Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: there are only a handful of guys that the NFL owes its longevity to... The Jumbo Perch bite is amazing in Green Bay this week so Coach doesn’t have too much free time to opine ad nauseum on the computer, but I would like to pay my respects posthumously to John Madden. When I think of guys who’ve passed, leaving a legacy of a truly rare, lasting impact on the NFL, only a few names come to mind: long time commissioner Pete Rozelle (creator of the Super Bowl), Papa Bear Halas (Bears founder and coach, financed the League during the lean years prior to television -- including keeping the Packers afloat), Vince Lombardi (creator of the first true NFL dynasty, and broke down racial stereotypes to a degree none before him was willing to do), and John Madden. Coach doesn’t play Madden NFL video games, but I realize how impactful they are to Gen Y & Z. Coach barely remembers the rotund figure marching up and down the Raiders sidelines, but I recall vividly that I realized as a young boy John Madden was a larger than life icon. True fact: I have a grill that John Madden grilled brats on! In the early 80’s when CBS did NFC games, and John Madden did TV analysis with Pat Summerall, they covered a Packers game at Lambeau and the pregame CBS show was sponsored by Weber grills. It was the first year/model that Weber (famous for their iconic charcoal kettle) ever made a gas grill, and so they had John and Pat fry some brats in front of the TV at a tailgate party in the parking lot before the game. Long story short, that grill got auctioned off and it was handed down to me. But I digress… It is obvious to everyone that John Madden’s players loved playing for him, NFL fans loved to watch Madden manage games, and the TV audience loved to hear him being himself talking about the game he was covering. He was kinda like Knute Rockne, John Candy, and Ozzy Osbourne all rolled into one. Rest in peace, John. You are an NFL legend. …at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme OK, let’s get all the happy stuff out of the way first: 1. We beat the winningest Division in the NFC 2. We beat the presumptive best Division in the AFC 3. We held serve for the No. 1 Seed in the NFC post-season tournament. 4. Davante Adams and Aaron Rodgers set the Packers Franchise Record for QB-Receiver Passing TD’s (67 and counting, passing Rodgers & Jordy Nelson’s 65) 5. Matt LaFleur tied George Siefert at 38 Wins in his first 3-years coaching, and the first ever to win 12 games in each of his first 3 Seasons. (Siefert went 14-2, 14-2 & 10-6 in the 1990-92 Seasons. He inherited a loaded roster and a Super Bowl winning team from Bill Walsh that was QB’d by Joe Montana in ’90 and then Steve Young ’91 & ’92; not exactly the disaster that LaFleur inherited. LaFleur is also a best-ever 21-2 at home.) 6. Aaron Rodgers broke Brett Favre’s Packers record of 442 Passing TD’s. As the scoreboard showed “443” chants of MVP rang through the Stadium as Rodger’s acknowledged assembled throng. Later he expressed joy that the pass pattern was a stick-route, a staple of the Joe-Walsh-Hotel-California-Offense that he learned as a rookie. Congratulations poured in from around Inter-Web. Brett Favre filmed a short message for Rodgers, which played at Lambeau following the touchdown pass. “Hey 12. Congratulations, man, on passing my touchdown record,” Favre said. “I have one request: Go get us another Super Bowl. Congrats.” Favre was of course a much better football player than Rodgers, albeit not as good a thrower-of-the-ball as Erin. What made Coach happy is that Favre has obviously come all the way back home, he wants “US” to get another Lombardi Trophy. Most of the usual suspects supplicated Rodgers with sycophantic dribble, but Coach really got a kick out of the Tweet from Tramon Williams. Williams was of course a teammate of Sam Shields, who famously … well just read this: Ok, now that all the sunshine and lollipops are out of the way, “What the hell is going on out there?” For the first time in many weeks, we don’t have to complain about Special Teams. While not perfect, there were no egregious errors. On the robust data set of one game, let’s call them “not a liability”, and cross your fingers that they can continue. Coach will get to the Defense in a minute, but what is going on with the Offense? As your eyeballs have already told you, we start slowly in the 1st Quarter (likely due to “No Practice Covid Toe” making mistakes) and then we explode in the 2nd Quarter. The 3rd Quarter isn’t bad and then in the 4th Quarter we experience George Costanza type “shrinkage” (I was in the pool, Jerry!). The Browns game mirrored the Ravens game last week, we had a 21-12 Halftime lead and seemed poised to bury them in a blowout. Head-banging ensued, and we were outscored 10-3 in the 2nd-Half and barely hung-on for the 24-22 Win. While 24 points is not great, it’s close to our 25.5 average for the year and only a few points below what we have averaged in the Playoffs in the Rogers Era. The big concern is what happened to the Defense over the last few games? We have slipped from a Top-5 scoring Defense to 12th best, and only rank 11th in Point Differential and all of the stats are heading in the wrong direction. The Brownies game turned-on interceptions. We had four in total, and a plus-4 overall Turnover-Differential. Savage and Sullivan each had one pick and Rasul Douglas had two, with his second snuffing out the Brownies chance at a game-winning FG. (Note, at plus-4, the NFL average outcome is a 17-point victory.) The interceptions were great, but we should have had five. Mayfield threw a bit behind Stokes, or he surely would have caught this one. Mayfield had The Covid and flew into GB on Christmas morning. The interceptions were fantastic, but that’s not to say that we played all that well on Pass Defense. The third Browns TD that pulled them to within 22-24 was a disaster of confusion. LaFleur had this to say: “I thought about calling timeout in that situation. I was hoping that we would communicate a little bit better, a little quicker and get the call in a get our guys aligned because you never want to see that. They didn’t throw it to the guy that was uncovered, which I was a little bit shocked at, but those are very frustrating because those are self-inflicted wounds that tend to get you beat.” W and T and F … Really? What has Coach even more worried is that the run Defense has all but disappeared. We have regressed to No. 31 in yards allowed per rush attempt at 4.8 yards/attempt for the year and the trend is in the wrong direction. Stiff Chub penetrates slippery perimeter Chubby did quite a number on our Defense, particularly on the outside zone runs, and he average 7.4 yards/carry on the day. You know, the part of the Defense that Pettine encourages to run inside and sack the QB!?! The Browns overall averaged 8.8 yards per rush (vs. our 4.5) and 4.6 yards per pass (vs. our 5.9). WTF is going on with the Defense? It’s