Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: …Grand Slam Cities are a real thing. Remember this? In 2011, the Packers were undefeated for 13 straight games coming off of a Super Bowl victory, the Brewers made it to the NLCS, the Badgers won the Big Ten Championship in football and played in the Rose Bowl while their basketball team advanced to Sweet 16. Yeah, the Bucks were still sucking hind tit in terms of Wisconsin sports dominance back then, but since have followed suit and are now considered perennial contenders in the NBA. Most Wisconsin teams sucked for a long time, then all of a sudden they all got good together. Like airplane crashes, championship caliber teams seem to come to cities in 3’s (in our case the teams of Wisconsin at-large are like that of a single community, especially considering this week’s Packers opponent has a metropolitan population that is over 1 million more people than the whole state of Wisconsin combined). In 2007-08, the Boston Red Sox and Celtics both were champions in their respective Leagues, the Patriots lost in the Super Bowl in their otherwise undefeated season that year, and even the Boston Bruins of the NHL made the playoffs that season. When multiple major sports Leagues’ champions hail from the same community in a period of 1 year, I call that a Grand Slam City. Fun fact: No U.S. (or Canadian) city has ever won all four major sports championships in the same year. However, before the NBA was formed in 1946, one city DID win all three major sports (MLB, NFL, NHL) championships in the same year. That city was Detroit, and the year was 1935. That is not intended to be a joke, but understandably you might find it funny (as I do) at the expense of Detroit Lions fans. There are similar examples from other cities as well (Oakland, New York, Pittsburgh, Los Angeles, etc.). So that brings us to Tampa Bay. The Lightning just won The Stanley Cup. Now the Rays are in The World Series and, even if the heavily favored Bucs don’t play in the Super Bowl at the end of this season, the game will still be in their home stadium! Another fun fact: No team has ever played in the Super Bowl in their home stadium. ...which made winning SB45 in Dallas that much sweeter. I’m not sure why it often happens this way (Grand Slam cities), but it happens way more often than the law of averages equates to. Here are 3 possible hypotheses:
ADVERTISEMENT Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme So WTF happened Coach? A 38-10 final score after leading 10-0 at the end of the 1st Quarter? Jimmy, maybe you’ll understand the game if you study this analysis put together by the crack-anal-ists at The Coach Clarahanson Show !!! There’s no other way to describe it other than there was a complete and total meltdown, even worse than 3-Mile-Island (if that makes no sense to you, then you are obviously too young, so look-up SNL “Pepsi Syndrome” on YouseTubes). Oh, and try not to do too deep of a rabbit hole dig if you come across a related story link for "Love Canal" because it's not what you think / hope. Coach was so overcome that he had to go outside and blow off some steam after the game. It’s not often that we are so totally dismantled during a game. Even during the “lost-decade” of the ‘80’s we rarely had so thorough of an ass-kicking. One angle Coach looked at was the “its’ not so much the heat, it’s the humidity” story. It was 88 Deg F and humid, 40 deg hotter than Green Bay. Maybe it was a factor, much like when the OL was puking from a big night out before the Bolts game last year in LA at Lambeau West. But that doesn’t explain the ass-kicking, twice, from the Niners last year at Corduroy Stadium. After some reflection, Coach suggests that you can think about this game and this team something like this: Packers vs. Buccaneers Ballet vs. Boxing LaFleur vs. Lombardi French Cuisine vs. Italian Cuisine Unnecessary complexity to hide poor ingredients vs. Fresh, high-quality ingredients and simple preparation We have an extremely complex “wide-zone-run-motion-offense.” Against the untalented and undisciplined, average-to-below-average NFL Defense, this level of sophistication and complexity renders the illusion of superiority. Much like Italian Cuisine, the Buccaneers brought superior, fresh, ingredients and prepared them in a simple, straightforward way. Pretty much what Lombardi preached. Petite Fleur may have an outstanding 18-5 record as a rookie HC, but for the love-of-Lombardi, 4 of the 5 losses have been total blowouts at the hands of very simple, smashmouth Defensive Teams. We continue to try the same things on Offense and Defense. When they work, they’re great … but when they don’t, we keep using them and we get blown out. Another point that really bugs Coach, Petite Fleur rarely calls out Special Teams or Defense. We sucked on D in this game and Petite Fleur has said zippo about this…just “on to Cincinnati.” It’s as if he only Coaches the Offense. Is the HC of the whole team? Part of the genius of the Hoodie over there at the Boston Football Team is that there is no one “system.” The formations and concepts are adapted and changed for each game to match the opponent and the situation at hand. So onto a few X&O’s. Many people felt like