Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Lambeau gameday experience actually getting worse That's right ... I SAID IT! Coach was at a home game recently, and I met a 9-year-old Packer fan from Chicago (love it) who happened to be in the seat next to me … his 1st ever NFL game. When the fireworks went off during the National Anthem, his eyes got big and his jaw dropped with excitement. I told him about all the other cool stuff to come during the game, and he particularly couldn’t wait for the Jump Around in the 4th quarter. …But it never came. In fact, besides the Packers victory and the fat guy puking in the bleachers in front of me, that young boy otherwise felt his gameday experience at Lambeau was “Okay, I guess.” That's a damn shame. If you’re a season ticket holder like Coach, you’ve been peppered by survey requests, censuses, and discussion group invites that were advertised as opportunities to share your thoughts on the gameday experience at Lambeau (but suspiciously appear more like a box to check by staff seating coordinators so that Murphy can claim he asked the fans for input). Hello? Duh! Murphy need look no further than the archives of The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! for insights to make the gameday experience all that it should be. …and we all know he follows The Show!!!, don’t we…. So, to the Packers' Coastie Executive Officer, let me dumb it down for you. The gameday experience is becoming less “worth it” because it is changing from a celebration of all-things-Wisconsin to a corporate glitz show put on by marketing Yes-men who don’t know squat about Packers fans. In the 1970’s the Packers flat out stunk, yet every game was sold out and every seat was filled -- and rarely by a fan from the opposing team. Today we are one of the premier teams in the league, yet plenty of tickets are available for opposing-team fans, and often seats go unfilled at the stadium. You are focusing on the wrong stuff, and charging a king’s ransom for it. That, my friend, is not a formula for sustainable revenue, and it is endangering the long-term viability of the organization. Sledding hills aside, here’s a simple breakdown of what’s right and wrong with the gameday experience (you're welcome):
Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme We won, we’re in first place in the NFC Norris Division, we’re the No. 2 Seed in the NFC Conference and we make no apologies. The Lions, their Fans and the Rusty City are all moaning about the Packers winning 23-22 on a walk-off FG with 2 seconds left on the clock. They are moaning so loudly that they have gone so far as to put up a billboard in Detroit decrying the outcome. Now Coach is going to let you in on a little secret, we’ve always been getting jobbed by the refs. You don’t have to look any further than the Kitty Kats supposed TD on their first drive. Get over it you Motor-City-Morons. That’s right, just like in Seattle with The-Replacements, one ref calls “stopped”, one ref calls TD. Coach isn’t going to go any further on this line of thinking, other than to point out the he cropped out the “You’re No. 1” signal in the photo above (this is a family show after all, not that da wife agrees on that at all). If you look at the game stats and use “NFL rules-of-thumb”, the Lions should have won easily. They:
The reason Detroit lost? Very Simple. #We’reStillDetroit. At the time Coach went to press there was a debate among the staff if the Kitty Kats just hacked up a fur ball… …or if was just the Packers who choked them out at the end? Who knows, who cares; in any case they really looked sick and the Packers took control at the end. This was a tough one and Coach is a bit concerned that the Lion’s Coach, Patty Patricia, will be a challenge for us as long as he is there. He has implemented the kick-off-strategy that Hoody developed last year (more on that below) and at the end of the game he had the presence of mind to call for the Defense to let us score, so that Detroit could get the ball back with sufficient time for their offense. Hold-on, not so fast, in a moment that would have never occurred under Melissa McCarthy, Petite Fleur actually warned our guys not to score!! In the huddle Rodgers and the Vets emphasized that message with Jamal … and? Hallelujah!! Jamal ran through the gap in the line and sat down just short of the goal line. Add to that for the 2nd consecutive game, AR seems to be playing within “the system” and is going through his check-downs and we may be on to something here Gladice. We are now playing situational football. Coach got a