After foregoing his celestial powers, our hero Armlord breaks his collarbone and relies on his left hand and the rest of the Guardians to protect Green Bay from evil doers in the North Division. Watch as his rogue band of rejects and misfits scramble to revive their chances for a playoff berth. Can they do it? Watch this trilogy finale to find out! -- Guardians of the Tundra Vol. 3, a Lee Stan production. Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! Create a seam here – X’s and O’s about the game or a scheme You may recall Coach’s prediction: “… that we play perfectly on Defense & Special Teams, and, Hundley is “serviceable”. Trust Coach, he sees all in advance…kinda. We got close ta winnin’, much like the Matt-Flynn-moral-victory over the Patriots in 2010 (Pats edged the Green Bay Packers 31-27). Mark Murphy had this to say after the game “I thought the fellas played well again tonight, you can’t expect them to win every week, it’s not realistic. I think I will put an extra $10 bill in every participation trophy”. Hundley had his best game as a pro and was much more than “serviceable” (17/26, 245 yds, 3 TD, 0 Int, 134.3 rating). And, the Defense had three turnovers! You would think with three TO’s we’d have killed them on Defense, but you know better than that. As the chart above shows, the headline is that Hundley scored 28, a full TD better than McCarthy’s “non-Rodgers-average.” However, the Steelers Offense simply overwhelmed the Packers Defense and scored 31 vs. the 28.9 “non-Rodgers-average.” So just like every year since Dom Capers took over as D-Coordinator in 2009, we had a very poor defensive game. The Defensive collapse started after the opening kickoff, which the Stillers returned to their 41. Pittsburgh ran and passed at will and 12 plays later they were in the end zone. Eminem says he doesn’t like stats…the chart below shows why. Aside from being plus-3 on turnovers we got our asses handed to us the entire game. The Packers took the 2nd Half KO and scored, taking a 21-14 lead. On the ensuing drive on 2nd & 17 at the 49, Ahmad Brooks tipped a Roethlisberger pass and Martinez came down with it. The Pack made it to the 31 and promptly went backwards to the 39. In a play that turned the game, McCarthy went for the 57-yard field goal, which went wide left. To be fair to Crosby, the snap was high and right to from Goode to Vogel and the timing was off. In a heavy weight fight like this one was, the obvious thing to do is to punt (at least to Coaches name Lambeau, Lombardi, Holmgren and Scooter McClean). So, no surprise, 6 plays and 53 yards later the Steelers had tied the game at 21. Not wanting to be left out, Special Teams made an important contribution to losing as well. Holding on Ripkowski on one 3rd Qtr punt … and … a killer face mask penalty (Guess who? Yes, Josh Jones!) gave Pittsburgh great field position and another TD. Let’s throw in a 3-and-out, and stupid time management (RB running out of bounds instead of keeping the clock running), on our last drive and the Pittsburgh game-Stealers were setup for a walk-off FG with 0:04 remaining. Game injuries on D? Not really. King went out for a while with a dinged shoulder, and Long-hair was a game-day scratch, but otherwise we had our full complement of guys. Coach leaves it to you, the loyal reader, to decide if awful defense is a result of “Defensive-Scheme-and-Coaching” or “Players”. Hint – the correct answer is “C”, all-of-the-above. Shown above is former Badger star TJ Watt crushing the Packers Hundley on 1st Down of the Packers last drive from the 18. This sequence makes Coach sick and harkens back to the players vs. coaching and scheme question. Please recall that the Packers passed on TJ Watt in the draft so that they could draft the already-injured-King at CB and pick-up a 4th round pick that they used to snag oft-injured Badger Vince Beagle…. Beagle’s contribution so far is that he has no penalties on special teams. Just saying. On the bright side (for Watt), our Defensive coaching and player development are so bad that TJ would be following the track of Datone Jones and Justen Harrell had we drafted him. Note: TJ Watt is from Wisconsin and UW, therefore he is always innocent of any infraction … and Hundley was running forward thru the OL and put his head down, so this play was reviewed and found to be a 100% legal hit. SO I ASK YOU….is there really a reason to keep this Coaching Staff?. Coach recommends starting with Mark Murphy and cleaning out the entire building. WTF – the Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Man I hate being right all the time. This would have been the perfect opportunity for MM to prove me wrong, but Eminem couldn’t resist the