obvious that we have reverted to the Poutine Defensive philosophy of trying to sack the QB on every play, whether the other team is passing our not. Rashan Gary is now up to 8.5 sacks this year. The Browns game was the 2nd time he had two sacks in a game. Getting sacks is great, except when the play is a draw and not a pass. The situation was 3rd & 10 in the 4th Qtr, with the Browns down 24-15. Normally a passing down, but not an excuse to break outside contain. Rashan Gary is lined up at Left OLB (yellow box, #52). At the snap he jumps inside of Kenny Clark trying to make his way to Mayfield for the sack, only it’s a draw to D’Ernest Johnson, who picks up 30 yards on the draw play and sets-up the Browns 3rd TD. There were plenty examples throughout the game of us not playing disciplined for outside contain. One humorous/painful example is of Preston Smith … cheating inside only to be outrun by Anthony Schwartz for 13 yards … while being blocked by Mayfield. Humiliating. How it's supposed to look is how Cleveland's "91" (Joe Jackson) played outside contain. He shut our down our reverse attempt for a 10-yard loss. According to LaFleur: “We’ve got to get back to playing everybody do their 1/11th and not trying to make a play and press. I think a lot of times when we do that, we get ourselves out of position.” So, is there a root cause for the melt down on run D? Perhaps... Preston Smith at 8 sacks now after the Browns game. He was initially scheduled to make $12 million in 2021, but his contract was significantly restructured and includes the following 2021 Regular Season incentives: 6 Sacks $500k 8 Sacks Additional $750k 10 Sacks Additional $750k 12 Sacks Additional $1.2 million 14 Sacks Additional $1.2 million A problem in any business are the unintended consequences of bonus and incentive programs. A problem in GB? You decide. For cripes sake, can we just play old fashioned D and get a stop on 3rd Down? We can’t survive in the Playoffs on a diet of interceptions. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Star High School Quarterback Blissfully Unaware He’ll Be Jets Starter 4 Years From Now BEND, OR—As he excitedly slapped a teammate on the back after delivering a pinpoint 30-yard throw in practice, sources confirmed Wednesday that local star quarterback Cole Rabuck was blissfully unaware he would be the New York Jets’ starter four years from now. “He goes out there every day, he’s got a great arm, and he just loves the game so much,” coach Ron Sever said of the 17-year-old who will be drafted fourth overall to a 3-13 Jets team and whose fans will immediately revile him and blame him for every failure. “He’s got a great head on his shoulders and a bright future [of being drafted by the Jets and repeatedly humiliated on a national stage] ahead of him. He’s a generational talent, honestly, and if he keeps it up, he could be the next Aaron Rodgers, [Mark Sanchez, Sam Darnold,] or Peyton Manning.” At press time, Rabuck, who will reportedly express relief when he is out of the NFL by the age of 27, was telling teammates he wants to play football for the rest of his life. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Matt Nagy Boasts He'll Be Bears Coach For Two More Games CHICAGO—No shock to anyone, the Chicago Bears were one of the first among eight teams that have already been mathematically eliminated from any chance of a playoff appearance. Amid swirling rumors about his job security, Bears head coach Matt Nagy declared Monday he believes that he will coach the team's final two games of the regular season. Not because he is a good coach, but because the Bears have a long-standing policy of never firing a head coach during the regular season. Nagy has come as close as anyone, though, and Bears brass have publicly lauded a new NFL rule that allows teams to begin interviewing candidates during the final two weeks of the regular season if he won't be returning to the team in 2022. Earlier, Nagy told the players he was aware of no changes to the timing of the Bears' annual evaluation process for coaches, which typically concludes after the regular season. “I told the guys ‘That’s a win for us!’ They deserve to have some sort of feeling of what a win would be like. For me personally, I'm just really happy for the players that I haven’t been fired yet because I’m sure they would feel responsible. They’ll all be outta here when it happens a week from Monday. It will be good to start the new year this way, on a positive note." Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Wisconsin Wins 2021 NCAA Championship! (for real) Yes, the UW Women won their first NCAA volleyball championship the other day downing a formidable (not to mention, laden with hotties) Nebraska team. Dana Rettke is quite the phenom in the middle. Check out this Championship match winning spike! (click on link) And in other news, Bucky won the Las Vegas Bowl as predicted. It was a bit more of a grinder than expected with the Badgers nursing their lead the whole second half. Our true freshman Braelon Allen galloped for 159 yards and the D was stifling, just as we hoped and expected. They opened up with a Herbig sack followed by an INT on the Sun Worshipers’ opening drive. A decent Mertz pass and a Chenal TD got things off to a nice start. The second drive yielded another TD which capitalized on the ASU depleted secondary. After that, it was pretty much a parade with the D clamping down for the final 46 minutes of game time. Not pretty, but we won. Other than Khakipants's Wolverines getting shellac'd by the Georgia Bulldogs in the Orange Bowl, the Big Ten went undefeated in bowl games leading into New Year's Day. Not too shabby, but "Whoopdeefriggindoo!" because Bucky shoulda played Michigan in Indy. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Under normal circumstances, Coach would point out that we are about even on Offense with the Queens, we have a slight advantage with our D and we’re playing at home, so throw on a few more points and we “should” win by 5.1, which is driving the Vegas line to 6.5 points in favor of the Pack. “But” …. as we looked at above, our Run Defense is now at 31 (4.8 yds/attempt) and the Queens have the #17 Rush Offense (4.3 yds/attempt) “And” … throw out all that stuff in the days of The Covid, what is the Injured Reserve and Covid situation? We will be missing a total of 20 players for the game with the Queens, 10 on the Covid List and 10 in Injured Reserve. The lists for both are damn impressive (pretty damn depressing), including three 2020 Pro-Bowlers and a number of key starters. Reserve Covid List = 10 Injured Reserve = 10 “And” … we gave up about 4 yds/attempt to Dalvin Cook in our 34-31 loss to the Queens 34-31 Loss on Nov 17th, and he is averaging 4.7 yards/carry in 2021 (1067 on 226 carries). “But” …. the Queens also have a buncha guys out for the game (13 on IR and 5 on the Covid list, 18 total vs. our 19 with MVS coming back), so arguably we are even on missing players. Where does that leave us for this