whiff of this so-called “game management” late in the 2nd quarter when LaFleur chose to run the ball on 3rd and long instead of passing on 3rd and 21. While our less intelligent fans booed the lack of aggression, Coach cheered with delight knowing we could put 3 points on the board, kill the clock so the Lions would not get more than 1 play before halftime, AND we got the ball back to start the 3rd quarter. Coach is convinced, without a doubt, that McCarthy would have lost that game. Detroit had 38 offensive plays during the game and the “good news’ is that on 33 of those plays the Lions only gained 111 yards. The “but”?... On the other 5 they gained 188 yards. (OK, this is clearly not acceptable.) A positive example that Coach will point to is that the Felines had 7 plays inside the 16 on Detroit’s 2nd drive. This ended in their only TD, but the D did well to choke out the Kitties the rest of the game. After six weeks that leaves us as the No. 2 Seed in the NFC. Importantly, we are a “Top 10” in scoring differential. Coach will break down more stats in the weeks to come, but let me point out that we have had the third toughest schedule so far (the Rams opponents have a 70% winning percentage vs. NOLA at 60% and the Pack at 58%). For the remaining schedule, SF is going to take a big jump in Strength-of-Schedule, so the odds are good that this race will only get tighter! Oh, this is way too early to even think about it…but is it possible that we could have home field for the playoffs?? Coach gets woozy at the mere thought. Now, back to the grey cloud that surrounds every silver lining... We almost turned a blowout into a loss because of just a handful of stupid plays. On the first offensive play of the game, Patty Patricia really showed off his game planning skills. Knowing that Redmond (#35) would be in for Safety Savage, and that Kevin King is a little bit injured (as he has been for every game since he was in HS), Patty called for a flea flicker. As you can see in the GIF, Redmond bites on the play-action and King is left to watch Kenny Golladay go by. Just for grins-and-giggles reference point, Kenny Golladay’s 40 yard dash time at the 2017 NFL Combine was 4.5 seconds, which is slower than Kevin “Shoulders & Hammies” King 4.4 seconds time. Does it look like that now? Arms just a flapping away…Kev doesn’t appear to be as masculine as most NFL players…not that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m sure “Shoulders” is a nice guy. That first drive led to a Day-twah FG (check the pronunciation guide in your HS French dictionary). On the first play of the next drive Patty dialed up another special play just for Kev…this time to Karryon Johnson (“carry-on”? Must be a hoot at the Delta check-in desk). I guess they must have painted the stripes really thick last Monday night, cuz Kev just can’t get over them. For those of you keeping score at home, those two plays accounted for 124 yards, or 42% of Detroit’s Offensive output, FOR THE WHOLE FREAKING GAME! In a bit of a parenthetical aside, WTF is going on with Lowry?? This is 4 games out of 6 played where he goes high for the tackle, down on the goal line no less. At least this time they didn’t score for two more plays. Not to be outdone, Rookie-Undrafted-Free-Agent, Darrius Shepherd decided to get in on the act. I’m sure you all know Darrius? Right? Star of the North Dakota State Bisons! He was the smallest guy on that team, too. Six games into his rookie season, his stats are one catch for one yard, a fumble and a tipped-ball-INT. Wow. To be fair, he looked really good in training camp and the Packers had enough confidence in him to trade sure-handed speedster WR and special teams ace, Trevor Davis, to the Raiders after Game 2 this year. But that’s no excuse, if you are out there you have to perform. So let’s dive-in a bit more on Darrius’ big game. On 4th & 18 on their own 18 at 10:48 in the 3rd, with the Pack & Lions tied 13-13, the Kitties punted and Darrius attempted to catch the ball at the Packers 34… …yikes. He starts out slow, then overcompensates and runs too far, then tries to catch the ball over his head without calling for a fair catch. Yikes again. This is October, so Coach assumes some hicks from Mishicot were shining deer when their truck’s KC lights blinded Shep. At that point I was hoping it was just a one-time rookie nerves kinda thing. Ok, now the game is really on the line. 3rd & 7 with the ball on the Detroit 12-yard line, with 13:22 left in the game and the Pack down 19-13. We’re on the move and down to the 13, we’re gonna score! Right?? Well not quite. To