Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Now is the perfect time to build that Packers Man Cave you’ve been putting off… “Honey, I hafta bildit cuz we kant goah tooda games dis yeer - en so, fellas?” Look, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know about justifying the investment – it’s a no brainer this year; so I just thought I’d offer you some pointers when you start hanging dry wall in your basement…
Good luck, fellas! “Yooz gize got brats, er no?” Create A Seal Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme OK kids, buckle-up, we gotta another NFL Season in the windshield and we’re ready to go. If you jump back an episode to just before the draft, we were getting ready to throttle the Niners in the NFC Championship Game. Well…guess it didn’t turn out how we liked. The Niners lit-up the 14-3 Packers and exposed issues that had been there all season.
The game was over at 9:17 in the 2nd Quarter. Both Teams had 3 Drives at that point, the score was 17-0 and the body language revealed that the Pack had quit. Eventually it reached 27-0 before we scored at 8:49 in the 3rd Qtr. Rodgers, LaFleur and Poutine “won” garbage time 20-10 … yippee … we “only” lost 37-20. Let’s have a closer look at the beginning of the game. Drive #1 – SF ran 3X for 9 yds, go 3-&-out Drive #2 – Pack ran 2x, passed 3x, go 5-&-out So far, about what you’d expect in a heavy-weight bout, both teams feeling out each other. Drive #3 – SF ran 6 plays for 89 yds – TD Run 3x for 47 yds Pass 3x for 42 yds Observation: Packers D Confused The TD was scored on 3rd & 8 on the Packers 36. This is an obvious passing down, right? Well, just like George Washington and American Rebels didn’t line-up in pretty lines like they were “supposed to”, the Niners exploited the Pass-D formation, and an overly aggressive pass rush, for a 36-yd TD. The kicker is that the Niners ran an age-old trap-play that is a staple of every HS football program. Any HS coach in Wisconsin would be happy to teach the play, and how to defend it, to D-Coordinator Poutine. We had two basic issues on the play.
On the right side of the D-line Smith goes up-field and takes himself out of the play. Fackerell is also trying to go up-field, but is pushed to the ground by the Niners LG and then both are sealed off by the Niners RG who traps them and seals them off (black line on right side) On the left side, Martinez, Clark and Z Smith all rush to their left while the Niners LG and LT both come across and block-down on them (the black line on left side). Go back and watch the GIF loop a couple of times and it will make you sick. The Niners obviously studied our defensive tendencies and stuck it to us. But it gets better! Drive # 4 – Pack, 3 plays for -6 yds, which ended on a 12-yd sack. Not to be outdone by the O & D, coverage boys on Special Teams Coach Meningitis punt team allowed a 26 yd return to mid-filed on JK Scott’s 48-yd punt. Drive #5 – SF – Packers D only allowed 4 plays, but a 15-yd roughing-the-passer call on Clark got SF in FG range. 10-0 Niners. Drive #6 – Pack – started on 25 yd-line, 3 plays for minus 11-yds to the 14 (including a sack-fumble to the 14), then JK Scott shanked a 23-yd punt. Drive #7 – SF – 6 plays, 37 yards, TD. Take a look at the top of the GIF, the Niners left side of the line. Packers #51 is Fackerell and he is the only person on the right side of the D. He has “outside contain”, no one is supposed to get outside of him. Instead of doing his job, he bites on the run-fake up the middle, Mostert reads it, and bounces around left end for an easy TD. No wonder nobody tried very hard to re-sign Fackerell (he went to the Giants with let’s-tackle-the-guy-5-yards-down-field-Martinez during the offseason). Again, Poutine’s scheme was an issue (nobody on that side of the formation) and then Fackerell-f’-it-up (say that three times fast). At that point the game was over boys, the game was over. The Niners ran 42 times and only attempted 8 passes. Apparently they missed the new conference where Poutine famously proclaimed that it is “easier to get to Miami (the Super Bowl) in the air than by ground”. Poutine’s formula was exposed during Week 4 of the 2019 Regular Season when the Eagles beat the Pack on Thursday-Night-Nobody-is-watching-FB 34-27. The Eagles ran 33 times for 176 yards that night and then were 16 of 27 passing for 160 yards. So let’s go to the chalk board and see what the Pack had to look at when evaluating the Season. The chart below has a lot of information, so Coach will highlight a few items. The Good – turnovers and Mason Crosby We ranked #2 in giveaways, #8 in