weekend? Well, for sure Rodgers is not worried about idiot ViQueens fans who have to hold their buddies back from trying to sucker-punch him… … what he is thinking about is how we lost our last two games to the Queens and we are only 3-2 against them in the Rogers/LaFleur era … including losing the last two at the Humpty-Dump-Deux. In the first game between the Vikings and Packers this season, Minnesota came out on top by a score of 34-31 after running back Dalvin Cook and receivers Justin Jefferson and Adam Thielen combined for over 300 yards against the green and gold. Now QB Kirk "Kissin" Cousins is recently ruled out with COVID, so with Thielen also being out … … and Minneapolis essentially being out of the playoff race after their loss to the Rams last week … … expect this one to be another tough Divisional game, but it will break the Packers’ way and pretty much match the long-term average score. Packers: 28 ViQueens: 24 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them With Borky out this week, Coach feels compelled to remind you, the astute reader, that our hot-and-cold punter also manages the holding duties for place kicking on Special Teams. So now the Packers are scrambling for a fill-in punter and place-kick holder. There has been considerable speculation regarding who will be holding for kicks (perhaps Randall Cobb?) and handling the punting duties (bring back JK Scott?) this weekend. All this got Coach to thinking about the 1975 Packers great, Dave Pureifory. When Chester “the Molester” Marcol went down after twisting his knee tackling a kick returner, Coach Starr had nowhere to turn in the middle of the game, so he asked the team if anyone had kicking experience. Packers DT, Dave Puriefory raised his hand and explained he kicked in high school in Ecorse, Michigan. With no other options, Starr sent Puriefory in to kick. He handled kickoffs okay (as any of us could, except Mason Crosby) and made 2 of 4 extra points (Huh, also similar to Mason Crosby!). He was already a Special Teams regular, so having an extra tackler on the field was a plus. There were no field goal attempts, as the Packers just went for it on 4th downs (see also, LaFleur game strategy with Mason Crosby).
Dave was known as the Tasmanian Devil on the field for his reckless abandon pursing ball carriers, but also known to be a very mild mannered sort off the field. After 6 years as a Packers DT with Dave Roller (and part of the self-titled “Gang Green” defense), he moved on to play for the Lions as a defensive end. He ended his career as a Birmingham Stallion in the USFL where he was a DE opposite Reggie White. How ‘bout them apples? So, summarizing, Corey Bojorquez, will eventually be playing defense next to Aaron Donald in the CFL after a brief stint with the Lions. Any questions?
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Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …the holiday traditions that NFL players have shared might not be all that impressive. Texans wide receiver - Brandin Cooks Jaguars quarterback, Trevor Lawrence Buccaneers quarterback, Tom Brady Jets quarterback, Zach Wilson Patriots right tackle, Trent Brown Chiefs wide receiver, Tyreek Hill Giants running back, Saquon Barkley Packers former quarterback, Brett Favre I think we all can create better holiday traditions than these knuckleheads. … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme We have the best record in the NFL without:
Matt LaFleur is Coach of the Year … mic drop And as an added schadenfreude bonus… … the Arlington Heights Staleys and the Portsmouth Lions were officially eliminated last weekend from the 2021 Super Bowl Tournament. What did Coach say ta youse last week? With Kenny Clark possibly out on a Covid Vacation, we might struggle a bit on Defense, but we have a much better team, and the Ravens have a worse injury record this year. Never-the-less … Jackson is just not in Rodgers’ league. Packers: 28 Ravens: 24 The game was Over the O/U, and the 31-30 final was even closer than the prediction … but Aaron Rodgers (132.2 Passer Rating) was better than backup Huntley (99.5 Passer Rating, but who was just as mobile as the injured Jackson). Offense (falls into the "I think I've seen this movie before" category...) Like pretty much every game this year the Offense started slow … long TD drives capped by AJ Dillion and Davante Adams TD’s, bracketed by a 3-and-out and a 4-and-out. And, also like many other games, the Pack went on a 17-3 run to start the 2nd half, starting with a 3rd Qtr opening drive of 80 yards in 13 plays ending with a TD pass to Aaron Jones. After giving up a FG, the Pack went up 28-17 after an 11 play, 88 yard drive ending in an MVS TD. The Pack went on to add a FG to make the score 31-17, but it “shudda” been 35-17 and a dagger into the “Old Browns”. Alas, Rodgers missed Lazard in the EZ twice during the game; the first time didn’t matter as Adams scored on the next play, but this one cost us 4 points and gave the Old Browns an opening to get back into the game. Defense (falls into the "I still don't trust our D in the playoffs" category...) Maybe injuries have caught up with the D, particularly with Kenny Clark not playing. But my heavens, it doesn’t explain how Darnell Salvage had his worst game as a pro. On the Old Browns first drive, Darrell Salvage went for the ball or pick instead of wrapping up TE Erin Andrews … which led to a 44-yard gain and the drive ended in a TD. Coach supposes that Savage lost his confidence as he was beaten like a drum by Andrews all day (10 receptions, 136 yards and 2 TD’s). WTF, reverse the technique on the two plays and Savage has it nailed. If he goes for the tackle in the first clip, he saves 40 yards. If he goes for the ball in the second, he saves 7 points … a one game lapse? Let’s hope so. The other problem all day was Huntley running for back-breaking 1st Downs and two TD’s. A recurring theme through the Capers and Poutine Defensive Regimes was lack of outside contain on pass and running plays. All four outside linebackers: Rashan Gary, Preston Smith, Jonathan Garvin and Tipa Galeai were culpable at various points in the game. Huntley was a problem all day (23 carries for 73 yards and two TD’s). Not having Clark to push the middle of the pocket was definitely a problem. Another problem? Not putting 11 guys on the field. WTF? Is Coach LaFleur bringing Maurice Drayton in to consult on Defensive alignments? It would help if both outside linebackers were on the field for every play. Up 31-17, apparently BeriBeri was feeling sorry for the Old Browns. On Huntley's three-yard touchdown around left end in the 4th, the Packers had a mind blowing substitution mistake and lined up with only one outside linebacker, Garvin, on the field. Both Smith and Gary left the game before the play, but only Garvin replaced them, and the Packers had only 10 players on the field. Yup, up 31-17 we let them back in the game with one mistake after another on Defense as they scored 13 unanswered points … and we were saved on a tipped 2-pt conversion. Moving on to an even more important question… How does this inept moron have a job? How bad were the special teams against the Baltimore Ravens? Let's count the ways. Green Bay defensive back Isaac Yiadom was called for fair catch interference early in the game when he ran over Baltimore's returner. Coach can’t ever recall this ever happening before – ever. Sure, guys have been blocked into the returner before, but never has a gunner watched a returner call for a fair catch and then run into him anyways. Unbelievable! ST Coordinator Mo Drayton said in his press conference that the returner leaned into Yiadom. Not only is Drayton inept at coaching, he sucks at bullshitting, too. After the Ravens cut the gap to 21-17 in the third quarter, the Packers could barely come up with a bloop kickoff. Throw in a delay of game on the punt team followed by a short punt with the game hanging in balance (after which the Old Browns scored) and you have a perfect formula to be One-and-Done in the Playoffs. Fire Drayton and hire any HS Coach in WI to run the Special Teams … and do it before Santa and the New Browns arrive Saturday! So how have we made it to 11-3? The macro stats are good, but not great. We are 14th on Offense, 10th on Defense and 10th on overall Point Differential. The answer is that we are doing very well on two stats that are not as visible. We are 2nd in net Turnover Margin and 3rd in Penalties per Game. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Friends, Family Worried Rock-Bottom Warren Sapp Will End Up With Own ESPN Morning Show MIAMI—Defensive lineman Warren Sapp spent 12 years in the NFL, earning more than $82 million over the course of his career. But a bad real estate deal, alimony and child support payments totaling $74,495 a month, and a lavish lifestyle all contributed to a bankruptcy filing in 2012, five years after he retired. Sapp claimed he couldn’t pay his $6.7 million in debt, even though he was still earning hundreds of thousands of dollars every month as a TV analyst and in appearance fees. Now, expressing concern over a recent spate of social media outbursts and drunken interviews, friends and family were reportedly worried Thursday that Warren Sapp’s downward spiral would lead to the former Buccaneer hosting an ESPN morning show. “Warren doesn’t look like himself lately, and I’d hate for him to sink to hosting a debate show with Suzy Kolber,” said a source close to Sapp, speaking on the condition of anonymity, who hoped to prevent the NFL Hall of Famer from spending the rest of his life debating trivial topics in a sterile Bristol, Connecticut studio. “The absolute worst-case scenario is him wearing some stupid hat because he lost a bet to Steven A. I’d hate to see an all-time great—and a friend— reduced to regurgitating talking points and screaming uninformed opinions. If he keeps pushing his tell-all book and wine brand so aggressively, it’ll only lead to him struggling to work an ESPN touchscreen.” At press time, Sapp’s loved ones hosted an intervention after the seven-time NFL All-Star drunkenly set up a green screen in his basement. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Allen Robinson Gives Bears List Of 12,482 Preferred Trade Destinations CHICAGO—After another disgraceful home loss (this time at the hands of the lowly Vikings), and their annual early elimination from making the playoffs, wide receiver Allen Robinson expressed a willingness to work with the Bears on figuring out the best deal for both parties, telling reporters that he has provided the organization brass with a list of 12,482 preferred trade destinations. “My list definitely includes the Buccanears, the Chiefs, any California team, and every SEC team,” said Robinson, who claimed his dissatisfaction with Bears’ front office was behind his push to join the Chargers, the Crimson Tide, or Google’s corporate front office. “Honestly, I’d even be happier in Detroit, there is a KFC in Indianapolis that would work for me, or any youth soccer team in Maryland where I could actually make a meaningful impact. I think my top choice besides the Seahawks would be the International Space Station.” At press time, the Bears were considering an offer for Robinson of a $100 gift card from a Best Buy in Trenton, New Jersey. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky Preps for Arizona State at Las Vegas Bowl These two teams on paper initially looked like a great match up. Identical records, check. Similar stats, check. Bucky is a bit better at D and the Sun Satans are a bit better at O in a conference that doesn’t play D. The last meeting was too long ago for anyone on the team (coaches included) to remember. So, there will be no chips on shoulders unless there is some nefarious alum tacking stuff to the bulletin board. Back in 2013, Bucky lost in the desert with a combo of Fail Mary, Bostick onside and Jazz Peavy 7 steps in the EZ TD catch. It was ugly, BS and ruined a good season. On behalf of some alumni who never forget (CLICK ON LINK), we hope Bucky hits ASU so hard that their helmets pop off and roll on the field with their heads in it. Here at the Badger Underground, we think:
The renegade Spotted Cow has already been delivered to select bars on the strip and the Johnsonville Brat semi is en route. With the intention of enhancing the postgame experience coach Chryst’s intern has hired a new staff member, funding the position from the soon-to-be-departed (but not soon enough) Joe Rudolph salary line. It is a relatively short road trip from Tempe to Vegas. These ladies don’t care who is opting out or transferring. Steer clear of the roofies! We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Let’s go way back in time to last week and review the Old Browns / New Browns story. In this week’s episode, the New Browns were created in 1999 (just like my kid was, on a davenport). Erin Rogers first game against the New Browns was in the 2009 Season and he opened the scoring with a 45-yard TD pass to Spencer Havner. My kid was 9, and we watched the game together on our new couch. How do we match-up statistically against the Brownies? Pretty well. They are a little bit worse on both Offense and Defense, throw in a coupletree points for Home Field advantage and we are about 7 pts better, pretty close to the Vegas line of 7.5. (After publishing this table for a couple of years now, Coach hopes that you, the loyal reader, have caught on to this magic formula which almost always explains the Vegas betting line on NFL games.) All time we are 13-7 against Cleveland with an almost 6 point winning margin. During the Rodgers era, the Pack is 3-0 against the Turds, including the Bert Hundley/Melissa McCarthy win in OT in 2017. Not a long track record … but yeah, we own them too. Why will we win They have a bunch of injuries; wait, so do we ... They have a bunch of Covid guys; wait, so do we ... They have this guy… And they have regressed since last year for 4 primary reasons...
