Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: If the NFL wants to get rid of helmet-to-helmet contact, get rid of helmets. I’m glad the NFL is trying to reduce repetitive head trauma. It seems like there are terrible consequences some players must live with long after they’ve left the game. Sorta like getting lung cancer 20-years after you’ve completely switched to heroin. But I digress… An easy way to prevent repeated, intentional helmet-to-helmet collisions is also a simple way … just get rid of the helmet. Nobody “speared” before helmets were worn. The spherically-shaped plastic helmet became a new weapon on the gridiron, long-since embraced by league officials under the guise of player safety; yet, there are no statistics that confirm NFL player head injuries are less common or less significant since the leather cap was replaced. Look at other physically engaging sports like rugby and Aussie-rules football ... they don’t wear helmets, and you don’t see their veterans eating TV dinners through a straw. There is, however, mountains of evidence that the helmet’s symbiotic roommate, the facemask, has substantially reduced broken noses and loss of teeth. Coach is starting to wonder if this whole helmet thing is really just a smoke-and-mirrors support frame to protect the marketability of pretty-boy faces in the NFL. That’s where the big bucks are made, after all. Perhaps the NFL and Player’s Association have been focused on the wrong target. Instead of making it more difficult to cause brain damage when getting hit in the melon (which paradoxically enables an increased frequency in harder blows), perhaps they should simply figure out a way to protect teeth and noses while wearing a leather cap. That would result in real tackling, reduce the frequency of cranial compressions, and preserve handsome mugs for the cover of Gentlemen’s Quarterly. …At least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme 23-10 Win, overcoming: ✅ ViQueens Humpty-Dump-II Stadium Crowd ✅ 3-giveaway deficit in 1st Half ✅ Poor sportsmanship by the Queens We are now are: ✅ NFC North Champs ✅ Locked-in for at least one Home Playoff Game ✅ Controlling our Destiny for No. 2 Seed ✅ Legit contenders for No. 1 Seed {Seachickens need to beat Niners at Seaturd Bowel Stadium on Sunday Night} In addition to the win, the Packers held a team-building event at Vikings Commemorative Gallery on Monday afternoon. This event is held by the Packers every decade in reverence to the evolution of these historic NFL franchises. Poor sportsmanship? That’s the Vikings, alright… Point 1 … the ViQueens were so worried about the outcome of the game, they “Packed-in” 502 more people than the fire code permitted when they realized that their Stadium holds 14,000 fewer people than Lambeau. (Recall the snow caving in the roof of Humpty-Dump-I Stadium in 2013? Well, the Minnesota morons built Humpty-Dump-II in 2016 with a capacity of only 67,157. Lambeau is unquestionably a bucket-list destination for all football fans. The Humpty-Dump? That is on no one’s bucket list.) Point 2 … the Coaching Staff of the Queens is now teaching poor sportsmanship. After a play is dead you either have to give the ball back to a referee or leave it on the ground where it has been downed. If any other player moves it away from the convenience of the referee it is an automatic 5-yard delay of game penalty WTF? Point 3 … poor sportsmanship comes from the top. Cousins is a bad QB who just got his ass kicked and his 0-8 MNF record extended to 0-9, but compare his handshake with Rodgers to that of Zimmerman. Coach was right to point out last week: “Even with all of those stats, Vegas doesn’t trust the Queens!” Point 4 … unprompted, the owner of Nicky’s, a renowned Packer Bar in De Pere asked Coach “Who do you think are the worst fans in the NFL?” …and then he answered his own question with “the Vikings.” Coach went on a mission over the last month asking several random fans the same question. Result? 100% said Vikings. The Minneapolis and National Press had this to say about the game: “Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins fell to 0-9 on ‘Monday Night Football.’ The more he struggled, the more he was booed; the longer the Vikings struggled, the louder the “Go Pack Go” chants rang through the stadium.” “The majority of the announced 67,157 in attendance — a record for a Vikings game at U.S. Bank Stadium — had long since filed out on Monday night, save for a group of several dozen Packers fans who congregated above the tunnel in the stadium’s southwest corner. They chanted ‘Go Pack Go’ …” “Not since the 2018 season (and never for the Vikings’ biggest rivals) had the stadium felt so friendly to a visitor. The Vikings entered the day as the NFL’s only undefeated team at home, facing a Packers team that hadn’t won in the building in three tries...” Pretty frickin’ great for the Pack and thier faithful, and for Aaron Rodgers who very publicly pronounced it was sweet to get a win where he had been jeered after being injured in 2017. It’s official… …Detroit is pathetic …the Bears Suck …the Vikings are just bad people and their fans worse. And now to the Game… On 3rd & 5 at the Packers 30, on the 3rd play of the game, Aaron Jones fumbled and ViQueens took over on the 10-yard line. Right out of the gate it felt like Oct. 15th, 1984. In that game, the Packers fumbled on the first two offensive plays and the Broncos returned both for TD’s, the only time ever in NFL history that the D opened with two scores in two plays. The Packers turned the ball over 3 more times, but otherwise controlled the game in a 17-14 loss. OK…now you are smarter. The Defense Little did we all know how much Za’Darious Smith was pissed-off about being snubbed for the annual NFL Probowl joke. The Queens got 5 yards on 1st down and then on 2nd down ZDS went off. Take a close look at this one… …Preston Smith (91) drops into a short zone coverage, Dean Lowry (94) and Tyler Lancaster are in coverage as well and ZD Smith comes barreling in for Cousins. Does he intentionally throw at FB CJ Ham’s feet? I dunno, but it’s great to see that all 314 pounds of Kenny Clark has him covered like a DB!! After disappearing for several weeks, the Defense came back on fire, led by ZDS, who went crazy for 7 tackles, 3.5 sacks and 5 tackles-for-loss. ZDS led the day and is clearly the most inspirational leader on that side of the ball since Wood (RIP Long-Hair, in hindsight we should have gotten rid of him after the 2012 Season). We once again have a Top-10 D, ranked No. 9 at just under 20 points a game. Recall, Coach told you last week that our Defense has a new secret weapon, moving Dean Lowry from the D-Line to Free Safety. And, as it turns out, Dean Lowry is now tied for 21st ranking in “Passes Defended” over the last two weeks. Not too shabby. Unreal, anyway Lowry’s knockdown on the first play of the Queen’s 2nd possession held them to 2nd and long and eventually a punt. In a sign of just how serious they seem to be getting on D, let’s give Lowry some credit for starting to play the run better. Recall that earlier in the season, Coach called him out several times for going to high against the OL and making tackles 5-yards down field (or pulling runners into the end zone). He’s actually still a little bit high here, but give him credit, he’s stuffing the run. Way to go Deano! Also please recall that Coach told you last week the Queens always choke in big games. The Pack completely shut down the No. 5 Scoring Offense. The D was put into some bad positions by the offense and they were able to put together their best performance of the season. The Minnesota offense had 139 yards total with an average of only 2.6 yards per play. They also had just seven first downs the entire game, went 4 of 15 on third downs, and Diggs and Thielen were basically non-factors. Overall it was a dominating defensive performance. Thirdly, as completely predicted by Coach, Kirk Cousins played QB for the ViQueens. 22:28 TOP for Cousins, nuf said. He sucks, he was harassed all day and did absolutely squat. {And his back-up QB, Steve Diggs, was 0-1...BTW, How TF can his QBR be 39.6 when he goes 0-1? Ironically, Mitch Trubisky has had worse! Perhaps a topic for another episode of The Show!!!} Actually, to be fair, Kissin Cousins did have one good pass. While the pass was really good, it still should have been defended. Notice two things on this TD, Alexander doesn’t get his head around when Diggs turns his head back and secondly, he doesn’t use the big screen. Chris Carter taught Randy Moss how to use the field-level big screen to watch any play unfold and only turn his head when the ball got close. Well Alexander will learn in time and Coach is certain that next time this kind of pass will be knocked away. What about Special Teams? Yup, we got’em. They are now officially good enough for the Playoffs. AJ Scott averaged 46.8 yards punting while dropping 2 inside the 20. He pinned back the Vikings on all 5 of his punts. Ervin looks like he’s going to break a punt return for a TD and Crosby was 3 for 3 on FG’s. He did miss an extra point…there’s always something to work on. And the Offense? If Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Jones and Davante Adams are the best players on offense and the team’s only hope of moving the ball consistently (sarcasm), how on earth are they supposed to win a big game when they each have a turnover in the 1st half? (See Defense above.) Did Rodgers have a good game or a bad game? Coach lets you, the educated reader, decide. Clearly this ball is a bit late, short and behind Davante Adams. Put this one on Rodgers, this is not what we are used to seeing… And this one, WTF? For the last several years Rodgers has developed a bad habit of holding the ball too long, waiting for the home run. He hits it once in a while, but more often than not he takes a stupid sack. Let’s be clear, this is a stupid sack, the ball should have been thrown into Row 15, Seat 7. “That’s a little bit harsh, Coach.” Well, maybe. On this one AR slightly overthrows Vitale, or does he? A bit after this clip AR argues for a defensive holding call, which you can kind of see 5-yards downfield, but Coach thinks it’s a miss. I know, blasphemy! This one is probably the most debatable, but Coach thinks this is one of AR’s best throws of the game. The Packers are at the MN 1-yard line with 7 seconds left and no TO’s. In the normal camera shot the ball clearly is a bit behind Adams, not too different from the earlier INT. BUT, the pylon-cam-side-view shows that if the ball were in front of Adams, he would have been pushed out short of the goal line. Rodgers puts the ball in the only place that could be caught for a TD or fall harmlessly. Coach’s ruling? Good throw, one-second left for a FG, which Crosby kicked to end the the 2nd Qtr. Hallelujah, Petite Fleur is learning, he kicked the FG!! This is a really, really good sign that Matty is improving, too! So what the hell is going on with our Offense? We progressed steadily through the first half of the Season, peaking at the No. 7 ranking in points scored after we beat the Chiefs. Everything seemed