Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Gruden forced his way out… The timing was too perfect. Halloween is approaching, USA Network / SYFY Channel launched its new “CHUCKY” TV series this week, and – as Erin Rodgers proved, you can’t be both an NFL star AND star in a hit TV show at the same time. So what’s a bigot to do? Easy, pull out some old emails and “leak” them to investigators who are looking to take down the former president of the Redskins. Sorry, I mean the Washington Football Team. Bippi-dee-bop, 2-minutes later, no one questions your excuse to resign, and you can fulfill your dream of being a primetime cable TV star. Wait, didn’t … he have … a gig like that … already? Anyway, Urban Meyer sure is happy. Talk about a well-timed diversion! A little grab-ass-grind (a.k.a. “GAG” to the AARP community) is nothing compared to racist tropes, sprinkled with some NFL-Commissioner-demeaning comments laid out for all to see. You know who else is happy? Erin Rodgers. He was almost playing for Gruden this year! Good thing that didn’t pan out. …at least, in Coach's humble opinion. Oh, as a reminder, and I can’t believe I even have to say this, but… The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! is satire. Often we use sarcasm -- sometimes even to shed light on the stoopidity of prejudice in the football world (yes, I know it’s supposed to be spelled “stupidity” – sheeez, are you not getting this?). And by “football” I mean the stuff the Packers play, not that gay (happy) soccer stuff. See also, The People vs. Larry Flint. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme In the end we won, we’re 4-1 and we’re not apologizing, no matter how ugly we looked doing it. We out gained the Bungles 466 to 367 yards, but we have bottom-of-the-NFL Red Zone Offense and Defense. (Literally every time the other team has gotten in the RZ they have scored a TD.) And after 3 missed FG and a missed XP, Crosby kicked the game winning score. Said Aaron Jones: "I went up to him and just told him I loved him. That was it. He told me he loved me, gave me a little head nod, and went out there and hit the game-winner.” Coach is confident that Ray Nitschke would have said something different… but hey, I guess Coach grew up in a different era. The Bengals HC, Zac Taylor, was at a loss to describe his team’s 25-22 defeat to the Packers. “I just hate f’ng kickers,” said Taylor. I think he kicked a wall and broke his foot or something like that, I don’t know, but we just didn’t score enough runs to win.” It was a crazy game with five out of the last seven drives ending with missed field goals. On Sunday, NFL kickers also missed 12 extra points — tying the Super Bowl-era record for most in one week set in Week 11 of 2016 — and shanked 12 field goal attempts. It was the first time since the NFL moved back the extra-point line of scrimmage in 2015 that kickers missed double-digit attempts on both field goals and extra points in the same week. This season, NFL kickers are converting only 92.4 percent of their extra-point attempts from the 15-yard line, the lowest success rate since the 1979 season (91.3 percent), when extra points were attempted from the 2-yard line. Crosby had not missed multiple field goals in a game since the 2018 disaster in Detroit, when he missed four field goals and an extra point. Since that game he’d only missed a total of 4 field goals combined, across all games, until kicking in Cincinnati. Crosby became the first kicker to miss three field goals in the fourth quarter and/or overtime since the Giants' Jay Feely in Week 12 of the 2005 season against the Seahawks. Coach, is kicking a FG really that hard to do? Yes Jimmy, it is. Crosby’s longest miss on the day was a 51 yarder, which has a little less than a 7-degree window to kick through. Soze, Coach, how tight is a 7-degree window anyway? Well Jimmy, you know when you have to pee in the stand-up toilets at school? And you know how hard it is to aim for one of those little holes, while missing the big breath mint, and keep your aim right on the hole? Well, that’s a 10-degree window. That missed extra point on the first touchdown is what put the game into OT in the first place. Lots has been made of the mechanics, the snap, the hold, yada, yada, yada. The fact remains that Crosby has now made 28 out of his last 31 kicks (90.3%), which puts him in the top 5 kickers over the last three years … so lighten up, Francis, Crosby is not why the game was so close. One play (maybe two) turned the whole game into a potential debacle for the Pack (Coach will ignore ANOTHER HUGE KICK RETURN by the opponents RIGHT BEFORE HALFTIME, which seems to occur every week). Up 16-7 with seconds remaining in the 1st Half, DC BeriBeri called a “prevent