Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …the season is long. No shit, Sherlock. A lot can and will happen to change how good the Packers will be, and how good other teams will be, by the time the playoffs come around. I know, not a lot of ** BREAKING NEWS ** there, but my point is to not go into this game thinking it will forecast how January plays out. Arizona is hot right now (uh, their NFL team, I mean). Possibly as hot as they will be all year. They are undefeated and if they get better each week the rest of the NFL is fucked. However, this IS the Cardinals we are talking about so they could experience their annual mid-season collapse any week now (see also, Minnesota Vikings). ...fingers crossed. So a banged up, battered and bruised Green Bay team littered with bums off the street must head out west on 3-days rest again (seems like that's the case every year since Thursday night games became a thing) to take on the undefeated redbirds. I recall in 2011 the Packers beat the Giants in New York by a field goal with just a few games remaining in the regular season, only to lose to them by 17-points at home in the Divisional Round of the playoffs (the G-men went on to beat the Pats in the Super Bowl that year). A lot happened between those 2 games in that season. A LOT. Coach wants you to enjoy the game Thursday night, but don’t use it as some sort of Packers measuring stick for how good or bad they will be in the playoffs because a lot can -- and will -- happen between now and then (but the Bears will still suck) ... at least, in Coach's humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme It was the best of times; it was the worst of times… …Coach predicted a blowout, and we did win by 14, but it did not feel good. The game was entertaining and now we are 6-1, but it sure would be nice to win with some style points. … the Skins QB is a kid called Taylor Heinicke, who played College Ball at Old Dominion and has been a 3rd String/Practice Squad guy with the Viqueens, Pats, Texans, Panthers, St. Louis BattleHawks (XFL) and now the Skins; one of those “fan favorite” guys that we always seem to have around the Packers. Heinicke’s dad was apparently a die-hard Packer fan, and he grew up idolizing Favre and wears #4 in honor of Favre. Too bad for Heinicke, the dumbass dove and hit his knee on the turf and was down on the 1, and the TD was called back! (But let’s be clear, in real football he scored a TD, just not in the current NFL where nobody understands the rules anymore because they are over complicated.) On the following play the Defense had one of their best plays of the year (on 4th and inches). We got the better of Heinicke on this play, but he did run scramble for 95 yards total, a real concern going into the TH night game against Kyler Murray and the Cards. The WTF’s have four 1st Round Picks in their D-Line, one of the best in the NFL, and it showed on Sunday. They completely shut down the running game, we had 13 rushes for 40 yards and Dillion had 2 fumbles on 3 carries (Rodgers had an additional 17 on 2 carries). On this one we were not only beaten but beaten while trying to hold. On pass plays Rodgers was generally under pressure, particularly when the Skins were stunting, much like the last two games. Rodgers gets sacked by 93 Jonathan Allen when he beats C Patrick and LG Runyon on a stunt. The formula for making it difficult on the Packers is to get home with 4 rushers and drop 7 into coverage. Give the Skins credit, even with no DB’s to speak of, they held us 304 Total Yards and 27 min time-of-possession. On top of good D, we had another problem this week with FG kicking. Have a good look, the ball is not only low it’s spinning sideways. A bad kick for sure, but we had “leakage” in the middle and on the Packers right side (again). We are not getting it done in the place-kicking game, and “leakage” was coach-speak from ST Coach Drayton and LaFleur for “our guys cannot f’ng block.” Gotta fix that. So, we won? Yes, Jimmy we did, even if it didn’t feel like it. "We're 6-1," Rodgers said. "Coach's dream situation is winning and still being able to correct a lot of things, so they're happy." Let’s have a gander at the big picture and look at all the Drives for both teams throughout the game. One of the reasons the game felt choppy and not really in our favor is that 5 out of our 9 Drives ended in a punt a fumble or a blocked FG. We scored some points, but we did not control the clock. On 7 of the Skins 10 Drives, we had a good outcome on Defense (no points, the blue line below). Many of those Defensive drives felt bad because we gave up so many yards, but we did block a FG and got an INT and a fumble. Rashan Gary had a fantastic game and Lowry, Coach’s favorite whipping boy over the last few years, has been playing pretty dog gone good in 2021 (unfortunately for him this was ruled a fumble recovery and not an INT). Shockingly, to Coach, we now have the No. 7 Scoring Defense and over the last three games, we have the NO. 3 Scoring Defense behind the Cards and the Bucs!! Let’s hope we can take this D to Arizona! Football is a game of inches. In a moment of, “Really, your gonna call that here?”... On first and 99 ¾ yards from our own goal line, Cobb got called for a false start. Both the Packers and the Skins got a laugh out of this one. Anyway, that’s not the point for Coach. We went absolutely nowhere on this drive after Heinicke was stopped on 4th and goal. Rodgers had a good day statistically, but did nothing on this drive when we were leading 21-7 in the 3rd Qtr. The Sabermetrics guys will tell you that statically the Defensive Team has a higher chance of scoring here then the Offensive Team. Not so for the 2021 Packers. Let Coach introduce you to the Packers MVP for the win over the Skins. In a complete “tole-ya-so” moment for Coach … it has been clear from game one that Borky the punter has been one of the best free agent acquisitions of the Offseason. Borky had three punts:
Borky, your MVP of the game and a guy who is going to win a few more down the stretch. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up ‘New York Times’ Releases Jerry Jones’ Hateful Telegrams Slamming Ottoman Empire ARLINGTON, TX—Revealing hundreds of humiliating and bigoted messages wired by the Cowboys owner last century, The New York Times released a trove of hateful Jerry Jones telegrams Wednesday in which he repeatedly slams the Ottoman Empire. “The Sultan and his brainless Mohammedan hordes are fools for thinking they have any right to rule the Levant,” said one of Jones’ messages, which contain repeated insulting references to the Anatolian people as “greedy spice merchants,” and “butchers of the Balkans.” “I told the Czar he should have crushed that rabble when he had the chance, but now the whole world still trembles in fear of those degraded pirates. Hopefully the Greeks will have their revenge and soon the world will finally be free of the Ottoman menace.” At press time, Jones was refusing to resign as Cowboys owner citing those opinions as completely normal considering the historical context of Texas in the year 2021. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Injured Bear Praying It’s Season Ending CHICAGO—Clutching his hand and screaming in pain in hopes of willing his ligaments into being torn, Bears running back Khalil Herbert was praying after his team's humiliating loss Sunday that his injury would be season ending. “The doctor was smiling as he escorted me off the field; I hope he was just doing that to make me feel better,” said Herbert, who claimed that going down after a brutal collision only to hear you could be back on the field by November was every Bear’s nightmare. “As soon as I went down, I could tell it was only going to be a month, six weeks if I can milk it. You come into the season with so much promise thinking you could be cut loose, but now I can only hope God looks over me and I end up on the IR.” At press time, Herbert was slamming the Bears medical staff for their incompetence after being told he could return next week. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground PREPPING FOR CAMP RANDALL CORN ROAST! After the as-predicted drubbing of the Boil Lancers on their home turf, we at the BU are getting fired up. As a reminder, here is what we foreshadowed in last week’s dispatch, as we pat ourselves on the back with a victory lap (prediction was 31-10)...