to be on-track with the predictions from Rodgers and LaFleur that the Offense would be a work-in-progress throughout the year. But then Davante came back. The first four games of the Season we had the 20th ranked offense, scoring 21.3 points a game, then Adams got hurt. For the four games he was gone we actually had the No. 2 ranked offense, scoring 32.5 points/gm. Since he’s been back, we are in the bottom 10, scoring only 19.7 points/gm. Cause or effect? Coach doesn’t know, Coach doesn’t care. But it’s obviously not Adams’ fault; rather, it’s a combination of Rodgers and LaFleur not calling and executing the plays as well when Adams is suited up, AND, we’ve had a ton of dropped balls. In tiny stretches the Offense has looked good, so we all know it’s possible. Maybe the best news out of this game is that we won a game with a -2 turnover differential and ARod’s worst passer rating of the year: 68.3. Coach is convinced this is one of those games that McCarthy would have lost. So how did we win this game? Aaron Jones. According to Aaron Jones, Anthony Barr harassed him after his fumble, saying: "The lights are too bright for you. Get off the field. You're sorry." That definitely got me going," said Jones, who has run for 339 yards and five touchdowns over his last three games. As you can see in the chart, he definitely got stronger as the game went on. Aaron Jones also dominated the Vikings for the Season, his 2019 totals for both games are: 46 carries for 270 yards, 5.9 yards/carry avg and three rushing TD’s. In the NFL this year teams are 80-9 when having a +2-turnover differential, and the Queens were 3-0 this year with +2. Are we good or are they bad? Coach thinks we’re good. In the three possessions following turnovers, the Queens had 37 yards on 11 plays and 10 points. This is the only game we’ve won this year with a negative turnover differential. The only reasons this game was remotely close for more than 1 quarter were the turnovers. Other than that, the Pack controlled this game from start to finish. GB had more first downs, GB was better on third downs, GB had more total yards and more yards per play, more plays, and GB dominated time of possession. Pick a stat and there is a good chance the Packers dominated it. 10-3 Vikings at 13:31 in the 2nd Qtr and then 20-0 Packers rest of the way…Coach is starting to believe that this is a team that can win in the Playoffs. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Chiefs Lose Helmets, Nearly Forfeit Game Foxborough, MA—A couple of weeks ago the Kansas City Chiefs visited Gillette Stadium and beat the New England Patriots. What you might not know, however, is that they almost had to forfeit that game! Just hours before kickoff, the Chiefs realized some of the team’s equipment had accidentally been shipped 4-hours away to Newark, N.J. So Riddell, the company that makes the Chiefs’ helmets, reached out to a local source for help: Masconomet’s Elizabeth Warren High School athletic director Joe Swanson. When he heard his phone buzz early Sunday morning, Swanson let it go to voicemail. After 15 seconds, the phone buzzed again. It was the representative from Riddell and Swanson eventually answered, not knowing the entire AFC playoff picture might've hung in the balance. “There's a big snafu. I need to get down to Masco, and if it's possible could we use your helmets for the game?” It was as good a match as Riddell could find on such short notice. The Chiefs wanted their new gear to look as close to the original red and white arrowhead as possible, so Masco’s helmets seemed like the perfect fit. The only difference being the Masconomet high school has an “FP” inside its “Fighting Pocahonti” arrowhead, and the NFL Chiefs have a “KC’ inside theirs. Swanson phoned a school janitor to allow them to take as many helmets as they needed to help avoid a forfeiture. The Riddell rep showed up shortly thereafter -- with a state police escort. Those similar-looking helmets were collected and they showed up just in time! But so did Kansas City's missing equipment bags, with time to spare. So we'll likely never know how much cranial damage can be done when high school football helmets are used on the extra-large heads of NFL players. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Fan Wears Mahomes Jersey To Troll Team CHICAGO—The national Sunday Night Football audience enjoyed the splendor of the Bears’ suckitude as they experienced another beat down; this time at home, at the hands of the Kansas City Chiefs. It wasn’t easy for Bears fans who long for a quarterback as dynamic as Kansas City's Patrick Mahomes. The fact Chicago could've selected the 2018 NFL MVP in the 2017 NFL Draft doesn't make it any better. That’s right, Bears GM Ryan Pace traded UP from #3 to #2 with San Francisco to snatch Mitchell Trubisky from the arms of the two other main quarterback-needy teams, the Kansas City Chiefs and the Houston Oilers. Of course, MitchDog1 is feeding near the bottom of QB rankings this year (again), while Kansas City’s Mahomes (#9 overall pick in 2017) and Houston’s Deshaun Watson (#12 that same year) are in the top five. However, there's at least one Bears fan who's taken it upon himself to change history. This football fan created a custom Bears No. 15 jersey with Mahomes' name on the back. Looks real, doesn’t it? But this is the Bears we’re talking about, so that's the closest they’re ever gonna get to actually seeing a good quarterback in one of those jerseys. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground BU Rose Bowl Preview Rose Bowl participants have decended upon California to prepare for the Grand Daddy Of Them All. Here’s an early look at the best from both sides, and some inside information about the event… We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Don’t expect to see too much of whatever this is on Sunday… It will be the 181st meeting of the Packers and the Portsmouth Spartans since the two teams first met on November 2nd, 1930. The Pack hammered the Spartans that day 47-13, a rivalry that the Packers are leading 100-72-7, with an average score of 21-18. The once-proud organization has never won a NFC North Title and last won the NFC Central Division in 1993, and has had only 8 winning seasons in the 26 years since. The 2019 Season has been a dumpster fire for the Spartans. They started strong, but peaked in Week 3 with a 2-0-1 record and it’s been downhill since then. The Packers beat them in Lambeau in Week 5 to even their record at 2-2-1, revealing their annual evolution into Pussy Cats, and they’ve since slid down into the nadir of Smelly Cats. It’s hard to hate a team that is so pathetic. It’s hard to generate any emotion beyond bemused and sympathetic… Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Current Coach – Patricia, Matt -- was hired away from the Pats where he was the Defensive Guru under Hoody. Like most protégé’s of Hoody, it turns out he is not so hot on his own. He is now the 20th out of 28 Lions Coaches who have had losing records and has done nothing to wash away the stench of losing. Ironically Wayne Fontes is known in Detroit as their “last good Coach” (because of the NFC Central Title), and he had a losing record!! What has happened? What caused the Lions to go through more QB tryouts (11) for 2019 than the Bears tried Place Kickers (9)? Starting QB Matthew Stafford has been a perennial “good” QB and has had a ton of money thrown his way, but he got his spine cracked in game 8 this year. Jeff Driskel replaced him for 3 games, his 0-3 stint ended with him on injured reserve suffering a hamstring injury. Coach understand hammies. Trust me. It’s hard to find a QB that can do all the tasks on the field that Stafford was asked to do. The Smelly Cats have now entrusted that position to David Blough. Blough’s first game was on Thanksgiving when he feasted on some errant Bear coverages early in his record-setting first quarter. After that he was erratic with a number of throws and he finished 22 of 38 for 280 yards and two touchdowns. He threw a late interception on a desperation final pass and eventually lost to the Bears. With his 0-4 record and 68.8 passer rating so far, he seems like a perfect QB for the Lions. Coach can’t believe the Lions will settle for that in the offseason, though. Heck, they are already combing the streets of Detroit for tossers. A few weeks ago the Lions signed their 10th and 11th quarterbacks of the year, adding Kyle Sloter off the Arizona Cardinals' practice squad and signing Joe Callahan to their own 10-man taxi unit (yes, our former Joe Callahan). So what about the game this weekend? Well it has “trap game” and “let down” written all over it. But Coach trusts the veterans on the team to kick ass, take names and not let the younger players look past Detroit…they did that already this year against the Chargers and got toasted. Rodgers and LaFleur are sick and tired of all the “Is Rodgers washed up?” talk … look for the Pack to light up the Smelly Cats and repeat the first “slaughter at Portsmouth” Packers 47 Smelly Cats 13 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Of all the great men who have donned the Packers jersey over the past 101 years, the least likely guy who made it big is probably Carl Wafer. Carl was selected out of Tennessee State in the 2nd round of the 1974 NFL draft by the Denver Broncos and shortly thereafter ended up on the Packers squad as a Defensive Tackle. That year, he roomed platonically with Packers 15th round draft pick and future Bears head coach, Dave Wannstedt. Wafer was the 4th of only 16 players to where #78 for Green Bay (the last being Jason Spriggs, RIP). That number isn’t cursed, per se, but it hasn’t really ever been close to retirement either. The most famous Packer to where #78 was probably Ezra Johnson, and the most talented was probably Ross Verba. The most championships by a player wearing that number for the Packers was 2, by both Norm Masters (’61-’62) and Bob Brown (’66-’67). But Carl Wafer only played 1 year for the Packers, and like most players on that 1974 squad, he pretty much sucked at professional football. And like most NFL players, he eventually moved on to another career outside of football; and for Carl, After Eight Thin Mints was his calling. No surprise, the former D-lineman had a sweet tooth that enabled his nearly 280-lb frame and drove his interests toward the confectionary industry. In 1975 he bankrolled his NFL wages to purchase a majority share of the After Eight candy company in Hertfordshire, England. Then, in 1983, Carl’s big break came when his product was featured in Monty Python’s hit movie The Meaning of Life. Shortly thereafter, his company was bought out by global powerhouse H. Nestlé for, ironically, $78 million. Not too shabby for a shitty defensive tackle from Tennessee, eh? Carl Wafer has not been heard from in over 35 years and no photos of his existence remain anywhere in public distribution, but he is rumored by TMZ to be alive and well in the Spanish Canary Islands off of the West African coast. So jealous. And so it is right and just that we salute you today, Carl, and your Wafer thin mints!
