Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Jerseys should be worn with a certain decorum As a man, I have conscious pause when putting on a NFL jersey bearing another man's name. It doesn't feel quite right, and I don't want people to think I wanna be somebody I'm not (not that I give a shit what other people think of me, but you know what I mean). There are some jerseys that I love to wear because the namesake was a great player that I encourage other people to remember (Nitschke, Butler, Starr, McNally, etc.). Few things scream “I am a loser!”, though, like fans wearing jerseys that they should not. In case you need help determining if you are a loser, there are some rules of thumb to go by…
Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme We are 7-1 and the 31-24 win was dang close to Coach’s score prediction of 35-14 mimicking Super Bowl I. Yeah, the points scored was close…even if the D didn’t show up as expected. Coach celebrated by flying his souvenir jetpack around in the basement. FWIW, a helmet is highly recommended. The game Sunday night was fun, and the Offense keeps getting better and better! After the Pack went up 14-0 in the 1st, it seemed like game over. And, when an over-throw turns into a score-of-the-year to Williams, you know A-Rod is back in the MVP discussion. Oh yeah, in addition to Williams there’s another guy called Aaron Jones who is the perfect running back for Petite Fleur’s new offense. He carried the ball 13 times for 67 yards (5.2/carry) and he also caught seven passes for 159 yards and two touchdowns, including a 67-yard touchdown. As big a high as the 1st Qtr was, the 2nd Qtr was a heart sinker and the ESPN “win predictor” was a pretty accurate indicator of the eye-test on the game. For all the ups and downs in the game, Coach is the most excited about the green stuff at the end of this graph… …up 31-24 we took over at our own 2 with 5:04 left on the clock, after a dynamic KC punt. In previous years this would be a formula for a loss (for sure with McCarthy dizzying around on the sidelines), but we ran seven times and passed once for 38 yards and three 1st downs to end the game. Coach is getting on-board with Petite Fleur as a real coach, this was fantastic!! And, that continues to put us in 3rd Place in the NFC Playoff Seeding and the overall record is off-the-charts-good compared to preseason predictions… If Coach told you before the season that we would be 7-1 and Mr. D. Adams would have 0.0 touchdowns, wud’ja believed it?? As exciting as the Offense is, the Defense continues to slide, and we have slipped out of the Top 10 in points-allowed (the yellow shading above). So, the Defense is bad, Coach? Yes, but not as bad as our Special Teams return statistics. On KO returns we are #30 with 17.0 yards/return. On punts, we are #32 with –1.6 yards per return…the only team in the NFL with a negative return average!?!?!?!? What’s his name, the returner, was cut this week, which shows Gutey is not sitting pat on what he has. Trust in Gutey!!! He is not blind and he will fix the return game. Assuming Gutey fixes kick-returns, the only remaining issue is the center of the Defense. We get sacks and we get turnovers and we have incorporated pop-culture into sack dances…so the first Chiefs drive of the 2nd Qtr epitomized all of our D, the good and the bad. At the beginning of that first drive in the 2nd Qtr, Z-Dayrus had a huge sack and he celebrated! Another one of these and it’s 3 and out, a punt, and the rout is on!! {Many of us were looking for our left-over Playbill’s in the closet to check the choreography….} Pennywise, pound foolish, let’s hope Z’darious stays safe from the ghoulish. Yes, the sacks make a positive difference, but Coach is still upset that we get gashed in the middle and we are now #28 in rushing defense giving up 4.8 yards per carry. A couple of plays after the Z-Dance, we faced third and one, another point where we could push them off the field and where the D-Line asserts itself and we shut them down. Unfortunately, like Coach has shown you several times, the D-Line gets blown out. Give Kenny Clark a little bit of credit, he’s double teamed, but our new over-paid-lineman and his little brother from Northwestern are blown off the line with single blocks (#94 & # 95). But the real issue for Coach is that they all play very high. Coach has shown almost every week that Lancaster is not playing low enough as a tough DL’man. Is this the way they are coached or are they just not playing with good fundamentals? Coach doesn’t f’ng know, but he does know this is fixable if Poutine gets his finger out of his clipboard. Continuing the frustration, after giving up the 1st down, one play later they gave up a TD. Blake Martinez has been getting lots of criticism for this play and maybe that is justified, maybe not. At a superficial level, this TD is Martinez’s responsibility ...and, maybe, it is. If you look closely on this play, Martinez is watching for the run. Kelce runs free in the middle, where normally a safety has responsibility. If you look even more closely, you’ll see a very confused Amos (#31) running across the formation and not paying attention to Kelce. It’s very clear that on this play player-understanding was an issue. What drives Coach completely crazy is that in the modern era of the NFL scientists can train rats how to drive cars, but DC’s can’t train players to get in the right spot. Pettine remarked recently that the tape shows most - if not all - of the explosive plays they've given up this year have been when a player, or two, erred on their assignment. It's not the fault of the scheme. It's teaching and learning. So the defense CAN better. In any event, the Packers have much more talent on D than they’ve had in many years. It’s time for that talent to make a difference, if it doesn’t, the playoffs will be one and done (#2015Packers15-1). WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Packers President Falls On Hard Times In 2011 Mark Murphy was labelled as one of the NFL’s most successful team executives, but his high-flying flamboyant lifestyle has since been replaced with a vagrant existence battling alcohol addiction. During an exclusive interview, the Packers head man claimed that he had been feeling so low, that his everyday routine was drinking an entire bottle of wine as soon as he woke up and downing a full bottle of Nyquil to help him drop off to sleep in the evenings. As a result of spending his entire fortune on booze, Murphy exhausted all of the proceeds from the sale of his mansion and now has little money left to afford a place to stay and often spends the night camped out on park benches with other vagabonds. In an emotional interview, he admitted: “At the moment, if I had something to end it all I would take it. What have I got to look forward to? I look at old pictures and I just think, ‘Mark, what are you doing?’ I hate it. I’ve tried to give it my best shot to stay sober and get back to running the best franchise in all of professional sports, but look at the state of me – I’ve got big problems with alcohol and homeless man orgies. I just don’t know if I can beat that. I hope tomorrow will be better, but I doubt it.” At press time, Murphy's exact whereabouts could not be confirmed despite rumors that he recently hooked up at a local Soup Kitchen with former colleague "Dirty Mike" McCarthy and his homeless band of street hobos. Unconfirmed sources have alleged, however, that Murphy was last seen passed out face down on a patch of grass in Sunnyvale Trailer Park with his pants pulled down to his knees, laying next to an empty beer bottle, a large jar of mustard and a dead poodle. For more on this story, click on this link. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Guess who’s in last place? Hee hee hee, ha ha ha, ho ho ho, The Bears still suck! Sunday afternoon while sitting in the woods waiting for deer to stroll by, I went to NFL.com to check out scores and discovered they were streaming the end of the Bears/Chargers game. It looked very much like the end of the recent Packers/Lions game ... the Bears were in-effect taking a knee to line up for a rudimentary 41-yard field goal to win the game as time expired. Right before the kick, TV coverage showed a replay of The Galacian Pineapple, Eddy Piñeiro, doinking an earlier kick that day off of the left upright. I figured the odds of a professional place kicker, one who had beat out 9 other specialists, missing ANOTHER run-of-the-mill field goal in perfect conditions on his home field were like a million to one … especially after what happened last year. I mean, no NFL team sucks THAT bad, right? WIDE LEFT! But wait, it gets better: there is so much more suckitude oozing from the rectum of Chicagoland... Last Tuesday evening, the NHL Chicago Blackhawks hosted the Vegas Golden Knights. During the game, the PA announcer interviewed a young kid in attendance. The questions were primarily Blackhawks related, until the announcer asked the boy who he was going to be for Halloween. "A football player." The young boy replied. "Which player?" asked the announcer. “Mitch Trubisky.” What followed was a cascade of boos from over 21,000 fans, loudly disagreeing with the young fan’s choice. Unfortunately for Trubisky, this wasn’t the first bad reception he’s received at the United Center, as he was booed shortly after the Bears selected him with the 2nd overall pick in the 2017 NFL Draft at a Chicago Bulls game. You know the Bears suck when Chicago fans are booing a child for simply mentioning the quarterback’s name at a separate sporting event. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Ohio State Setback ‘Tis But A Scratch’ on Badgers 2019 Journey to Indy Rematch Message to Iowa, Purdue, Nebraska and Minnesota—“None shall pass” (Click On Link). We got this. We just have a few things to clean up between now and the rematch with Ohio State while we run the table for our remaining conference games:
We all were hoping that this Badger team would be for real. They are for real. They just are not as good of a football team as those guys in Columbus. That Urban Meyer guy can really recruit. The Alabama level academic standards at tOSU do no hurt in this regard either. As we say our kudos to the actual Ohio State players on the field, we are unsurprised at the “classy” behavior of the Bucknut fans. Here at BU, we can forgive the Illinois fans for playing Jump Around after their totally unexpected upset win. They actually executed it pretty well. The unimaginative Buckeye fans copied it after demolishing the Badgers, playing Jump Around in a lame ass fashion. To the Whoreshoe PA guy, we thank you for this because Bucky now has ready locker room wall material to stoke up on for the re-match in Indy. Jake Ferguson summed it up well. “Coming into somewhere else and having them play it definitely stings a little bit. I think a lot of our guys are looking forward to playing these guys again.” At least we have a little break to recuperate from a hellish two weeks. The Badger Underground staff uncovered some things various Badgers are doing during the bye week while remaining off the police blotter.