temptation to make the worst “Are you f’ing kidding me, McCarthy?” in-game decision of all time. When you’re on the road, late in the game, PROTECTING THE LEAD, in the league’s least-friendly stadium for kickers, YOU DO NOT ATTEMPT A 57-YARD FIELD GOAL and risk giving the opponent fantastic field position. Al Michaels referred to it as “…a fascinating strategy…” but Coach is here to tell you straight up that this may have been THE WORST decision in McCarthy’s long, sad history of bad in-game decisions. If it’s the last kick to win the game as time is expiring – that’s one thing, but this was something completely different. This was just f’ing stoopid. McCarthy has no business coaching football games. And I’m not just talking about NFL games … I mean zero football games: college, high school, YMCA flag football – none of it. He always does the exact opposite of what any reasonable coach w/should do in critical game situations, and he makes us all dumber for having watched it. He lacks the capacity to think like a head coach in the middle of a game, and God-willing he only has 2 weeks left before he finds a pink slip resting gently atop his mahogany desk. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, though. Clinton-Dix Finds Solace in Poor Play PITTSBURGH,PA–Following his team’s gut-wrenching loss to the Steelers in front of a nationally televised audience, Packers Safety Ha Ha Clinton-Dix confirmed he has taken a more laid-back approach to Defense this season. “Yeah, I was never really good at tackling. It’s kinda hard, and I don’t like it. They say ‘practice makes perfect’ but I say nobody’s perfect, so why practice?” Packers fans recall Ha Ha’s rookie season struggles, easily falling for simple juke moves against Seattle that prevented Green Bay’s return to the Super Bowl. Most of this year for Clinton-Dix has been … well, whatever you would call the opposite of a tackling clinic, and Sunday night was no exception. Play after play after play, you could see Offensive ball carriers zigging while Ha Ha was zagging, as if both players were oppositely polarized magnets. Moreover, pass coverage by Clinton-Dix in 2017 has been abysmal. Game after game, in critical down and distance situations, Ha Ha consistently has been out of position. Things have gotten so bad that game announcers have publically suggested Morgan Burnett is a “good” player, just because he returned to the field and was not as glaring of a weakness as Clinton-Dix. “I’m okay with it.” said Ha Ha. “I did about what I figured I would do, so that kinda makes me happy sort of. Can I go now?” The Bears still suck – the Coach has proof Pederson to Team: “Next time show up for the damn game!” PHILADELPHIA- A red-faced Doug Pederson was fuming mad after his team’s 31-3 victory over the Chicago Bears this past Sunday afternoon. “I’m sorry to say it was evident during this week’s practices that my players weren’t taking the Bears seriously.” Pederson said to reporters following the game. “That’s my fault and I need to coach better. Most of the veterans didn’t even show up for practice until the Friday walk-through telling me it was basically a bye week for them.” The Eagles led the Bears 24-0 at halftime following an uncontested touchdown reception by former Bears wide out Alshon Jeffry. Jeffry called out Eagles teammates at halftime suggesting they weren’t trying hard enough and they should have been up by at least 6 or 7 touchdowns by then. Pederson pulled his 1st and 2nd string players in the second half, as most would have expected to send a message that they needed to show more effort or their jobs would be on the line. Following the game, however, the head coach clarified this benching was just merely “…standard protocol for early pre-season games or when you play the Bears.” In response to Pederson’s condescending assertion, Bears head coach John Fox said “I don’t know what the Eagles are bragging about, we BEAT the 29-point spread!” Udder Stuff – commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky wins Axe and is Unbeaten for the Season – Rewarded By Judges MINNEAPOLIS–The Wisconsin Badgers soundly beat an inferior Minnesota team 31-0 with their most complete performance of the season. Enough said. There is too much too look forward to! As Bucky moves into what should be the first playoff round, i.e. the conference championships, we really hope the team and especially the D is as P.O.’d as we are. The team should have a big chip on their shoulder after pissing away the game in Indy last year against PSU. The seniors will remember how it felt to go to Indy favored and scamper away 0-59 losers to none other than their foe this weekend, the Ohio State University. Along