We are not sure if he put "Death Row" on the arm to scare Purdue or to scare away anyone who might potentially try to stick a vaccine in his arm, but we love that he’s writing menacing phrases on his arm with marker. That is who you want playing linebacker. Who could have predicted that Bucky wouldn’t have a completed pass in the last 39 minutes of the game, finished 1-11 on 3rd downs and had 5 fumbles, 4 by Braelon Allen. The offense still can’t pass block and Chryst obviously does not trust it enough to give a more balanced attack. With two offenses seemingly incapable of executing a forward pass facing off Saturday, the game will be decided on turnovers. Iowa has been more successful creating turnovers and not committing turnovers. Don’t expect Chryst to allow many opportunities. The alternative would be ugly, like the 2015 clash when Badger QB Joel Stave was responsible for 4 turnovers - 2 fumbles, 2 INTs - including a botched handoff at the Iowa 1-yard-line in the 4th quarter and the Badgers trailing 10-6. Iowa’s offensive line is just as bad as Bucky’s when it comes to pass blocking. Most receptions either way will be to tight ends, with a few going to running backs. Offensive scores will be set up by turnovers and a resulting short field. Expect at least one strip six. Bucky’s defense will spend more time in the Iowa backfield than they will spend in our backfield, see #5 above! We rush for 140 yards and Iowa rushes for 85 yards. Neither team exceeds 120 yards passing. We attempt more than 10 passes only if we fall behind by 7 or more. Bucky will be the last one standing, 13-6. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The Arizona Cardinals are the NFL's only undefeated team! Oh no, we cannot win! How you say in Engrish? Oh yeah, "Bullshit." Statistically it’s true, we are toast:
Not so fast, Bucko -- Vegas has installed the Cards as 3.5-point winners. Wait, are they nuts, the Cards should kill us! No, Jimmy, Vegas is not crazy, we have a real shot at winning this game. Jimmy, you may be aware that BeriBeri is out as D-Coordinator with Covid, and that D-Backs Coach and former Top-5 NFL DC Jerry Gray will be running the Defensive show. Advantage Packers. You may also be aware that Davante Adams is out, and Rodgers does a better job of running the offense with him on the sidelines (6-0 without Adams in the LaFleur era, put “Adams” in the search bar above and you’ll see the analysis from two weeks ago). Advantage Packers. No BeriBeri, no Adams? No problem! These are exactly the kind of challenges that provides Rodgers the motivation to play well and spread the ball around! Let’s take a little trip down memory lane, you may remember the headline from 2018, the last time we played the Cards … … and the outcome of that game … which lead to the firing of Melissa McCarthy…. Goodbye and good riddance to McCarthy, hello LaFleur, thank you Cards! We are 45-26-4 all-time against the Racine / Chicago / St. Louis / Phoenix Cardinals. NFL/Packers interstitial trivia … quick, what was the last Team that Curly Lambeau coached?
Coach is not gonna tell ya, you have the Google, you can figure it out … Ok, back to The Show!!!, in the Rodgers era we are 2-2 in the Regular Season (1-1 Home and Away), with an average score of about Packers 22-20 over the Cards. The “however” is that we’ve had two heartbreaking OT losses in the desert. Both Playoff OT losses were on TD’s, including the heartbreaker in 2016 on Larry Fitzgerald’s TD. But our 2021 team is much more like 1982 than 2016. Wait, what? 1982 NFC Playoffs: January 8, 1983 The Packers beat the St. Louis Cardinals 41-16 in the first home playoff game since the Ice Bowl 15 years earlier. Bart Starr’s Packers finished 5-3-1 during the strike-shortened 1982 season, which earned them the 3rd-seed in the expanded NFC Playoffs and a date with Neil Lomax, O.J. Anderson and the Cardinals. Lynn Dickey was starting his first playoff game, and the veteran signal-caller came through with flying colors. Dickey threw for 260 yards and four touchdowns, including a sweet 60-yard toss to John Jefferson in the first quarter that put the Packers in the lead for good. J.J. finished the game with six grabs for 148 yards and a pair of scores. For Dickey, who played in Green Bay from 1976-1985, the game was the high point of his career. “I just kept thinking, ‘Man, mid-January, it’s the playoffs at Lambeau Field. It doesn’t get any better than this,’” Dickey said. Truer words never spoken. Nobody else may see the win, but Coach does! Packers 30 (OT) Cards 27 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them So Coach was at Lambeau on Sunday (of course) and after the final gun I befriended a senior man donning Washington Football Team wear who came to Green Bay from DC to watch the game. I ask him if the fans here treated him well, and I’m proud to say he quickly responded “Yes, everyone was real nice here.” We did the small talk thing and he mentioned that coming to Lambeau was on his bucket list. I asked him why, and he said he wanted to see Rodgers in person (he also joked Washington would take Rodgers if he wants out of Green Bay next year). Then another senior citizen (must have been eves dropping on us) leaned in and commented that it was his first game at Lambeau, too, and he’s been a fan since Lombardi was a Coach in 1959. The first gentlemen then said (to my amazement), “Oh, I played against one of Lombardi's players when I was in high school, Willy Wood. I was from the east side of DC and he played for the technical school, Armstrong. He was a big deal in DC in those days, but we won the game 24-23.” I said “You still remember the score?” and he replied, “Well, it was a pretty big game!” Awesome stuff. Anyways, I immediately went to the interweb when I got home to find and share the lowdown on Packers great, Willy Wood (you’re welcome)… Willy Vernell Wood was an eight-time Pro Bowler and a nine-time All-Pro. In 1989, he was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. More than that, Willy Wood was one of the best defensive backs in NFL history, grabbing 48 interceptions during his career, with a reputation as a tough hitter. He had a memorable interception in Super Bowl I when the Packers beat the Kansas City Chiefs. He has a street named after him in Washington DC. “Willie Wood Way” is the block of N Street NW between First Street NW and New York Avenue NW. He grew up on this stretch of road in the 1950s, and Wood played football at the neighborhood boys club before he went on to become a star player at Armstrong High School and a quarterback at USC -- the first African-American quarterback to play in what is now the Pac-12 Conference. Undrafted out of USC, he was granted a try-out with Green Bay. Wood changed his position to safety in his rookie year, and played for the Packers from 1960 to 1971, winning five NFL championships. He holds the record for most consecutive starts by a safety in NFL history. Wood went into coaching and was the first black coach in professional football when he coached the Philadelphia Bell of the World Football League in 1975. He was also the first black coach in the Canadian Football League. Holy F’ing shit that’s amazing! I wish I knew more about Willy Wood sooner, because he had an amazing career – unfortunately the best of it on the grid iron was a little before Coach’s time. Also unfortunate, he past away in February of last year … he was 84 years old. Now, I think(?) the WFT fan that I met may have mentioned Willy Wood was a grade or two ahead of him in high school, which means my new acquaintance is probably over 83 years old. I hope I am that spry if/when I get to be that age. Oh, and he did mention he intends to come back to Green Bay again next year to watch another game! So, a lot of salutes go out this week:
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: It’s OK to admire Aaron Rodgers… I’m talking to you, Bears fans. Rodgers stating metaphorically that he owns you appears to have provoked your ire. Awe, that’s a shame. During my travels this week, Coach actually heard Chicago radio listeners call into their favorite sportstalk station on Monday to suggest Rodgers is classless, and then expressed their wish for Rodgers to get hurt and be out for several weeks. That’s like a piece of shit telling a rose that is smells unpleasant (in this simile, only the rose is a metaphor). In the 2018 season opener against the Bears at Lambeau (McCarthy’s last season), Bears fans (possibly including you) in the stands overtly celebrated the leg injury that Rodgers suffered with 9:18 left in the 2nd quarter as he was carted off into the tunnel, and proceeded to heckle Packers fans about it (as if Rodgers getting hurt was some sort of skill that Bears fans unleashed that night). No Packers fans were surprised by the classless actions of the Bears fans. …disappointed in them for sure, but unfortunately not surprised. As everyone knows, however, sweet justice came about in the 2nd half when Rodgers returned and rallied the Pack to a 24-23 victory and you loud mouths with C’s on your hats sheepishly slithered out of the stadium. If you had the ability to reflect honestly, you’d realize what Packers fans see written all over your faces: you’re just jealous you don’t have Rodgers and never will (he confirmed that publicly last week). So who DO Chicagoans admire then? Well, this year they ran poster-boy-for-decency, Kris Bryant, out of town (I’m being kind, he was begging to get out of Chicago). Rather, at the top of their hero pedestal sits the likes of cocky-boy Javier Baez, bat-flipping Tim Anderson, and mouth-running A. J. Pierzynski, to name a few. You'll recall Pierzynski’s White Sox manager famously said, “If you’re playing against our team you hate A.J., and if you’re playing with our team you hate him a little less.” Chicagoans shamelessly seem to find profound class in the on-the-field taunts, gestures, and cry-baby media whining sessions that all these punk athletes have repeatedly demonstrated. Frankly, you deserve each other. …at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Here’s the only important thing for you to know… Now that you are smarter than you were 3 seconds ago, head back out to the woods and finish baiting the deers trap. You want more on the game? Well, we fell asleep in the 1st Qtr and let Rookie QB Jesse Field score a TD, then we woke up, scored 17 points and the game was over. You already know that Coach loves his statistics, and frankly Coach is a bit disappointed in the lack of blowouts … but a 10-point win over the Bears at the Eyesore-on-the-Lakeshore is “rio nice.” Especially when we rushed for 31 times for 154 yards against the #10 Rushing Defense. AJ Dillion averaged better than 5 ½ yards/carry and is clearly becoming the RB we thought he would be. Rodgers had a Passer Rating of 128 on only 23 attempts. Let that sink in … we ran 31 times and only passed 23 times … and we controlled the ball for over 32 minutes. The Defense has been frustrating all year, but it is showing signs of improvement. After giving up 38 to NOLA in the opener, we are now the 13th best Scoring Defense (22.7 pts/gm) … and… we are the 5th best Scoring Defense over the last 3 games (17.7 pts/gm) Offense is great. Super. Pretty. But Defense wins in January. Down 24-14 with 2:26 left in the game, the Bears made it to the Packers 32-yard-line and were threatening. Kenny Clark ended the game by sacking Jesse Field twice and the Bears ended the game on an incompletion on 4th & 26 from the Packers 48. Sweet! Special Teams also had some highlights! Mason Crosby was 4-for-4 kicking (3 XP’s & 1 FG), time to get going on another streak. And Borky? Aye-yi-yi Borky had another great game punting, highlighted by this 82-yarder that flipped the field from our 18 and left the Bears starting from their 20. Let’s hope he can keep this up when the gales of November come early. Yup, Coach is starting to believe in this Team… …overcoming a ton of key injuries and our Erin even broke out the 2010 Championship Belt. Yes, to repeat, kids … he is a petulant-self-absorbed-sphincter, but he’s our petulant-self-absorbed-sphincter … and we’re riding this train to the Ship. You want more proof? There is no better sight than seeing Field, the Rookie QB, automatically assuming the Jay-Cutler-NFC-Championship-Position! Jim McMahon was prescient when he said the Bears are where QB’s go to die. Welcome Jesse Field. Are the Packers perfect? Hell no! All the Stats put us in the middle of the NFL pack. 15th in Points Scored 13th in Points Allowed (and an abysmal record 15 for 15 TD’s allowed in the Red Zone) 13th in Point Differential If not improved, this portends bad news in the gauntlet of good teams coming soon. Let’s have a look at some of what the problems are. O-Line Coach Steno has been a magician, but he has had to deal with up to 4 rookies or first year players at a time and it is by no means a perfect group. Rookie RG (#70) Royce Newman has played really when on running plays, but has struggled at times with pass blocking. Newman gave up two sacks against the Bears, both times when he missed a blocking hand-off when the D-Line stunted. D-Backs You may recall that when we traded Josh Jackson to the Giants for Isaac Yiadam the reports were that he was just like Jackson: a liability in coverage and an adequate Special Teamer. Yiadam proved the reports correct. He was immediately benched after this Def PI and his replacement, Rasul Douglas, played pretty well the rest of the game. Douglas was signed by Gutey from Arizona Cardinals' practice squad only 11 days earlier. And Special Teams Coverage? WTF? What Coverage? Kick-off coverage has been terrible this year and now let’s add punt coverage to the list. Thank goodness for the block-in-the-back penalty … this was at the end of a fantastic Borky 50-yard punt that would have been real trouble for us if it wasn’t called back. OK, moving on… WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Jags Rookie Coach Still Adjusting To Speed Of NFL Cover-Ups JACKSONVILLE, FL—Apologizing to Jaguars fans for his early failures in leading the team, Jacksonville coach Urban Liar admitted to reporters Tuesday that he is still adjusting to the speed of NFL cover-ups. “At the college level, these scandals take a lot longer to develop, and I’ll admit I just haven’t done the work to adjust my press strategy from Ohio State,” said Liar, who explained that he was often able to shut down a damaging story or sweep a player’s transgressions under the rug with a single phone call while running a college program. “The NFL media ecosystem is just more complex than college, so I can’t run with the same simple denials I used in the past. I’m dealing with grown adults now, and lots of people have their own ideas that I can’t just override by throwing them off the team or threatening to take away a scholarship. Jaguars fans deserve a better level of cover-up than I’ve been providing, and I’m committed to learning and getting better.” At press time, Liar had hired a former assistant from the Steelers so he could learn how they managed to sweep everything Ben Roethlisberger has done under the rug. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Chicago Championship For Women’s Team Counts CHICAGO—Following the Bears humiliating loss to the Green Bay Packers at Soldiers Field on Sunday, Mayor Lori “Beetlejuice” Lightfoot proclaimed that the WNBA championship granted to the Chicago Sky (nice name) that same day will now count as a thing. “We can’t expect the Bears to ever be competitive, so we’ll take anything we can get – even if it means having to first explain to the people here that we have a women’s basketball team.” When reminded that no mention was made of the Chicago women’s team playing in the WNBA Championship game during the Bears home game NFL broadcast, the mayor was quick to belt out a hardy “Congratulations to the Sky!” at her regular Monday morning press conference to confirm the number of murders in Chicago over the weekend (only 4 of the 24 people shot actually died, so that’s … uh, good?). Then when one reporter asked if a ticker-tape parade for the Sky through the downtown area would be administered by the city, the mayor quickly chided “Oh, hell no.” “The next time I watch a WNBA game ... will be the first time I watch a WNBA game.” - Norm McDonald (RIP) Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky Favored for 8th Consecutive Week, Badger Underground Raises Eyebrows Bucky and BU were looking at this game as an automatic win. Now, those darn engineers beat #2 Iowa. Yes, Iowa is still #2 in our book, but only in the excrement sense. But, needless to say, Bucky needs to pay attention. With the Badgers favored by 3.5 points at Purdue this Saturday, it appears Vegas has confused Badgers football with Badgers women’s volleyball. Favored versus Ped State, favored versus Notre Dame, and couldn’t cover the spread vs. Army. Thanks to Purdue’s beat-down of the second-ranked Fraudeyes in Iowa City, the Big Ten West division is now wide open. Iowa rose in the rankings after rallying from a 17-7 deficit the week before vs. Ped State to win after the Nits’ QB was knocked out of the game. Purdue went into the Iowa game on the heels of defeat at the hands of cult leader P.J. Fleck’s Goophs and an underwhelming 13-9 win vs. Illinois the week before. Purdue averages 45 passes per game and receiver David Bell shredded a supposedly good Iowa defense for 11 catches and 240 yards. They have three quarterbacks putting up better numbers than Graham Mertz. Nobody is going to run on Wisconsin, but Wisconsin has not