be fair, the ball is a little bit behind Darrius and he has to slow up (and he slips, something the Packers did all night, but the Lions didn’t, are we sure our equipment guys are not hung-over?), so it’s a little bit of a mitigating circumstance…. ….ya know, Coach is pretty sure that right away in Training Camp they advise that you keep your eyes open so that the ball doesn’t bounce off of your face mask. WTF. No wonder he has one catch for one yard. Last but not least, kickoff returns. In this case Shepard doesn’t really make a mistake, it’s more of a “props to Patty Patricia” situation. Live at Lambeau, Shep looked like the slowest guy on the field. Notice that the ball is kicked short of the goal line, forcing Shepard to field the ball and run it out. All night Detroit did this and kept us short of the 25. Far from being an anomaly, Detroit has been kicking short of the goal line all year. They actually use their punter, Sam Martin, for kickoffs. He lays the ball sort of flat on the KO tee and he kicks it high and short, forcing teams to return it. As you can see in the chart above, 70% of their kickoffs are returned, for an average return of 20 yards (creating an average starting position 22- or 23-yard line). Insert mild chuckle here… what is it with the Packers ST Coaches for the last 20 years?? The Lions ST Coach is John Bonamego, who was a very pedestrian ST Coach for the Packers from 2003-05. Bring back Nolan Cromwell! The Packers, conversely, use the conventional NFL wisdom of trying force the touchback and starting point of the 25-yard line by kicking the ball into the EZ. About a quarter of the time they do return it on us, and we rank in the bottom quartile of the NFL at 33 yards per return. “So what?” you say. Well in the Detroit game that difference in strategy amounted to almost 140 yards in positive field position difference for Detroit. Shawn Mennenga, it’s on you man, we have to get this s&^t fixed if we truly want to be a playoff team. OK, let’s circle back to the important point. We are 5-1 and in control of our own destiny…if we looked at everything that we need to improve, this Show!!! would go on for another 20 pages…. …. Go Pack Go … WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up NFL Defends Right To Subject Patrick Chung To Random Stop-And-Frisk SUDBURY, MA—Categorically denying allegations that the tactic was unconstitutional and unfairly targeted players who have been previously arrested for dangerous crimes, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell released a statement Sunday defending the NFL’s right to subject Patriots safety Patrick Chung to random stop-and-frisk searches after he was indicted for felony cocaine possession. “We’re simply trying to keep the game clean and provide a safe environment that benefits all our players. In this case, we received an anonymous tip about a suspicious-looking individual with a mask obscuring his face acting aggressively towards our players and decided to inform the proper authorities,” said Goodell at a press conference in which he advised Chung against loitering at the line of scrimmage or other sensitive areas to avoid similar incidents moving forward. “He was described holding an unidentified object in his hands, a description which prompted officials to detain Mr. Chung and perform a thorough strip-search. We were all relieved to discover it was just a football, this time, but no single player is above the code of conduct.” Chung and ten of his teammates are currently being held for questioning on suspicion of gang-related activity after eyewitnesses observed them wearing clothes bearing the same colors and threatening logo, and bringing others violently to the ground for no apparent reason other than wearing rival colors. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Chicago Ethos Just Horrible BOULDER JUNCTION, WI—During the Bears bye week, an entitled 20-year-old piece of shit, Kyle Connor, of the well-to-do Orland Park suburb of Chicago, whose daddy owns a cabin in Vilas County, allegedly burned down the historic treasure known as Gooch’s A-One Bar & Grill in Boulder Junction. Unreliable sources have confirmed that the dipshit minor was rightfully denied service at Gooch’s, then got drunk somewhere else, and returned to Gooch’s after bartime to do donuts in the parking lot. The asshole lost control of his grandmother’s 2002 Chevy Tahoe and crashed it into a power pole adjacent to the bar, setting everything ablaze. Despite a response from 20 area fire departments, including some from Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, the