Yep, that’s 3 in a row! Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Packers should only hire head coaches with surnames starting in “L”… I choose truth over facts. The science deniers will argue this point, but the numbers don’t lie. If the Packers want to win consistently; say, at least two-thirds of the time – then they should only hire head coaches with a last name that begins with the letter “L.” The letter “L” starting a head coach's surname is more important than previous head coaching experience, or what “tree” a coach comes from. Look, poor coaches are just as smart as white coaches. Everyone knows that. It’s not that they don’t want help, they just don’t know what to do. Play the radio, make sure the television, excuse me, make sure you have the record player on at night, the phone. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and women go -- you know … you know the thing. C’mon, man! These are things that unite a team to win. Lambeau, Lombardi, LaFleur, all won at least 2 of every 3 games they coached. If you follow the science, the only conclusion you can draw is that Packers head coaches should have a surname beginning with the letter “L” or, as a 2nd option, have the first name “Mike” (but winning percentage will then be somewhat compromised … as low as 59% - see the chart below). Still skeptical? Then how do you explain this… SEC West Division bottom dweller Mississippi State just upset the reigning National Champion and 6th ranked LSU Tigers 44-34 in Baton Rouge. “Who is the MSU Bulldogs’ new head coach this year, making his debut in the SEC?” you ask… Why it is none other than Mike Leach (gasp!). That could be the most formidable name in football, according to science. Related, and just as scientific, the world is projected to end in less than 12 years unless you stop using fossil fuels and eating meat, and unless you give lots of money and credence to causes that claim climate change is an existential threat; therefore, Matt LaFleur looks to be our last head coach anyways (if we’re lucky), so I guess all of this becomes a moot point in the end. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Another weird week of COVID-NFL Football and the El Paso kid shows up wearing, what? A Packers sombrero and his sports sun goggles, perfectly polarized to blunt the blinding rays of the Superdome Sun (or maybe blunt the red eyes from a blunt)? Throwing caution to the wind, the Saints opened the stadium up to fans and other infected New Orleanians and 750 people showed up. Ah, who cares we’re 3-0! What did Coach tell youse last week, eh? Last week Coach said: Go mortgage the house and put it all on the Pack to not only cover the spread, but to win convincingly. Packers 38 Saints 31 And what happened? I hope you did bet the house like Coach tole yooce. We won and covered! Packers 37 Saints 31 Ok, aside from the fact that Coach is the inaugural member of the Nostradamus Club, the Packers played to form.
….and, pretty good Special Teams! Special Teams have been an Achilles Heel for the Packers for a long time, arguably back to the 1996 Super Bowl Team (the 2010 Team had “good” but not “great” ST). There are many elements to ST, let’s just skim the main parts:
The good folks at Football Outsiders (FO) have a very detailed methodology for evaluating ST. In the event that you are a nerd and have several days to waste looking at websites, Coach invites you to take a deep dive into their work (Click On Link). If you don’t care and just want to know the answer, then read on! Through the first three weeks of the 2020 Season, FO has the Packers ranked at No. 7 overall, up from No. 12 last week. Let’s break this down into two elements to keep it simple: Scoring-Points & Kicking/Punting-Coverage-&-Returns Scoring Points on ST In no surprise to any of you actually watching the games, we are ranked No. 1, first, numero uno in Field Goals and Extra Points. Mason Crosby and his snap-team have been “money”. Yes, it’s his leg, but Hunter Bradley snapping and JK Scott holding are critical as well. Kicking/Punting Coverage & Returns Football Outsiders (FO) has us ranked in the middle-of-the-pack at No. 18 in this category. This is “OK”, but not as good as we need to be. To determine the ranking, FO calculates the “Hidden Points” from the change in field position due to the kicking and returns. In plain English, the better you punt-and-cover, the better you kick-and-cover and the better you return kicks, the better net field position you will have, relative to the other guy. And, better field position leads to a higher probability of scoring points or not giving up points. But there are definitely bright spots on ST!! One of Coach’s favorite plays of the game was the Saints first punt. They went 3-&-Out on the first series and set up for a “routine” punt. This is a classic time for a fake punt, because nobody expects one! Remember the 2009 Super Bowl? Saints Coach Sean Payton opened the 2nd half with an onside kick and stole a possession. Will the Packers fall for it? As you can see in the shot above, the Packers only rushed 3, had Z’Darious Smith “spying” on Taysom Hill and 4 guys back in fake punt coverage. We were definitely ready for the fake (and probably prevented them from running a fake). The other huge ST play was with 0:32 left in the game; we correctly played the short Onside Kick to finally seal the deal. Special Teams don’t get mentioned very often, but they are critical to winning. You can have a great team, only to have ST lose the game for you. See also: Brandon Bostick. This is the type of game preparation and management that completely eluded Melissa McCarthy all those years he was in Green Bay. Neither of these plays show up in the Box Score, but both were key plays in winning this game. Way to go Coach Meningitis! The game felt a little bit like the previous two, some back and forth and eventually the Packers took control late in the 4th Qtr. Brees’ inability to mask his right cheek mole or throw downfield showed up on Sunday night, but he still had a slightly better Passer Rating than AR (127.8 vs. 124.9). No matter, we won. In his post-game presser Aints Coach Sean Payton gave Rodgers and the Packers Offense a lot of credit without directly criticizing Brees. “We jump offsides and allow him a free play on 3rd down when all week long we talked about discipline and cadence. It’s 3rd, it’s a great opportunity for us to get off the field…” (Referring to the 3rd & 3 at the Saints 15, with 3:49 left in the game and the 30-27 Packers. Rodgers was masterful and he drained 4:36 off the clock and eventually threw a TD to Tonyan to seal the game at 37-27.) And Payton on why the Packers’ bootlegs are so difficult to defend: “That’s a good question … we made ’em look difficult”. With Davante Adams injured on the sideline, Lazard had his best game as a pro --- 6 receptions for 146 and a TD. What is it about Lazard and stumbling downfield? Even Davante Adams got in on the teasing… Overall the stats on the game say it was a very close game. And it was except for the age-old adage in all high-level sports: “the team with the fewest mistakes wins” (see also: Belichick, William). We ran the ball a little bit more than the Saints (26 to 20 attempts) and we had a little bit more TOP (31:40 vs. 28:20). But the biggest advantages we had were Red Zone effectiveness (80% vs. 50%), Penalties (8 vs.2), and turnovers (1-0, the Z’Darious Smith strip-sack-fumble-recovery on Taysom Hill). Flip it around the other way and the Packers even played fairly well on Defense … except for mistakes. [And Coach would be a billionaire, except for his investing mistakes. Somebody, anyone, please tell all your friends to drop Facebook for MySpace!] Most of the game the Saints were bottled up, except for Alvin Kamara. He singlehandedly had 50% of the Saints yards and on only two plays, one run and one pass, he accounted for 25% of the Saints Offense (see mustard colored highlight in Box Score above). The two charts below show Kamara’s runs and pass receptions. The run chart shows that essentially, he had one run, but it was a monster run. Similarly below with the pass receiving chart. Kamara had more success as a receiver, but obviously had one killer pass reception (or said another way, on one play the Packers defense had 6 missed tackles and looked like a bunch of pussies). The Kamara catch and run was just sickening. It was a simple check down pass by Brees on 3rd and 5. The carnage started with Will Redmond missing a tackle-for-loss and ended with 6 points, five missed tackles later. Is there is hope on Defense Coach? Yes Billy, there is hope. Option A: Fix the D with the guys we have! Kingsley Keke had two sacks, a tipped pass and a strip sack. Way to go Kinsley! With the score 30-27 and 8:47 left in the game the Saints got ball on their own 25. Classic time for a Brees comeback TD. But we stopped them for a 3 & out at a critical juncture in the game. 1st Down 2nd Down 3rd Down Halleluiah, on the last play the whole D showed up for some gang tackling! To summarize, some of the best Defensive plays of the game were made by: Kinsley Keke 5th Rnd Draft - 2019 Krys Barns UDFA - 2020 Ty Summers 7th Rnd Draft - 2019 Chandon Sullivan UDFA - 2018 No. 58 can take his hurt shoulder and watch Ty Summers work for a few weeks. Well done by Gooty for working on the Depth. It’s a little early to declare that Gooty has stocked the cupboard like we had in 2010, but the depth looks good. Let’s hope that D Coordinator Poutine can fix things, but if not there’s always … Plan B on Defense: The son of Bum Phillips is available as D-Coordinator! WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Local Dad Continues to Pine for 1st Round WR Kaukauna, WI—Waxing philosophic about opportunity lost as a result taking a backup quarterback in the first round of the 2020 NFL draft, paper mill consultant Bob VandenBoomer informed his high school-aged son at the breakfast table Monday morning that “I still think the Packers should have taken a Wide Receiver in the first round,” despite Green Bay’s offense putting up an eye-popping, league-leading average of over 37-points per game, even without the services of their star wide receiver Davante Adams for 2 of their 3 games. “Sure, I’m not a professional scout, but I’ve heard enough football commentators on TV and the radio to know who Gooty SHOULD have drafted in the first round, and that was a wide receiver, or at least a middle linebacker, or maybe a D lineman, or a right tackle!” In response to the puzzled look on his son’s face, VandenBoomer drew a parallel comparing his disappointment in the 2020 Packers draft class to that of his son’s poor score on the ACT college entrance exam last spring. “Just because you make the playoffs – or get good grades – every year doesn’t lead to a championship, or entrance to a top flight university, like your brother.” At press time, VandenBoomer was doing damage control by comparing the speed at which his son cleared the table to Desmond Howard’s Super Bowl XXXI MVP performance returning kick-offs and punts. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Rioters Decline to Sign Mitch Trubisky CHICAGO—Mitch Trubisky appeared at the Chicago riots last week, saying he was excited to be a part of the looting and violence. Trubisky tried out for the riots by throwing bricks into windows but missed every time. He was able to rush a Molotov cocktail into a Jewel Grocery Store window and then spike it on the ground, but then he caught fire. Finally, in a last-ditch effort to get selected for one of the riot squads, he filmed a workout video and sent it to various protester organizations but hadn't heard back as of publishing time. "While we appreciate Mitch's enthusiasm, we need someone who can lob a Molotov cocktail accurately," said a representative for the rioters. "We wish him the best of luck in his future rioting career. We believe Mitch will land on his feet with another rioting organization. Maybe New York or Portland will want him." Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground As the Pandemic goes on, the Badgers get testy... Frankly, we are just cringing at the fact that this weekend was supposed to be the Bucky vs Notre Dame game in Lambeau. We had been looking forward to that shit-stomping Bucky victory since about 1981. Maybe the football gods settle the books, make things right and we get the bloody Catholics in a bowl game. Luckily, we have the Packers to watch and have only a coupla weeks before the Badger opener against the FIB’s. OK, here is a little analysis of the Bucky D for you … it is expected to be a strength, despite losing Jonathan Orr and Zach Baun. As you might be aware, Paul Chryst has been scoring some big recruiting wins. Madison’s reputation as a top-tier party campus, recently relaxed academic standards for athletes, nationwide Covid disruptions and a demonstrated culture of social un-distancing have made UW a destination campus for disgruntled transfers from other programs. Here is our analysis by position as promised last week: Defensive End: The 3-man line is expected to be a strong point this year with redshirt seniors Issaiah Loudermilk and Garrett Rand on the ends and a soph-o-more from Janesville Craig, Keeanu Benton, at nose tackle. ILB: Chris Orr will be missed as he was in the second half of the B1G Championship when Fields ran wild, but look for Chenal and Sanborn to step up. There are a coupla tree-star recruits out there as well to keep an eye on. They are some BMF’s who show plenty of promise. OLB: Backfilling for Zach Baun will be tough, but check out the wingspan on 6’6” expected starter Green-May. Burk is back and providing much-needed instant pass rush, a good locker room guy with an attitude. The OLB recruits are spectacular at this position with two 4-stars and a 3-star! CB’s: ALL CB’s are back this year and expect them to build on their experience last year. Williams, Wildgoose, and Hicks are expected starters with plenty of experienced back-up. Three-star recruit Max Lofy wins the Badger Underground cool name award this week. Safeties: Scott Nelson is back after losing the whole 2019 season to injury. Let’s hope he stays healthy. Like the CB’s, there were no significant departures. This D on paper should rock! Jimmy Leonard will coach ‘em up. We cannot wait. Support Staff: The newly-formed pre/post-game off-the-field cheer team is no longer accepting applicants, having also landed top-tier transfers… We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game It turns out the Falcons are one of the worst franchises in NFL history when it comes to blown leads. The Falcons blew a 20-point lead against the Cowboys in Week 2 and blew a 16-point lead against the Bears last week. Epic collapses in both games. Needless to say, the Falcon’s fans and media have been merciless… But Coach, don’t they still have Matty Ice and Julio Jones? Yes Billy, they do, but so what? Matty Ice has no answers for why they are blowing games (see also Super Bowl LI). The Packers have been 4-3 against the Dirty Birds since killing them 48-21 in Atlanta during the 2010 Playoffs (Coach was there, of course). A consistent theme them in those 7 games is that we play well on Offense (avg 28 ppg) but play weakly on Defense. (Where have I heard that before?) The last time we played the Falcons was December 9th, 2018 at Lambeau. You may remember that game as a nice win. Coach remembers that game as the debut of Interim-Head-Coach-Joe-Philbin (sung to the tune of “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead”). For the 2020 Season, the Pack looks much stronger than the Falcons. On Offense we’re averaging 10 more points/gm (40 vs. 30) and on D we’re allowing 8 fewer points (28 vs. 36). Both Offenses are good, both Defenses are bad, sort of like last week, but the Falcons are way shittier than the Saints. Granted, three-games-in is not a big data set, but if you throw in 2 points for Home-Field-Advantage, we have a 20-point margin! Currently the betting line favors the Pack by 2 ½ points which will likely grow during the week (and the O/U was only 43, go figure that one). Ok, we’re hot, they’re not. We’re coming off a big win, they’re coming off of two terrible and embarrassing losses. Isn’t that the formula for the classic NFL upset (in the “they get paid, too” category)? No. We will not have a letdown, why? The Offense will continue at record pace! (Despite Lazard’s torn tummy.) Special Teams will continue to improve! (Seems like a safe bet.) The Defense will finally play a complete game! (OK, well maybe that’s a stretch.) The Smith Bros. have had enough criticism and they will play disciplined and in control. We also now have Ty Summers in the middle. The greatest ability is availability. So, while Christian Kirksey might have been an upgrade over Blake Martinez at inside linebacker for the Green Bay Packers, he missed the final two-and-a-half quarters of Sunday night’s win at New Orleans with a shoulder injury. After missing 23 games the past two seasons due to injuries, Kirksey is expected to miss at least Monday night’s game against the Atlanta Falcons. Without Kirksey, Ty Summers was thrust into action and played 44 snaps at linebacker and led the team in tackles against the Saints. Definitely an upgrade! Rodgers will stay focused and want to notch another win before the bye week! Packers 44 Dirty Birds 28 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them So you’re probably wondering, “Who was the heaviest Packer to play on one of Brett Favre’s teams?” And then you’re probably answering yourself, “It’s gotta be Gilbert Brown, right? It’s gotta be.” Well, it’s not. It was actually Southern Belle, Grady Jackson! That’s right, Gilbert came in at a svelte 340-lbs (or, as Mike Holgren used to say, “a-player-and-half wide”), whereas big Grady topped the scales at 345-lbs (both men being an even 6’-2” tall). What’s even more scary is that both of these guys played with each other! (…the game of football, I mean, of course) That’s right, if you were playing Center for the Chicago Bears in 2003, your coach would be Dick Jauron, you’d be snapping the ball to Kordell Stewart, your team would be very shitty, AND you’d be lining up against almost 700-lbs of gap-filling belly fat when you played the Packers. Daunting. So what happened to Grady? Well, he was what you’d call a journeyman defensive player... Originally drafted by the Raiders in the 6th Round of the 1997 draft, Grady then moved on to New Orleans before coming to Green Bay. After he was released in 2005 by the Packers following multiple arrests for possessing amounts of marijuana in the truck of his car sufficient to be considered “for distribution” under Florida law, he found himself some playing time in none other than Atlanta, GA. From there Jackson bounced around to play for Jacksonville (ha ha), then again in Atlanta (2008), before finally going to the place where all football player’s and coach’s careers die, Detroit (see also, Dick Jauron). So, Grady Jackson, you’ll never be of great Gilbert fame in Green Bay, but you were a bigger man than he (literally, not figuratively), and for that we salute you!
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: if we continue to work on ourselves, we can help the NFL become more inclusive… With inane assertions aimed at shaming people into feeling illogical guilt (ubiquitous these days), all 32 team names can be called out as inappropriate. For perspective, Coach dismantles their names one team name at a time: Las Vegas Raiders – Celebrates The Raiders of the Lost Ark, which featured prominent Nazi imagery. Denver Broncos – Horses have been subjugated and enslaved for millennia. Los Angeles Chargers – Anyone who has faced down a line of charging riot police would not find this name the least bit funny. Kansas City Chiefs – How about the Wise Honorable Indigenous Tribal Elders? Houston Texans – Celebrates the most racist state in the Union. Indianapolis Colts – This name glorifies guns. Jacksonville Jaguars – Jaguars are driven by evil rich “1-percenters” as they run over poor people. Tennessee Titans – Reinforces the harmful idea of power structures and male-dominated hierarchies. Pittsburgh Steelers – Making steel contributes to global warming, except of course when you make steel to build wind turbines or electric car factories. Cleveland Browns – This one’s probably ok. Cincinnati Bengals – It just sounds racist. …still looking into it. Baltimore Ravens – Named after the Disney Channel show That’s So Raven without the POC protagonist’s permission. New England Patriots – Patriots are the worst. If you truly love this country, you must hate everything about it and change it. Miami Dolphins – Painful reminder that Sea World still exists. Buffalo Bills – Bills are an evil byproduct of capitalism. New York Jets – The burning of jet fuel contributes to global warming, unless of course you are in the rare company of someone taking a jet to a climate change summit. Seattle Seahawks – Birds are unable to give consent to have their name used as mascots. It’s not like we can just take their rights, like unborn babies. San Francisco 49ers – The gold miner mascot hearkens back to manifest destiny and the destruction of Mother Earth. Arizona Cardinals – Too religious. Los Angeles Rams – Ram trucks contribute heavily to the existential climate crisis. By last count, we have less than 11 years left. New Orleans Saints – Public displays of religion go against the constitution, even thought it was created to allow it. Carolina Panthers – The panther was appropriated wholesale from Wakandan culture. Everyone knows that. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – This one’s actually ok because they were probably just stealing bread to feed their families. Atlanta Falcons – Celebrates one of the cheapest Smash Bros. characters, who is a smug little punk that only jerks choose. Minnesota Vikings – Associated with patriarchy-dominated Norse mythology. Chicago Bears – Murderous bears should never be celebrated. Detroit Lions – Lions are not vegans. Green Bay Packers – Glorifies butcherous meat packers. Meat causes global warming. Gross. Oddly enough, however, the mascot is embraced by the LGBTQX community. Coach isn't sure why, though. I'm just proud I learned how to spell LGBTQX. New York Giants – They prefer “persons of height.” Dallas Cowboys – A mutant half boy, half cow is tragic and should not be used as a mascot. Philadelphia Eagles – Eagles are a well-known Nazi symbol. Washington Redskins – Nothing wrong with this one as far as I can tell, although perhaps they should change the name to “DC” Redskins. This informative list should be a wake-up call to the NFL. Within 20 years, if the planet still exists, we may get them to put down the pigskin and kick around a rock while naked until it goes through an elevated vertical hoop, resulting in a death sentence for the losing team captain, just as the ancient Aztecs intended us to. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Not flawless, but a satisfying outcome nonetheless… With our 2nd win of 2020 we sit on top of the NFC Norris Division. The Queens were Off-Season picks to win the Division and Detroit was “much improved” as anal-ized by many pundits. In no shock or surprise to Coach’s loyal readers, the Queens and the KittyKats suck. [Didjya ever wonder where the word pundit came from? No, Coach doesn’t care either, but it turns out that the term derives from the Sanskrit term pandit (paṇḍitá पण्डित), meaning "sportswriter with no insight” So, now you are smarter than you were 3 seconds ago, you’re welcome.] Didn’t it feel like déjà vu all over again? Start out slow on offense, give up a buncha points and then come roaring back. This formula has worked well for the first coupla weeks on the little sisters of the weak-and-poor, but we’ll see how that holds up against good teams. The Lions held the ball for just over 10 min in the 1st Qtr and racked up 150 yards and 14 points to take a 14-3 lead. Unlike the two SF games last year, the Packers Offense came racing back in the 2nd Qtr and took control of the game by Halftime. The Offense really did look tremendous the rest of the game. Week 1 the Vikings focused on taking away the run and Aaron Rodgers went off for one of his best games ever. Week 2 the Lions focused on taking away the Pass and Aaron Jones set single-game career highs in rushing yards (168) and total yards from scrimmage (236), with three touchdowns (two rushing, one receiving). After two weeks of play, we have the No. 1 Offense in the NFL, as measured by points scored and by just about every other statistic for offense. We also are No.2 in Point Differential (Points Scored minus Points Allowed), a key predictive statistic for the Post-Season. Another encouraging point is that even the Special Teams are playing well. Fantastic punting and kicking, combined with “OK” returns and “OK” coverage units, have our short-bus-team ranked at No. 12 by Football Outsiders and No. 5 by Belcher Report. That is better at this point than any season since ’96 (we have yet to see if Tyler Ervin can play the Desmond Howard role, but keep your fingers crossed). While the Offense is great, we are ranked 21st in Points Allowed at 27.5 PPG. We could easily be even worse, but the Offense has held the ball so long that the Defense hasn’t had to play very much. An astute reader might ask, “How well do we do in actually stopping plays by the other guys?” Answer – not so good Norm. The big advantage in time-of-possession is masking how poorly we are playing D. Opponent Yd/Pass Rank 25 Opponent Yd/Rush Rank 30 If we weren’t holding the ball on Offense, we would be giving up many more points, much like the losses to Philly, the LALA Bolts and the Niners (2x) last year. Defense and Drops! The barrier between our current “Pretty Good Team” and a “Great Team” is simple enough … fix the Defense and stop dropping passes (more on the drops later in The Show!!!). Last week we focused on how fantastic the 2020 Offense is, so let’s dissect the Defense this week. Big Plays are the hallmark of this Defense. Week 1 we had the Safety and the Offense added a FG after the free kick, so credit the D directly with 5 points agin the Queens. This week it was Chandon Sullivan’s chance to be the hero. After A Jones’ 75-yard TD to open the 2nd half and an exchange of punts, the Lions had the ball 1st & 10 at their own 5 yd line. Sullivan did an outstanding job of baiting Pam Stafford into throwing the ball directly to him for a Pick-6. Poutine’s D does not use a disciplined approach. A fundamental principle of his Defense is for the front 7 (or 6 or 5) to go aggressively in to the opposing team’s backfield, by any route possible. While this does help pressure the QB, creates interception opportunities and makes us generally look good at stopping the pass, we can’t stop the run. This clip from last week looks very much like the game before (NFC Champ game against the Niners). This play is after Kenny Clark left the game, we have two down linemen and Zilarious Smith playing “standup” Nose-Tackle accompanied by three LB’s (3 DL, 3 LB, 5 DB’s -- a Nickel formation). After the snap there is mediocre penetration into the backfield and Zilarious runs right by Dalvin Cook, leaving a huge gap. This might not be critical if we had a LB to fill the gap but note: Kirksey is lined up 7 yards behind the line-of-scrimmage and then he is late diagnosing that the play is a run (not a pass) and he is late in recognizing where Cook is going. Net result? Kirksey makes a Blake Martinez type tackle 10 yards downfield. Ah, but Coach, this is an isolated incident isn’t it? Here’s another play later in the Vikings game. Same Defensive formation: 2 down linemen Z Smith playing “standup nose tackle” 3 linebackers (with Kirksey 7-8 yards off the ball) This time Zilarious doesn’t penetrate, he’s simply blown out of the hole (low man wins). This time Kirksey correctly diagnoses that the play is a run and then promptly runs himself into the wrong hole. Result? Derwood Cook has a massive hole to run through. Wait, is Kirksey the problem? Much like on the run plays above, the D-line pushes up-field, but they all get pushed to the outside. Kirksey lined up 7-8 yds behind the line-of-scrimmage and he quickly moves up and over the LOS to play “cleanup”, but he puts himself in too close and is in no-mans-land vs. the QB-Cousins. In the process he guesses wrong and goes to his left creating a massive hole for Cousins to run through. There was a bit of a kerfluffle this Summer when Blake Martinez said that the reason he made so many tackles downfield is that he had to play conservatively, and that his role was clean-up for all the other guys going aggressively into the backfield. After two games it looks like Martinz was right. When Kirksey hangs back, he tackles downfield. But when Kirsey does come up to help, he often (maybe usually?) incorrectly reads the play and is out of position to help. Had enough? Well surely Coach, with all that bad film from 2019 and from WK 1 2020 D-Coordinator Poutine would have reminded his guys how to play disciplined assignments, right? With the score 7-3 Lions and 2:35 left in the 1st Qtr, the Lions had the ball 2nd & 9 at the Packers 34 yd-line. The Packers line-up with a 2-3 Front (Dime Package with 6 DB’s). The yellow circle is on Z Smith who’s lined-up at left side LB. As outside LB, he has “outside contain” on any running plays (the DB next to him has coverage responsibility -- there are an H-Back, a TE and a WR lined-up on Detroit’s right side that he needs to help cover). Immediately after the snap Zilarious takes himself out of the play by jumping into the middle. The 52-year-old Adrian Peterson sees Zilarious vacating a huge hole, so he runs untouched for 25 yards, setting up the Lions 2nd TD. Give Montravious Adams credit, he was lined up at DT and almost got out to the corner to stop Grandpa Peterson. The play was a little different than the one we dissected in last week’s episode (Niner’s with Mostert in the NFC Champ game), but the situation was the same. Opponent Leading Knocking on the red zone door (the Niners were at almost the same yard line) 2nd down and long yardage … they are “supposed to” pass the ball … but why should they?
This is the formula that the entire NFL is watching with the Packers. Our D Coordinator dials up a Defense that is outstanding for a specific situation, but then the opposing QB recognizes it and audibles a run (if it wasn’t already anticipated by the OC) and then we get burned with the lack of disciplined play when guys run all over trying to make up for being in a bad alignment or Defensive play call. But we also just get manhandled sometimes. The next play is from late in the 3rd Qtr and you can see on the banner ribbon that we are up 34-14 and the game is truly over. Garbage time, right? Let’s pile up some statistics, get a blow out, get some sacks, right? It’s 2nd & 2 and if you’re Detroit you want to pick up a 1st down and at least close the point difference. Poutine is obviously playing pass the rest of the game as he is again in the 2-DT, 3-LB Dime (6 DB’s). Coach hates the D-Formation but will concede the argument (that Poutine presumably makes) that Detroit will be swinging for home-runs the rest of the game; so playing Pass Defense makes some sense. BUT…. Yet again, after the ball is snapped Zilarious aggressively takes himself inside (away from the play) and Kirksey hangs back and falls for the jab-step by the RB D’Andre Swift (Kirksey’s left, RB’s right). In still shot above you can see the 10 yds of green grass between Swift and Packer’s CB Kevin King (#20) with nary a D-Lineman or LB to slow him down. Also make note of the two D-Lineman, Dean Lowry (#94) and Kingsley Keke (#96)…they are being pushed 2-yards backwards and are getting killed by the Detroit O-Line. Granted it’s 3 on 2, but they are getting their asses handed to them and they have violated rule No. 1 in line-play: “low man wins”. At one level this is a boring play during garbage time, so who cares? Right? We gave them the first down on this play and eventually a TD on this drive. Watch this loop a few times and you will be absolutely disgusted. Detroit is out of the game and we should be ripping their throats out. Instead we are letting them ram the ball down our throats. We may not have elite D-Line talent after Kenny Clark, but when we are making the same mistakes with fundamentals, week-in-and-week-out, you really have to ask about the coaching. Coach had several episodes last year focused on watching Lowry stand up at the snap and then getting blown out of the hole. Not a damn thing has changed this year. Good folks out there, the Defense is simply not good enough right now to go anywhere meaningful at the end of the 2020 Season. Please remember we had the No. 1 Scoring Defense when we won 3 of our 4 Lombardi Trophies, including 1996 and 2010. What we are running is a simplified version of the Dom Capers’ 3-4 Defense so that less experienced players can play. But in the end, it’s too much finesse and over-thinking what the other guy might be going to do. If we want a Super Bowl, we have to significantly improve the Defense during the course of this Season. Addition by subtraction …. join me now: Fire Pettine. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL Players Wear Special Lace Collars to Honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg ST. PETERSBURG, FL—NFL players are honoring the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg this week by wearing pretty lace collars just like Notorious RBG used to wear. In a touching show of respect for the late Justice Ginsburg, and in solidarity with her progressive cause, Ndamukong Suh and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers took to the practice field yesterday wearing a stunning variety of delicate white collars inspired by RBG's wardrobe. According to several commentators on ESPN, the coaching staff fell silent as the players all knelt on one knee and chanted "RBG! RBG! RBG!” ”Yeah, RBG was an amazing person," said Suh after the practice. "I have her biography right here and I totally read it right before practice today. She was a judge. That's cool, I respect that. Judges judge things and not everyone can do that. She believed in Black Lives Matter and being on the right side of history and stuff." Tight End Rob Gronkowski also expressed his happiness with the collars. "It's good to honor her today with these lacey things. Commissioner Rodger Goodell and Nice President Biden told us to wear them so we did. I just took this little doily thing from under a table lamp at my mom's house and cut a hole in the middle. Easy." NFL players are vowing to wear the collars until Trump is removed from office, or until angry rioters burn their football stadiums to the ground, whichever comes first. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Game Keeps Interrupting Commercials CHICAGO—A promising series of commercials kept on getting interrupted by a dumb football game, multiple sources across the country confirmed Sunday afternoon. "Just when you start to get into it, they jump right back to the guys chasing the ball around," said one woman in Peoria, IL who was attending a party specifically to watch the commercials for The Masked Singer in order to get clues prior to the weekly Hollywood competition. "You'd think they could stop cutting to the dumb football game for at least a few minutes, but sure enough, it seems like every minute or so it's right back to those talentless morons on the field." Sources confirmed FOX would remain on the football game, despite overwhelming disinterest, for minutes at a time before going back to the commercials. "If they keep this up, I'm just not gonna tune in next week," lamented one viewer. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground BU Projects Badgers to Run the Table After cursory analysis and research, we at the Badger Underground can unequivocally say that Bucky will not lose any regular season games. How did we reach this auspicious conclusion? Well, we cracked a 6’er of Spotted Cow and fired up a Zoom call with some of the biggest Badger experts in our contacts list. After one day of practice, it is not too hard to figure out how things will go. These are what we see as very good signs on offense (defense next week!)... OL- Just when we were worried about a drop off from a regular badass performance in 2019, we just learned that everyone’s favorite red mullet is returning. John Dietzen is back in action baby, returning to the team after retiring from football in February. QB- Mertz! Mark our words, the much ballyhooed redshirt freshman from Kansas will be our new starter. RB – Remember 2017 when New Jersey freshman Jonathan Taylor burst onto the scene? Bucky went undefeated. Look for much the same with New Jersey Freshman Jalen Berger! WR – With the departure of Cephus, Cruickshank, and Tayler, we are hanging our hat on the trifecta of 3 star recruits led by cool name leader Chimere Dike. TE – Ferguson will be solid again and will be supported by cool name runner up Cam Large (another 3 star recruit). No Ohio State and no Penn State on the schedule. Road game at Michigan in front of no fans or a stadium 25% full? No problem. See you October 24th! We look forward to watching revenge-minded Bucky Jumping Around all over the Fighting Ill in the opener. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The Packers are a 3.5-point Dog to Nawlins according to Vegas. Wow. Really? Well, let’s break it down. The Saints were established as an NFL Expansion Team in 1966 and started League play in 1967. Overall the Packers lead the series 16-9-0 by an average score of 28-24 (see table below), dating back to their first meeting on Nov. 17th, 1968. Most’a youse yung’uns think of the Saints as a good team, and they have been since Sean Payton took over in 2006. Payton and the Saints have a 62% winning mark and won the 2009 Super Bowl. But let’s just say that before 2006, they “struggled”. From inception thru 2005 the “Aints” only won 40% of their games. In the Sean Payton/Drew Brews/Aaron Rodgers era the two teams have played 5 times with 2 of those games in NOLA (’08 & ’14). The Aints won both of those by an average score of 48-26, but this week will be different! It’s early in the 2020 Season, but both teams are mirroring each other. Both have good Offense (#1 & #6 respectively) and both have crappy Defense (#21 & #23 respectively) So far in 2020 the Packers have a net 14.5-pt/gm advantage, but obviously there is more to consider than just that. Another factor is the crowd. Normally the noise is beyond OHSA limits, but this year the Aints have copied the Packers and are not allowing fans for the first few games. However, there are reports emerging this week that they will be allowing 750 “family members” of players, coaches and staff into the Dome. Let’s say that doesn’t matter, so we’re still in a Neutral-Field situation. {WTF, how do you come up with a number like 750? Why not 785 or 207 or 3-19? Let’s hope one of A-Rods’ calls this week is “750”, something like “New York Bozo”} Normally Vegas gives the home team 2-3 points, so let’s give them the 2-point normal home advantage, plus another 3 points for the Brees/Payton/750-“fans” hex on the Packers in the Dome. They have beaten the Brady-Bucs and lost to the Chucky-Rayda’s; so let’s call strength-of-schedule for Aints even with the Pack. Net all of that out and the Packers should still be something like 9 or 10-point favorites this weekend (see chart above). Moving on to the players… Yes Billy, they have Alvin Camaro at running back, but he is ranked #7 in total yards from scrimmage behind the guy below at #1. Our rushing attack is #1 at 208.5 yds/gm vs. NOLA at #27 and 3.7 yds/carry. Yes Billy, I heard you, they have a good running back. But our RB is truly a RB/WR combination that Rodgers is raving about: “That was a pretty spectacular catch, him high-pointing that, and it was tight coverage”. Jones has made 19 of his 54 catches in 2019/20 after having lined up in the slot or out-wide. Not buying that, want another motivator for Jones to “beat Camaro”? Camaro has a new contract and A Jones is still looking for one… We also have Jamaal Williams averaging 5.6 yards/carry and the “Rookie-Hammer”. AJ Dillion has only had 7 carries so far, but he’s averaging 4.4 yds/carry. More importantly, they’ve all been tough carries where the defense knows he’s getting the ball and he’s still getting yards. Here’s hoping he gets 7 or 8 more carries in Nawlins. The Aints have the #4 rushing defense (3.3 yds/carry), but our trio will bust up that average. Eliminate the Drops & Trust AR…and we would have hung 50 points on Detroit. Of course the main weapon we have is none other than Aaron Rodgers. We easily could have had more points in both of the games this year, four more right here. The Lions were showing heavy blitz, A-Rod read the blitz and had a hot read for Bobby Tonyan – TD! Alas, no. Petite Fleur called a timeout right before the snap and killed the play because he wasn’t sure that Rodgers knew what he was doing. Oh how Coach wishes they had Rodgers mic’d-up for that play. He was 18 of 30 passing for 240 yards and 2 TD’s against the Lions. According to LaFleur’s count, there were 6 dropped passes, at least one of which would have been another TD (another 7 points instead of 3). That’s right, 8 more points if we simply catch the ball and don’t have the Coach call timeout. Even with Davante Adams potentially sitting this one out, we have an advantage overall on Offense. All of that stuff is interesting Coach, but what is the real story of this game? Oh, oh, so right Billy, there are two more keys to this game. Reason Number 2: Much has been made about NOLA QB Drew Brees and his loss of arm strength. While it is true that the 57-year-old Brees isn’t throwing the ball much past the line-of-scrimmage this year. He is averaging 6.9 yds/pass-attempt vs. A-Rods’ 8.2 yds/att, which has led to lots of speculation this week of him having “hit the wall” or he’s “lost his arm.” Don’t be so sure! Let’s wait ‘til after the game to declare that. If he has “lost it,” that will be a big factor in whether or not they can be the scoring machine the normally are in the Dome. But a weak arm is not the problem. You see, Coach has very deeply “collaborated” with Vicki Vallencourt and Coach has uncovered the real issue … the dreaded dementia. Vicki went undercover with Brees’ family and unearthed this video of him (Click on Link) at a recent Purdue WaterHeaterFabricators reunion showing his class-mates how he almost beat Wisconsin back in ’98. Apparently Brees spent most of the evening explaining to anyone who would listen that “he can still do it.” At last report Brees is spending most of his time with Momma. She is purportedly not in favor of Drew playing the Pack this week, said she: “No son of mine is gonna play any fools-ball!” Reason Number 1: The game is on NBC and we won’t have to listen to the flipping incompetent idiot Greg Jennings for a 3rd week in a row. Coach is just sick of hearing this Western Michigan educated media kiss-ass. When not being paid in front of a mic he had nothing good to say about Green Bay or Rodgers after he defected to the Queens, but now he babbles on incoherently throwing glowing praise on both as he whores himself out for a self-respectless TV paycheck. Give me Joe Buck and Troy Aikman any day over this idiot. Go mortgage the house and put it all on the Pack to not only cover the spread, but to win convincingly. Packers 38 Saints 31 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them One of the best things about having a storied franchise like the Green Bay Packers, is that you run across some great player names from days gone by. Like this week’s honoree, Charles “Buckets” Goldenberg. Born in Odessa, Ukraine, Russian Empire (before the Bolshevik Revolution and USSR), Buckets immigrated with his parents to Milwaukee in 1915. Buckets’ name was a play on “buttocks” because his rectum was so large it actually caved in most of his posterior cheeks. Young Buckets was a star running back for the University of Wisconsin until his senior season, when he was dropped from the team for cutting classes. The next year he became a fullback with the Packers in 1933. He burst onto the professional football scene, leading the NFL in TD’s his rookie year, with 7. However, that was Clark Hinkle’s position so Buckets turned into an explosive blocker on the offensive side of the ball in order to garner more playing time, and he arguably had an even greater impact on defense (yep, he played all 60 minutes). One of Goldenberg's most effective tactics was shooting through opposing offensive lines and making tackles in the backfield before plays had a chance to develop. Buckets is credited with causing the original Draw Play by consistently being in Sid Luckman’s face on passing downs – forcing a hand off. For reference, Sid Luckman is a Hall of Fame quarterback. In fact, he was the last decent quarterback the Bears had. Luckman retired in 1950. Not one to take it easy, Buckets was a professional wrestler during the offseason. He made the circuit around the upper Midwest before the advent of sportstelevision; something, for example, The Rock was able to take advantage of when his football career flamed out. Goldenberg played 13 seasons for the Packers, a span surpassed by only one other lineman in team history, Forrest Gregg (R.I.P.). Goldenberg also played on three Packers championship teams in 1936, '39 and '44. He was inducted into the Packers Hall of Fame in 1972, when he famously addressed the crowd saying “I’ll always be a Packer, and the Bears will always suck!” …a locution paraphrased by Packers fans around the world still today! Buckets Goldenberg died in 1986, too young, at the age of 75. So today, Buckets, we salute you! Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Milwaukee fans secretly have been preparing the Packers for China Virus for 25 years… Much hubbub has been made about empty stadiums negatively affecting the so-called “home field advantage.” Maybe there’s something to that notion, considering the Packers put up 43 on the road against the Vikings, where they historically have not played well. The volume of the hometown crowd typically makes it difficult for visiting offensive linemen to adjust their blocking assignments with efficacy at the line of scrimmage. So ponder this: with the absence of Minnesota crowd noise, the Packers were able to achieve the highest O-line ranking across the entire NFL in Week 1, despite losing 2 starters and playing a rookie (John Runyan) for 15 snaps. So how does that help them this week at Lambeau, where the visiting Lions are apt to enjoy the same decibel-leveling of the playing field? That’s where our Gold Package brethren have earned their keep. You see, when the Packers left Milwaukee County Stadium for good in 1995 (prior to that the Packers played 3 “home” games there each season), Bob Harlan threw our southern city slickers a bone by giving those season ticket holders access to 2 regular season games and 1 preseason game in Green Bay. This Milwaukee Season Ticket holder package was renamed the “Gold Package” (whereas “Green Package” ticket holders got 1 preseason game and 6 regular season games at Lambeau). Since then, Gold Package games (a.k.a. “Milwaukee games”) have notoriously been marked by quiet crowds, or bassackward fans cheering loudly while the Packers are on Offense and sitting on their mittens while the D takes the field. This bizarro world of fandom, which quarterback Aaron Rodgers has repeatedly criticized publicly, has actually prepared the team for wild success during our most recent pandemic. Note that no newsprint articles were found regarding the effects of the last pandemic, the Spanish Flu, on Green Bay Packers fan attendance, as it was becoming “old news” in Brown County by fall of 1919 after already claiming 675,000 American lives since first being detected in U.S. military personnel in the spring of 1918, but I digress… To honor their foresight and resultant contributions toward the success of the team this season, Packers President and Chief Executive Lawyer Mark Murphy has declared that all 2020 regular season home games are now Gold Package games! (Of course, to keep things fair, in the following 3 seasons Green Package ticket holders will then get the Gold Package ticket holders' games.) So congratulations to Milwaukee fans for getting both Green and Gold ticket packages this year! And who could blame Murphy for such a magnanimous gesture? After all, having no fans in the stadium has been well represented by Gold Package ticket holders for 25 years. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Wow! Whadda game! Let’s not get too excited after one week, but it certainly was a great way to start the 2020 Season. The final was 43-34, but this game was over at half-time with Packers leading 22-10. There were plenty of moments during the game where it was obvious both teams could have used a few Pre-Season Games, but the Packers generally looked much sharper than the Queens. By-the-way, Kirby Cousins is now 1-3-1 as a starter against the Packers. Coach is happy for him that he “got paid”. He doesn’t deserve it, but I’m glad to see the Queens tying up all that money in a mediocre QB. The Drive Chart from the 1st half is a sight to behold. The first two Packer drives were impressive, but only 3 points resulted. The 2nd Qtr was another story. The Defense stopped the Queens and handed the ball back to the Offense in great field position. The Packers simply played one of the best quarters of “complementary football” that they have played in several seasons. and outscored the Vikings 19-3. Game over at the half. Let’s take and step back and review what Coach said last week that they Packers had to do (in blue below): OFFSEASON To-Do List for Gooty/LaFleur…
Gooty got killed in the media for the 2020 draft, but if you look at the team after the cut-down to 53 the picture really makes sense. Let’s break down those predictions in reverse order. The Roster: O-Line – who could ask for more? Brian Bulaga left in Free Agency and was replaced by Detroit (and UW alum) Ricky Wagner. Presumed starters RG Billy Turner and RT Wagner were not-active for the game and not-starting-due-to-injury respectively. Their replacements, Lucas Patrick and Lane Taylor, both left the game with injuries and were replaced by rookie guard Jon Runyan and the injured Wagner. Bulaga was a loss for sure, but the O-Line looks like it has more depth than ever. That seems to be true even with the loss of Lane Taylor for the Season with an ACL tear (sorry Lane, very tough injury having just come off a lost-season-due-to-injury in 2019). Grade for Gooty: B+/A- Rookie Class – who could ask for more? Of course the standard refrain during the Offseason is that A-Rod needs receivers, and Coach knows that many of his loyal readers are frustrated that we took a QB in the 1st Rnd (go back and read the Draft Edition for why this was actually a very good idea). We’ll evaluate the Jordan Love pick in about three years … for now let’s consider that we actually had four (4) rookies play significant snaps during Wk 1 … and they all looked good! If this continues, the 2020 draft class could be one of the best in years. Coach has a few clips to show you to make the point: Rookie 2nd Rnd Draft Pick, RB AJ Dillion, got two carries for 14 yard and looked great on both of them. He’s a massive bowling ball and a RB they need in LaFleur’s wide-zone-run scheme of Offense. Rookie 3rd Rnd Draft Pick, TE Josiah Deguara, was all over the place, he had 7 ST snaps and 24 on Offense, including this nice 12-yard reception. Rookie 6th Rnd Draft Pick, G/C Jon Runyan, came in when Lane Taylor went out with his ACL injury in the 2nd half. The clip above is literally his 2nd play in the NFL and he looks like the real deal. Oh, by the way, his dad was a Pro-Bowl Tackle with the Eagles, was the highest paid NFL lineman at the time and was the last active player to have been drafted by the Houston Oilers. Oh, and he’s in the U.S. Congress now. Just sayin’. Rookie 5th Rnd Draft Pick, LB Kamal Martin, does not have a clip because he is on Injured Reserve (remember he can come back in 3 weeks). By all accounts he was having an outstanding rookie Training Camp and was going to start next to Christian Kirksey at ILB, but he hurt his knee and had it scoped. Let’s hope he’s off IR in a couple of weeks and plays as well as he seemed to be in Camp. “Herman, we got us a football player” Coach’s favorite player story this year is Undrafted Free Agent, LB Krys Barnes. With all of the secrecy protecting Training Camp, Krys was literally not on anyone’s radar. He played 30% of the snaps on D and 30% of the snaps on ST against the Vikings. Right out of the gate he was diagnosing plays and making a contribution … and don’t forget that he beat out the originally presumed starter Oren Burks. The oft injured and truly non-contributor was a 2018 3rd Rounder out of “Linebacker U”, Vanderbilt. The part that Coach really loves? The Pack hid him so well in Camp that they actually cut him during the Roster cut-down to 53 players and then immediately re-signed him to the active roster without another team poaching him (hello Taysom Hill). Any other notable off-season Veteran signings? Well yes son, there were. Coach mentioned OT Wagner above (60% of O-snaps, 25% of ST-snaps) and ILB Christian Kirksey (100% of D-snaps). Oh, by the way, Kirksey led the team with 12 tackles and usually looked like he knew what he was doing (usually being the operative word, he made two major mistakes on Cousin’s scrambles). Another of Coach’s favorite Gooty-moves was with 1st year FA John Lovett. He was the “5th Tight End” in Camp and was Cut to get down to 53. He was then re-signed to the Practice Squad and subsequently activated for game day (remember you can promote 2 guys from the Practice Squad each week under the new rules.) Lovett played 55% of the ST snaps and one (1) on offense. This is a guy to keep an eye-on, he is a Princeton graduate and was a dual threat QB (he threw for 18 TD’s and 1,833 yards in 2018 at Princeton). Wide Receivers? In previous years we’ve had 6 or even 7 WR’s on the roster, this year they “only” kept 5 … and only dressed 4 of them for the game! Oh my Lord, can we play offense with only 4 WR’s? Let’s look at who was active on game day in the O skill position and the % of Offensive Snaps that they played (in parenthesis). TE/H-Back/FB – All TE’s active Robert Tonyan (62%) Marcedes Lewis (41%) Josiah Deguara (31%) Jace Sternberger (15%) John Lovett (1%) WR – 4 players active (ESB inactive) Davante Adams* (90%) Allen Lazard* (88%) MVS* (54%) Malik Taylor (1%) “*” means ran ball and ran pass patterns RB – All RB’s Active Aaron Jones* (54%) Jamaal Williams* (40%) Tyler Ervin* (18%) AJ Dillion (6%) QB – 2 players active (Jordan Love inactive) Aaron Rodgers (97%) Tim Boyle (3%) The Roster is constructed in the way that Matt LaFluer wanted it built, and his game day Roster reflected the same. Twenty-two players played at least one snap on Offense and 20 players played at least one snap on Defense … and all 48 active players that were dressed for the game played in the game!!! We’re only one-game into 2020, but you have to give Gooty his props, this was the perfect roster for Week-1 and it looks like we have depth. In a waaaaaay too early assessment of 2020, Coach is giving Gooty a preliminary grade of A/B for this year’s roster. Working our way backwards through “Gooty/LaFleur To-Do List” above: To-Do # 4 Improve Coverage and Return Teams – mmmm … Incomplete is the grade for now. We only punted once and it was not returned. Kickoffs? Two were returned for and average of 32 yds/return. We had one punt return for Zero yards and one KO return for 18 yards. Overall we did not do well on coverage or returns, but they did not impact the outcome of the game. Stay tuned on this one. To-Do #3 Beef up the Defense --- Grade C We shut them down on all three Viqueens series in the 2nd Qtr and had huge game changing plays that lead to points for us. (The yellow rows in the drive chart at the top). Dalvin Cook was held to 50 yds on 12 carries, which was great, “but”! Overall they averaged 6.1 yds/carry and Cousins had a passer rating of 118.6. We had 41:16 TOP to their 18:44, but we still allowed 382 yards. Coach has (literally) over a dozen plays to show you of major defensive breakdowns, but we don’t have space or time to cover those! The Defensive story revolves around the three big plays in the 2nd Qtr that set the tone for the game: Safety, Sack and INT. Otherwise it was the our Offense who kept the ball and limited the Vikings TOP. Have we “fixed” the D? Can we stop the run? Who the hell knows? Right now it seems like we have talent, but the Coaching and the Scheme are suspect. Coach will get back to you in a few weeks on this question!! To-Do #2 & #1 – Improve the run game and get AR to play the Scheme --- Grade A The skeptics can point to the fact that the Queens had a bunch of new players on D and they have seriously handicapped themselves by hiring Dom Capers as a Defensive Consultant (WTF does that even mean?). However, Coach points out that Viqueens Coach Zimmerwoman has, or at least had, the Defensive Kryptonite that has befuddled Rodgers all the way back to the time that he was the DC for the Ohio Bungles. This no longer seems to be the case! Last year the criticism was that AR had “lost it”, and maybe so. But have a look at this 45 yard bomb to Marquez Valdes-Scantling. MVS has wheels and AR completes the pass almost perfectly in stride (maybe slightly behind). Yes, very clearly Rodgers is all washed-up as an NFL QB. There are a number of ways to evaluate a QB, Quarterback Rating (QBR) being one of the more popular methods (the one you, the avid reader, are used to is the “Passer Rating” which has a max of 158.3). The QBR was introduced by ESPN in 2011 and is meant to be more comprehensive than Passer Rating. It takes into account all of the QB’s play and heavily discounts garbage time stats (look it up if you have an afternoon to waste). For our purposes here, it’s a 0-100 scale and higher is better. AR’s QBR for the Vikings game was 90.5, which is an outstanding. For his career he’s only had 21 games over 90 (last week included). He’s never had an opening day QBR >90, but he came close with an 89.4 vs. the Queens in his 1st game as the fulltime starting QB in 2008. By pretty much any measure it’s clear that AR has been playing at a lower level over the last several years. In the chart below you can see that he only had one game over 90 QBR since the 2016 Season (which was his lights-out game against the Raiders last year). Rodgers clearly had an outstanding all-around game against the Vikings last week. In addition to many passes like the one to MVS above, he was on-fire with his classic hard-count. He had several hard-count induced offsides calls. You don’t think he was listening to all the criticism this offseason? You don’t think that all the talk about Jordan Love didn’t bother him? Clearly Rodgers has been working very hard on learning and trying to play LaFleur’s Offensive system. One tangible measure was that the ball came out on pass plays in 2.3 seconds vs. his 2.9 seconds average over the last few years (compare to the league average of 2.5 seconds). Want another indicator? According to PFF, the Packers receivers only had 3.1 yards of separation from defenders while Rodgers was busy completing 72% of