Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: LaFleur’s press conferences are ripe for a holiday drinking game… When Coach was in college, one of the local TV stations played re-runs of the old Bob Newhart Show. Now, in case you haven’t seen it, that show featured humorist, Bob Newhart, as the main character. Try to stay with me here. A quirky aspect of the show was that whenever a guest came to visit Bob at his apartment, that visitor would walk in and say “Hi, Bob!” We weren’t the first group of guys to do this, but we would take a drink whenever “Hi, Bob!” was heard coming from the TV. For the most part, Bob never left his apartment, and every show was basically about visitors popping in to say hi. Ipso facto, we all got drunk and handed in our labs late. Along those lines, Coach has now compiled for you the most common words, phrases and themes repeatedly used by the Packers head coach, ensuring that The Matt LaFleur Press Conference Drinking Game will be the hit of your next holiday party! Just YouTube any Matt LaFleur press conference, and pull out the game board: WARNING: You will be absolutely hammered when the press conference is over. …at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme It’s time for a rest! It’s nice to get a week off after win over one of the NFC’s top teams and to have the Division Lead at 9-3. "We talked about emptying the tank and I think we're at a point where everybody's pretty exhausted," LaFleur said. "But it definitely feels good going into the bye week on a win." Unfortunately, Randal Cobb suffered a core muscle tear and he had to have surgery, hopefully he can get back in time for the playoffs. Asked for insight into the 2021 Season, Arlington Heights Staleys former TE Spike Ditka had this to say: Thru Game 12 Rodgers has done pretty well and is currently 2nd in the odds for 2021 MVP. Note here: we want a Super Bowl, Coach does not actually give a pile of feces if Erin gets a 4th MVP. Thru 12 games, the Pack are currently averaging 23.6 Pts/GM and are ranked 15th, well off the pace of last year. But, in the last two weeks, the Packers have nearly matched their league-leading scoring average of 31.8 points per game from last season. Even throwing out Rasul Douglas’ interception return for a touchdown against the Rams, the Packers’ offense has accounted for 61 points over the last two games. Rodgers believes the last two games, including Sunday’s 36-28 win over the Los Angeles Rams at Lambeau Field, should have been even more productive. “This should've been a 40-point game for us, like we felt last week [should have been],” Rodgers said after throwing for 307 yards and two touchdowns. “We're just not clicking in the red zone.” On Sunday, they converted only three of their five red zone trips into touchdowns. In last week’s 34-31 loss at the Minnesota Vikings, they were 2-for-3. This from a team that led the NFL and set a franchise record with an 80% touchdown rate inside the 20-yard line last season. “That's been kind of our bugaboo this season,” Rodgers said. “We had a couple opportunities with short fields on turnovers and only turned them into six points. That can't keep going.” Their 55.3% red zone touchdown rate likely will be one of coach Matt LaFleur’s areas of focus during this week’s bye. Rodgers is quietly improving as the 2021 Season rolls along. He’s second in the NFL with a 105.5 passer rating, and he’s in the top 10 in touchdown percentage, interception percentage and yards per attempt. Since that Week 1 debacle against the Saints, Rodgers has thrown 23 touchdowns vs. only two interceptions. In a spectacular insight, Packers Offensive Coordinator noted: “He’s really good. He’s really good.” Thanks, Coach Hackett, we didn’t know that. LaFleur and Rodgers did a great job of making the most of their opportunities against the star corner. Ramsey was targeted seven times, allowing a reception on every target for a combined 48 yards. Randall Cobb was also a huge factor in beating the Rams, he caught four passes for 95 yards and a TD in the first half. Unfortunately, he left the game at Half-Time with his core muscle injury. The win was great, but some of the recurring problems reared their ugly heads … let’s hope these got fixed over the Bye Week. Erin going Tin-Cup and not taking the 1st-Down. By Coach’s count, this is the 12th time this year that Erin has taken-and-missed deep shot instead of the short check-down pass for a 1st Down. Coach has also noticed this ignoring-of-the-1st-down-gimme as a stark difference between 12-Rodgers and 12-Brady. Just sayin. Amarone Rodgers is a liability on Punt Returns A key concept that Coach likes to emphasize is that you should stay on your feet when trying to return punts. A 2nd concept is that when we are playing at home, one of the things you can do in preparation for the game is to work with the equipment guys to get the correct length of spikes so that you don’t slip. Coach realizes that these are advanced concepts that a Rookie might have difficulty with, but we are ¾ of the way through the year now so really there are no more “Rookie” excuses at this point. Hoping to cover over the problems with Amarone, the Pack inserted the normally reliable Cobby, who promptly muffed a punt catch at 8:13 in the 2nd Qtr, giving the Rams the ball at the Packers 25. Facing 3rd & 3 at the 18, OBJ got a welcome-to-Lambeau on his first target and fortunately this Special Teams disaster was limited to 3 points. Place Kicking is a problem Crosby is struggling and obviously wants to give the kicker opportunities to build confidence (and get points). Give LaFleur credit … he caught himself in a potential mistake and pulled Crosby off the field rather than risk a missed 45-yard FG in the 1st Qtr. To this point, Special Teams is probably the biggest barrier to a 5th Lombardi in the trophy case. The Defense is good Rashan Gary is pretty damn good. Questions were raised about Gary being an underperformer in college and maybe Gutey was reaching for him as a 1st Rnd draft pick. This strip sack is just one more example of the great 2021 he’s having; too bad that Preston Smith didn’t get to the endzone, but this fumble was converted into a TD three plays later. Can this DL replicate the 2020 “1,000-pound line” of Ryan Pickett, B.J. Raji and Howard Green stuffing the run? Let’s hope so, but maybe they can be even better. The legend of Kenny Clark is building in the month of December. He has 73 tackles (12 for loss), 10 sacks and 14 quarterback hits in 20 December games. He might be the most well-rounded player at his position. Fingers Crossed that Jaire is back soon As well as the Defense is doing overall, there are still plenty of things to fix. The Packers have been one of the best in the NFL at eliminating big-play passes. Green Bay is 10th with 34 passes of 20-plus yards allowed. While that’s much better than recent years, the Packers gave up a season-worst seven vs. Minnesota. They gave up only three vs. the Rams, but two of those were for long touchdowns. Let’s hope Jaire Alexander is back on the field very soon. Same Ole Jay! Charles Woodson was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame and his name and number were added to the Packers Ring of Honor in Lambeau Field during a ceremony at Half-Time of the Rams game. In a fitting tribute to the Charles-Woodson/Jay-Cutler combo, Matthew Stafford threw a Pick-6 to 2021 Surprise Hero Rasul Douglas (aka Wood-Jr). The 33-yd TD return with 1:52 left in the 3rd Qtr. to put the Packers up 36-17 and was the dagger for the game. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Jags Rookie Coach Still Adjusting To Speed Of NFL Cover-Ups JACKSONVILLE, FL—Apologizing to Jaguars fans for his early failures in leading the team, Jacksonville coach Urban Liar admitted to reporters Tuesday that he is still adjusting to the speed of NFL cover-ups. “At the college level, these scandals take a lot longer to develop, and I’ll admit I just haven’t done the work to adjust my press strategy from Ohio State,” said Liar, who explained that he was often able to shut down a damaging story or sweep a player’s transgressions under the rug with a single phone call while running a college program. “The NFL media ecosystem is just more complex than college, so I can’t run with the same simple denials I used in the past. I’m dealing with grown adults now, and lots of people have their own ideas that I can’t just override by throwing them off the team or threatening to take away a scholarship. Jaguars fans deserve a better level of cover-up than I’ve been providing, and I’m committed to learning and getting better.” At press time, Liar had hired a former assistant from the Steelers so he could learn how they managed to sweep everything Ben Roethlisberger has done under the rug. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bisexual Player Ruins Support For Bears Fan Who Preferred Smoldering Homoerotic Undertones CHICAGO—Lamenting that the Bears standout’s good run had come to an end, local man Eugene Edgars told reporters Tuesday that Roquan Smith’s recent announcement of his bisexuality had “completely ruined it” for him as he preferred the linebacker’s smoldering homoerotic undertones. “Man, I miss it when Roquan’s sexual attraction to males was there just bubbling below the surface rather than this overblown crap kowtowing to the woke mob,” said Edgars, recounting that whether “Ro-Smith” was lusting after AJ Dillon, D'Andre Swift, or Adam Thielen, it was always way more exciting when he had to grapple with these all-consuming feelings of sexual desire knowing they could never be acted upon. “It’s sad we’re not going to have any more of those knowing glances between him and Dalvin Cook, or those moments when his hand accidentally brushes up against Aaron Rodgers. Now that he’s gone and spelled it all out, it definitely loses a lot of its mystery and excitement.” Edgars reportedly took solace in the fact that he still could support the entire Bulls starting roster. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Badgers Run Game Axed We have to give a little credit to the Gophers for showing up. They had a good defensive plan where they depended on their physical DB’s to take care of our lackluster WR’s. Mertz was exposed as the so-so QB he is. With the run game going nowhere, he threw more than usual and totally Mertz’ed it. As always, there were some close and questionable calls, but basically Minnie deserved to win after trailing in a first half grinder. Could Chryst have had a better offensive plan? Gee, what do you think? Chryst’s 3-page playbook made Pee-J look like Nick Saban. Paul could have opened things up with more outside runs and high percentage passes. The single biggest challenge for this offense is that it doesn't have a Cephus/Abbrederis/Evans/Chambers at WR. MN’s more physical DB’s abused our receivers just as their more physical receivers abused our DB’s. The Goof’s DL pushed around the Bucky OL and limited Braelon Allen to a paltry 47 yards, who was dinged up as usual. Our D was pretty solid and contributed a pick 6 by Nelson. However, Nebraska and Minnesota exposed the "pretend you're a blocker and then go out for a pass"; hole in the UW defense. You can't take away everything, so Leonhard has correctly assumed that most teams (not NEB or MN) will see how much pressure we put on and always keep that extra guy in. He knows our DB's can't cover for very long, so the idea of forcing the QB to make quick decisions seems like a wise one. The problem is immediate pressure doesn't faze a QB when he's 100% sure his safety valve TE/FB is uncovered. C’mon Jimmy! Make the adjustment in the Bowl! In the woulda, shoulda category, we at BU were licking our chops for a Michigan rematch. We shoulda beat the Goofs. With the Weasels trouncing the Bucknuts, Bucky woulda moved up nicely in the polls and gone to Indy with a massive chip on their shoulder. With a win at Indy, there of course woulda been no playoff for UW, but a top 6 bowl woulda been probable, maybe the Peach, Fiesta, or Sugar Bowls. Now Bucky has a crappy bowl game to look forward to with the Las Vegas Bowl on December 30 against the Arizona State Sun Devils who were also 8-4. Finally, we wish the worst to coaches who bail on their teams before their bowl games, especially good bowl games. Kelly’s exit was even worse than Bielema’s before the 2012 Rose Bowl. He let his team know by tweet (click on link) after the leaks were around for many days. Then he met face to face with the team for 2 minutes and left without questions (clink on links). Presented without comment: (You're welcome.) We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Sometimes intentional, other times ad lib, but Rodgers added a new all-time expression to the Packers history book this year. "R-E-L-A-X” In 2014, after the third straight 1-2 start and two days after a 19-7 loss at the Detroit Lions, Rodgers said: "Five letters here just for everybody out there in Packer-land: R-E-L-A-X," Rodgers said as he slowly read off the letters one by one. "Relax. We're going to be OK." The Packers lost only twice more in the regular season to finish 12-4 and reach the NFC Championship Game. "Run the table” In 2016, after a 4-6 start and on a four-game losing streak, he said they could “run the table”. Six straight regular season wins, plus two playoff wins, put them in the NFC Championship Game. "I still own you” This year when Rodgers beat the Arlington Heights Staleys for the fifth straight time, and the 22nd time in 27 starts Rodgers responded to the fat lady flipping him off the most memorable at all. Worried that he will motivate the Staleys? No. Why? They Suck. Said Packers running back Aaron Jones: "What can you say? He's right." Packers reject TE, and Staleys journeyman, Jimmy Graham didn't take offense to Aaron Rodgers' "I own you" comment, responding "We've just got to stop them." Rodgers doubled-down saying, "At some point, what I said will be used against me -- that's just part of it. But I have no regrets for saying what I said, and obviously I think the record kinda speaks for itself. But I get it. At some point that will be used against me. It is what it is. I don't regret saying it at all." But can the Staleys stop us? Hell no! The Staleys had their chance to show the NFL, their fans and themselves that they could right the ship and beat the NFC’s No. 1 seed last week at Soldiers Fields. Not only did they lose, they were completely destroyed by the Cardinals – having to swallow whatever jagged little pill came their way. The Bears Offense (table below) is currently ranked 30th in Pts/GM. We have been mediocre all year and are ranked 16th, even so, we have an almost 7 Pt/GM advantage over the Staleys. Our Defense has an almost 4 Pt/GM advantage over the Bears and we’re ranked 5th to the Bears 22nd ranking. Put together and we are averaging a 10.5 Pt/GM advantage over the Staleys. Throw in a couple of points for Home Field Advantage and the Packers have a 12.5-point advantage over the Arlington Heights Staleys. Guess what? We are 12.5-point favorites. That 12.5-point line is the largest of any Packers game this season, with the Lions game being the only other time we were double digit favorites. Green Bay leads the league in most wins against the spread and against the spread win percentage with a record of 10-2 when bet on this season. A couple of other fun notes. With J-Love out on Covid protocol, fan fave Kurt Benkert (or is it Ben Kertben?) was signed to the active roster. Needing a warm body to replace Benkert and to run the Scout Team, the Pack signed Danny Etling, a seventh-round draft pick by New England in 2018, to the practice squad. During his Pats rookie training camp, he was the No. 3 quarterback behind Brady and Brian Hoyer. While he didn’t do much through the air – he had a woeful 52.3 passer rating – he made one of the plays of the preseason with an 86-yard touchdown run. Not only can the Pack have fun with another beat down of the Staleys this week, we can clinch a Playoff Berth with: Packers win + Saints loss or tie + 49ers loss -or - Packers win + Saints loss or tie + Rams loss + 49ers tie All the Stats-n-Stuff are fun … but let’s get back to basics for a quick second. Why will we win? The Pack will cover the spread and send the Staleys back to Arlington Heights to start the search for a new GM and Head Coach (again). Coach will save this paragraph for next year’s December edition as well. Packers: 31 Staley’s: 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Even though the rest of our Special Teams suck the bag, Corkey “Bojo” Bojorquez has been a pretty decent replacement for good ol’ JK Scott, en so? So life goes on, but it wasn’t all that long ago when this week’s hero replaced an incumbent punter thought to be a Packers mainstay… ‘Twas the summer of 1991, a pivotal 4th year at the helm for head coach Lindy Infante, and he knew he had to shake things up or he’d be out the door. Being the wise sage that has was, Infante fired a shot across the bow of his entire mediocre squad by replacing their 6-year veteran punter Don Bracken (R.I.P.) with training camp circuit upstart Paul McJulien (aka “the cute one”), despite Bracken’s mediocre 39.7 yard average. Oh, how the locker room shook! McJulien was not only a 26-year old rookie, but he was a founding member of The Beetles, and he averaged a whopping 39.8 yards per punt over his 2-year span in Green Bay, which made him approximately 1-inch longer than Bracken (that’s what she said). But don’t feel too bad for Don Bracken; even though had to sit out all of the 1991 season, he was picked up by the Rams in 1992, the same year Ron Wolf took over personnel moves in Green Bay. Wolf had seen enough of McJulien’s thinly sliced punts throughout the 1992 season and replaced him in 1993 with the Packers last superstar ProBowl punter, Craig Hentrich. So where did Paul McJulien end up in 1993? You guessed it: he replaced Don Bracken (again) … in Los Angeles.
