Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Jerseys should be worn with a certain decorum As a man, I have conscious pause when putting on a NFL jersey bearing another man's name. It doesn't feel quite right, and I don't want people to think I wanna be somebody I'm not (not that I give a shit what other people think of me, but you know what I mean). There are some jerseys that I love to wear because the namesake was a great player that I encourage other people to remember (Nitschke, Butler, Starr, McNally, etc.). Few things scream “I am a loser!”, though, like fans wearing jerseys that they should not. In case you need help determining if you are a loser, there are some rules of thumb to go by…
Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme We are 7-1 and the 31-24 win was dang close to Coach’s score prediction of 35-14 mimicking Super Bowl I. Yeah, the points scored was close…even if the D didn’t show up as expected. Coach celebrated by flying his souvenir jetpack around in the basement. FWIW, a helmet is highly recommended. The game Sunday night was fun, and the Offense keeps getting better and better! After the Pack went up 14-0 in the 1st, it seemed like game over. And, when an over-throw turns into a score-of-the-year to Williams, you know A-Rod is back in the MVP discussion. Oh yeah, in addition to Williams there’s another guy called Aaron Jones who is the perfect running back for Petite Fleur’s new offense. He carried the ball 13 times for 67 yards (5.2/carry) and he also caught seven passes for 159 yards and two touchdowns, including a 67-yard touchdown. As big a high as the 1st Qtr was, the 2nd Qtr was a heart sinker and the ESPN “win predictor” was a pretty accurate indicator of the eye-test on the game. For all the ups and downs in the game, Coach is the most excited about the green stuff at the end of this graph… …up 31-24 we took over at our own 2 with 5:04 left on the clock, after a dynamic KC punt. In previous years this would be a formula for a loss (for sure with McCarthy dizzying around on the sidelines), but we ran seven times and passed once for 38 yards and three 1st downs to end the game. Coach is getting on-board with Petite Fleur as a real coach, this was fantastic!! And, that continues to put us in 3rd Place in the NFC Playoff Seeding and the overall record is off-the-charts-good compared to preseason predictions… If Coach told you before the season that we would be 7-1 and Mr. D. Adams would have 0.0 touchdowns, wud’ja believed it?? As exciting as the Offense is, the Defense continues to slide, and we have slipped out of the Top 10 in points-allowed (the yellow shading above). So, the Defense is bad, Coach? Yes, but not as bad as our Special Teams return statistics. On KO returns we are #30 with 17.0 yards/return. On punts, we are #32 with –1.6 yards per return…the only team in the NFL with a negative return average!?!?!?!? What’s his name, the returner, was cut this week, which shows Gutey is not sitting pat on what he has. Trust in Gutey!!! He is not blind and he will fix the return game. Assuming Gutey fixes kick-returns, the only remaining issue is the center of the Defense. We get sacks and we get turnovers and we have incorporated pop-culture into sack dances…so the first Chiefs drive of the 2nd Qtr epitomized all of our D, the good and the bad. At the beginning of that first drive in the 2nd Qtr, Z-Dayrus had a huge sack and he celebrated! Another one of these and it’s 3 and out, a punt, and the rout is on!! {Many of us were looking for our left-over Playbill’s in the closet to check the choreography….} Pennywise, pound foolish, let’s hope Z’darious stays safe from the ghoulish. Yes, the sacks make a positive difference, but Coach is still upset that we get gashed in the middle and we are now #28 in rushing defense giving up 4.8 yards per carry. A couple of plays after the Z-Dance, we faced third and one, another point where we could push them off the field and where the D-Line asserts itself and we shut them down. Unfortunately, like Coach has shown you several times, the D-Line gets blown out. Give Kenny Clark a little bit of credit, he’s double teamed, but our new over-paid-lineman and his little brother from Northwestern are blown off the line with single blocks (#94 & # 95). But the real issue for Coach is that they all play very high. Coach has shown almost every week that Lancaster is not playing low enough as a tough DL’man. Is this the way they are coached or are they just not playing with good fundamentals? Coach