Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Rodgers is what we thought he was… Is he tanking? No. Don’t be ridiculous (or that stupid). Conspiracy theorists, get a life. Has he lost a step? Probably. He is not as elusive as he once was, and he is more apt to be sacked because of it. …and don’t be too impressed by his ability to throw a football into a net at the Don Hutson Center. You’d be surprised how many guys can consistently throw a football into a small target 60 yards away (I know for a fact TJ Rubley still can, Joel Stave, too), but hardly any can do it while being chased by fast, 300-pound men (including Rodgers). Jordan Love can drop it in on the run, but not as consistently as 4 or 5 other guys in the NFL right now. Did Ass-Rod’s lack of participation in OTA’s and mandatory mini-camp affect his play, and the play of those around him? Probably. I know I can’t prove that, but you can’t prove me wrong either. And, let’s face it, Coach has been 100% accurate on stuff like this (unfortunately) since Al Gore invented the Interweb. So what does that make Erin Rodgers? As far as I can tell, sifting through mounds of data, interviews and video footage, Rodgers is, as Ron Wolf so eloquently put it, a diva. A prima donna entering a mid-life crisis as a desperate, insecure celebrity, just like Silvio told us about… Pardon the double negative, but Rodgers can’t stand not being the center of attention. If he was truly finding wisdom in silence, then why was he posting photos of himself in Hawaii and wearing an “I’m Offended” t-shirt during a promotional interview … for a televised celebrity foursome golf match!? Yep, he’s a dandy. He’s a real fancy boy. But he’s only in his element when everyone loves him, and now they don’t. Apologies to the greatest quarterback ever and alien from another planet, Tom Brady, but as those of us human beings hovering at (or on north side of) 40 know – you can’t hold time hostage and bounce back year after year at the top of your game, and now Ass-Rod’s clever(?), “beautiful mystery” strategy has backfired into the Summer of Love by his own hand. He can’t undo that, and football is only going to get easier and more productive for Love while just the opposite occurs for Rodgers. In late January, Rodgers proved to us all that he was no longer a match for the poise of Tom Brady on the gridiron (even at 7 years Brady’s younger) … and that drove Erin CRAZY. So what did he do? He took his ball and went home. Then, jumping the shark, he dragged Brady onto his turf, a golf course, where Rodgers could publicly display more skill (I didn’t watch, but he got the attention he wanted). It’s a good thing Rodgers has a 12 on his jersey because he needs both digits. When he’s not called #1, he plays like #2. Now, if you want to crown him, then crown his ass, but he is who we thought he was. …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme Erin Rodgers’ 36.8 passer rating was the fourth worst of his career in 191 regular-season games as a starter. As has been widely reported, Rodgers and LaFleur anticipated that the Saints would blitz heavily, just like in last year’s game. LaFleur and Rodgers, like many generals who fail in battle, planned to fight the last war, and did not anticipate what was in front of them. {See also: “French prepare for WWII by building the Maginot Line”; see further: “Germans ignore Maginot Line and drive around it by going through Belgium.”} When the Saints rushed 4 and dropped 7 into coverage, we didn’t adapt. LaFleur and Rodgers, like many generals who fail in battle, did not change the plan. “Plan, plan, plan; but no plan survives first contact with the enemy.” {As frequently referenced by Coach, see also: Von Clausewitz, “Vom Kriege”, 1832} Instead, Erin resorted to his typical fallback plan, the Melissa McCarthy Offense. Step back, run around, pat the ball, and hope somebody gets open. The airwaves have been filled this week with lamentations of “Erin quit” and “watch out Lions, Erin has never lost 2 in a row under LaFleur”, but Coach firmly disagrees:
Not only did he not quit (damn, another double negative!), he tried too hard! Erin R is a narcissist who doesn’t trust anyone but himself and as a result he loses the games that really count by trying to do it all himself. The LaFleur offense has a run/pass option on virtually every play, so one can only conclude that Rodgers was the one deciding not to run the ball. He pulled the same crap during the 2019 Season and in the 2020 NFC Championship Game. Last January he wouldn’t hand off to AJ Dillion and ditto, same-ole’-shit against the Saints (Dillion had 3 carries @ 5.7 yds/carry in NFC Championship and 4 carries @ 4.8 yds/carry in Saints game). The only exception during the 2019 Season was when Devante Adams was hurt and out for 4 games and Erin was forced to play the LaFleur Offense (see previous