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …Mattel could turn Rodgers’ lame responses into a “Magic Alibi” 8-Ball. Sure, he’s a 3-time MVP and a master of on-the-field improvisation, but Aaron Rodgers is also a Hall of Fame-level alibi maker. Wouldn’t it be nice to take your excuse-making to All-Pro levels with an “Magic Alibi 8-Ball”? Just imagine being able to share an uncomfortable question or explain your predicament aloud, give the ball a shake and let Aaron Rodgers’ prepared responses take care of the rest. Consider the possibilities… Question: “Have you been vaccinated against the COVID-19 virus?” (note: you have not) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “I have been immunized.” (hey, you got a flu shot in 2018, so you’re technically not lying!) Question: “Do you still have the trust of your teammates?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “Hey, inside that locker room, is a team!” Question: “Were you disappointed that you did not get the Jeopardy host job?” (note: Yes, it completely ruined your “Demand a trade to LA for a dual career” Master Plan) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “I had a blast helping out the folks at Jeopardy, but I’m an immunized QB in the NFL”. Question: “Will you re-sign with the Packers or declare Free Agency?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “My family and I love this city and its fans” (if asked during the season). “Ownership disrespected me with their focus on long-term success” (if asked after the season). …and it could work for NFL owners, too! Question: “Are you considering firing the Head Coach after the Thanksgiving game?” (note: everyone knows that is the plan) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “Are we where we want to be right now? No. But there’s still a lot of ball left to be played.” Question: “Will the team’s payroll be slashed this off-season?” (note: It will.) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “We like the direction we are going.” …in fact, it could work for almost every situation! Question: “Did you read the memo I sent out over the weekend?” (note: Nope.) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “It’s clear that a whole lot of work went into this.” (hold document aloft). Question: “Do these jeans make me look fat?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “[blank triangle]” (pretending the question wasn’t asked is the first appropriate response) Question (again): “HELLO? I’m asking you if these jeans make me look fat?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “Are you kidding? Those jeans are not doing that.” Question: “Did you lose all our money on that gambling app?” (note: you just lost the house) Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “Ha, Ha – very funny. Of course, I didn’t” (there’s always the home equity to fall back on). Question: “Were you texting while driving when you hit that parked car?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “No!” (you were actually watching a girl in cut-off jean shorts bent over polishing the hood of her car). Question: “Is this opinion piece racist?” Magic Alibi 8-Ball: “I’m gonna go ahead and say all signs point to yes, even though I’m not sure why.” So, Mattel, I think you should gather a collection of A-Rod’s most handy, mirror-tested, preplanned responses into a Magic Alabi 8-Ball. It could really help a fella out… at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Always a disappointment to lose any game, but losing a completely winnable game to the ViQueens is a kick-in-the-teeth. The headline on this game (34-31 ViQueens) is that Erin Rodgers lost the game. The Defense and Special Teams contributed as well, but this was the first game this year that the Offense was called upon to win the game … and they failed, primarily due to Erin. The good news is that at 8-3 overall, we still hold the 2nd Seed and (probably) still have a shot at the 1st Seed in the Playoffs. The most amazing thing about this game is that we were even in it at all. We have had tremendously good fortune with very few injuries the last two years, but that has all come home to roost in 2021. The chart below summarizes the current week’s injury list combined with the Injured Reserve list (both short-term IR and “Out” for the Season; and for good measure, Coach included Center Corey Linsley who signed with the Chargers during the Off-Season). Counting both Pro-Bowler Linsley and his replacement (an extremely good rookie, Josh Myers) the Packers are missing 4 Pro Bowl level talents on the Offensive Line. Hat’s off OL Coach Stenavich for keeping that group performing extremely well. The DL/OLB position has been even more devastated. For a position group that was a talent concern before the Season, it’s nothing short of amazing that they are playing well with 7 guys missing. Here’s hoping that Rashan Gary and Tyler Lancaster can make it back for the Rams game. Give BeriBeri and his Coaches credit, they are doing a great job with what they have. An even bigger shout-out to Gutey. The guy put up with a lot of crap during the Offseason and he’s done nothing but put together a tremendously deep roster. So back to the ViQueens, the story of the game is all about self-inflicted wounds. We “lost” the 1st-Half of the game 16-10; but we easily could have scored at least 10 more and “shudda” held them to fewer points. We had almost even T.O.P., both had O turnovers, but we had 8 penalties for 92 yards vs. 3-25 on the Queens. Sure, the Zebras screwed us on a few penalties, but mainly we did it too ourselves and killed our drives and extended the Queen’s drives. The 1st-Half Drive Chart for the Pack is a litany of stupid, self-inflicted damage. Coach has done extensive covert research this week to determine what happened to Erin during the 1st-half. As suspected, it turned out that Melissa McCarthy had hacked into Erin’s helmet audio and used subliminal messaging to make him run around and throw stupid long balls. Rather than throw to ESB (you can’t really see him in this clip, but he’s open over the middle and would have easily picked up 15) and keep the drive alive, we ended up kicking a 54-yd FG (yay, Mason). Rather than throw to ESB (you can’t really see him in this clip, but he’s open over the middle and would have easily picked up 15) and keep the drive alive, we ended up punting. Did Coach just repeat his-self? Oh, yes, he did, pretty much the same f’up, two series in a row. To complete the night-mare flashback of McCarthyism, Rodgers also played “Hero Ball” several times. You know, line up in shotgun, get the snap and then run-around until someone gets open. It worked for a while during the 2011-2014 era, but never worked well enough to win important games. Didn’t work then, doesn’t work now. Erin targeted MVS 10 times and hit him on 4. Yes, they did have the exciting 75-yard TD in the 2nd-Half, but if we play smarter football in the 1st-Half that wouldn’t have been necessary. Special Teams didn’t kill us … sort of … Crosby flat out missed a 32-yd FG … which of course would have had us tied at the 60-minute mark. Coach supposes that 1 for 2 is better than 0 for 2. (C’mon man, made the 54-yarder and missed the 32-yarder?) Can we trust the D? Coach should have known better last week than to praise the D. Too early, gotta let Season unfold a bit more. We have had so many injuries on that you knew they would come back to bite us. The Pack have been very tight-lipped about Jaire Alexanders return, but man, Coach hopes it’s soon. Rookie Eric Stokes, Keven King and the “Hero of AZ” Douglas have all had good games … and all had major mistakes against the Queens. Eric Stokes got caught in a “communication problem” and as a result was covering no-one on more than one occasion. Give the Queens credit, they schemed to confuse the Rook. Amos makes a great interception, only to have it waived off due to the penalty. The result was Queens 1st & 10 on the Packer 19 vs. us having the ball at the 37. Three plays later the Queens went up 16-3 … and the game was over. That sequence defined the outcome of the game. We had just missed the chip-shot FG, so it was 9-3 vs. “shudda been” 9-6. Earlier on the Queens 3rd Drive, Savage was called for a 37-yd Defensive Pass Interference penalty. Between the DPI and the over-turned INT (both our mistakes), we “shudda” held them to punt and a 9-6 score. If there is good news in all of this, we almost won a game in a noisy venue, on the road, with a very injured and tired Team, against a Division opponent. Coach was never a Mike Poutine fan, but he did have one very, very memorable quote: “there’s a word for ‘almost winning’, it’s called ‘losing’”. On to the Rams. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up So-Called Diehard Fan Won’t Even Leap Over Stadium Railing To Catch Football LOS ANGELES—Casting doubt on the 35-year-old’s commitment to the franchise, so-called diehard Rams fan Eric Tremblay wouldn’t even leap over a stadium railing to catch a football thrown into the stands by LA quarterback Matthew Stafford Sunday during the team’s recent loss to the visiting Tennessee Titans. “Eric talks a big game about how this team is his life, but he wouldn’t even throw himself off the mezzanine when the time came,” said fellow Rams fan James Witt, expressing sadness that his friend had let him down and ruined his only chance to own an official NFL football. “He’s been talking about going in on season tickets, but now I’m not so sure. He had a chance to prove his loyalty by catching that ball, and he just meekly extended his hand out. So much for ‘bleeding yellow and blue,’ right?” At press time, Rams fans were spotted pelting Tremblay’s house with rocks and garbage after learning he refused to give up his roomy Exit seat to Aaron Donald on a flight back from Cancun during the Rams bye week. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof In Classic Chicago Bears Form, Report Leaks That Head Coach will be fired after Thanksgiving CHICAGO—If there was a word to describe the events that unfolded with the Chicago Bears on Tuesday, it’s dysfunction. Then again, that’s nothing new for this franchise. Matt Nagy met with Bears ownership Tuesday and was informed he’d be fired after Thursday’s game against the Detroit Lions. Nice. Nagy then cancelled the rest of Tuesday’s practice and, according to the players, he told them his meeting with owners was about “them moving forward” and that no one knows what tomorrow will bring, and they said he broke down as he addressed the team as “family.” Because he did not shed any light on his status, it left some players angry, less than 48 hours before the team will try to end a five-game losing streak against the winless Lions in a nationally televised game. Someone could have used a Magic Alabi 8-Ball !!! - "Hey coach, were you just fired?" Noteworthy, up until Tuesday the Chicago Bears have never fired a head coach midseason in their 101-year history, but it’s becoming more and more likely that tradition comes to an end with Matt Nagy. According to NFL insider Jordan Schultz, there are “an overwhelming number” of Bears players who want Nagy fired. And considering Schultz has a podcast with Bears receiver Allen Robinson, it’s hard not to assume that Robinson is the source. “He lost some of the locker room last season, but now it’s gone.” Oh, how the Bears still suck! Not only did Bears fans start a “Fire Nagy” chant at Soldiers Fields at the end of Sunday’s loss to the Ravens, but Bulls fans started their own “Fire Nagy” chant when their team was getting blown out Monday at the United Center. Classic. What’s even more brutal, during a Class 6A semifinals playoff game between Lake Forest and Cary-Grove on Saturday, those same “Fire Nagy” chants were started by Cary-Grove’s student section. It just so happens that Nagy’s son plays for Lake Forest. Ouch. Let’s hope they don’t have a dog. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Careful with that Axe Eugene Opening day of gun deer season “did not play out as we hoped” would be the upper end of the range of expectations. No deer were harmed by BU staff and no dominating performance was handed in by Bucky’s defense. The latter is somewhat distressing as the Nebraska Husker-Du’s effectively used their bye week to write the blueprint for any Badgers opponents after this Saturday’s tilt with the Goophs. Fortunately, the Goophs present a more favorable matchup for Wisconsin on both sides of the ball. They are mediocre at best stopping the run and their quarterback is not mobile or accurate enough to play pitch & catch with receivers occupying seams in our zone or spaces vacated by blitzing linebackers as Adrian Martinez did last week. Their strength is running the ball, but good luck to them running on Wisconsin. What’s there to like about Minnesota? Here comes a regular... One more chance to get it all wrong One more chance to get it all wrong One more night to do it all wrong One more warning One more warning sound We're comin' out We're comin' out We're comin' out One more day anyway One more chance anyway One more night anyway -The Replacements Sconnie 31, Goophs 10. On to Indy. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The all-time series with the Rams could not be any closer without being identical. The record is 47-47-2, with an average score of: Pack 22.9 Rams 23.0 For the 2021 Season we are also very close, with the Pack at 8-3 and the Rams at 7-3. Statistically it’s even closer in 2021. They have an almost 5-point advantage on Offense, and we have a 3-point advantage on Defense. Throw in 2-points for being at Lambeau and Vegas is calling this a push (1/2 pt. in favor of Pack). On the other hand, home or away, St. Louis or LA, the Packers have been Domine of the Rams during the Rodgers Era (5-1); most recently the 32-18 win at Lambeau during the Divisional Rnd of the 2020 Playoffs. The Packers have a heavily-injured roster, and they are looking forward to the Bye Week after the Rams to get healed up. On the other hand, the Rams only have two guys on their injury list and based on health they will have an advantage. But this is the Green Bay Packers we are talking about. Gutey’s done a masterful job of providing depth and Matt LaFleur and the entire Team will be focused on playing well and not limping into the Bye. So, what does that leave? Yes Jimmy, Erin Rodgers vs. Matt Stafford. So, let’s compare them statistically (Coach loves stats)! On one hand, you have Matt Stafford Stafford is shown above signaling to the referee that he would like to go to the left. Why he is signaling to go left is left is a great question, Coach, Sean McVay and the Referees all have no idea. For some reason Forest Gump comes to mind … “stupid is as stupid does.” Maybe you can figure it and let Coach know. On the other hand, you have Erin Rodgers. Coach has done extensive research on this topic and has concluded that no professional athlete has ever spontaneously disrobed his foot and shown his toes to the media. The 2021 Erin Rodgers saga is a truly unique and bizarre chapter in Packers history (R.I.P. Vince Lombardi). But as we all know, Covid-Toe trumps Stupid. So maybe leave the kids’ Colllege Fund alone on this one, but at least lay down a six-pack of Leinie’s Honey Weiß! Packers 24 Rams 23 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them With Turkey-Day here, Coach got to thinking about some of the real turkeys that donned the Green & Gold. While there’s little debate of who the worst Packers player of all time is (Tony Mandarich, duh), it’s hard to gain alignment with your buddies as you pound blue-yummies at the Stadium View on who the 2nd-worst Packers player of all time is. Well, Coach is here to help you end the debate: it's Michael Haddix (you’re welcome). The hope with any NFL running back is that he will be able to at least help a team gain positive yards with the goal of earning first downs. Michael Haddix not only failed to achieve this mission throughout his NFL career, he was historically bad as a pro: averaging 3.0 yards per carry for his career, the worst in NFL history for anyone with more than 500 runs.
