Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! Coach realizes you don’t have much time to get too deep into the weeds this week with football analysis; what, with the condensed schedule of Thursday Night Football and all the packing of your blaze oranges for deer camp this weekend. Coach wishes good luck to all of you fellas out there in search of a big rack! Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Hey, hey, hey! 4-0-1 at home and 4-4-1 overall. Coach predicted an 18-point win and the Pack delivered 19…. we’ll take it!! Help Coach out here, because there was such broad national interest in a game of 3-4-1 vs. 5-4 teams, the opening kickoff was moved to 3:25 CST. But….CBS barely cutover to the game on time, and when they did we get the No. 4 CBS Broadcast Team of none other than Kevin Harlan and Rich Gannon? OK, for Preseason it’s cute to have Bob Harlan’s son and a former Vikings QB do our games, but Regular Season games? And move to the featured 2nd game slot? Huh? Just to recap where we are on the season: Yeah, well, it is better than 3-5-1. #MarkMurphy Back to the win, plenty of ups and downs to talk about…. but the season is not over and we are very much in the hunt from a record standpoint. Defense….give’em a B+ Most importantly there was a Montravius Adams sighting, not only did he get on the field, he actually had a sack late in the 4th Qtr. It came on the Dolphins 2nd to last play and set up a Reggie Gilbert sack on 4th down to close out the game. Wow, when was the last time we finished a game with successive sacks (that weren’t called personal fouls)? Fantastic! Although he did not record a sack, Clay Matthews was as active as anyone in the Dolphins backfield. From the first play of the game, Matthews was constantly in Brock Arswiper’s face applying pressure and effecting his throws. When it was all said and done, Kyler Fackrell, Kenny Clark, Raven Greene, Adams, Dean Lowry and Gilbert all had sacks. Some of the sacks came by effort while others were due to Pettine’s scheme. Loyal readers know that Fackrell drives Coach nuts, but he was moved all over the formation and used equally in run support, pass rush and coverage and moved past Clay Matthews and Nick Perry in the stats column. Give ’ole Ficky his due, he actually had a very good game. Bashaud Breeland had a pick, Reggie Gilbert recovered a fumble and Raven Greene had a great game as well. Raven who? Yes, our UDFA Safety played 30 snaps in place of Kentrell Brice and played well all game. He had a dropped INT, but otherwise looked really good back there. (On the other hand, rookie Josh Jackson had an illegal contact penalty, gave up several completions and missed a couple tackles, so he remains a work in progress.) Let’s give Gooty and Pettine full props here, the Defense really was good, albeit against Brock Oddweiner with 3 backup OL in front of him. But still, three times we faced a short field after the blocked punt, the fumbled punt return, and the offense turning ball over on downs, and the D gave up no TD’s. We are not a Top-10 D, but we are leading the NFL in sacks (even if 13 of those are against Buffalo & Miami). Clearly Pettine has this group performing well enough to be a playoff team, even if the talent is average at best. Offense – give’em a solid B Four redzone trips, four TD’s. Keep this up and we might even be good. Clearly the more Aaron Jones touches the ball, the better we do. He had two TD’s as did Davante Adams; so much had been written about those two guys that Coach is going to skip it here, suffice to say they are both the real deal. Let’s dig a little deeper, Marcedes Lewis got his 2nd catch of the year and it’s obvious that he can do more. Absolutely nobody was expecting him to have a catch and he rumbled for 30 yards. We actually had several 2 TE sets, and even 3 a couple of times. Whether it’s Joe Philbin (OC) or M McCarthy we don’t know, but it’s a very encouraging sign. The offense was by no means perfect. AR is still missing some throws that are normally automatic, but he had a 112.1 rating against the Fins and is running much better. He’s also starting to practice more, so I’m optimistic that he will return to form for the last few games of the season. However, we still have to overcome McCarthy. Ever since he got beat up for taking field goals instead of TD’s in the 2014 NFC Championship game, he seems to want to prove to everyone that he can be aggressive. Especially when it’s stupid. At 5:36 in the 2nd Qtr, facing a 4th & 2 at the Miami 49 yard line, leading 14-6, we go for it on 4th down. Rodgers gets sandwich sacked by Quinn going over Bahtkiari and Wake running past Jimmy Graham. After the game Jimmy Graham piped in with a modest assessment of his contributions: “I’m always trying to improve on my blocking and I take pride in it. A couple of those big plays, a bunch of ’em, I was in there making some pretty big blocks against a d-line that’s really good. Just kind of shows me that I’ve been doing right and going in the right direction.” The mind boggles. Why are we going for it on 4th & 2 at midfield when the D has been bottling up the struggling scarecrow Osweiller? 