Welcome back to The Coach Clarahanson Show!!! In Coach’s Humble Opinion: Elvis was right… The “get right” games came and went, in all of which we didn’t. Then the dreaded “now we have to play the best team, on the road, after their bye” game came, in which we still didn’t look good, but also totally didn’t piss our pants on national tv while covering the outlandish-for-the-NFL 10.5 point spread. Still, it feels like we had a long rigid shaft poked into our backside. So here we sit at 3-5. Not out of playoff contention, but certainly on the cusp. Recall we were the Number 1 seed last year! Losing Devante Adams isn’t the reason … if he came back this week this team would still be far from the NFL’s best. We can get back on track with the guys we got. It’s a pretty simple thing, football … just need to block well on offense and tackle well on defense, and not give away the ball. Sure, easier said than done, but all of these things are completely doable by the Green Bay Packers and achievable with better leadership and coaching – but time is running out (thanks, Capt. Obvious) and it’s gotta start now in Detroit, because Elvis was right: It’s now or never… at least, in Coach’s humble opinion. Create A Seam Here – X’s & O’s about the game or a scheme If Coach told you before the Bills game that we have:
As much as Coach loves the stats … they story of this game was only the 1st Half … and we were killed in the 1st. Coach doesn’t want to say the Bills stopped playing at the Half … but that’s what the eye-test says. On the first Bills drive we looked great, forcing a 3 & out (drive chart below). Arrggghhh, but! Yet again Alexander dropped an interception what would have put us in business about the Bill’s 30-yd line. We forced the punt, but on the ensuing drive we lost Watson to a concussion and choked on 4th down, giving the ball to the Bills 39 ... and the route was on. We watched as the Bills piled up 24 points and scored on four straight possessions. Rodgers was able to hit Romeo Dubbs on a spectacular 19-yard TD, but that was just the liver-sausage spread in the two-TD sandwich made by the Bills. In the first half we had one good drive on Offense and three more that we choked away. We had five drives on defense and had negative plays on all five and gave up scores on four of the drives. The score was “only” 24-7 at the Half, but it did not feel that close. Yes, the run offense looked much better, but the Bills were defending the pass and were in a 2-Hi Safety look until mid-way through the 2nd half. Two plays in this game summarize the game and the 2022 Season for Coach. With the Bills leading 7-0 on their 3rd Drive, at 3rd & 14 on the Packers 21-yard-line, Josh Allen was under pressure and scrambled left. It’s a bit hard to see because because he misses so badly, but Jaire Alexander turns Allen back to the inside where he has help (proper technique) and Darnell Savage closes his eyes, dives, and completely misses Allen. WTF. We came into the year with the Offense would be a work-in-progress, but with the expectation and understanding that we would have a Top-5 Defense. We now rank 16th, and our Ranking continues to drop every week (go back and look at previous episodes of CCH). The other expectation we had is that the Special Teams would get better. The second have Kick-Off was fantastic! Keisean Nixon returned the ball 49-yards out to the 50!! Hooray!! Packer Nation exhaled, collectively mouthing “maybe we have a shot in this game!” Alas, no. Safety Innis Gaines, activated for this game … was called for holding and the Offense started at the 16-yard line. We gained 72 yards on the series and kicked a FG … but if we started at the 50? Yes Jimmy, 72 yards is enough to get to the Endzone. That would have put the score at 24-14 and, who knows, maybe a punchers chance. When players continually make the same mistakes … we must conclude that the problem is the Coaching. WTF – Coach’s take on football news that’s messed up Brett Favre Makes Amends By Sending Photo Of His Penis To Every Mississippian On Welfare SUMRALL, MS—In an effort to address the backlash against his alleged participation in a massive scheme to misuse state funding, former NFL star Brett Favre on Friday was reportedly making amends by sending every Mississippian on welfare a photo of his penis. “I am sorry for what I’ve done and letting the most vulnerable people of Mississippi down, and it is my greatest hope that you’ll accept a signed photograph of my cock as my request for forgiveness,” said Favre, explaining that over the next few weeks, each of the approximately 440,000 Mississippi residents currently on welfare would receive a signed copy of one of several different photographs of his erect member. “While it may not make up for the welfare money you were expecting, this is a genuine dick pic from a Hall of Fame NFL quarterback, and would look really nice on the mantle. You could also sell it, if you’re hard up for some money, or ladies could perhaps use it to pleasure themselves, and derive some benefit from that. Ultimately, I hope that a picture of my penis will convey my deepest apologies for my actions, and that I can be back in the good graces of the great people of Mississippi.” At press time, residents across Mississippi were opening their mail to find a picture of Favre’s penis, with the handwritten signature “Sorry—Brett. P.S. u like this?” The Bears Still Suck – Coach has proof Jared Field Hands Off Letters To His Family In Case He Doesn’t Make It Out Of Next Sack Alive IRVING, TX—Shoring up his resolve as he made peace with his likely fate, Chicago Bears quarterback Jared Field reportedly handed off letters to his family Monday in case he didn’t make it out of the next sack alive. “Take these letters, David [Montgomery], and see that they are delivered to my family should the pass rush prevail and I meet my maker during this next sack,” said Field, thrusting a stack of envelopes containing messages to his parents, sister, and close friends into the running back’s arms and urging his teammate to tell his family he loved them. “There is no way around it, David: We are losing the battle in