We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Oh man, finally we’re coming to the end of our swing thru the AFL West… next up: Da Bolts! The Chargers are the only team in the AFL/AFC that the Packers have never faced in a championship game and given the current NFL scheduling formula we only go there every 8 years (as with all AFC teams). They are not close geographically, we don’t play them often, and we always beat them (more below). What’s not to like? Let’s finish off the 2019-AFL-Tour with a little bit’o fun. Quick, Timmy, answer this question: Which Charger quarterback bounced back from a dismal 2003-04 season, winning the Comeback Player of the Year Award, throwing 27 touchdowns to seven interceptions, and landing himself a spot in the 2005 NFL Pro Bowl? For the answer to this question and dozens more that Packer fans don’t care about….click here The L.A. Chargers first game ever was against the Dallas Texans (now KC Chiefs) on September 10, 1960 at their home stadium, the 100,000 seat L.A. Coliseum. The program cover from that first game is kinda confusing at first glance…and very disturbing after letting it sink in…the reader is left to fill in the hole on this one. During the 60’s, the Packers and the Chargers were the teams to beat in the NFL and AFL respectively, with the Bolts playing in the AFL Championship five times (1 win). Their first QB was the very talented Jack Kemp who had bounced around the NFL and CFL before signing as a free agent with the Chargers for their inaugural season. Kemp went on to be a star with the Buffalo Bills and played professional football for 13 years before going on to serve 18 years in the U.S. Congress. He also served as HUD Secretary and had a failed attempt at running for U.S. Vice President with Bob Dole as the 1996 GOP ticket headliner. Kemp said: “Pro football gave me a good perspective. When I entered the political arena, I had already been booed, cheered, cut, sold, traded, and hung in effigy.” But politics is for suckers… back to football. It was a really new and creative offense, throwing to a running back last week(?). Coach always gets a kick out of all the talk about the “new” NFL. Give Petite Fleur credit for creative packaging and misdirection, but let’s give the AFL a little love for the creativity. After digging deep into the archives, Coach made that short clip of Jack Kemp (#15) running a play-action fake to FB Howie Ferguson and then hitting Halfback Paul Lowe for the TD, looking a lot like Aaron to Aaron last weekend. But all was not rosy for the Chargers in L.A. Here’s a pic of Kemp running in for a TD at the Coliseum 60 seasons ago (he’s still #3 on the all-time QB Rushing TD list with 40). The TD is nice…but have a look at the stands, this pic is from an actual AFL game. Perhaps former Chargers’ center Don Rogers said it best... “It was pretty obvious that we weren’t making any headway in LA. Every time we’d come out on the field we’d say, ‘They’ve stayed away by the thousands.’” The Chargers moved to San Diego for the 1961 season and the rest is history. Predictions are much the same regarding a lack of L.A. fans for this weekend, with additional commentary that Packers fans will fill roughly 3/4 of the 30,000 seats at Dignity Health Sports Park (a soccer field, which is a sport that the people out there have much more of a proclivity towards … just sayin). This stadium has also hosted the first three editions of the USA Sevens, an annual international rugby competition with 7 players as opposed to the larger format Elevens. The stadium has also hosted all United States Rugby National Team matches for the Pacific Nations Cup since 2013…AND…they have a velodrome. What? Huh? The velodrome at “Dignity Field”? They are now offering “Meditation Retreats” during home games, probably because no one else is there to bother you. Native Los Angelinos don’t care about pro football; the Chargers, the Rams, the Raiders, the Rams again, and the Chargers again, have all proven that. Get the Bolts outta there and move’m to Mexico City… OK so the 2019 Bolts are 3-5 with wins over the Colts, Fins and Cubs. Not exactly murderers’ row, especially when you look at who they lost to, and they sit at “0” point differential for the year…perfect mediocrity. The Bolts have climbed to #10 in Def-Points-Allowed at 19.6 and do have a decent D featuring Joey Bosa. Their Offense is pedestrian, led by Philip Rivers and a trio of running backs averaging 3.5 yards per game and they are #23 overall in scoring. The Packers lead the series 10-1 all time, and they have usually been high scoring games with the Pack averaging a 31-17 win. This is also the 3rd time that the Bolts and Pack have played with Rivers & Rodgers at QB. No defensive slugfests these, with an average score of 34-27 Packers. Summary, we are better, but watch out, this is a classic trap game. Ahhh….f’that, this will be a Packers home game at “Lambeau West”, the Packers Offense continues to roll and the D maintains… Packers 35 Bolts 20 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them This week we visit the way-back machine to honor a local-kid-done-good from Oshkosh, a 2-way player who clearly struggles with phonetic spelling that the Packers selected early in the 3rd round of the 1952 draft out of the University of Wisconsin, Deral “Little Bull” Teteak. As a Badger, Deral was a member of the famed “Hardrocks” unit that led the nation in defense in 1951. Teteak then became a hard-nosed Packers offensive guard AND linebacker in the 1950’s – often playing middle linebacker despite being just 5’-10’ and 210 pounds. He was named one of the most outstanding rookies in the league in 1952 and named to the Pro-Bowl in just his second season. Teteak played for the Packers through 1956, and was the last Packers player other than Ray Nitschke to wear number 66. After his playing career, Teteak went back to UW-Madison as an assistant, coaching on the Rose Bowl Badgers teams of 1960 and 1963. Not too shabby. Deral’s younger brother Dick, also a guard, also played for Wisconsin, and was also drafted by the Packers (in the 15th round of the 1959 draft), but alas he did not end up making Lombardi’s inaugural Packers roster. Dick immediately took a shining to coaching and later became the head football coach at Beloit College, compiling an abysmal record of 3-23. He then became the baseball coach at Beloit, leading the scrappy group of underdogs to an equally abysmal 8-29 record. It’s safe to say that big brother Deral had shoes that little Dick could never fill. So Deral Teteak, we salute you as a local football hero that had great success on big stages, and we mock your underachieving brother as a boob that perpetually fell short of every professional objective he ever had. Congratulations.
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Stadiums should have meaningful football names Green Bay Packers at Kansas City Chiefs. It’s what makes the NFL great. Not just because these are the two teams that represented their leagues in the very first Super Bowl, but because they are organizations that care slightly more about football than the money their owners make. Look no farther than the names of the venues these teams play in: Lambeau Field, and Arrowhead Stadium. Awesome. Sadly, there are only a few good football names left for NFL stadiums. The aforementioned ones for the Packers and Chiefs, Soldier Field in Chicago (owned by the city’s parks department), and Paul Brown stadium in Cincinnati. It is also worth noting that all four of these stadiums are outside venues, which Coach believes yields a superior product to the professional football fan. But that is a topic for another day, perhaps. Climate change aside, here are the stadiums that severely detract from the NFL experience…
Hey, I get it, someone’s got to pay the bills. In Green Bay and Kansas City, that burden falls primarily onto the fans. It works, though, because these stadiums are always sold out. That said, however, there is an inherent problem inasmuch as ticket prices need to increase at the rate of players’ salary increases, which is greater than the rate of yearly family income increases in these sparsely populated metropolitan areas. To be honest, I am not really all that against a stadium sponsor. Miller Park, for example, made a lot of sense for the BREWERS because Miller beer is made in Milwaukee. Let’s just hope they never change from that name to an obnoxious sell out name like for some lame insurance company! But I think we’re pretty safe there, right? Coach did some math, and by my calculations, with a meager $5 million donation to the Green Bay Packers, “Lambeau Field presented by Under Armour” would save me about $10 per ticket. For a franchise as frequently put on the national stage as the Packers, I believe a 4-year $100 million naming right should be near market value. That would save me roughly $50 for each regular season game ticket (and I would promise to reduce my frequency of screaming “Fire Murphy!” …not totally eliminate it, though. Hey, we’re negotiating here…). So, who should we recruit? Ideally, it would be a local business, and maybe something related to Packers. Under Armour is not local, and the ACME Meat Packing Company is no longer in business, so I went through the Chamber of Commerce brochure and found a few other local businesses for consideration... Coach never wants to see “Cellcom Stadium” hoisted above the name of the Green Bay Packers, but “Lambeau Field presented by Leinenkugal’s” would be a reasonable compromise to keep ticket prices in check. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Rodgers Clearly Washed Up….