episodes of The Show!!!; there was a 9 pt/gm Offensive improvement in 2019 with Adams out of the lineup when Erin was forced to play the LaFleur Offense). Michael Jordan weighs in … Coach asked MJ this week what he thought of the Packers opener in Jacksonville: “Last Dance? Last Dance? Are you f’ng joking? Last Prance maybe, yeah it’s probably the Last Prance for that poser.” Coach tried to reach Erin for comment, but his agent said he was unavailable while practicing for other engagements. According to Erin’s agent, fans should R-E-L-A-X! ...Erin Rodgers will be fully ready for the 2021 Vaudeville Season. And who exactly is the Defensive Coordinator? Halle Berry? Chuck Berry? BeriBeri? Yes, with the help of crack physicians over at Google Doc’s, Coach has determined that our new Defensive Coordinator is BeriBeri, whose symptoms include:
The Defense was completely confused all day and appeared to have significant loss of ambulation. You can see Chandon Sullivan pointing to (?? Nobody ??) to pick up Chris Hogan on this TD. The D was out of place and anything but coordinated all game long. Last week Coach detailed how bad DC BeriBeri’s Defenses were in Detroit and Washington … and now we are tied with the Nashville Oilers for 30th in Def Points Allowed. “I’m really proud of my scars. I really am,” BeriBeri said shortly after he was hired. “I think in life, you’re hardened in life by tough experiences. Now don’t get me wrong, I think you can learn a lot from having success and being in a good place. But I think when true growth takes place, I think it’s when things are really, really hard.” While Coach agrees with the sentiment, it doesn’t appear that he learned any lessons from having his ass previously kicked as DC. BeriBeri may be very “energetic”, but that has not translated into good Defense. We are only one game into the 2021 season, but this looks to be a repeat of the Bob Slowik debacle in 2004. “Fire BeriBeri” is Coach’s mantra until BeriBeri can prove he is capable of something better then atrocious defensive football. Was it all bad Coach? No… It turns out that Elgton Jenkins is one of the best defenders on the team. He not only graded out as the 2nd best offensive Left Tackle in the entire NFL for Week 1, he also made defensive tackles on both of Erin’s interceptions! In fact, Jenkins had more solo tackles than defensive STARTERS Za'Darius Smith, Tyler Lancaster, Darnell Savage and, of course, Kevin King. On both tackles Jenkins took good angles to corner faster DB’s, he fought through blocks, and he made great open field stops. If BeriBeri isn’t any better by Week 3, Coach thinks Elgton should take over … well at least he should be teaching tackling. Other Good Things Rookie Class – good news / bad news Rookies played 167 snaps against the Saints and did very well overall, 7th most for any team on the opening weekend and more than double last year’s season average of 73 across the NFL. The good news? The early indications are that the 2021 Draft Class is going to have several contributors. The bad news? Heed Sean Jones’ warning … you lose one game for every rookie you start! The best news? Borky!! Punter Craig Hentrich was a real weapon as a member of the Packers’ ’96 Super Bowl team, and Ron Wolf often lamented that one of his biggest mistakes as GM was letting Hentrich get away (Wolf didn’t want to be the first GM in the NFL to award a $1 million contract for a kicker). We have struggled with punting ever since, but Coach is hopeful that have just signed the best punter since Hentrich. Lost in the Massacre-in-Jacksonville is how well Borky punted. Every one of his punts landed around the 20-yard line, whether he was 59 yards away or 32 yards away. Only one of his punts was returned, but even that one was a net 43 yards. He also had no problems holding on the only FG attempted by Crosby. Early days with Borky to be sure, but here’s hoping one piece of the Special Teams puzzle is solved… stay tuned! WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up ‘We’re So Screwed,’ Says Detroit Fan After Seeing Lions Scheduled to Play More Teams this Year DETROIT—Dashing any hope he had for the upcoming season, Lions fan Paul Benson told reporters Thursday that Detroit was “so screwed” after seeing they got matched up against other teams again. Following a 41-33 drubbing by the San Francisco 49ers at Ford Field, Benson said “Ah, shit, this season is gonna suck,” upon realizing that the Lions would face other NFL teams multiple weeks in a row, decrying how unfair it was they had to repeatedly go head-to-head with professional football franchises. “It’s back-to-back-to-back-to-back games, and for half of them, we have to go play in a whole different city. What the hell? In the first four weeks, we play teams that have won the Super Bowl. The NFL is always fucking screwing us like this—it’s bullshit!” At press time, Benson told reporters that he was looking forward to the bye week. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Naked Drive-thru Order Gets Bears Coach Nabbed CHICAGO—A Wendy's drive-thru worker called police after current Chicago Bears head coach Matt Nagy allegedly pulled his SUV up to the window and placed an order in the nude, the Chicago Sun Times reported. The worker, who took down Nagy's license plate number, told Douglas Park, Illinois, officers after the late-night incident on Aug. 24 that the suspect "was kind of obscene, I mean, being naked and smacking the heal of his hand to his forehead at the drive-thru?" Nagy awoke in the driver’s seat of his SUV, blue and red lights bouncing off his rearview mirror. He purportedly could not recall how he got there, saying the last thing he remembered was drinking whiskey with a few colleagues at a bar earlier that afternoon. At the time of booking Nagy claimed he just realized the parking lot of the Wendy’s was near his new condo. He’d failed to pair food with the evening’s whiskey. After going home to his apartment—and at some point after he had gotten undressed—he realized he was starving. Neglecting to put his clothes back on, he got in his car to hit the all-night drive-thru. The team allowed Nagy to coach Sunday's season opener (a blowout loss) against the Rams. The Wendy's manager, Mia Letko, said she was working the second drive-thru window when, "The cashier alerted me [that] `a guy coming to your window is naked!'" Added Letko, "He murmured ‘Pace ... Pace!’ to me. I didn't know that meant so I just said, `Here you go with your food, sir.'" The order? A single combo: burger, fries and a drink. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky Struggles to Beat 27 Point Spread It is hard to be excited about the win on Saturday. Like the week before, Wisconsin enjoyed a 2:1 time of possession advantage and dominated on the ground (galloping 352 yards). The D shutout the hapless Eastern Michigan Eagles of Ypsilanti, MI, a suburb of Ann Arbor. Mertz did not suck, going 14-17 for 141 yards and no INT’s. Coach Chyrst let up n Q3 and trotted out the second stringers. Backup Chase Wolf ineptly tossed a pick 6 which necessitated bringing the 1st stringers back to cover the 27 point spread, which they did. Bucky is on a bye week, so we will gear up for some in depth ND reporting next week. In other news, when we were UW students, the most noteworthy blow off class was underwater basket weaving. It was not popular, but everyone got a kick talking about it. Times have changed. Now the rage is a 2 credit course in body painting. To say the least, this class is in high demand and is heavily over subscribed both to attend and to land a coveted spot as a painting subject. Here are some examples of the handiwork coming out of this class! These artists have talent. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Don’t be frightened by the Portsmouth Spartans, kids. The final score may have been 41-33 against a very good 49’ers team, but they were down 38-10 midway through the 3rd Quarter. When the Niners started pulling many of their starters, the Spartans outscored them 23-3 in garbage time. It made the score and the stats a lot closer, but the game was never in doubt. The 49ers simply had more talent on both sides of the ball, and that talent played to its potential. The basic reality for Detroit is that passing offense was anemic and Jared Goff was bad. Jimmy Garoppolo hit the Lions for 314 passing yards on just 25 pass attempts. The Lion’s defense was just bad and ineffective as the Niners rolled up 38 points in the first 37 minutes of the game, on the other hand, they didn’t quit until the final whistle. Was that an anomaly or the start of a trend? After 3 disastrous years with Head Coach Patty Patricia, the Spartans have a Rookie HC, Dan Campbell. In his opening press conference, he threatened: “We’re gonna kick you in the teeth, and when you punch us back we’re gonna smile at you, and when you knock us down, we’re going to get up, and on the way, we’re going to bite a kneecap off." Rah rah aside, he seems to be a complicated fella. "I know this," Campbell said before practice Thursday. "New Orleans kicked the hornet's nest so we're going to get everything they've got, and we have to assume we're going to get their A game and that's how we're preparing." Well, let’s hope that’s the case! Coach would like nothing better than the Packers to show-up on Monday night and repeat the November 24, 1940, game when the Packers thrashed the Spartans 50-7. The Packers raced out to a 43–0 lead in the most lopsided game in the rivalry's history. The betting line has grown to 11 points in favor of the Packers … Coach says, don’t touch this one until we know what sort of team we have this year. It’s a Division Game and we go off to a shaky