Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Jason Garrett will have to choose Sometimes the best coaches are former quarterbacks that, well, weren’t very good quarterbacks. These are the 2nd and 3rd stringers, or the journeyman QB’s, who normally stand next to the head coach the whole game while the better quarterback plays. So, unless the good guy is hurt, they get to experience the process of play selection on the sidelines as each game unfolds. Also, they still have to prepare alongside the starter each week, so they learn the intricacies of game planning for defenses and making appropriate adjustments. These experiences build valuable coaching acumen. Doug Pederson is a good example of an average QB turned Super Bowl winning coach. Jim Harbaugh (former Colts QB) went to the Super Bowl, but lost it (he was also a Bears QB). Tom Flores played QB for the Raiders and won 2 Super Bowls for them as head coach. There are plenty of other examples, too, of teams having sustained success in the playoffs that were coached by a former journeyman quarterback (e.g., Sam Wyche, Ted Marchibroda, June Jones, Gary Kubiak, John Rauch, and so forth, and so on). There is one blemish on that honorable list, however: Jason Garrett. As the 3rd stringer, he backed up Troy Aikman and Wade Wilson when the Cowboys won their last Super Bowl almost a quarter-century ago. He has been the Cowboys head coach for the last 9 seasons, in which time they gone a measly 2-3 in the playoffs. They have never even made an appearance in the NFC Championship game during his lengthy coaching tenure. It’s no surprise that Garrett’s boss, Jerry Jones, has refused to extend him in the final year of his contract. In all likelihood, Garret will be out as head coach of the Cowboys next year if he doesn’t win more playoff games at the end of this season than he has in all of his previous coaching years combined. So what might he do instead? The way I see it, Jason Garret has two options: either return to the Homeland set on Showtime as double-agent Nick Brody, or continue selling Progressive Insurance. He sure as hell won’t be coaching in Dallas next year… At least, in my humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme The good news out of the Iggles game? Well Coach correctly predicted the Packer’s 27 points and well the big win for the Eagles generated a rating of 12.6 on Fox for “Thursday Night Football.” (That means roughly 12.6% of households with televisions watched the game, which was an 18% jump from the same slot last season when the Vikings and Rams played.) What would any game involving the Eagles be without someone being taken away in handcuffs? Last Thursday it was Eagles QB Carson Wentz who got drunk and had to be hauled away in cuffs when he got into it with a Packers fan. Oh yeah, and we’re 3-1. Oh boy, hard to believe that 3-1 sorta feels like crap. Where do we start on this one? Well we absolutely got hosed by the Refs; supposedly there is an emphasis on player safety, but that was not at all evident when Darrius Shepherd took a nasty shot to the head on the first punt of the game. BTW, dumb-ass Eagles fan sitting behind me cheered “Yeah, kill him!” when Shepherd took that wicked hit. Coach deftly reminded him that any putz running unrestricted at full speed can hit a man that’s standing still and looking up in the air, but a takes a real football player to willingly absorb that hit AND hang onto the ball. A fellow Packers fan behind him subsequently added in a brief void of crowd noise, “Yeah, numb nuts.” That was sweet. Shockingly, no penalty was called at all. The very next play, the Packer’s first play from scrimmage, had another cheap shot. This time it was Jamaal Williams on the receiving end and he was knocked out of the game. Shockingly, Eagles #96, Derek Barnett, was not ejected from the game. Moving on to other egregious FU’s by the refs, how this is not pass interference is absolutely beyond Coach. Live at Lambeau it looked like PI, on the replay board it looked like PI and watching the video over and over after the game it looked like PI. Coach really does not understand. Coach has a question for y’all. Are you paranoid if they really are out to get you? I’m beginning to think that Coach’s brother may be right, maybe they really are deciding some of the NFL games ahead of time. …then I remind myself, they’re too stupid to pull that off. All of this contributed to the loss for sure, but that’s not why we lost. We lost because: Special Teams were not Special We lost the turn-over differential They ran the ball down our trotes We went nowhere with