with the lack of respect being given on the airwaves and by the FBS beauty pageant judges, there should be plenty of bulletin board material to get the team revved up for this Saturday night! Click here Wisconsin once again finds itself in a game that that if won, puts them over the top. If we win, the pundits will STFU. If we lose, they will be proven right. This is right where we want to be at this stage of the season! This is the game that cements Bucky as an elite program. We will not accept losing late in the game, like in the last 3 Rose Bowls and against PSU and OSU last season. The mantle is full of participation trophies and the closet is full of bridesmaid dresses. We have a chance to prove that a school with high academic standards for its athletes, tougher than schools like Stanford or Northwestern, proves they can run with the least academically challenging school in the Big Ten, Ohio State. Cue your favorite Cardale Jones quotes. Click here So how does Wisconsin win this game? Well, we have a couple of points to consider…. 1. Stop doing stupid shit, including: a. No silly cross field passes by Horn Dog for pick 6. b. Taylor dropping the ball. c. Stop the poorly timed holding and procedure penalties. 2. To avoid a debacle like last year in Indy, we need to get after the passer and play solid coverage, all while keeping up our impenetrable run defense. Ohio State has the best passing game we have faced and our secondary will be tested. If we have a weak link on D, it is the pass defense. Speaking of Wisconsin’s secondary, they haven’t really been tested all season. They have done very well against flawed offenses. A mental collapse like we saw last year vs. Penn State hopefully would be nipped in the bud by the defensive coordinator. Particularly unnerving last year was the number of passes that were interceptable while Jamerson, Tindall and others stood by and watch the ball float into the receiver’s hands uncontested. This cannot recur! 3. If we can get the running game going against tOSU’s standard D, they will sell out and Horn Dog will start hitting our young wide receiving corps and Fumigalli, and the route will be on! The defensive line is strong, the linebackers average and the secondary average. They could not cover Iowa’s tight ends and Iowa had no receiving threats. Pay no heed to Barrett’s bad knee and supposed surgery on Saturday. They have a viable back up and we cannot put it past Urban al Assad that the surgery is a ruse to get Bucky to be overconfident. The judges this year have deemed the PAC-12 unworthy, as well as any other team not in the Big Ten, Big 12, ACC, or SEC. Whoever wins their respective conference championship games should be in the playoffs. In the screwed up set up we have with the FBS, that is the best we can hope for. But, something crazy could happen, like TCU winning and USC or unworthy Alabama sneaking in. As you know, we at the BU are strong advocates for team passing the “scoreboard test” and not an “eye test” to reach the playoffs. And, we believe that a team must win their conference to go through to the next round. If Bucky wins in Indy, they will almost certainly be in the playoffs. If we wind up #2 or #3 we will be in the Rose Bowl baby! This seems like the most probable outcome to the BU, point spreads and pundit predictions be damned. Prediction... Bucky 34 Bucknuts 16 ...in an ass whupping that the score does not reflect. We’re gonna kick you’re a$$ – predictions for the upcoming game …in light of the current situation, Coach exclaims: “What the FUTSA?” (What as to happen For Us To Stay Alive?) OK, we had a “moral victory” against the Stillers, but in real life that was an “L” and the prospect of making the playoffs are getting very dim. But until the light actually goes out, Coach is going to keep showing you the probabilities! One of the few intelligent things that Coach Eminem has said recently is “I don’t worry about Playoffs until we get to 10 wins”. To hit 10 wins, each of the remaining games is a “must-win”. If we run the table and get to 10 wins, we have a 92% chance of making the playoffs. Have fun with this playoff simulator (Click on Link). Lose to the Bucs and those odds drop to 30% Coach just has to tell you young’ins, this really is like last year (remember “…run the table?”) or the 70’s & 80’s. Debating 73 different low-odds-scenarios to make the playoffs was a staple every year. So, here we go kids, we need to beat the Creamsicles so that AR can ride in on a white horse for the Charlotte Kitties game in WK 14. “Coach, can we beat Tampa Bay?” You bet Jimmy! The Buc’s are 2-1 over the last three games, beating the Jets, the Fish and losing to Atlanta. Statistically they