start on the 2021 Season. We will win, but likely in a tight-one. Packers 31 Spartans 27 ADVERTISEMENT – Pole Dancing Lessons Hey Ladies! Have you always wanted to be a stripper, but didn’t know how to get the proper training? Well, pole dancing lessons have come to the Fox Valley! Our poles are STRONG, so there's no size limit! Sign up today and MAKE IT RAIN $! JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Do you remember when… …we had one of the most creative Offenses in the NFL, QB’d by No. 12? A QB with supreme confidence who could competently throw out of our own endzone to a HOF wide receiver from a college in California? Coach does... After beating the Bears in the season opener, the opening home game of 1981 had a lot of parallels to last Sunday’s melt down in Jacksonville. Everyone came to stadium with high hopes for the season and left thinking we were the worst team in the League. On a very hot Sept 13th, the Pack pounded the Falcons for three Qtr.’s and held a 17-0 lead going into the 4th ... and then the Defensive wheels fell off. Speaking of hot days … Coach’s date, affectionately known as “ice cream”, accompanied Coach to the game and the Candle Stick* after the game, prior getting lost in the soft vanilla folds of local dairy treats. {*BTW, “The Stick” was one of the main-stays of Packer Football in the 70’s & 80’s … and was where everyone went to enjoy the free-post-game-Wonder-Bread-ham-salad-sandwiches and copious amounts of economical macro brew.} OK, where were we? Oh yeah, 1981 and number 12... Coach has been openly critical of the current #12 the past few months, and that’s in part because he is only the 2nd best Packers passer to wear that number. The best passer in a 12 jersey was, hands down, Lynn Dickey. Whatever throw Rodgers can make, Dickey could make with both of his cleats tied together. Actually, that’s not that far off, as Dickey infamously seemed to scamper from defenders “with cement blocks on his feet.” But he was also known as the guy who “could throw a football through the eye of a moving needle.” Lynn Dickey threw footballs like darts into a bullseye. Toward the end of his career he finally was fortunate enough to work with weapons on par with what Rodgers has had his entire career … Dickey had a top-rated wide out (James Lofton), a speed demon on the other side (John Jefferson), a dependable receiving Tight End (Paul Coffman), and a serviceable offensive line (Larry McCarren, Ron Hallstrom, Greg Koch, etc.). In just over 100 games, he threw for almost 22,000 yards and had over 130 touchdown passes. Gaudy numbers in those days when defenders could chuck and hold receivers downfield until the ball was in the air, and there was no such thing as “illegal hands to the face.” In 1983, Dickey set the longstanding team single season passing yardage record gaining 4,458 yards (even more than Brett Favre ever threw!), which was finally broken in 2011 after the rules had changed considerably in favor of the passing game. …and he never had a passer rating as low as Rodgers did last week. In fact, when he played on the road against New Orleans in 1981, he had 5 TD passes and only 2 incomplete passes! In hitting on 19-of-21 passes, or 90.5%, Dickey set the franchise record for completion percentage in a game with at least 20 pass attempts – which sits alone at the top in team annals still today. Interestingly, according to the data recorded in the NFL's official play-by-play of Dickey's pinpoint-accurate day, even his two incompletions were on target (see also, MVS). The Packers easily defeated the Saints that day, 35-7. Ironically (or prophetically?), Lynn also wore number 10 for three years; the same number he donned for the Houston Oilers as a backup before being traded to Green Bay. If Jordan Love (also #10) can eventually throw like Lynn, then Dickey will be known as the 2nd best QB to wear number 10 for the Packers, and Rodgers will be known as “that guy on Jeopardy! who played sports.” Unlike Rodgers, Dickey was burdened with a Packers Defense that yielded only one ProBowler over the 9 seasons he started as QB in Green Bay (last week’s hero, Willie Buchanon). As prolific of a passer as Dickey was in that era, the team’s record with him under center was a paltry 47-56-2. 1983 was a classic example … the team went 8-8 (Dickey’s high-water mark). The Packers scored a whopping 429 points that year, but gave up 439! As bad as the Packers D is today, it’s doubtful they will give up that many points, even with 17 games! …fingers crossed.
So, despite losing his will to play in 1985 (when he was at the top of his game) because the Packers defense was too limp to win more than half of their games each season, this week we stand at full attention with our Dickey salute!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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