the run game In the 1st Qtr we looked great, again. A TD followed by a FG and we were up 10-0. After the FG we kicked off and … It is not a good day at Lambeau when Mason Crosby has to make tackles 60 yards downfield. Given the short field, Philly was able to punch in a TD. We added another FG and then….Crosby kicked the f’ng ball out of bounds on the ensuing kickoff!! The Eagles got the ball at their 40 and 11 plays later it was 14-13 Eagles. When the Packers got the ball again at their own 25, a holding penalty, a short pass and then a Rodger’s fumble gave the Eagles the ball at the Packers 17-yard line. Four plays later, another TD and it’s 21-13 Eagles. Game over… 21 points on poor kickoff team performance and a fumble. Hard to win that way. The Eagles became the first team to EVER beat Aaron Rodgers at Lambeau Field when he had a 10-point lead (58-0-1). Also, you have to give a little bit of credit to Eagles D-Coordinator, Gym Shortz. He had the Eagles fully committed to stopping the run. In this play the Eagles are in a standard 4-3 Defensive alignment, with a safety playing up in a 4th linebacker spot. Essentially, they are playing a high school style 4-4 defense. Bear Bryant would be proud, Alabama used to play this a lot back in the 60’s. Ironically this is the kind of defensive alignment that is supposed to enable the play-action pass, but we aren’t going after it. We had 77 yards rushing on the day. For the guys not named Rodgers, we had 31 yards on 15 carries. That’s right kids, AR was the leading rusher with 46 yards. It would be comical if it wasn’t so sad. In the 2nd half, we saw the new guy’s offense go out the window. All the passing that ensued would even make Mike McCarthy blush. When asked after the game what happened to the running game, Coach Petite Chat replied, “I really don’t know, I was running out of ideas, so I just said, ‘Aaron, what the heck, why don’t you just try to win the game?” The death of Petite Chat’s offense was sealed when we passed 5 times inside the 1-yard line in the 4th Qtr. What in the name of God’s-green-earth are we doing? Put in a guard at FB and let Vitale run it in. One yard and we have no confidence in our OL? This from a Coach that says he wants to run? On two of the five attempts Jimmy Graham refused to use two hands to catch the ball. WTF? It is clear that he and AR are not on the same page. Defense? What Defense? Through four games, the Packers are allowing 142.3 rushing yards per game. The last time Green Bay allowed that many yards per game for a full season came in 1983, when teams ran for an average of 165.1, and I had a Metallica back patch sewn to my jean jacket (other kids would ask me, “What is Metallica?”). The D line and linebackers were getting blown off the line all night. For the second week in a row we have to point at Lowry. In this clip Lowry has low awareness and gets blown out of the hole by the tackle blocking down. In the process he gives up a 30-yard run, the Eagles longest of the season. As good as the pass defense has been, the run defense has been completely inept. In a key insight, Coach Petite Chat said: “I know we better fix it otherwise teams are going to – that’s going to be their blueprint to beating us,” Packers coach Matt LaFleur said. “They’re going to try to run the football and grind it out.” Smart feller. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Cowboys Forced To Use Spray Bottle Again To Prevent Jones From Making Statements FRISCO, TX—Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was once again sprayed by team assistants during a recent press conference. As the aging executive fielded questions, aides were poised throughout the room, ready to spring into action. Luckily, they were prepared with their locked and loaded spray bottles when the inevitable happened. "No, Jerry! Bad Jerry!" the aide said as Jones began explaining how he intends to circumvent NFL salary cap rules in order to sign quarterback Dak Prescott to a blockbuster contract this year in the $130 million range, right on the heels of signing both linebacker Jaylon Smith ($64 million) and running back Ezekiel Ellliot ($90 million). The aide sprayed him in the face several times with the bottle of water. "What did we talk about? Heel, Jerry!" Jones whined a little but eventually backed off and sat back in his seat on the stage. "He's learning," the aide said. "You just have to know when to use positive reinforcement and when to resort to physical punishment." She said that the team’s PR department has purchased treats that are given to Jones when he's a good boy and refrains from inflicting damage to the Cowboys by making ill-advised statements divulging the organization’s unsavory practices. "Showing him a little love and care will result in drastically changed behavior if you keep at it," she said. "No, Jerry! Bad!" she then shouted as she saw Jones handing a $1,000 bill to a referee and was forced to spray him again. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Loud Flatulence Gives Away Suspect’s Hiding Spot, Illinois Police Say CHICAGO – Law enforcement was able to “sniff out” the location of a Bears fan wanted for a controlled substance over the weekend after the suspect passed gas so loudly that it gave up his hiding spot, officials said. The Lake County Sherriff’s department posted on Facebook to share how flatulence played a role in the arrest at a Chicago park. “If you’ve got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas so loud it gives up your hiding spot, you’re definitely having a shitty day #ItHappened,” the sheriff’s office said. The department posted a photo of officers struggling to breath behind the perpetrator as he was being detained. Officials have not released a name for the suspect or provided more information about the case. “We’ve gotta give props to Chicago PD for using their senses to sniff him out!” the sheriff’s department told WGN after the station reached out for more information about the case. The Chicago Police Department was “surprised” to see the incident “slip out, which stinks for the arrestee,” the City of Chicago posted Twitter. The city also gave props to officers for "airing out a wanted person's dirty laundry and fanning the flames." No one was injured in the arrest, the city said. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Undefeated #8 Badgers Take On Kent State After again stinking up the month of September and messing up the Big Ten’s conference RPI, NU seemed to figure out how to play good football just in time for the Wisconsin matchup. Let the whining begin for why this WIN felt like anything but that. Week 5 marked the return of Paulie-Mike McChrysthy. No going for it on fourth down, no making a statement to the players and to the opponents, no style points for the pollsters, no covering of the spread for the betters, no reason for the students to hang around after Jump Around. Paul Chryst went by the book and even outdid himself, punting from NU’s 37 yard line (for a touchback). The offense was unwatchable after the first drive. Come back Riverboat Paul, please. You showed your playbook vs. South Florida, Central Michigan and Michigan, but not vs. Northwestern? In fairness, a significant factor behind Chryst reverting to conservative play calling was dictated by Northwestern’s defense. Getting Jonathan Taylor his 100 yards was a close second. Why is it that Mike Hankwitz defenses seem to play Wisconsin so much tougher than other opponents? Perhaps it is angst over his firing after only two seasons as the Badgers defensive coordinator in favor of this guy: Though we foreshadowed last week the NU history of playing our run very well, they executed quite effectively a game plan that will be repeated until we prove we can beat it. NU’s defense didn’t just stay in their lanes, unlike Michigan. They bunched the defense between the hash marks, taking away Jonathan Taylor’s inside runs and forcing Jack Coan to beat their secondary with outside throws. Channeling his inner Curt Phillips, Coan missed too often on those throws. With pass interference being allowed both ways, one well-thrown sideline pass downfield to Cephus was disrupted by un-flagged mugging. Equally disturbing was an earlier deep pass that was underthrown to Cephus and picked off after he made no effort to come back and fight for the ball. It was not a banner day for Wisconsin’s offensive line or receivers. What happened to all those weapons we had as recently as a week ago? Michigan State put up 31 points on these guys. After Bucky scored their second defensive touchdown on Noah Burks’ 68 yard interception return and making the score 24-3, it appeared as though we had a good chance to beat the ridiculous 24-point spread. A dropped punt and fumbled onside kick changed all that and more importantly, cut into precious postgame drinking time. Starting with the pregame buzz-killing Wildgoose facemask on Northwestern’s early punt, this game was unfolding all the weirdness of the 2015 Jazz Peavy debacle. It has become quite apparent that much needs to be cleaned up on special teams. This is the second week in a row where we have fumbled an onside kick. Punt catcher Jack Dunn, who has recently