So, I know what you’re thinking… “Yeah, we’re here looking for a new patient of yours, uh, ‘Nelson, …Jordy’ – what room is he in?” [The wheels on the bus go round and round, …] “Time to get this Nick Perry manikin back to Kohls.” “No, Morgan, I have never been to Ferguson. Please stop asking me that.” “There’s something messed up with my Fitbit. Wait, are you listening to… children’s music?” “There you go. That’s for you.” “Man I hope the eggs don’t fall out again.” “…and Morgan was like, ‘Man, you ever been to Ferguson?’ and Gordy got all panicky again.” “People of Earth, I come in peace.” “OMG! Here comes Coach Clarahanson!” Create a seam here - X's & O's about the game or a scheme You had your doubts, but we killed the Giants (Click on Link) as Coach predicted, although 38-13 was a little bit bigger margin than Coach’s 31-24 forecast. So let’s review Coach’s reasons why we’d win and see how they worked out… Prognostication No. 1 The rookies are going to have a good game on D and make some real contributions… Result? Achieved! The whole D stepped up, the old guys and the young guys Much has been made of the Halftime-Hail-Mary, but coach thinks the game turned on a play a few minutes earlier. Despite our lack of offense, the Giants were at their end of the field and only up 6-0 when the oldest guy on our team sacked Mr. E. Manning at the 8 on 3rd down. The ensuing short punt was returned to the Giants 38 by Micah Hyde and a few plays later Davante Adams was in the end zone. From 7-6 the Packers never looked back. Young guys stepping up for the big game? Jake Ryan, LaDarius Gunter and yes even Damarious Randall all had one of the best games of their short careers. Gunter pretty well shut down Nautical Capitaine Odell and – not to be outdone, Jake Ryan was not only his reliable self in run defense, but he also had 3 passes defended, including one to the dangerous “Boats-n-Ho’s” Beckham. Some cred goes to our favorite legume, too, as Capers started double-teaming Odell Beckham as we figured out how to shut down their deadly 1st quarter crossing routes. Nice that Mr. McCarthy recognized how well crossing routes worked for THEM, and then used our decoy, Cook, to open up the middle for US in the 2nd half. Don’t get me wrong, MM had some real bonehead maneuvers in the game (see WTF), but helping Rodgers take advantage of what the Giants were giving him (crossing routes) was excellent! CMIII had one of the more spectacular plays of the game when he dislodged the ball from Giants players twice on one play; first the strip sack of Eli and then a heads up play to re-arrange the DNA of Paul Perkins when he picked up the fumbled ball. As part of the de-cleating of the RB, the ball came loose again and Clay recovered. Coach agrees with with Clay and is frustrated that he only got credit for one fumble on the official score sheet. Damarious added a pick in the endzone during garbage time, that he almost turned into a Pick-6, but Ha Ha tripped him at the Packers 29 because he thought it would make sense to follow Julius Peppers example from the 2014 NFC Championship in Seattle and not let a DB score. Admit it, you were screaming at him to kneel down after he picked it, weren’t you? Yeah, me too. Prognostication No. 2 Micah Hyde is going to take a punt return to the house --- he’s overdue… Result? “Sort of” Special Teams played their best game of the year overall. Both Schum and Crosby did an outstanding job kicking the ball and Janis did a fantastic job on punt coverage, holding a pro-bowl returner to 3 yards in punt returns. Perhaps more importantly both Hyde and Janis did a great job on returns, putting the Pack in great field position. Let’s face it, we’re better off saving the kick return for 6 for the game in Dallas. Prognostication No. 3 ….is well… No. 12, nuf sed… Result? “Jekyl/Hyde” When it’s all said and done AR had a fantastic game overall, but what happened during the first 27 minutes? The first 5 drives had only 20 plays and resulted in 5 punts. We are lucky the D and Special Teams held the NYFG to 6 points during that time. As you already know, the next 8 drives resulted 6 scores for 38 points and a blowout win. All Coach can say is: “Fantastic, but if we start that slowly in Dallas we’re toast.” The slow start included the “buddy pass” to Nelson which resulted in a drop and two broken ribs. Fortunately, Cobb, Adams, Cook and Underwear League star Geronimo Allisonwonderland had great games to offset the loss of Jordy. By the way, if Jordy didn’t juggle that dart, he