99.9% of football coaches surveyed said” “Punt, dumb-ass.” If we do go for it (Point 1), why are we calling a pass play when A Jones has been running wild? If we do go for it (Point 2), why do we have a play where the TE is blocking the right side instead of Bulaga? If we do go for it (Point 3), why do we have a play where the TE is Jimmy Graham and not Marcedes Lewis? The mind simply boggles. Special Teams D- How does Zook have a job? This could have been a disastrous game, against a good team we would have been blown out. JK Scott had a punt blocked. The punt-return unit gave up a 14-yard fake punt. Tramon Williams lost a fumble on a punt return. Raven Greene picked up a first down on a fake punt on a “we have fake punts too” moment a bit later in the game, which was nice, but looked really amateurish. Coach Melissa McCarthy defended Zook in his post-game press conference and pointed to Zook’s creativity in employing Offensive Linemen as returners. “Literally nobody else does this.” Good point Mike, that is true. Mike went on to explain that Coach Zook has several ideas planned. Look for these additional gifts to the other guys in a game soon: Fake FG giving up a 1st Down, Short or blocked Crosby FG returned for TD, JK Scott punt returned for TD, Crosby KO returned for TD, Successful onside kick (#BrandonBostick). WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Packers Hall Of Fame Digs Deep To Fill Two 15’x20’ Rooms ASHWAUBENON, WI – After viewing several old street maps, a rusted charcoal grill, and a pair of beer-stained wooden folding tables, visitors to the Packers Hall of Fame confirmed Monday that the curators had clearly dug deep to fill the two 15-by-20 square-feet rooms at their disposal. “The first room had photos of fans tailgating around the stadium from the past, and a handful of framed newspaper clippings by the entrance, but the next display case was basically just full of old railroad spikes,” said Bellevue resident Robert DeCleene, who spent less than a minute examining a 1948 photograph of the neighboring apartment building before concluding the structure, which is now rented out to ticket holders from out of town, looks more or less the same today as it did then. “In the second room, they had all these pictures that local kids had drawn of the team. Which is nice, I guess, but it’s not exactly history, is it? And there’s a whole exhibit that, as far as I can tell, is just about Village of Ashwaubenon board members.” HOF visitors were heartened to discover that the wall nearest the exit was occupied by a trio of well-stocked vending machines. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Promotion Offers Fans Free Pizza If Bears Kicker Doesn’t Miss 4 Times CHICAGO – In an effort to reward fans’ patience with their young, mistake-prone kicker, the Chicago Bears announced a new promotion Monday offering fans free Chicago-style (overpriced, lots of fat, heavily taxed, long lines, taste falls short of expectations) pizza if placekicker Cody Parker doesn’t miss more than 3 kicks in any one game. The move follows another putrid performance at Soldiers Fields on Sunday by the Bears kicker where he missed four easy kicks, including both extra points and field goals, “We’re excited to offer our fiercely passionate fans a large, deep-dish one-topping pizza of their choice, provided Cody can limit his misses to three each game” said Bears’ Director of Public Affairs Harold Palm, adding that fans would also receive a free order of breadsticks if two players managed to properly respond to an audibled assignment from quarterback Michael Trinkowski without running into each other. “We expect to see a new sense of excitement at the stadium, even though fans recognize how unlikely it is that we could come back in a close game against a good team if we need to rely on our kicker.” At press time there was still no confirmation from head coach Matt Nagy regarding the rumor that Bears owner Virginia Halas-McCasky instructed him to always kick a field goal immediately after crossing the 50-yard marker in the 4th quarter of home games, regardless of the down. Udder Stuff – commentary from the Badger Underground Despite Local Claims, Roadkill Not For Consumption STATE COLLEGE, PA – Local police reported Saturday night a