began actually putting up some positive return yards, was positioned too deep and/or didn’t react quick enough to short punts and found himself running up and catching the ball just above his shoelaces. If you are going to punt so often inside the opponent’s 45 yard line, avoid at all costs the Josh Bidwell habit of kicking into the end zone for a touchback. Ron Zook might be a step up for this team as a special teams assistant coach. The Badgers defense is right where we need them to be. They got by just fine during the first half while both starting safeties served targeting suspensions. Starting NT Bryson Williams should return this week or next. DE Loudermilk had possibly the best game of his career, though it’s DE Henningson grabbing the headlines. The secondary continues to cover very well. In other news, 4th string Badgers quarterback Alex Hornibrook was 29 for 40, 316 yards and 3 TD’s, despite 8 sacks vs NC State. These numbers come a week after putting up 255 yards & 2 TD’s against another ACC opponent (Louisville) with a secondary where pass coverage is optional. FSU plays Clemson next. Perhaps bad Hornibrook resurfaces and we can again feel good about Jack Coan being our starter and Graham Mertz being the highest rated backup in the country. Around the Big Ten, very few meaningful matchups have taken place. Nebraska did not get overlooked this time by Ohio State and got run through the woodchipper. The Badgers next real opponent, Michigan State, outscored Indiana 40-31 a week after beating Northwestern 31-10, which came on the heels of a bizarre loss to Arizona State. The Arizona State loss doesn’t look as bad after they knocked off #15 Cal over the weekend. Minnesota continues to win barely and unimpressively vs. lesser competition. Iowa’s only meaningful game was a one-point win vs. Iowa State. BU will be watching their matchup with Michigan this Saturday very closely. Tin soldiers and Nixon’s gone. We’re finally on our own. Kent State actually boasts a rather impressive list of notable alumni: Lou Holtz, Nick Saban, Jack Lambert, James Harrison, Antonio Gates, Drew Carey, Michael Keaton, Arsenio Hall, Don King, Steve Harvey, Steve Stone, Chrissie Hynde and Joe Walsh. Their foosball team, however, ranks dead last out of 130 FBS team in rushing defense. They lost to Arizona State 30-7 and to Auburn 55-16, making their strength of schedule stronger than half of the Big Ten. Kent State beat Bowling Green by 42, and Notre Dame is only favored over BG by 45. Should we be worried Kent State beat Bowling Green by 42, and Notre Dame is only favored over BG by 45? Nah. Football is not a sport where you can extrapolate spreads to actual results from small data samples. We at BU give Kenneth State zero chance this weekend, largely because this year’s Badgers secondary is better than most we have seen over the last 10 years. They aren’t going to run on us. The spread is 37 points and we shouldn’t need the defense scoring two TD’s to cover it. Only Paul Chryst belly right playcalling and a bunch of dumb turnovers prevent us from covering. Badgers 41, Golden Flash 3. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game We play the Cowgirls this week! Yeah, we lost last weekend, but so did they! Heading into Sunday’s game we are tied for first in the league at plus-4 in turnover differential. We have an opportunistic defense, and Aaron Rodgers is mostly allergic to interceptions. Something that may not be so obvious to Coach’s loyal readers is that the Cowboys are terrified of Rodger’s! Among the few wise people in Texas, the good folks at Cowboys Coffee Talk rated the Top-10 “Cowboy Killers”, and guess who are numbers 2 & 1 on the list? #2 Aaron Rodgers QB Green Bay Packers In recent memory, the list of Dallas Cowboys killers begins and ends with Aaron Rodgers. He was always played well against Dallas having recorded a 101.7 passer rating against them in 7 career regular season games. In those games he owns a 4-3 record and has passed for over 1700 yards, tossed 11 TD passes compared to only 1 INT and has added 2 TD’s on the ground. In his 2 postseason victories against Dallas he has thrown 5 TD passes and averaged 340 passing yards! He has broken the hearts of Cowboy fans on more than one occasion now with his last-minute heroics and remains the Arch nemesis of present day Dallas Cowboy fans. Amen. #1 Bart Starr QB Green Bay Packers During the 60’s the Cowboys were the team that couldn’t win the big game. They were dubbed “next year’s champion” after failing to win a championship year after year and the biggest reason why was the great Green Bay