wouldn’t have got hurt. Just sayin. Prognostication No 4 We’re playing at Lambeau during the Prime Slot of the entire Wild Card Weekend. Coach will be there; you will be there and 82,000 other rabid Packer fans will pull the team to victory. …Result? “absolutely kick ass crowd” The crowd was perfectly lubricated and prepared for the big game and Coach is really proud of all of you! A personal favorite is the guy holding the “Bears Still Suck” sign at a playoff game against the Giants (which was directed toward a guy in Bears gear who left early because he got cold). Last year the visiting team won all 4 Wild Card games; this year, the home team won all 4 Wild Card games. Coach politely points out that the better team usually wins and you have a cranial/rectal inversion if you think it’s a Home/Away issue. As Coach has been trying to teach you, scoring more points than the other team is good – and if you look at the Point Differential from the regular season, the team with the higher differential won 75% of the games last weekend. (And the one that went the other way was the Raiders, who lost their starting QB and home field advantage over weeks 16 & 17. With Derek Carr they arguably would have killed the Texans like General Antonio López de Santa Anna. Look it up.) In fact, Coach has looked over the last 10 years of playoffs and the higher Point Differential team wins roughly 75% of the games in the playoffs, and the exceptions tend to be very explainable (examples: Denver with fantastic shut-down D last year or Raiders with Carr injury this year). Using Point Differential to predict, it looks like all 4 home teams should win in the Divisional Round, and the closest game would be the Steelers @ Chiefs. We have some work to do this weekend, as the Cowboys had a substantially better regular season point differential of 115 vs. our 44 points. But when you factor in that 25% of the time the Point Differential underdog wins, congrats to New England, Kansas City, Atlanta, and GREEN BAY, baby! WTF – The Coach’s take on a bad ref call or a bad play call or the like Don’t do it … don’t do it … oh no, he’s gonna do it. Crap he did it. Mr. Terriblegamemanagement himself characteristically did the exact opposite of the thing you are supposed to do in a critical game situation. Up by 8 and on offense, but the Giants defense just got 2 convincing stops on less than one yard to gain, and we’re on OUR side of the 50-yard line. Shitforbrains goes for it. WTF, man? I feel like I can just cut-and-paste the same F’ing paragraph from WTF every other week. So, (obvious) it was stupid to go for it ... sure, easy to say now with hindsight knowing the Giants scored a TD 2 plays later after we turned the ball over on downs. But let’s, for the sake of argument, give Eminem the benefit of the doubt … I can appreciate not wanting to show fear after being soundly beaten (except for the actual score) for most of the game. So, if you’re gonna go for it on 4th and short, at LEAST select a high % play. The only play that DIDN’T work every time they tried it was running Monty off tackle left and off tackle right. Three of them to the right plus 1 of them to the left before the 4th down play yielded a net -2 yards. Why the hell would you call that damn play again when you HAVE to get a whole yard? It makes no sense, other than Marshal McCarthy being so stubborn about his play calling that he needs to get his ass handed to him until he abandons ship with his tail between his legs (finally). I liked that Mike McMathers put Aaron under Center for the call (provides the “Will they run or will they pass?” uncertainty), but (as you probably were hoping as I was at the time) you should use play action when they have the 8 defenders in the box and then bootleg out with a safety-valve or TE button-hook option. After all, ARod is the best player in the league … why take the ball out of his hands? I think maybe MM woke up to this fact, as demonstrated later by the critical 3rd & 1 rollout pass to Adams with 7 min left in game (2 plays later, same rollout right pass to Ripper, 2 plays after that Ripper punched it in to make it 38 pts). By Coach’s count, McCarthy is 1 for 6 on 4th and short in critical game situations, and I’m pretty sure I blacked even more out of my memory that will be revealed at some future point in time under the hypnotic care of my psychiatrist. Ever notice that our pathetic NFC Norris Division foes disproportionately tend to pick up our cast-off players? Minnesota famously picked up Greg Jennings