This week we'll snare the Dolphins like plastic six-pack rings floating in the ocean, but before we dig into the football portion of our program, we must congratulate last week's contest winner, Timmy Baldwin from Dyckesville! Timmy correctly submitted the winning entry to What's The Best Question From A Porno? with "Well, we don't have any money for the pizza, but is there any other way we can repay you?" which narrowly beat out runners up "Can I slide in between you two ladies?" and "Did somebody call for a plumber?" Good on you, Timmy! Now, on with the football... Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Wow, another kick in the teeth….another winnable game pissed away. You know Coach likes the stats….and the Pats game was interesting in that by being down by 7 at the half vs. the Pats we were very consistent with the 1st half of the season where we are normally down by over 5 at the Half. Unfortunately, we got outscored 14-7 by the Pats in the 2nd half, not our usual 2nd half “win.” Tree-four-en-wun … what else does Coach need to say? We got close to beating two of the best teams in the NFL, on the road no less, and their coaches both say they really respected us in the morning. Very comforting. Yes, we were close to having a chance at beating the Rams … and at the end of a mediocre game, the mediocre team fumbled and killed the chance at the end. Yesss, we hung with the Patriots until we shot ourselves in the foot with an Aaron Jones fumble on the first play of the 4th Quarter. So, we’re kinda good? No, we are constantly shooting ourselves in the foot. In a summation of the mediocrity, we have now “won” 45% of the quarters we’ve played, and “lost” 42% And the total scoring just proves that out. Half way through the Season and we are down by 12 points or averaging a 1.5-point loss/ game. Very rewarding for Packer fans, I am sure. Coach loves hearing from most of yooce gize, as always, and a coupletree uvyahz sez I’ve been too hard on Melissa McCarthy and not taking players to task. Fair point, there is some truth to that – here are some of the really stupid things that contributed to losing to the Pats: Offsides on opening kick - (14:54 - 1st) M.Crosby kicks 65 yards from GB 35 to NE 0. C.Patterson to NE 36 for 36 yards (J.Moore). PENALTY on GB-J.Jones, Offside on Free Kick, 5 yards, enforced at NE 36 / 1st & 10 at NE 41 vs. 36 – bad kick coverage, and we gave Brady 5 more yards and a 59 yard field to get to the EZ … 7- 0 Patriots before we touch the ball. Roughing the Punter - 4th & 21 at NE 27 (4:27 - 3rd) R.Allen punts 50 yards to GB 23, Center-J.Cardona. T.Williams ran ob at GB 31 for 8 yards. PENALTY on GB-R.Tonyan, Roughing the Kicker, 15 yards, enforced at NE 27. Several plays later, NE 4th & 3 at NE 49. (2:34 - 3rd) R.Allen punts 44 yards to GB 7, Center-J.Cardona, downed by NE-M.Slater. The net result is a 24-yard loss in field position, we had ball at the 7 vs. the 31. Fumble instead of TD - 1st & 10 at NE 34 (14:52 - 4th) (Shotgun) A.Jones left tackle to NE 28 for 6 yards (L.Guy). FUMBLES (L.Guy), RECOVERED by NE-S.Gilmore at NE 24. S.Gilmore to NE 24 for no gain (B.Bell). We gained 69 yards on that drive, if we had started at the 31 instead of the 7 after the roughing penalty, the fumble would have been in the EndZone. TD Packers. Losing DB’s – in addition to fragile Kevin King going out yet once more, we self-destructed again when Jermaine Whitehead, supposedly the smartest DB we have, is ejected. 1st & 10 at NE 45 (3:21 - 2nd) C.Patterson right guard to GB 45 for 10 yards (B.Martinez; B.Breeland). PENALTY on GB - J.Whitehead, Disqualification, 15 yards, enforced at GB 45. Addition by subtraction? Some of you challenged all-knowing Coach when he supported Gooty for asserting himself last week by dumping Chuckle-Chuckle-Clinton’s-Dick on the Foreskins for a 4th rounder in 2019. Hey, don't get me wrong, you're entitled to your opinion, even if it is stupid. ...but let's go to the video tape, just to be sure. Is it Rodgers’ “Thumb Year”? Do you remember the 35-year-old Favre breaking his right thumb (throwing thumb) during the 2004 preseason? The season started with the Packers on a