team led by Coach Vince Lombardi and another Packers QB. Bart Starr and the Packers went 4-1 against Dallas in 5 regular season games. In those games Starr threw 7 TD passes compared to only 2 interceptions and ran for another TD. In back to back NFC (NFL) Championship games Bart Starr went for 495 passing yards and 6 TD’s without throwing a single interception leading Green Bay victories both times. He also ran in the game winning TD during the final seconds of the 1967 Championship game known as the “Ice Bowl”. Back to 2019… The two keys to this game are Jerry and Aaron. Jerry because he has always let his ego get in the way of decision making… ...and Aaron, cuz, well, he’s the Cowboy killer. The most recent time we played was Oct 8th, 2017 in Dallas. We came back from a 21-12 half-time deficit and AR completed a TD pass to Davante Adams with 11 seconds left to beat the Cowboys 35-31. During Thursday’s loss to the Eagles, Rodgers looked like his old self for the first time since the Packers’ run to the 2016 NFC title game (via Dallas, TX). He was brilliant escaping pressure, proving his legs can still be a weapon. His 422 passing yards marked the eighth time in his career he eclipsed 400 yards; despite the Packers’ inability to run the ball, Rodgers carried the offense up and down the field all night. Rodgers, who turns 36 in December, is 13-13-1 in his last 27 starts. In many of those outings, he hasn’t performed nearly as well as he did on his way to MVP honors in 2011 and 2014. But Thursday was a throwback night and it should give the Packers’ offense tremendous optimism over the next 12 games. “When you have one of the greatest quarterbacks ever, you trust him to continually gain yards and get down the field,” Packers coach Matt LaFleur said. “We were able to accomplish a lot of what we wanted to do.” The Dallas offense finally looked mortal in the Saints’ loss. Ezekiel Elliott rushed for just 35 yards, the third third-lowest output of his career. The Cowboys’ vaunted offensive line looked overmatched for the first time. Dak Prescott threw for a season-low 223 yards on 22 of 33 passing with an interception. Coach Poutine is gonna figure out the run game and shut down the Cowgirls! And, now that Rodgers is free to go back to whatever offense he wants to run, Coach supposes that AR will throw 60 passes and we will run 15 times. Forget that the Cowboys are favored by 4 ½ points, go bet the kids' college fund on the Green and Gold. Pack 34 Cowgirls 31 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them If you go to Lambeau to watch a game you’ll no doubt see video ads of Aaron Rodgers pimping Bergstrom automobiles on the JumboTron, but he curiously seems to be making another overt statement with his mustachioed appearance. Coach took an unscientific survey in the stands asking, “Who do you think Aaron is trying to look like?” To no one’s surprise, I received a plethora of responses. Rather than generate a bunch more charts of detailed data, I’ll just generalize my findings for you below:
In case YOU didn’t know, Jim Del Gaizo was the last Packers quarterback with an audacious mustache to wear #12! In 1973, the Packers, with Head Coach & GM Dan Devine, were trying to rebound from a couple of lackluster post-Lombardi era seasons, so they reached out to the Dolphins for a quarterback from their undefeated 1972 roster. Bob Griese wasn’t available for trade, nor Earl Morrall, so the Packers gave up two 2nd round picks to get Miami’s taxi squad / 3rd stringer, Jim Del Gaizo. In case you’re wondering, the Dolphins used those picks to get a couple of guys that you probably DID hear of: Tight End Andre Tillman and Wide Receiver Freddie Solomon. ..and what of Del Gaizo? Well, after starting two games for the Packers that season, he was traded to the New York Giants for a high 1976 draft choice, which Dan Devine quickly relinquished to Kansas City in a trade for QB Dean Carlson who played in one game as a Chief in 1973 and never took a snap for the Pack. Not surprisingly, photos of Dean Carlson show no evidence of meaningful facial hair. Like, Del Gazio, Zeke and Lynn wore #12, but neither could grow any semblance of a respectable mustache. In fact, anonymous sources have implied that Dickey wore an extra-large facemask on the front of his helmet just to hide the “lack of manhood” beneath his nose. So Jim Del Gaizo, we join Aaron Rodgers in tribute to you. If for no other reason, chicks dig a guy with a thick, bushy mustache riding his upper lip.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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