and Ryan Longwell when we let them walk because they were past their prime (and turned from choir boys into mouthy prima donnas). Then last year the Queens grabbed our practice squad reject, Charles Johnson (who happened to beat out their 1st round draft pick WR from this year, Laquon Treadwell). And remember when the Deetroit Lions picked up Bill Schroeder? We really paid for that (not). Now they signed our beloved, recently departed poster boy for the walking wounded, Jared Abbrederis. How so? Well, this is the time of year when NFL teams begin signing players to non-guaranteed “futures” contracts, essentially giving them a chance to compete for a spot on the 53-man roster during the spring (and for a crack at Maria Bartiromo). The Lions announced Abbrederis and eight other players from their practice squad signed futures deals on Monday: Tight ends Khari Lee and Kennard Backman (yep, drafted by Ted in 2015 and cut this year), running back Mike James, linebacker Steve Longa, wide receiver Andrew Turzilli, safety Charles Washington and offensive linemen Mike Rotheram (yep, Packers UFA that Ted released) and Brandon Thomas. Anyways, that’s what shitty teams do when good teams are playing football in January. In other news, last Saturday before the start of the wild-card playoff round, the NFL quietly deemed Seattle a NFL sanctuary city, meaning that the home team Seahawks would not be flagged for flagrant rules violations. After their game, Lions head coach Jim Caldwell said "That explains a lot." Purportedly, the Falcons have filed a request with Commissioner Roger Goodell for similar status in Atlanta. Goodell agreed to make a ruling prior to their game this Saturday, but also indicated he would not disclose what the ruling is, stating "...oh, I think it will be obvious by the end of the game." Bears Still Suck - the Coach has proof In an effort to provide much-needed psychotherapy services and professional support to local Chicago communities, the NFL officially unveiled a new counseling center Thursday for Bears fans struggling to cope with devastating blowouts and losing seasons. “With this new facility, which is open 24 hours a day, fans will be able to come in and talk through feelings of severe depression, anxiety, grief, anger, and hopelessness with our highly trained staff in a supportive, confidential setting,” said NFL spokesman Greg Aiello, noting that patients have the option of speaking to therapists one-on-one or joining a group session to help them come to terms with a disastrous Bears performance. “Of course, the center is not just for those suffering in the immediate aftermath of a particularly difficult or traumatic loss. Patients may also receive care when the team is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, the front office offers a new contract to an under-performing player, or any other such issue arises within the Bears organization that causes significant emotional pain and mental anguish. Our message to depressed or suicidal Bears fans is clear: You are not alone, and help is here.” Aiello went on to say that while the NFL chose to place its flagship counseling center in the city of greatest need, plans are in place to soon open similar facilities in Jacksonville and Cleveland. Udder stuff – commentary from the Badger Underground This week marks one of the toughest weeks for college football fans. The bowls and playoff games have wrapped up and most likely, your team did not hoist the national championship trophy at the podium. We have no more games to look forward to. The final rankings are in, along with pre-season rankings for next year. Wisconsin finished #9 in both EOY polls, one slot ahead of Michigan. How deserving, given that Wisconsin won its bowl game and Michigan lost theirs – thanks in part to Jabril Peppers faking a hamstring injury on the eve of their game vs. Florida State. So as to not make the connection too obvious, Peppers waited a couple of weeks to announce his entry into the NFL draft. The Weasels star tight end, aptly named Butt, was not so lucky. He was fixing to declare, but tore his ACL or MCL in QTR 2 of the Orange Bowl. We will see him in Camp Randall next year. Not faking injuries, contributing to their team’s bowl win and coming out a year early for Wisconsin were TJ Watt and Ryan Ramczyk. Good moves for both as their draft projections likely could not go any higher. Watt has already experienced two knee surgeries and Ramczyk underwent hip surgery in the last week. There would be plenty to lose with