we owned the 1st Qtr, and indeed we were up 10-0 at the end of the first. But let’s just look at the first three plays of the game and see if that rings true: 1st Down Aaron Jones takes the pitch and tries to run around left end. The play gets blown up because right guard Luca Patrick (62) is slow getting up-field and misses his assignment to block MLB Devin White (45). The “however” here is that even if Patrick makes the block, OLB Lavante David (54) was there to clean up anyway and maybe Jones gets 1-yd instead of zero. 2nd Down Holy crap, this should have been a a Pick-6. Carlton Davis the splits the block of Davante Adams and Bobby Tonyan and breaks up the pass attempt to Jones. If he would have cut inside, he would have easily strolled to the end zone. 3rd Down The Buc’s bring Devin White on the blitz, Aaron Jones fakes a block and leave’s White hanging. A nice 20-yard pick-up on what Rodgers later admitted was an “off-schedule” play … that’s the politically correct NFL speak for “street football”, “you go down to the Oldsmobile and cut-in Bobby”. Almost all of the big plays in the 1st Qtr were “off schedule”. Much like the McCarthy Offense, almost all of our 1st Qtr yardage came on Rodgers dropping back, patting the ball (“pat, pat, pat”) then running around and trying to find somebody. That worked for 7 of 11 passing, 95 yards and a TD, but it was not sustainable. Buc’s shutdown the outside run Our finesse runner, Aaron Jones had 4 carries for (-1 yd) in the 1st Quarter; he was (-2yds) on 3 carries to the outside and his only positive play was for 1-yd on his TD up the middle. AJ Dillion and Williams had 39 yards on 4 carries, all to the inside. The 1st Drive Coulda Been a TD During the 1st drive of the game, on 1st & 10 on the TB 23, Rodgers attempted a throw to Extra Special Bitter. I guess he didn’t get the memo that Rodgers will throw to him occasionally. This is the kind of BS that drives Coach crazy. Sophisticated Offense? Apparently too complicated for some. We had zero penalties and no turnovers in the first quarter, but 30% of the plays went nowhere (incomplete or zero yards rushing). This pattern of poor execution Offense continued for the rest of the game, but we added in penalties and turnovers and as a result scored no more points the rest of the way. Remember that “almost Pick-6” on the 2nd play of the game? Buc’s CB Jamel Dean said that from film-study he knew that Adams was running an out-route when he came in motion across the formation. Ouch … we’re predictable. So the Offense had a completely shitty day. The Defense will pick up the slack, right? Well in the 1st Qtr they forced a 3-&-Out on the 1st drive and 30 yards-and-a-punt on the 2nd, so it looked like they might. In the end they just couldn’t help the team and it was “S-O-S” time (Same ole poop). Here’s a nice view of Raven Greene missing a TFL opportunity, see also “New Orleans – Gm 3 2020” above. Last, but certainly not least, Zilarious Smith will not get out of Coach’s Doghouse until he can play a game without dumbass, lazy mistakes. The play below highlights what every opponent of the Packers knows: run directly at Z Smith, he will open a big hole for you. The play above is immediately after the 2nd AR interception. Z Smith is actually in the correct position initially, he’s on the outside shoulder of the OT, holding the edge and plugging up the running lane. It looks good, but then he jumps to the inside…apparently to “beat” the tackle and get a sack of the QB? Maybe he didn’t know it was a run play? This is total and complete laziness…there’s not a HS Coach in the U S of A that would accept this, Zilarious would be running laps after practice for shit like that. This happens every week so at some point I guess you have to ask what he is being taught to do by the coaching staff... Rodgers “Figured Out”? Both Petite Fleur and Rodgers got very touchy this week when they were asked if the Packers have been “figured out” by the NFL. Colin Cowherd and Rob Reischel both made the point this week that Rodgers is fantastic in Regular Season games but has not carried the team in the Playoffs since 2010. It’s up to A.A. Ron to prove them wrong. When Packers GM Brian Gutekunst was asked about Rodgers 35.4 Passing Rating vs. Tom Brady’s 104.9, Gooty said: “Hah, are you kidding? Now you know why I drafted Love.” Is everything lost for the Season Coach? Well, let’s not overreact Jimmy, but Coach recommends not spending any cash on SB Tickets until the recurring mistakes start getting corrected. And… there were a couple of rays of hope: The middle of the DL (Kenny Clark, Montravious Adams, Kingsley Keke, Dean Lowry and Tyler Lancaster) collectively had their best game of the year and really shutdown the Buc’s running game up the middle. We can run up the middle. Since the day Lombardi ascended Mt. Sinai and was given the Football Commandments, nothing has changed: 4th Commandment of Football – When thou hast Doubt, Trust in the Lord and go North or South. Trust not the Siren call of Lucifer and the Glow of the Rising or Setting Sun; Fore there be Kein Points at the Edges of yon Pasture. Jamaal Williams and AJ Dillion combined for 65-yds on 9 carries, all but one of those carries were up the middle. AJ Dillion is for real On 3rd & 1 at the GB 21 at 10:53 in the 4th, AJ Dillion busted a 20-yd run. Remember from the Chippewa on down that the Home Schedule is back loaded, and he will be a load when Lambeau gets sloppy and the gales of November come early. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Gronkowski Hits Electrotherapy Machine On Sidelines To Help Keep Brain Loose St. Petersburg, FL—Strapping his head in after struggling with tightness and dissociation on the last drive, Tampa Bay Buccaneers tight end Rob Gronkowski hit the electrotherapy machine during Thursday night’s game to help keep his brain loose while he was on the sidelines. “It’s not too bad when I’m focused on the field, but the second I sit down, I can feel my temporal lobe knot up,” said Gronkowski, who noted that his tunneling vision cleared up as the 10-amp electrical current coursed through his cerebellum. “It can be tough on long drives because after five minutes I start to forget the entire playbook, so it’s good to get the neurons firing again. It doesn’t fix all the mood swings or anything, it just keeps me warm and remembering what city I’m in. But with all this talking and looking at things, I still know I’m gonna be laid up icing my brain for days.” At press time, a blocking Gronkowksi had leveled two defenders after mistaking them for a 10-foot demon and Patriots coach Bill Belichick. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Mitch Trubisky Studying Game Tapes In Hopes Of Discovering What Bears Saw In Him In First Place CHICAGO—Scouring plays for any hint at something that could provide insight, Chicago quarterback Mitch Trubisky reportedly spent Thursday studying game tape in hopes of discovering what the Bears saw in him in the first place. “I look at my throwing mechanics and think they must be nuts, but there must have been something that made people think I was good,” said Trubisky while rewinding another of his old starts for UNC in the hopes of catching some of the boundless potential and talent he always felt he had in at least one of the plays. “My accuracy was more solid, but I wasn’t under the same kind of pressure back then. Okay, wow, I really fired that one in—wait no, it got intercepted. Maybe it was my love of the game? I looked a lot happier playing back then, that’s for sure.” At press time, Trubisky was viewing a video tape of his first start in an Ohio grammar school YMCA Flag Football league. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Big Ten Football is Finally Back! Whoa, whoa! ...got a little excited there! One week at a time: Wisconsin vs. Illinois Beer bongs at the Big Ten Pub laced with tequila. Whoa yeah it feels good to have Badger something to cheer for. After the on-paper Wisconsin NCAA BB Final Four win the Football team has a tough act to follow.
We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game This one is simple…. …the Texans are motivated to win because they have:
…but, no matter how you slice it:
Rodgers popped it a little too early in the Tampa Creamsicle game last week, Coach predicts he’ll put that back in the gun and save it for this week. But most important of all … Coach will be there on the side-line to help Petite Fleur and Rodgers focus on keeping it simple. Packers 34 Texans 24 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them This week Coach winds the way-back machine to the post-war optimism of 1950 to celebrate Clarence Valentine McGeary, Jr, a former North Dakota Bison from St. Paul. Number 44, “Can” (as he was called by his friends) McGeary was 6’-5” 250-pounds and drafted by the Packers to play defensive line. …sort of like putting a Lurch-faced Kyler Fackrell at nose tackle. What appears obvious in this, the only known photo of Can McGeary in a Packers uniform, is that he was probably too lanky to be lower than his opponent at the line of scrimmage, which is critical for success as a defensive nose tackle. To get around this obstacle, Can would often try to intimidate the Center on the opposing team early on in games. If, as often is the case, a Center would look down or underneath his legs as he grasped the ball in his hands, McGeary would forcibly knock the Center over, sending him tumbling backwards and inducing some degree of pain.
Well, it wasn’t long after the first few games that opposing Centers caught on to McGeary’s schtick, and Packers new head coach Gene Ronzani was not fond of repeatedly giving other team’s offenses an extra down with 5-yards to boot every time Can would plunge offsides to knock over their Center. Thus, McGeary’s stint made him 1-and-done Packer. Yet, even though he only played 12 games in the NFL, the term “Can the Center” lingers in the dirty-pool handbook of prep school football programs across the country to this day. I still recall us telling our Junior High School nose tackle, Don, “Can the Center!” to watch him knock that guy on his ass. It never really had a lingering effect on the game (although we did go undefeated, just sayin), but it sure was fun to do! So, Clarence McGeary, because if you ain’t cheatin you ain’t tryin, we salute you!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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