building could not be saved. Upstanding Midwestern musky fishermen (and women), hunters, Harley riders and snowmobilers alike are joining the owner Kevin “Gooch” Gutjahr in mourning the loss. On the surface, Gooch’s appeared to be your typical northern Wisconsin tavern, but inside it was more like a museum that just happened to serve beer and food. Originally built in 1926 by a local bricklayer as a saloon for lumberjacks and railroad men, it was purchased by Racine native and WWI veteran Joe “Shrimp” Wilfer and later expanded into a dancehall and then a wildlife museum after WWII where patrons could pay 25-cents to get close-up views of stuffed bear, timberwolves, deer, porcupine, raccoon and other Northwoods creatures. Gooch’s recent collection of over 300 wildlife mounts, some of them behind glass cases, included an 8’ polar bear, wolves, deer, moose, duck, bear, elk and several species of fish. The collection made the bar stand apart from other establishments and will be impossible to replace. Not that any FIB would care, but in that collection was the 168-pound sturgeon that Gutjahr speared on ’Bago 15 years ago, the full-body mounts of four black bear that ranged in size up to 500 pounds, and a 10-point albino deer hit by a car near the bar a few years ago. Half of the mounts in the bar were his, including the very first buck he shot when he was 16. (For things FIBs do care about, Gutjahr confirmed for this writing that his personal pronouns are, indeed, "he," "him" and "his.") Connor was charged with underage drinking, reckless driving endangering safety, refusing to complete a sobriety test, and operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated. His father quickly posted cash bail. Connor is a punk that took more than he could ever comprehend from Gutjahr – from AMERICA, and FIBs of his ilk make Chicago the disgraceful shithole that it is. Amen. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bucky’s 4th Shutout Best Defensive Start Since 1930 We at Badger Underground are the first to admit we whiffed big time on our score prediction. We happily point out that we predicted a 24-10 grinder with #6 Bucky just meeting the point spread. We were pleasantly surprised with the 38-0 outcome. We are not complaining. Yes, Jonathan Taylor did not get his 100 yards rushing and our O-line appeared to get shoved around a bit by one of the top 4 defensive front 7’s in the country. MSU was crashing from outside to inside all day and trying to funnel everything inside to stop JT. It essentially worked to limit JT who only had 2 TD’s. As if they were defending against Joel Stave or Alex Hornibrook, Sparty dared Coan to beat them passing on a windy day, and that is what he did! The offense put together an uncharacteristically effective passing attack (Coan 18-21 passing, 180 yards, 95 QBR). Recognizing that the out passes were going to be there all day, Coan needed to progress no further than his first read, getting the ball out immediately to DD3, swinging it to Taylor, or throwing it down the sideline to Jake Ferguson. The Cephus circus catch TD was special. It was cool to see some passing on first down. Kudos to Chryst/Rudolph for their offensive game-planning for this game. Despite Taylor failing to break the 100-yard mark, Bucky did rack up 222 rushing yards with 66 coming on a Pryor jet sweep TD. Defensively, everything right about this year’s unit was on display at all three levels. Zach Baun is as fierce a disrupter as we have had in some time at OLB, including TJ Watt, Biegel, & Schobert. Despite losing Connelly, Edwards, & Van Ginkle, our linebackers are actually playing better this year. Here is where the Badgers defense ranks nationally through six games:
Completing the sweep of Michigan NCAA football teams also bagged the State of Wisconsin annexation rights to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and its endless miles of waterfront property: The marketers at PepsiCo were quick to jump on the news, immediately gerrymandering their Mountain Dew campaign. These days trying to work up a frothy hatred for Illinois does not come easy. Meh. Just don’t F this one up Bucky! Take care of business. Keep the 9 game win streak intact. This is a classic trap game with the trip to the Whore Shoe next weekend. Should Illinois and their 1,500 fans in attendance for homecoming manage to push the Badgers for an upset (note: the point spread is 30), look for the Lovie factor to kick in during the second half. Lovie joins Bruce Weber as another one-time very good coach who forgot how to coach, despite