any season-ending injuries during their senior seasons. As you know, we think using rankings to decide playoff teams is a crock. Nevertheless, it looks like the voters did OK in picking the top two teams (see also, the BCS). They looked like the cream of the crop compared to #3 through about #12. These next-tier teams look to be relatively evenly matched. With that in mind, here is the O-Fish-L Badger Underground end of year ranking: 1. Clemson - They won on a last second TD and a fantastic comeback against Bama. One cannot argue with that! 2. Alabama - They are a strong team and lost fair and square on the field. One cannot argue with that. 3. Tied – Bucky, Ohio State, Weasels, Penn State, Sooners, Pine Trees, U-Dub, University of Spoiled Children. 11. Notre Dame – Why not? They won 4 games and are perennially over ranked. 12+. Thank you for your participation! Looking ahead to next year’s schedule, Wisconsin is taking the U-Dub approach to scheduling non-conference games and faces Lane Kiffin’s FL Atlantic team in week 2. A road game at BYU highlights the non-conference schedule. Conference play features Iowa & Michigan at Camp Randall during the November whitetail rut. Kickoff for the Michigan game likely gets moved to 3pm, allowing ample time to fell that 10-point buck opening morning of gun season (unless you have a niece that plans her wedding day then because, remarkably, the reception hall was available that day), rehydrate with a couple of homebrews, do a few laps parading your buck through downtown Mad Town and from bar to bar with the tailgate down, recall with fellow patrons the first and last time you let a friend improperly tie down your deer and transport it to the registration station, issue advice to fellow hunters who have not yet tagged out, rekindle your buzz with a couple more homebrews and settle in for a Wisconsin ass-kicking of Michigan. BU staff expects Wisconsin to go into Indy undefeated and ranked in the top 5. We’re gonna kick you’re a$$ - predictions for the next game The divisional round, where the men are separated from the boys (insert your own personal favorite Penn State joke here). The Cowboys will try to prove that they’re the big boys of the conference, but will be relying on rookies to take them to the promised land. The Dakota Prescott story is remarkable. Kudos to the young lad for overcoming so much to get to the NFL, and now being one of the best quarterbacks in the league. His late-round selection is similar to the Tom Brady rags-to-riches tale, but “Dak” also had the additional challenges of having to overcome fleeting fame at a young age when he became a washed up childhood actor, and then subsequent criticism for portraying a sex-starved vixen when trying to make a comeback on the silver screen, before finally becoming the first NFL player to openly admit s/he had a sex change operation to become a man. That takes balls (…and where do they get them from? Cadavers? Gross.) Of course, the media attention to this topic has been a bit overwhelming, but Dak just takes it in stride. Said Prescott, “Uh, I’m kinda used to it by now. It doesn’t really phase me anymore. I switch gears every once in a while when I’m feeling lonely or confused – like I might wear a pink scarf or something, and sometimes I miss my tits, but overall it’s been pretty great.” Prescott then added, “I know I can overcome the challenges I face on the field. Ever since Dan Marino took me under his wing, I knew I could have success in the NFL. I’ll always be grateful to him and to Mr. Winkie for making it possible.” (Click on Link) It’s hard to argue with Dak’s success. Well, the stats are against us, but we have karma and number 12. As you can see below, we are 3-4 vs. the Cowboys in the playoffs, and in 6 of the games the home team won. BUT, the very first game in the series was a 34-27 win by the dominant Lombardi Packers over the ascending Landry Cowboys. We owe it to ourselves to go to Jerry-World and “bookend” tie the all-time Playoff series at 4-4. In all games, Regular Season and Playoffs, the series is tied 17-17-0, with an average score of 22.6 for the Pack vs. 22.3 for the Cowboys. This game will give us the chance to pull ahead 18-17 and widen the score gap. Of course, all the statistics and history are fun and we can look at that next week after we beat the Cowboys. What worries Coach going into this game is that our Defense will have to play very differently against Dallas than against the NYFG. Against NY we frequently had 6 players in the box