are mired in the bottom of the League next to us. For the season, we have been beaten less badly than they have. As the table below illustrates to the casual observer, we usually lose by 2.6 points and they usually lose by -3.5! Jimmy, that’s what we call exciting! They have been pretty decent over the last 3 games, but that has been driven by an unsustainably positive 2.3 turnover differential. If we take care of the ball, we will take care of TB and the Buccaneers. And!! There are other key factors to consider in the game… …TB is the worst franchise in the NFL history, ranked number 32 with an all-time winning percentage of 38.9% …The Pack leads the all-time series 32-21-1. …TB insists on rolling with the Creamsicle uniform. …and most importantly, Jamies Winston is coming off of the injury report and will play against the Packers. It is believed that the shoulder he injured this fall was actually a re-injury of the purloined-crab-shoulder. Fans may recall that Winston sprained his shoulder while stiff-arming the fish monger in the Publix Deli while practicing during his time at FSU. You can take this one to the bank… Packers 27 Bucs 20 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Sunday, December 1st, 1985, where were you? (Yeah I know, some of you were just a twinkle in your father’s eye back then… or a stubborn sperm hell-bent on piercing rubber and an IUD whilst your steadfast egg-mate overcame toxic venoms dispersed by the pill. But I digress…) In Green Bay, WI it was 27F and snowing…12 inches overnight and another 5-6” between 1 pm and 4 pm…when the Packers were playing the Tampa Buccaneers and the weather was the star of the game. This game was known for many things including the lowest recorded home attendance ever at Lambeau Field. As always, the game was sold out but only 19,856 fans went thru the turnstiles and there were over 36,000 no-shows. Don’t worry… …Coach completely ignored the “travel ban,” jumped into his German-engineered “Peoples Wagon” and made his way from the East Side of Green Bay to Lambeau. Green Bay, no stranger to snow removal, was completely overwhelmed by the wet heavy stuff. Most of the streets were un-plowed and it took Coach the entire first half to make it to the Stadium. Coach is proud to report that he was the 19,857th fan to attend the game, but by the time he got there they had given up taking tickets and all the gates were wide open and his attendance was, sadly, not reported. The good news of so few fans is that the atmosphere in the stadium was like 4th grade recess in a blizzard (which is another great story for another time). Coach walked right in and sat down in row 19 of Section 20, the 50 yd line right behind the Packer’s bench. Kicking some snow to the side to create a place for my feet, and a ¾ full 5th of Wild Turkey. BTW – Section 20 is correct – the stadium was much smaller, just the benches up to row 60 and a few 1st-generation Skyboxes, so no “Sect 120” as it is labeled today. (Math note: a ¾ full 5th is actually 3/20th of a gallon, which doesn’t sound like much, but Coach assures you, the discerning reader, that 3/20th of a gallon is sufficient for one person for a half-a-game. And, please remember kids, this was 16 years before Koran wielding nut jobs took flying lessons into the Twin Towers…no metal detectors and security checks like today… so there was plenty of smuggled venison sausage, beer and hard stuff that regularly got passed around the stadium. Ahh the good ole’ days.) Oh yeah, back to the game. The game was fantastic! Lynn Dickey was slinging the ball all over the place and Eddie Lee Ivery rushed for 109 yards on 13 carries through the snow! The Packers absolutely dominated the Buccaneers en route to a 21–0 victory. Despite four turnovers, the Packers offense gained 512 total yards on 31 first downs, with the Buccaneers recording only 65 yards on 5 first downs. Packers wide receiver James Lofton received passes totaling over 100 yards from quarterback Lynn Dickey by halftime. Green Bay ran 72 plays to Tampa Bay's 36. Packers defensive end Alphonso Carreker sacked Buccaneers quarterback and future Pro Football Hall of Famer Steve Young four times. It was Young's second game in the league after he left the USFL. You remember the USFL… starter league for Packers greats Reggie White and Harry Sydney, and had teams with rich owners who knew nothing about football and later became President of the USA and mocked present-day football players for drawing attention to themselves instead of showing reverence to our flag? But I digress… "When I looked out the hotel window this morning, I felt this was going to be incredible," Steve Young said later in the Tampa Bay locker