Oakland played decent run defense, holding the Pack to 2.6 yds/carry on 23 carries. Pass defense was another story! They got minimal pressure on Rodgers while primarily “playing coverage” and rushing only 3 or 4 and Rodgers tore them apart to the tune of a perfect passer rating. Coach can never remember a game like this, because, well, there never was a Packer game like this. Rodgers' 400 passing yards, five passing touchdowns and one rushing touchdown has occured only two other times in league history: Rams quarterback Norm Van Brocklin (1951) and Redskins quarterback Mark Rypien (1991). Packer fans know that the Lambeau Leap was conceived by safety LeRoy Butler after scoring a defensive TD against the L.A. Raiders on December 26, 1993 (Reggie White recovered a fumble and lateraled to LeRoy). Coach was a little bit disappointed that not all of the TD’s against the Raiders were punctuated with by Lambeau Leaps and a nod to LeRoy and the ’93 Raiders game (yes, Coach is talking to you A-Rod). But hey, the whole day was a ton of fun anyway! The Offense continues to get better game after game as you can see in the graph below. It will be tough to match the 34.1 point/game season average of the 2011 Packers who went 15-1, but we are on the right track fer shure. So Coach, what changed this week? Well for starters we didn’t drop passes, so the drives stayed alive, AND, in a shock of all shockers, Jimmy Graham had his first good game of his 23-game tenure in Green Bay (4 catches, 63 yards and a TD). Can it keep going? Let’s hope so. Coach also predicted a Super Bowl II repeat score of 33-14. While the 42-24, 18-point beatdown wasn’t exactly the same, the game was truly a blowout after the first few minutes of the 3rd Quarter. While the Packers offense was great, the whole game really turned on one play… With the Packers up 14-10, a minute and 55 seconds left in the half, Derek Carr scrambled around right end. Proving an age-old adage, the slightly endowed Carr does not have big enough hands to hold a football with one hand. As a result, Carr fumbled the ball into the EZ which gave the Packers the ball at their 20 with 1:49 left in the 1st Half. Six plays later the Packers were at the Oakland 37 with 12 seconds left in the half. Time for one more play before Crosby kicks a FG to end the half…right? Hah! No. A-Rod to Kumerow put the Pack up 21-10. The Pack received the 2nd Half kick-off and turned that into a 5-play, 78-yard, drive to go up 28-10. In 4:33 of game time, Packers went from potentially being down 17-14 to being up 28-10 … game over … it was officially garbage time after that. However, not all was bright and shiny… …the punt and kickoff return game has been awful all year and it looks like Shepherd is a bust back there. We are not playing at playoff level. …speaking of not playing at a playoff level, the Defense really did not inspire confidence as Oakland ran up and down the field all day on the Pack (5yds/carry for 115 yards) and their TE’s were unstoppable (11 catches, 172 yards), for a total yardage that was greater than the Pack. We are now giving up 381 yards per game and rank 26th in the NFL. For those keeping score at home, this is not good. It also is eerily similar to 2011. Just sayin. So, Coach, all-is-lost and we didn’t really win? Well no Johnny, there is hope after all. The two turnovers we got and only 3 penalties kept us in the game – and, we actually rank 4th in turnover differential per game at 0.9. Getting the ball more than the other guys keeps them from scoring points and it helps us score more points. That is a good thing. To put this in a bit more perspective, Coach has compiled stats from the last 30 Super Bowl winners. The chart above looks at Defensive Points Allowed, Offensive Points Scored and Point Differential over the course of the Regular Season for each of the 30 SB winners. The important rows are the blue one (90% cutoff) and the green one (2019 Packers through Wk 7). The good news is that after 7 weeks we are just at the 90% cutoff on Defense and Point Differential and the Offense has a bit more cushion. What does this mean? Well nothing really, other than we are legitimately in the SB contender discussion, but the Defense is just on the cusp of dropping out…. The biggest problem is that the Defense is weak up the middle, some of that is due to the scheme, some of that is that nobody is doing much (besides Kenny Clark). Martinez is leading the league in tackles, but BFD when most of those are 5-7 yards downfield. But there are signs for hope!! On the last play of the 3rd Qtr, with the Raiders at the GB 36, they had a 1st down and were making good yards on every play. Raiders rookie Josh Jacobs goes around left for no gain. No. 97, Kenny Clark, is credited with the tackle, but the play is really made by Za’darius Smith and Montravius Adams. Smith holds the edge and turns the play back inside and Adams holds up LG Richie Incognito. If we start to play like this against the run, we can be pretty good. Unfortunately, seven plays later we have to defend 4th and Goal at the one-yard line…TD for sure, right?. But wait!! Josh Jacobs dives for the goal line and Jaire Alexander (23) crashes down to start him spinning… …and mystery man BJ Goodson arrives to pop him and wind the calendar back a week or so for Mr. Jacobs. That was a fantastic old school goal line stand…Coach loves it!! Backed up in the shadow of the South End Zone goal posts, the Pack didn’t do anything and punted the ball away. Oakland immediately started driving and had a huge 36-yard pass play to Marcell Ateman. This catch was the rookie’s first as a pro…tell me, which guy looks like he really wants the ball. Hint, it’s not “shoulders” Kevin King. Thank goodness King has the proverbial “short memory”, on the very next play he snuffs out another drive. And just for fun, Coach thought you might like to see Gruden in his press conference after the game. You don’t really need to hear the audio to know that he is complaining about the officials. “If you can’t win, entertain them” is Coach Chucky’s motto. But who can blame him? He’s the one with a $100 million, 10-year contract. Tell me again who the smart one is? The Defense is driving Coach crazy, but two turnovers in the end zone and a successful goal line stand are really, really impressive. Here’s Coach saying that the D will get better from this point forward, we are a play-off team and a legitimate SB Contender. It’s science. ... Go Pack Go … WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up TV Announcer Just Going To Go Ahead And Count Stray Cats In Detroit Attendance Figure DETROIT—With both teams posting only 4 wins combined so far this year, the home team Lions are not expecting many fans to show up for the 1pm EDT game this Sunday against the New York Giants. In a preemptive move for the NFL to save face, the Fox TV announcer calling the game, Kevin Burkhardt, has agreed to make as positive of a spin “as possible” during the matchup at Ford Field. Although the season has already reached its half-way point, both teams will be battling to see which squad can reach 3 wins first. The Giants are actually on an upswing since replacing 2019-winless 2-time Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning with rookie QB Daniel Jones. On the other hand, the Lions appear to be on schedule for their annual mid-season implosion, which began at Lambeau field mid-way through the 2nd quarter a week ago Monday, and will likely continue until their annual Thanksgiving upset. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof The Bears haven’t won a game in 3 weeks. It must have been embarrassing getting blown out by the hardknocks Raiders in London, and then having to stew on that loss over their bye week. But at least they got rested up and got to start out with a home game … which they LOST! Each conference puts 6 teams in their playoff tournament. Right now, of the 16 teams in the NFC, the Bears are either in 9th or 10th position, depending upon how the Cardinals’ tie will factor in at the end. That’s right, the CARDINALS. …BTW, the Cardinals starting quarterback Kyler Murray is a rookie, and he is the 14th ranked QB so far this year. Not bad. Aaron Rodgers is ranked 4th, but that is not really all that surprising for the sure-thing 1st ballot HOF’er. Russell Wilson is ranked #1, and obviously having an amazing year. Can you guess the quarterbacks who are ranked #2 and #3? Here’s a hint … “the Bears suck.” That’s right, the #2 and #3 quarterbacks this year are the QB’s drafted right AFTER the Bears moved up from the 3-spot to the 2-spot in the 2017 draft to take Mitchell Trubisky: Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson! And where is our favorite Turdbiscut sitting on this NFL list? Comfortably at #28, right behind Andy Dalton (27) of the 0-7 Bengals and right before Ryan Tannehill (29) of the AFC South bottom dwelling Titans. Just in case you’re wondering, here are some other noteworthy quarterbacks ranked ahead of Mitchell Trubisky this year: Giants rookie Daniel Jones (25), Panthers backup Kyle Allen (Who? … IDK, but he’s 22!), the Colts’ Jacoby Brissett (16) as proxy for surprise retiree Andrew Luck, and Uncle Rico look-alike Gardner Minshew (17) of the Jacksonville Jaguars. It appears the Bears will again be drafting a quarterback in the 1st round next year. Probably again in the top 10, and they will undoubted screw that pick up, too. It’s what they do, because they suck. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky Craps the Bed in Champaign: Ruins Playoff Hopes, Power Index Ranking, and Fox Ratings Forecast for 11 AM Kickoff vs. Ohio State. Game Flexed to Friday Night on ESPN 8, The Ocho. Blown 2-score 4th quarter leads since ‘93: Illinois 2019 LSU 2014 Michigan 2008 Michigan State 2008 Iowa 2004 (Barry’s last game at CR) Indiana 2002 Like an old man scourging “Get off my lawn!” last week we admonished Bucky to not F it up and to take care of business. Unfortunately, Bucky did F it up. The short story is JT dropped the rock and Coan threw a putrid INT. Due to silly play call and a snoozing OL we could not get a TD from 1st and goal at the 3. The D forgot how to tackle and cover in the 4th quarter. We at BU have seen our fair share of trap games. We see them coming and we know what they look like as they unfold. We watch for the signs during the coin flip, despite being declared 31-point favorites. Coaches see them coming as well and hopefully say the right things to pre-empt 17-21 year-old players from taking perceived lesser opponents lightly. History lessons might seem appropriate, but are likely to be discounted since some took place before current players were in eighth grade or before they were even born. Any reference to the South Carolina’s upset of Georgia only a week earlier apparently failed to make an impression. Let’s start first with the sugar-coated glass half-full angle. Making the playoffs would have probably meant beating Ohio State twice and let’s be honest, that’s not going to happen. All more realistic goals, including a Rose Bowl appearance, are still in front of this team. Offensively, we outgained Illinois 420-315, possessed the ball for 41 minutes, were in the red zone 7 times and were 9-for-17 on third down. Before his disastrous interception, Coan was 9-for-9 on third downs. He ended 24-for-32 for 264 yards with 1 TD and 1 int. The play of all our receivers (and Ferguson) was a real positive. Up until we had to settle for a 3rd quarter FG and 23-14 lead after having first & goal on their 3, Illinois’ offense was just ok and the game was basically won if you don't turn the ball over twice in the closing minutes. The most head-scratching calls were consecutive fullback dives on 2nd & 3rd down. No Taylor for a stretch play, misdirection or even play action. Chryst has a handful of play calls that yield easy touchdowns, but obviously didn’t want to show them and was saving them for the big matchup of top 10 undefeateds this Saturday at Columbus. Yeah, you had to kick the FG to go up 2 scores. The JT fumble was another key play that lost the game. If he holds on to the ball there, we basically kill 3 more minutes and kick a FG at worst. Even if Larsh missed, we're still probably OK. This game basically came down to