Haddix was a 1st round pick of the Eagles in the 1983 draft out of Mississippi State, primarily due to his fullback size and 4.5 speed. This alone was good enough to get him inducted into the Mississippi State Hall of Fame in 2019. Seems like a pretty low bar to me, but I digress… To Haddix's credit, his average was slightly higher toting the rock during his two seasons with the Packers (1989-90). The back averaged a whopping 3.1 yards per carry while playing in 32 games for Green Bay. And who was his blocking tackle up front that busted open those gaping seams for him at the line of scrimmage? You guessed it, Tony Mandarich. So today we salute you, Michael Haddix, a player with the dubious distinction of being the 2nd worst player in Packers history, ironically lined up right behind the first. Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …God should bless America at Lambeau Field each week. If you happened to be at Lambeau on Sunday watching Russell Wilson drop his first NFL doughnut, you might have also been lucky enough to see the halftime show. Well, it wasn’t really a show per se, but it was as entertaining as it was moving. Ninety-one years “young” Korean War Veteran, John Oberg, sang God Bless America from the grid iron turf during halftime. Not only did he belt out his patriotic rendition with warmth and vigor, but he also inspired everyone in the stadium to stop what they were doing and listen, and then to join in singing along (Coach included). As I looked around – as far as I could see people’s faces in the bleachers, every soul was singing. …word for word, in tune, in time. No need for the lyrics on the Jumbotron (see also, Christina Aguilera’s singing of our national anthem before we won Super Bowl XLV). Packer fans know God Bless America by heart, and they should be led in song by an American war veteran for every game at Lambeau Field. That’s way better than removing beer vendors from the aisles. ...at least, in Coach's humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme A little bit of snow before the game … and then the heavy flurries started in the 3rd Quarter … Although the score was only 3-0 at that point, Coach knew the game was over. (OK, we’re not counting the Sherman meltdown against the Falcons in the 2002 Wildcard game, the blocked punt turned that game, not Mike Vick.) Snap-ur-fingers 'n Bob’s-ur-Uncle, just like that we go up 17-0, Wayne Larrivee declares “the dagger” and we win, giving Russell W his first-ever shutout. Now we’re 8-2 and the No. 1 Ranked Team in the NFL. Ain’t no trophies handed out for making Pete Carroll look like a dipshit in a Regular Season game, but it was nice anyway. The Defense looked outstanding and held Wilson to a passer rating of 39.7, his lowest of the year (133 yds, 20-40 passing, with 2 INT’s and 0 TD’s, with 3 sacks). That puts the Packers at the No. 3 Defense in the League at 18.0 pts allowed /gm (see table below). You want scary? Last 3 games, we have the No.1 Scoring D Last 9 games (aka, 2021 minus whatever the hell the Saints game was), we also have the No.1 Scoring D The Defense is all well and good, but the Offense is only Ranked NO. 19 in scoring and our Place Kicking has been abysmal, well, OK, other than Borky punting, ST have been a disaster this year. So how did we do this game? Covid/Schmovid …yes Erin was coming back from an almost 3-week stretch of no on-field practicing. But he missed several downfield throws, all due to very poor fundamentals. But this one? Just dumb, no need to throw the ball at all, this one is just a huge mental error. Place Kicking… After starting the 2021 Season with 9 straight made FG’s, Crosby has now made only 5 of his last 12 attempts. The good news is that he made one on Sunday and he’s moved up from 34th ranked kicker to 30th. Whooppeee Crosby has missed a lot of kicks to the left this year, particularly when there is a big rush from the right side. … but man, this one looks like Coach golfing. Slicing to the left? No problem, I’ll just push it to the right. The good news here is that maybe (hopefully) the blocking is fixed and maybe (hopefully) the snap-and-hold is fixed … they looked pretty good on this one anyway. So how does this all fit into the bigger picture? OK, ya know Coach must pull Stats into this as well. For his career, Crosby has made 81% of his kicks, which puts him toward the top of the NFL All-Time list. During the LaFleur era, 2019 thru present, Crosby has made 85% of his kicks … which is a little bit better than his career average (including all the misses this year). History doesn’t guarantee anything, but Coach says that Crosby will at least get back to his average 81% … … and if we assume he will get to his career average attempt attempts per season (meaning 12 more attempts in this first-ever 17-game season) … he will go 12 for 12 the rest of the way … He did make his last FG attempt on Sunday, and the last XP was absolutely perfect. Here’s hoping that this is figured out and we don’t drop a Playoff Game on a missed FG. You also know that Rookie Amaroni Rodgers has been terrible on punt returns. He started the Seachickens game looking pretty shaky, but on his last two returns showed confidence and he picked up some yards. Let’s hope this is fixed too… we’ll see. DEFENSE Wow, Coach must pinch his-self, is this real? We will see as the Season rolls on, Coach reminds youse that we had the No. 1 scoring Defense for 3 of our 4 Super Bowls, and the No. 3 D for the other one. (We only count the ones we win. We ain't the Vikings for chrypes sake!) The play of the Defensive Backfield has been much improved this year. With the improvement in interceptions, we are averaging almost +1 in turnovers. Obviously, those turnovers are very important, but Coach wants to point out the no-name guys and how they are really making a difference. Let’s set the scene … at 2:39 in the 3rd Quarter, Rodgers throws the dumb-ass interception shown in the earlier clip. The Packers are leading 3-0 and the entire world assumes that Wilson will lead Seattle to a TD. 1st & 10 at SEA 20 (2:30 - 3rd) (Shotgun) A.Collins right end to SEA 21 for 1 yard (T.Lancaster). Watch Lancaster very carefully in this clip... Lancaster sheds his block, moves down the line, and he leaves his feet and dives to make the tackle on Collins. Tyler Lancaster is in his 4th year with the Pack and has never played at this level before. 2nd & 9 at SEA 21 (2:02 - 3rd) (Shotgun) R.Wilson pass short middle to D.Eskridge to SEA 17 for -4 yards (R.Douglas). On 2nd down, the Def Hero of the Cardinals game, 5th year journeyman, the guy we signed off of his couch a few weeks ago, Rasul Douglas, absolutely shoots up the field and makes 4-yard TFL!! 3rd & 13 at SEA 17 (1:23 - 3rd) (Shotgun) R.Wilson pass incomplete short left to D.Metcalf (R.Douglas) On 3rd down, the Def Hero of the Cardinals game, 5th year journeyman, the guy we signed off of his couch a few weeks ago, Rasul Douglas, aggressively comes up and punches the ball out (borderline fumble). How in the hell was this guy sitting at home waiting for a call? Or maybe, just maybe, Def Coordinator BeriBeri is getting the best out of his guys. Damn nice to see! And we finally started to play complimentary football. For the first part of the game we played the McCarthy/Rodgers Offense --- Shotgun formation all the way. Nine times (only) Rodgers was under-center and we gained 45 yards with no negative plays. For the 21 times we ran shotgun we averaged 3.2 yards/play. When Erin is under center, the D has to honor the run … which allows us to pass. We ended up almost doubling up the TOP (39:02 to 20:51) and by the end of the game the Seachickens were exhausted. … up 10-0 with 7:26 left in the 4th, with Rodgers under center, Quadzilla took a short swing pass and turned it into a 50 beat down. Nine plays later Dillion was in the EZ and everyone was going crazy … nothing like seeing 310# Eglington Jenkins crushing the folks in the front row on his Lambeau Leap!! We may not be winning pretty, but the 2021 Packers really seem to be a team! WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Area Dad Knew That Play Would Never Work NEW KENSINGTON, PA—Groaning and pounding his fists on the side of the couch as running back Najee Harris was tackled for a short two-yard gain, area dad Joseph Mitchem announced during Sunday’s Steelers game that he knew that play would never work. “Jesus Christ, how stupid can you be. They run this fuckin’ play a hundred times a game!” said Mitchem, who claimed that you could see the second the screen pass left Mason Rudolph’s hand that the play was going nowhere, and that any idiot could call a better play. “I could see that call coming a mile away and so could the defense. This is a classic Steelers bullshit 2nd down call. When you’ve got Eric Ebron and Cody White out there you should be calling a damn pass every 2nd and long.” At press time Mitchem was admonishing a failed slant pass call on a 2nd and 9 and claiming the Steelers should be “running the damn ball more.” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof ‘God Has A Plan For Me,’ Says Man Who Was Drafted By The Chicago Bears CHICAGO—Praising the Lord for the divine guidance on his journey, former Ohio State quarterback Justin Field, a man who was drafted by the Chicago Bears, told reporters Wednesday that God has a plan for him. “Everything that happened was meant to be, and I have faith that God in all his goodness is looking out for me,” said the man who will now have to spend the next 5 years of his life living in Illinois and playing for a franchise that squandered the prime of several generational superstars. “It’s been a tough year, but you have to keep believing and hold on to the knowledge that God is looking out for you. God is great – and spending my time on a middling team made up mostly of people who are in the same situation as me is proof – he loves me and wants the best for me.” At press time, God was mapping out a plan for Field to go down with an ACL tear in the second half of the season. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground CFP #15 Badgers Favored by 9 The Bugeaters invade Camp Randall boasting gaudy offensive stats, ranking #16 in the country, #2 in the Big Ten in total yards and 4th in scoring. Though their conference record is 1-6, their losses have been by 8, 7, 3, 7, 5 and 9 points. They were able to hang with Oklahoma, Michigan State, Michigan, Purdue and Ohio State in a schedule that has been tougher than Wisconsin’s. They have recruited well and are loaded with talent, including at the WR position. QB Martinez is their top rushing threat, gutting it out with a high ankle sprain and a broken jaw. They lost their top tackler on defense, but return their top DB. Teams like this worry us, because they typically put it all together for one game, before returning to mediocrity. This is their sixth Rose Bowl game this season, with their seventh coming next week against Iowa. They are not losing sleep over our improved passing game. As Wisconsin’s schedule has become progressively easier starting with the Purdue game, their offense has found a good groove. The one exception is offensive procedure calls, particularly in the red zone. These are dumb unforced penalties that can cost you a game (see Penn State). In the 10th game of the season, we should be doing better than the 5 procedure calls that we had against Northwestern. Not much else to pick at, other than the lunacy of having our #3 receiver returning kickoffs and our #3 cornerback returning punts, alternating with our #2 receiver receiving punts. Neither is a difference maker as special teams blocking is on par with that of the Packers. Our receiver corps is among the weakest in the Big Ten and can’t afford to lose any of the top three for an extra yard or two on a return. One last item for the wall of worry. Braelon Allen is a season-ending injury waiting to happen. He has been beat up since the Purdue game and has been gimpy at times in every game since then. It is unlikely that he will have big runs where nobody touches him as he has the last couple of weeks. We need to avoid a 4-quarter game where he is called upon for a bunch of carries and breaking tackles to wear down the opponent. Why feel good about being 9-point favorites and Bucky taking care of business? This year’s defense is so dominant and pass coverage has become lock-down. Mobile quarterbacks like Martinez are not a worry as in the past, particularly when their supporting cast lacks a running game. Our front seven will hit and tackle with the usual physicality and violence while spending a great deal of time in the Martinez’s backfield. So how does Saturday play out? 4am wake-up call, in the tree-stand by 6am, 170-inch rack down by 7:30am, nearby watering hole popular with area hunters opens early. Oh yeah, the game. Kickoff is at the hunter-friendly 2:30 time slot. Bucky prevails 28-10. Seven of Nebraska’s points are courtesy of a pick-six or scoop-six run-back curtesy of the Badgers’ 2nd string offense. One step closer to an appearance in Indy. All in all, a great day in Wisconsin! We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The ViQueens have been hanging around the edge of having a Playoff Team… and who knows, they might make it into the 7-Team NFC Playoff bracket. Currently they are No. 8, they hate us and they will be treating Sunday like a Playoff game. Coach really hopes they treat it like a Playoff Game, that’s perfect for us! The most boring job in Minneapolis is polishing all of the Super Bowl Trophies in the empty Trophy Case. Heaven help us, how can you not make fun of their obnoxious fans and their team which has never won a damn thing. Fer da crye yi yi! This is a metropolis that’s buried in snow for half the year and they can’t even build a roof to withstand the snow! Ole’, what a buncha lamo’s, huh? So, ja, Sven, dats why I’m a Packer Fan now. Packer Fans are everywhere and you’ll see a bunch of ’em at the Humpty-Dump-Doux. In fact, there were even Packer Fans showing off their skills at the Raiders-Chief game! Check out his catch!! Norm Van der Loop from Little Chute, WI was at the game last Sunday and when Patricia Mahomes through this ball into the stands, Norm -- the Packer Fan, was ready. Look at the concentration!! He catches the ball one-handed, wrestles the ball away from his buddies, all while not spilling a drop of beer. Norm Van der Loop, Coach salutes you! Have a good look at the table above. No surprise, we have a 2.4 pt/gm advantage in Point Differential. But shock of shocks … they have a better Offense, and we have the better Defense. If we take into account the 2-points for them being at home, the line would be less than a point in favor of the Pack (so a push) … but the line is 2.5 points … so even Vegas recognizes that we have a much better Team. Why is that? Very simple… … they have Kurt 'Kissin' Kousins at Kuarterback. He, of “big game chokes.” This one is gonna be a Defensive battle, one which we will win. Packers 21 ViQueens 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them This week we pay tribute to a man who might be the least known or appreciated Packers hero that has his number retired. There’s only 6 retired Packers numbers: Don Hutson’s (14), Bart Starr’s (15), Ray Nitschke’s (66), Reggie White’s (92), Brett Favre’s (4), and … who is it? Can’t think of him -- can you? Well he was a very modest man to be sure, so it’s no surprise that I must remind you that it is number 3, Tony Canadeo. NFL Hall of Famer Tony Canadeo was a star for the Packers from 1941 - 1952. He did have his football career briefly interrupted for most of 1944 and all of 1945 for serving in World War II. As legend has it, Tony claimed an emergency family exemption for his “ailing brother” in order delay his deployment a couple of extra weeks so he could play in 2 additional games in 1944, but ultimately missing the team's victory in the NFL Championship Game later that season. Canadeo, who became known as the "Grey Ghost" because he had greying hair at an early age while playing football at Gonzaga, was selected by the Packers in the 9th round of the 1941 NFL Draft and went on to play multiple positions including running back, quarterback, defensive back, punter, and return specialist. Tony was not particularly fast or elusive, and was smaller than average NFL players even for his time. However, he was a determined and tenacious player. Canadeo was just the third 1,000-yard rusher in pro football history when he gained 1,052 yards for the Packers in 1949. He ranks 4th in franchise history with 4,197 yards on 1,025 carries, a 4.1 average. If you drive east of Lambeau Field, chances are you’ll take Tony Canadeo Run from Brett Favre Pass to Bart Starr Drive. If you do, Coach recommends you stop in at the Badger State Brewing Company for a delicious Cinnaster Scotch Ale! Anyhoo, after his playing career, Canadeo raised his family in beautiful Freedom, Wisconsin and continued his association with the team as a CBS broadcaster (paired with Ray Scott), and member of the organization's executive committee until he passed away with grace at age 84 in 2003. Sportswriter Tom Silverstein of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel said of Canadeo in 2003, "Of all the players, coaches, and executives who left an imprint on the Packers organization, none did it for longer than the affable Canadeo." Nuf sed.