steadily recruiting talent that Badgers fans could only dream about. Lovie has managed to hang onto his job, despite his 11-31 record (4-23 in conference, worse than Ron Zook’s 18-23), by maintaining an impressive pipeline of incoming recruiting talent. He ain’t no Mike White. This year’s Illini team has the talent to upset someone. They threw a scare into Nebraska and Michigan before reverting to ingrained tendencies. While QB play is average at best, the Illini have a decent running back and two good receivers. Starting QB Brandon Peters returns from a concussion. Badgers fans may recall him starting at Camp Randall two years ago for Michigan (9 of 18 for 157 yards). His numbers are not that bad, but most production likely has come after digging out from 21-0 deficits. They have a DL who is on the NFL watch list. While they could have put up some points against last year’s Badgers defense, we don’t see that happening Saturday unless a rash of injuries or huge letdown takes place. This year’s Badgers defense has only taken its foot off the gas late in games vs. Michigan and late vs. Northwestern after leading 35-0 and 24-3, respectively. Despite Lovie’s former defensive acumen, this year’s and last year’s Illini units were last or near last in the conference by most defensive measures—including giving up 320 yards rushing per game. They have; however, forced 14 turnovers. Perhaps Lovie should consider, like everyone else we’ll face from here on out, packing the middle of the field and making Coan and the receivers beat them. There are two areas where Illinois is at the head of the Big Ten class—they instituted in-game beer sales and they possess possibly the best kicking tandem in the conference. We say the Fighting ILL are at least as good as Central Michigan. We will go with the point spread and predict a 40-10 result. Sorry no shut out. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The Packers and Da Rrrrraydas don’t play very often, but when they do, we win! We are 8-5-0 all time against the Raiders and we have won the last seven in a row against them (they dominated the 70’s & 80’s in the series, we have dominated from the 90’s thru present). There is no reason on God’s Green Earth that that is going to change. In fact, Coach has it on good authority from “the big guy upstairs” that he is not happy with da Raydas. As most of you no doubt know, the Oakland-Los Angeles-Oakland Raiders are now heading to the sinful gambling haven of Las Vegas for the 2020 Season. Oakland fans are justifiable outraged by the move. Especially since Roger Goodell is rubbing it in their faces with the new “Raiders Luggage Line”. Nobody likes carpet baggers. This is particularly true for John Madden. As most of Coach’s loyal readers know, John invented the Internet, created the first Computer Game (Madden 2019) and endorses Chucky. Oh, yeah, and he also Coached Da Raydas when they were good in the 70’s & 80’s. Back in the day, we had neighborhood football teams with kids from six to sixteen years old. Nothing organized, just kids playing until they could get onto the Freshman HS Football Team (yeah, there actually was one sixteen-year-old 8th grader in the mix). To help with keeping track of the teams, everyone adopted the name of a pro-team. Because no one agreed on who could be the Packers, we all took AFL team names. Coach was on the Raiders and his brother was on the Chargers, loyalties that hold way today, and a key reason that Coach still likes the Raiders. Throw in Al Davis’ (owner and GM for many years) penchant for collecting talented yet troubled and/or aging players, a singular focus on winning (“Just Win Baby”) and a goofy looking youngest-coach-ever (33 year old John Madden) and you have the best Hotel-California team ever. John Madden was the head coach of the Raiders for 10 seasons. Madden's overall winning percentage including playoff games ranks second in league history. He won a Super Bowl (lost as linebackers coach to Vince Lombardi in SBII) and never had a losing season as a head coach. His teams of the 1970s were thoroughly dominant, with eight Hall of Fame inductees on the roster (not to mention Madden being a HOF'er himself). The 1970s Raiders created the team's identity and persona as a team that was hard-hitting. Nowadays we don’t play’em much so it’s hard to have much of an opinion, but we kinda like Da Raydas cuz of Chucky. He’s genuinely a funny guy, and he definitely made Hard Knocks entertaining this year. (Not that Coach actually watched any of it, but I read that it was entertaining.) Jon G really does things