Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: The annual free concert at Lambeau might be the best venue on earth… …whether you prefer Country or Western music, we all can agree that a free concert at Lambeau is a pretty good thing. And if you happen to get July-like weather in late September the day before the 1st home game of the season for this concert, that’s pretty awesome, too. Now, consider that the fine folks in Green Bay also throw in free parking at the stadium, with tailgating encouraged (of course), and carry-ins to the concert are totally allowed … well shit, brother, that’s just amazing stuff you can’t find anywhere else in what is left of America. At the risk of sounding braggadocious, Coach was fortunate enough again to find himself a row or two from the front of the stage for this year’s act, Jake Owen. Although almost everyone around me seemingly had a cooler full of beer in tow, Jake was kind enough to reach into his own cooler up on stage and occasionally toss out cans of cold beer to the crowd, too! That was awesome. About 5-ft to my left, a man proposed to a woman in between songs, and that took the crowd by storm. Jake had the newly engaged couple immediately come up on stage and he ad-libbed some words to his song on the fly to customize it just for them. Later on, he pulled a little kid up on stage that was holding a cancer-research fundraising poster, and had the parent take a photo the two of them. Also memorable, Jake drew the crowd’s attention to a little girl sitting on her daddy’s shoulders throughout the show, and pointed out that she was wearing an American flag decorated hat – everyone cheered as if Gilbert Brown just sacked a QB. So, yeah, even though I am not what you’d call a Country Music aficionado, or what you’d call a fan of Mark Murphy, Coach left that gig thinking it was about the best entertainment event anyone could possibly have for free. I calls ’em as I sees ’em: Nice job on this one, Murph …at least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme OK, we came back in the 2nd half and beat a mediocre Lions team, and for sure 1-1 is way better than 0-2 … but did they pass the eye test for you? Hmmm, didn’t think so. Watching the Packers get pushed all around the yard on Defense does not inspire confidence in the Team. As the 1st Half ended, Coach and his band of merry men debated booing the Pack off of the field … alas, in the end we sat silently, which is what the other 77,000 in attendance decided to do. This was very bizarre for Coach, usually there are hearty cheers at the end of the Half at Lambeau and naturally booing on occasion when warranted. But never, ever has Coach seen the crowd just sit in silence. The lack of reaction reflected the mood: “…really, ‘Last Dance’? Forget dancing and prancing, this Team is going nowhere fast.” Sure, there were highlights, none better than Aaron Jones going off for 4 TDs. Even more encouraging, the Defense showed signs of a pulse in the 2nd Half, including this 4th down pass break-up by Rookie 1st Round Pick, Eric Stokes (below). …and other than 1 big mistake that gave up a TD (playing man on crossing route, when the rest of the D was in zone), he actually scored out very well across the entire game. While the signs of life are great, they only came after LaFleur ripped D Coordinator BeriBeri a new one at half-time. LaFleur ordered BeriBeri to dial up the pressure on Goff and Preston Smith delivered. But let’s be honest with ourselves kids, Borky is the team MVP so far… Borky has punted seven times this year including three times in the Lions game. Each one of his punts has helped the team. Even his “bad” punt (his first against the Lions), the one that didn’t look too pretty, was a net 46 yards as it went O.B. for no return. Have another look at the chart, his last two punts landed on the Lions’ 9-yard line. This guy is going to single-handedly save at least 2 wins this year. Add-in Kylin Hill’s 41-yard kick-off return that setup the Packers’ 2nd TD, and maybe, just maybe, Special Teams are starting to turn the corner. Fingers crossed… WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL Clarifies That The Entire League Isn't Gay, Just The San Francisco 49ers NEW YORK CITY, NY—After generating buzz over their "football is gay" marketing campaign, the NFL has clarified that they weren't really talking about all of football or the entire league being gay, they were just talking about the San Francisco 49ers. "Yeah, we're sorry about that," said an apologetic Roger Goodell to reporters. "I suppose we should have been more precise in the language we used. I take full responsibility for the confusion and vow to do better in the future. But yeah-- the 49ers are totally gay." Californians were quick to brag on the announcement that an entire football team from their liberal state has finally chosen to come out of the closet. "I mean, we always knew, but it takes courage to come out and this is an exciting step for progress in equality and acceptance," said Goodell. "We hope that over time, all the other gay teams will come out of the closet as well." "Or at least Aaron Rodgers. I mean come on, man!" The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof It's funny, because it's true... Here are the actual September 23 rankings of the NFL's top 10 backup quarterbacks in 2021; not by me, of course (why TF would I rank backup quarterbacks?), but by NFL insider Nick Shook of NFL.com (some cache there). And remember, the Bears traded UP to #11 in this year's draft to select Justin Field... Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground NCAA Investigating God For Giving Gifts To Athletes The Underground has been following a booster scandal that many are already calling the most damaging in the history of collegiate sports. The NCAA announced Tuesday that it has launched an investigation into God, Divine Creator of Heaven and Earth, for allegedly giving gifts to Notre Dame student-athletes. Reports indicated that over the past several decades, the Almighty has provided numerous players from the University of Notre Dame football program with an abundance of unwarranted media and referee favoritism, and questionable wealth following their departure from the school. Both the university and the players themselves are now said to be facing heavy sanctions and punishments. “We take these allegations incredibly seriously and are doing everything in our power to determine the precise nature of God’s relationship with these college athletes,” said NCAA president Mark Emmert. “There is mounting evidence that the Lord—in blatant violation of NCAA rules and regulations—bestowed upon these players special gifts and innate abilities that student-athletes at other universities never received.” We reached out to God for comment regarding these allegations late this week as he was purportedly preparing to attend the Ryder Cup, but he did not respond to our texts and his voice-mail box was full. We will continue to bring you developments on this story as they become available. ADVERTISEMENT We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game We are going to go out to Corduroy Field and have, well … (a field day?) What Coach? But all the talking heads say we get killed there all of the time, how can we possibly win? For starters, it’s unlikely we will have to face Rookie QB Trey Wichita. We will also be hitting them with heavy doses of Quadzilla, maybe some Kylin and probably even Erin Rodgers will play the LaFleur offense and throw the ball to MVS & Lazard (watch for both to have breakout games, they have 5 catches total between them so far). While all of those are important factors, the two most important reasons are: Number 1: Dating back to 2015, the Niners and Packers have played 5 times. Four times in SF and once in GB. If you listen to all the talking heads, you would think we have been beaten by 30 points every time. ACTUAL RESULTS? WE HAVE WON 3 OUT OF THE LAST 5 GAMES! Go look it up… Number 2: Let’s face it, through two games the Defense is colossally terrible. Yes, they played better in the 2nd-Half after Peter LaFleur told defensive coordinator Joe Barry to either play coverage or get after the quarterback because playing man and sending just four in the first half wasn't creating any pressure. Maybe it helped, but two of the Lions’ 2nd half drives ended because they were backed-up on penalties, one was an unforced Goff fumble and one they went for a pass on 4th and 1 that the Rook broke-up. But that’s not the point! The point is that Coach LaFleur absolutely tore the stupendously incompetent Coach BeriBeri a new one … ...which makes this Coach optimistic about a firing in the near future! The Niners are favored by 3 at home … but pay no attention Boys & Girls … we gonna win and SHOCK DA WORLD! Packers 27 49ers 21 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them So this year the Packers will don their “new” 1950’s unis. Although Coach isn’t really all that big on the throwbacks, I kinda dig these Kelly green jerseys with the gold stripes. As you might have heard, the early 1950s were not a particularly successful time for the Packers on the field. It was, however, the dawn of an extraordinarily eventful decade OFF the field, with the Packers organization at a turning point between Lambeau and Lombardi, and a franchise-saving stock sale that helped lay the groundwork for the eventual construction of Lambeau Field, which in turn set up the team to stay in Green Bay through modern times. Early in that decade, Gene Ronzani was the head coach and the Packers usually lost twice as many games as they won. You probably wouldn’t recognize the names of most of the starters during those years, much less the 2nd stringers. But there was a band of backups who will forever live infamously in Packers lore for their off the field shenanigans… Opening day of deer season in 1953 was November 21, with a Packers game against the San Francisco 49ers the following morning in Milwaukee. Eight reserve players on the Packers squad accepted an offer to use a friend’s deer camp 20 short miles northeast of Green Bay. After a not-so-productive daytime hunt, that evening got pretty wild with heavy drinking, high stakes gambling, cow tipping, and a drive to the local gentlemen’s club to see the sexiest ladies in Euren. They met the madam, Kathy Tuer, who (they later bragged) gave them “…several fine Euren specimens.” The Euren 8 consisted of Peter Seaping, Yuri Nari, Harry Pisseur, Stacey Rect, Rod Stream, Dick Dribble, Willy Shakes, and Billy Rubin. Those guys did not see any playing time against the 49ers the next day. After a brothel shower in Euren, they headed down Highway 42 and barely made it to County Stadium in time for the noon kickoff. Reeking of alcohol that Sunday morning, Ronzani kept them all on the bench and the Packers lost 37-7. As performance of each of the “8” waned in subsequent games and into the next season, guys got cut and the gang eventually disbanded. So this week we raise our glass to posthumously salute a motley crew who often followed their Euren trips with a shit performance. To Euren 8!!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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