his passes. Last year he averaged 3.7 yards of separation. Translation? He threw it more accurately into tighter windows than he has the last few years. If he keeps playing like this, he will need to make space for another MVP trophy! You don’t think all the “they were the worst 13-3 team ever in 2019” comments bugged Rodgers? There was almost none of the run-around-behind-the-line-of-scrimmage and look for receivers. The ball was coming out on-time and it looked like he was only going with the small set of variations within any play call. The Pack controlled the ball for almost 14 minutes out of the first 18 minutes, but were trailing 7-3. Facing 4th & 1 at the Vikings 38 AR went for the QB sneak. You don’t think this meant something to him? Look at the emotion after the play. It’s a little bit hard to see, but Aaron jumps up and gives his teammates the Championship Belt move. It’s not given to the “TV crowd” nor is it a taunt to the Vikings. It’s a little bit subtle, but it’s there! He’s going nuts with his teammates. Watch the clip a couple of times. Look out NFL … Rodgers is on fire. A lot has been said and written about Rodgers during the offseason. He’s talked about finding things on film that he used to do that he’s gotten away from. He’s talked about his training regimen and how he’s working on his legs and ass more now than ever (all great QB’s say the legs go before the arm). He’s also talked about finding balance on the field and in his personal life. All that stuff is nice enough and probably true to some degree, but Coach has done the research and he knows what’s really going on… Olivia Munn was directly responsible for the draining of Aaron Rodger’s vital essence and was a proximate cause for his dramatic decline. Fortunately, AR cut her during the 2017/2018 offseason. Unfortunately, in a completely idiotic move, AR replaced Munn with known Bears fan and cougar, Danica Patrick. She connected IV tubes and further drained his essence … as his average QBR slipped to the lowest of his career. Fortunately for all, AR traded her in for a more vital option during the 2019/2020 offseason. Shailene appears to have the right sort of “personality” to keep AR focused on football. 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In an independent head-to-head marketing comparison, 4 out of 5 women surveyed said she prefers a new Tungin Cider to more familiar Peterson Cider. Due to highly anticipated demand, Egremont will limit the distribution spread of Tungin Cider and it will only be available in 4-play offerings, so if you get the chance be sure to stock up on them lickety split! Once she’s had a Tungin Cider, she’ll always ask for that first! WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Matt Patricia Warns Lions Fans Not To Overreact To Another Loss PONTIAC, MI–Asking for patience so his team has time to develop and cohere, Detroit Lions head coach Matt Patricia warned Monday that fans should not overreact too much to the last 63 years of the franchise. “I know that we’ve been kind of slow to come around the past 6 decades, but it takes time to build a winning culture,” said Patricia, who claimed that despite the desire of fans to see the team win right now, it could take up to 150 years to turn around the Lions franchise. “You can’t judge this team and give all these hot takes based on one little century, that’s not how football works. I know these armchair quarterbacks are gonna attack me if we look bad this next decade, but that is just short-sided thinking, and I’m in this for the long haul. We’ve got some promising young guys on this squad and I guarantee they will still be alive to see us lift the Lombardi trophy by the 2080’s.” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Chicago Man Says He Thinks He Accidentally Slept with His Girlfriend's Brother and Now He Seriously Needs the Internet to Weigh In CHICAGO—A 26-year-old local man is saying he thinks he accidentally slept with his 27-year-old girlfriend’s fraternal twin brother… …And now he seriously needs the internet to weigh in on what happened. “Okay, I’m worried I’m being paranoid here but I can’t shake the feeling something is off,” he started out by explaining. “I met my girlfriend Marci at a Benihana’s a few months ago through mutual friends. We hit it off instantly and we’ve been dating seriously now.” “I knew Marci had a twin (Lucas) as she introduced me to him very early on. The two of them are very close.” “Marci is definitely the more outgoing of the two.” “Lucas has always acted a lot quieter to me. In our circle of friends, Marci has always been the one in the spotlight while Lucas tags along.” “I’ve asked Marci before about Lucas and she told me that he’s shy and didn’t have many friends growing up outside of Marci.” “It makes sense since he really seems to struggle to talk to people and it took months for him to say more than a few sentences to me.” “A few weeks ago we were out at a bar for a friend’s birthday. Marci and I were there so of course, Lucas was too.” “I’m not a big drinker usually but I ended up being bought quite a few cocktails that night, so that might be where the confusion is coming in.” Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Big Ten Football is Back! Or, well maybe. The 8-game schedule will begin Oct 23-24, followed by the conference championship game on December 19th. Also, on December 19th, the 2nd through 7th place finishers from the East and West division winners will play each other in a sort of consolation bowl tourney which is sure to garner high enthusiasm. We cannot wait to see that 7 versus 7 game, and neither can all those Northwestern and Rutgers fans. Each team must maintain a Covid positivity rate at or below 5%. Exceeding 5%, a team must stop regular practice and competition for a minimum of 7 days and reassess metrics until improved. The Big Ten Conference will use data provided by each team’s Chief Infection Officer. Individual players who test positive cannot play for 21 days. Below is a roster of top-ranked team Chief Infection Officers: It looks like a stacked deck against Bucky, coupled with the deliberate pursuit by LSU and other SEC teams to achieve herd immunity beginning early this summer. The whole plan looks like a caper ripe for shenanigans; that is, business as usual. Play ball B1G. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game What do you call it when a stoppable object meets a moveable force? What do you call it when incompetence meets ineptitude? What do you call it when the Lions host the Bears in their 180th meeting? I guess it could have been a tie on the scoreboard, it certainly was a race to mediocrity last week on Ford’s Fields in Detroit. Coach Patty Patricia’s record is now 9-23-1 in what is her 3rd and final season in Detroit. Coach puts the over/under and Patty’s firing at 5:30 CST on Sunday, December 13th, 2020. That would be roughly 2 hours after they lose their second game to the Packers in 2020. She has managed to finish last in the NFC Norris Division for 2 years running, here’s betting that she will be well on her way to a third straight when she is fired. It may be a new season and a new Detroit Lions, but the end result looked awfully familiar. The Lions jumped out to a big 23-6 lead, but blew it all in the fourth quarter, dropping the season opener to the Bears 27-23. The Lions made a lot of familiar mistakes and it resulted in another rough start to the season. Here’s how it happened. The Bears were typical, as displayed above by Jay Turdbisquit missing his receiver on a makeable 4th down 1st Qtr. The Lions actually looked competent at times and rookie Wisconsin receiver (and part-time ladies man) Quintez Cehpus had his first NFL catch during their first scoring drive. The two teams battled back-and-forth, with the field literally littered with CFL-level/NFL-Europe-level talent… …Corduroy Patterson (ex. Viqueens), Jimmy Graham and Adrian Peterson all doling out the discipline for the Bears… … and similarly-oriented morons like Lions LB Jamie Collins begging for, and earning, the first ejection of the 2020 NFL Season. The Bears sucked more than the Lions for most of the game and the Lions held a 23-6 lead until the end of the 3rd Quarter. The Bears went off for 21 4th Qtr points and took a 27-23 lead with 1:54 left in the game. Amazingly the Lions came roaring back down the field and had the ball 1st & 10 at the Bears 16, with 28 seconds to go. After a clock-stopping Stafford spike, the Lions were poised to actually come back and win the game … except … well, they are the Lions and D’Andre Swift dropped the game winning touchdown. Here's what coach Patty had to say (Click On Link)... Matt Patricia Post-Game Interview So how does the Pack vs. Kitty Kats matchup look for this Sunday? Coach has reviewed every minute of both games against the Lions last year. We won both, but we did not look good. The most accurate summary is that we just did not show up. We did not play well and we made stupid mistake after stupid mistake on both sides of the ball. The Lions relied on every trick play in the book and we fell for many of them. Stafford wasn’t even playing in the 2nd game and we gave up a pass to the Lions back-up QB, David Blog. The pass back to him was his first-ever touchdown at any level of football. Let that sink in… Despite a myriad of mistakes, superior talent won out. You remember now, dontcha? We did not lead for one (1) second of 120 minutes of two NFL Football Games, yet we won both! The Lions are going to try to run Convicted-Child-Abuser-Peterson at us, and he’ll get some yards on the ground, but it ain't gonna matter. Of course it will be a typically tough Divisional game, but the Pack will come out on top… … the Pack will pound the rock this week against Detroit with Jim Taylor and Bart will fling the ball all over the yard and he will have another QBR over 90. The Packers will win the 182nd meeting of the two teams and extend the all-time series lead to 103–72–7. We have been so dominant in this series that we “won” 6 decades and “tied” once in the 9 decade-old series. Coach interviewed Lions QB Matt Stafford to get his perspective on the game. Replied Stafford: “HTF should I know, we find more ways to lose games than any team in NFL history, we suck. The Packers are just gonna kill us next week. The Packers will score way more points than their series-average 21-18 win.” Let’s just say that Stafford is obviously smarter than he looks. Packers 31 Kitty Kats 24 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Well, not every former Packer turns out to be someone you can be proud of. In case you missed it, a former Packers player was arrested Wednesday after allegedly staging a fake “hate crime” by damaging property and painting racial slurs at his local business in Georgia. Gwinnett County Police say Heywood Jablomey, a backup cornerback for Green Bay in the strike-shortened 1982 season (who never played a single NFL down), created a “premeditated plan” to get money from his insurance company. “It appears as though Heywood conjured a premeditated plan to damage his own property, attempt to make it appear as a hate crime, file a claim with his insurance company and sell off the undamaged appliances and electronics,” police said in a statement. Photos from law enforcement appear to show racial slurs, a swastika and “MAGA” spray painted in different parts of the establishment. Jablomey, 61, was served a court order charging him with a false report of a crime, insurance fraud and concealing a license plate and has since been released from jail on bond. According to the detailed statement by police, officers responded to a report of a burglary on Tuesday at the Create and Bake Restaurant and Jablomey’s Creamery. The person who reported the burglary said someone was damaging the businesses, according to the statement, and that the suspect was driving a black Chevrolet Silverado with no license plate.