differently. As you can see here, some of his “try out” players were getting their exercise prior to the “Night Practice” that was scheduled later in the day. This kind of creative and extensive training led to them being able to beat the distracted Bears in London. This time, with a different kind of “double doink”. OK, the game summary? CBS will broadcast the game to a regional audience with play-by-play man Jim Nantz and analyst Burlington-Wisconsin’s-favorite-son-and-former-Eastern-Illinois-University-QB-Tony Romo. So we have that going for us. And, there are buncha other Rrrrayda connections to WI and the Packers: WR Trevor Davis was a Packer (2016-thru-the first two games of 2019). QB DeShone Kizer was a Packer, before we cut his ass because he’s a shitty player. TE Derek Carrier is from Edgerton, Wis. and played at Beloit College. FB Alec Ingold played at Wisconsin and is a Green Bay native and attended Bay Port HS. Head Coach Jon Gruden spent three seasons on the Packers’ coaching staff. Strength-and-conditioning assistant Deuce Gruden, Chucky’s kid, was born in Green Bay. WR Coach Edgar Bennett spent 17 seasons with the Packers in multiple roles as a player and coach. DL Coach Mike Trgovac held the same position for the Packers in 1999 and 2009-17. TE coach Frank Smith is from Milwaukee. All-in-all, Coach kinda likes these guys, we just don’t want to see Trevor Davis do this. TD did this in London two weeks ago and was a big part of why the Raiders beat the Bears. Who, by-the-way, still suck. Also, look for La Fleur and Rodgers to get out the stat sheet this week and realize that Jimmy Graham is a complete waste of oxygen… …Marcedes Lewis and Danny Vitale should have really good games while we wait for some Wide Receivers to show up. In a Super Bowl II repeat…and no 80-yard Canadian field for this one… Packers 33 Da Raydas 17 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them This week’s hero is none other than Center / Guard extraordinaire, Grey Ruegamer! Grey played Center for the Packers from 2003 – 2005, also known as the Mike Sherman years. Even though he was an offensive lineman, he could often be seen during pregame warm-ups catching passes from Brett Favre, which led to Coach’s ultimate disappointment that they never eventually translated those practice reps into a touchdown pass trick-play. Ruegamer was a great athlete at his Las Vegas high school and, even though he was considered a better soccer player there than real football player, he turned out ok. After being drafted out of Arizona State by the Dolphins, he played for the Patriots, Packers, and Giants, winning 2 Super Bowls over his 11-year NFL career. Speaking of Grey’s hometown Las Vegas, if you happen to go (which, at some point everyone from Wisconsin does), Coach stumbled upon a Packers bar there you might want to visit called the Rum Runner. I found out it is THE place for Packers fans to go in Sin City to watch a game. Not surprisingly, everyone in there wears Packers jerseys, and there’s Packers stuff on the wall, and there’s even a Vegas Packer-Backer fan club regularly in attendance. While waiting outside the restrooms, I was fortuitously greeted by a friendly patron there named Wanda who is a blackjack dealer at one of the casinos on the strip … she moved there from Eau Claire. Small world. She told me the bar owner, Gordie Hill, is originally from Waukesha. She also said the place starts getting packed an hour or two before kickoff, so seats can be hard to come by … but if you casually make it known you’re visiting from Wisconsin or are a 1st-timer there, you will likely be invited to join a group at one of the tables marked as “reserved.” The 2nd most fun for me (besides bumping into Wanda) was when the Packers scored, the bar erupted, arm-in-arm, into song… Who’s the leader of the club / that’s made for you and me? G-O-R / D-I-E / H-I-double L Gordie Hill! Gordie Hill! Forever let us hold our glasses high! And with that toast, everyone drank. Rum Runner has Oktoberfest-sized 25-ounce tappers (including PBR), and also carries brats and potato salad for the homesick locals. Imagine that, a Packers oasis in the desert! Wisconsinites care about each other. Anyhoo, back to Grey… As compensation for having to play under Mike Sherman, in 2017 the Packers named Ruegamer director of player engagement, which includes an large office overlooking Kroll’s West and a custom-built mahogany desk with inboard alarm clock. So, Grey Ruegamer, we salute you!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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