losing streak of four of their first five games, then winning their next six games to go 10-6 and finally ending in a Wild Card playoff loss to the Minnesota Vikings. After 8 games, the 2004 Packers were 4-4. Rodger’s will turn 35 in December (like Favre in 2004) and has been playing on one leg since the 2nd Quarter of the 1st game (basically his preseason). More importantly it’s obvious that even though the brace is off, his knee is still bothering him. Whether it’s pain in the knee or in his head is unknown, but he’s just not playing well. AR Exhibit 1 (9:36 - 1st) 1st & 10 at GB 49, Rodgers short arms a ball to Jimmy Graham. The result of the drive was the Packers’ first FG, but the whole drive sputtered like this. If AR steps into the throw it would normally be an easy completion and maybe the drive ends in the EZ. AR Exhibit 2 (1:13 - 1st) 1st & 10 at NE 48 (Shotgun) A.Rodgers pass incomplete deep right to M.Valdes-Scantling. Wow, AR, what the hell is going on out there? Normally this is a Packers’ TD, but Rodgers just flat out underthrows the ball to MVS. So instead of 7 we punt to NE a few plays later. AR Exhibit 3 – Shoelace Penalty!! (5:51 - 1st) 2nd & Goal at NE 9 PENALTY on GB, Delay of Game, 5 yards, enforced at NE 9 - No Play. Aaaaarrrrooooon, WTF! Rodgers ties his shoes, loses track of the time and gets another 5-yard delay of game. Who knows if we could have gotten a TD, but this certainly didn’t help. So yes, interested reader from Manitowoc, the Players are at fault, but how does that fit into the overall picture? Coach, talking in the 3rd person, has invented something that he likes to call the “Yen Diagram” (yup that’s right, Coach invented Yen Diagram, any likeness to the Ven diagram is strictly coincidental). To win in the pro sports you have to have good players, good coaches and a good scheme (game plan or plan of attack). Fall short in any area and you won’t win, the other guys are always just too good. As Coach has pointed out earlier, we have drafted poorly for the last 3-5 years and one consequence is the whole poop-bag of mistakes listed above. But that still leaves the questions: Who prepares the Players? Who Develops the Scheme, Game Plan and decides who’s in the game? It took some lengthy and in-depth research, but Coach found out that it’s the Coaches who decide those things. Maybe McCarthy isn’t to blame, he has grown up as a Coach in Green Bay’s very successful Organizational Model, but that structure was changed by Packer’s President Mark Murphy in early 20218. The previous Organizational Model was implemented by Bob Harlan and the Packer Board in 1989 (see below). Since he hired Ron Wolf as GM in 1991, the team president has stayed out of the day-to-day football operation, and it's produced sustained success. It was during the 1970s and 80s when the team's executive committee -- of which the president is the head of -- meddled in football when the Packers struggled the most. Harlan’s Organizational Model very much gets all the crap out of the way and puts the responsibility on the GM to run the football operations. Ron Wolf did that successfully for several years, as did Ted Thompson up until the last few. Many teams around the league have adopted this successful model. So as Ted Thompson’s management of the team slipped over the last few years, what did Murphy do? Nothing. Nothing that is until he changed the structure of the Packers management of Football Operations and made it into a big committee reporting to him, rather than just find a GM. OK, we’re going on a bit long here and your daughter is probably banging on the bathroom door by now while your legs are falling asleep on the commode…but look at these excerpts from the GB Press Gazette in January of 2018 when Murphy announced the new Structure (GB P-G in italics below): GB Press Gazzette GREEN BAY, Wis. -- Halfway through Monday's news conference to introduce Brian Gutekunst as general manager and discuss a new power structure, Green Bay Packers president Mark Murphy caught himself. "I realize I'm not an owner," Murphy said. But he's sure acting like one now. In an unusual maneuver for the publicly-owned team, Murphy