How much did one COVID-stricken game mean to the Cleveland Browns? In a matter of two minutes (actual game time), the Browns went from being the leader in the AFC North with a potential victory, to the last-place team in the division with the 16-14 last-second-field-goal loss to the Las Vegas Raiders. The Browns will be steaming in the cold Green Bay air as they exit the tunnel, but we will cover the line and be better than the all-time average… (and Erin with get “The Record”). Packers: 28 New Browns: 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them This week Coach has relatives coming over for Christmas, and it reminds him of holiday visits to Grandma’s when he was a kid. One of the things I couldn’t figure out when we went there -- what the heck is a Davenport? Grandpa Coach used to say, “Be a good boy sonny and get my Pall Mall cigarettes out from under the Davenport,” or “Flip the cushions before Uncle Donnie passes out on the Davenport,” or something like that. I thought it was a fictional place, like the North Pole or the Vikings trophy case. Then when I grew up I finally found out what a Davenport was, it's a running back for the Green Bay Packers. Najeh Trenadious Monté Davenport was drafted by the Packers in the 4th round of the 2002 NFL Draft. Like poor Hall of Famer Warren Sapp, Davenport played college football at the University of Miami where he won a national championship. Most of his NFL career was plagued by fumbles and injuries that kept him off the playing field, despite his natural abilities. In his rookie campaign, he rushed for a respectable 4.7 yards per carry average before fracturing his left eye socket. Ouch. In 2003, injuries were minimal and he rushed for 5.45 yards per carry, good for the second highest in the NFL, and 30.1 yards per kick return. Mister we could use a man like Najeh Davenport again. On November 29, 2004, Davenport, in his first NFL start, rushed for 178 yards, 3rd highest debut start yardage in the NFL for the past 20 years. But later that year, Davenport broke his ribs and couldn’t take the pounding that the NFL deals out to RB’s. Fast forward to 2005, after starting running back Ahman Green went down with a quadriceps injury, Davenport took over as starter. In what would be his only start of the season, versus the Saints, Davenport scored two 1st-half touchdowns before breaking his ankle, putting him on IR and effectively ending his stint with the Packers. Off the field, you’ve probably heard of the notorious summer of 2004 locker room brawl between Najeh Davenport and backup quarterback, Tim Couch. Davenport more or less stated that Couch didn't meet the Packers high performance standards and essentially forced him out of the building. So Merry Christmas to all of Coach’s loyal readers. It should be no surprise to you that Christmas is Coach’s favorite holiday, mostly because it doesn’t land during the short week of the gun buck season, and I get to by myself cool shit in December without having to explain why to Mrs. Coach other than saying “It’s for Christmas!” What’s more, it’s a lot less confusing than Easter. At Christmas, we’re celebrating the birth of Christ – everyone gets presents! Cool! At Easter, another Christian holiday, I don’t get a day off of work (I already get Sundays off), we hide eggs, and there’s a bunny. I don’t get it. Anyway, here’s to Najeh Davenport! Hurray.
Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Bears fans have finally eaten their slice of humble pie... Bears fans sitting near Coach at Lambeau Field on Sunday night seemed, well, almost … human! Sure, they tossed out a couple reserved taunts early when the Bears went up 10-0, but that’s to be expected of any fan cheering on his underdog team in a hostile environment. But something was noticeably different this game… They didn’t make any outlandish statements like “Now we own you!” No, they were much more quiet and subdued – keen to bite their lips, believing what we all knew already – that the Bears would likely lose convincingly at the final gun. Coach also noticed Bears fans, for the first time, did not cheer lustily when a Packers player got injured. A nice improvement! They didn’t suggest Rodgers get immunized when he was slow to stand up after a sack, and they didn’t crow when Billy Turner left the game. If they weren’t wearing Bears apparel, I wouldn’t have even known they were Bears fans at all. I imagine the few smart people in Chicagoland turned their TV’s off at halftime – content to go to bed with a blissful smile on their face, ignorant of what the final score would actually be or how their loss would play out. Those who gutted it out pretty much got what the whole world honestly expected: a blowout of the Bears at the hands of the Green Bay Packers on national television. I only wish the Bears fans in the stands didn’t chant “Fire Nagy” so loudly in the 2nd half. That really hurt the chances of the guy trying to impress Matt LaFleur for the open 2022 Packers Special Teams Coordinator job … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme It would be awesome if Coach could brag on Rasul Douglas’ back-to-back games with Pick 6’s, but I can’t. It would be fun to remind you that Rodgers still owns the Bears, and Robert Quinn again mocked the discount double-check at his own demise, but that would be remiss. Nope, instead Coach has to talk about the TJ Rubley of LaFleur’s 3 football phases, Special Teams. Admit it, you’ve asked yourself “Is this the worst Special Teams display the Packers have had in a single game … ever … over 100+ years?” Then you probably fell back on the 2014 NFC Championship game in Seattle, when Ha-Ha gave up a not-so-funny fake field goal touchdown, and Brandon Bostick batted the ball away from Jordy Nelson to lose the onside kick (and the game), which certainly was a larger stakes Special Teams debacle compared to a regular season game against the lowly Bears. But, impact at this point in