Happy New Year and welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Much more than football is back… As the avid Coach Clarahanson follower knows, Coach does not follow preseason football much at all. But with LeRoy Butler going into the Hall of Fame this Summer, Coach was curious to watch the pregame festivities for the Hall of Fame Game in Canton, OH. To my pleasant surprise I learned that not only is football back, Melissa Stark is back! Sweet Jesus you were right, there is a God and he is good. [Just confirming, God self-identifies as a male and prefers the pronouns he, him and his. Jesus, too. Mellissa Stark? She is ALL WOMAN. Thank you, God.] Now we get both Carrie Underwood before the kickoff and Melissa Stark during the SNF games! As you can probably tell by the excitement in my prose, I am absolutely giddy. From my observations during the HoF game, it appears Ms.Stark has defied the aging process. Also, her spunky, short-cut ’do has been replaced with a longer flowing version of her spectacular blond hair. Her ice-blue eyes still penetrate through Coach’s cornea and leave a direct imprint on the millions of light-sensitive rods and cones that make up the back of my retina. Coach will definitely be inside the stadium walls of 1265 Lombardi Avenue extra early next Sunday Night for the home opener against the Bears, roaming the sidelines in full-on Creepy Guy mode seeking an up-close glimpse of the world’s most talented sideline reporter (apologies to John Kuhn). So, welcome back, Melissa! And, please forgive us drooling fans ogling you with construction-worker cat calls as you glide along the backdrop of the end zone, gracefully floating from one sideline to the other. NFL football is much better to see in person when you’re there, too … at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Let’s start with a quick review of the 2021 Regular Season … LaFleur achieved a milestone … … and now he has an even better Regular Season record than Marty Schottenheimer! (Although they remain tied for Super Bowl appearances at Zero.) With all the attention on LeFleur’s participation award, Coach would be remiss if he overlooked an extremely important moment for our Complicated Fella. His pharmacological research into the combined benefits to the nervous and immune systems of compounding ayahuasca with ivermectin in a suppository proved pivotal in the fight against Monkey Pox. This breakthrough work led to his being awarded his 4th Most-Valuable-Pharmacological-Insight-By-A-Talk-Show-Hostess. Well done Erin! It turns out we also had a playoff game last year. While the Offense survived many injuries during the 2021 Regular Season and the Defense improved tremendously, the Special Teams only accomplishment was the spectacular variety of incompetence. No stone was left unturned in search for new ways to try to lose games … The chain finally came off the Season during our second consecutive loss in the playoffs … at home … as the No.1 seed. With 4:41 left in the 4th Qtr and the Pack leading the Niners 10-3 … Special Teams took over the game. On the ensuing Packers’ drive, tied at 10-10, with 4:41 on the clock … and plenty of time to use the whole playbook … and after a penalty and 2 passes, we faced 3rd down with 3:40 left … … and Erin decided to emulate #4. In an eerily similar reprise of Brent’s last ever pass at Lambeau (2007 NFC Championship game killing interception)… … immediately from the snap Lazard and Cobby were open, but #12 was only looking at #17. Fortunately, Davante Adams turned DB and prevented the interception … well done Davante … save Erin again. Good luck in Vegas Mr. Adams … glad we got a decent haul of Draft Picks for you. Hopefully #12 will start looking at other receivers, as he has during the seven games we won while you were injured. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Washington Commanders 1st Team To Have Make-A-Wish Kid Announce Pick, Become Team President, and Take Fall for Team’s Financial Irregularities LAS VEGAS—Saying that they wanted to help fulfill the dreams of an 8-year-old boy stricken with terminal cancer, the Washington Commanders let a Make-A-Wish Foundation child announce the team’s 2nd round 2022 draft pick, become the new team president, and take the fall for the team’s financial irregularities. “Bryson is a great little kid going through something no child should have to go through, and we wanted to help him feel special by letting him announce our second-round pick as part of his new role as team president, for which he’ll be perfectly positioned should the federal investigation into our franchise result in jail time,” said Commanders owner Dan Snyder, adding that the team was thrilled to partner