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …Love shouldn’t wear a baseball cap. Nobody knew what to expect from Jordan Love. The coaches never really bragged about his preseason, nor did they express concerns. Coach can’t really say at this early stage if Jordan Love will be the 3rd straight Hall of Fame QB for the Packers, but I can say with confidence that he will never rock a dad hat like Aaron Rodgers. …or like Aaron Jones, or like any of the Packers staff, for that matter. You see, Jordan Love has too much vertical gap between his ears and the largest diameter of his cranium. It’s a simple matter of height ratios. A 4-inch cap cannot cover a 6-inch span. Worst case, dad hats should only sit as high as the top of the ear, never above that. Sporting a 2-inch airfield is like wearing white pants after Labor Day (or at all). Ipso facto, he looks like a dork. So cover that melon, Jordan! Lucky for you, it’s gonna turn chilly here soon, and you look great in a knit hat. ... at least, in Coach's humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme You may have heard Kaaron Rodgers is concerned with an allergy s/he has to radiator antifreeze (PEG) and the possible effect on a forthcoming progeny. Upset with those around him/her for leaking the progress toward paternity, Kaaron went on the Pat McAfee daytime talk show and displayed an acute confusion for over 45 minutes … only to be quickly followed by another session of 20 minutes where s/he expressed regret for “misleading” everyone. Clearly upset and conflicted emotionally, Kaaron decided to sit out the Kansas City game, causing a big enough social media kerfuffle to break the World Wide Interweb for a few days. We all agree that Kaaron is emotionally wrought, no doubt due to raging hormones, and it was probably for the Love of the team that s/he decided to sit out the Chiefs games last week. … which led to 2020 1st Rnd Draft Pick Jordan Love finally playing in a real game. Is Love a secondhand emotion? Well, he’s no Aaron Rodgers (yet?). But finished the game with a significantly better Passer Rating than the new QB in Chicago. Just sayin’… Coach LaFleur was glowing about Love’s ability to stand there and take a hit. Coach was kind of hoping we’d be talking about his amazing ability to throw the football. But I guess LaFleur knows what’s important(?). I think it’s kinda like the guy on Coach’s Freshman Year dorm floor. Now he could take a hit. The guy was in ROTC and liked to drink Everclear-and-Hawaiian-Punch on Friday nights and then dive down the concrete and steel stairs in until he passed out. Too bad for him Viet Nam had ended, and he had nowhere to go. Yup, that must be what LaFleur meant (the only surprise is that he didn’t add “and he really likes football”). To be fair to Love, he did look OK passing toward the end of the game, but he made several off-balance throws that he should have eaten or pitched into the stands. Eventually he did throw the INT below. LaFleur did admit after the game that he did not do Love any favors in play calling. Officially Love was 19 of 34; actually, it was 19 of 39. His 5 rushing carries were scrambles from the backfield. The point being that we were on the road, in a noisy stadium with a QB make his first-ever NFL start … and the LaFleur called 39 passing plays and 20 running plays … and the running backs were averaging 5 yds/carry against 7-and-8-man boxes! Man-oh-man … flashbacks to the 3rd Qtr of the NFC Championship game last year. Add to that, many of the pass-plays were downfield and we never went for a slant over the middle (where there were no LB’s). Dumb, Matt, dumb. Certainly, Love looked like an inexperienced QB in his first start, but with the Defense doing an outstanding job, he would have easily won this game against the Chiefs if his Head Coach and the Special Teams cooperated. Interstitial musing: What’s the Over/Under on how long ’til they become the “Kansas City Football Team”? Defense! Wow, look out, just when we least expect it (KC Receivers dropped numerous passes that would have kept the sticks moving, and…), the Defense is now ranked 6th in points allowed at 20-pts/game. For the last 2 years the OLB/DE’s in Poutine’s scheme did not play sound defense, they did not keep outside contain and regularly runners bounced out around the edge. In the clip above Preston Smith does an outstanding job of maintaining outside contain while squeezing down the running lanes. The Defensive highlight of the game came late in the 2nd Quarter. Amarone Rodgers caused a muffed punt and the Chiefs recovered at the Packers 10-yard line. The Chiefs advanced to the 3-yard line where on 3rd Down Kris Barnes obliterated Darrel Williams, preventing a sure TD. It’s been a long, long time since the Packers Defense played this well overall. We held Mahomes to a 74.8 passer rating and limited KC to 237 total yards, 77 yards rushing and 28:27 TOP, despite having two turnovers. K-C only had one sustained scoring drive all day, a 64-yard drive for a TD on the 1st possession of the game (after a bad punt). The other two scores were FG’s that came on drives of 4-yards and 25-yards. And we held them to 0 points in the 2nd-half. Unbelievable… Mason Crosby is now ranked 34th in FG % … out of 32 Teams in the NFL (and he’s tied for 18th in XP%). Is it Mason’s fault? Well, obviously, he shares some of the blame … but mainly it is the snapping, the holding and the blocking … so basically everything is F’d up with the FG unit. ST Coach Maurice Drayton was the under assistant coach helper to our last ST Coordinator who was fired because he was incompetent. What a shocker that his assistant is worse. Nice guy, ineffective coach. Fire Drayton We had 18 Special Teams Plays in the game and fully 50% of them were hugely negative plays that gave KC the win. Coach would love it if you studied the chart below … but he knows that you are only looking for pictures … so suffice to say that red is bad and there’s a lot of f’ng red. Special Teams plays directly caused a 9-point swing in the game: A missed FG - 3 points A blocked FG - 3 points A KC FG from the muffed punt - 3 points (the D saved another 4 from the “shudda-been” TD) Reverse those plays and we win the game 13-10 … with just those plays. And don’t give me that “Well, these guys didn’t play special teams in college so they’re first learning how to do it now” crap. It is the same situation for EVERY NFL TEAM, even the Bears for the chry-eye-eye (who typically play really good kick coverage despite being devoid of talent); the only difference is coaching – both head coach and ST coach. For the love of Mike, why can we not hire a decent Special Teams Coach? Is Nolan Crowell still out there somewhere … Jimmy go look up what he’s doing these days. This was truly a ST’s debacle that will stick in the anals of Packer lore forever. (BTW, where is Brian Bostick these days?) WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Football From Final Brett Favre Pass Comes To Rest In Lake Superior TWO HARBORS, MN—Surprised by an unexpected splash next to his dinghy along the western shore of Lake Superior, fisherman Lars Gutænsö netted what turned out to be the final errant pass ever thrown by Brett Favre. Gutænsö notified local authorities of his find, and Sherriff Olåf Yugätörgøn was able to use forensic science to trace it back to the December 20th, 2010 Monday Night Football game at TFC Bank Stadium in Minneapolis (because the Metrodome roof had collapsed one week earlier) against the Bears. The pass was launched slightly out of bounds and over the Minnesota Göphers bleacher seating on the clock-killing play right before Favre was knocked unconscious by Bears defensive lineman Cory Wootton. When reached for comment, the Hall of Fame quarterback made some peculiar remarks about the pigskin’s recovery. Reporters thought perhaps Favre misunderstood their question about the find when he responded, “Committing the entire offensive playbook to memory was always a struggle for me. I would usually just call out some combination of numbers and colors, and eventually the center would get fed up and snap me the ball.” Favre went on to say that “Throwing the ball downfield is really hard, especially since they allow 21 defenders on the field. They even let half of them wear the same color shirt as me. It’s super confusing.” Later he confessed, “To this day, I can’t fall asleep without being fully concussed.” The gridiron hero looked up and concluded his interview with, “I played football?” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof ‘God Has A Plan For Me,’ Says Man Who Was Drafted By The Chicago Bears CHICAGO—Praising the Lord for the divine guidance on his journey, former Ohio State quarterback Justin Field, a man who was drafted by the Chicago Bears, told reporters Wednesday that God has a plan for him. “Everything that happened was meant to be, and I have faith that God in all his goodness is looking out for me,” said the man who will now have to spend the next 5 years of his life living in Illinois and playing for a franchise that squandered the prime of several generational superstars. “It’s been a tough year, but you have to keep believing and hold on to the knowledge that God is looking out for you. God is great – and spending my time on a middling team made up mostly of people who are in the same situation as me is proof – he loves me and wants the best for me.” At press time, God was mapping out a plan for Field to go down with an ACL tear in the second half of the season. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground The Painted Puppies We would have loved to attend the Rutgers game, but luckily one of our friends was a keynote speaker at the annual voyeur’s conference which annually is scheduled in Key West to coincide with Fantasy Fest. Go figure. Anyway, in addition to the spot on analysis we usually give, we have the annual match the face to the rest of the body contest . The winning entry will receive a non-expenses paid trip to a destination of their choice and a highly valuable recognition on our blog. Here are the faces: Bucky kicked ass against Rutgers. Big whup. Expected. Resting on laurels. Having said that, we can’t recall the last time a Big Ten team accomplished all three of the following on defense in the same game:
This Week! Statistics too often lie in college football, but that is not the case with this year’s Northworstern team. They are really bad, particularly on offense. Bucky is licking chops! The Mildcats would need five Jazz Peavy touchdown steal calls from the refs, along with triple the phantom calls from last year’s game to make this one close. Only a busted coverage, muffed punt, Wisconsin turnovers or lapse by the 2nd & 3rd string defense in the 4th quarter allows them to score more than a field goal on offense. And speaking of licking chops and muffs, here are the Painted Puppies... match the faces to win!! So, what happens Saturday? Bucky rolls, 59-3 and we again wonder what this season could have been had Leo Chenal taken preventive measures to enhance his odds of being available for blowing up the Penn State and Notre Dame offenses for four quarters in each game. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game What an interesting game … … Russ is back, but will his figure really be healed? … Kaaron could be back (pending the NFL’s “a positive test means you can’t play, even though the CDC says you are no longer contagious 10-days after testing positive the first time” rule), but will they get winded easily after having the Covid? He’s had enough wind to talk our ears off all week, so that parts should be ok. As it stands today, we are the 2nd Overall Seed in the NFC and the Seachickens are out of the Playoffs, but with Russ back they will be treating Sunday’s game like it is a Playoff. The Seachickens are averaging a bit more scoring/game than us and are giving up a few more points, but basically, we both have mediocre offenses and pretty-good-top-10 Defenses. The net result is that Vegas is giving us the half-point mathematical advantage plus 3 points for home-field advantage. We lead the Seachickens 14-9 All-time, but during the Wilson/Carroll vs. Rogers/(MM/MLF) era we are 4-4 … with the home team winning all 8 games (including the incorrect Fail Mary call). The formula is pretty straightforward: At Lambeau we go 14 to 3 at half-time and we extend the lead slightly in the 2nd-half. At Seattle it’s been very similar, we lead at half-time but then we give away cheap points at the end of the game (see also, ’14 NFC Champ Game). Detestable Seachicken’s Head Coach, Pete Carroll, mentioned the recent historical trend of Home Team’s winning in his comments this week. A few betting facts from the 2021 Season:
The plan this week has to be to turn the road graders loose and run, run, run. It’s supposed to be cold-ish and sloppy rain/snow at Lambeau this week … time to see if Dillion can be an Edgar Bennett mudder. Packers 21 Seachickens 13 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them The only thing worse than cheating without consideration for others, is getting caught -- and then looking the public in the eye and lying about it. See also, Aaron Jefferson Braun. Is there anything worse than that, Coach? Yes, Jimmy, there is -- The opportunistic woke mob. Yeah, there were some bad choices made in Green Bay, trying to walk a fine line on the COVID wire, and probably some deceitful statements by a guy who throws a pigskin – guilty as charged, punishment issued and wrist swollen red. But piling on the Packers as an organization that doesn’t care about others, and is only is concerned with image – like the self-righteous woke mob is currently doing, is complete ignorant bullshit. You might have heard that Vince Lombardi was a pioneer that welcomed minorities to "culturally backwards" Green Bay (something the woke mob insists on; ok that's a good thing) if these players had talent and the will to win ... purportedly because he himself was subject to discrimination as an Italian-American, which prevented him from getting a deserved head coaching job at every other NFL team except the Packers. ...Hmmm... maybe Green Bay isn't culturally backwards? Did you know, too, that Vince had a gay brother, and welcomed gay players on his roster? The woke mob surely is not smart enough to dig into these facts and they can suck on that until they gag. Which brings us to this week’s Packers throw-back subject, Dave Kopay. In 1972, the Packers signed running back David Kopay to play in what turned out to be the final 14 games of his NFL career. The Chicago native grew up in Sherman Oaks, California and was heavily influenced by the SoCal lifestyle there before playing college ball at Washington (the state, not the District). To Kopay’s delight, he was signed by the San Francisco 49ers in 1964 and played with the boys there for 4 years before bouncing around various locker rooms in the League, cutting his teeth as an Oiler before winding up in Green Bay as a bona fide Packer. His stats in Green Bay included a meager 10 rushes for a measly 39 yards, with 1 fumble. After he retired from the NFL, he was considered a top contender for coaching positions, but believes he was snubbed by professional and college teams because of his sexual orientation. Can you guess what it is? Kopay went to work in his uncle's floorcovering business in Hollywood. Still unsure? Supposedly 5.6% of Americans are gay, so -- doing the back-of-the-napkin math, and considering that 1,696 players make up the NFL's active rosters, this means approximately 95 ballers use the back door. Since Kopay, five additional former NFL players have come out as gay (sexually), Roy Simmons in 1992, Esera Tuaolo in 2002, Wade Davis in 2012, Kwame Harris in 2013 and Ryan O'Callaghan in 2017. To date, only one current NFL player, Carl Nassib, has come out publicly as gay (in 2021). Like Kopay, none of them are any good at football, but kudos to Dave for being the tip of the spear -- credited with inspiring these athletes to be more open about their sexual orientation (gay). Aaron Rodgers is only suspected of being gay, probably because he’s thin and neat, and his fiancé looks like a guy.
Perhaps more impressive (to some), after football Kopay became a Gay Games Ambassador for the Federation of Gay Games (yes, those are things … Who knew?). He went to Gay Games VII in Chicago in July 2006 (for reference, there were only VI Rocky movies at that time, and not counting the Creed movies, there were only a total of VI Rocky movies, which just goes to show what I’ve always said, “Gay Games will last longer than the Rocky movie series.”) and was a featured announcer in the opening ceremonies, which -- for reference, was an honor bigger than singing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” with gay drunk announcer Harry Caray at Wrigley Field during the 7th inning stretch! And last, but certainly not least, with Seattle coming to town this week (in their “happy” uniforms) it would be remiss to not mention that Kopay announced he will leave a generous $1 million endowment to the University of Washington Q Center. Again, who knew there was such a thing? So, we stand erect and firmly salute Packer hero Dave Kopay – a gay football player, not that there’s anything wrong with it. |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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