made the bold move of taking away the GM's power over the head coach and assigning it to himself. It means the three top people on the football side -- Gutekunst, salary-cap manager Russ Ball and coach Mike McCarthy -- all will report to Murphy. While it looks like a power play on Murphy's part, he insisted both in his news conference and in a side session afterward that he made the decision as a way of combating the breakdowns in communication and collaboration that occurred in the final years of Ted Thompson's tenure as GM. "What this process showed me, within football, we have silos, and we've had some breakdowns in communication," Murphy wouldn't say where the breakdowns occurred between the reclusive Thompson, the opportunistic Ball and the veteran head coach. Nor would he indict Thompson or Ball -- who have been running the personnel department. "I thought it would be very helpful for Mike McCarthy, for the head coach, to report directly to me," Murphy said. Murphy wouldn't say whether he would have made these changes had he not hired a first-time GM. "I didn't necessarily go in with the idea that I want to have this structure," Murphy said. "But I have had a sense for a couple of years that I needed to be a little more involved and I think what this process did for me was to make it clear what that exact involvement will be. I'm excited about it. I think this is going to be very positive for us moving forward." Murphy addressed the kind of problems that can be foreseeable -- such as who's authority it is to sign and draft players (it's Gutekunst's) and who can fire the coach (it's Murphy) -- but such a change in structure can also come with unintended consequences. When Murphy, during the news conference, rattled off a list of things he'll help McCarthy with, he included game-planning. So, let’s summarize for our loyal readers, Mark Murphy:
You: “So, Murphy-the-Mechanic, my car seems to have a flat tire” Murphy-the-Mechanic: “Oh sure, I can help, let’s install an new Participation Trophy on the dash-board in your car, that should help; and I’ll drive the car for you”. You: “Keep your fricking Participation Trophy, me and AR will find a real mechanic somewhere else”. Coach has outlined the "new" (and twice-proven unsuccessful in Green Bay) structure for you below. To those of you who work in the Corporate World, let’s just say that the new committee-based structure is working out exactly as you would expect. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Injury Prone Bulaga No Longer Returning Kicks GREEN BAY, WI – Phasing out one of the most famous and explosive parts of his game, Packers right tackle Bryan Bulaga told reports Wednesday that he plans to protect his body for the remainder of his career by no longer returning kicks. “I’m not in my 20s anymore, when I could return four or five kicks a game. My knees just don’t recover from the pounding as quickly as they used to, and it’s getting more difficult to stave off ProBowl pass rushers after a 30-yard punt return” said Bulaga, who has been beloved by Packers fans for his elusiveness, lightning-fast speed, and electrifying spin moves. “As you get older, you have to learn your body’s limitations, and I just can’t juke past tacklers and sprint down the sidelines like I used to. I won’t rule out returning a few punts during the playoffs if we need a spark, but after 9 years as the Packers’ return man, it’s time someone else took over.” Special Teams coordinator Ron Zook confirmed that while Bulaga intends to stay fresh by mostly focusing on blocking, he has no plans to give up his gunner duties in punting situations. Should The Miami Dolphins Change Their Crude, Offensive Nickname? WASHINGTON DC–It seems like every week there’s another controversy in the NFL. Most recently, mainstream media outlets have rightly made it a priority to suggest that it’s time for the Miami Dolphins to change their crude, offensive nickname. The word is just plain vulgar and immediately brings such a revolting image to your mind that it’s got to go. Obviously, most football fans have heard some nasty, rough talk in their day, but a word as obscene as “Dolphins” should