doesn’t f’ng know, but he does know this is fixable if Poutine gets his finger out of his clipboard. Continuing the frustration, after giving up the 1st down, one play later they gave up a TD. Blake Martinez has been getting lots of criticism for this play and maybe that is justified, maybe not. At a superficial level, this TD is Martinez’s responsibility ...and, maybe, it is. If you look closely on this play, Martinez is watching for the run. Kelce runs free in the middle, where normally a safety has responsibility. If you look even more closely, you’ll see a very confused Amos (#31) running across the formation and not paying attention to Kelce. It’s very clear that on this play player-understanding was an issue. What drives Coach completely crazy is that in the modern era of the NFL scientists can train rats how to drive cars, but DC’s can’t train players to get in the right spot. Pettine remarked recently that the tape shows most - if not all - of the explosive plays they've given up this year have been when a player, or two, erred on their assignment. It's not the fault of the scheme. It's teaching and learning. So the defense CAN better. In any event, the Packers have much more talent on D than they’ve had in many years. It’s time for that talent to make a difference, if it doesn’t, the playoffs will be one and done (#2015Packers15-1). WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Packers President Falls On Hard Times In 2011 Mark Murphy was labelled as one of the NFL’s most successful team executives, but his high-flying flamboyant lifestyle has since been replaced with a vagrant existence battling alcohol addiction. During an exclusive interview, the Packers head man claimed that he had been feeling so low, that his everyday routine was drinking an entire bottle of wine as soon as he woke up and downing a full bottle of Nyquil to help him drop off to sleep in the evenings. As a result of spending his entire fortune on booze, Murphy exhausted all of the proceeds from the sale of his mansion and now has little money left to afford a place to stay and often spends the night camped out on park benches with other vagabonds. In an emotional interview, he admitted: “At the moment, if I had something to end it all I would take it. What have I got to look forward to? I look at old pictures and I just think, ‘Mark, what are you doing?’ I hate it. I’ve tried to give it my best shot to stay sober and get back to running the best franchise in all of professional sports, but look at the state of me – I’ve got big problems with alcohol and homeless man orgies. I just don’t know if I can beat that. I hope tomorrow will be better, but I doubt it.” At press time, Murphy's exact whereabouts could not be confirmed despite rumors that he recently hooked up at a local Soup Kitchen with former colleague "Dirty Mike" McCarthy and his homeless band of street hobos. Unconfirmed sources have alleged, however, that Murphy was last seen passed out face down on a patch of grass in Sunnyvale Trailer Park with his pants pulled down to his knees, laying next to an empty beer bottle, a large jar of mustard and a dead poodle. For more on this story, click on this link. The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Guess who’s in last place? Hee hee hee, ha ha ha, ho ho ho, The Bears still suck! Sunday afternoon while sitting in the woods waiting for deer to stroll by, I went to NFL.com to check out scores and discovered they were streaming the end of the Bears/Chargers game. It looked very much like the end of the recent Packers/Lions game ... the Bears were in-effect taking a knee to line up for a rudimentary 41-yard field goal to win the game as time expired. Right before the kick, TV coverage showed a replay of The Galacian Pineapple, Eddy Piñeiro, doinking an earlier kick that day off of the left upright. I figured the odds of a professional place kicker, one who had beat out 9 other specialists, missing ANOTHER run-of-the-mill field goal in perfect conditions on his home field were like a million to one … especially after what happened last year. I mean, no NFL team sucks THAT bad, right? WIDE LEFT! But wait, it gets better: there is so much more suckitude oozing from the rectum of Chicagoland... Last Tuesday evening, the NHL Chicago Blackhawks hosted the Vegas Golden Knights. During the game, the PA announcer interviewed a young kid in attendance. The questions were primarily Blackhawks related, until the announcer asked the boy who he was going to be for Halloween. "A football player." The young boy replied. "Which player?" asked the announcer. “Mitch Trubisky.” What followed was a cascade of boos from over 21,000 fans, loudly disagreeing with the young fan’s choice. Unfortunately for Trubisky, this wasn’t the first bad reception he’s received at the United Center, as he was booed shortly after the Bears selected him with the 2nd overall pick in the 2017 NFL Draft at a Chicago Bulls game. You know the Bears suck when Chicago fans are booing a child for simply mentioning the quarterback’s name at a separate sporting event. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Ohio State Setback ‘Tis But A Scratch’ on Badgers 2019 Journey to Indy Rematch Message to Iowa, Purdue, Nebraska and Minnesota—“None shall pass” (Click On Link). We got this. We just have a few things to clean up between now and the rematch with Ohio State while we run the table for our remaining conference games:
We all were hoping that this Badger team would be for real. They are for real. They just are not as good of a football team as those guys in Columbus. That Urban Meyer guy can really recruit. The Alabama level academic standards at tOSU do no hurt in this regard either. As we say our kudos to the actual Ohio State players on the field, we are unsurprised at the “classy” behavior of the Bucknut fans. Here at BU, we can forgive the Illinois fans for playing Jump Around after their totally unexpected upset win. They actually executed it pretty well. The unimaginative Buckeye fans copied it after demolishing the Badgers, playing Jump Around in a lame ass fashion. To the Whoreshoe PA guy, we thank you for this because Bucky now has ready locker room wall material to stoke up on for the re-match in Indy. Jake Ferguson summed it up well. “Coming into somewhere else and having them play it definitely stings a little bit. I think a lot of our guys are looking forward to playing these guys again.” At least we have a little break to recuperate from a hellish two weeks. The Badger Underground staff uncovered some things various Badgers are doing during the bye week while remaining off the police blotter.
We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game Oh man, finally we’re coming to the end of our swing thru the AFL West… next up: Da Bolts! The Chargers are the only team in the AFL/AFC that the Packers have never faced in a championship game and given the current NFL scheduling formula we only go there every 8 years (as with all AFC teams). They are not close geographically, we don’t play them often, and we always beat them (more below). What’s not to like? Let’s finish off the 2019-AFL-Tour with a little bit’o fun. Quick, Timmy, answer this question: Which Charger quarterback bounced back from a dismal 2003-04 season, winning the Comeback Player of the Year Award, throwing 27 touchdowns to seven interceptions, and landing himself a spot in the 2005 NFL Pro Bowl? For the answer to this question and dozens more that Packer fans don’t care about….click here The L.A. Chargers first game ever was against the Dallas Texans (now KC Chiefs) on September 10, 1960 at their home stadium, the 100,000 seat L.A. Coliseum. The program cover from that first game is kinda confusing at first glance…and very disturbing after letting it sink in…the reader is left to fill in the hole on this one. During the 60’s, the Packers and the Chargers were the teams to beat in the NFL and AFL respectively, with the Bolts playing in the AFL Championship five times (1 win). Their first QB was the very talented Jack Kemp who had bounced around the NFL and CFL before signing as a free agent with the Chargers for their inaugural season. Kemp went on to be a star with the Buffalo Bills and played professional football for 13 years before going on to serve 18 years in the U.S. Congress. He also served as HUD Secretary and had a failed attempt at running for U.S. Vice President with Bob Dole as the 1996 GOP ticket headliner. Kemp said: “Pro football gave me a good perspective. When I entered the political arena, I had already been booed, cheered, cut, sold, traded, and hung in effigy.” But politics is for suckers… back to football. It was a really new and creative offense, throwing to a running back last week(?). Coach always gets a kick out of all the talk about the “new” NFL. Give Petite Fleur credit for creative packaging and misdirection, but let’s give the AFL a little love for the creativity. After digging deep into the archives, Coach made that short clip of Jack Kemp (#15) running a play-action