faced a passing attack like this. This is a game where Wisconsin gets exposed for not having an edge pass rush threat since the graduation of Zack Baun. There is plenty of tape to show opponents that they should go at Scott Nelson early and often. This would be a good week to actually catch would-be interceptions that hit Badgers defenders in the hands. Hopefully they fare better against Purdue’s gadget plays than they did vs. Michigan’s flea-flicker. Offensively, Wisconsin has displayed zero improvement in pass protection. Out of 129 teams in all of college football, they're 115th in points per game, 100th in yards per play, 123rd in turnovers. Mertz rarely has time to look past his primary receiver as the pocket regularly disintegrates around him. Circle the name George Karlaftis. He is a disrupter who is going to eat Badgers tackles alive. Smart teams have run away from him and chipped him with TE’s. Purdue also has a very good safety tandem. Not a good week for Mertz to be forcing the ball through a keyhole in the middle of the field to receivers who can’t get separation. Look for the Badgers to attempt to run the ball even more than usual. Playing from behind is a position that Wisconsin does not want to find itself in. So, what happens Saturday? Yes, we are surprised at the 3.5 point away advantage. And yes, we will blow that away. Bucky will defy the odds and play a turnover-free game on offense, rushing for 280 yards. Leo Chenal spends the afternoon in the Purdue backfield blowing up Jeff Brohm’s (former Packers QB) playbook. We win the turnover margin and prevail on Kyle Orton Appreciation Day, 31-10, making it 15 wins in a row over Purdue. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Coach, who are we playing this week? Honestly Jimmy, I’m not really sure, but they are a storied franchise and the Packers are 21-16-1 against them all time. We know that that they have had many Hall-of-Fame players over the years, like Long-Snapper Alonzo Flowers. We know that they are in 2nd place in the NFC Least Division and that they have beaten the Giants and the Falcons by a combined 5 points. We know that their owner, Daniel Snyder has been “suspended” by the NFL and the Team is being “run” by his wife. We also know that he is at the heart of the NFL investigation that reviewed 650 trillion e-mails and only found “bad ones” associated with Chucky. We know that they are QB’d by a kid who grew up idolizing Brett Favre and he tries to play like him. Heinicke, like former Wesley College and Packers QB Joe Callahan, is a fan favorite! We also know that he is not a good QB. (He got the nod when start Ryan Fitzpatrick broke his hip, kinda like Coach’s mother-in-law.) We know that they have the: #21 Scoring Offense #32 Scoring Defense We know the line is 9.5 points and the net margin advantage for the Packers 11.6 points. We know that Head Coach Ron Rivera was a stud OLB with the ’85 Bears, and that he is a mediocre Head Coach (85-76-1). Unrelated, Hispanic Heritage Month just ended its bizarre calendar stint, Sep 15, 2021 - Oct 15, 2021. We know that true fans of the Team have been disappearing. Between gross mismanagement of the Team, unending Snyder-Scandals and team moniker confusion, the average Washington Fan is left to feel like they are victims of identity theft. What we don’t know is “what will the new name be for the once proud Washington Redskins?” That set Coach on a mission to find out what the folks in D.C. are thinking … and which options they are considering. Option 1: Washington FC OK, this might work if they join the English Premier League. Option 2: The Deadskins Hmmm, Coach understands the sentiment, but not very motivational. Also, this is what Ravens fans call them. Option 3: The Washington Thinskins Ok, now we’re getting somewhere. Option 4: The Washington Foreskins Can you think of a better team name for a city that has the 536 most senior elected officials in the country? Option 5: Washington Team Football Obviously the one that will be selected because no one will be offended. Voting for your preferred option starts today! Simply write “I prefer Option _X_” on the back of a $100 bill and mail it to: Coach’s Option Voting 1004 Brett Favre Pass Green Bay, WI 54304 Why will we really win? We have a better team, a better roster and better Coaching. Roster management is critical to winning and Gutey is not resting. There were a couple of dozen roster moves made in October, but three were critical to bolster all the injuries on Defense. Selected October Roster Moves 10/21 LB Whitney Mercilus signed will have no mercy at all for the Skins. Why is he here? Zed's dead, baby, Zed's dead. 10/07 LB Jaylon Smith signed; played against the Bears (and was pretty much lost), hopefully he’ll be better oriented this week. Why is he here? Gutey must have at least line backer named Smith on the active roster at all times. 10/06 CB Rasul Douglas signed from Arizona Cardinals' practice squad, he played a lot and played well in the Bears game. Why is he here? Well, besides keeping Kevin King on the bench, he knows a thing or two about our upcoming opponent, the undefeated Arizona Redbirds. Ya know what Coach is tinkin’? We aint hadda blow out yet, en we’re gonna have our first one of the year this weekend! Better break open the kids’ piggy banks and bet all ya got. Packers 31 Skins 13 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them The Washington Redskins organization came into the NFL in 1932, but were then known by a much less offensive name, the Boston Braves. That year the Pack went 10-3-1* overall (the year after they won their 3rd consecutive NFL Championship), were undefeated at home, and pummeled the NFL expansion team in Boston on November 13 by a score of 21-0 in front of 16,500 fans. It’s famously rumored that current Buccaneers QB Tom Brady had snuck into the bleachers that day to watch the game with some grammar school friends. He no doubt wanted to get a glimpse of the Packers’ rookie sensation, Clarke Hinkle. [* - By today’s standards, the Packers actually would have won a 4th consecutive NFL Championship based on wins. In 1932, however, there were no playoff games and ties were more common, so even though the Packers had more wins than any other NFL team that year the Bears were “granted” the NFL title with a record of 6-1-6. Complete bullshit, right? Well, it’s no coincidence that the Bears funded a lot of NFL executives’ salaries at that time, and the Packers were near broke with a looming lawsuit from a drunk, syphilis-stricken fan who fell out of their stands that year and broke his coccyx, so you do the math.] A native of Toronto, Ohio, Hinkle played college football for Bucknell from 1929 to 1931. He scored 50 points in a single game as a sophomore and led Bucknell to an undefeated season in 1931. When Curly Lambeau later inked him to an NFL contract, Hinkle said “I wanted to play so badly that I would have signed for nothing.” As a Packer, Hinkle presented a rare combination of power, speed, and accurate kicking. He played on offense as a fullback, defense as a linebacker, and special teams as the place kicker and punter (widely regarded as the best punter in the NFL at the time). He was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame as part of its second class of inductees in 1964. Known as one of the toughest players in the era of iron man football, Hinkle held the all-time NFL records for rushing yardage and carries when his playing career ended. He led the NFL in touchdowns (7) in 1937, in points scored (58) in 1938, and in field goals made and field goal percentage in both 1940 and 1941. He was selected as a first- or second-team All-Pro in each of his 10 NFL seasons and helped lead the Packers to 2 (really should be 3) NFL championships in 1936 and 1939 (and 1932). Hinkle's competition with Chicago Bears legend Bronko Nagurski was especially memorable. Hinkle was the only player to ever knock Nagurski out of a game. Hinkle cited that 1934 collision with Nagurski as his greatest day in football. He recalled: "I was carrying the ball and Nagurski charged in to make the tackle. WHAM! We banged into each other. Nagurski had to be removed from the game with a broken nose and two closed eyes. Strangely enough, I suffered no ill effects and was able to continue playing." Nagurski later called Hinkle the "toughest man I ever played against." Hinkle’s toughness remained to the end. On November 2, 1941, in his final game against the Chicago Bears, Hinkle had his leg torn open by an opponent's spike but returned late in the game to kick a game-winning field goal from the 44-yard line. Coach cannot confirm nor deny reports that Hinkle shouted to fans “I’ve owned you all my life! I still own you!” when the pigskin spun end-over-end through the uprights as time expired.