red zone execution and a couple key turnovers. The bulk of the game was normal Paul Chryst don't let the inferior team beat you but let them hang around approach. WTF happened to our defense? Throughout this season and up until hitting the self-destruct button in the 4th quarter, this group was fundamentally solid and often dominating at all three levels. One dirty little secret about Leonhard’s defense is that often the corners are put on an island. One blown coverage on a double move or a missed tackle by the safety and you can beat them. Illinois also ran at Noah Burks (or away from Baun) all day long and he got absolutely toasted. He’s actually had a good year but did not play well at all Saturday. Better figure that out quickly as tOSU no doubt is going to test him. On a side note, CB Deron Harrell, and NT Keanu Benton also sat out this game. Along with starting O-lineman Erdmann, neither appeared on the injury report. Harrell started most of the games this season and is one of the team’s biggest corners. Credit Illinois with actually leveraging their athleticism on both sides of the ball. We let them hang around, they began believing in themselves and Lovie didn’t mess it up. OK let’s think about other things such as Bucky’s field trip to the Whore Shoe this Saturday to play the Bucknuts. As we are looking forward to Saturday’s tilt vs. Ohio State, you may be taking comfort that we have pulled off two wins, one tie and one late loss vs. Ohio State following devastating defeats. The first example was the 1993 Alvarez Rose Bowl team that went to Minnesota undefeated for a comparable trap game, only to see Darrell Bevell get picked five times. The following week at Camp Randall, they settled for a tie by neglecting to block Ohio State’s edge rusher on the game-winning FG attempt. A few years later, following a 1999 home loss to a Tom Brady-led Michigan team, the Badgers went into Columbus and quickly found themselves down 17-0 in the first quarter in Brooks Bollinger’s first start. They rallied for 42 un-answered points and won 42-17. Ron Dayne carved up Ohio State for 161 yards and four touchdowns. Later that season, that team yielded 525 yards passing to Purdue’s Drew Brees, but won on a Jamar Fletcher pick six. They also beat UCLA in the Rose Bowl that year. Two years later, a week after losing to Indiana 63-32, we spotted tOSU a 17-0 lead and won 20-17. This Ohio State game does not have the same feel as those other three games. The Urban Meyer era has opened up a talent disparity between them and the rest of the conference, one that didn’t exist in 1993, 1999, and so on. Their QB is the second coming of Russell Wilson, but bigger, faster & stronger. He is being mentioned as a #1 NFL draft pick. They have elite athleticism across the board, even down to the kicker, punter and water boy. Cephus might not even start for this Ohio State squad. Both RB’s are averaging 7 yards per carry. They are going to shut down our receivers and don’t need to respect our deep passing game. Don’t be surprised to see them own both sides of the line of scrimmage. It feels like Paul Chryst has only 98 cents in his pocket on dollar beer night and the condoms he bought at the gas station are too big. Our prediction (hoping to be wrong a second week in a row) is to lose 31-17. After all, the Bucknuts players don’t go to tOSU to attend class, they go there to get drafted into the NFL… We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Kan-sus-Ity, standard bearer of the American Football League, here we come! Coach, I’ve heard of the Chiefs, but where did they come from? During the 50’s the NFL started to rival MLB in popularity and the rising tide was lifting all boats, except for the Chicago Cardinals (see kids, it’s not only the Bears that still suck, it was true of the Chicago Football Cardinals as well). The Bidwell Family tried to peddle the failing franchise to Lamar Hunt, but the deal sucked (go ’figger) and while Hunt backed out, the whole effort left him with the football bug. So's Hunt and a buncha-other-guys approached NFL Commish Bert Bell about adding 12 expansion teams, which Bell quashed as too dilutive of the NFL mix. Not to be deterred, Hunt and his buncha-other-guys explored a lot of options throughout the 50’s that led to the chartering of the AFL on August 14, 1959. Memberships and bubble gum cards with were distributed to Dallas, New York, Houston, Denver, Los Angeles, and Minneapolis-Saint Paul. After a lot of squabbles and infighting among the founders of the AFL, many teams came and went before the league started play. The Minneapolis and Dallas teams never played in the AFL, they eventually withdrew from the AFL to become the NFL expansion Cowboys and Vikings. The AFL began regular season play in 1960 with eight teams in the league: • Boston Patriots (now the Hoody Patriots) • Buffalo Bills • Dallas Texans • Denver Broncos • Houston Oilers (now the Nashville Oilers) • Los Angeles Chargers (SD Chargers, now LA Chargers again) • New York Titans (now NY Jets) • Oakland Raiders (now the Oakland, LA, Oakland, Las Vegas Raiders). The Miami Fish and the Cincinnati Bungles joined the AFL in ’66 and ’68 respectively to round out the 10-Team AFL, which would merge with the NFL after the 1969 Season. In today’s NFL, the AFC East and AFC West are composed entirely of AFL Teams. During the 2019 NFL Season, the NFC Norris Division is paired with the AFL West Division, so we are playing all of those guys. In 1963 Dallas Texans owner Lamar Hunt announced that they were moving to Kansas City. Despite winning the league championship in 1962, the Texans could not sufficiently profit in the same market as the Dallas Cowboys; Kansas City mayor Harold Roe Bartle (nicknamed "Chief") was instrumental in his city's success in attracting the team. Partly to honor Bartle, the franchise officially became the Kansas City Chiefs … which begs the question, “Does that make the name less politically incorrect?” Life if too complicated these days. {Of local interest, in 1965, Milwaukee officials tried to lure an AFL expansion team to play at Milwaukee County Stadium after an unsuccessful attempt to lure the Packers there full-time. Packers head coach Vince Lombardi invoked the team's exclusive lease, and additionally, signed an extension to keep some home games in Milwaukee until 1976.} The upstart AFL had proposed a Championship game with the NFL starting in 1963 and the NFL eventually agreed. On January 15, 1967, the first-ever AFL-NFL Championship Game was played in Los Angeles (retroactively referred to as Super Bowl I). The NFL champion Packers kicked butt and overwhelmed the AFL champion Kansas City Chiefs, 35–10. The loss reinforced the proven fact that the AFL was an inferior league. So, much like last week against the Raiders, we wanna win, but the Chiefs are just another friendly, mediocre team whose ass we will kick in a manner that will evoke mild sympathy with a hint of disdain and indifference amongst Packer fans. Like many teams, the Chiefs honor their traditions as much as possible. When the Head Coaching position opened-up a few years ago, the Chiefs asked their official greeter, Norman Bidwell, to lead the Search Committee. Norm was able to save the team a few bucks by recommending his cousin, Andy Reid. Andy follows in the storied tradition of Melissa McCarthy’s mentor, Marty Schottenheimer. Marty, Melissa and Andy all have admirable Regular Season records… …and then flame out in the playoffs. (Melissa McCarthy was on Marty’s staff and regularly referred to him as a model for coaching success.) Nothing breeds mediocrity like a good stay in Kansas City. After Super Bowl I, Vince Lombardi said "I do not think Kansas City is as good as the top teams in the National Football League." Vince’s assessment remains true today, as KC is 1-8 in their last 9 home playoff games. To get a little bit more insight on this weekend’s game, Coach asked Bobby Boucher to comment. Super Bowl I, Pack vs. Chiefs, seemed a lot like last weekend against the Raiders. The Pack went into Halftime up 14-10 and weren’t dominating on D. On their first drive of the second half the Chiefs advanced to their own 49-yard line, but on third-down a heavy blitz by linebackers Dave Robinson and Lee Roy Caffey collapsed the pocket. Robinson, tackle Henry Jordan, and Packer right end Lionel Aldridge converged on QB (and infamous Packers-hater) Len Dawson who threw weakly toward tight end Fred Arbanas. The wobbly pass was intercepted by Willie Wood, who raced 50 yards to Kansas City's five-yard line. This was "the biggest play of the game," wrote Starr later. On their first play after the turnover, running back Elijah Pitts scored a touchdown run off left tackle to give the Packers a 21–10 lead. Stram agreed that it was the critical point of the game. The Packers defense then dominated the Chiefs offense for the rest of the game, only allowing them to cross midfield once, and for just one play. So far in 2019 the Packers have not scored a TD on Defense nor on Special Teams. As you read above, we are generally stopping the other team from scoring, but it is not a “shut down D”. All that will change on Sunday Night in KC. Coach is declaring it here. In a game that would make Willy proud, the Packers D will dominate and have a Pick-6, and we will win 35-10. Book it!! Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them This week’s tribute recognizes a Packer with a colorful background and is one of the true tough guys of the Lombardi Era, Ken Bowman. Born in Milan in 1942 to Gepeto and Fernedina Bowman, who ran the Vespa motorbike shop in town. Always fearless, Ken ran away from home at the age of 9 to join the Zoppé circus. Being extremely double jointed, he was able to parlay that ability to contort his body into a lucrative freak show. Circus flyers from the early 1950’s indicate that Bowman (actually, his given Italian name is Gaetano Bomano) was able to virtually detach limbs and put them back into place like a GI Joe (Soldato Giuseppe). Those talents obviously led him to America and the home of disjointed freaks, the Quad Cities, where he graduated from High School in 1959. Ken officially changed his name and made his way to the University of Wisconsin where he was the starting center for the Rose Bowl bound Badgers in 1962. Before long he got entangled in some off-the-field shenanigans (as young men in Madison often do), most notoriously at the Kollege Klub with Ron Vander Kellen and Pat Richter. This scene was infamously replicated at Cleo’s in Appleton with Max McGeee and Paul Hornung (not unlike Favre, Winters, and Chmura in later years). Back in the days when there were more than seven rounds, Ken was drafted in the eighth. He nevertheless beat out hall of famer Jim Ringo as starting center in his rookie season. In all, Bowman played ten NFL seasons, all with the Green Bay Packers. You undoubtedly saw footage of him as the center during the Ice Bowl in which Bart Starr scored the winning touchdown on a quarterback sneak in the final seconds for a third consecutive NFL title. That said, most of his teammates remember him more for his gutty performance a year earlier in Super Bowl I, when he played with a dislocated shoulder. “Fortunately, the shoulder popped out only once yesterday,” Lombardi said. “It was easily put back.” It happened on the field and Bowman forced his shoulder back in place between plays by pushing it against the body of one of his teammates. Upon seeing that freakish display, Kansas City defensive tackle Buck Buchanan purportedly threw up on the field where the ball was to be placed, and referees had to towel up the vomit in order to continue play. Bowman was a tough S.O.B., and never backed down from a fight. During the 1974 players' strike, Bowman was the NFL players' union representative for the Packers and was picketing the first preseason scrimmage against the Chicago Bears at Lambeau Field. Along with a number of teammates, he was arrested, and the Packers placed him on injured reserve with a phantom back injury, forcing him to sit out the entire 1974 season before they released him the following April. …but those clowns running the Packers back then were not what we would refer to as “Packer people” today. Bowman was better than them.