time aside, the Packers Special Teams is an embarrassment to professional football. Note: this is NOT the opinion part of The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! (that’s above), this is the factual, non-fiction, call-it-as-it-really-is portion of the show. Not only was it disgraceful for the NFL, it was a shame on everyone involved in any capacity with the Special Teams displayed on Sunday by the Packers. Shame on Brian Gutekunst for not providing a returner. Malik Taylor is not a returner. Amari Rogers is not a returner. On the Packers 53-man roster plus 16-man practice squad, they do not have a player who can return kicks or punts. And “really liking” Kylin Hill doesn’t help (hint: he is not a returner either, so keep looking next year). Shame on Matt LaFleur for ignoring his responsibility to prepare Special Teams for championship level play. As head coach, you are responsible for all 3 phases of the game. Even if you really like calling plays on Offense, your primary responsibility is the performance of the entire team. Special Teams did not have a bad week, they’ve had a dozen. Playing his own words back to him, “If you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse.” I wish Special Teams was as good as “not getting better” – 14 weeks into the season our Special Teams could not be any worse. REALLY – IT’S NOT POSSIBLE TO BE ANY WORSE:
Shame on Mo Drayton for lacking the guts to resign after the game. He is not qualified to coach Special Teams, much less coordinate them. Recall that Maurice was an assistant to the guy who got fired for incompetence last year (Shawn Menenga). By all previous accords, Drayton otherwise appears to be a stand-up guy ... So was Mahatma Ghandi, but I don’t want him coordinating our Special Teams either. And don’t give me that “we’ve got injuries” crap … every team has injuries. No other team looks this bad on Special Teams (and I am including junior high school teams here), even though technically we rank 30th in the NFL (Jets and Chargers rank lower in the obviously flawed ESPN Football Power Index). We just came off a bye week fer da cruy-yuy-eye, and had 2-weeks to self-scout; still, Special Teams got WORSE. MUCH WORSE. What the hell is Mo Drayton thinking? Case in point: MVS. Now, most of us generally like and root for Marquez, but putting the notorious concentration-lacking dropsie machine on the “good hands” crew is something I’m sure none of us would have done. …and we’re not even professional football coaches (except me, of course). Any competent coordinator would have corrected previous, and predictable, mistakes – not exacerbated them. Also, with the Malik muff out of bounds example earlier, that was the perfect opportunity to "coach" the outside guys on the kick return team to just bat the ball out of bounds! You don't need to catch it there! DUH. It's almost like our Special Teams players no nothing about Special Teams football, and that definitely falls on their coordinator. No matter how good the Offense plays, no matter how good the Defense plays, the Special Teams alone can lose a game. Sure the Defense gave up a couple big plays, but they also generated 14-points via a pick-6 and a sack turnover on a short field which led to a touchdown on the following play. Plus they had another turnover to boot. Our Special Teams kept the Bears in this game and gave them an opportunity to win late -- and when that's the Buccaneers on the other side, or the Cardinals, or the Cowboys, or the Rams, or any other team that is actually competent enough to be in the playoffs, it is unlikely the Packers can overcome their Special Teams liabilities. Coach was right about Capers, and Thompson, and McCarthy, and Menenga ... and it took at least 1 year too many to get rid of each one of those guys. Don't make that mistake again -- this could be our last chance to win the Super Bowl for quite some time. Fire Drayton. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Critics Claim Mac Jones Just Product Of Being Talented Quarterback In System With Elite Defense And Coaching FOXBOROUGH, MA—Slamming the rookie’s success as a fluke of organizational competence, critics claimed Tuesday that Patriots quarterback Mac Jones was just the product of being a talented player in a system with elite defense and coaching. “People are acting like Mac [Jones] is the next great franchise QB, but he’s only doing this well because he has a complete skill set and he’s surrounded by talent and coaches who know what they can expect from their players,” said Bills fan Derrick DiMaio, who claimed that Aaron Rodgers or Patrick Mahomes could be just as successful in a setup like Mac Jones has. “You take away his accuracy, his decision making, and the Patriots’ proficiency at developing players, and he wouldn’t be anything special. Just look at what having to deal with no supporting cast and a directionless, identity-less organization has done to Trevor Lawrence. That’s what Mac Jones would be like if he wasn’t being properly utilized and well-guided. It’s all luck.” At press time, Jets, Lions, Browns, Jaguars, Giants, and Bears fans were all wishing their teams could get as lucky as the Patriots seem to be with their draft picks over and over again each year. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Offensive Lineman Confused By Complicated Scheme Requiring Him To Make Block CHICAGO—Telling reporters that he had never seen a play drawn up like that before, Chicago Bears center Cody Whitehair admitted his confusion Sunday over a complicated scheme that required him to make a block. “I thought I understood what I was supposed to do on the play until the offensive coordinator drew this weird thing where he wanted me to block one of the pass rushers,” said Whitehair, adding that he asked his fellow linemen, including veteran Jason Peters, what the cryptic play call might mean, but no one could figure out why they would be expected to block all of a sudden. “I’m 29 years old, and in my whole career as an offensive lineman I’ve never once encountered a complicated play like this requiring me to block. I’ve also got a lot on my plate already as it is, since every play I already hike the ball to the quarterback, and after that I always hold my hand out to help him up from the ground once the play’s whistled dead. What about spreading my arms out and looking around as the other players rush past me? When am I supposed to do that? That’s the way I’m used to playing.” Whitehair reportedly wasn’t the only Bear having trouble deciphering the team’s play calls, as quarterback Justin Field told sources he was confused why the vast majority of the team’s offensive plays required him to scramble around in the backfield not seeing open receivers for a little while before getting sacked. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Badger Underground Holiday Edition Just like the Badgers, the holiday elves colors are red and white. Enjoy the ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The Colts? Yes, the Colts play a huuge role in this week’s game. OK kids, hang with Coach for a quick minute. Irsay assumed ownership of the Baltimore Colts in 1972 after acquiring the Los Angeles Rams and swapping franchises with Carroll Rosenbloom, all made official on the same day. A forerunner to Jerry Jones, Irsay's first controversial act with the Colts was his firing of head coach Howard Schnellenberger after he opened the season 0-3 and replacing him with general manager Joe Thomas. Middle linebacker Mike Curtis voiced the players' displeasure by saying, "In defense of Irsay, he's a nice guy, an emotional guy, but he doesn't know a lot about football.” Yup, Jerry Jones, Sr. With negotiations over revenue enhancing improvements to Baltimore’s Memorial Stadium at an impasse, one of the chambers of the Maryland state legislature passed a law on March 27, 1984, allowing the city of Baltimore to seize the Colts under eminent domain. The next day, fearing a dawn raid on the team's headquarters, Irsay accepted a deal offered by the city of Indianapolis. The Mayor of Indianapolis arranged for Mayflower to pack-up the team's property and transport it to Indianapolis in the early hours of the morning of March 29 where they were greeted by an ecstatic crowd. Step 1 Irsay’s move of the Colts to Indy What to do? Baltimore was without a National Football League team until another controversial move in 1996. Step 2, The Move, Browns to Baltimore Known in Cleveland as "The Move", on November 6, 1995, Cleveland Browns Owner, Art Modell, announced his intention to move the team to Baltimore, citing the inadequacy of Cleveland Stadium and the lack of a sufficient replacement along with his heavy debt. Subsequent legal action by the city of Cleveland and Browns season ticket holders led the NFL to broker a compromise that saw the Browns franchise, history, records, and intellectual property remain in Cleveland. In return, Modell was permitted to establish a new franchise in Baltimore, which was eventually named the Ravens. The Browns franchise was officially deactivated by the NFL in February 1996 and Modell was allowed to transfer its football organization to the Ravens. The Ravens are officially regarded by the NFL as an expansion team that began play in 1996. Ironically, Baltimore had to build a stadium that Irsay wanted for the Colts so they could attract the Browns/Ravens. So being nice can pay off, or in Irsay’s case, being an asshole usually doesn’t get stuff from politicians and taxpayers… The team name "Ravens" was picked in a fan contest a name that alludes to the famous poem, The Raven, by Edgar Allan Poe, who spent the early part of his career in Baltimore, and is also buried there. “Happiness is not to be found in knowledge, but in the acquisition of knowledge.” - Edgar Allan Poe Now you know why you enjoy The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! Step 3 … Colts to Cleveland? Immediately after the “Old Browns” left Ohio a group was lobbying to get an NFL team for Cleveland. In a mind-boggling series of events, before the “New Browns” were born, Irsay was pressuring Indianapolis for a new stadium and even threatened moving to Cleveland from Indy. Had it happened the Browns and Colts would have simply switched cities over a 15-year period. Obviously, that didn’t happen and next week’s opponent, the “New Browns” were established in 1999. History Lesson Completed … So this week’s opponent is the Baltimore Browns, er, uh, Ravens. We don’t have much history with them, but we are 4-2-0 in our 6 games against them. In a bizarre twist, our average score has them winning 22.5 to 18.0! This year they are behind us by almost 2 pts/gm on Offense and by a point on Defense. Throw in Home Field advantage for the Ravens and we have about a point advantage, which is where the betting line opened this week (-2). During the course of this week it became clear that Lamar Jackson would be severely hobbled if he can play at all this Sunday. The revised betting line moved to Packers by 7. Why will we win? Simple math … 12 is greater than 8. With Kenny Clark out on a COVID vacation, we might struggle a bit on Defense, but we have a much better team and the Ravens actually have a worse injury record this year. Never-the-less … Jackson is just not in Rodgers’ league. And if that isn’t scary enough for the Ravens, ponder this… Packers: 28 Ravens: 24 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Before Aaron Jones was drafted by the Packers in the 5th round in 2017, another UT El Paso player was drafted by the Packers, Chris Jacke. Taken in the 6th round of the 1989 draft, Chris was not much of a sombrero wearer, but he is a Packers Hall of Famer and the 4th leading all-time scorer behind Mason Crosby, Ryan Shortwell, and the great Don Hutson. He was also known as a bit of a ladies man around Green Bay and Fox Cities haunts, but I digress...