Clarke Hinkle’s playing career was cut short in 1942 by the Japs (military service). He was honorably discharged from the Coast Guard in 1946 and began working for the Kimberly-Clark paper company in Neenah, Wisconsin. He eventually moved to and later died in Steubenville, Ohio in 1988 at age 79 following a long illness. If you go to watch Packers training camp, their 2 outdoor practice facilities are Ray Nitschke Field (east of the Don Hutson Center), and Clarke Hinkle field on the west side (right on Oneida Avenue). A fitting tribute. So this week we posthumously salute you, Clarke Hinkle, as an all-time Packers great! Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Gruden forced his way out… The timing was too perfect. Halloween is approaching, USA Network / SYFY Channel launched its new “CHUCKY” TV series this week, and – as Erin Rodgers proved, you can’t be both an NFL star AND star in a hit TV show at the same time. So what’s a bigot to do? Easy, pull out some old emails and “leak” them to investigators who are looking to take down the former president of the Redskins. Sorry, I mean the Washington Football Team. Bippi-dee-bop, 2-minutes later, no one questions your excuse to resign, and you can fulfill your dream of being a primetime cable TV star. Wait, didn’t … he have … a gig like that … already? Anyway, Urban Meyer sure is happy. Talk about a well-timed diversion! A little grab-ass-grind (a.k.a. “GAG” to the AARP community) is nothing compared to racist tropes, sprinkled with some NFL-Commissioner-demeaning comments laid out for all to see. You know who else is happy? Erin Rodgers. He was almost playing for Gruden this year! Good thing that didn’t pan out. …at least, in Coach's humble opinion. Oh, as a reminder, and I can’t believe I even have to say this, but… The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! is satire. Often we use sarcasm -- sometimes even to shed light on the stoopidity of prejudice in the football world (yes, I know it’s supposed to be spelled “stupidity” – sheeez, are you not getting this?). And by “football” I mean the stuff the Packers play, not that gay (happy) soccer stuff. See also, The People vs. Larry Flint. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme In the end we won, we’re 4-1 and we’re not apologizing, no matter how ugly we looked doing it. We out gained the Bungles 466 to 367 yards, but we have bottom-of-the-NFL Red Zone Offense and Defense. (Literally every time the other team has gotten in the RZ they have scored a TD.) And after 3 missed FG and a missed XP, Crosby kicked the game winning score. Said Aaron Jones: "I went up to him and just told him I loved him. That was it. He told me he loved me, gave me a little head nod, and went out there and hit the game-winner.” Coach is confident that Ray Nitschke would have said something different… but hey, I guess Coach grew up in a different era. The Bengals HC, Zac Taylor, was at a loss to describe his team’s 25-22 defeat to the Packers. “I just hate f’ng kickers,” said Taylor. I think he kicked a wall and broke his foot or something like that, I don’t know, but we just didn’t score enough runs to win.” It was a crazy game with five out of the last seven drives ending with missed field goals. On Sunday, NFL kickers also missed 12 extra points — tying the Super Bowl-era record for most in one week set in Week 11 of 2016 — and shanked 12 field goal attempts. It was the first time since the NFL moved back the extra-point line of scrimmage in 2015 that kickers missed double-digit attempts on both field goals and extra points in the same week. This season, NFL kickers are converting only 92.4 percent of their extra-point attempts from the 15-yard line, the lowest success rate since the 1979 season (91.3 percent), when extra points were attempted from the 2-yard line. Crosby had not missed multiple field goals in a game since the 2018 disaster in Detroit, when he missed four field goals and an extra point. Since that game he’d only missed a total of 4 field goals combined, across all games, until kicking in Cincinnati. Crosby became the first kicker to miss three field goals in the fourth quarter and/or overtime since the Giants' Jay Feely in Week 12 of the 2005 season against the Seahawks. Coach, is kicking a FG really that hard to do? Yes Jimmy, it is. Crosby’s longest miss on the day was a 51 yarder, which has a little less than a 7-degree window to kick through. Soze, Coach, how tight is a 7-degree window anyway? Well Jimmy, you know when you have to pee in the stand-up toilets at school? And you know how hard it is to aim for one of those little holes, while missing the big breath mint, and keep your aim right on the hole? Well, that’s a 10-degree window. That missed extra point on the first touchdown is what put the game into OT in the first place. Lots has been made of the mechanics, the snap, the hold, yada, yada, yada. The fact remains that Crosby has now made 28 out of his last 31 kicks (90.3%), which puts him in the top 5 kickers over the last three years … so lighten up, Francis, Crosby is not why the game was so close. One play (maybe two) turned the whole game into a potential debacle for the Pack (Coach will ignore ANOTHER HUGE KICK RETURN by the opponents RIGHT BEFORE HALFTIME, which seems to occur every week). Up 16-7 with seconds remaining in the 1st Half, DC BeriBeri called a “prevent nothing” defense... Parents, please teach your children to use what Coach likes to call the “two hands” technique. It works great for catching all sorts of things, like footballs for instance. Notice the pass rush? No, you don’t, because there is none (it emerged later that there was confusion on the call and only two guys are rushing). Didn’t we just see a cheap TD before Half-Time cost us a game last January? Thank goodness we were playing the Bungles and not the Bucs. Speaking of bungles … there were plenty of other mistakes and reasons we did not achieve an easy blow out the Bungles. You may not realize this, but a key element in successful football plays is something called “blocking” … which Equanimeous St. Brown demonstrates how not to do. Let’s hope MVS gets back from IR soon and ESB goes back to the Practice Squad (or is cut). This play for minus-1 yard on the 25-yard line ended up killing the drive after Rodgers forced an incompletion to Adams on 3rd down (the drive ended in a FG to make it 9-7 Pack). But obviously it wasn’t all bad for the Offense, AJ Dillion is really emerging as a receiving threat. Speaking of forcing throws to Adams. There has been a lot written and said this week about Erin Rodgers focusing too much on Davante Adams. Let Coach be clear, Adams is a tremendous talent and needs to be heavily involved in the game. BUT! The problem arises when the game is tight and literally everyone in the stadium knows that Rodgers is going to force the ball to Adams. The throw above is the play immediately after the ESB missed block. It’s 3rd & 11 and Erin forces a throw to a covered Adams when Lazard is open underneath and Bobby Tonyan is coming open on the right side. Adams caught 11 passes for a career-high 206 yards and a touchdown in the Packers’ win over the Bungles, but it doesn’t change the facts in the Matt LaFleur era. The Packers are: 6-0 and score 33 points/gm when Adams does not play. 26-9 and score 26 points/gm when Adams plays. All 9 losses of the LaFleur era came with Adams playing and with Adams getting about 1/3rd of the pass targets. When the Adams-security-blanket is not available, Rodgers more effectively involves other players. Period. For most Regular Season games this doesn’t matter very much, the Rodgers-Adams connection scores a buncha points and looks pretty…but, the problem is in the big games… the problem is in the games we lose and are not balanced offensively… The problem is Rodgers, not Adams. In an alarming development, HC Petite Fleur said “statistics are for losers” when asked this week if there was a problem. That’s usually the first sign that things are slipping. (See also: failed NFL Head Coach; Melissa McCarthy.) OK, enough of the rant. Coach is going to repeat something from last week: And probably the thing that makes Coach the happiest is that we are 3-1, even with a bunch of injuries piling up. (Now 4-1) Go ask Hoody or TB12 if they care about “winning” the Regular Season. The Regular Season is about forming a team and testing depth. The 2010 Pack was only 10-6, but they played better and better throughout the Season, all while piling up a record number of guys on Season-Ending-Injured-Reserve. Yes, we’ve had a ton of injuries, but that hasn’t stopped Gutey from making a ton of improvements. How many teams can win on the road without three of their five offensive line starters -- one an All-Pro and another a Pro Bowler -- and without their two best defensive players? Gutey keeps finding guys and LaFleur keeps winning, pretty or not. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL Warns Unvaccinated Players Will Face Consequences For Domestic Violence Charges NEW YORK—Stressing that Covid-19 outbreaks are devastating for teams, the National Football League warned Wednesday that unvaccinated players would face consequences for domestic violence charges. “If a game is cancelled due to multiple Covid infections, the NFL will be forced to finally start punishing unvaccinated team members for abusive behavior towards their girlfriend, spouse, or children,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, adding that the league would not hesitate to fine, investigate, or even suspend the unvaccinated players in question, even if their charges had been previously swept under the rug by coaches, police, or the league. “While 75% of NFL players are partially vaccinated with one shot, those who refuse will risk their entire team being punished for domestic violence crimes they committed as far back as in college. If you’re unvaccinated and end up in a bar fight, or the police get called to your house at 3 a.m. and some nasty cell phone footage gets leaked, we may no longer completely look the other way.” Goodell added that this edict in no way is intended to distract fans attention from recent revelations that the NFL has been turning a blind eye to egregious behaviors in the coaching and management ranks for many years. He went on to clarify, “Although we reviewed 650,000 e-mails from League magnates who felt totally comfortable expressing their darkest perspectives to Washington's Bruce Allen, we only found a few that were questionable and they all were John Gruden's. Nobody else. Now turn away and take comfort in knowing we have put that one to bed.” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Sign Young 70-Year-Old Backup To Compete With Virginia Halas McCaskey For Owner Job Using rival Green Bay Packers quarterbacks-drafting strategy to light a fire under their chief executive after years of poor performance, the Chicago Bears signed a young 70-year-old backup owner on Tuesday to compete with 98-year-old Virginia Halas McCaskey for her job. The Bears have been in the NFL since the league's first year in 1920 and in that time, the team has only been owned by one family, but according to Jim O'Donald of the Daily Herald in Chicago, there's some "internal strife going on among family members to get an influx of youthful ownership ... now." “We love Virginia, but she just hasn’t been performing to her full potential the past few decades, so we thought the time was right to give her a little motivation,” said Bears president Ted Phillips, who claimed that while the team is not planning on moving on from their longtime owner, it did not hurt to have a little insurance if her skills continue to decline. “It’s not meant as a sign of disrespect, but in the end, it’s all about results and how the team did last year. You can’t just coast by on your legacy. We also can’t deny that Virginia is getting up there and is a serious injury risk. Her career could be cut short by a broken hip any day now.” At press time, McCaskey was demanding to be traded to another franchise unless the team replaced underperforming vice president Patrick McCaskey. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Army comes to Camp Randall for the first time (since the Civil War) With Army’s daunting aerial attack that boasts even more TD passes this year than the vaunted Badgers QB Graham Mertz, Bucky better watch out! We have video of flat-footed defenders watching undefended Black Knights catching WA open TD passes. Really, we do. That being said, Bucky came through and beat the beatable last weekend and vanquished Mr. Buffet and the fighting Ill. Many running yards were gained even without the now dismissed Ron Dayne / Jonathan Taylor New Jersey heir apparent RB Jalen Berger (who shall now and forever go by “Jeff Spicoli” on this outlet), awesome dude! We wish Jalen (ahem Jeff) to land at some University and do well. Saturday’s intriguing matchup with Army features two of the nation’s top four teams in terms of time of possession. Army leads the nation at 39 minutes 46 seconds per game. The Black Knights have run 358 plays to 253 for their opponents, an average of 21 more plays per game. UW is No. 4 in time of possession at 35:46. The Badgers have run 374 plays to 279 for their opponents, an average of 19.0 more plays per game. With UW clinging to its number one ranking for pick-sixes given up, both teams may run the ball 9 out of every 10 plays. The 2021 Army team runs the same offense as their 1908 team, so we should know their plays by now. But this isn’t your grandpa’s triple option offense. Fresh twists have been added to their ground attack, including in-motion deceptions and sideline distractions. Kudos to the United States Military Academy at West Point for going woke decades ago, letting women cadets join the ranks. Here you see some of the Black Knights cheerleaders (nicknamed “Orangey’s Girls”), who were recently commissioned by the former Commander-In-Chief. Despite all that, we’re picking Bucky by 17 and to run the table from here on out. The OL has two weeks to straighten out their stuff before Iowa comes to town Halloween weekend. With that accomplished, the rest will fall into place. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game On to Chicago! Coach invites you to join him and the Lumber Jack Band on the train to Chicago. It would have been fantastic to join Johnny Blood McNally sneaking out of his hotel room for a full night of frolicking before the game and to see the hungover Lumber Jack Band parading around the Loop in Chicago … … rest easy kids, we may not be able to take the train with the Team, but some things have never changed and never will! The Chicago Staleys used the number 11 overall pick in the 2021 NFL Draft on Justin Field, a kid who played at the State University in Ohio. Who knows, he may be decent in a few years, but Coach is betting that Jim McMahon’s assertion will rule the day (the Bears are where QB’s go to die). In no surprise to anyone who follows football, the Staleys have the lowest average passing yds/game in the NFL. With no passing game, it’s no surprise that the Staleys have turned to the run game and are averaging a respectable 127 yards/gm, good enough for 9th in the League. The formula for the Bears, since the founding of the franchise, has been: good Defense (they have the #7 scoring D) bad Offense (they have the #30 scoring O) good Teams when ST Unit is exceptional (e.g., Devin Hester). Unbelievably, everyone in Chicago is hyped up and they are convinced they will win the game. In a 20-9 upset of the Raiders last week, the defense allowed 259 total yards, holding the Raiders 147.5 yards below their season average. Justin Field threw his first NFL passing touchdown and finished with 111 passing yards with 1 TD and 0 interceptions. RB David Montgomery was out with a knee injury, RB Khalil Herbert (75 rushing yards, 0 TD) and RB Damien Williams (64 yards, 1 TD) led Chicago's ground attack, which outrushed Las Vegas 143 to 71 yards. Keep in mind that the whole Chucky Gruden specter was hanging over the game, and one might argue that Da Raydas were not completely focused. Although they do have a Top 10 Scoring D, we have already played 3 good Defenses and the Bears will be no problem for us. For them to beat us, their Defense is going to have to score 10 or more points directly from turnovers. Secret Weapon Over the years in the rivalry the Packers have employed many weapons, some obvious, other less so. Obvious Weapons: Starr, Favre, Rodgers …. Secret Weapons: Same ole Jay, Turdbisquit, Current Bears HC Mitch Nagly… Coach has it on good authority the Bears Head Coach, Mitch Nagly will intentionally insert himself into game management and he will achieve a “Melissa McCarthy” Award. Coach, wait, what? Jimmy, it’s awarded to the Head Coach that makes the worst situational football decision of the week and costs his team a game they might have won. And now, a bit o’ history … we are going for win 102 over the Bears. This is the 203rd game of the rivalry and we are leading by a commanding score of 17.3 to 17.1! Even more important than Secret Weapon Mitch Nagly is our Erin Rodgers. He has mesmerized the Bears and terrified the entire City of Chicago. And no wonder they are afraid of Erin. We are 22-5 over his era and have won by an average score of 26-17. Getting a little more specific for this game, the Packers are 4.5-point favorites, which is a little bit more than the 2.8 pts/gm scoring differential advantage we have this year. The Over/Under is 45.5, which is more than the 40.8 the two teams have averaged on Offense this year. We will win a tight Division rivalry game by 3 points and be slightly under the 45.5. Packers 24 Bears 21 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them You’ve probably heard the name Elijah Pitts, but what do you really know about this 5-time world champion? Well, the stats say Smooth 22 was an excellent weapon out of the backfield and as a returner for Green Bay from 1961-69: • 480 rushes averaging only 3.5 yards per attempt, but scored 28 TD’s • 1,200 yards receiving, averaging a whopping 12.2 yards per catch • 5.3 yards per punt return, with 1 TD But as Coach McFleur is quick to point out, stats are for losers and we only care about wins! Well, on September 13, 1964, the Packers beat the Bears 23-12. Packers head coach Vince Lombardi shocked the entire football world by invoking an often overlooked, rarely if ever used rule to give the Packers a chance to put some additional points on the board. With just a few seconds left in the first half, and the Bears backed up near their own end zone on 4th down, they punted the ball back to the Packers. Elijah Pitts made a fair catch of the punt on the Bears 48-yard line, leaving only a tick or two remaining on the clock. Lombardi then alerted the officials that his team would be attempting a free kick into the goal post, meaning they would get to kick directly from the 48-yard line, and the Bears couldn't try to block the kick, as they had to remain 10 yards downfield before the snap. So, the Packers lined up, with quarterback Bart Starr set to hold as Paul Hornung would attempt a 52-yard "free kick" field goal. Hornung impressively made the kick, which sparked the Packers on to another victory over the suck-filled Bears.