So, Gaetano Bomano, ti salutiamo! Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Lambeau gameday experience actually getting worse That's right ... I SAID IT! Coach was at a home game recently, and I met a 9-year-old Packer fan from Chicago (love it) who happened to be in the seat next to me … his 1st ever NFL game. When the fireworks went off during the National Anthem, his eyes got big and his jaw dropped with excitement. I told him about all the other cool stuff to come during the game, and he particularly couldn’t wait for the Jump Around in the 4th quarter. …But it never came. In fact, besides the Packers victory and the fat guy puking in the bleachers in front of me, that young boy otherwise felt his gameday experience at Lambeau was “Okay, I guess.” That's a damn shame. If you’re a season ticket holder like Coach, you’ve been peppered by survey requests, censuses, and discussion group invites that were advertised as opportunities to share your thoughts on the gameday experience at Lambeau (but suspiciously appear more like a box to check by staff seating coordinators so that Murphy can claim he asked the fans for input). Hello? Duh! Murphy need look no further than the archives of The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! for insights to make the gameday experience all that it should be. …and we all know he follows The Show!!!, don’t we…. So, to the Packers' Coastie Executive Officer, let me dumb it down for you. The gameday experience is becoming less “worth it” because it is changing from a celebration of all-things-Wisconsin to a corporate glitz show put on by marketing Yes-men who don’t know squat about Packers fans. In the 1970’s the Packers flat out stunk, yet every game was sold out and every seat was filled -- and rarely by a fan from the opposing team. Today we are one of the premier teams in the league, yet plenty of tickets are available for opposing-team fans, and often seats go unfilled at the stadium. You are focusing on the wrong stuff, and charging a king’s ransom for it. That, my friend, is not a formula for sustainable revenue, and it is endangering the long-term viability of the organization. Sledding hills aside, here’s a simple breakdown of what’s right and wrong with the gameday experience (you're welcome):
Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme We won, we’re in first place in the NFC Norris Division, we’re the No. 2 Seed in the NFC Conference and we make no apologies. The Lions, their Fans and the Rusty City are all moaning about the Packers winning 23-22 on a walk-off FG with 2 seconds left on the clock. They are moaning so loudly that they have gone so far as to put up a billboard in Detroit decrying the outcome. Now Coach is going to let you in on a little secret, we’ve always been getting jobbed by the refs. You don’t have to look any further than the Kitty Kats supposed TD on their first drive. Get over it you Motor-City-Morons. That’s right, just like in Seattle with The-Replacements, one ref calls “stopped”, one ref calls TD. Coach isn’t going to go any further on this line of thinking, other than to point out the he cropped out the “You’re No. 1” signal in the photo above (this is a family show after all, not that da wife agrees on that at all). If you look at the game stats and use “NFL rules-of-thumb”, the Lions should have won easily. They:
The reason Detroit lost? Very Simple. #We’reStillDetroit. At the time Coach went to press there was a debate among the staff if the Kitty Kats just hacked up a fur ball… …or if was just the Packers who choked them out at the end? Who knows, who cares; in any case they really looked sick and the Packers took control at the end. This was a tough one and Coach is a bit concerned that the Lion’s Coach, Patty Patricia, will be a challenge for us as long as he is there. He has implemented the kick-off-strategy that Hoody developed last year (more on that below) and at the end of the game he had the presence of mind to call for the Defense to let us score, so that Detroit could get the ball back with sufficient time for their offense. Hold-on, not so fast, in a moment that would have never occurred under Melissa McCarthy, Petite Fleur actually warned our guys not to score!! In the huddle Rodgers and the Vets emphasized that message with Jamal … and? Hallelujah!! Jamal ran through the gap in the line and sat down just short of the goal line. Add to that for the 2nd consecutive game, AR seems to be playing within “the system” and is going through his check-downs and we may be on to something here Gladice. We are now playing situational football. Coach got a whiff of this so-called “game management” late in the 2nd quarter when LaFleur chose to run the ball on 3rd and long instead of passing on 3rd and 21. While our less intelligent fans booed the lack of aggression, Coach cheered with delight knowing we could put 3 points on the board, kill the clock so the Lions would not get more than 1 play before halftime, AND we got the ball back to start the 3rd quarter. Coach is convinced, without a doubt, that McCarthy would have lost that game. Detroit had 38 offensive plays during the game and the “good news’ is that on 33 of those plays the Lions only gained 111 yards. The “but”?... On the other 5 they gained 188 yards. (OK, this is clearly not acceptable.) A positive example that Coach will point to is that the Felines had 7 plays inside the 16 on Detroit’s 2nd drive. This ended in their only TD, but the D did well to choke out the Kitties the rest of the game. After six weeks that leaves us as the No. 2 Seed in the NFC. Importantly, we are a “Top 10” in scoring differential. Coach will break down more stats in the weeks to come, but let me point out that we have had the third toughest schedule so far (the Rams opponents have a 70% winning percentage vs. NOLA at 60% and the Pack at 58%). For the remaining schedule, SF is going to take a big jump in Strength-of-Schedule, so the odds are good that this race will only get tighter! Oh, this is way too early to even think about it…but is it possible that we could have home field for the playoffs?? Coach gets woozy at the mere thought. Now, back to the grey cloud that surrounds every silver lining... We almost turned a blowout into a loss because of just a handful of stupid plays. On the first offensive play of the game, Patty Patricia really showed off his game planning skills. Knowing that Redmond (#35) would be in for Safety Savage, and that Kevin King is a little bit injured (as he has been for every game since he was in HS), Patty called for a flea flicker. As you can see in the GIF, Redmond bites on the play-action and King is left to watch Kenny Golladay go by. Just for grins-and-giggles reference point, Kenny Golladay’s 40 yard dash time at the 2017 NFL Combine was 4.5 seconds, which is slower than Kevin “Shoulders & Hammies” King 4.4 seconds time. Does it look like that now? Arms just a flapping away…Kev doesn’t appear to be as masculine as most NFL players…not that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m sure “Shoulders” is a nice guy. That first drive led to a Day-twah FG (check the pronunciation guide in your HS French dictionary). On the first play of the next drive Patty dialed up another special play just for Kev…this time to Karryon Johnson (“carry-on”? Must be a hoot at the Delta check-in desk). I guess they must have painted the stripes really thick last Monday night, cuz Kev just can’t get over them. For those of you keeping score at home, those two plays accounted for 124 yards, or 42% of Detroit’s Offensive output, FOR THE WHOLE FREAKING GAME! In a bit of a parenthetical aside, WTF is going on with Lowry?? This is 4 games out of 6 played where he goes high for the tackle, down on the goal line no less. At least this time they didn’t score for two more plays. Not to be outdone, Rookie-Undrafted-Free-Agent, Darrius Shepherd decided to get in on the act. I’m sure you all know Darrius? Right? Star of the North Dakota State Bisons! He was the smallest guy on that team, too. Six games into his rookie season, his stats are one catch for one yard, a fumble and a tipped-ball-INT. Wow. To be fair, he looked really good in training camp and the Packers had enough confidence in him to trade sure-handed speedster WR and special teams ace, Trevor Davis, to the Raiders after Game 2 this year. But that’s no excuse, if you are out there you have to perform. So let’s dive-in a bit more on Darrius’ big game. On 4th & 18 on their own 18 at 10:48 in the 3rd, with the Pack & Lions tied 13-13, the Kitties punted and Darrius attempted to catch the ball at the Packers 34… …yikes. He starts out slow, then overcompensates and runs too far, then tries to catch the ball over his head without calling for a fair catch. Yikes again. This is October, so Coach assumes some hicks from Mishicot were shining deer when their truck’s KC lights blinded Shep. At that point I was hoping it was just a one-time rookie nerves kinda thing. Ok, now the game is really on the line. 3rd & 7 with the ball on the Detroit 12-yard line, with 13:22 left in the game and the Pack down 19-13. We’re on the move and down to the 13, we’re gonna score! Right?? Well not quite. To be fair, the ball is a little bit behind Darrius and he has to slow up (and he slips, something the Packers did all night, but the Lions didn’t, are we sure our equipment guys are not hung-over?), so it’s a little bit of a mitigating circumstance…. ….ya know, Coach is pretty sure that right away in Training Camp they advise that you keep your eyes open so that the ball doesn’t bounce off of your face mask. WTF. No wonder he has one catch for one yard. Last but not least, kickoff returns. In this case Shepard doesn’t really make a mistake, it’s more of a “props to Patty Patricia” situation. Live at Lambeau, Shep looked like the slowest guy on the field. Notice that the ball is kicked short of the goal line, forcing Shepard to field the ball and run it out. All night Detroit did this and kept us short of the 25. Far from being an anomaly, Detroit has been kicking short of the goal line all year. They actually use their punter, Sam Martin, for kickoffs. He lays the ball sort of flat on the KO tee and he kicks it high and short, forcing teams to return it. As you can see in the chart above, 70% of their kickoffs are returned, for an average return of 20 yards (creating an average starting position 22- or 23-yard line). Insert mild chuckle here… what is it with the Packers ST Coaches for the last 20 years?? The Lions ST Coach is John Bonamego, who was a very pedestrian ST Coach for the Packers from 2003-05. Bring back Nolan Cromwell! The Packers, conversely, use the conventional NFL wisdom of trying force the touchback and starting point of the 25-yard line by kicking the ball into the EZ. About a quarter of the time they do return it on us, and we rank in the bottom quartile of the NFL at 33 yards per return. “So what?” you say. Well in the Detroit game that difference in strategy amounted to almost 140 yards in positive field position difference for Detroit. Shawn Mennenga, it’s on you man, we have to get this s&^t fixed if we truly want to be a playoff team. OK, let’s circle back to the important point. We are 5-1 and in control of our own destiny…if we looked at everything that we need to improve, this Show!!! would go on for another 20 pages…. …. Go Pack Go … WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL Defends Right To Subject Patrick Chung To Random Stop-And-Frisk SUDBURY, MA—Categorically denying allegations that the tactic was unconstitutional and unfairly targeted players who have been previously arrested for dangerous crimes, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell released a statement Sunday defending the NFL’s right to subject Patriots safety Patrick Chung to random stop-and-frisk searches after he was indicted for felony cocaine possession. “We’re simply trying to keep the game clean and provide a safe environment that benefits all our players. In this case, we received an anonymous tip about a suspicious-looking individual with a mask obscuring his face acting aggressively towards our players and decided to inform the proper authorities,” said Goodell at a press conference in which he advised Chung against loitering at the line of scrimmage or other sensitive areas to avoid similar incidents moving forward. “He was described holding an unidentified object in his hands, a description which prompted officials to detain Mr. Chung and perform a thorough strip-search. We were all relieved to discover it was just a football, this time, but no single player is above the code of conduct.” Chung and ten of his teammates are currently being held for questioning on suspicion of gang-related activity after eyewitnesses observed them wearing clothes bearing the same colors and threatening logo, and bringing others violently to the ground for no apparent reason other than wearing rival colors. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Chicago Ethos Just Horrible BOULDER JUNCTION, WI—During the Bears bye week, an entitled 20-year-old piece of shit, Kyle Connor, of the well-to-do Orland Park suburb of Chicago, whose daddy owns a cabin in Vilas County, allegedly burned down the historic treasure known as Gooch’s A-One Bar & Grill in Boulder Junction. Unreliable sources have confirmed that the dipshit minor was rightfully denied service at Gooch’s, then got drunk somewhere else, and returned to Gooch’s after bartime to do donuts in the parking lot. The asshole lost control of his grandmother’s 2002 Chevy Tahoe and crashed it into a power pole adjacent to the bar, setting everything ablaze. Despite a response from 20 area fire departments, including some from Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, the building could not be saved. Upstanding Midwestern musky fishermen (and women), hunters, Harley riders and snowmobilers alike are joining the owner Kevin “Gooch” Gutjahr in mourning the loss. On the surface, Gooch’s appeared to be your typical northern Wisconsin tavern, but inside it was more like a museum that just happened to serve beer and food. Originally built in 1926 by a local bricklayer as a saloon for lumberjacks and railroad men, it was purchased by Racine native and WWI veteran Joe “Shrimp” Wilfer and later expanded into a dancehall and then a wildlife museum after WWII where patrons could pay 25-cents to get close-up views of stuffed bear, timberwolves, deer, porcupine, raccoon and other Northwoods creatures. Gooch’s recent collection of over 300 wildlife mounts, some of them behind glass cases, included an 8’ polar bear, wolves, deer, moose, duck, bear, elk and several species of fish. The collection made the bar stand apart from other establishments and will be impossible to replace. Not that any FIB would care, but in that collection was the 168-pound sturgeon that Gutjahr speared on ’Bago 15 years ago, the full-body mounts of four black bear that ranged in size up to 500 pounds, and a 10-point albino deer hit by a car near the bar a few years ago. Half of the mounts in the bar were his, including the very first buck he shot when he was 16. (For things FIBs do care about, Gutjahr confirmed for this writing that his personal pronouns are, indeed, "he," "him" and "his.") Connor was charged with underage drinking, reckless driving endangering safety, refusing to complete a sobriety test, and operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated. His father quickly posted cash bail. Connor is a punk that took more than he could ever comprehend from Gutjahr – from AMERICA, and FIBs of his ilk make Chicago the disgraceful shithole that it is. Amen. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky’s 4th Shutout Best Defensive Start Since 1930 We at Badger Underground are the first to admit we whiffed big time on our score prediction. We happily point out that we predicted a 24-10 grinder with #6 Bucky just meeting the point spread. We were pleasantly surprised with the 38-0 outcome. We are not complaining. Yes, Jonathan Taylor did not get his 100 yards rushing and our O-line appeared to get shoved around a bit by one of the top 4 defensive front 7’s in the country. MSU was crashing from outside to inside all day and trying to funnel everything inside to stop JT. It essentially worked to limit JT who only had 2 TD’s. As if they were defending against Joel Stave or Alex Hornibrook, Sparty dared Coan to beat them passing on a windy day, and that is what he did! The offense put together an uncharacteristically effective passing attack (Coan 18-21 passing, 180 yards, 95 QBR). Recognizing that the out passes were going to be there all day, Coan needed to progress no further than his first read, getting the ball out immediately to DD3, swinging it to Taylor, or throwing it down the sideline to Jake Ferguson. The Cephus circus catch TD was special. It was cool to see some passing on first down. Kudos to Chryst/Rudolph for their offensive game-planning for this game. Despite Taylor failing to break the 100-yard mark, Bucky did rack up 222 rushing yards with 66 coming on a Pryor jet sweep TD. Defensively, everything right about this year’s unit was on display at all three levels. Zach Baun is as fierce a disrupter as we have had in some time at OLB, including TJ Watt, Biegel, & Schobert. Despite losing Connelly, Edwards, & Van Ginkle, our linebackers are actually playing better this year. Here is where the Badgers defense ranks nationally through six games:
Completing the sweep of Michigan NCAA football teams also bagged the State of Wisconsin annexation rights to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and its endless miles of waterfront property: The marketers at PepsiCo were quick to jump on the news, immediately gerrymandering their Mountain Dew campaign. These days trying to work up a frothy hatred for Illinois does not come easy. Meh. Just don’t F this one up Bucky! Take care of business. Keep the 9 game win streak intact. This is a classic trap game with the trip to the Whore Shoe next weekend. Should Illinois and their 1,500 fans in attendance for homecoming manage to push the Badgers for an upset (note: the point spread is 30), look for the Lovie factor to kick in during the second half. Lovie joins Bruce Weber as another one-time very good coach who forgot how to coach, despite steadily recruiting talent that Badgers fans could only dream about. Lovie has managed to hang onto his job, despite his 11-31 record (4-23 in conference, worse than Ron Zook’s 18-23), by maintaining an impressive pipeline of incoming recruiting talent. He ain’t no Mike White. This year’s Illini team has the talent to upset someone. They threw a scare into Nebraska and Michigan before reverting to ingrained tendencies. While QB play is average at best, the Illini have a decent running back and two good receivers. Starting QB Brandon Peters returns from a concussion. Badgers fans may recall him starting at Camp Randall two years ago for Michigan (9 of 18 for 157 yards). His numbers are not that bad, but most production likely has come after digging out from 21-0 deficits. They have a DL who is on the NFL watch list. While they could have put up some points against last year’s Badgers defense, we don’t see that happening Saturday unless a rash of injuries or huge letdown takes place. This year’s Badgers defense has only taken its foot off the gas late in games vs. Michigan and late vs. Northwestern after leading 35-0 and 24-3, respectively. Despite Lovie’s former defensive acumen, this year’s and last year’s Illini units were last or near last in the conference by most defensive measures—including giving up 320 yards rushing per game. They have; however, forced 14 turnovers. Perhaps Lovie should consider, like everyone else we’ll face from here on out, packing the middle of the field and making Coan and the receivers beat them. There are two areas where Illinois is at the head of the Big Ten class—they instituted in-game beer sales and they possess possibly the best kicking tandem in the conference. We say the Fighting ILL are at least as good as Central Michigan. We will go with the point spread and predict a 40-10 result. Sorry no shut out. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The Packers and Da Rrrrraydas don’t play very often, but when they do, we win! We are 8-5-0 all time against the Raiders and we have won the last seven in a row against them (they dominated the 70’s & 80’s in the series, we have dominated from the 90’s thru present). There is no reason on God’s Green Earth that that is going to change. In fact, Coach has it on good authority from “the big guy upstairs” that he is not happy with da Raydas. As most of you no doubt know, the Oakland-Los Angeles-Oakland Raiders are now heading to the sinful gambling haven of Las Vegas for the 2020 Season. Oakland fans are justifiable outraged by the move. Especially since Roger Goodell is rubbing it in their faces with the new “Raiders Luggage Line”. Nobody likes carpet baggers. This is particularly true for John Madden. As most of Coach’s loyal readers know, John invented the Internet, created the first Computer Game (Madden 2019) and endorses Chucky. Oh, yeah, and he also Coached Da Raydas when they were good in the 70’s & 80’s. Back in the day, we had neighborhood football teams with kids from six to sixteen years old. Nothing organized, just kids playing until they could get onto the Freshman HS Football Team (yeah, there actually was one sixteen-year-old 8th grader in the mix). To help with keeping track of the teams, everyone adopted the name of a pro-team. Because no one agreed on who could be the Packers, we all took AFL team names. Coach was on the Raiders and his brother was on the Chargers, loyalties that hold way today, and a key reason that Coach still likes the Raiders. Throw in Al Davis’ (owner and GM for many years) penchant for collecting talented yet troubled and/or aging players, a singular focus on winning (“Just Win Baby”) and a goofy looking youngest-coach-ever (33 year old John Madden) and you have the best Hotel-California team ever. John Madden was the head coach of the Raiders for 10 seasons. Madden's overall winning percentage including playoff games ranks second in league history. He won a Super Bowl (lost as linebackers coach to Vince Lombardi in SBII) and never had a losing season as a head coach. His teams of the 1970s were thoroughly dominant, with eight Hall of Fame inductees on the roster (not to mention Madden being a HOF'er himself). The 1970s Raiders created the team's identity and persona as a team that was hard-hitting. Nowadays we don’t play’em much so it’s hard to have much of an opinion, but we kinda like Da Raydas cuz of Chucky. He’s genuinely a funny guy, and he definitely made Hard Knocks entertaining this year. (Not that Coach actually watched any of it, but I read that it was entertaining.) Jon G really does things differently. As you can see here, some of his “try out” players were getting their exercise prior to the “Night Practice” that was scheduled later in the day. This kind of creative and extensive training led to them being able