fake to FB Howie Ferguson and then hitting Halfback Paul Lowe for the TD, looking a lot like Aaron to Aaron last weekend. But all was not rosy for the Chargers in L.A. Here’s a pic of Kemp running in for a TD at the Coliseum 60 seasons ago (he’s still #3 on the all-time QB Rushing TD list with 40). The TD is nice…but have a look at the stands, this pic is from an actual AFL game. Perhaps former Chargers’ center Don Rogers said it best... “It was pretty obvious that we weren’t making any headway in LA. Every time we’d come out on the field we’d say, ‘They’ve stayed away by the thousands.’” The Chargers moved to San Diego for the 1961 season and the rest is history. Predictions are much the same regarding a lack of L.A. fans for this weekend, with additional commentary that Packers fans will fill roughly 3/4 of the 30,000 seats at Dignity Health Sports Park (a soccer field, which is a sport that the people out there have much more of a proclivity towards … just sayin). This stadium has also hosted the first three editions of the USA Sevens, an annual international rugby competition with 7 players as opposed to the larger format Elevens. The stadium has also hosted all United States Rugby National Team matches for the Pacific Nations Cup since 2013…AND…they have a velodrome. What? Huh? The velodrome at “Dignity Field”? They are now offering “Meditation Retreats” during home games, probably because no one else is there to bother you. Native Los Angelinos don’t care about pro football; the Chargers, the Rams, the Raiders, the Rams again, and the Chargers again, have all proven that. Get the Bolts outta there and move’m to Mexico City… OK so the 2019 Bolts are 3-5 with wins over the Colts, Fins and Cubs. Not exactly murderers’ row, especially when you look at who they lost to, and they sit at “0” point differential for the year…perfect mediocrity. The Bolts have climbed to #10 in Def-Points-Allowed at 19.6 and do have a decent D featuring Joey Bosa. Their Offense is pedestrian, led by Philip Rivers and a trio of running backs averaging 3.5 yards per game and they are #23 overall in scoring. The Packers lead the series 10-1 all time, and they have usually been high scoring games with the Pack averaging a 31-17 win. This is also the 3rd time that the Bolts and Pack have played with Rivers & Rodgers at QB. No defensive slugfests these, with an average score of 34-27 Packers. Summary, we are better, but watch out, this is a classic trap game. Ahhh….f’that, this will be a Packers home game at “Lambeau West”, the Packers Offense continues to roll and the D maintains… Packers 35 Bolts 20 Chevon McNuggets - G.O.A.T. facts to chew on JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them This week we visit the way-back machine to honor a local-kid-done-good from Oshkosh, a 2-way player who clearly struggles with phonetic spelling that the Packers selected early in the 3rd round of the 1952 draft out of the University of Wisconsin, Deral “Little Bull” Teteak. As a Badger, Deral was a member of the famed “Hardrocks” unit that led the nation in defense in 1951. Teteak then became a hard-nosed Packers offensive guard AND linebacker in the 1950’s – often playing middle linebacker despite being just 5’-10’ and 210 pounds. He was named one of the most outstanding rookies in the league in 1952 and named to the Pro-Bowl in just his second season. Teteak played for the Packers through 1956, and was the last Packers player other than Ray Nitschke to wear number 66. After his playing career, Teteak went back to UW-Madison as an assistant, coaching on the Rose Bowl Badgers teams of 1960 and 1963. Not too shabby. Deral’s younger brother Dick, also a guard, also played for Wisconsin, and was also drafted by the Packers (in the 15th round of the 1959 draft), but alas he did not end up making Lombardi’s inaugural Packers roster. Dick immediately took a shining to coaching and later became the head football coach at Beloit College, compiling an abysmal record of 3-23. He then became the baseball coach at Beloit, leading the scrappy group of underdogs to an equally abysmal 8-29 record. It’s safe to say that big brother Deral had shoes that little Dick could never fill. So Deral Teteak, we salute you as a local football hero that had great success on big stages, and we mock your underachieving brother as a boob that perpetually fell short of every professional objective he ever had. Congratulations.
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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