged 6.4 yards/play! We struggled to move down the field on Offense. We got some help with penalties and just squeaked into the EZ twice. On the other hand, the Queens had no such trouble…they just jammed it down our throats over-and-over. The 3rd Qtr Meltdown The 2nd half opened perfectly! JK Scott was handling kickoff duty due to Mason Crosby’s back injury and he had a beautiful squib kick into the wind. That put the Queens 1st & 10 on their own 11-yard line; perfect time for a 3 & Out and to take control of the game! So much for the taking advantage of the opportunity. This play set the stage for the rest of the game. Our tackling was atrocious for the total game and simply non-existent in the 3rd quarter. Cook had 30 carries for 163 yards and 3 rushing TD’s, to which he added 2 receptions for 63 yards and a receiving TD. Kirby Cousins only attempted 14 passes, he didn’t need to throw any more than that, and he had a 138.1 passer rating. Disgusting According to one report, Derwood Cook was hit at-or-behind the LOS 12 times and had a career high 94 yards after contact. What does that mean? Well at least one guy was there every time and in fantastic position to miss the tackle. Simply Disgusting. Apparently, the Offense didn’t want to get upstaged by the D for sloppy play. We had 2 possessions in the 3rd-Qtr and held the ball for 8:05 TOP vs. 6:55 and 2 possessions for the Queens. They scored 14 points, we scored 0. But we did manage: 3 holding penalties for 30 yards on Offense 2 dropped passes 2 Defensive Pass Interference penalties for 25 yards. Man that kind of crap killed every drive for us and extended their drives. Coach could not be more P.O.’d with such a lackluster, unenthusiastic and uninspired performance. Coach would make these “professionals” run a couple of laps while riding behind them in the golf cart, kicking their asses all the way around the practice field. Don’t worry, this won’t happen, Petite Fleur doesn’t have the cajones. Meanwhile, up on the Top Floor at Lambeau, Mr. Murphy was busy polishing participation trophies while pointing out that the “1-win” Falcons, the “1-Win” Bengals also won. Disgusting Loser Talk, Coach won’t stand for it. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Former GM Thompson Involved In Senior Living Altercation Galveston, TX—Former Packers General Manager Theodore “Ted” Thompson was involved in a scuffle that went to fist-to-cuffs outside the Trembling Hills Senior Living Home in Bayou Vista last Tuesday morning. Unidentified sources confirmed that Thompson flipped over the food tray of fellow Trembling Hills resident Paul Barer when Barer suggested that Thompson’s move back 4 spots and out of the 1st round of the 2017 draft to acquire Kevin King plus extra 4th round selection Vince Biegel – instead of taking standout Wisconsin linebacker TJ Watt before the Steelers scooped him up at #30 overall, was a huge mistake. “When my lime Jello cup hit the floor I told Thompson ‘Let’s take this outside!’” said Barer. Thompson could not be reached for comment, but told reporters that Barer was a “beady-eyed prick” that had it coming. Fact checkers have confirmed – in Barer’s defense, however, that he had a reasonable argument to make. Since joining the Steelers, Watt has been selected to the PFWA All-Rookie Team, and twice been voted to the Pro Bowl (2018, 2019), including 1st-team All-Pro honors. So far in 2020, TJ Watt is Pro Football Focus’ highest graded edge defender, besting big name talents Myles Garrett and Khalil Mack (not to mention both of the Smith Bros. in Green Bay). In contrast, the oft injured Kevin King has yet to play every game in a single season with the Packers, and has zero NFL honors to his name. In fact, the cornerback has about the same number of passes defended and interceptions as linebacker Watt, but 14 fewer forced fumbles and 40 fewer sacks. Vince Biegel was cut from the Packers as a rookie, signed to the Saints practice squad the following year and then was traded to the Dolphins, where he immediately ruptured his Achilles tendon and was placed on IR for the 2020 season. At press time Thompson was reportedly eating the leather backing off the tongue of his right sneaker while mumbling what passers-by describe as “random death threats.” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Gardener In Background During Kaepernick Workout Signed By Bears Chino Hills, CA—In a desperation move to find a viable quarterback for the remainder of the 2020 season, Chicago Bears general manager Ryan Pace met with Colin Kaepernick to work him out on Tuesday. In an unexpected turn of events, the gardener taking care of the sideline turf during that tryout was eventually signed by the Bears as a lineman. After noticing the man's speed, raw strength, and dedication, Pace determined that Horacio Garcia, 34, would be a better asset for the team as an offensive lineman protecting the quarterbacks they have than having Kaepernick run their offense. Pace also immediately released their current groundskeeper in order to ease financial pressure on the cash-strapped organization. "Well, I'm a simple man who likes mowin' lawns, trimmin' hedges, and a cold beer after work," Garcia told reporters. "I hope I'm an asset to the organization. They're bumping me up to a better mower model, too, one of them ride-on deals. Yeah, I'm lookin' forward to the games too, I suppose. I just pretend the other team's linemen are particularly tough tree roots and push right through." Garcia is being called a prodigy by the Chicago Sun Times sports reporting staff editor. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky vs. Purdue cancelled. Set your sights on Michigan! Until then, the whitetail rut is in full swing. On Wisconsin! ADVERTISEMENT We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game OK, on to happy talk now. We are 2.5-point favorites! So Vegas says we’re gonna win!! Rodgers is P.O.’d and embarrassed by the Vikings game, he’s going to be on fire and will lead us to a win. Of course we say that every week, but we really mean it this time. Not enough to convince you? Well Davante Adams is P.O.’d and embarrassed by the Vikings game, he’s going to be on fire and will lead us to a win. Of course Coach says that kind of thing every week, but we really, really mean it this time. Not enough to convince you? Well Aaron Jones is (likely) to be back. He’s P.O.’d and embarrassed by the Vikings game, he’s going to be on fire and he will lead us to a win. Of course Coach says that kind of thing every week, but we really, really, really mean it this time. Not enough to convince you? Well the defense is P.O.’d and embarrassed by the Vikings game, they are going to be on fire… …oh hell, even Coach can’t keep a straight face on this one. What we do have going for us is that even though AJ Dillion will be taking a Covidfefe Vacation this week, the Niners are down even more running backs so we have a shot at making a tackle on a Niners RB. And, Jimmy Garoppolo is playing crappy on an injured ankle. He and Kittle both had to leave the Niners-Seattle game last Sunday and both are reportedly going to miss several weeks. Coach hopes that likely having the Niners backup QB in the game will help us a lot. Coach, who is the backup? Oh, some guy from Southern Miss who wears No. 4. Wait, what? Yes. Nick Mullens is in his 3rd year and has thrown for 852 yards and 4 TD’s in 2020. But like another #4 QB from Mississippi, he throws a lot of picks (3 so far this year)! Not enough to convince you? In a one-time-only special for the Niners. Coach is resurrecting Wayne Simmons for this game only. We won’t have “fixed” the team on a short week, but we are going to win. Both Teams have a ton of injuries at key positions, but we have Rodgers. If we can stay even with them on penalties, turnovers and mistakes we will win going away. Let Coach put it to you like this, we have to or you might as well just plan other things to do every Sunday from here on out until you get over it…worry not, we’re most likely probably gonna win for sure! Bet your neighbors’ house on this one! Packers 27 Niners 24 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them With the rut in full swing this week, Coach thought it would be fun to take a look back at another hunter ... Scott Hunter, that is. He, like Bart Starr, went to Alabama, and also played quarterback for the Packers in 1971. Selected in the 6th round of the 1971 Draft, Hunter filled in for the injured Bart Starr and for the injured Zeke Bratkowski in his rookie year (good thing we drafted Jordan Love, right?). In 1972 as the starter, Hunter led the team to its first division title since 1967 (10-4), including wins over the reigning Super Bowl champion Dallas Cowboys, and the NFC West Division champion San Francisco 49ers. But Scott Hunter also carved out a unique place in football history that year…
It’s a record that has stood the test of time for 5 decades, but did Don Shula’s Miami Dolphins really win EVERY game that season? Nope. In the summer of 1972 Scott Hunter was locked in battle with the Packers #1 draft pick Jerry Tagge for the quarterback position for Green Bay. On August 12, 1972 the Packers traveled to Miami for a preseason game against the Dolphins and won 14-13 on a touchdown pass by Hunter in the closing seconds. “That game was a dress rehearsal for the regular season,” Hunter said. “Shula put in Greise, Warfield, Kiick, Csonka, all their starters and we played our starters, too. I played the whole game. Late in the game we had the ball on our 13-yard line and Bart signaled in a play action fake to John Brockington and I thought ‘this is brilliant.’ The whole Miami defense was expecting John to get the ball, even Jake Scott cheated up. I faked the ball to John, stepped back and Dave Davis ran the post and I hit him in stride – he went 87 yards for a touchdown and we won.” That’s pretty cool. So today we salute you, Scott Hunter! And if YOU are a hunter, good luck tagging out with your bow before the nut jobs in orange take over the woods.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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