takeaways and #7 overall in turnover differential. We ranked #5 and #7 respectively in FG and XP %, thank goodness we have Mason Crosby. Scoring Defense we ranked #9 The Average – net Points differential #13 The Bad Tied for #32 with zero points scored on non-offensive plays. We had Zero (0) points from kick returns, fumble recoveries and interceptions. All rushing statistics were in the bottom 3rd of the NFL. All punt and kickoff return stats were in the bottom 3rd of the NFL. 14-4 was nice, and everyone received a participation trophy, but we never passed the eye-ball test. This, my friends, is why the Offseason Experts are so down on the Pack. But there is good news!! For the year the Offense was #23 overall in scoring, but we averaged 32.5 points/game during the four weeks that Davante Adams was out. This would have been #2 for the year. As the famous philosopher Townie said, “You can do it.” Those 4 weeks we ran the ball more, Rodgers ran the play that was called and he got the ball out on time. The Defense was average, but we scored enough points to dominate. Let’s hope they got this one figured out during the Offseason. OFFSEASON To-Do List for Gooty/LaFleur
Gooty got killed in the media for the 2020 draft, but if you look at the team after the cut-down to 53 the picture really makes sense. This year we only “lost” one player, Brian Bulaga. Coach wishes him well, but with his age, salary cap hit and his injury history, Gooty really had no choice but to let him go. Sorry. Addition by subtraction: Jimmy Graham…hallelujah, we should win at least two more games because of him gone. Blake Martinez … really nice guy, smart, stayed healthy, led the NFL in tackles 5 yards downfied. We wish him will the the NYG. Fackerell … coach has never liked this guy … he was material contributor to both Niners TD’s above, goodbye and good riddance. Coach was sorry to see Whitewater Jesus go (Jake Kumerow), but that was a numbers issue on the overall roster and they could only keep 5 WR’s. Not really a loss in the big picture. Improving the Offense? The Offense will be fantastic, Rodgers has his mojo back and looked sharp in camp…he just has to follow the play-book! On Offense we picked up two players, “Legs” Dillion, the first 375 pound running back and Josiah Deguara a FB/TE/H-Back, both of whom should contribute a lot this year. The WR position will benefit from MVS finally getting beyond his injury and the yips and the emergence of Tyler Ervin last year (as a RB/Reciever/Returner). The other wild-card is Malik Taylor, who tore-it-up on the practice squad. Overall the offensive roster looks pretty decent. You’d like to have “A” players at every postion, but the salary cap doesn’t allow that. Lane Taylor re-signed with a team friendly deal and has played outstanding at RG in Camp. The only real question on Offense is Right-Tackle … if the Pack puts the “best 5” on the field, don’t be shocked if Lane Taylor plays RT the first few weeks and Luca Patrick plays RG. Another option for RT is to sign Jared Velheer off of his couch. Maybe he’ll be on the team after the Week 5 Bye, but for now it’s a toss-up between Billy Turner and former Badger/Det Lion Rick Wagner as the options at RT. Both are knicked-up and neither is great, but Marcedes Lewis will be on the field a lot any way and can help chip-block on the right side. Can we stop the run? The honest answer from Coach is, who the hell knows? Kenny Clark is a real star, but he is not surrounded by a lot of talent. Coach will get back to you in a few weeks on this question!! The biggest weakness on the roster is the center of the Defense. Montravious is a bust and Oren Burks is average at best when he’s healthy. Lowry had a dismal 2019 (see previous episodes) and Lancaster is a border-line NFL player, but both were reported to improve during the offseason because they had Zoom meetings. Really? The biggest question will be if we can get rookie Kamal Martin and Chirstian Kirksey to stay healthy. Kirksey was a great signing from Cleveland and has been a really good player in Camp and he seems healthy for now. Martin is starting the season on IR and it’s a little bit scary that a rookie 5th round draft pick is who people are excited about! Keke, Ramsey, Bolton and Galeai all had very strong Camps, let’s just hope they can cover for Oren Burks and Montravious Adams. When you look at the offseason in total, I think you have to give Gooty a solid B. The starting line-ups look solid with a lot of potential talent on the depth chart. Overall Roster? We have good, above average, talent with only a few holes on the roster. Most encouraging to Coach is that clearly Gooty is building the roster in a way that is more than just #12. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Here are some of the headlines you might have missed during training camp… Jordan Love Becomes First Packer to Wear Irrational Number Minneapolis Rioters Loot Store, Take Everything Except Cousins Jersey Sturgis Motorcycle Rally Surprisingly Linked to 20% of US Coronavirus Cases in August The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Kristin Cavallari divorcing ‘lazy’ Jay Cutler because he was ‘unmotivated’ Gatlinburg, TN–Kristin Cavallari is divorcing Jay Cutler in part because she was sick of the former NFL quarterback lying around the house. The “Hills” star married Cutler in 2013 when he was the play caller for the Chicago Bears, and she thought he was lined up for a demanding career as a sports broadcaster after he hung up his cleats. But sources say that after his broadcasting career faltered, the ever-ambitious Cavallari, who announced in late April that the pair were splitting, found him “unmotivated” and even “lazy” — while he found that he had a penchant for hanging around in sweat pants on their Tennessee farm. An unconfirmed reliable source says she was growing increasingly impatient with him. He was supposed to take a big job at Fox Sports 3 years ago and have a life after football that would get him up off the couch and do something. Instead, he backed out to ride the pine in Miami as an oft-injured has-been, and was left with no TV gig until she got a show for them, the E! network reality series “Very Cavallari.” The source added that Cavallari “views herself as very polished and put together, and [Cutler as] this lazy, unmotivated guy.” As of this writing, Cutler has recently forgone another attempt at a broadcasting career, denying modest offers from WGN and ESPN deportes. Cutler is still expected to make an appearance on another TV series soon, however, with Las Vegas odds slightly favoring My 600 Pound Life over Cops. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Entire Michigan Team To Boycott Season After Coach Seen In NCAA Shirt Ann Arbor, MI—Condemning the choice to promote such a blatantly bigoted organization, the entire Michigan football team announced their intention Tuesday to boycott the entire Spring season after Coach Jim Harbaugh was seen wearing an NCAA shirt. “The NCAA logo represents the very exploitation and racial injustice so many of us are fighting against, and it’s disgusting that coach Harbaugh would promote them,” said running back Hugh Johnson, who claimed every single player had vowed to take a stand and sit out the upcoming season unless Harbaugh changed the culture that would allow such a vile display of hatred. “We feel betrayed. With everything going on, it’s just unacceptable to not understand the oppression the NCAA stands for. We are working every day to bring about change in this world, and yet the person who leads us is so clueless that he goes and wears a shirt that might as well say, ‘I like racism.’ Until Coach Harbaugh can show he understands what the NCAA stands for, we will not be suiting up.” At press time, the team had also vowed not to resume play until University of Michigan disassociated itself from the state of Michigan. Despite intervention by President Trump and others to nudge the Big Ten toward playing games this fall, college football game-day fun will be taking place on campuses outside the Big Ten. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game As we start the 7th decade of play between the Pack and the Queens we will see the 120th meeting of the two teams. The Pack leads the series 62-54-3, with an average score of 22-19. A few more fun facts: the two teams have combined to win 14 of the 18 division titles since the NFC North was formed in 2002, including 10 of the past 12. We also swept them in 2019. Loyal readers of this space all know the story of our 13 NFL Championships and the zero, nada, doughnut Championship trophies in the Queens Trophy Case (do they even have a Trophy Case?). But did you know that we have “won” 4 of the 6 decades we’ve been playing? So what happened over in St. Paul this offseason? Coach wishes he could extend sympathy to the Vikings for their really tough time this Offseason… They gave QB Kirby Cousins a huge 2-year contract extension to try to reduce his 2020 Cap number and they gave big contracts to LB Anthony Barr and TE Kyle Rudolph. Deep in Cap-Trouble, they cleaned-house and executed three-quarters of their Defense! Vikings Defensive Losses in Free Agency: DE - Everson Griffen