and two safeties with man coverage underneath. Against the Cowgirls, look for us to play some 3-4 (yes actually 3 DL on the field) and maybe some 4-2 nickel D. We have to stop the run first and take our chances with Dak hitting Dez on big plays. So here goes, this is why the Pack is gonna beat Dallas: No.1 To celebrate Bart’s Birthday. Happy Birthday to the only QB with 5 NFL Championships and the highest post season winning percentage of all time. Bart Starr, an avid reader of The Coach Clarahanson Show!!!, turned 83 on January 9th of this year. Bart, our best wishes to you on your continuing battle with health issues. In honor of you, Coach predicts a recreation of the first Playoff game score 50 years ago at the Cotton Bowl; Packers 34, Cowboys 27. What the heck, the Cotton Bowl this year was played at Jerry-World … it’s a circle of life thing. No. 2 AR will start fast and we will score first. Well, everybody else is sayin it. Why can’t I? No. 3 We will be +1 on turnovers. There might be only 1 turnover in this game, and it likely will have a big impact on the game. No 4 We will score on either Defense or Special Teams. Good thing Micah saved it. No 5 The Big Legume actually schemes to stop the run (study the tale of John Jurkovic and run-defense from the 1995 NFC Championship Game below) JB – Packer players you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Playing the Cowboys in Dallas in a playoff game, Coach can’t help but think of Jurko, John Jukovic! "One of those great stories," said Packers coach Mike Holmgren…
Jurko came to the Pack in 1991 as a free agent from Eastern Illinoise via the Dolphins and made his way from the practice squad to the starting line-up. He played with the Pack throughout the ’95 season and then was replaced by Santana Dotson for the ’96 Season. A dumpy looking guy who was a run stuffer and a fan favorite in Green Bay because he looked like a guy from the bar downtown or the assembly line, and he was funny, too. Playing with Reggie White, Gilbert Brown and Sean Jones as the DL for Fritz Shurmur’s 4-3 scheme, Jurko was a pretty good run stuffer and a part of the 1995 No. 4 scoring defense. They gave up 19.9 points per game and we can only wish that we were that good this year. The team was improving each year under Holmgren, but the Niner’s and the Cowboys were the royalty of the NFC and had to by slain. The Packers were the No. 3 seed in the playoffs, beat Atlanta at home and then went to Candlestick as underdogs where they completely handled SF 27-17. Coach and Badger Underground were at that game and bumped into Jurko in the hotel the night before kickoff. I said to him (slightly heavily inebriated) “Give ’em hell tomorrow, Jurko!” and he replied with a wink, “We’re gonna ‘try’….” We could tell by the look in his eyes that the Packers had supreme confidence they would win, and they did convincingly. Then they went on to Dallas for the NFC Championship game where Brett got off to a slow start. (Paying attention here Aaron?) The Packers were containing Emmitt Smith, in no small part due to Jurko, and we led 27-24 at the end of the 3rd Quarter. Alas, Jurko took a cheap-shot by Jay Novacek and he was replaced by Darius Holland who got run over the rest of the game. Final score Cowboys 34, Packers 27. Coach eventually had the chance to discuss the game and the cheap-shot with Jurko at Kam’s Bar in Champaign where Jurko was doing the Bear’s pregame show in 2002. (He is originally from the Chicago area, so returning to that area makes sense, as he somewhat immune to how awful it is to live and work down there.) Jurko completely agreed that his presence would have made a difference at the end when Emmitt ran wild. I know what you’re thinking… “Coach, what the hell were you doing in Champaign, Illinois?” Well, the Bear’s played at Memorial Stadium in Champaign for the 2002 Season while Solider Field was being destroyed to put in the spaceship thing they have now. Coach thoroughly enjoyed watching the Pack destroy the Bears 34-21 on MNF there.
Today Jurko is a talking head on Chicago Sports Talk radio (and pretty good at it): “I love what I do. To me, it’s like going down to the corner pub when I was 19 and talked sports (note: the drinking age was 21). Now they pay me an inordinate amount of money. I’m blessed to be making more money than I did in my first four years in the NFL, I just wish I could announce for the Packers instead.”
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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