not be brandished on national television every Sunday. It’s horribly offensive to anybody who thinks about what that term means. Parents don’t want their kids seeing that word when they’re watching football together as a family. In recent years, a softer reference to Miami’s mascot as “the ‘D’ word” has fallen into favor, but inevitably some young boy will recklessly blurt out “Dolphins” in front of his grandmother and nearly give her a heart attack. How can we justify putting that word on a jersey when we wouldn’t use it in mixed company? It’s embarrassing for the NFL and it needs to change. Have some decency for God’s sake. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof From time to time, Coach likes to give the Chicago Bears a break and shift the focus from how bad that team sucks to the core, to a more comprehensive look at the dirtbags from that shithole city, and the team’s maladroit media outlets. For example, leading up to the Bears game Sunday, the pregame show on Chicago radio station 670AM ”The Score” featured some unique insight on the divisional outlook from co-host Patrick Mannelly. Seriously, Mannelly suggested that the Sunday night matchup between Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady could be a preview of the NFC Championship game. That statement is so retarded on a number of different levels, but Coach particularly likes that he overtly implied the division-leading Bears won’t be a participant in the NFC Championship game, yet there’s a chance the AFC Patriots might be. Perfect. In other news, a coupletree nightsago Coach mentored the local troop of Webelos at our local Municipal Court where they earned their Justice Badge. Good job, fellas. They got to listen to all the excuses for speeding and rolling through stop signs by people making their pleas in front of the judge, and then we discussed which excuses were pretty good for future reference, and how some of those cited were real losers for getting caught – and we didn’t have to put up with any broads trying to butt in to our conversation, so that was nice. After about 45-minutes of people explaining, more or less, that they were remorseful for their rudimentary traffic violations, one guy stood out from the crowd. He loudly announced to the judge that he was from Chicago and that he drove all the way up to Green Bay that afternoon just so the judge would reduce his points “...like they do in Illinois.” The judge indicated to the gentleman the he would be offered the same 1-point reduction (fine reduction) as everyone else that had similar speeding offenses. The jerk was beside himself and said, “I’ll pay triple the fine if you reduce my points some more.” The judge then implied that justice doesn’t favor those who can afford to pay more. Then, as that prick was signing his paperwork, he mumbled just loud enough so the judge could hear him: “That was a long drive for 1 point” …and the judge chuckled toward him and said “I can give it back if you want!” which got everybody laughing at the self-centered FIB as he left the courtroom. Things quieted down and the next case came up (guy ticketed for loose dogs), and in the middle of his plea the judge waves his arms and stops him saying “Can you believe that guy from Illinois?” Everybody started laughing (again), including the guy with the $2,000 fine for letting his pitbulls run wild. Anyways, the point is, people from Illinois are a bunch of dicks. I’m just glad I had the opportunity to share this life lesson with the boys before they learned it later in life the hard way, paying tolls when driving on roads that fund corrupt politicians, or getting cutoff by self-absorbed jackasses driving BMW’s and using their horn instead of their blinker. The Bears, and dumbshit Illinois dickheads, suck. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Wisconsin Bowl Eligible after Boring Win Over Scarlet Knights We like boring wins in which we ramble for over 300 yards rushing and hold the opponent to under 20 points as we did on Saturday. It was also nice to have Dion and Loudermilk back on the field. However… There is cause for concern. Bucky is just not as good as expected.