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: NFL players should get to douse each other in alcohol when they make the playoffs There’s no champagne in the winning locker room after a Super Bowl, and that goes all the way back to Commissioner Pete Rozelle in the ‘60s, who didn’t think it was appropriate, and made it league policy. All the way back to the ‘60s… Good old Bud Selig came to the same enlightened conclusion for baseball in 2001. He sent a memo to all playoff teams asking that champagne not be used in clubhouse celebrations, so the Arizona Diamondbacks astutely cracked open a bunch of six packs and poured Miller Lite all over each other upon clinching a berth in the World Series (good on you, Craig Counsell!). When Coach went to the 2010 NFC Championship game in Chicago, he was very disappointed that the George Halas trophy was not presented to the victorious Green Bay Packers out on the field in front of the thousands of fans who made the trip down from Green Bay to support the team. Instead, the NFL requested that FoxSports TV executives have Terry Bradshaw present the trophy to the team quietly inside the visiting team’s dry locker room. BORING. Fortunately, Coach took it upon himself to liquor-up at Will’s Northwoods Inn on Racine Street in Chicago following the game, hoping the actual players could live that moment vicariously through me … me, and a hundred or so of my closest friends that night! And, although everyone there had a great time, it was bullshit that the actual team could not spray each other with champagne and beer like baseball players do when they win and advance. Well I say times have changed. Pot is legal in half the country, so don’t tell me pouring Asti Spumante or PBR on a linebacker is inappropriate. Let’s stop pretending that NFL players are father figures on black-and-white TV sitcoms from the ‘50s, and actually show them drinking beer and smoking cigars in a locker room celebration ... you know, like Pinocchio. That’s good television, and isn't that what the NFL is really striving for these days? I'm pretty sure it is. …At least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Hooooweee! What’s not to like? First and most importantly, Coach was right. Coach said: Packers win 200th meeting. Now leading all time series 99-95-6. Coach said: “Bet the under” and the 21-13 Win over the Big Cubs was under both the official 40.5 and the all-time total of 34.3 points (hint here, 21+13=34). Coach said: 21-19 Pack. If the Cal-Stanford play by the Bears at the end of regulation had successfully crossed the goal line (1 yard short) and the 2-pt conversion point failed, Coach is right on. Man oh man, can you imagine if the Badger Band had been playing at this game? Coach said: We will win because we have Rodgers and they have Jay Turdbisquit at QB. Coach said: Pack-in/Bears-eliminated – Mission Accomplished Pack clinches playoffs with: GB win + LAR loss and Bears eliminated with: Vikings beat Chargers Coach said: The Mark Murphy inspired “cell phone light show” will be fantastic… Coach interstitial rant #1: Literally everyone around Coach was laughing uncontrollably at the non-event. For those of you loyal readers who were not in the stands, let Coach explain. Prior to the opening KO, the Packers asked fans to download an app that would sync and flash their phones with some sort of opening song. Two things really amused/irritated/befuddled Coach. 1. In-stadium WiFi is a joke. Coach has screen shots from every home game…connecting to the WiFi at Lambeau rarely happens
2. So, what may have been a cool effect for a night game was a complete non-event. There were a few morons holding up their phones, but you couldn’t see any of them because it was a 12-NOON game in brilliant sunshine. Know what happens when you try to use your phone outdoors on a really bright sunny day? Exactly. What really gets Coach P.O.’d is that the time and energy that goes into this kind of BS should be focused on improving the play on the field. Do you really think the fans will cheer louder with blinking cell phones in hand? I suggest that MM and his staff find a nearby sledding hill and stay away from the games. Speaking of sledding, snow and Christmas…let’s get to some of the burning topics of the day... Coach had a 20-something drunk guy next to him who knows a lot about Fantasy Football, but not much about actual football. With every incomplete pass he went on a slurred tirade about how Rodgers is washed up. Perhaps, perhaps-not... On 4th & 4 at the CHI 29, the Packers could have kicked a 47-yard FG to take a 3-0 lead (the smart football decision at that point). After a TO where AR made his case to Petite Fleur that Ha Ha Clinton's-Dick was in single-high-safety, and C-Dick was cheating away from Davante… And later in the game, on a play designed to go inside, AR sees that the Bears are lined up in some sort of offset Cover-2 defense. “Offset” because Clinton’s-Dick is lined up too deep. Bingo, Rodgers throws to White-Water-Jesus Kumerow. Petite Fleur admitted in press conferences this week that Kumerow needs to play more. Note-to-self: Kudos to Packer staff for getting rid of Clinton’s-Dick. He really sucks with the Bears; we got the better end of the deal with Amos. But, is Rodgers washed up like the drunk kid said? Coach says no. Yes, he holds the ball too long. Yes, it drives Coach crazy that he doesn’t just go with the play that’s called. Yes, it drives Coach crazy that he runs the play clock down to 1 or 2 seconds every play. Yes, we can debate the AR Contract 2 years ago. But...you have to look at the mistakes by the supporting cast. Here are a few of the plays that get ID’d as “evidence” that Rodgers is losing it: On this broken play many have said Rodgers should have run for the 1st and then will say he “missed” Tonyan. Kwiatkoski (#44) has a bead on AR and it’s debatable if he could have made the 1st down, but there’s no debate that AR would have taken a huge shot if he ran the ball. Good decision not to run. The “missed Tonyan” part is laughable. Tonyan is covered over and under, shaded to his right. Remember kids, a key principle in football is “run where they aint”. Rodgers throws to Tonyan’s left, where there is nobody. Tonyan turns to his right and into the defenders…leaving the drunk kid to point to AR’s decline. Conclusion: good throw, dumb route by Tonyan, dumber comment by fantasy football putz. In the clip above, my Fantasy-Football-Friend said that AR didn’t have enough arm anymore! Wow. No, what actually happened is Rodgers avoids a sack by throwing the ball away, to a place that Adams might have gotten to if he’d seen it earlier. Rodgers capability looks as good as ever, but the other guys have to help. Speaking of helping… Allison is now in his 3rd year and he entered the 2019 Season as the presumptive #2 receiver. Normally that designation requires catching the ball (this is one of two drops in the game). Next year Gootey needs to drop him. What does Rodgers have to do? Does he have to throw it and catch it? This drop by MVS was unbelievable. Catch this ball on the opening play of the Packers first drive and you have a completely different ball game. The Offense is currently ranked 14th at 23.6 pts/gm. The Offense looks pathetic after the scripted plays, and the stats bear it out. Sure, play calling is an issue...is it Rodgers or Petite Fleur? Our receivers dropped four balls and the D-backs dropped three interceptions on the day. Is the jugs machine broken or are they just not using it? Are they practicing outdoors "Belichick style" with iced/slick balls? The evidence says "no" …but Coach really hopes he is wrong about that. The dropped balls are so pervasive that it looks like a Coaching issue to me. Can we go anywhere in the Playoffs? Well, believe it or not, Coach is actually starting to get more optimistic! Why? The Defense gave up a ton of total yards, but our Offense only held the ball for 25:38. The result is that the D was obviously gassed at the end of the game and the Bears had a ton more plays (83 to 58). So maybe, just maybe we have a top 5 D if the Offense clicks a bit more. Clark also had two more sacks and the anonymous #52 got his second sack of the year. (Who’s #52? Oh yeah, Rashan Gary, our #1 Pick. I forgot about him; I haven’t heard his name on the loud speaker.) We gained three turnovers on the day and could have easily had three more. This is a formula that is maybe good enough for the playoffs. Special Teams are now officially “acceptable” in Coach’s eyes. We had more positive punt yardage, JK Scott punted well given the conditions, and we had our best KO return of the year. Best return of the year! But a detail that Coach really likes is that near the 30-yard line, Tyler Ervin switches the ball to the outside, away from the defender. Hardly anyone in the NFL does this anymore (accept if you play on the team coached by the Hoodie). Offense – snap the ball on-time, catch the damn ball, run the play called, don’t hold the ball. If Petite Fleur holds AR accountable, we can muster enough offense for the playoffs. Injuries – we must be closing in on a record for fewest injured players (Coach looked, can’t find the stat). More than anything this will help in the playoffs. Murphy happy no matter what. At 11-3, you can already see Murphy unrolling the “we had a successful season banner” and his job is safe for another year. There is no doubt that he was happy with the entertainment at the end of each Half. Great! Alexander intercepts the ball at the 10, we advance past the 20, only to get close to fumbling at almost the same spot the ball was picked. Wow. Stupid. Wow…no time on clock, close to blowing it, heart attacks everywhere... It’s been reported elsewhere that Murphy called Rodger Goodell after the game to seek a stipend for the added entertainment value. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Fox Apologizes After Accidentally Turning On Troy Aikman’s Microphone DALLAS, TX—Fox Sports issued a formal apology after a technical error led to the temporary unmuting of color commentator Troy Aikman during Sunday afternoon’s game between the Los Angeles Rams and the Dallas Cowboys. Despite both teams being stuck in mediocrity this year and this game being out of hand for the entire 2nd half, Fox forced this venue on America ignoring the splendor of the upset brewing in San Francisco at the hands of the lowly Atlanta Falcons. Each week Fox ramrods the Dallas Cowboys down America's throat like Dirk Diggler choking “Roller Girl” Heather Graham with his love muscle in Boogie Nights, and this past week was no exception. When the broadcast returned from commercial for the start of the 4th quarter, viewers were accidentally exposed to 57 seconds of incessant droning of the former Cowboys quarterback. To the horror of football fans everywhere, those tuning in were subjected to Aikman’s inane and overly optimistic Cowboys commentary for almost an entire minute before the problem was fixed. “We’ve earned the trust of our viewers by muting Troy Aikman throughout every game,” a Fox spokesperson told reporters. “However, millions of fans were understandably upset when we accidentally pressed the ‘Unmute Troy Aikman’ button on our control console.” “We deeply regret the error,” he added. “Why do we even have that button?” According to sources, Fox is experimenting with a broadcast in which fans can choose among several audio feeds during the game, including Aikman’s commentary, fingernails on a chalkboard, or a Wisconsin nymphomaniac having sex (Click On Link). The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Chicago Bears To Skip Customary Super Bowl Champion’s Visit To White House CHICAGO—In a press conference Monday, the Chicago Bears confirmed they would not be making a visit to the White House, as is customary for the Super Bowl champions. Sports commentators have been speculating as to whether the Bears would make the traditional White House appearance in the Trump era, and they've finally confirmed they will be taking a stand and refusing to visit President Trump. "After much deliberation, we have decided that visiting the White House as the winners of the Super Bowl would be in bad taste," head coach Matt Nagy told reporters. "The players didn't want to make it appear as though we are supporting Donald Trump. They believe this will be a powerful statement against oppression and racism in 2020." Other considerations the team factored into the decision included the backlash they would face from some of their fanbase, their desire not to politicize the sport, and the fact that the team has been eliminated from any possibility of making the playoffs. "It just seemed like the right decision at this time," Nagy added. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Christmas Intermission Extravaganza We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The Packers lead the all-time series with the Vikings 61-54-3, which will index up by one in the win column on Sunday. Much like the Bears game last week, Coach had some fun looking at the betting line on the game. The opening bet had the Queens favored by 4 points. There are several positives pointing in their direction:
Even with all of those stats, Vegas doesn’t trust the Queens! The empirical calculation is that the Queens are around 6 points better than us, add in 3 points for home field advantage and they should be favored by 9 (yes Coach knows that the line is set to inspire bettors). None-the-less, at 4 points, it implies that Vegas has “5 points of confidence” in the Pack. Nice, but even with those 5, we lose the game. Coach, can we win this game? Yes we can! Reason No. 1 Our Defense has a new secret weapon by moving Dean Lowry from the D-Line to Free Safety. When Rookie S Darnel Savage was out with his ankle injury, Lowry was taking practice reps in the defensive secondary. The move was primarily made because Lowry stood up so much that he was terrible at stopping the run, but he does have hands. He is also campaigning for snaps at TE in goal line packages. The Pack broke out the new formation last Sunday. Here you can see Lowry dropping into deep coverage and getting the pick against Jay Turdbisquit. Reason No. 2 The Queens always choke in big games. No joke, in this guy’s obituary a few weeks ago, his family blamed his heart failure on the ineptness of the Queens (look it up). This game is hugely important for the Packers. We control our own destiny for the No. 2 Seed and if we win-out we are still in contention for the No. 1 Seed. We always want to destroy the Queens and this game is important to our seeding in the Playoffs, but we have already clinched at least a WC spot. And, we can still win the Division with a loss to MN and a win over Detroit. However, the Queens have not clinched a playoff spot and this game is hugely important. We can’t eliminate them this weekend, but we can knock them out of the Division crown. This is basically a playoff game for both Teams, but they have more to lose, which means they will choke. Reason No. 3 Their QB is Kissing Cousins Coach asks, is there a limit to how many times in a Season you can invoke Yogi Berra? In a Déjà vu-all-over-again game, exactly like last week, this one will boil down to which QB plays better, and we have the better guy. The historical O/U total is 41.2 and the first game total was 37. Expect this one to be close with turnovers and twists and turns. Bet on the Pack to win, to cover the spread (as they do as much as any team in the NFL this year), and to limit total game scoring to 38 points, which is under the 46 O/U for those of you needing help with math. Packers 21 Queens 17 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Back in the day, coach occasionally hung out peripherally with the party crowd in high school. Hey, when you’re a head banger, once in a while you find yourself in life's fast lane. Which brings us to this week’s former-Packer tribute: defensive lineman Donnie Humphrey. His weekly performance on the field was far from Hall of Fame consideration, but his partying reputation was legendary. Donnie was always the big kid growing up in Madison City, Alabama. He earned a football scholarship to Auburn University, and anchored the defensive line for the Tigers in the early ‘80s. Good team? Yeah, you could say that… Kevin Greene, Gregg Carr, Bo Jackson … any of those Hall of Fame names ring a bell? Of course, the Packers drafted “the other guy” Donnie Humphrey to address their need at defensive tackle. But before he got to Green Bay, Donnie spent his free time burning the ganja at Auburn with none other than Charles Barkley. How do I know that? He said so. You see, not me of course – but a guy I know, once rented a room at a hotel outside of Green Bay to party (this was before there were Airbnb party houses); and it turns out Donnie Humphrey regularly did the same. Coincidentally, on this particular night, it was the exact same hotel. Well, one party eventually spilled over into the other, and before you knew it the 2nd floor at the Holiday Inn looked like the inside of Jeff Spicoli’s surf van. And, to make a long story short, a very high 300-lb Packers defensive lineman shared how he and Sir Charles would roll fatties down in Auburn, Alabama. Donnie Humphrey was drafted in the 3rd round by the Packers in 1984 and played in Green Bay for three seasons. In that time, he switched between defensive tackle and nose guard, splitting time in the middle with Charles Martin. He started every game as a rookie, and was best known for his winning one-on-one situations. Coach really appreciated his rookie effort on Sundays. In 1985, however, he went into rehab for cocaine abuse (shocker), which contributed to an ever-growing weight problem (pun intended). Packers head coach Forrest Gregg ran out of patience and cut Humphrey in May 1987 after he didn't follow an offseason nutrition program and reported for offseason workouts at 335 pounds. In 1994, he was sentenced to seven years in prison for forgery after stealing a check from an Auburn, Alabama office and cashing it to pay for crack cocaine.
Sadly, Donnie passed away 5 years ago near the Mexican border from an “unspecified brief illness.” He left behind a daughter, Tasha, who plays in the WNBA (whatever that is). So today, party monger Donnie Humphrey, we salute you! Too bad drugs ruined your life. The End. Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! for the 200th meeting between the Packers and the Bears. It’s downright great to be an American! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Fans should learn flag etiquette Coach loves the Packers and talks about them 365 days-a-year (no joke, just ask da wife). He goes to all home games and also rants about anything and everything that might get in the way of winning the Super Bowl every year (duh). We have the most NFL Championships and let me assure you, 13 is simply not enough. But you know what really grinds my gears? …when some jackass (usually a fan of the visiting team – and you can bet it will be a Bear fan near you at Lambeau this weekend) totally disrespects our flag and the playing of our National Anthem. I figure these losers all pretty much have the same thing in common: they think the world revolves around them, and/or they figure since they paid to get into the stadium everyone should just have to deal with their shit. If I wasn’t already in a frozen salute to the Stars and Stripes, completely zoning out everything I possibly can as Francis Scott Key’s hymn is performed, I would wrap the back of that dickhead’s jacket over the front of his head and go Marty McSorely on his face until his teeth fell into his $14 cup of Bluemoon. Fortunately, there’s usually a retired service veteran or a little old lady nearby to tap that pinhead on the shoulder and scold him into shame before I can get to him (my cooling off period). It’s bad enough that drunk idiots disrespect the flag because they don’t care, but it’s also pretty disappointing that many folks unknowingly use bad etiquette during the playing of our national anthem. Some of these might surprise you, but at a minimum you can use them to educate the drunk 19-year-olds who scored grandpa’s seats for the cold games:
Up to this point, if you’ve generally just been ignorant and committed some of these patriotic faux pas during the playing of our national anthem, I can let it go, but now you know better so I am expecting you to step it up on Sunday, sweetheart! And if you’re a drunk Bears fan that is just going to be an obnoxious FIB regardless of where you are or what else is going on around you, you better hope granny is between you and I. The American flag is the premier symbol of our patriotism and proclaims our country’s commitment to freedom. …including our freedom of speech, which technically gives you the right to be a douche bag and violate all the aforementioned guidelines; but just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. …At least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Déjà vu all over again. We got our asses handed to us twice on the West Coast and now two weeks in a row we struggled to beat lousy NFC East teams. All Coach cares about is that winning ugly is better than losing with grace, and now we are 10-3 and the 2nd Seed in the NFC Playoff picture. Who’da thunk that in August? We played an outstanding 14-0 first quarter and coulda been up by even more before halftime, and shoulda had the game out of hand before the 4th Q. But…again…we took our collective foot off the gas. The Skins didn’t quit and that resulted in us “losing” the remainder of the game 6-15 for a 20-15 final score. Look past the ugliness and there were four really positive things that got Coach excited this week:
We will face really good teams in the playoffs and learning to win without a turnover advantage is critical. Special Teams is always a deciding factor in the playoff games, so hopefully this was not a one-week-wonder. if our punt-kick and punt-return teams are at least at the NFL average we become a much stronger team and don’t forget we have a real weapon with Crosby kicking FG. The Defense played “Ok” and is ranked 13th at 20.3 points a game. Not good, but it looked better than it has for the last month. Highlights worth noting are that Adrian Amos got his 2nd pick of the year and Kenny Clark finally got his 3rd sack of the year. Hopefully this is a sign of things to come. Clark has been a bright spot in the center of an otherwise mediocre center of the DL. It’s hard to criticize the Offense too much when AJ33 averaged 8.4 yards/carry on 16 carries, but they only scored 6 points after the 1st Qtr. In reality, we didn't run the ball enough! Remember those carries in the 2nd and 3rd quarters? Me neither. They didn't exist. In the 1st quarter Jones was averaging over 10 yards/carry ... why TF did LaFleur abandon the run? Throughout Lambeau you could hear guys screaming: "Run the damn ball!" Quite the head scratcher. Coach would like to offer some wisdom and insight to justify LaFleur's pass-happy strategy that book-ended the halftime frisbee show, but nowhere in his incoherent directionless onslaught of ineffective pass plays was any semblance of thought; everyone in the stadium got dumber for having watched it, and at home an impressed Mike McCarthy was taking copious notes for his next job in DEEtroit. Any sack is a killer, but this one backed us up into an almost-safety situation. Clearly Bulaga (RT) and Turner (RG) haven’t communicated pre-snap and Ioannidis basically tears AJ in half while sacking Rodgers. Coach Interstitial Rant #1 - Part of the issue is