Sadly, Elijah Pitts died in 2014 at the too-young age of 60 from intestinal cancer. But, nice job catching that ball, Elijah, and this week we posthumously salute you as a Packers great! Your son Ron was pretty good, too. Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: the Bengals are just an 80’s girl band… Who are the Bengals? First off, they’re a team that has never won the Super Bowl; see also, 11 other teams (more than 1/3 of the League!), most notably the Vikings, the Lions, the Cardinals, and the Browns (teams we’ll play this year). Oh yeah, counting preseason, the Texans and Bills have never won it either. So, stated succinctly, they are losers. To some extent, it is because they lack identiyy -- much like the 3 homely broads in the band. Admit it, you only recognized the lead singer. In fact, she’s probably the one you looked for first. …probably the only one you looked for at all! The other 3 look like they might be one of those gender confused fellas you’re supposed to care so much about at work Monday morning even though the Sunday morning homily lingering in your ear keeps reminding you that he or she is slapping God in the face. Women band members with large facial bones and man hands are forgettable (see also, the Bengals roster). Here’s a tip for your gameday watch party: don’t ask someone if Ocho Cinco is playing. PPS, you won’t impress anyone by mentioning Anthony Muñoz. PPPS, don’t start humming “Walk Like an Egyptian” or “Manic Monday.” It’s an early kickoff. Whenever the Packers play at noon, there’s an 83.3% chance the other team is an NFL shitstorm. See also, math. The Bengals had zero Pro Bowlers last year, and finished 2-10-1. They sucked last year, and this year won’t be much better. But there is hope – after all, they are 3-1, and the chick on the left is hot. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Did we play a game this week? Oh yeah, and Coach said last week “Book it Danno … Pack by 14”. And in the wudda, cudda, shudda category we could have easily won by more … or we could have lost. The entire game really was won (or cudda been lost) in the 2nd Qtr. So let’s do a little compare and contrast, shall we? Oh boy, our Defense sucks! It could hardly be more demoralizing when on the opening drive Big Ben drove the Stillers right down the field a 7-0 lead. The Stillers ran left, they ran right and right up the gut. We had no answers on the opening drive, which culminated in Jaire getting beaten for the TD. Yay – we dominated! The player of the game was Randall Cobb. Ole’ Randall looked like a Spring Chicken all day! Right after the Stillers scored, Cobber tied the game at 7-7. Oh – we got lucky! Special Teams are a new adventure each week. The field goal that blocked just before the end of the Half would have made it 17-14 Pittsburg (and the offsides call was bogus, but Erin was tripped by AJ Watt, preventing a TD, on the other FG drive … so call the BAD REF’g even) Oh boy, our Defense is Top 5! After tying the game at 7-7, Kingsley Keke had a forced fumble which Kenny Clark recovered. If we can play like this on a regular basis we will have a real shot. Oh – we got lucky! Oh boy, the Stillers had guys running wide open in the secondary all day long. Fortunately for us Ben Nothingburger is no longer a very good QB. Bottom line? We proved, again, that Pete Rozelle is getting what he wanted. Former NFL Commish Pete Rozelle wanted parity across the NFL and he achieved it … about 26 teams are mediocre, 3 are really bad and 3 are really good. He was all about participation trophies and people actually believing their shitty teams had a chance to win. We may be a shitty team, but Coach doesn’t care, we’ll take the win against a franchise that has kicked our ass for a long time now. We may be 20-16-0 all time against the Stillers; but coming into this game we were 0-5 over the last 5 Regular Season games. That’s awful Coach, when was our last Regular Season Win against the Stealers? The last game of the 1995 Season, Christmas Eve, and it launched us to our first division title since 1972. With the 24-19 win over the Stillers, the Pack finished 11-5 and crushed the Lions for the NFC Central crown and earned a date with the Atlanta Falcons at Lambeau Field in the playoffs one week later. "Merry Christmas to Green Bay," Steelers wide receiver Yancey Thigpen said in the aftermath of the play that made him a household name in Wisconsin. "That's my present." Coach was at that game and remembers well the euphoria of finally getting the NFC Central. He also remembers it was the last time he had cans of Old Style stacked vertically and duct-taped to each leg for easy carry into the stadium, and he remembers that he and his brother-in-law didn’t make it to his In-Laws for Christmas until noon the next day, but is less clear on the details of the post-game celebration. Bad Santa, bad boy Santa… … more interesting than Yancy are the orange circles in the picture above. The early nineties saw the rise of “NFL Gear” throughout the land. However, in Green Bay, cold weather meant one thing only … deers huntin’. And for deers huntin’, you needed warm, expensive, blaze orange clothing so no one was gonna waste a lot of dough on the three or four cold weather home games (remember M’waukee had tree games in doze days). The improvement of the Packers in the early 90’s led to more-and-more fans buying and wearing “Packer Stuff” at cold weather games. By ’95 you could still see plenty of blaze orange at cold-weather-home-games, but it was definitely on the way out. By the time the Pack wion SB XXXI, home games were a sea of Green & Gold only, and the folks were crazy for anything in Packer colors. So much so that the Packers raised a ton of cash by literally selling the grass from Lambeau Field (after it was torn up in the 1996 Divisional Rnd Playoff win over the Niners). And now you know a lot more than you did 60 seconds ago. Where were we? Oh, yeah …. 3-1 Tree-en-one was a popular prediction before the Season, but the most folks predicted the loss would be to the Stillers or the Niners, not Nawlin’s. So are we happy? You bet Jimmy. It may not be obvious to you, but 3-1 is actually much better than 1-3. And probably the thing that makes Coach the happiest is that we are 3-1, even with a bunch of injuries piling up. Go ask Hoody or TB12 if they care about “winning” the Regular Season. The Regular Season is about forming a team and testing depth. The 2010 Pack was only 10-6, but they played better and better throughout the Season, all while piling up a record number of guys on Season-Ending-Injured-Reserve. The punch line for Coach is that the statistics of injuries have finally caught up with us (we were the least injured Team in 2019 and 2020), yet we are winning games. One big (positive) change that came out of Covid is that you can bring guys back from IR after three weeks. Our IR has seven guys on it … all of whom were real contributors. Once healed they all can come back … if they can beat out the player that replaced them. Other Good Stuff You Should Know You know it’s funny, we get to 3-1 on the Season and Erin Rodgers is playing OK and we’re all focused on the Super Bowl, but the whole Erin Rodgers thing gets confusing doesn’t it? One of Coach’s friends actually had the temerity to ask if “everything is all forgotten now and if we love Erin again”. This line of dangerous thought prompted Coach to reach out to Erin and re-assess the situation. After an extensive interview with Erin, Coach concludes that nothing has changed. He is still one of the best throwers-of-the-football ever, but his cranium remains encased in a cavity where the sun-don’t-shine. He is a petulant, self-absorbed-sphincter, but he is our petulant, self-absorbed-sphincter and is our best shot at a Lombardi trophy for 2021, so we will… …cheer his every accomplishment this year, and …cheer even louder when we trade him for a barrel full of draft picks after the Season. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Brown Stripped of Championship Ring St. Petersburg, FL—Super Bowl LV champion Antonio Brown was stripped of his championship ring Thursday after several of the athlete’s pro-USA comments were circulated online. A spokesman for the National Football League said there’s no place for that type of vulgar language in sports today. “The NFL is now woke and stands behind ridiculous platforms that are pretty much the opposite of what the United States of America actually stands for,” the spokesman said in a prepared statement. “We have enacted a strict no-patriotism policy for the 2021 season which all players and coaches are required to uphold.” Brown was already suspended for the 2nd pre-season game for failing to kneel during the playing of the national anthem the week prior. “Since his pro-USA comments were his second offense this year, we had no choice but to strip him of his Super Bowl ring,” the spokesman said. Brown’s controversial comments were recently distributed from a prior interview with a local news affiliate following the awarding of the Championship rings to Tampa Bay Buccaneers players during training camp. “I love the US,” he asserted. “I freaking love living here. I love it and I’m so happy I get to be in the USA!” For his part, Brown says he was caught up in the moment and didn’t realize what he was saying. “I got excited and lost my head for a minute,” he said in a prepared apology as a laser dot danced around on his forehead. “As a black man and a guy that young people look up to, the last thing I ever wanted to do was give the impression that I’m proud to be an American.” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof CHICAGO—Big play running backs like Walter Payton and Gale Sayers come to mind when thinking about greatness in Chicago, as do hard-hitting linebackers such as Dick Butkus, Mike Singletary and Brian Urlacher. Coaching legends George Halas and Mike Ditka will forever be icons in a city that seems to identify with football as much as it does murders. Yet, Chicago was nowhere to be found among the upper echelon of football towns when WalletHub released its list of best football cities. In fact, Chicago didn’t even rank in the top-10 as it slotted 18th in the 245 eligible cities that had at least one professional or major college football team. Unfortunately for Chicago, the rankings are based on team performance, costs and fan engagement. And while the Bears are one of the most visible franchises in football, the team hasn’t had more than a winning season two since it lost the Super Bowl in 2006. What really dinged the Bears here was their rank in costs and fan engagement, which rated 198th. Ouch. Other harmful factors include the Bears being fifth-highest in average ticket cost, Soldiers Field’s ranking as the second least accessible stadium in the NFL, and the No. 27 rating as the least friendly and engaged NFL fans. Not surprisingly, Green Bay, Wis., was named WalletHub’s best football city in America. Just more proof that Illinois is Wisconsin’s scrotum, and the Bears still suck. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Coach Chryst Annoyed He Only Got $5.89 For Selling 2020 Playbook Back To University Bookstore Madison, WI—Staring down at the five-dollar bill in frustration before stuffing it into his wallet, Wisconsin football coach Paul Chryst confirmed Friday that he was annoyed after only getting $5.89 from University Bookstore for selling back his 2021 playbook. “This is bullshit, that thing was worth like $350, and I barely used it. What a fucking rip-off,” said Chryst, who complained that the playbook had been explicitly pushed as mandatory for coaching the Badger football program this year even though older used ones are available online, and even though OC Joe Rudolf never read it. “A couple of pages were a little dog-eared, but that thing was basically in mint condition. And it was pretty much the same playbook they made me buy last year with a few more run-pass options. It’s all just a fucking scam to make money.” At press time, Chryst was trying to buy a gyro at the Union but was 50 cents short. This news comes on the heels of the Badger’s uninspiring loss to Michigan. Hats off to the Wolverines for showing up to play. From the lackadaisical amble through the entry tunnel to the stoic, Chryst-like stupor during Jump Around, it was obvious that the Badgers were not ready and did not have their head in the game. The Wolverines on the other hand looked fired up, swarmed our inept and porous O-line, and showed off during Jump Around. Camp Randall was definitely a House of Pain on Saturday. Sure, Bucky was only down 3 points early in the 3rd quarter when Butter Fingers Mertz went out and his top target, TE Ferguson also went down with a similar chest injury. However, from this reporter’s vantage point from Section EE, the Badgers just didn’t have it in them. As it was, Bucky finished with an anemic 43 yards rushing and the QB’s were running for their lives. The badass OL of top recruits we have come to take for granted is not part of the 2021 squad. So, with that debacle behind, there was only one answer for Badger fans: Now Bucky heads to Champaign to take on the Fighting ILL for their hoe-coming. For the 5th straight game, the Badgers are favored, this time by 10. Illinois Memorials Stadiums should be hopping. They sell beer inside the stadium and kickoff is at 2:30. Many underclassmen should be at the peak of their hair-of-the-dog buzz following an early-morning closing a local tap with new head coach Brett Bielema (yes, the former Bucky HC). Sources in Madison tell us that when Bielema was head coach of Wisconsin, he would often party with the players in local bars after the games. Our sources also tell us that Ron Dayne was one of Bielema’s favorite players to ‘drink under the table’. Reportedly, Dayne’s poor bowl performances were due to being hungover after partying with Bielema and several hookers the night before those games. Now Bielema has his former Arkansas QB Cole Kelley in Champaign (literally, and literally) … recently, Kelley was arrested for suspicion of DWI and careless driving. Kelley says that he and coach Bielema wanted to see who could drink a 40-ounce Mad Dog 20/20 the fastest. Kelley went on to say that he was able to drink 4 of the tasty malt beverages in less than 45 seconds after Bielema showed him the ‘secret’ to keeping his throat open. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game As you, the discerning reader know, the NFC North played the AFC North in 2017 and in 2013 (every 4 years). AR played in both Seasons against the Bungles, but ironically, missed the Stealers both of those years (please recall Erin had owies in his collar bones and had to sit out most of those two Seasons. As we go into this game, the 2013 Game looks like a good comp. Both teams were 1-1 in 2013 and both teams are 3-1 in 2021. Do we pass the eye-test as we round the 4/17th’s Pole of the 2021 NFL Season? There are a number of lessons that can be gleaned from that game. Lesson 1 – don’t fumble Lesson 2 – fire Mike McCarthy In a classic dumbass move, with 4:01 left in the fourth quarter, McCarthy decided to run the ball on 4th-and-1 to preserve what was then a 30-27 lead. But rookie back Johnathan Franklin fumbled, and Bengals cornerback Terence Newman returned it 58 yards for the game-deciding touchdown. “You definitely think you would win the game, no doubt," cornerback Tramon Williams said of the Bengals' four-turnover first half, when Cincinnati blew a 14-point lead to go down, 16-14 at halftime. "When you’re around the game long enough, you see stuff like that happen. It’s crazy. It unfolded the way we didn’t want it to.” The shame of it was that the fumble overshadowed a 13-carry, 103-yard day in Franklin’s first taste of NFL action. He was a very promising rookie, but suffered a severe neck injury in Week 12 against the Vikings and his career was kaput. Both the Green Bay Packers and Cincinnati Bengals turned the ball over four times that day … the lesson for this week? Don’t turn over the ball. OK so why we gonna win? Offense – Advantage Pack The Bungals offense is a bit banged up and they aren’t at the Packers’ level yet, even with their new hot shot QB, Ken Anderson. Defense – Advantage Bungals Well, this is probably true with about 31 other teams until we fire DC BeriBeri and while Jaire Alexander is out. The Bungals are a stout group that doesn’t give up a ton of yards or points and can also get to the quarterback. They are going to make things harder for Matt LaFleur and the Green Bay offense. (Doesn’t “stout group” always make you giggle?) Special Teams – Advantage Who Knows? WE have better kickers, but we can’t cover punts or kicks. In summary, - We won’t turnover the ball - Our Offense, with our Self-Absorbed-Sphincter, is just way better than anyone else … and, last-but-not-least. - Our roster is better than their roster. Yes, we’ve had a ton of injuries, but that hasn’t stopped Gutey for making a ton of improvements. Don’t believe that? Well, this week the Packers sent Coach a personal invitation to the Pro Shop. In a true LOL moment, it was obvious the Pro Shop pricing is reflective of Gutey’s current and future plans (I'm just glad you and I are considered indispensable to this organization)... The Packers are favored by 3 points and the Over/Under is now up to 50.5. We will win, and be slightly “over”, but in a “too-close-for-comfort” squeaker, we will finish the job started in 2013 and not give up the late TD: Packers 27 Bungles 24 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them SinSinNaughty,OH—Former Packers Defensive Tackle Urban Henry, and current consultant emeritus to the Jacksonville Jagwires, was the subject of Twitter and TicToc videos this past week. In case you don’t remember Urban, he was an All-State football player at Morgan City High School before playing collegiately at Georgia Tech. After getting his degree in Forestry, he was drafted by the LA Rams in 1958, then grabbed a cup of coffee with a couple Canadian teams before the remarkably strong, 6’-4” 265-lb D-lineman ended up playing for Coach Lombardi in 1963. Later, after retiring from the NFL, he may or may not have coached a couple of college teams to national championships. But back to present day… The ex-Packer got into hot water when he excused himself from the 0-4 Jaguars flight home Thursday night after a loss to the Bengals in order to “spend time in Cincinnati with his grandchildren.” However, Urban was spotted at a bar the following night appearing to cavort with a number of younger women and, in particular, Dutch door finger-banging a college co-ed, presumably as a callisthenic warmup, before grinding her behind. The good news(?) is that Coach confirmed it was not his granddaughter. What’s next for Urban is unclear, but it likely will entail overt attempts to appease his cash-hungry wife and perhaps several insincere apologies to players and fans in the Sunshine State. We shall see. Regardless, I think it’s safe to say the Jags are officially on the clock.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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