room. "I've heard about Lambeau Field, the history of the Packers and everything ... a snowstorm in Green Bay. What else could you ask for?" The Buccaneers rolled up 65 total yards while Young's 11-yard scramble was the Bucs' longest play of the game. The closest they came to scoring was a missed 35-yard field goal attempt by Donald Igwebuike. In a sweep of symmetry, Coach was at Lambeau 11 years later during Young’s last game at there. Coach enjoyed a brief moment of schadenfreude as Young limped passed him and into the 49’ers locker room with sore knees and broken ribs during the 1996 Divisional Round Playoffs. Thank you, Reggie, Gilbert, Santana and Sean. Gemütlichkeit. Back to the Snowbowl! One of Coach’s favorite Packer Trivia Questions is “When was Lynn Dickey’s last game?” Yup, the Snow Bowl. He had a heck of a game, but injured his neck in a weight lifting accident the following week…and never played again. Some say he actually embellished the injury because he lost the will to play. (Actually, HE said that, but that’s a story for another day. Back to our story of this day…) The Tampa Bay team was created in 1973 under terms of the 1970 AFL/NFL merger agreement that expanded the NFL to twenty-eight teams. A “name-the-team-contest” resulted in the name "Buccaneers," a reference to the pirates who frequented Florida's Gulf coast and grabbed pillows during anal intercourse. However, the logo is a bit of a mystery. Top cultural anthropologists have been engaged to research the question, but as yet no one has been able to pin-point the exact origin of the creamsicle shaded swashbuckler. The Buccaneers joined the NFL in 1976 in the AFC West Division. The following year, they were moved to the NFC Central, joining the Packers, Bears, Lions & Vikings. The Seahawks, the other 1976 expansion team, switched conferences with Tampa Bay and joined the AFC West.
The Cultural DNA of the Buc’s has not changed. The history of the franchise is one of despair and losing, punctuated by a few winning seasons. Longtime USC coach John McKay was recruited as the team's first head coach. Despite McKay's coaching, the Bucs often appeared incompetent, with missed tackles, fumbled snaps, and a frustrating inability to score (#ChicagoBears), and the patience of fans and local media soon wore thin. The team's notorious 26-game regular season losing streak -- including a then-record 0-14 season (a record since broken by the 2008 Detroit Lions, who went 0-16) -- prompted "Throw McKay in the Bay" bumper stickers. The 1976 Bucs are widely considered one of the worst NFL teams of all time. They were shut out five times and scored only 125 points the entire season, an average of nine per game, while giving up 412. The Buccaneers suffered so many injuries that they were forced to hire players off the street and from the CFL. Late in the 1977 season, fans wore bags on their heads and encouraged the team to "go for 0" (as in zero wins). After a particularly dismal effort during the streak, coach McKay gave perhaps the quintessential comment on the team's plight. In a post-game press conference, Tampa Tribune sports editor Tom McEwen asked McKay about the execution of his team's offensive line. McKay responded, "I’m in favor of it." McKay is arguably the most quoted Coach in NFL history, a couple of Coach’s other favorites: - On why he rarely had bed checks: “You usually wind up staying up all night, or until your best player comes in.'' - "We can’t win at home, we can’t win on the road, so we were going to petition the league for a neutral site." - On Bill Capece, who was waived in 1983 after missing a field goal and extra point: “Capece is kaput.'' - On place-kicker Pete Rajecki having a bad camp with the Bucs because McKay made him nervous: “I don't think he's got much of a future here, because I plan on going to all the games.'' - On his disdain for the Packers: “If a contest had 97 prizes, the 98th would be a trip to Green Bay.'' Too bad he wasn’t coaching during the SnowBowl…. …alas we will not have snow this weekend, Soccer Moms in their Suburban’s have warmed the planet to the point where I will mow the grass on December 1st. But rest easy fans, Coach will be there, even if he has to wear shorts. So this week we salute Mother Nature of the North, Green Bay’s weather, as an honorary Packer and perennial X-Factor for the team. Now let's go kick some Buccaneers ass!
1 Comment
9/6/2023 12:11:07 am
When it comes to dropping off your rental car at Charlotte Airport, you can find ample signage within the airport grounds to guide you. Following all directions, travel along the airport roadways towards the Hourly Deck.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
Categories |