the trenches. I can only be sacked on so many occasions before there is a sack I will never return from. Our offensive tackles are weak and cannot hold out much longer, and before we know it the blitz will be upon me. I want my family to know that it was them I thought of as my pass protection fell and I looked in vain for a receiver to get open. Run, David, run like the wind! It doesn’t look good for me, but duty requires me to remain here in the pocket and protect the football to my last breath. Oh, god, the linebackers will soon be here, and then I may be sacked for all time.” At press time, Field was lighting a last cigarette as the Dallas Cowboys defense breached the offensive line and began charging toward him. Udder Stuff – Commentary from the Badger Underground Bowl Qualifying Terrapins Come to Madison Best case, we wind up 8-4 and most likely will experience another toe stubbing or two against the paltry field we face in the next month. We predict a 7-5 finish. The field looks pretty unimpressive with 4-3 Maryland, up next, as the toughest competition. On paper, we should win out, but after the Wazzou, FIB, and MSU debacles, we are not counting on that. Throw out the stats for this Saturday’s matchup vs. Maryland. While a 24-hour soaker will be winding down by kickoff, rain may still be a factor and Lake Mendota whitecap-inducing winds fire up. The much-anticipated aerial circus may never get off the Camp Randall turf. That’s good and bad. Tualia Tagovailoa, brother of Miami Dolphins QB Tua Tagovailoa, returns from a knee injury. The younger Tagovailoa is averaging 285.9 passing yards per game this season, with 13 touchdowns and five interceptions. His completion rate of 72.5% is tied for the No. 2 mark in the Big Ten. He has rushed for three touchdowns, but prefers to extend plays in an attempt to give his receivers more time to get open. With only one legitimate pass rushing threat and inconsistency in setting the edge, containing this guy is a big ask for the Badgers defense. Maryland also has playmakers at receiver and running back. (Why do guys like this overwhelmingly choose to attend schools like Maryland, Rutgers and Nebraska vs. schools like Wisconsin?) Their running game is on par with Wisconsin’s. 6-foot, 200-lb freshman Roman Hembry averages 6.5 yards per carry and is difficult to bring down on first contact. Defensively, Maryland is stout against the run and soft against the better passing attacks. Maryland has held only two teams below the 200-yards passing this season. In the other six games Maryland allowed an average of 311 passing yards per game and 14 touchdown passes. It is not clear whether leading tackler linebacker Jaishawn Barham returns from injury this week. With the exception of punter, Maryland has superior special teams talent. Don’t rule out them running back a kickoff or punt. Play this game on a dry field with wind not being a factor, it’s a bad matchup for Bucky. The elements work in our favor and the anticipated return of guys spending recent weeks in the tub yield a turnover-marred win, 21-17. The BU sponsors, Voyeurs International came through again. This week’s titillating offering is entitled “Side Boob Safari”. Enjoy. We’re Gonna Kick Your @$$ – predictions for the upcoming game The primary reasons we will spank the Portsmouth Spartans are: 3) We usually do! We have a 105-73-7 winning record all-time, and we are 19-9 in the Rodgers era. 2) Mason Crosby is back on form … in his 17th year kicking for Pack, his 2022 FG made percentage of 80% is almost at his career median of 81%. Don’t forget, Crosby is a long-time Spartan’s killer. 1) And, the number one reason we will win is … drum roll please … that they suck more than we do! There’s a good reason the Spartans are at the bottom of the NFC North … The have the 32 Ranked Scoring Defense and the 31st worst Point Differential. Mason Crosby is gonna have another field goal palooza in Detroit on Sunday. Packers 22 (5 FG & a TD) Spartans 17 JB – Packers you forgot about, but stories you’ll remember about them Since it appears our expectations for this year need a reset, Coach was thinking back to another time when the Packers aspired to achieve the measly 0.500 mark. The Pack ascended to mediocrity in 1981, nearly making the playoffs with their 8-8 record. Their offense improved to 14th by scoring 324 points, but the defense allowed 361, 20th in the league. They were 5-3 against losing teams and 3-5 against the rest, 4-4 both at home and on the road. They started the season 2-6 and lost Eddie Lee Ivery in game one, but then won six of seven games to reach the season finale with an 8-7 record. A victory over the Jets and the team would sneak into the playoffs with a 9-7 record. But, of course, the Jets whipped the Pack 28-3, and the Green and Gold’ season ended without a playoff birth. So who were these sad sacks of the new decade? Who were the Dean Lowry’s back then? Well, one of them was Byron Braggs. Braggs attended and played college football at the University of Alabama for the legendary coach Paul "Bear" Bryant from 1977 to 1980. He played on Alabama's 1978 and 1979 National Championship teams. Then the Packers selected him in the 5th round of the 1981 draft to play defensive end ... which he did, rather unremarkably. After football Braggs worked as a Criminal Investigator/Special Agent for the U.S. Customs Service. Subsequently that entity became a part of the Department of Homeland of Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). Braggs served as the Acting Chief Intelligence Officer for the Washington DC field office, and eventually retired from ICE in October of 2016. How ‘bout that, eh? So this week we remember you, Byron Braggs, because nobody else probably will. Salute!
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Author"Coach" is the insightful collective brain and funny bone of a few legendary Packer fans who provide everything you need to know (and what Packers beat writers often plagiarize) about the Green & Gold, plus a weekly guest appearance by The Badger Underground. Archives
November 2022
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