to beat the distracted Bears in London. This time, with a different kind of “double doink”. OK, the game summary? CBS will broadcast the game to a regional audience with play-by-play man Jim Nantz and analyst Burlington-Wisconsin’s-favorite-son-and-former-Eastern-Illinois-University-QB-Tony Romo. So we have that going for us. And, there are buncha other Rrrrayda connections to WI and the Packers: WR Trevor Davis was a Packer (2016-thru-the first two games of 2019). QB DeShone Kizer was a Packer, before we cut his ass because he’s a shitty player. TE Derek Carrier is from Edgerton, Wis. and played at Beloit College. FB Alec Ingold played at Wisconsin and is a Green Bay native and attended Bay Port HS. Head Coach Jon Gruden spent three seasons on the Packers’ coaching staff. Strength-and-conditioning assistant Deuce Gruden, Chucky’s kid, was born in Green Bay. WR Coach Edgar Bennett spent 17 seasons with the Packers in multiple roles as a player and coach. DL Coach Mike Trgovac held the same position for the Packers in 1999 and 2009-17. TE coach Frank Smith is from Milwaukee. All-in-all, Coach kinda likes these guys, we just don’t want to see Trevor Davis do this. TD did this in London two weeks ago and was a big part of why the Raiders beat the Bears. Who, by-the-way, still suck. Also, look for La Fleur and Rodgers to get out the stat sheet this week and realize that Jimmy Graham is a complete waste of oxygen… …Marcedes Lewis and Danny Vitale should have really good games while we wait for some Wide Receivers to show up. In a Super Bowl II repeat…and no 80-yard Canadian field for this one… Packers 33 Da Raydas 17 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them This week’s hero is none other than Center / Guard extraordinaire, Grey Ruegamer! Grey played Center for the Packers from 2003 – 2005, also known as the Mike Sherman years. Even though he was an offensive lineman, he could often be seen during pregame warm-ups catching passes from Brett Favre, which led to Coach’s ultimate disappointment that they never eventually translated those practice reps into a touchdown pass trick-play. Ruegamer was a great athlete at his Las Vegas high school and, even though he was considered a better soccer player there than real football player, he turned out ok. After being drafted out of Arizona State by the Dolphins, he played for the Patriots, Packers, and Giants, winning 2 Super Bowls over his 11-year NFL career. Speaking of Grey’s hometown Las Vegas, if you happen to go (which, at some point everyone from Wisconsin does), Coach stumbled upon a Packers bar there you might want to visit called the Rum Runner. I found out it is THE place for Packers fans to go in Sin City to watch a game. Not surprisingly, everyone in there wears Packers jerseys, and there’s Packers stuff on the wall, and there’s even a Vegas Packer-Backer fan club regularly in attendance. While waiting outside the restrooms, I was fortuitously greeted by a friendly patron there named Wanda who is a blackjack dealer at one of the casinos on the strip … she moved there from Eau Claire. Small world. She told me the bar owner, Gordie Hill, is originally from Waukesha. She also said the place starts getting packed an hour or two before kickoff, so seats can be hard to come by … but if you casually make it known you’re visiting from Wisconsin or are a 1st-timer there, you will likely be invited to join a group at one of the tables marked as “reserved.” The 2nd most fun for me (besides bumping into Wanda) was when the Packers scored, the bar erupted, arm-in-arm, into song… Who’s the leader of the club / that’s made for you and me? G-O-R / D-I-E / H-I-double L Gordie Hill! Gordie Hill! Forever let us hold our glasses high! And with that toast, everyone drank. Rum Runner has Oktoberfest-sized 25-ounce tappers (including PBR), and also carries brats and potato salad for the homesick locals. Imagine that, a Packers oasis in the desert! Wisconsinites care about each other. Anyhoo, back to Grey… As compensation for having to play under Mike Sherman, in 2017 the Packers named Ruegamer director of player engagement, which includes an large office overlooking Kroll’s West and a custom-built mahogany desk with inboard alarm clock. So, Grey Ruegamer, we salute you!
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Love has no age limit Much mainstream sports media attention – probably too much, has been made about Aaron Rodgers’ love interests over the years since he became a starter for the Green Bay Packers. Early on there was Baywatch beauty and Sports Illustrated swimsuit model “Rookie of the Year” (not to mention Coach’s personal favorite), Kelly Rohrbach... Then there was his much-maligned, family shitstorm relationship with Maplewoods Meats patron and X-Men nemesis, Lisa Oliva Munn... And now there’s former NASCAR and Indy Car driver, Danica Patrick. Perhaps the most eyebrow-raising aspect with Aaron’s latest girlfriend is that she is a “few” years older than he. Pish-posh, I say! Love knows no boundaries, and there certainly should be no restriction if one partner happens to be noticeably older than the other. That sort of myopic thinking is tastelessly outdated and a clear double standard. After all, if Rodgers was courting a woman a few years younger than him, the mainstream media would not be making such a big deal out of it. So why are they sounding the alarm when the roles are reversed? It’s just a bunch of good ol’ boy Hollywood sexism if you ask me, and there’s no place for it in today’s NFL. …At least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme This is all you really need to know: Coach correctly predicted the outcome …. again …. and a guy named Aaron dominated the game …. again. Yes sir, Aaron Jones had four, count’em 4, touchdowns at Jerry’s World. Joe Buck and Troy Aikman seemed so confused during the game that the other Aaron had to confirm it for “the Booth” You know it’s your day when the center blows a shotgun snap and it turns into a “direct snap” for a huge gain! (No kidding, this snap was supposed to be to Rodgers. Lucas Patrick was filling in at Center for concussed Corey Linsley.) Ezekiel Elliot, the guy who was supposed to dominate the game actually fell into a deep trance on the Cowboys bench during the 2nd Half. A short time later Jerry Jones was found to be rabidly spewing spittle and his son Stephen had to shield himself. At the time of this writing, Coach is fairly confident Jerry did not suffer a stroke during the game. However, Coach is also fairly confident that both men suddenly aged another 10 years on Sunday. Former Cowboys QB Aikman and former Coach Jimmy Johnson (both now hacks and Cowboy-homers for Fox Sports) were spotted on the Cowboys sidelines trying rally the hapless Cowboys. Coach has muted these clips so that the little ones in the house don’t have to hear all of the f-bombs from St. Troy. Aaron Rodgers is now 7-2 against the Cowboys. Dallas has never won a home game against the Packers since Jerry World opened!!!! After the game Aaron thanked Jerry for adding Zeke and Dak to his Cowboy bobble-head collection. Ahhh ... what a win … let’s all just roll around in it naked for a few minutes like we’re million-dollar hookers! OK, back to reality, 5 games down, 11 to go, 31.250% of the schedule played. With the win we are 4-1, NFC North Division leaders and the 2nd Seed in the NFC behind the Niners. …can’t wait to take them down after the bye week for shot at home field advantage in January. Rarely have Packers teams started fast, and having 4 wins in the bank will help a lot as we enter a tough stretch with four of five games on the road (no R-E-L-A-X needed). On offense we look balanced and, in a complete delight for Coach, Coach Petite Fleur looks flexible! Passing last week, running this week. Running outside-zone so far this season, running inside-zone against the Cowboys. And a QB that seems more about the Team than ever, “I’ve accomplished a lot statistically in this league,” Rodgers said. “I just want to win now.” Coach is excited about where the offense might go the rest of the season! So, is it all rosy? No. For the second week in a row, Mason Crosby made a TD saving tackle on a kick-off return. On the other hand, punts have been a real weapon…but kickoff coverage, sheesh. Let’s hope it’s fixed this week. Everyone is excited about the D and we are tied with the Pats for the league lead in turnover differential at +7. Think about this for 11 seconds, we already have 7 interceptions, the same as the total for all of last year! We are getting pressure on the passer with the addition of the Smith Brothers and it’s turning into turnovers. But all is not golden on defense. The formula so far is to score first and get lots of take-aways. The only game we didn’t win the turnover battle was the loss to Philly…. The formula has worked 4 out of 5 times and when we don’t get the TO’s, well …. we don’t play the run very well. For the 3rd time in 5 games, recent-new-big-contract-recipient Dean Lowry gives a demonstration how not to tackle…. especially how not to tackle on the goal line. If you want to consistently give up 5.2 yards per carry, Coach recommends that you go high and try tackling around the shoulder pads. After 5 weeks, where are we in the NFC? To project how strong we are as a team, look beyond the W-L record and examine some of the stats behind the wins. The chart below only includes the NFC, but for each of the categories the color indicates the rankings among all 32 teams. (Hint: Dark-Green “Top 5” is good and Red “Bottom 21-32” is bad.) The teams above are ordered by point differential and then by Defensive points allowed. The conclusion should be we are a pretty good team that is likely to make the playoffs, but we have to fix the run Defense. There will be games where the TO’s don’t come and we need to stop the other guys (see Philadelphia), so don’t book your Super Bowl flights just yet… …we are 2-1 against the teams ranked above us, but we’ll get Chicago & Minnesota again (home and away) and we face the Niners somewhere in Northern California. Tough tests to come, but hey, 4-1 is much better than anyone expected coming into the Season. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Christian High Schools Embattled In Overtime Game Entering Its Sixth Week LOMETA, TX—In a tragic prayer misfire, two Christian high schools have been stuck in a tied football game for the past six weeks after both teams prayed Philippians 4:13 before the game. The teams, the Lometa Christian Knights and the Adamsville Raging Reverends, are currently facing off in a record-breaking 5,920th overtime. They got stuck in the loop of neither team being able to win after both teams' coaches huddled them up to pray and both claimed the victory by invoking Philippians 4:13. "Lord, we claim the promise that we can do all things through you," prayed Lometa Christian Knight coach Stan Westwood before the game started in late August. "Like beat the pants off the Reverends. Gooooo Knights! Now, everyone's hands in. Jesus on 3. 1, 2, 3, JESUS!" "Lord, we come before you now and we just claim your promise that we can do all things through you," prayed Adamsville coach Red Camello. "Like crush the Lometa Christian Knights. Gooooo Reverends! Now, everyone's hands in. Jesus on 3. 1, 2, 3, JESUS!" Biblical scholars say that when two sports teams both claim the verse, it creates a paradoxical time vortex. "It's like an unstoppable object meeting an immovable wall," said one biblical scholar. "Some say they'll be playing forever." At press time, the Lometa Christian Knights had almost won after praying Jeremiah 29:11, but the Adamsville Raging Reverends quickly countered with Isaiah 40:31, and the stalemate continued. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Question: What is the most dysfunctional organization in the NFL? Unanimous Answer: THE OAKLAND RAIDERS! Question: If you lose to the most dysfunctional organization in the NFL on an international stage in a British stadium that is overflowing with your team’s fans, do you suck? Unanimous Answer: YES! Conclusion: The Bears still suck. Boom. Need more evidence? Consider this… The Bears are paying Khalil Mack $100M after trading to get him from the Raiders. Also, they just paid off QB Mike Glennon’s $50M guaranteed contract (they cut him last year), and he is now backing up Derek Carr for the Raiders. So, in summary, across the last 3 years the Bears have committed to shelling out $150M for essentially exchanging two players with the Raiders, IN ADDITION to giving the Raiders two 1st round draft picks for Mack, and they still lost to the Raiders. That is deliciously sucktastic. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground #8 in Coaches Poll – Badgers take on Michigan State BU prediction from last week: Badgers 41, Golden Flashes 3. Actual score: 48-0. Not bad. And that’s about all we have to say about that game. Not including garbage time, Bucky’s defense has allowed only 15 points in five games. The Badgers are the only FBS team that has not trailed in a game all year. We anxiously await this Saturday’s matchup vs. Sparty. We at BU hate MSU, the couch-burning armpit of the B1G. We hate them for their sexual abuse cover ups, which put them on par with Ped State. Dantonio apparently went all Sean Connory SNL Celebrity Jeopardy and thought it was suggested the team needed "the rapist" rather than a "therapist." Every time TV shows MSU coach Dantonio on the sideline he looks to be mumbling like Sling Blade. We don't like that they have played dirty or borderline dirty under Dantonio and Pat Narducci. We still hate the losses in East Lansing marring what were potentially great Badger seasons. We also hate Magic Johnson and Izzo and Kirk Cousins and Leveon Bell and Kirk Gibson (there seems to be an unusually large proportion of MSU athletes named Kirk). We’ll never stop hating them for producing steroid king Mandarich, leading him to get drafted #2 to the Pack. We hope the Badgers boat race those MFers like nobody's business. When UW arrived in East Lansing on Sept. 24, 2016, the Spartans were flying high. They were coming off a three-year stretch in which they went 36-5 overall, won 24 of 26 games against Big Ten opponents and played in the College Football Playoff. They’d opened the 2016 season by winning their first two games, including a victory at Notre Dame. Starting with a 30-6 loss to the Badgers that day, Michigan State has since gone 22-20 overall and 15-15 in Big Ten play. If you are taking comfort in that trend, or the 10-point spread vs Sparty because they lost to Arizona State and then got shitstomped by Ohio State, stop right there. Their front seven is stout and disruptive and has recorded 19 sacks and 48 tackles for loss in six games. The thing that worries about us about the MSU game is that the Spartans are traditionally an undisciplined bunch of thugs. But after the way they played Saturday night vs tOSU, limiting turnovers and mistakes is going to be a MAJOR point of emphasis for Dantonio. Even an MSU football player possesses enough brain power to focus for an entire week and they will not shoot themselves in the foot against us the same way they did against OSU. The Spartans have been relying heavily on senior quarterback Brian Lewerke, who is averaging more than 35 passing attempts per game. Lewerke already has thrown for 1,543 yards with 11 touchdowns and two interceptions, a far cry from 2018 when he finished with more picks than scores while dealing with a shoulder injury. The good news is that Lewerke has completed just 58.5% of his passes. Lewerke’s favorite target is senior wide receiver Darrell Stewart Jr., who has 41 catches for 624 yards and four touchdowns. Stewart is second in the Big Ten with 104 receiving yards per game. This guy is a stud. Sparty can’t run the ball consistently and their 2nd & 3rd tailbacks have left the team over the last 3 weeks. Comparable to our FG kicker, theirs has missed 6 of last 10. Badgers get their starting NT (Bryson Williamson) back, out since USF game. It is impressive how well the DL has performed in his absence, though it should be noted that they faced only one respectable offense. The difference between good Wisconsin and great Wisconsin is the ability to consistently get our WRs involved in the offense. Will Paul Chryst think "good Wisconsin" plus his defense is enough to win a grinder? MSU doesn't strike us as the kind of team UW can bully with the run game. The offense has reverted to last year’s look since the Michigan game. With wind gusts exceeding 30 mph on Saturday, don’t look for them or Michigan State to be opening the playbook and airing it out. Advantage Wisconsin. Should Michigan State even attempt (or be forced) to air it out, they will be doing so against a ball-hawking, head-hunting, pipe-hitting, bad-ass Wisconsin secondary. You read it here first. Bucky 24, Sparty 14. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game A lot has been made of the Lions being “almost” 4-0. True Dat. Coach is here to tell you, they are also “almost” 0-4. They blew a lead to Arizona in the season opener. They followed this with two thin 3-point wins and then blew another lead in Kansas City, that has them still gagging down the outcome. Detroit seems to have been on the wrong end of the stick several times this year … AND … they’ve only had 4 encounters with the sausage so far. Ironic to reflect that their pullovers are often blue, much like Monica’s. In an effort to improve their on-field performance, Coach Matt Patricia scheduled a scrimmage against a semi-pro female team last week during their NFL bye. Unfortunately for Coach Tricia, his guys couldn't figure out what to do and the Portsmouth, OH Random Girls prevailed by a healthy margin in the tilt. Roger Goodell purportedly won’t count this loss against the Lions, as he has previously approved exhibitional outreach to the fairer sex and sledding hills in order to generate unsustainable revenue. Oh, in case you missed it, Coach really likes it when we score more points than the other team – and while we are not a Top-5 Defense thus far, we do have a Top-10 D giving up an average of just under 19 points a game. What we need to get excited about is what Rodgers and LaFleur said in August, namely that this Offense will get better as the season unfolds. We do not currently have a Top-10 Offense, but on the path we are going, we should be among the League Leaders by the time we get to the Bye Week. The Offense looks more-and-more balanced and we are scoring more and more points per game. the Kitty-Kats will prove the laws of “average” and will emerge from Lambeau as a “tamed” 2-2-1 to put the all-time series as 101-72-7 in favor of the Pack. A Vegas lock if Coach has ever seen one; in a game not as close as the score indicates: Packers 41 Lions 17 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them The cowardly Lions used their 1st draft pick this Spring on Iowa tight end T.J. Hockenson. The number 8 overall selection appears to be the real deal and a ready-for-prime-time player in the pass-happy NFL. That got Coach to wondering ... Who was the last linebacker the Packers had who could truly shut down talented receiving tight ends? The last, and probably the best, was Clemson alum Wayne “Big Money” Simmons. Coach was at the 1995 Divisional Round playoff game in San Francisco when Green Bay thumped the defending Super Bowl Champion Forty-Whiners 27-17 (it was never really as close as the score might suggest). It was probably the most pivotal game for the Packers in 25 years to put the rest of the League on notice that they were a legit Super Bowl contender (and they gave Dallas all they could handle in the NFC Championship Game the following week, but the fricken refs threw the game ala #Rams”Beat”Saints). Anyhoo, the most remarkable performance of the game could arguably have been that of Wayne Simmons. On the Niners’ first offensive play, Steve Young swung a pass out to his flanker in the flat, and Simmons hit the back so hard the ball popped out airborne and was scooped up by CB Craig Newsome for an easy sprint into the end zone (right in front of me, BTW). Wayne Simmons set the tone for the day, for the whole D, on that play ... not Reggie, not Sean Jones, not Leroy Butler. Those guys did play great, too, but Wayne Simmons truly validated his Big Money nickname that day. And he didn’t stop with that first defensive series. When the Niners threatened to score a touchdown right before halftime, Simmons nearly decapitated Young as he scrambled toward the goal line on 3rd down, forcing them to kick a chipshot field goal. Then later he again hits Young, this time in the backfield with a strip sack (no instant replay challenges back in those days, so the Niners got the ball back). Most impressive that day, though, was Wayne Simmons’ ability to stifle All-World 49ers tight end Brent Jones, which messed up head coach George Seifert’s entire offensive game plan and completely frustrated San Francisco throughout the contest. Simmons trademark as a player from that day forward became his knack for shutting down opposing tight ends. Shutting down tight ends has become a lost art in today’s NFL, with its emphasis on using outside linebackers almost exclusively as "Edge" rushers. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying the game has changed. I still think a shut-down OLB it’s a pretty good tool to have in your toolbox, though. We may see how valuable it could be against the Lions. But I digress…
Wayne Simmons was a flat out badass. So much so, that some thought he might actually have suffered from bipolar disorder or perhaps a similar mental illness that made him appear deranged to “normal” people. He often drew the ire of devout Christian teammate and part-time homophobe Reggie White. Simmons infamously shouted 4-letter words in the locker room and, in doing so, got a “talking to” by the HOF defensive end. Many say that repeated confrontations between the two was what ultimately got Simmons traded to KC midway through the 1997 season, which coincidentally resulted in the Packers D getting soft and allowing the Broncos to run the ball down their throat in Super Bowl XXXII. Just sayin. The Chiefs waved Simmons in 1998 after a 30-7 Monday night drubbing by their arch-rival Denver Broncos (who won their 2nd Super Bowl in a row that year, just sayin). Wayne Simmons and fellow linebacker Derrick Thomas were called for a total of five personal fouls on the Broncos’ final TD drive. Now, both those guys are dead. …just sayin. In the early morning hours of August 23, 2002, Simmons was killed at the age of 32 in a single-car crash on a Missouri interstate highway. Witnesses say he was driving at high speed and weaving through traffic before losing control of his Mercedes, rolling it several times, and then landing in a ditch with a fiery explosion. “I was totally surprised by the manner in which Wayne Simmons died” said no one. So, Big Money, for being a real badass on and off the field, we salute you! |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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