While Chris was a gregarious, outgoing sort, he was still just a kicker, and kickers as we know tend to be outcasts on any football team -- and the 1996 Packers were no exception. After his infamous shagging of the coach’s daughter, and shanking game-deciding field goal attempts in the 13-10 OT loss to the Queens and the 34-31 loss to the Lions, Chris earned an extended stay in the proverbial doghouse. Young backup QB’s and kickers tend to band together. The lonely kicker queried his bud Mark Brunell for any ideas on how to quickly gain street cred with the power guys on the team. In this pre-Jeffrey Epstein era, the ticket was any combination of bow hunting, rural bars with pool tables and young girls. As a much-needed bye week coincided with the November whitetail bow hunting rut, Chris arranged a pre-CWD Counties getaway through friend and wealthy single landowner Peter Tork. The next thing you know, Chris, Brent Ferve, Frankie Winters, and Mark Chmura were careening down Highway 41 in a 1977 collector’s edition blue VW microbus with several cases of Old Style and bottles of booze on board. Brett was called upon to talk their way out of a 4 mph-over-the limit speeding ticket in Rosendale as aluminum empties rolled out of the sliding door of the bus and clinked on the pavement at the heels of officer Fife. Thirty minutes later on Hwy 23 as they reached the gates of Montello, the guys noticed a bustling gentlemen’s club “The Foxtail.” The evening went swimmingly and each of the guys hit it off with the local help. As bar time approached, there was unanimous agreement that the party should carry on at the lodge that Chris booked. One of the performers inquired ‘where are we going?’ Chris provided directions to the Mason Lake Lodge and indicated that Mike the bartender would be agreeable to keeping the bar open after hours. The performer replied ‘that’s a gay bar! We’re not hanging with you queers! We’re out! No wonder you guys lost to the likes of Detroit and Minnesota.’ Brett, Mark & Frankie pondered the idea of driving back to Green Bay and letting Chris find his own way home. After careful consideration, they opted not to bail as they had a day of peak-rut bow hunting ahead of them. Following an 8am wake-up, Brett was upset that they should have been in their tree stands at least two hours earlier, missing prime time big buck bow hunting. They hastily boarded the VW microbus and sped off to the woods. Approaching the Tork woods, a flock of chickens sprinted across the road in front of the speeding blue bus. A swath was cut through the flock, with the rearview mirrors reflecting white feathers swirling in the bus’s contrail. Chris felt compelled to stop at the farmhouse and apologize to the gap-toothed wife of the owner. Some of the chickens survived, but were fluttering in circles on the lawn with symptoms resembling those of a broken neck. Chris apologized profusely to the farmer’s wife and asked if there was anything he could do. The lady responded ‘ring their necks! It’ll have to be chicken soup for dinner tonight!’ With prime hunting time being of the essence and ticking away, Chris began snapping necks and the bus resumed it’s journey to the woods. Upon arriving at the woods, Chris shared bottles of “Buck Suicide” with his teammates. “I read about this stuff in Field & Stream. It works! Just put some on your boots and camo.” Frankie noted that it smelled like urine, but that the previous night’s excesses could have compromised his senses. Twenty minutes into the hunt, Chris’ heart was racing as a spike buck followed a doe under his tree stand. Feeling compelled to impress his teammates, Chris nocked an arrow and felled the spike buck (eventually) with multiple arrows to the stomach. While dragging the deer back across the neighbor’s property line, Chris was confronted by the angry landowner (Geoff Liniment) for not requesting permission to enter his property. As he swallowed his pride and resumed the deer drag, Chris pushed a 7-point buck in Brett’s direction. Brett dropped the deer (eventually) with an arrow up the hind quarters (a.k.a. “Texas heart shot”). After a brief ‘congratulations’ to Brett on the good shooting, Chris offered to drag the deer to the road, tie both to the blue bus and drive them to the local Bar & Grill / registration station in the nearby town. That way, Brett could keep hunting as the group had two tags to fill. Upon walking to the Tork farmhouse, Chris was attacked repeatedly by an exotic looking yellow-headed pheasant pecking at his leg. Having gained valuable experience earlier that day, Chris proceeded to ring the pheasant’s neck and avoid disrupting the hunt. A hundred yards later, Chris was greeted at the farmhouse by Peter Tork. They exchanged pleasantries and Peter asked if Chris had seen his pet pheasant with the yellow head. “She’s a real beauty. I raised her from being a chick after driving to South Dakota to get her.” Chris carefully tied Brett’s buck to the VW bus’s rear bumper and his smaller buck to the spare wheel on the front with clothesline rope. As Chris drove off, Peter suggested that the deer might not be tied on securely enough. Chris assured Peter that neither deer was going anywhere. While driving to the registration tavern, other vehicles were flashing their headlights at Chris. He gave them the thumbs up and a smile repeatedly crossed his face over how appreciative the Wisconsin locals were of successful deer hunters, let alone how impressed they must have been at the two bucks. Upon parking at the bar, the locals with angry looks on their faces appeared far less impressed. Exiting the bus, Chris was shocked to see that Brett’s 7-point buck had fallen off the bumper and had been dragged by rope for several miles. It was two parts road rash, three parts deer with fur intact, and one-part mangled antlers. A few days later, Chris invited Brett, Mark and Frankie to a deer butchering party at the recently purchased house he shared with his future former wife Tracey. New neighbor Scott offered to help out with butchering and set up the back patio firepit for cooking the tenderloins while putting down a few beers. Scott, Chris & Tracey decided to get a head start, downing several beers while waiting for Brett, Mark & Frankie to arrive. The wait lasted a couple more hours and several more rounds of drinks. Chris thought it would be a good time to set off a half stick of dynamite left over from his buddy’s bachelor party in Ensenada. Unfortunately, the dynamite blast knocked several rows of siding off of Scotts house. Brett, Mark & Frankie never arrived. Chris & Scott butchered the deer themselves. When finished, Scott asked what should be done with carcasses? After weighing multiple options, including dumping them off at the closest McDonald’s dumpster under the cover of darkness, Chris concluded it would be most efficient to drag them across the street and stash them in a ditch of the wooded State Park. Nobody would find them. It was getting late and bye week downtime ended the next morning. Chris needed to kick straight and earn back the trust of coach Holmgren. The Packers eventually went on to beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl, but Chris’s relationship with Mike Holmgren was broken. Chris felt snubbed after he wasn’t invited to the White House with the team to meet President Clinton, a fellow admirer of, well, let's just say "younger" women. The following spring, Ron Wolf low-balled his contract offer and reached to draft Penn State kicker Brett Conway to replace Jacke. Conway was a bust and was replaced by Ryan Longwell. Chris bounced like a Bears triple-doink from the Steelers and Redskins to the Arizona Cardinals for the 1998 & 1999 seasons, but never sold his Wisconsin residence until after Y2K... In the Spring of 2000 officer Fife was promoted from his Rosendale beat to the Brown County sheriff’s department, his first case was a complaint of skeletal deer remains being found in the State Park ditch -- with ear tags registered to a "Christopher Jacke." Officer Fife was greeted at the Jacke residence by wife Tracey, who subsequently filed for divorce. She was jailed after police were called to break up a fight between the two. According to Capt. Gary Van Den Heuvel, "She confronted him at a downtown bar. He claimed she slapped him in the face and also that she ripped his shirt.” No one has heard from Chris since. So, if you know of Chris’ whereabouts… uh, well – I guess nobody really cares, just keep it to yourself. |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
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