with the Make-A-Wish Foundation to fulfill the lifelong dreams of the boy to be fired for his role in sweeping sexual assault allegations under the rug in a football team’s ploy to clean up its public image. “Getting to stand onstage with the newest member of the Washington Commanders and then getting thrown under the bus by everyone in our organization who the House Oversight Committee speaks to was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and we couldn’t be happier for giving Bryson that experience. Not only did he receive a signed Terry McLaurin jersey and tickets to our first home game of the season, Bryson will also be the likely recipient of a five- to seven-year prison sentence for his role in falsely reporting sales revenue and keeping money meant for the league. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Embarrassed Man Frantically Clears Search History After Googling Bears’ Playoff Chances Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky checked most of the boxes vs the Illinois State Redbirds: 1. Beat the spread, which has not been a given in recent non-conference mismatches. 2. Fluff up stats for meaningless analysis beginning three weeks from now. 3. Show some life on offense and cut loose the seemingly forgotten forward pass, preferably different looks than the 4-5 plays that once-innovative Paul Chryst ran over and over last year in the same down & distance situations. 4. Avoid season-ending injuries. Several new players got snaps on defense and though they bent a lot, they didn’t break. It was possibly the most underwhelming shutout we have seen since Barry arrived. Starting safety Hunter Wohler will be out several weeks, most likely missing the Ohio State game. The secondary has some things to clean up. Offensively, the receivers looked good--except for Markus Allen’s two drops preventing Graham Mertz from completing all of his passes and pitching a perfect game. Braelon Allen got his yards and a highlight reel TD run. Chez Mellusi has made an Adrian Peterson-like recovery from a torn ACL, shedding some pounds and showing more burst than we saw last year. On to hosting Washington State, where we are favored by 15 points. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game On to Minneapolis, we have been kicking ass up there Minneapolis since we started playing them in the 1961. Minneapolis ViQueens longtime Head Coach and Wisconsin native Bud Grant had some pretty good teams wit dem. And he was also the first NFL Coach to achieve 4 Super Bowl Losses! So they have that going for them. All-Time we are tied with the Queens at 30 wins apiece for games played in Minneapolis and Bloomington, MN. In the Rogers era we are 7-7-0 and, in the Rogers/LaFleur era we 1-2 in the Humpty-Dump. The betting line favors the Packers by 2 and the Over/Under is floating around 48 points, which is pretty close to that average total of 51 points over Rodgers caree. During the LaFleur/Rodgers era the median point difference is 3, somewhat less than the median of 5 over Rodgers total career. Meaning? The record may be tied, but we’re ahead on points and the line “Zounds ‘bout right”. Why will we win? Oh my goodness gracious, just listen to the pundits. We lost Davante, no wide receivers, Special Teams was a mess in 2021, we lost guys in Free Agency … yada yada yada! No way the Packers win right? Wrong – we will win Our D was good last year and steadily improving toward the end of the year. You may recall Coach harping on poor Defensive contain and tackling since, well, since 2010 … but last year we started to turn the corner. Rashan Gary did an outstanding job in 2021 … great example here of staying home, fighting off the block and making the tackle. Coach is really, really excited to see our D in action this year. It turns out we also have a pretty decent running game … … here was a nice little pop for 28 yards on the Packers 2nd drive last year. You are going to see a ton of play action passes and a lot more of 28 & 33 on Sunday. And all that running and super Defense will be great … but Coach is even more excited watch the Queens Defense! Have a look at who is running the Defense in St. Paul! It’s a clown car full of fired Packers Defensive Coaches. Add in the Zilarious Smith, our 2019 star who turned into the 2021 semi-injured malcontent, and you have a formula for success! (It’s even better, he’s being coached by Mike Smith, the outside linebackers coach that the Packers also fired along with Poutine.) But Coach, isn’t Zilarious an aggressive pass rusher who really, really wants to sack Aaron Rodgers on National TV? Exactly Jimmy, exactly. In 2019 he was one of the best pass rushers in the NFL and was Coached by Poutine and Mike