nothing” defense... Parents, please teach your children to use what Coach likes to call the “two hands” technique. It works great for catching all sorts of things, like footballs for instance. Notice the pass rush? No, you don’t, because there is none (it emerged later that there was confusion on the call and only two guys are rushing). Didn’t we just see a cheap TD before Half-Time cost us a game last January? Thank goodness we were playing the Bungles and not the Bucs. Speaking of bungles … there were plenty of other mistakes and reasons we did not achieve an easy blow out the Bungles. You may not realize this, but a key element in successful football plays is something called “blocking” … which Equanimeous St. Brown demonstrates how not to do. Let’s hope MVS gets back from IR soon and ESB goes back to the Practice Squad (or is cut). This play for minus-1 yard on the 25-yard line ended up killing the drive after Rodgers forced an incompletion to Adams on 3rd down (the drive ended in a FG to make it 9-7 Pack). But obviously it wasn’t all bad for the Offense, AJ Dillion is really emerging as a receiving threat. Speaking of forcing throws to Adams. There has been a lot written and said this week about Erin Rodgers focusing too much on Davante Adams. Let Coach be clear, Adams is a tremendous talent and needs to be heavily involved in the game. BUT! The problem arises when the game is tight and literally everyone in the stadium knows that Rodgers is going to force the ball to Adams. The throw above is the play immediately after the ESB missed block. It’s 3rd & 11 and Erin forces a throw to a covered Adams when Lazard is open underneath and Bobby Tonyan is coming open on the right side. Adams caught 11 passes for a career-high 206 yards and a touchdown in the Packers’ win over the Bungles, but it doesn’t change the facts in the Matt LaFleur era. The Packers are: 6-0 and score 33 points/gm when Adams does not play. 26-9 and score 26 points/gm when Adams plays. All 9 losses of the LaFleur era came with Adams playing and with Adams getting about 1/3rd of the pass targets. When the Adams-security-blanket is not available, Rodgers more effectively involves other players. Period. For most Regular Season games this doesn’t matter very much, the Rodgers-Adams connection scores a buncha points and looks pretty…but, the problem is in the big games… the problem is in the games we lose and are not balanced offensively… The problem is Rodgers, not Adams. In an alarming development, HC Petite Fleur said “statistics are for losers” when asked this week if there was a problem. That’s usually the first sign that things are slipping. (See also: failed NFL Head Coach; Melissa McCarthy.) OK, enough of the rant. Coach is going to repeat something from last week: And probably the thing that makes Coach the happiest is that we are 3-1, even with a bunch of injuries piling up. (Now 4-1) Go ask Hoody or TB12 if they care about “winning” the Regular Season. The Regular Season is about forming a team and testing depth. The 2010 Pack was only 10-6, but they played better and better throughout the Season, all while piling up a record number of guys on Season-Ending-Injured-Reserve. Yes, we’ve had a ton of injuries, but that hasn’t stopped Gutey from making a ton of improvements. How many teams can win on the road without three of their five offensive line starters -- one an All-Pro and another a Pro Bowler -- and without their two best defensive players? Gutey keeps finding guys and LaFleur keeps winning, pretty or not. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL Warns Unvaccinated Players Will Face Consequences For Domestic Violence Charges NEW YORK—Stressing that Covid-19 outbreaks are devastating for teams, the National Football League warned Wednesday that unvaccinated players would face consequences for domestic violence charges. “If a game is cancelled due to multiple Covid infections, the NFL will be forced to finally start punishing unvaccinated team members for abusive behavior towards their girlfriend, spouse, or children,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, adding that the league would not hesitate to fine, investigate, or even suspend the unvaccinated players in question, even if their charges had been previously swept under the rug by coaches, police, or the league. “While 75% of NFL players are partially vaccinated with one shot, those who refuse will risk their entire team being punished for domestic violence crimes they committed as far back as in college. If you’re unvaccinated and end up in a bar fight, or the police get called to your house at 3 a.m. and some nasty cell phone footage gets leaked, we may no longer completely look the other way.” Goodell added that this edict in no way is intended to distract fans attention from recent revelations that the NFL has been turning a blind eye to egregious behaviors in the coaching and management ranks for many years. He went on to clarify, “Although we reviewed 650,000 e-mails from League magnates who felt totally comfortable expressing their darkest perspectives to Washington's Bruce Allen, we only found a few that were questionable and they all were John Gruden's. Nobody else. Now turn away and take comfort in knowing we have put that one to bed.” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Bears Sign Young 70-Year-Old Backup To Compete With Virginia Halas McCaskey For Owner Job Using rival Green Bay Packers quarterbacks-drafting strategy to light a fire under their chief executive after years of poor performance, the Chicago Bears signed a young 70-year-old backup owner on Tuesday to compete with 98-year-old Virginia Halas McCaskey for her job. The Bears have been in the NFL since the league's first year in 1920 and in that time, the team has only been owned by one family, but according to Jim O'Donald of the Daily Herald in Chicago, there's some "internal strife going on among family members to get an influx of youthful ownership ... now." “We love Virginia, but she just hasn’t been performing to her full potential the past few decades, so we thought the time was right to give her a little motivation,” said Bears president Ted Phillips, who claimed that while the team is not planning on moving on from their longtime owner, it did not hurt to have a little insurance if her skills continue to decline. “It’s not meant as a sign of disrespect, but in the end, it’s all about results and how the team did last year. You can’t just coast by on your legacy. We also can’t deny that Virginia is getting up there and is a serious injury risk. Her career could be cut short by a broken hip any day now.” At press time, McCaskey was demanding to be traded to another franchise unless the team replaced underperforming vice president Patrick McCaskey. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Army comes to Camp Randall for the first time (since the Civil War) With Army’s daunting aerial attack that boasts even more TD passes this year than the vaunted Badgers QB Graham Mertz, Bucky better watch out! We have video of flat-footed defenders watching undefended Black Knights catching WA open TD passes. Really, we do. That being said, Bucky came through and beat the beatable last weekend and vanquished Mr. Buffet and the fighting Ill. Many running yards were gained even without the now dismissed Ron Dayne / Jonathan Taylor New Jersey heir apparent RB Jalen Berger (who shall now and forever go by “Jeff Spicoli” on this outlet), awesome dude! We wish Jalen (ahem Jeff) to land at some University and do well. Saturday’s intriguing matchup with Army features two of the nation’s top four teams in terms of time of possession. Army leads the nation at 39 minutes 46 seconds per game. The Black Knights have run 358 plays to 253 for their opponents, an average of 21 more plays per game. UW is No. 4 in time of possession at 35:46. The Badgers have run 374 plays to 279 for their opponents, an average of 19.0 more plays per game. With UW clinging to its number one ranking for pick-sixes given up, both teams may run the ball 9 out of every 10 plays. The 2021 Army team runs the same offense as their 1908 team, so we should know their plays by now. But this isn’t your grandpa’s triple option offense. Fresh twists have been added to their ground attack, including in-motion deceptions and sideline distractions. Kudos to the United States Military Academy at West Point for going woke decades ago, letting women cadets join the ranks. Here you see some of the Black Knights cheerleaders (nicknamed “Orangey’s Girls”), who were recently commissioned by the former Commander-In-Chief. Despite all that, we’re picking Bucky by 17 and to run the table from here on out. The OL has two weeks to straighten out their stuff before Iowa comes to town Halloween weekend. With that accomplished, the rest will fall into place. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game On to Chicago! Coach invites you to join him and the Lumber Jack Band on the train to Chicago. It would have been fantastic to join Johnny Blood McNally sneaking out of his hotel room for a full night of frolicking before the game and to see the hungover Lumber Jack Band parading around the Loop in Chicago … … rest easy kids, we may not be able to take the train with the Team, but some things have never changed and never will! The Chicago Staleys used the number 11 overall pick in the 2021 NFL Draft on Justin Field, a kid who played at the State University in Ohio. Who knows, he may be decent in a few years, but Coach is betting that Jim McMahon’s assertion will rule the day (the Bears are where QB’s go to die). In no surprise to anyone who follows football, the Staleys have the lowest average passing yds/game in the NFL. With no passing game, it’s no surprise that the Staleys have turned to the run game and are averaging a respectable 127 yards/gm, good enough for 9th in the League. The formula for the Bears, since the founding of the franchise, has been: good Defense (they have the #7 scoring D) bad Offense (they have the #30 scoring O) good Teams when ST Unit is exceptional (e.g., Devin Hester). Unbelievably, everyone in Chicago is hyped up and they are convinced they will win the game. In a 20-9 upset of the Raiders last week, the defense allowed 259 total yards, holding the Raiders 147.5 yards below their season average. Justin Field threw his first NFL passing touchdown and finished with 111 passing yards with 1 TD and 0 interceptions. RB David Montgomery was out with a knee injury, RB Khalil Herbert (75 rushing yards, 0 TD) and RB Damien Williams (64 yards, 1 TD) led Chicago's ground attack, which outrushed Las Vegas 143 to 71 yards. Keep in mind that the whole Chucky Gruden specter was hanging over the game, and one might argue that Da Raydas were not completely focused. Although they do have a Top 10 Scoring D, we have already played 3 good Defenses and the Bears will be no problem for us. For them to beat us, their Defense is going to have to score 10 or more points directly from turnovers. Secret Weapon Over the years in the rivalry the Packers have employed many weapons, some obvious, other less so. Obvious Weapons: Starr, Favre, Rodgers …. Secret Weapons: Same ole Jay, Turdbisquit, Current Bears HC Mitch Nagly… Coach has it on good authority the Bears Head Coach, Mitch Nagly will intentionally insert himself into game management and he will achieve a “Melissa McCarthy” Award. Coach, wait, what? Jimmy, it’s awarded to the Head Coach that makes the worst situational football decision of the week and costs his team a game they might have won. And now, a bit o’ history … we are going for win 102 over the Bears. This is the 203rd game of the rivalry and we are leading by a commanding score of 17.3 to 17.1! Even more important than Secret Weapon Mitch Nagly is our Erin Rodgers. He has mesmerized the Bears and terrified the entire City of Chicago. And no wonder they are afraid of Erin. We are 22-5 over his era and have won by an average score of 26-17. Getting a little more specific for this game, the Packers are 4.5-point favorites, which is a little bit more than the 2.8 pts/gm scoring differential advantage we have this year. The Over/Under is 45.5, which is more than the 40.8 the two teams have averaged on Offense this year. We will win a tight Division rivalry game by 3 points and be slightly under the 45.5. Packers 24 Bears 21 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them You’ve probably heard the name Elijah Pitts, but what do you really know about this 5-time world champion? Well, the stats say Smooth 22 was an excellent weapon out of the backfield and as a returner for Green Bay from 1961-69: • 480 rushes averaging only 3.5 yards per attempt, but scored 28 TD’s • 1,200 yards receiving, averaging a whopping 12.2 yards per catch • 5.3 yards per punt return, with 1 TD But as Coach McFleur is quick to point out, stats are for losers and we only care about wins! Well, on September 13, 1964, the Packers beat the Bears 23-12. Packers head coach Vince Lombardi shocked the entire football world by invoking an often overlooked, rarely if ever used rule to give the Packers a chance to put some additional points on the board. With just a few seconds left in the first half, and the Bears backed up near their own end zone on 4th down, they punted the ball back to the Packers. Elijah Pitts made a fair catch of the punt on the Bears 48-yard line, leaving only a tick or two remaining on the clock. Lombardi then alerted the officials that his team would be attempting a free kick into the goal post, meaning they would get to kick directly from the 48-yard line, and the Bears couldn't try to block the kick, as they had to remain 10 yards downfield before the snap. So, the Packers lined up, with quarterback Bart Starr set to hold as Paul Hornung would attempt a 52-yard "free kick" field goal. Hornung impressively made the kick, which sparked the Packers on to another victory over the suck-filled Bears.
Sadly, Elijah Pitts died in 2014 at the too-young age of 60 from intestinal cancer. But, nice job catching that ball, Elijah, and this week we posthumously salute you as a Packers great! Your son Ron was pretty good, too.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
Categories |