DE - Stephen Weatherly DT - Linval Joseph CB -Xavier Rhodes CB - Trae Waynes CB - Mackensie Alexander S - Andrew Sendejo S - Jayrn Kearse …and this week they also just lost star DE Danielle Hunter for IR (which means at least 3 weeks without playing). In an effort to bolster the D they signed: Ravens DT Michael Pierce, but he opted out of 2020 because of CV-19 – and -- Jacksonville malcontent DE Yannick Ngakoue. He seems to be an undersized-one-trick pony and is suspect against the run, we’ll see on Sunday. Likely he will be lined up against Bakhtiari. Overall the Vikings Defense is now loaded with average talent and over half of them are new to the team … and … they have Dom Capers as a Defensive Consultant!!! Can Zimmerman coach-em-all-up? Maybe, but not for Week 1. The Vikings did squat on Offense. They traded WR Stefon Diggs for a buncha future draft picks and let their former 1st round draft pick WR Laquon Treadwell go in Free Agency. So at the WR position they basically have Adam Thielen (who reminds us of Don Beebe), and Don Beebe’s kid(!) who just came off IR. While they drafted LSU’s Justin Jefferson at No. 22 overall, it will take him a while to figure out the NFL, so the Packers DB’s should be able to completely shut down this group. Queen’s QB Kissin Cousin’s is 1-2-1 as a starting QB against the Packers and with the lack of talent at WR they will have to be conservative in the passing game. With the lack of talent on D, Zimmer will want to control the clock and will try to run on 60% of snaps. The OL is average, but everyone was on the Vikings in 2019 so they will work together and we’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. The Vikings OC – Gary Kubiak – comes from the Mike Shanahan coaching tree, so you can bet their game plan will look like the Niner’s, but with less pre-snap motion and a lot less talent. Dalvin Cook will be featured and he’s the real deal at RB. Last year he broke off a 75-yard TD against the Packers which was the longest run of his career and the second-longest ever by a Queen against the Packers. The only other mild concern is that TE’s Kyle Rudolph and Irv Smith will be on the field a lot. They’ll be blocking for Cook and catching play action passes from Cousins. In an exclusive interview with Coach, Viqueens HC and Chief Etiquette Counselor, Mike Zimmerman, admitted that he was really nervous about the game, saying “Shit, they’re going to kick our asses.” Yup, stay classy Minneapolis, stay classy. It will be a typically tough Divisional game, but the Pack will come out on top… Packers 21 Queens 17 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Gerry (pronounced “Gary”) Ellis was drafted by the Los Angeles Rams in 1980 as they came off of a Super Bowl loss (then later became the St. Louis Rams and won a Super Bowl, before losing one there, too, and then later again becoming the Los Angeles Rams and losing another Super Bowl; actually, the NFL Rams originated in Cleveland and won a championship there in 1945, but I digress…), but he couldn’t crack their crowded backfield. The former University of Missouri Tiger and Computer Science major then blossomed as a Packer, excelling as both a rusher and a receiver. At 5’11”, 215-pounds, Ellis caught 267 passes and rushed for 3,826 yards over 7 seasons. He scored 35 touchdowns as a Packer from 1980-’86 and ranked in the team’s top 10 as both a rusher and receiver at the time. Not too shabby.
In June 1987, acting as a guest instructor at the Reggie McKenzie Football Camp for underprivileged youth, Gerry (again, that’s pronounced “Gary”) ruptured his Achilles’ tendon during a workout at Highland Park, Michigan with fellow instructor Harlan Huckleby, the former Packer halfback from Detroit. Alas, that gesture of kindness cost Ellis his career, which was a damn shame considering he just inked a 2-year deal a few weeks before the injury. After quickly coming to grips that his football days were over, Gerry (“Gary”) then relied on his Computer Science background and immediately went to work for online service provider CompuServe, and is widely recognized as the brains behind the digitized short films that prevail on the internet today. Gerry’s Graphics Interchange Format, or “GIF” (pronounced “Jiph”), has since come into extensive usage on the World Wide Web due to its wide support and portability between applications and operating systems (such as the jerky shorts often used to show replays on The Coach Clarahanson Show!!!). Again, not too shabby. So, Gerry Ellis, however you say it, we salute you!
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
Categories |