The statement said officers arrived in the area and found the truck leaving the shopping center, realized the driver was Jablomey and later learned that he was the owner of the businesses. Jablomey told police that he noticed that equipment was missing and damaged earlier in the day and did not call 911 but did call his insurance company to report the incident. According to the county’s statement, officers and the lead detective learned during the course of their investigation that the damage to the business did not occur earlier in the day, refuting Jablomey’s statement. Inside the businesses, “the smell of the spray paint was very fresh” and the black paint “appeared wet” when officers touched it, police said. The statement also details that police found “cut wires,” vandalized upholstery and a “damaged video surveillance system.” They also claimed to find pry marks on the business’ back door. The county’s statement said law enforcement searched the truck on Wednesday and found a yellow crow bar and cans of black spray paint. Duh. Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Now is the perfect time to build that Packers Man Cave you’ve been putting off… “Honey, I hafta bildit cuz we kant goah tooda games dis yeer - en so, fellas?” Look, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know about justifying the investment – it’s a no brainer this year; so I just thought I’d offer you some pointers when you start hanging dry wall in your basement…
Good luck, fellas! “Yooz gize got brats, er no?” Create A Seal Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme OK kids, buckle-up, we gotta another NFL Season in the windshield and we’re ready to go. If you jump back an episode to just before the draft, we were getting ready to throttle the Niners in the NFC Championship Game. Well…guess it didn’t turn out how we liked. The Niners lit-up the 14-3 Packers and exposed issues that had been there all season.
The game was over at 9:17 in the 2nd Quarter. Both Teams had 3 Drives at that point, the score was 17-0 and the body language revealed that the Pack had quit. Eventually it reached 27-0 before we scored at 8:49 in the 3rd Qtr. Rodgers, LaFleur and Poutine “won” garbage time 20-10 … yippee … we “only” lost 37-20. Let’s have a closer look at the beginning of the game. Drive #1 – SF ran 3X for 9 yds, go 3-&-out Drive #2 – Pack ran 2x, passed 3x, go 5-&-out So far, about what you’d expect in a heavy-weight bout, both teams feeling out each other. Drive #3 – SF ran 6 plays for 89 yds – TD Run 3x for 47 yds Pass 3x for 42 yds Observation: Packers D Confused The TD was scored on 3rd & 8 on the Packers 36. This is an obvious passing down, right? Well, just like George Washington and American Rebels didn’t line-up in pretty lines like they were “supposed to”, the Niners exploited the Pass-D formation, and an overly aggressive pass rush, for a 36-yd TD. The kicker is that the Niners ran an age-old trap-play that is a staple of every HS football program. Any HS coach in Wisconsin would be happy to teach the play, and how to defend it, to D-Coordinator Poutine. We had two basic issues on the play.
On the right side of the D-line Smith goes up-field and takes himself out of the play. Fackerell is also trying to go up-field, but is pushed to the ground by the Niners LG and then both are sealed off by the Niners RG who traps them and seals them off (black line on right side) On the left side, Martinez, Clark and Z Smith all rush to their left while the Niners LG and LT both come across and block-down on them (the black line on left side). Go back and watch the GIF loop a couple of times and it will make you sick. The Niners obviously studied our defensive tendencies and stuck it to us. But it gets better! Drive # 4 – Pack, 3 plays for -6 yds, which ended on a 12-yd sack. Not to be outdone by the O & D, coverage boys on Special Teams Coach Meningitis punt team allowed a 26 yd return to mid-filed on JK Scott’s 48-yd punt. Drive #5 – SF – Packers D only allowed 4 plays, but a 15-yd roughing-the-passer call on Clark got SF in FG range. 10-0 Niners. Drive #6 – Pack – started on 25 yd-line, 3 plays for minus 11-yds to the 14 (including a sack-fumble to the 14), then JK Scott shanked a 23-yd punt. Drive #7 – SF – 6 plays, 37 yards, TD. Take a look at the top of the GIF, the Niners left side of the line. Packers #51 is Fackerell and he is the only person on the right side of the D. He has “outside contain”, no one is supposed to get outside of him. Instead of doing his job, he bites on the run-fake up the middle, Mostert reads it, and bounces around left end for an easy TD. No wonder nobody tried very hard to re-sign Fackerell (he went to the Giants with let’s-tackle-the-guy-5-yards-down-field-Martinez during the offseason). Again, Poutine’s scheme was an issue (nobody on that side of the formation) and then Fackerell-f’-it-up (say that three times fast). At that point the game was over boys, the game was over. The Niners ran 42 times and only attempted 8 passes. Apparently they missed the new conference where Poutine famously proclaimed that it is “easier to get to Miami (the Super Bowl) in the air than by ground”. Poutine’s formula was exposed during Week 4 of the 2019 Regular Season when the Eagles beat the Pack on Thursday-Night-Nobody-is-watching-FB 34-27. The Eagles ran 33 times for 176 yards that night and then were 16 of 27 passing for 160 yards. So let’s go to the chalk board and see what the Pack had to look at when evaluating the Season. The chart below has a lot of information, so Coach will highlight a few items. The Good – turnovers and Mason Crosby We ranked #2 in giveaways, #8 in takeaways and #7 overall in turnover differential. We ranked #5 and #7 respectively in FG and XP %, thank goodness we have Mason Crosby. Scoring Defense we ranked #9 The Average – net Points differential #13 The Bad Tied for #32 with zero points scored on non-offensive plays. We had Zero (0) points from kick returns, fumble recoveries and interceptions. All rushing statistics were in the bottom 3rd of the NFL. All punt and kickoff return stats were in the bottom 3rd of the NFL. 14-4 was nice, and everyone received a participation trophy, but we never passed the eye-ball test. This, my friends, is why the Offseason Experts are so down on the Pack. But there is good news!! For the year the Offense was #23 overall in scoring, but we averaged 32.5 points/game during the four weeks that Davante Adams was out. This would have been #2 for the year. As the famous philosopher Townie said, “You can do it.” Those 4 weeks we ran the ball more, Rodgers ran the play that was called and he got the ball out on time. The Defense was average, but we scored enough points to dominate. Let’s hope they got this one figured out during the Offseason. OFFSEASON To-Do List for Gooty/LaFleur
Gooty got killed in the media for the 2020 draft, but if you look at the team after the cut-down to 53 the picture really makes sense. This year we only “lost” one player, Brian Bulaga. Coach wishes him well, but with his age, salary cap hit and his injury history, Gooty really had no choice but to let him go. Sorry. Addition by subtraction: Jimmy Graham…hallelujah, we should win at least two more games because of him gone. Blake Martinez … really nice guy, smart, stayed healthy, led the NFL in tackles 5 yards downfied. We wish him will the the NYG. Fackerell … coach has never liked this guy … he was material contributor to both Niners TD’s above, goodbye and good riddance. Coach was sorry to see Whitewater Jesus go (Jake Kumerow), but that was a numbers issue on the overall roster and they could only keep 5 WR’s. Not really a loss in the big picture. Improving the Offense? The Offense will be fantastic, Rodgers has his mojo back and looked sharp in camp…he just has to follow the play-book! On Offense we picked up two players, “Legs” Dillion, the first 375 pound running back and Josiah Deguara a FB/TE/H-Back, both of whom should contribute a lot this year. The WR position will benefit from MVS finally getting beyond his injury and the yips and the emergence of Tyler Ervin last year (as a RB/Reciever/Returner). The other wild-card is Malik Taylor, who tore-it-up on the practice squad. Overall the offensive roster looks pretty decent. You’d like to have “A” players at every postion, but the salary cap doesn’t allow that. Lane Taylor re-signed with a team friendly deal and has played outstanding at RG in Camp. The only real question on Offense is Right-Tackle … if the Pack puts the “best 5” on the field, don’t be shocked if Lane Taylor plays RT the first few weeks and Luca Patrick plays RG. Another option for RT is to sign Jared Velheer off of his couch. Maybe he’ll be on the team after the Week 5 Bye, but for now it’s a toss-up between Billy Turner and former Badger/Det Lion Rick Wagner as the options at RT. Both are knicked-up and neither is great, but Marcedes Lewis will be on the field a lot any way and can help chip-block on the right side. Can we stop the run? The honest answer from Coach is, who the hell knows? Kenny Clark is a real star, but he is not surrounded by a lot of talent. Coach will get back to you in a few weeks on this question!! The biggest weakness on the roster is the center of the Defense. Montravious is a bust and Oren Burks is average at best when he’s healthy. Lowry had a dismal 2019 (see previous episodes) and Lancaster is a border-line NFL player, but both were reported to improve during the offseason because they had Zoom meetings. Really? The biggest question will be if we can get rookie Kamal Martin and Chirstian Kirksey to stay healthy. Kirksey was a great signing from Cleveland and has been a really good player in Camp and he seems healthy for now. Martin is starting the season on IR and it’s a little bit scary that a rookie 5th round draft pick is who people are excited about! Keke, Ramsey, Bolton and Galeai all had very strong Camps, let’s just hope they can cover for Oren Burks and Montravious Adams. When you look at the offseason in total, I think you have to give Gooty a solid B. The starting line-ups look solid with a lot of potential talent on the depth chart. Overall Roster? We have good, above average, talent with only a few holes on the roster. Most encouraging to Coach is that clearly Gooty is building the roster in a way that is more than just #12. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Here are some of the headlines you might have missed during training camp… Jordan Love Becomes First Packer to Wear Irrational Number Minneapolis Rioters Loot Store, Take Everything Except Cousins Jersey Sturgis Motorcycle Rally Surprisingly Linked to 20% of US Coronavirus Cases in August The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Kristin Cavallari divorcing ‘lazy’ Jay Cutler because he was ‘unmotivated’ Gatlinburg, TN–Kristin Cavallari is divorcing Jay Cutler in part because she was sick of the former NFL quarterback lying around the house. The “Hills” star married Cutler in 2013 when he was the play caller for the Chicago Bears, and she thought he was lined up for a demanding career as a sports broadcaster after he hung up his cleats. But sources say that after his broadcasting career faltered, the ever-ambitious Cavallari, who announced in late April that the pair were splitting, found him “unmotivated” and even “lazy” — while he found that he had a penchant for hanging around in sweat pants on their Tennessee farm. An unconfirmed reliable source says she was growing increasingly impatient with him. He was supposed to take a big job at Fox Sports 3 years ago and have a life after football that would get him up off the couch and do something. Instead, he backed out to ride the pine in Miami as an oft-injured has-been, and was left with no TV gig until she got a show for them, the E! network reality series “Very Cavallari.” The source added that Cavallari “views herself as very polished and put together, and [Cutler as] this lazy, unmotivated guy.” As of this writing, Cutler has recently forgone another attempt at a broadcasting career, denying modest offers from WGN and ESPN deportes. Cutler is still expected to make an appearance on another TV series soon, however, with Las Vegas odds slightly favoring My 600 Pound Life over Cops. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Entire Michigan Team To Boycott Season After Coach Seen In NCAA Shirt Ann Arbor, MI—Condemning the choice to promote such a blatantly bigoted organization, the entire Michigan football team announced their intention Tuesday to boycott the entire Spring season after Coach Jim Harbaugh was seen wearing an NCAA shirt. “The NCAA logo represents the very exploitation and racial injustice so many of us are fighting against, and it’s disgusting that coach Harbaugh would promote them,” said running back Hugh Johnson, who claimed every single player had vowed to take a stand and sit out the upcoming season unless Harbaugh changed the culture that would allow such a vile display of hatred. “We feel betrayed. With everything going on, it’s just unacceptable to not understand the oppression the NCAA stands for. We are working every day to bring about change in this world, and yet the person who leads us is so clueless that he goes and wears a shirt that might as well say, ‘I like racism.’ Until Coach Harbaugh can show he understands what the NCAA stands for, we will not be suiting up.” At press time, the team had also vowed not to resume play until University of Michigan disassociated itself from the state of Michigan. Despite intervention by President Trump and others to nudge the Big Ten toward playing games this fall, college football game-day fun will be taking place on campuses outside the Big Ten. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game As we start the 7th decade of play between the Pack and the Queens we will see the 120th meeting of the two teams. The Pack leads the series 62-54-3, with an average score of 22-19. A few more fun facts: the two teams have combined to win 14 of the 18 division titles since the NFC North was formed in 2002, including 10 of the past 12. We also swept them in 2019. Loyal readers of this space all know the story of our 13 NFL Championships and the zero, nada, doughnut Championship trophies in the Queens Trophy Case (do they even have a Trophy Case?). But did you know that we have “won” 4 of the 6 decades we’ve been playing? So what happened over in St. Paul this offseason? Coach wishes he could extend sympathy to the Vikings for their really tough time this Offseason… They gave QB Kirby Cousins a huge 2-year contract extension to try to reduce his 2020 Cap number and they gave big contracts to LB Anthony Barr and TE Kyle Rudolph. Deep in Cap-Trouble, they cleaned-house and executed three-quarters of their Defense! Vikings Defensive Losses in Free Agency: DE - Everson Griffen DE - Stephen Weatherly DT - Linval Joseph CB -Xavier Rhodes CB - Trae Waynes CB - Mackensie Alexander S - Andrew Sendejo S - Jayrn Kearse …and this week they also just lost star DE Danielle Hunter for IR (which means at least 3 weeks without playing). In an effort to bolster the D they signed: Ravens DT Michael Pierce, but he opted out of 2020 because of CV-19 – and -- Jacksonville malcontent DE Yannick Ngakoue. He seems to be an undersized-one-trick pony and is suspect against the run, we’ll see on Sunday. Likely he will be lined up against Bakhtiari. Overall the Vikings Defense is now loaded with average talent and over half of them are new to the team … and … they have Dom Capers as a Defensive Consultant!!! Can Zimmerman coach-em-all-up? Maybe, but not for Week 1. The Vikings did squat on Offense. They traded WR Stefon Diggs for a buncha future draft picks and let their former 1st round draft pick WR Laquon Treadwell go in Free Agency. So at the WR position they basically have Adam Thielen (who reminds us of Don Beebe), and Don Beebe’s kid(!) who just came off IR. While they drafted LSU’s Justin Jefferson at No. 22 overall, it will take him a while to figure out the NFL, so the Packers DB’s should be able to completely shut down this group. Queen’s QB Kissin Cousin’s is 1-2-1 as a starting QB against the Packers and with the lack of talent at WR they will have to be conservative in the passing game. With the lack of talent on D, Zimmer will want to control the clock and will try to run on 60% of snaps. The OL is average, but everyone was on the Vikings in 2019 so they will work together and we’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. The Vikings OC – Gary Kubiak – comes from the Mike Shanahan coaching tree, so you can bet their game plan will look like the Niner’s, but with less pre-snap motion and a lot less talent. Dalvin Cook will be featured and he’s the real deal at RB. Last year he broke off a 75-yard TD against the Packers which was the longest run of his career and the second-longest ever by a Queen against the Packers. The only other mild concern is that TE’s Kyle Rudolph and Irv Smith will be on the field a lot. They’ll be blocking for Cook and catching play action passes from Cousins. In an exclusive interview with Coach, Viqueens HC and Chief Etiquette Counselor, Mike Zimmerman, admitted that he was really nervous about the game, saying “Shit, they’re going to kick our asses.” Yup, stay classy Minneapolis, stay classy. It will be a typically tough Divisional game, but the Pack will come out on top… Packers 21 Queens 17 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Gerry (pronounced “Gary”) Ellis was drafted by the Los Angeles Rams in 1980 as they came off of a Super Bowl loss (then later became the St. Louis Rams and won a Super Bowl, before losing one there, too, and then later again becoming the Los Angeles Rams and losing another Super Bowl; actually, the NFL Rams originated in Cleveland and won a championship there in 1945, but I digress…), but he couldn’t crack their crowded backfield. The former University of Missouri Tiger and Computer Science major then blossomed as a Packer, excelling as both a rusher and a receiver. At 5’11”, 215-pounds, Ellis caught 267 passes and rushed for 3,826 yards over 7 seasons. He scored 35 touchdowns as a Packer from 1980-’86 and ranked in the team’s top 10 as both a rusher and receiver at the time. Not too shabby.
In June 1987, acting as a guest instructor at the Reggie McKenzie Football Camp for underprivileged youth, Gerry (again, that’s pronounced “Gary”) ruptured his Achilles’ tendon during a workout at Highland Park, Michigan with fellow instructor Harlan Huckleby, the former Packer halfback from Detroit. Alas, that gesture of kindness cost Ellis his career, which was a damn shame considering he just inked a 2-year deal a few weeks before the injury. After quickly coming to grips that his football days were over, Gerry (“Gary”) then relied on his Computer Science background and immediately went to work for online service provider CompuServe, and is widely recognized as the brains behind the digitized short films that prevail on the internet today. Gerry’s Graphics Interchange Format, or “GIF” (pronounced “Jiph”), has since come into extensive usage on the World Wide Web due to its wide support and portability between applications and operating systems (such as the jerky shorts often used to show replays on The Coach Clarahanson Show!!!). Again, not too shabby. So, Gerry Ellis, however you say it, we salute you! |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
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