very unusual occurrence. For the first time in many years, they witnessed the road kill of a badger. They say they have seen plenty of gopher and even wildcat incidents, but this is a once in a decade event. In unrelated news, the University of Wisconsin football team lost in Happy Valley to Penn State behind the performance of 2.5 QB rating of Jackie Coan. Purdue Graduate Self-Identifies as Badger Fan LAFAYETTE, IN – In a remarkable revelation, Purdue graduate Joe Jumulscem came out Friday as a Wisconsin football fan. Although Joe remains a diehard Boilermaker fan for basketball, he himself came out and said he has harbored these strange feelings for almost 20 years now. Said Joe, “I went to see Purdue play in Madison one time. Drew Brees lit them up, but I felt a bit off. The next morning, my Wisconsin buddy took me to a place on Park Street and everything starting making sense. The bartenders wore a fake penis hat and did ventriloquism acts with a goose, all while we watched raunchy porn and ate breakfast with beer and whisky. It was right then and there it became clear to me that I was a Badger football fan. From now on, until I die I will cheer for the Badgers. Even this weekend, when UW play my alma mater, I will be in the stands in red and white. Even though the game this weekend means nothing in the Big Ten, I will be cheering for a Badgers victory. I understand that my tendencies will not be understood by many, but I cannot deny what I feel.” And now, a thoughtful commentary about college football and deer hunting, sports that unmistakably conflict with each other in Wisconsin... In recent years, BU staff have lamented over the conflict between open opening day of gun deer season and a big Badgers football showdown. Last year’s 11am Michigan kickoff contributed to a lower than projected deer kill, subsequent higher than projected car vs. deer strikes and crop damage. Our advice remains to kill your trophy buck early, properly secure the carcass for successful transport to the nearest sports bar, or in many parts of Wisconsin a local tap featuring a 1080p 36” tube tv fueled by an illegal DirecTV subscription. Upon arrival, attempt to talk the bartender into grilling your freshly culled tenderloins and put back as many tap beers as you can prior to kickoff. And on this particular Saturday, shots might not be a bad idea. With this Badgers football season laid to waste and the opportunity appreciation participation trophy secured, our advice is to set your DVR Thursday night to cover the slim chance that something good happens in West Lafayette, remain in the woods until dark, text photos of kills between friends, volunteer hunting advice where none was requested, and – one by one, fill your generous allotment of doe tags. This BU writer has had tremendous luck filling tags as other hunters exit the woods nearly in unison for offsite lunch/rehydration breaks, Badgers kickoffs and Packers kickoffs. This is not the year to compromise a potentially great hunt with a very likely bad football game. For those of you without such conflicts, Purdue is currently a 6-point favorite this Saturday. It’s not a given that the spread will change much if Alex Hornibrook is healthy. As Purdue attempts to gather itself following a season-changing inexplicable shitstomping at the hands of bottom feeding Minnesota, Louisville’s Sunday firing of Bobby Petrino has yielded rampant speculation that the top candidate for his replacement is none other than Purdue coach Jeff Brohm. Brohm is a Louisville guy and said nothing in his Monday press conference to lessen speculation that he will be changing zip codes in January. By the by, did you notice that Paul Chryst handed off much of the playcalling responsibilities this season to Joe Rudolph? Is that a playbook or a cookbook that Joe Rudolph carries on the sidelines? If the thought of firing Joe Rudoph comes to mind, note that he is the team’s top recruiter. Wisconsin has faced the top two Big Ten pass rushes in recent weeks—Michigan and Penn State. Despite a dominant running game, Jack Coan was under siege Saturday. As bad as Hornibrook has been when healthy this season, Coan’s passing numbers have rivaled those of Tanner McEvoy at his worst. The formula for winning Saturday is a flat Purdue team and a healthy Hornibrook throwing darts in tight windows to receivers with zero separation. Good luck with that, fellas … I’ll be shitfaced by the time any Wisconsin Vs. Purdue highlights make it to the cable sports networks on display at the tavern. We’re Gonna Kick You’re A$$ – predictions for the upcoming game OK, Seattle… what does it look like? They lead the league in rushing at 153 yards per game, they have a 2-2 record at home and