that the Offensive Line has regressed this year. Coach just worked over OL Coach Stenavich last week, so I won’t repeat, suffice it to say however that this guy has got to go. He and ST Coach Meningitis have a combined zero years’ experience at the NFL level leading their respective units and it shows, week-in-and-week-out … in other words, you can’t fix stoopid (at least not in time for the Super Bowl). Another offensive woe that has been bemoaned all week on the call-in shows is that Rodgers is “losing it.” Usually the insightful callers point to “misses” of Jones and Graham on the pass plays below. As with most things in life, Coach doesn’t agree with the conventional wisdom. The original pass pattern that Jones is (supposed to be) running has him faking in and then cutting out to a flag pattern, looking over his left shoulder. AJ catches a break when the DB slips on the polyethylene-SIS grass, but this is just at the moment AR is launching the ball. Watch carefully as AJ heads upfield when the DB slips, he’s thinking TD but it’s too late for AR to change the pass. If Jones would have run the route he was supposed to have run, he would have had the ball in his breadbasket. Coach Interstitial Rant #2 – the polyethylene-SIS grass was installed before the 2018 season and players have been slipping all over the place ever since. Normally Coach would laud this as a home-field advantage, but for some reason the Coaches, Players and Equipment guys haven’t figured out how get our guys the correct cleats. If we can’t figure it out, then put back the real grass so we can have mud games once again (and keep the drain field underneath). The other “miss” was on Graham. This one is a little bit harder to catch on video but was very apparent at Lambeau. The route is very similar to the one Jones is supposed to have run above, but Jimmy gets the head turn correct and is looking over left shoulder. The more important point is that when he makes his cut to the flag pattern (the last part where he is supposed to cut to the sideline at a 45° angle), he rounds the pattern a bit and brings his shoulders around so that he is looking back at Rodgers. This costs him between one and two steps and is why the pass looks “overthrown” to the inattentive observer, while it looked like a perfect ball to Coach. Coach Interstitial Rant #3 - this is at least the 10th time Coach has noticed extremely poor route running since Graham has been with the Pack. It seems as though Jimmy doesn’t trust that A-Rod will see him, so he slows down to look (“ooh, ooh, I’m open Aaron, I’m open Aaron, throw it to me, throw it to me!”) Maybe the guy has always had this bad habit and he used to have “catch-up speed” so he could get away with it...I dunno… Coach strongly recommends giving Jimmy a clipboard and a great front row seat for the rest of 2019. Tonyan and Marcedes Lewis are much better route-runners and Tonyan is a helluva lot faster than Graham. So is Bryan Bulaga. Another record lost – yeah! While at one level it might have been fun to have a record that would have lived in ignominy, newly signed Tyler Ervin returned his first punt as a Packer and wiped out the 2019 total of negative 8 yards in punt returns. He had 51 total return yards for the game, putting us at +43 yards for the year! The Pack needs 36 more punt yards in the next four games to avoid a new record for futility. Ervin may not be Desmond Howard, but at least we have a hope now (Perhaps on the level of Roelle Preston?) … hallelujah! Oh yeah, a lot of other stuff happened in the game, too:
WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL To Institute Replay Reviews On Every Play NEW YORK—In response to rising criticisms of the quality of officiating, the NFL has announced an expansion of instant replay review to include every single play, without exception. To stave off complaints from owners, coaches, players, and fans, moving forward, after each play, the referees will watch all camera angles of the prior play in slow motion. The new policy is designed to ensure that all penalties are called, the ball is spotted at the right yard marker, and no debates ensue over whether the runner was down or not before fumbling. In response to questions over the possibility of longer games, NFL Executive Vice President of Football Operations, Troy Vincent, explained, "The most important thing is getting the call right. Why are we officiating in real-time, when we can get the call right by utilizing replay review on every single play?" The NFL Referees Union was also in favor of the move. "Not only will our refs get each and every call right, but they no longer have to sprint up the field alongside world-class athletes. This will undoubtedly improve working conditions and quality of life for our members." While virtually every play will be called correctly moving forward, NFL officials were non-committal on whether the new policy would solve debates over what constitutes a catch. "Even I don’t understand that," Vincent said. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Giggling Trump Punks Kaepernick “This Is The Chicago Bears And We'd Love To Sign You” WASHINGTON, D.C.—After an anxiously disappointing couple of weeks following his workout in Atlanta for several NFL teams, Colin Kaepernick was excited when his phone rang at long last this past Wednesday. "Hello?" he said, attempting to sound casual. "Hi, uh, yes, is this a Mr. Kaepernick?" President Trump said, stifling laughter. "Yeah, it's me. Who's this?" Kaepernick said, trying not to get his hopes up. "This is the Chicago Bears, and we'd love to sign you," Trump said, barely containing his laughter. "OK, well, I've got a lot of offers so let me talk with my agent and get back to you," Kaepernick said, taking a knee in his joy. "Yeah, we've got a great franchise here. One of the best. Maybe the best franchise ever. Lots of footballing and throwing. Even some kicking. You'll fit in great here. When can you come in for a physical?" Trump said, the floodgates of laughter ready to burst at any moment. Kapernick's face fell. "Oh man. Donald Trump, is that you!?" "Ha! Classic!" Trump said. "You should have heard yourself. 'Let me talk with my agent and get back to you' -- Sad! Fell for it hook, line, and sinker! You're a low-IQ individual!" The President reportedly had pranked Kaepernick in similar fashion two times prior since the Atlanta workout. At press time, Trump was dialing from a different number, planning on pretending to be the Cincinnati Bengals front office. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Going into the Ohio State game Saturday night, your first thought may have been ‘just play them tough, keep the margin of defeat respectable and get to the Rose Bowl.’ The first half played out better than anyone could have reasonably expected. The pass rush heated up tOSU QB fields, Paul Chryst made the right play calls, the OL blocked, our playmakers made plays and the players generally executed on both sides of the ball. With a 14-point lead at halftime and the counting of un-hatched chickens in full swing, the idea may have crossed your mind that ‘if only we had not fallen apart late in the Illinois game, a win vs. Ohio State would make a good case for the Badgers being in the playoffs. Oklahoma’s resume of top 20 wins was nothing compared to Bucky’s. Just don’t repeat the Ped State second half capitulation of three years ago.’ Fox announcers omitted making mention of how big a loss the Chris Orr injury would be during the second half, yet tripped over themselves throughout the first half pointing out how much Fields’ sprained MCL was impacting tOSU’s offense. This was a game-long infomercial, lobbying the case for tOSU remaining the top seed in the playoffs. Bless Fox for their shilling efforts on behalf of the Big Ten. The worst-case scenario for them would be Wisconsin winning, still going to the Rose Bowl and tOSU’s seed dropping. Had we finished the deal, Joe Klatt & Gus Williams would have begrudgingly jumped on our bandwagon. In the end, we were just another pesky bunch that pushed the overwhelming favorite, punched them in the mouth, kept viewers from switching stations and then went away quietly. If it is of any consolation, we did cause tOSU to drop from a one seed to a two seed. Wisconsin this year lacked trustworthy depth at LB, DL, OL & running back. They were very fortunate injury-wise this year. Baun & Orr were team leaders in sacks at 12.5 and 11.5 respectively, but Orr is disruptive in so many other areas, including stuffing the run. Orr’s 11.5 sacks are on par with the high water numbers put up by TJ Watt and Joey Bosa. Losing LB Noah Burks early was an issue, but losing both him & Orr opened up tOSU run opportunities that kept our offense on the sidelines. Fields also had much more time to pick out receivers and make good throws. Most unsettling about our second half play was that it had the look of a collective deer-in-the headlights collapse. Yes, we had emptied out the playbook during the first half and the previous week vs. the Goophs. Lotti’s mis-handling of the punt snap in a sterile dome environment was the first sign of trouble. The OL quit blocking and the play-calling turned conservative. We did not counter tOSU’s adjustments and let Chase Young take over the second half. There was no TE help and no chip blocks. It was Young vs. Van Lanen almost the whole second half. If you are not going to throw to a wide-open Ferguson during the second half, perhaps he should be assisting with pass blocking. The screen to Groshek was set up to be a big gainer, but was chased down from behind. There was no margin for error on either side of the ball. The Groshek plays that worked against Nebraska, Purdue and even Minnesota didn’t work against tOSU’s superior talent. Officiating seemed to heavily favor tOSU throughout the game, with several holding calls not being made and an obvious procedure call on a second half TD not being made. Our DB’s let up, knowing a flag was about to fly on the TD play. Not that it would have made a difference in the game’s outcome since Paul Chryst would have taken a knee anyway, but the obvious targeting against Coan on the last play of the game should have called or reviewed. But that would have meant a tOSU DB sitting the first half of their playoff game. Were that the NFL, the fine would be arriving today. We had a time of possession advantage in the first half and Taylor was breaking big runs. If the proper penalty calls were made, tOSU drives ended when they should have and our offense stayed on the field longer, perhaps it would have been Ohio State missing multiple tackles on 3rd and 18. Ok, turn the page. We have a good matchup with Oregon in the Rose Bowl to look forward to. Orr will be back, Taylor will play and we open as 2.5 point favorites. Wisconsin takes it’s bowl games seriously, but the same cannot be said for other top-25 teams. Nick Saban, for example, has told his Alabama players with NFL money on the line that it would be ok to skip their bowl game vs. Michigan. BU would like to reiterate its longstanding opposition to limiting the playoffs to 4 teams. It should be an 8, 12 or 16-team tourney with home games for the higher seeds in the first round or two, depending on the setup. Too many of the bowl games are becoming exhibitions. ($20 says you just turned your phone sideways.) There is huge TV money to be had in an expanded playoff. If injuries and NFL-ready players skipping games is a concern even in an expanded playoff, limit it to 8 teams. Whatever the format, meaningful non-conference games should be legislated to raise the odds of the most deserving teams getting in. None of the top Big Ten teams played top teams in other conferences this year, with the exception of Michigan playing Notre Dame. Play more games like that and over-rated teams like Notre Dame and Oklahoma get exposed. Among the several collateral effects of a 4-team playoff is further encouraging top recruits to attend the 4-6 schools that make the playoffs year in and year out. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Why will we win? Well, we have to… We have to maintain our quest for a Division Crown, a home-field playoff game and first-round-by in the Playoffs. More than any other argument that scares Coach, playing desperate is not good and, as we’ve shown the last two weeks, games that we should win in blowouts are anything but. We will win because we have Aaron Rodgers and they have Jay Turdbisquit at QB. Detroit was keen on this consideration when they started their backup QB against Chicago on Thanksgiving. Head coach Matt Patricia keyed the other coaches in the NFC Central Division when he explained in his post-game press conference that the Lions switched to a no-coverage defense to prevent Trubisky from losing his starting job. “If we’re not careful, Mitch could throw straight into double coverage, or worse chuck a pick-six, then he’s likely to be benched permanently.” Bizarrely, the 7-6 Bears are still alive in the uber-competitive 2019 NFC Wildcard race (primarily because the East Division is stinkaroo, with no team worthy of any playoff appearance). This game at Lambeau on Sunday has HUUUUUGGGE playoff implications for both teams. Pack clinches playoff berth with:
The American Academy of Cardiology is forecasting lower blood pressure for TV viewers of the game because FOX’s second team of Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis, and Pam Oliver will have the call (Coach will be at Lambeau and Troy and Joe will be somewhere we don’t care about.) Let’s set this one up. It’s the 200th meeting of the two teams, by far the most for any two teams in the NFL. The Pack is clearly the dominant team with a 0.15-point average margin of victory and 3-game-margin in games won! In a fun bit of history, you can summarize the whole 100-year series by 5 definitive eras:
Coach is supremely confident that we will beat the Bears, however he agrees with Vegas that this could be a close game and the opening line is “only” Packers at (-4.5) points (obviously the opening line is the best prediction by Vegas, the bettors drive the final line). The short version of what set the line is that the Pack looks like a “weak” 10-3 (Coach agrees) and the Bears are on a roll, going 4-1 over the last 5. Coach disagrees that they are on a roll, he simply points out that they lost to the Rams and beat Detroit twice and Dallas/NYG once-each for the four wins. Now let’s dive into the stats to see if we can explain the Vegas line. If we compare the Packers Offense vs. the Bears Defense (6-pt Packer advantage) and the PackD/BearsO (2.1pt Bears advantage), you could predict a Packers 3.9-pt win. This is very close to the betting line of 4.5. Hang on Coach, don’t I usually “get” 3 points from Vegas for home-field advantage. Yes Jimmy, that’s true. In this weekend’s game, you might say that the “implied” home-field-advantage is only 0.6 points (4.5 is greater than the 3.9 year-to-date), which means Vegas is throwing 2.4 points in the direction of the Bears. Hmm… Another angle for confirming the observation is the Over/Under. The “all-time” O/U is 34.4 points while the 2019 year-to-date Offensive Scoring is 42.5. The actual O/U is 40.5, exactly 2 points lower than the year-to-date offense. More-or-less the same as the lost 2.4 home-field points. What is driving this magic 2-points? Well, let’s keep going… The table above has most of the “normal” game stats. Our Offense is generally ranked around 19/20 for stats based on yards, while the Bears D is much better and has rankings in the Top 10. Strong advantage Bears. Our Defense going against their Offense is only slight advantage Pack. Ooops, not the analysis we were looking for…but hang on! The Main-Stream-Media likes to talk about the Smith Brothers and Turnovers, but we are no better than the Bears in those departments. However, we are a stronger 1st Quarter team and when we start fast, we win! Bet on the Pack to win, but not covering the spread, and a total below the 40.5 O/U Packers 21 Bears 19 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them You’re either too young or too old to remember Verne Lewellen playing for the Packers. The 6-foot tall 180-pound Lewellen was a 3-time 1st-team All-Pro that could run, pass and kick (in an era when field goals were a rarity) and was a legendary punter. In nine seasons, from 1924-32, Lewellen rushed for 37 touchdowns. His soaring 50- and 60-yard punts were key factors as the Packers beat the New York Giants in a key 1929 game that led to our first NFL championship, and he was a central figure on the subsequent championship teams in ’30 and ’31. Verne was also a staple in the community. He married “Miss Ice Cream Sundae 1927” LouEllen Vogel from New Franken, and he was elected Brown County district attorney in 1929 while still playing. He finished his playing career in 1933 as the leading Packer scorer at that time with 307 points. Verne stayed connected to the team and was named the first Packers general manager in 1954 and later served as the Packers business manager until he retired in 1966. In today’s NFL, a resume like Verne’s would have a man financially set for life. But, alas, his day was before the massive TV contracts, so to make ends meet in their retirement years, his wife LouEllen worked part time as an operator for Bell Telephone Company. In 1978, LouEllen Lewellen was secretly recorded by progressive experimental rock band Pink Floyd for their song Young Lust when she inquired “This is a collect call for Mrs. Floyd from Mr. Floyd, will you accept the charges from the United States?” [phone hangs up] “Oh, he hung up, that’s your residence, right? Is there supposed to be someone else there besides your wife there to answer?” “This is the United States calling, are we reaching…” [phone hangs up] “See he keeps hanging up, and it’s a MAN answering.”
So you might not remember Verne Lewellen, but you certainly can respect his immense contributions to the Packers organization, and you can probably can hear his wife talking to you in your head right now. Your welcome. Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Referees turning football into crap Referees are screwing everything up. In case you missed it, this guy broke the chain during a 4th down measurement… Lately they have been emphasizing stupid new rules and it’s ruining NFL football. Refs rightfully used to throw flags for excessive celebration, but now end zone skits are expected (much to my chagrin). Oh, and remember the early-season debacle of using replay to get pass interference calls WRONG? Coaches don’t even mess with that challenge opportunity any more. Now the latest ref craze is overreacting to player safety, and it’s making the game unrecognizable. In what can best be described as the 2nd worst call in NFL officiating history (the 1st being the replacement ref’s Fail Mary in Seattle), referee Craig Wrolstad announced a personal foul for unnecessary roughness against Blake Martinez in the 2nd Q of the Giants game for a completely legal "get out of my way" push of a receiver / blocker while pursuing the ball carrier (quarterback running outside of the tackle box). In real time (as Coach watched with his naked eye), the call looked even WORSE than the slo-mo replay. Recall that Davante Adams also received a similarly lame unnecessary roughness call the week prior in San Francisco for a completely safe chest bump to a defender out of bounds after the 1st play of arguably the biggest NFL game of the season up to that point. What ever happened to the good 'ol fashioned "Watch it...or next time you'll get a flag!" warning from the ref? Before these crap calls become the norm, refs should use common sense to focus on player safety and not on players being aggressive in non-safety related incidents. Pushing off some defender milliseconds after being out of bounds should not be worth the same penalty yards as spearing someone with your helmet. We SHOULD be expecting aggressive play, not choreographed bullshit end zone dances. After all, this isn’t soccer or gymnastics, it’s supposed to be (supposedly) NFL football, dammit! …At least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Well Coach called it; the Packers did have a Git-Right game. This was a game we should have won; we did win, and kicked the G-Men into hibernation for this season. You have to love that ¾’s of the way through the season we are 9-3. This is already better than Coach, and pretty much everyone else, predicted last summer. The hard part for all Packer fans is that we could have “understood” (but not liked) a 5-6/6-6 team at this point. But now that we are 9-3, well…. Here’s hoping the Pack prove Coach wrong all the way to hoisting the Lombardi Trophy!! Interest in the Giants was so great, that Packer fans filled most of the half-full (half-empty?) Stadium. Clearly the Giants are a top-notch team hitting on all cylinders and are generating tons of excitement in the Tri-State area. Rodgers led the way all game with 4TD’s, 243 yards passing and a passer rating of 125.4 Rodgers was improvising all-game long. And, as he normally does, AR’s school yard ball saved the Pack against yet another mediocre team. After a 3-and-out by the Packers to open the 2nd half, the G-Men scored a field goal which narrowed the score to 17-13. Rodgers answered with a long, 75 yard, 14-play, 7+ minute drive. However, the drive looked stalled on 4th and 10 at the Giants 35 and AR made the play below. The play is obviously fantastic, classic A-Rod. The 1st down catch by Allison led to a TD by Adams 9 plays later. With a 24-13 lead early in the 4th Qtr the game was essentially over. Rodgers improvising, Rodger’s holding the ball, running game averaging 3 yards/carry, pass:run ratio of 56:44…. seems kinda Melissa McCarthyesque, ainit? …Coach Petite Fleur has been facing questions about the “Offensive Identity” of the Packers for the last few weeks which made this Coach very curious. How are they game planning up there at Mecca-1265? After installing hidden cameras to observe the process, Coach made an eye-opening discovery. La Fleur has actually retained Jackson Pollack to create the Offensive Game Plan. According to numerous sources, Petite Fleur and AR give Jackson a pile of post-it notes with offensive ideas that they generate during the week. Then ole’ Jackson goes to work and turns that pile into a game plan. After they receive the game plan from Pollack, La Petite Chat and Rodgers memorize it and destroy the original…so that spies can’t find it…unfortunately that also leaves the other 10 guys on offense clue-less about what we are doing. To compensate, Petite Fleur sends random groups of guys into the game from the sideline and then Rodgers makes up a play after the snap. I don’t know about you kids, but Coach is feeling much better knowing that Petite Fleur’s offense is getting installed properly. 9-3 is fantastic…but are we good? Coach hasn’t pulled out the Big Tuna quote yet this year, so I guess I will now: “you are what your record says you are”. On that basis we are good. If you look beyond the record, many (most) of the stats say that we are not very good. Take a gander at the game summary above, the Pack is on the left and the G-Men are on the right. Most of the stats are pedestrian for both teams, and the teams look even except for two important stats… We scored more TD’s We were +3 on turnovers (not on chart above). Much ink and much talk-radio-airtime has been devoted to two important topics:
Giveaways 0.7, #2, behind NO at 0.6 Takeaways 1.6 , #7, tied w/TN, Skins, Bal TO Dif 0.9, #2, tied w/NO, Pitt How has this impacted the games so far? See the graph below which plots the point differential in each of the 12 games so far vs. the turnover difference. In the three games we lost we had a TO Diff of “0” or less. There is a lot of scatter in the data, but the correlation coefficient is reasonable (75%), so Coach is going to make an observation… …the regression line intersects the Y-axis at -5 points/game!!! For those of you still awake, this is a very, very alarming statistic. While it “proves” squat, and doesn’t predict any individual future game, it strongly implies that we can’t win a game without turnover “help”! Let Coach repeat, slightly differently: this observation basically “proves” what your eyeballs are telling you. We are not in control of the games, but when our D takes the ball away and we don’t give it away, we win. The alarming part is that if the turnovers are even, we lose the game because of all of our other deficiencies (#PuntReturns). Perhaps a bit harsh, but true. The record is great, but it’s hard to escape the facts. We have a first-year head coach who’s been lucky by having one of the healthiest teams in the NFL and is #2 in turnover differential. Perhaps LaFeur could have been coaching since training camp to specifically deliver this, but is that really what happened? Honestly? At this point it looks like we will be in the Playoffs, but it’s hard to imagine getting a positive turnover differential in every game. Conversely, our red zone production has been consistently pretty good, and if that continues in the playoffs we stand a reasonable chance of scoring more points than the other team (Coach likey). So, in summary, it appears to be critical that we get efficient red zone production whenever our turnover ratio is not providing a significant advantage. Now let’s look at some more positives from the Giants game! The question of “who is the #2 receiver?” seems to have been answered, naturally it’s the undrafted-free-agent Alan Lazard from Iowa State. While Allison has made his mark and is among the league leaders in dropped balls, and MVS and Kumerow block downfield, none of them is standing out as a receiver. Hopefully Lazard will be a solid #3 or #4 in years to come. In another Git-right, ‘bout-time’ play, Rodgers completes his first ever TD to Big-Dog Marcedes Lewis (if you haven’t heard the “big dog, big dog” audible from Rodgers, go look it up on the WWW…it’s hilarious). While Rodger’s called the 4th & 10 play (referenced above) the play-of-the-game, Coach actually thinks it happened earlier in the game. Leading 14-7 at 12:02 in the 2nd, facing 4th & 8 on the NYG 29…. we kicked a FG!! Hallelujah!! The kick was fantastic for Crosby personally. He’s faced a number of family issues this year, and despite the passing of his sister-in-law just two days prior to the game, he made a very tough kick in snow globe conditions …and he’s on pace for a pro-bowl year (33 of 33 on X-points; 14 of 15 on FG’s). Those stats are fantastic, but that’s not why Coach is excited…Coach is ecstatic because Matt LaFleur chose to kick it rather than going for it (see last two episodes and the Eagles game to understand why). Vince rolled over in his grave and gave a thumbs up to LaFleur! What about punting? Mmm, well, JK Scott actually tied with Philly at #11 for the week with 42.7 net yards per punt! Yeah! The difference. He stopped doing what Mennenga was trying to get him to do and he went back to his original punting motion. And punt returns were also good news, right? The 3-yard punt return above by Tremon Smith was the longest of the year and got us up to -8 yards for the year. Tremon fumbled and he was cut on Tuesday… if the new guy gets a 4-yard return we’ll tell you his name. Please tell me why Mennenga is still with this team. Surely now that HS Football has ended, we could get a Special Teams Coach from one of the local High Schools. And the D? Probably the most important thing to report is the human-interest piece published last week where it was revealed that neither Oren Burks nor the reporter Lori Nickel have any idea how crypto currency works nor what its value is. BUT, they are both impressed with Oren and he will make the world a better place (good, here’s hoping he does it somewhere else soon, he was a wasted draft-pick and the sooner he hits the road the better). Oren wants to be paid in Bitcoin and Lori thinks it’s valuable because the price-per-Bitcoin is high. Why can’t Coach ever find people like this to sell things to? If you get dragged around the Mall this weekend helping the Mrs. with X-mas chores, Coach strongly suggests you search out the story for a good chuckle. I thought Vanderbilt was supposed to be a good school? Perhaps it’s just the smartest fish in the dumbest pond. SEC = Shitty Education Conference Oren, ostensibly a MLB, has been a keen observer from the sideline. He obviously is pretty bad because he can’t get off the bench and help a D that is porous up the middle. Here we are giving up 12-yards to Kaden Smith on 3rd and 2, which led to a NYG FG on the drive. This is the kind of play that Burks was specifically drafted to stop…just saying…and I don’t see any Bitcoins laying on the field either… Here we are giving up 43-yards to Cody Latimer on 3rd and 12, which led to a NYG FG on the drive. Porous, short and about as potent as a spider web deep in the middle. Safety help, schmaftey help….who needs it? A few of the defensive rankings just to shine a light on it: #25 yards per opponent pass attempt: 7.0 #32 passes over 20 yards #27 yards per rush attempt: 4.7 #32 D-Line ranking against the run #29 allowing avg of 6.1 yards/play (run and pass) But! We are number 14 in points allowed and No. 12 in sacks at 7.4%... Coach, is there any array of hope? Yes Johnny, there is…we had 3 picks in this game, none better than this pretty catch by Tramon-the-ageless. But more importantly there were signs of life in the DL. We actually held the Giants to 4.2 yards per carry, while not great it is an improvement. If we keep improving on DL play like this, we might actually have a shot a moving through the playoffs. Fingers crossed. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Local Grandmother Arrives From Other Room For Semi-Hourly Report On Game Plainfield, WI—Briefly interrupting her weekend cleaning to pop her head into the living room, Grandmother Margaret “Margie” Congdon arrived from the other room Sunday for her semi-hourly report on the Green Bay Packers football game. “How is everything going? Are they winning?” asked Congdon, collecting dirty plates and empty beer cans. “Oh, and how’s that player I like doing?” This reporter paid a special visit to the Congdon’s on Sunday following a testament by Packers President Mark Murphy to small town, dedicated fans like Margie during his annual Thanksgiving Fireside Podcast. “It’s the little people out there in rural Wisconsin towns that make me so successful,” he said. “Without them, I probably would still be suing yuppie parents in New Jersey over their kids’ operation of lemonade stands without a permit.” Once again, Murphy nailed it. Grandma Margie is an inspiration to us all. As I was packing up my things getting ready to depart the Congdon residence at the start of the third quarter, I heard Margie shouting “What’s wrong? What happened?” from the kitchen after audible groans and outcries came from the living room following a quick 3-and-out by the Packers offense. Thankfully the Packers eventually rallied and pulled away in the fourth quarter to beat the Giants convincingly. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Fair-Weather Bears Fan Not Even Banned From Stadium CHICAGO—Bragging about his own hardcore dedication to being removed from Chicago sports facilities, local fan Jerry Binks reportedly questioned how his acquaintance Andrew Jishotzky could possibly call himself a fan of the Chicago Bears if he had never been banned from entering Soldier Field. “Listen, I’ve been banned from the stadium since before they made it look like a spaceship toilet bowl thing, and this guy comes in saying he’s had a ‘seat’ inside there for every game the past two years? Who does he think he is?” said Binks, ranting that he was tired of dealing with bandwagon fans who had never even gotten ejected for fighting by the concession stands, throwing up on their neighbor, or shouting racial epithets at players. “If you can make it through 10 straight Bears games and not get permanently barred from entering the field and parking lot, I just don’t think you really love this team. It’s in my blood. My father lost his season tickets, my grandpa lost his season tickets, and one day, God willing, I’ll get to see my son get chased down by security, blind drunk and half-nude. Can he say the same? Poser.” At press time, Binks was showing off his dedication to the Bears by watching the game on his phone in the backseat of his car after getting kicked out of a DeKalb Buffalo Wild Wings. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground “We had people rent it out all over. It was at weddings, anniversaries, parties. This year it’s Minnesota’s. That’s what rivalry trophies are. That’s why they’re so passionate. If Wisconsin wins it, they get to share it with whoever they want to share it with.” – PJ Fleck. The Gophers football program finally got its hands on a rivalry trophy and, instead of putting it in a trophy case like its stewards for 22 of the last 25 years, they proceeded to whore it out as a birthday party prop so their self-promoting, cheap slogan spouting clown coach could make splashy entrances flying to local high school football games in a helicopter. If it was just touring around the State of Minnesota with the Axe, kind of like the Stanley Cup, we could accept that. That would actually be kind of cool; not Wisconsin's tradition, but still a cool thing to do for a generation of Minnesotans who only know what the Axe looks like in the hands of a Badger football player. But, no - PJ rents it out. As in, if you give me enough money, you can have the Axe at your company Christmas Party. As in, if you give me enough money, you can slap the slogan I developed to commemorate my kid's death all over your University, at least until I move on. We at BU feel bad for the poor athletic department intern who was stuck spending her Sunday returning all the deposits for the cancelled holiday party appearances. Minnesota does not have a wall around their state like Wisconsin does. Minnesota relies on gimmicks and they hired a gimmick coach. Gimmicks don't last. Boats sink. Ski U Meh. Hey, hats off to the actual Gopher players who have had a really good season, the best at Minnesota since 1960. They looked great in their PSU win. However, last Saturday was different. PJ Fluke got so severely outcoached by Paul Chryst that it was not even funny. Like when they ran the all-out blitz and Groshek caught the screen pass and ran and ran and ran. Like the end around to Pryor that went for a TD. Like the pass over the top to Cephus, who was covered by a linebacker. Like the TE screen that we haven’t seen since the Bielema era. Like the kickoff reverse after the Goophs scored a second half TD. This game was an across-the-board beatdown. The Badgers defense was physical, laying hits for four quarters. Too bad we dropped three interceptions. And now, a reality check: We have achieved the top end of realistic expectations for this Big Ten season, although we can dream about the “what if” of a blowout win against Illinois. That woulda put us in the 5th to 7th position in the CFP ranking and a possibility of knocking off the Bucknuts to sneak into the playoff. Even that is highly unlikely, and we’d probably be settling for the Rose Bowl anyway which is about where we are sitting now. We gave the Fighting Ill something to cheer for, and Lovie will be taking his squad to a bowl game for the first time in a while. Ohio State would probably beat us in 19 out of 20 meetings and are 17-point favorites Saturday night in Indy. A glimmer of hope is that this year’s prior game against tOSU in Columbus was only a 3-point deficit with three minutes to go in the third quarter. Our defense had contained to that point and laid some good hits on Justin Fields. Our offensive line let us down more than any other unit. If that changes and they at least get a chip block on Chase Young, and we move the chains consistently on 3rd down to keep our offense on the field, then maybe we beat the spread. An upset win is in the wildest dreams category, and would require at least a 0-3 favorable turnover battle in addition to the aforementioned scenarios. Our prediction here at the Badger Underground: Wisconsin 31- Bucknuts 35, close enough for a Rose Bowl berth for 8th ranked Bucky to stay ahead of 10th ranked PSU who will be going down to Orlando for the Citrus Bowl. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game With 4 weeks to go we currently are the No. 3 Seed in the NFC Championship Tournament. The Saints host the Niners this week in a game that will impact the seeding. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves…job one is to win our remaining four games, starting with the Washington Foreskins this Sunday. We are 20-16-1 in the all-time series with the Boston Braves/Washington Redskins with an average score of 20-17. One of the most exciting games in the series was the MNF Game on Oct. 17th, 1983; you can read about that 48-47 beatdown in the Jan 9, 2016 Coach CH edition (Coach was there, and so was the “real” Mark Murphy). The Skins started the 2019 Season 0-4 and then were blown out by the Pats 33-7, costing Coach Jay Gruden his job. With a six-year run that featured a 35-49-1 record and one playoff appearance, Gruden was the longest-tenured coach of Daniel Snyder’s 20-year ownership of Washington’s football team. Snyder fits right in with the DC fat-cats, being an attention-seeking money whore who accomplishes nothing and never seems to leave. Since Gruden's firing the Skins are 3-4 under interim head coach (and former Badgers assistant) Bill Callahan. Callahan became famous in 2011 when his 2003 Raiders team ranked No. 23 for the Dumbest Players in NFL History. Unbelievably, the 3-9 Redskins are still mathematically alive to win the NFC East. While that is not the most likely scenario at this point, they have won their last two games, including an impressive win over the Charlotte Panthers last week. If they win out, and Dallas & Philly lose the right 2 or 3 games (not a stretch), they’re in! …and that’s more than what the Bears can say! So the Packers better be ready. The key to the Skins resurgence has been their running game (uh-oh). Rookie QB Dwayne Haskins, from “the” OSU, has pretty bad passing stats (54.1 Passer Rating), but he can run and move the chains. The biggest factor in the run game is Darren “Grape” Juice, a 2018 2nd round pick who is averaging 5.5 yds/carry. Juice ran for 129 yards and two TD’s in their win against the Panthers last week. Grape Juice is joined in the backfield by child-welfare-advocate, children’s-day-care-operator and NFL-running-back Adrian Peterson, who chipped in 99 yards and a TD against the Charlottes. Peterson will be releasing his new parenting guide and self-help book in time for Christmas, “Discipline for back-sassing-childrens and how to get off Santa’s Naughty-List.” The Skins looked good in Charlotte with 362 yards and held the Panthers Swiss-Army-Knife Chris McCoffee to 102 yards, but for the season they are #15 in giveaways at 1.4/game and are #25 in allowing explosive plays at a rate of 8% (right with the Pack, sigh). All-in-all, we should beat these guys if we play to our season averages in all phases of the game. But hold on, there is another observation to make about the Skins... The NFL rankings for net punting average confirm that we are pedestrian, and still better than Bears, but the Skins are No. 1. Where did the Skins get their punter? You guessed it, the Bears. Skins punter Tress Way signed with the Bears as an undrafted free agent in 2013 and they waived him at the end of Camp. They did it again in 2014 and subsequently Way signed with the Skins. Yes, the Bears had Tress Way in Camp two times and cut him both years. (To be fair, we could have signed him and not wasted a draft pick on JK Scott.) Players? Players? (Oh, I thought you said Playoffs) All this talk about punting, punt coverage, punt returns, got Coach thinking about the talent on our roster, the guys who play special teams and thinking about mistakes we’ve made in recent years. Why does this matter? Well schemes and coaching are important, but players win games and it’s clear that while Gutey has done pretty well, our roster is still only in the middle of the NFL for talent. Wanna get depressed? Over the last few years we have “gotten” the Saints TE Jimmy Graham and they have gotten “our” TE Jared Cook. Just put that in your crock pot for eleven seconds and think about it… In a recent radio interview Coach heard John Kuhn talking about the Saints training camp in 2017 (where he went after not being re-signed by the Pack). He had been told he was “safe” to make the final roster, but on cut-down day he was approached by Sean Payton to say he was going to be cut in a day or two… The reason? The Saints had just “stolen” a guy from the Packers and they needed a roster spot! For whom did they need a spot? Taysom Hill was the first legitimate Mr. August for the Packers since David Hasselhoff. He was tearing it up in Preseason 2017 for the Pack as an UDFA QB from BYU and Ted T stoooopidly thought he could sneak Hill through waivers, so he cut him. Roughly a nano-second later the Saints signed him. Fast forward to 2019 and with four weeks left in the season, there’s one indisputable, unassailable fact: The most versatile player in the NFL is a 29-year-old, third-string quarterback who went undrafted in 2017. In 2019 Hill has rushed 16 times for 127-yards/1-TD and caught 13 passes for 114-yards/4-TD’s (NFL record for QB’s). Those numbers are even more impressive considering Hill has also logged a stunning 55.5 percent of the Saints’ special teams snaps. On Thanksgiving night he was unleashed on the Atlanta Falcons in the Saints' division-clinching 26-18 victory. On just 35 total snaps, Hill blocked a first-quarter punt, "caught" a touchdown "pass" on the ensuing possession and added a rushing score in the second quarter. It was a first half for the ages for the third-year multi-purpose weapon, one Hill knew was coming and one he won't soon forget. Hill became just the second QB since 1950 with a rushing TD and a receiving TD in the same game -- Jim McMahon pulled it off for the Bears in Week 10, 1983. But the secret weapon wishes he had one more score to add to the stat sheet. "We were trying to get a touchdown throw in there too," Hill joked. "It wasn't aligned." According to NFL Next Gen Stats, Hill reached a maximum speed of 20.17 MPH on the TD. It was the fastest offensive touchdown run by New Orleans player this season. In 2018 Hill was used in a variety of positions throughout the Saints' season, including as their primary kick returner. In their 21–18 win over the Browns, he returned his first kick 47 yards. This is 55 yards more than the Packers have on punt returns in all of 2019. Taysom Hill, Coach has a legit man-crush on you and wishes you were still on our roster. Yes, we’ve missed on some players, but the real reason we will beat the Skins is that they have the most immature and 2nd-most dysfunctional owner in the NFL (#JerryJones). The Redskins franchise has a storied history but they have been a disaster since Daniel Snyder bought the team and Jack Kent Cooke Stadium in 1999. Since he bought the Skins, they are 142-189-1 in the regular season and 2-5 in the playoffs. They have regularly spent outrageous amounts in free agency for wash-up veterans and they are on their ninth head coach. Redskins fans have complained about their gameday experience and they have expressed displeasure with Snyder-led initiatives that they feel distract from the enjoyment of attendance. One fan explains: “There's too much hoopla ... Fireworks. Loud music. It's not about the game anymore. They’re trying to generate excitement in an artificial way. It's a distraction. Redskins fans are loyal and loud—they can do it by themselves.” — Steve Lann, whose family has been a season ticket holder since the 1950's Wow…Coach thinks he’s starting to understand where stupid ideas such as foghorns and sledding hills come from. The Packers are 6-3 vs. Redskins in the Daniel Snyder era and have won by an average of 27 – 18 (6-1 if we eliminate the last two Melissa McCarthy led tilts). The Packers need this game to stay ahead of the Queens in the Playoff race and they will be fired up. The Packers remain Kings-in-the-North! Packers 31 Skins 21 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them If you know Coach, then you know I don’t like to toot my own horn about the charitable causes that I partake in. It’s a personal thing, as many of you generous loyal readers can relate to from your own philanthropic endeavors. Anyways, I bumped into former Packers backup center Bill Cherry at a recent YMCA Thanksgiving meal service for the less fortunate, so I thought you might enjoy a tribute to 69 for this week’s JB… I had Bill giggling all night with my trademark sarcasm as we doled out servings, recalling his days as a player (turns out Cherry enjoys a sharp tongue), and he even got me chuckling when he said he tried tasting some of the goods there that day. “It wouldn’t be my first time eating at the Y,” he quipped. “I’m especially fond of their tacos and tuna platters.” For those who might not remember a Cherry at the center position, it’s likely because it was a long time ago and Bill was an unheralded UDFA out of Middle Tennessee State. Over the 1986-87 seasons he suited up for 28 games, but started in zero. How did he make the team? Timing. Coach Forrest Gregg was looking to revive the Packers sweep that he himself helped to make famous as a player in the glory years of the 1960’s. Cherry was very fast on the line, and that was of particular value to Gregg at that time. In fact, the team's nickname for 69 was “Lickety-Split.” When Director of Player Procurement Chuck Hutchison took Cherry and his agent out to dinner on a summer night in 1986 to offer Bill a contract and hand him a jersey, Cherry gratefully exclaimed “Wine me, dine me, 69 me!” Frankly, though, Bill was more consistent in the run game than on pass plays. Cherry’s initial pop against his first rusher was a painful experience (he called it a bloody mess), and he provided little resistance to penetration after that. As Jerry Glanville once said, the NFL stands for Not-For-Long if you’re not very good at what you do, and Bill Cherry had to give up his 69 pullover after two seasons of mostly riding the pine. After football, Bill started a mail-order lingerie business from his basement in Bellevue. His company “Cherry.69” started from modest beginnings with proceeds from his meager and short-lived NFL contract, and he initially had trouble growing his unit relying on oral presentations with individual clients. Fortunately, with the advent of the internet, his wares were easy to lay in front of many customers and his business eventually peaked thanks to the insatiable global desire for lady’s undergarments designed and sold by former NFL linemen. And so this week we pay tribute to 69 with a Cherry on top. Good on you, Bill!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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