Looking to Penn State, the Badgers visit Happy Valley (no, not Kaukauna) this Saturday. The specter of McSorely lighting up the secondary looms big. Sagapulo is out, but Loudermilk is back and supposedly healthy. This may help slow down any running attack, but that is not the main threat. Despite McSorely’s performance against Bucky in Indy two years ago, this is not the same Penn State team we have seen the last two years. Gone are the offensive coordinator, Saquon Barkley, and TE Mike Gesicki. Though a 3-way tie for the Big Ten West is unlikely, beating Ped State moves the Badgers up the bowl ladder to the Also-Ran Bowls (AKA the Outback and Citrus Bowls). It looks likely Coan will be the starting QB and that is probably the best choice regardless of Hornibrook’s status. We pounded the ball with success and can hopefully do so again in Happy Valley, although the PSU D is more like the NW D, so we do not have our hopes up for the same running success this week. Given Ped State’s league-leading pass rush, this may not have been the best matchup for Hornibrook despite the possible return of starting LT Van Lanen. Though Jack Coan is far more mobile, he is not to the point yet where he is seeing the field. He is still throwing mainly to primary receivers and not at all getting through progressions. He missed several wide open receivers last Saturday, for a team that hasn’t had many wide open receivers. A physical running game coupled with Ped State’s difficulty in stopping the run is our best chance of neutralizing their pass rush. Paul Chryst may far surpass his Fat Mike-like easily anticipated play-calling this week. Expect multiple 3rd down draw plays to Groshek and one or two punts from the Penn State 45 yard line. When was the last time you saw a new look on offense from Fat Mike or Predictable Paul? This game is there for the taking if State Penn continues to drop passes, we win the turnover battle and are able to minimize bone-headed plays. You heard it here first, Bucky takes care of business at Penn State--Badgers 23, Nittany Lions 21. So let's go hit the road! We’re Gonna Kick You’re A$$ – Predictions for the upcoming game The Finns are 5-4 overall, but they are not a good road team (sound familiar?). They are 1-3 on the road and have lost 27.0-20.5 on average. On our side the Pack haven't lost a game at home, even if the wins(tie) have not been pretty; we’ve averaged a 13 point win at home (29.8 to 16.8). By the transitive property, Coach thereby observes should win by about 10 points (a 28.4 to 18.6 win)! Sweet. It is interesting how Vegas uses this kind of data, the line on the game is 9.5 pts, almost exactly the difference if you look at the Pack’s home wins vs. the Fins road losses, and, with the Over/Under at 47.5, that’s almost exactly what you’d expect. The Packers are 3-5 against-the-spread so far this year, and Vegas usually gets these things right over the whole season, so look for the Pack to cover the spread. Oh, and if we can get out of our own way and run the ball, we should have a great day. At 4.8 yards per rushing attempt, we are ranked No. 5 overall, unfortunately we are ranked No. 28 in rushing attempts/game. Here’s hoping that the sphincter doesn’t break when Melissa McCarthy gets his noggin removed from his posterior. But the main reason we’re gonna win is that it’s a great Alumni weekend! First of all Ryan Grant is back! (Again, sweet.) Secondly, Jurko is back!! (Salty.) If Jurko wasn’t hurt in the 1st Qtr of the 1995 NFC Championship Game in Dallas, we would have gone to the Super Bowl that year, too. Coach knows this is true cuz Jurko told me that in Kam’s Bar before Packers kicked the Bears asses 34-21 in a MNF game at the U of I’s Champaign Memorial Stadium in 2002. Third, and most importantly, the son of the 1985 Packers Safety, Kenny Stills, is playing WR for the Fins. In a Miami radio station interview this week Ken acknowledged that his dad is still a Packer fan and regularly told him that the Bears Still Suck. The clip below is a shot of Kenny Stills welcoming the Bears fullback to Lambeau Field on Nov 3rd, 1985. In a valiant “let’s start turning this season around” performance, the Packers finally are healed of their 2018 rectal-cranial-inversion….this one’s gonna be fun: JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them I bet you thought this week’s JB was going to be about Ryan Grant, because we already saluted John Jurkovic many moons ago. Wrong again, grasshopper. This week we show our foe some disrespect by noting that former Packers Tight End Marv Fleming won all 5 championship games that he played in when he was a Packer (3 NFL Championships, plus SB’s Uno y Dos), but only won 2 of 3 Super Bowls that he played in when he was a Dolphin. Ha ha! Packers rule! Dolphins can suck it! But this story is more about Marv than the teams he played on. Marv “Flemball” Fleming was drafted by Lombardi in the 11th round in 1963. He had no backup for 5 of his 7 years as a Packer, which is surprising because he infamously had hands of stone while in Green Bay. Then, when he went to Miami, his hands became glue. Coach thinks Marv’s catching performance improvement was likely due to his upbringing in sunny, beautiful Compton, California, and then being in the similarly warm and beautiful inner city of Miami.
Some cool stuff about Marv:
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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