a rabid crowd. No problem! …We’ve looked really good on the road! Oooops, maybe not. We are going to have to sharpen up the road end of things, and there’s no better place to convince yourself you can be good on the road than in Seattle. Actually, coach is much more bullish about our road record this year. We did get handled by the Skins and the Lions, but we did fairly well vs. the PattyRots and the Lambs, so I’m optimistic about how we will play (#Shocker). We have to acknowledge that history is not on our side. McCarthy & Rodgers have played against Carroll & Wilson 6 times and the record is split. We’ve lost all three times we’ve played in Seattle and they’ve lost all three at Lambeau. But, with the exception of the 2014 home opener, we have played them to less than a TD, and please remember that the Fail Mary game is in there, too (#VikingsTie). If there is one theme in every one of our losses, it is that we shot ourselves in the foot. If we stop doing that, we win. Keys to the win in Seattle: 1) Aarons (Jones & Rodgers) outplay McCarthy’s input 2) Mike Pettine continues on the path he is on and takes the wraps off the defense. We will have to stop the run and be plus 1 on turnovers. 3) Zook is locked in a closet and is not allowed onto the field. This is the only way that Coach can think of to make this an “our O&D against your O&D” game, otherwise it will be a real Fook-up out there. 4) Pete Carroll is knocked out of the game by a ref. Notice how well the ref keeps his balance. Now is time for the Packers to get a road win. 4-0-1 at home is great, but 0-4 on the road is unacceptable. In a “let’s start this season over” effort, Packers finally flush the SeaTurds into the Sound. JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Well, as you can probably tell by now, Coach is pretty geeked up for the big deer hunt this weekend, and all the thoughts of big racks reminded me of a former Packers great and Wisconsin original, "Jugs" Girard! He was quite an athlete... Earl Francis “Jug” Girard played for the Pack from 1948 – 1951 (drafted 7th in the 1st round) and was, get this: an end, halfback, quarterback, punter, kickoff returner, defensive end, and punt returner. We can barely even get Nicked Perry to play at linebacker a whole game, fer da chry-aye-aye! Jug was also a Wisconsin Badger, and was selected as a first-team All-American halfback at age 17 when he was just a Freshman at Madison. Not too shabby! Of course, there was a little skirmish occurring during his college years (often referred to as “World War Two”), and Girard showcased his athletic abilities while serving in uniform overseas as well… By the way, Girard was discharged from the Army in November 1945, but reenlisted a day later to continue in the military for another year. After his service he went back to Madison and finished out his education and college football career there. He made a whopping $8,000 playing for the Packers as a rookie in 1948, and he also played for the Green Bay Packers BASKETBALL team after the 1948 football season. Like most of us, Jug always wanted to kiss a girl where it stinks and, sure enough, he met and married a pretty little thing named Joan Leddy from odoriferous Kaukauna in April of 1949. He spent that summer playing baseball for the Green Bay Bluejays, where he led the league with a .367 batting average. He even played minor league baseball for the Cleveland Indians in Dayton, Ohio, and he’s actually in the Wisconsin State League Baseball Hall of Fame. Girard was a standout passer and rusher for the Packers, and he even blocked 3 punts. In 1952 he was traded to Detroit (won 2 NFL championships there) and then was traded for a brief stint in Baltimore before being traded again to Pittsburgh. He retired in 1958 after 10 years as a star in the NFL, and died 40 years later at 69 (unsure with who). Girard was originally from Marinette and, as you probably know, that is one seriously F’d up deer hunting DMU. As they say, most guys up there have their deer shot before Opening Day. It is definitely a Deliverance ride when you meander north toward Marinette, and then veer west to Pound / Beaver as you head into Middle Inlet on your way to Spread Eagle. Coach isn’t too worried about pissing off the locals by blogging that; after all, I’m 99.8% sure there is zero wi-fi or cell service anywhere up there and – even if they could get internet, most of them can’t read anyway.
So we take a moment this week to salute you, Jug Girard, a great athlete from Wisconsin and former Packers Swiss army knife. Now it’s time to get it on in Seattle and then on with the hunt!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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