Smith to always charge up field and disrupt plays. Let’s have a look at a typical Zilarious play. Tied at 10-10, after the “Davante-Forced-Pass” in our playoff loss last January, the Niners faced 3rd and 7 at the Packers 38 with 1:03 left in the game. At the 38 yard-line it would be a 55 (56?) yard field goal attempt for the win, probably outside of Robbie Gould’s range given the weather. The still shot and the clip below are from the same play, with Deebo Samuel RUNNING for nine yards and a 1st Down on 3rd & 7. Two subsequent dive plays for two additional yards and Gould kicked a walk-off 45-yarder to win the game. Shit. OK, back to the play. Have a look at the clip below and then come back to the picture above. At the snap Z. Smith crashes into the middle and completely abondons his gap. Give Samuel credit for the jab-step-fake, a basic move taught to Middle School running backs in Wisconsin. When Samuel bounces out to his right there is no one there … no one in the spot that Zilarious is supposed to occupy. After the game, Jaire Alexander took responsibility for not wrapping up on his tackle attempt, but frankly it should not have gotten to him. Stand-up guy that Jaire, nothing like the Zilarious. You can bet that the Packers will run right at Zilarious …. A-LOT! Coach sees a slug fest coming … but a strong Packers season opening win nonetheless. Packers 21 ViQueens 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them In 1904, former Packer player and coach Tom Hearden was born in Appleton, Wisconsin. Hearden moved to Green Bay as a boy and followed his brothers Len and Les to East High School, where he played in the backfield from 1920-22. Like previous East backfield stars Curly Lambeau and Sleepy Jim Crowley, Tom next played under Knute Rockne at Notre Dame. As a sophomore, he was a member of the 1924 National Championship team that featured the Four Horsemen backfield (including Crowley). That team defeated Stanford, led by Ernie Nevers and coached by Pop Warner, in the 1925 Rose Bowl, although Hearden did not appear in that game. After Tom captained the 9-1 1926 Fighting Irish team as a senior, he then signed with Green Bay where he appeared in six games from 1927-28 as a blocking back. Injuries limited his playing time, and he finished his playing career with one game for the Bears in 1929 when he worked briefly as a lawyer in Chicago. He began his coaching career at Racine’s St. Catherine High School in 1930 and moved over to Racine’s Washington Park High in 1934. After compiling a 34-8-6 record at those two schools, Hearden returned to his high school alma mater in 1936 and achieved an impeccable 51-3-2 mark through 1942. East won 32 straight games at one point and won or shared six conference titles in that seven-year stretch. Tom then joined the navy and was assigned to Iowa Pre-Flight where he coached the backfield of that service team under Missouri coach Don Faurot in 1943 and Auburn’s Jack Meagher in 1944. He was named the squad’s head coach for 1945, but the base cancelled its schedule that season. After mustering out of the service, Hearden signed to coach at St. Norbert in 1946. Over the next seven years, he led the Green Knights to a 41-13 record that included undefeated seasons in 1946, 1950 and 1952. Tom returned to the Packers in 1954 as Liz Blackbourn’s defensive backfield coach, also in charge of the whole defense. Two seasons later, he took an assistant’s position at Wisconsin, but then rejoined Blackbourn’s staff in 1957. Unfortunately that May, well before training camp, Hearden suffered a stroke and was forced to retire. It was doubly unfortunate in that a Packer Board member had told reporter Lee Remmell that Tom was a sure thing to be hired as the team’s head coach in 1958. The implication is that if Hearden were more successful than Scooter McLean in ’58, then Lombardi stays in New York and perhaps takes over the Giants in 1961, altering NFL history quite a bit. As it was, Hearden was a celebrated local football figure who has a plaque commemorating his life and career placed by the football field at East, also the site of City Stadium where the Packers played for decades. Tom, whose brother Les played halfback for the Packers in 2 games (caught 1 pass caught from Curly Lambeau) 98 years ago, attained a rare trifecta of playing under three Hall of Fame coaches in Rockne, Lambeau and George Halas. He never got the opportunity to coach at the highest level himself, though, and died in 1964 at the age of 60.
So as we kick off the 2022 season, we salute you Tom Hearden, and your brother Les, as all-time Packer greats!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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